Releasing Your Identity as the Business: Christian Brim

 Summary

Christian Brim shares a deeply personal journey of faith, leadership, and surrender over the past 15 months. He discusses how his spiritual growth, overcoming personal wounds, and relinquishing control transformed his approach to business and life.

Key  Topics

• Faith and business integration
• Personal wounds and healing
• Surrender and leadership transformation

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https://calendly.com/cbrim/30min

Transcript

Christian Brim (00:01.518)
Welcome to another episode of The Chris Project. I am your host, Christian Brim. This is my first solo episode of The Chris Project, and I'm going to tell a story, so bear with me if I ramble or the path does not seem straight, because it probably won't be. I'm going to tell you a story about the last year, 15 months.

and what has changed in my business and my life and how I think that's important. So I'll start with January of 25. I was invited to a mastermind in Managua, Nicaragua with a group. It was a mastermind of digital agency owners.

And I was very shocked because on the surface there was no indication. But when I arrived, all of the participants were Christians and not, you know, just in name only. I had never been in a group where business owners were shifting from conversations

easily about, you know, business and digital conversion rates to talking about Jesus and like going back and forth. it was a very unnerving, maybe, uncomfortable, maybe. I had always thought that

Two things didn't belong in the workplace, and that was religion and politics. Kind of like the way you're supposed to treat your other relationships that you kind of, you know, don't talk about those subjects that might make people uncomfortable. And, you know, about the time that I got invited a few months before that to that mastermind meeting,

Christian Brim (02:27.085)
I had made the conscious decision that I did not want to live my life that way anymore. I have been a believer in Christ since I was 16 and had very poorly tried to live my life as a Christian for my adult life, sometimes doing much better than others.

I consciously made the decision that I was going to keep that separate. And, you know, I didn't have conversations about my faith in work or in a business context. And once I had made that conscious decision to not put that wall there, just whatever happened, happened. I wasn't going to be proselytizing and preaching.

the gospel, I just was going to be open to where the conversation led and not keeping myself from having those conversations. So when I show up in Managua, I was like, hmm, this is kind of strange. And then I joined Perry Marshall's Mastermind last year, and I went to my first meeting for that in

you know, a couple of weeks later in Chicago and, I got there and it was also a gathering of, of believers, not on the surface. It was not advertised. was not promoted, but you know, the conversations again were business and faith and, and that kind of,

really was a strange pattern, but I'm like, was this always here and I just didn't notice it? These groups were always there and I just didn't go into the rooms? Or was this something that was new? And I think it was the former. I think I wasn't maybe consciously or subconsciously willing to go into those rooms because I was not comfortable.

Christian Brim (04:56.438)
with that marriage of those two things. So I proceeded to go through last year, I had

Three years ago, we had pivoted to a target market of serving creative professionals. And I had sat in the head of revenue seat for those three years or two years. And it had some success, but I realized that I was not the right person in the right seat. And I was not the person to be doing this. So.

I made the decision to promote my marketing director to that seat. And the first thing I noticed was a change in perspective. When I was not the one trying to solve the problem, it was a different perspective on the problem, right?

And it also affected the leadership team in that when I was sitting in the seat, it was very easy for them to just defer to me. And it was, well, that's marketing stuff. So Christian can figure it out. We don't really know anything. We're a bunch of accountants, right? But with Delana in the seat, that dynamic shifted because now they were looking at her for results.

And it required them to approach it differently when she did not have success like I had not had success. In other words, they could hold her accountable, but they could not hold me accountable. Yeah. And so that went on for a few months and, I, I was really struggling with

Christian Brim (07:09.746)
letting Delana fail. I knew when I put her in the situation, in the position, and I pulled her aside from the the outset and said, look, my biggest fear is I set you up for failure. And I don't I don't want that. I don't want you to fail. I knew that she didn't have the requisite experience, but I thought, OK, she can learn and we'll be patient and she'll figure it out.

and, as she failed, I, I was, really, you know, initially I was trying to be a good coach and a good leader and like, okay, what are you learning from this? you know, what can you do differently next time? you know, why did you make this decision? What, what could you have done differently? Those kinds of conversations, but as the, as the failure continued, I.

became increasingly anxious and started meddling even more. I, I would make more suggestions, even to the point last year where I got off on this half-baked idea of having a live event. And that even further confused Delana and the leadership team cost me probably about 30 grand.

in money because the event never happened. We didn't sell any tickets and we'd already made commitments to the hotel and venue and all that. And so last year as a leader, I feel like I completely failed. I feel like I didn't lead the right way. I let out a fear most of the time.

Even to the point when we came to our quarterly in the fall, I was like, I was distraught. I was like, I don't even know if I should be here. Like I feel like I'm causing more trouble than I'm helping. And do you guys even need me here? You know, that was the exact question that I asked.

Christian Brim (09:32.931)
And I remember the reaction was, well, like, yeah, you kind of have to be here, right? It's your vision, what you want. And I think reflecting back on last year, what God did to me was through a very painful process,

allow me to release my identity in the business. And we've talked a lot on the CRISPR project about how entrepreneurs, especially male entrepreneurs, find a lot of their identity and purpose in their business and can't separate the two. In other words, if the business is successful,

then I'm successful and if the business is a failure, then I'm a failure. I, through the pain of the experience of getting out of any box except the visionary and integrator, I came to the place where I could legitimately say,

My identity is not tied to the success of the business. Now I can't tell you where my head was that it came to that. Maybe it was just the emotional frustration. Maybe it was like, you know, I just, I just gave up. Like I can't, I can't do anymore. I can't make it anymore, but I came to that place where

I could say success or failure of the business does not make me who I am. I am independent of that. Pause for a coffee drink.

Christian Brim (11:47.863)
Most entrepreneurs start a business to control the variables. On the surface for me, it looked like, well, you know, I want to bet on myself. I think that I can succeed and provide financially for my family more than working for someone else. And the surface rationalizations are great, but the reality was I was trying to control the outcomes. I was trying to fix.

something that was broken in me. And I don't think I'm unique in that. I think a lot of entrepreneurs show up without that understanding and sometimes they come to that understanding over time. But it's that control variable that we're looking for. We're trying to, through the control of the business, fix and heal what is broken in us.

I've talked about this in various places in my book and on the podcast, but my origin story is that my parents were divorced when I was two and my mother lost custody of me at three to my father. But what that looked like to that three-year-old was my mother abandoned me.

and the...

And that that's mostly pre verbal like you know, I You're not you're not able to speak what you feel or put your your feelings or fears or thoughts into words and and so that that wound was very deep and I'll add to that even though I didn't live with my mother. I spent significant time with her and She's a clinical narcissist. She

Christian Brim (13:51.22)
had a lot of damage done to her and I have no judgment about the fact that she is a narcissist, but that is the reality. And that reality is that the love that I perceived from her as my mother was not really love. It was just an extension of her needs. And I was loved.

by my father and I was loved by my stepmother and I am very thankful and grateful for that. But that wound of my mother, you know, that didn't fix that. growing up, you know, I have four half siblings, I'm the oldest. I always felt out of place. I was the oddball out. I would go to

spend the summers with my mother. And of course, no one else did. And so like, I didn't ever overtly feel like I was not part of that family. I called my stepmother my mother. I called my brothers my brother and my sister my sister. But there was something niggling in the back of my mind that like, you're not.

exactly complete and I remember when when my siblings got older They started this this joke. Well, I I was just half And you know that teasing of kids usually cuts pretty deep and I Really internalized that that that hit me right where

my wound was, I was like, well, you're right. I'm incomplete. Not half as good, but no, I'm only half their sibling. And so the connection piece that that three-year-old needs was further agitated.

Christian Brim (16:15.534)
Fast forward to when I was 16, the family business went bankrupt. And my grandmother died at that same year, and she was kind of the matriarch that held the family together. And between the two of those events, my family dispersed for economic reasons.

Christian Brim (16:45.676)
that also hit me in the wound. And so that was the origin story for my why of helping business owners with their money because I didn't want other people to go through what I went through.

And so what I perceive is that I built the business for the right reasons.

but I moved into repeating certain patterns that were very counterproductive. And those patterns were primarily around control. If I am valuable, if I am successful, if I create this, then

I'm okay that, you know, I'm not worthy of being left.

but as, as it was reflected back to me, that was just an insurance policy. It wasn't a verdict. It was, I was protecting myself by being useful. I was protecting myself by being successful and, it just papered over the wound. didn't heal the wound.

Christian Brim (18:27.918)
So going back to last year and what transpired.

Eventually last year I got to the point where I was like the business is not my identity. hadn't, I hadn't healed the wound. but I had made that separation. psychologists call it the, the, the subject object. I was no longer the subject, the business, the business was no, the business was an object. It was not.

my identity.

Christian Brim (19:13.258)
I can, I'm going to circle back to the faith piece.

Christian Brim (19:25.172)
Many times over my life, I had prayed a prayer of surrender of like, whatever I have, God is yours. And wherever you want me to go, I'll go. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do.

and I believe every time I prayed that prayer, it was genuine. Like I, I, I did want that surrender.

Christian Brim (19:59.266)
But what I remember distinctly every time that I said that prayer, there was this very small voice that said, about the business?

And.

I would immediately start rationalizing. I mean, like, well, I don't, don't, I don't care about the business. I rely on God to provide for my family. And that was true. I, I did not, I totally surrendered the finances. Like that was easy for me to do.

But what I came to the conclusion very recently was that that voice was the Spirit. And God was telling me, you're still holding onto the business.

But I didn't understand that the way I was holding onto the business was who I was, what my value, what my worth was.

Christian Brim (21:08.175)
And I finally could surrender that.

Christian Brim (21:16.167)
And I don't think that's an insignificant thing because Christ said,

If you love your life, you'll lose it.

He called us to come and die, die to ourselves, which is that surrender piece.

Christian Brim (21:42.936)
But for me, most of my life, it was surface level.

over the last five years.

I can tell you that there was a tremendous amount of pain with my wife and my marriage, with my kids, with the business.

Christian Brim (22:15.479)
but it was necessary to grow.

and to eventually leave those things behind. I'm still married, I still have my kids, I still have my business, but I had surrendered it. And I sit here and I think about the analogy of a toddler and a father. And the toddler's trying to fix some problem, know, put together some toy or figure out how something works. And...

They, they, you know, try and fail and get frustrated.

And all the while, the father's just sitting there waiting for the toddler to turn the problem over and say, can you help me?

Christian Brim (23:19.573)
and it took me a real long time.

Christian Brim (23:28.415)
understand what the problem I was trying to trying to fix was.

Christian Brim (23:35.435)
and to surrender it.

Christian Brim (23:41.709)
You say, dad, I need help.

Christian Brim (23:53.813)
And the loving father was always there.

Christian Brim (23:58.862)
He was just waiting.

Christian Brim (24:12.559)
And it's almost like he's saying, OK, you know.

Christian Brim (24:20.672)
You did fine with the business.

Christian Brim (24:27.256)
But let me show you what I can do. Let me show you what I want you to do.

Christian Brim (24:39.52)
And I'm truly...

Christian Brim (24:46.166)
I'm truly eager to see what he can do now that I've gotten out of the way.

And I don't know what that will look like. I doubt that it will just be growth or any metric of success from a worldly standpoint.

Christian Brim (25:17.73)
But the reality is, is my passion.

Christian Brim (25:23.362)
my why on this earth.

is to help specifically those creative professionals.

have a business and have finances that support their family, that doesn't wrap them up in something that consumes them, that's not profitable, that takes all their time.

Christian Brim (25:56.514)
And I want the vision that God has set before me is I want to help more of them. And I don't know what that's going to look like. I think I'll probably be very surprised looking five years on and looking backwards and saying, like, never would have come up with that myself. Like, this is crazy.

Christian Brim (26:26.029)
I tell all of you this.

Christian Brim (26:35.623)
If you're in a place of pain and frustration and anxiety with your business.

Christian Brim (26:51.059)
know that there's a purpose behind it.

that there's a reason why you're suffering these things.

Christian Brim (27:04.619)
There's something that you're trying to fix.

Christian Brim (27:14.593)
that you can't fix.

Christian Brim (27:22.229)
and hopefully

you'll reach the point of surrender to say,

Dad I need help.

Christian Brim (27:40.191)
I know for me, receiving help is very hard.

Christian Brim (27:48.981)
I'm a man of a certain age raised in America and my mantra is self-sufficiency and don't quit.

Christian Brim (28:03.085)
and

Christian Brim (28:07.883)
The reality is only when I quit, when I quit striving, when I quit trying to fix it, when I truly saw the problem that I was trying to solve, and I asked for help.

Christian Brim (28:27.959)
that I actually knew peace.

Christian Brim (28:33.559)
Hopefully this has resonated with you. If it has, please share the podcast, subscribe to the podcast.

Christian Brim (28:47.701)
And until next time, remember, you are not alone.