Grief and Belief - Part 1

Welcome to the When Grief Comes Home podcast. We're glad you're here. This podcast supports parents who are grieving a spouse, partner, or child while helping their children who are living through the loss of a parent or sibling. With personal grief stories and professional guidance, we offer parents practical tips for supporting their child who is grieving while caring for their own grief. 

In this raw, honest conversation about grief and belief, Erin Nelson shares her starkly different spiritual journeys through two devastating losses. After her husband died in a plane crash, her faith deepened as she found comfort in scripture and prayer. Yet when her son Carter died years later in a car accident, she found herself furious with God, questioning everything she'd always believed. 

The team explores why protest is not just normal but necessary in grief—and how that anger can actually be an expression of profound love. They tackle the well-meaning but sometimes harmful "bright-siding" that happens in faith communities and offer permission to question, doubt, and wrestle with spiritual beliefs without shame.

Please subscribe to the When Grief Comes Home podcast and leave us a review. The more stars, reviews, and downloads the show receives, the more parents and families in grief can find support.  

Order the book When Grief Comes Home https://a.co/d/ijaiP5L

For more information on Jessica’s House or for additional resources, please go to jessicashouse.org 

Transcript

Welcome to When Grief Comes Home

Gary Shriver 0:00

Hello and welcome to When Grief Comes Home, a podcast dedicated to parents living through loss while supporting their child. Let's meet the team.

Erin Nelson 0:11

I'm Erin Nelson, Founding Executive Director at Jessica's House.

Colleen Montague 0:15

Hi, I'm Colleen Montague, Program Director for Jessica's House and a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Brad Quillen 0:21

Hi, I'm Brad Quillen and I'm the host of When Grief Comes Home.

Gary Shriver 0:25

This podcast goes along with a book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child, while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers. Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers. Now let's go to the team, as they share grief resources and coping skills, heartfelt stories and insights to support parents as they raise children who are grieving. Together, you'll find strength as we learn to live with loss and find ways to heal.

Brad Quillen 1:04

Well, hello, hello, it's Brad from Jessica's House. Today we're talking about grief and belief. If faith is a part of your life, you may notice it's beginning to reshape after the death of your loved one. You may draw strength and comfort in God, or perhaps God has never felt so distant to you. Our hope today is to offer you the permission that whatever you are is just right. We are speaking from our personal experience and what families from Jessica's house have taught us over the many years, just as in our approach to the uniqueness of grief for each person. We come here today with an open mind and heart about how faith may or may not play a role in your life. Erin, when I think of faith, I know in grief. I know you and I've spent a lot of time talking about this and there's a lot of people that talk about it in group.

Brad Quillen 1:51

But there's times where we have a death in our family and we feel one way and then there's another death and it's just almost polar opposite for some folks that kind of I'm going to use the word rocks them in a different way, and so that's a bit of your story as well, and so would you mind sharing a little bit about that from your memoir?

Erin Nelson 2:12

Yeah, I think when we're faced with a death, I don't know if we ever know exactly how we'll react when it comes to our spiritual life and just that part of us that maybe has a belief, and sometimes our beliefs are really shaken or sometimes they're deepened. So we never really know how that will be for us until we experience a death. I think when I look back and for some of our listeners they may know that my husband Tyler died in a midair collision when my children were young and when I received the phone call and his brother Gary told me that you know, there was no bad weather. He was flying home from fishing that day in Alaska and they were flying home from fishing to back to the lodge and there was no real reason why their plane would have collided with another plane. And for some reason, just in the very beginning of that, I had some kind of sense like I don't even know just that, a trusting, and I don't know why I just processed it in that way, but I deepened my faith in God and I just remember memorizing scriptures that were really important to me.

Erin Nelson 3:28

That really brought a lot of comfort Verses.

Erin Nelson 3:31

Like you know, God is the defender of widows and the father to the fatherless, and to really hang on to that that he's my strong tower, you know, he's my ever present help in times of trouble, Like those verses just meant so much to me and I really held on to them and I remember even like sleeping with my Bible, because I slept with the light on and I would wake up and really just you know read, and so I just trusted God.

Erin Nelson 4:01

In fact, when we it was time to do his grave marker, there was a quote that I saw that said in his will is our peace, and I really resonated with that, that I was really trusting in God's will for our family. As weird as that sounded I don't know why I process it like that, but that is how I really got through that and found meaning in that and really let God really walk us through that time because, you know, not having a spouse anymore to hold life with, I felt like somehow God was that close presence to me that would hold life with me and that, and he had always kind of been that way for me, and so it just magnified that faith.

Brad Quillen 4:48

And then when your son Carter was killed from a car accident, it was kind of the opposite piece as you walk through those days.

Erin's Story: Two Different Grief Experiences

Erin Nelson 4:57

Yeah, and that surprised me because you know, immediately I just felt unprotected. You know it's like you pray all of your life, you know for your child to have protection. You know that they'll come home safe. You've been praying that and I prayed that even before he was born and I really trusted God with his life. And so the night that he didn't make it home, I was just really mad. I was really mad at God that he allowed that and all of a sudden I had this feeling of like maybe we're not really safe. Like what was he doing? Is he sleeping? Like what in the world? And so I have to say that I really shut down a part of myself from this you know relationship with God. I didn't feel that comfort from him like I did with Tyler and I was just really mad and I was in a very raw place of.

Erin Nelson 5:53

We talk a lot at Jessica's house about protest and how you know, when you take something away from a child, they just say no right. And so they say no, mine. And that's what we do when we're in grief and that is such a natural reaction to loss and when I think about that, I think about how a parent is with their child. In that moment, you know just an understanding presence that you really didn't want that to be taken away from you. Right and over time, with my relationship with God, I really felt God leaning in in that way. There's kind of leaning in to just say, yeah, you really didn't want this.

Erin Nelson 6:36

And you know, knowing that, this faith that I had always had, since I was a child even, I was actually raised in a family that had they were atheists and they didn't really believe in God, but I had a very deep faith from a child and it was very real to me. But I just felt like God was just leaning in, saying, like you know, I'm going to restore your faith in me because it actually has always come from me. This isn't about you and having to conjure up this kind of belief. This is from me. And so I felt like God gave me this spacious place just to be honest and raw and to doubt him and to be just say why did this happen?

Erin Nelson 7:16

You know? Why are you not protecting me? What else will happen? And just to be super honest. And it was very freeing. Actually, I think I was able to actually grieve Carter's death in a more real way in that moment. Maybe I didn't feel safe enough to do that with Tyler I didn't really ever go there, but it was actually. It increased my intimacy with God and it increased and deepened my faith, as hard as it was.

Brad Quillen 7:41

And there's some that are listening that that that pain is so deep and so to the core.

Erin Nelson 7:47

This was my, my child, absolutely.

Brad Quillen 7:50

And there's that question of you're all loving but this is not loving at all, Absolutely.

Erin Nelson 7:55

Yeah, and I have to say there's a part of me that still has all the questions. It's not that it's all gone or it's all better, but I feel God with me in it and that is a comfort.

Brad Quillen 8:11

And protest can be loud.

Erin Nelson 8:15

It's loud.

Brad Quillen 8:16

It can be ugly Uncomfortable.

Erin Nelson 8:20

For everyone? Yeah, and what do you do? What do you do For everyone? Yeah, and what do you do? What do you do? I heard a story about a child that would lay in bed at night and her brother had died. And she woke up one morning and she said to her parents at the like, the night hits and like you know, when you lose a child, I mean it's there is something that takes over you that is so raw and you have to get it out of your body. You know we've talked about that before on in our podcast, but I think, like that protest is such an important part of grief. I mean we learn that, like you said, you know, as a toddler, kids fall on the floor. They learn how to throw their head back.

Brad Quillen 9:12

The tantrum idea yeah.

Erin Nelson 9:13

Absolutely, you take away their favor. They're sitting in the high chair and they're throwing their head back at nine months old and protesting. That's inside of us, right, it's a survival skill, and so being able to see it as that and know it's a natural part of grief.

Brad Quillen 9:27

You know, Erin, I think you and I've done tons of funerals alongside of families and we've seen protests, and the older I get, the more I see it. I just go, that's love.

Erin Nelson 9:37

Oh yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because it's love.

Brad Quillen 9:42

That's where it comes from.

Erin Nelson 9:43

It comes from love, the fact that I miss something that I love, so much. Yeah, I heard a mom say that. You know it's like as they lowered her child's body into the ground.

Erin Nelson 9:56

She said it was like a reverse birth. You know they're born into a room of love and these arms and hands that welcome them, and then you have to put them back, you know, to give them back in some way. And it's that love where you know, like we've said, like there's nowhere for it to go, all that energy and there's beauty in it. You know, in the core of it, there's something there that's so important and it has to be expressed.

Brad Quillen 10:22

It's interesting you say that there's beauty in it, because when we're around it and we've you and Colleen and I have watched this at the house and you know when we've done funerals we've seen it, but it doesn't seem beautiful when we're seeing it right. Or the protest of the kid.

Erin Nelson 10:39

They're like that. Ain't beautiful Right.

Brad Quillen 10:41

But when we're talking about protests in this grief piece that I don't know, that I've ever thought beauty with it but, that's true, Like it's that love piece right.

Erin Nelson 10:51

Yeah, that's what's underneath it.

Brad Quillen 10:52

Boy, it's hard to watch sometimes and just yeah, because it's so raw and we can't change it or fix it for that person that's in it.

The Power of Protest in Grief

Erin Nelson 11:01

No, you can't, but you can be there and let them express it to whatever degree needs to come out and let them be welcome it. I was just with somebody a couple of days ago and they were apologizing and I was like no, like let it be, you've just experienced this trauma, you are in this place of protest and like, just let it be, I'm here for whatever kind of reaction, emotion, like I'm here for that, and so it really is such a gift when you have somebody that can hold that really large reaction with you.

Brad Quillen 11:41

And I know we've kind of got off on protest for a minute talking about grief and belief. But then there's that reality of people that when you're in that protest or when you're in that low pain of missing, in those early days and weeks and months of grief, where to do try and cheer you up right, and because they don't know what to do. So then they say some statements or make references to everything's going to be okay or the sunshine comes up again, or can you and Colleen speak to that too? Just that, that opposite piece of what you were just saying. We got to just be with them in it, but our culture seems to let's change them. For the cheery side of things.

Colleen Montague 12:26

We have all heard that statement of they're in a better place or you'll see them again someday, and those are bright sighting statements. Look at the bright side. But we're not in that place. And so when we receive that statement even if it is true in your heart, you believe you will see them again someday in heaven that doesn't mean you don't want them here with you right now. And feeling that way of wanting them back with you is not going against your faith either. It's a natural reaction, a natural desire and yearning to want them here. And so you know we might even bright side ourselves Like, well, I know I'll see them again someday. I know they were never mine in the first place, they've always been God's child. But when we do that to ourselves or when someone does that to us with their well-intended statements, we negate the chance for us to sit in that grief and just be with that yearning and to just be authentic in our grief and in our desires to want them back with us.

Erin Nelson 13:32

I remember when, just going to church over the years, there was a hymn called it, "Is Well With my Soul and the person who wrote it they would many times there would be a story alongside this hymn when it was sung and it was about this man and his wife had been on a ship and she and her children were going from going to England where he was, and then he got a note from her and it said all is lost and her children had all died in this accident. And, as the story goes, he went to this place of where the children died and he penned the words to this hymn it Is Well With my Soul. And you know, when I hear that story, like we don't really know everything about that story right, I'm sure there were some parts that were skipped about his protest and some of those things. But sometimes I feel like in church cultures there are times when that protest isn't always welcomed, where sometimes we skip the part of the grief part where, like I was when I would hear that story, I would think, oh, yeah, when all, if all your children die, you should just say it as well with my soul. And, like Colleen, what you're saying is, yeah, they're in a better place and we should all just be well and to give the permission to say like it's not always all well with my soul right now to not skip the part of the darkness, of the grief part to be there.

When Faith Feels Complicated

Erin Nelson 15:19

And so sometimes, you know, just, I think we're doing so much better at that now, even in our Christian culture, that we have even here at Jessica's house, and you know, I know you and Brad, you and I have been in, you know in ministry together for a really long time and I think those conversations are opening a little bit more.

Erin Nelson 15:36

It's different and that I think the pressure that I used to feel and maybe that even was the difference between Tyler's death and Carter's is just the knowing and the understanding and a more expansive kind of way of learning what is healthy grief, that we don't have to show up at church with our smile on. So I think, as I look back, you know, when I was grieving Tyler maybe I was in a more church culture that didn't embrace and teach and welcome the protest as much and I felt safer to be honest and not have to show up to church or the grocery store with a smile on. So after Carter died just to really give myself that permission to grieve, to go into the darkness, to be honest when people asked, and not skip to it as well with my soul.

Colleen Montague 16:31

I remember when one mom shared with me that after her child died she wasn't in the headspace to plan the services and so somebody helped her with that, and that included choosing the music selection, and when she was at the funeral they played it as well with my soul, which is very common and in that moment she just thought it is not well with my soul and it just felt so opposite to how she actually was feeling and it didn't feel right in that moment. And so I think what we're trying to say is that questioning God and aching for your loved one doesn't mean you've lost your faith. Holding opposites of faith and fear, belief and unbelief, trust and doubt means you're human.

Brad Quillen 17:19

We were in group one time and a mom was talking about the fact of safety that someone had mentioned. You know that they're now safe because they're with God and she. Her rebuttal to them in her head was they'd be safe with me too. Right, and I didn't think any differently of her. But that's just our first gut reaction. Is we miss them and we want them, or that there's peace when all my kids are in the house and I know where they're at in my home at night when I go to bed? Yes, but now one's missing.

Erin Nelson 17:51

Yeah, when someone's missing, and I think even in a family, every person has a different way of relating to the loss when it comes to their faith. So just even trusting and giving each other the space to process that in their own individual way and their own individual faith as well.

Brad Quillen 18:12

Because you would say you and your husband, Brian, when Carter died, processed that differently. In a lot of ways faith, but also Brian wanted people around and you were more kind of by yourself in some of those things, but it's just very different in the way that that even plays into it with faith.

Erin Nelson 18:29

Absolutely. Each person in the family has a different relationship with God or with their spirituality and how they feel connected, and I really think that the loss of a loved one is a spiritual wound, it is a soul wound, and so when we think about grief, it's soul work, so it is. It does involve some type of you know process in that way, and so it's in each person in a family and the people around you, the friends and family. They're going to do that differently.

Colleen Montague 19:05

Adding to what you're saying, Erin. On the flip side are those that may be very comforted right now by their faith. That might be the one thing that they're really holding on to, like you did with Tyler's death of you know. I know God can get me through this, like I know you know he will be there for me, and that's okay too. It's really. It always just comes back down to where you are, is where you are, and it could be different among a family.

Erin Nelson 19:31

Absolutely, and I think too, just with churches, you know, that can bring so much strength of faith. Community, whatever that might look like Surrounding you, can bring a lot of comfort and many times there's just an organization in that, where there's something in place whether that's a dinner after the funeral or something like that where that can bring a lot of strength to a family.

Brad Quillen 19:56

Erin, I'm glad you said that because, Colleen, we were talking earlier about just some of those other ways that you can nurture your spirituality. Do you want to share a few of those before we go to break?

Colleen Montague 20:04

Being in nature, meditation, yoga, connection with animals. Those are all other ways to just be in wonder in the world, you know, including, like what we talked about before, of just the signs that people can feel connected to within nature and feeling like those are sent from their person wherever they may be. And you know we've talked about butterflies, hummingbirds, a fox, as Carter shows up as a vibrant sunset. I recently heard about feathers.

Erin Nelson 20:41

People find connection with pennies, pennies from heaven seeing a penny and picking it up and putting it in your pocket. My daughter was at a baseball game We've been doing a lot of baseball lately and she said there was a ladybug that landed on her and she said, oh, hey, carter. And then the mom next to her said oh, you do that in your family too. That's what I call my mom, and so it's just like all kinds of ways that you can feel connected and that kind of feels a little spiritual too. It's like a little bit of heaven mixed in.

Spirituality Beyond Traditional Faith

Brad Quillen 21:19

Yes, you guys. That's so good because I'm curious with those that are listening how many different ways their person shows up. We'd love to hear from you at info at Jessica's House. You could let us know how that happens for you, and we'll be back right after this break.

Gary Shriver 21:35

Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center located in California's Central Valley since 2012. We provide free peer support for children, teens, young adults and their families grieving a loss. The When Grief Comes Home podcast goes along with the book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers and if you need grief-related support, please visit jessicashouseorg to download our free resources and be sure to follow Jessica's House on social media free resources and be sure to follow Jessica's House on social media, and if you have any questions or topics that you'd like us to explore in a future episode, just send us an email to info at jessicashouse. org.

Brad Quillen 22:27

Hey, welcome back from the break and we are going to talk a little bit about how do we talk to our kiddos about grief and belief. I'll never forget the question I got from a parent in a group one time that said how do you explain how to get to heaven? And I kind of went what Explain that to me? This mom had shared that her as her husband had died and she had told her son that that Dad was in heaven. His logical response was well, where's that? And then he just proceeded to say well, let's just go there so we can see dad. And that's just the logic that this little guy was using. But it reminds me that, erin, you had a very similar story like that with your son, with Cody.

Erin Nelson 23:11

Yeah, I'll never forget that. Just hanging out with him very early on after Tyler died and he had heard about heaven and dad's in heaven you know from, we had a just house full of people and it was very shortly after Tyler died, and so he said you know, daddy's in heaven, but we can just get the ladder there was the ladder outside and just put it on top of the roof and just reach really high. And I think when we're thinking about kids, you know, at that time I could just wish with him and wonder with him, like what would that be like? I wonder what that would be like. And so, just, you know, heaven can feel super abstract for a child, you know, when they're talking about it. And just like you said, like how do you explain that to a child?

Erin Nelson 23:56

We all have these different beliefs of what we hope heaven is like right. I mean, so many kids have even talked about in group their pet, you know, will they be there? And just all of those pieces. And you know, I think this idea of what happens to us after we die is so complex and everyone has a different hope and wish and, you know, a different perspective and I think kids are the same, and so we were talking earlier about how we can just ask them like what do you think heaven's? Like, what would you want to be there in heaven? And just really giving them that back to them. Even when we're talking about pets, it's like do you want, would you want your dog to be there, you know, and just hope with them. Well, I really hope so too.

Brad Quillen 24:43

And it's not until there's a death that they're confronted with that question of what happens.

Erin Nelson 24:48

What happens. And I remember that shift from present, you know, from that presence, to like we would always pray in our family for each other and putting the kids to bed, and every night they said and we hope daddy has a good day at work. And so then now then they started seeing and we hope daddy has a really good day in heaven, and just that kind of shift of the. You know, when it was like they were in your everyday life and now they're in this abstract place and you kind of want to imagine where they're them there.

Brad Quillen 25:22

What does that look like? What does that look like?

Erin Nelson 25:24

What are they doing? And so, yeah, we just would just kind of wonder together and I think kids, they have the best ideas when it comes to some of those things right and to learn from them have the best ideas when it comes to some of those things right and to learn from them.

Colleen Montague 25:44

You know we've talked a lot about the Christian perspective of you know an afterlife and heaven, but we want to honor that. So many of our listeners may also not have that, you know. They may not have that religious belief. They may not know what they believe. They may believe that there is no afterlife, that once you die you are gone. You may believe in reincarnation.

Colleen Montague 26:02

There's so many different questions out there and beliefs and so just leaning into that for yourself, knowing that you might be questioning what you always wondered or hoped to be true and that's true for your kids too. You know, hoped to be true, and that's true for your kids too. You know, recently my daughter has been entertaining the idea of reincarnation, and she's very young. But you know she asks me you know, when you come back after you die, what animal would you want to be? And even though that's not my belief, I'm not going to shoot down those wonderings. I just enter into that space with her and I tell her well, I hope I'm a bird, because I would love to fly. What would you want to be? And so entertaining those wonderings won't do any harm. It just gives them the space to explore their beliefs in that moment, their wonderings, I should say.

Erin Nelson 26:52

Yeah, I think about a dad who had a teen son and you know his son, you know, in their family they did believe in heaven. And his son just kind of just said I don't believe in heaven anymore. And if mom died and God allowed that, that's just not what I'll believe in. And you know, he didn't want to believe in God anymore. And his dad was really wrestling with that and then he was able to say, okay, I'm just going to sit with you in that and wonder with you. And so they just processed that together and I think they had to come together on that issue. The dad, his faith was so important to him but his son wasn't adopting that at that time and it was understandable. And they had to just kind of come together in their family and just allow everyone to have those beliefs during that time and to really find out what they believed and to work through some of those.

Colleen Montague 27:49

It's another layer to that idea that everyone is grieving differently. It's just another layer to that that everyone's going to be in a different place. With that too, possibly, and instead of turning someone away because theirs is different than yours, leaning in.

Erin Nelson 28:06

Yeah, as we lean in and we've talked a lot even in volunteer training about you know, when someone is questioning God and they're mad at God, that we're just sitting shoulder to shoulder with them, just being with them in that as they can process their anger and questioning their beliefs. I think you question your mortality. When someone that's in your everyday life dies, it just makes you do a review on your life and what you believe and wondering where they are, and sometimes it's the first time you've ever been faced with that. So it's just a natural part of grief that you're going to wonder about that and really, like I know, brad, for you, you've been a pastor for so many years, you've sat through with so many families and I'm sure you've seen such a range in reactions to what people believe.

Brad Quillen 28:56

Over the years sitting with folks as you were talking about.

Talking to Children About Heaven

Brad Quillen 28:59

I think it's safe to say, as you even opened up the podcast about the difference between when Tyler died and when Carter died.

Brad Quillen 29:06

I think that's true across the board that if something were to happen in my family, there's a hope that I think I would approach it with. But I don't know, until I'm there and I think that's a safe statement for everybody. Until we're confronted with that, we think or we hope or we aspire that we'd react a certain way or trust in certain ways. But until we're there, I think it's too much of an abstract even, and I've sat with a lot of people, you know, towards the end of life as well, um, with diagnosages and those things. But to learn from them as they've walked close and get closer to heaven's door, I I've learned a lot and thought I hope I'm as graceful as they are. But then there's also people that are really mad and frustrated and I think that would be one of the biggest pieces is until we're confronted with those, those mortality issues that when that was, people would say when the rubber hits the road.

Erin Nelson 30:09

Yeah, and I think about you and just even your role as a chaplain and just as you come alongside people that have had trauma, you know it's, you know when you can just be with them and their anger and allow them to express all of their doubt and you know all the ways they wish that and allow everyone to work through their questions and have an honest conversation or even just explore faith for the first time, whatever it is. Just yeah, there's no right or wrong way.

Brad Quillen 30:52

And I think that's what we're saying with your kiddos is just let them explore that and ask those questions and not shy away from even saying I don't know.

Colleen Montague 31:01

Yeah, absolutely, because when you do let them have that space for wondering, it creates a safe place for them to sit through their own thoughts as they're processing it for themselves. And I wonder too if it's okay to admit when you are unsure yourself, you know, like why would that? Why would God let this happen to my brother? Can you say to them? You know, I'm wondering the same thing right now.

Brad Quillen 31:27

I'm having a hard time with that too yeah, admitting that, and just well, I've, I've I can't tell you how many times I've said God, they're one of the good ones, like pillars in the community, good dads or good moms, right, and they accident illness, you know, whatever age that is. But I've said numerous times, they're one of the good ones. Like we need these. These are the good ones we need around, but this one doesn't make sense to me.

Erin Nelson 31:55

This doesn't add up. Yeah, just the questions that we all have after someone dies.

Brad Quillen 32:01

And it would be more so with kiddos.

Erin Nelson 32:04

Oh yeah, it does not make sense.

Brad Quillen 32:08

One person in group taught me she had said you know, brad, I realized I always needed my mom. You always need your parents.

Honoring Different Beliefs in Families

Erin Nelson 32:17

Absolutely, and so to not have that it makes us think differently. It really does. And why would God allow my mom not to be here for me when I need her so much and no one can replace your mom? And to live your whole life without him? It just doesn't seem right.

Brad Quillen 32:35

Erin, that's so true because we need to just acknowledge where we're at and that can't change, unfortunately, and that also is the reality for kind of exploring some of those questions with our kiddos and the doubts that they have too. But you have an exercise, a way for kids to be able to kind of explore that and even share that. And you might be wondering how do I get my kid to share, and so would you share the clay analogy with that for kiddos to be able to do that?

Erin Nelson 33:01

Yeah, just in the book when Grief Comes Home, at the end of every chapter we have an activity that parents can do with their children, and one of them is just using clay. And I'm just thinking about that child or even that adult in our listeners today who they're just mad at God. And so we just talked about like you get that clay and you just throw it on the table. Maybe you throw it against a wall and maybe you change its shape, and maybe you change its shape into what your anger looks like. You know, maybe you change its shape into what you hope is in heaven and you know, just being able to use that clay in a way that really gets that energy of whatever you're feeling in your body when it comes to just really protesting this situation that you never asked for, you never wanted this to touch your family, but get it out and whatever we can do to get the energy of grief and rage and anger and all the questions you might have around this person dying. Just get it out and let it be.

Brad Quillen 34:11

Erin and Colleen, thank you. Thank you for this podcast today. It's a tough subject but it's a good one to talk about and, for those of you listening, visit us at jessicashouseorg for more grief resources and if you have a topic or question you'd like us to cover on this podcast. We welcome your email at info@ jessicashouse. org. Be sure to join us next time for another episode of When Grief Comes Home. Until then, we wish you well.

Gary Shriver 34:40

Episode of When Grief Comes Home. Until then, we wish you well. Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center located in California's Central Valley since 2012. We provide free peer support for children, teens, young adults and their families grieving a loss. The When Grief Comes Home podcast goes along with the book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers and if you need grief-related support, please visit jessicashouse. org to download our free resources and be sure to follow Jessica's House on social media. If you have any questions or topics that you'd like us to explore in a future episode, just send us an email to info@ jessicashouseorg. Thank you for joining us and we'll see you next time for When Grief Comes Home.