Grief and Belief - Part 2

Welcome to the When Grief Comes Home podcast. We're glad you're here. This podcast supports parents who are grieving a spouse, partner, or child while helping their children who are living through the loss of a parent or sibling. With personal grief stories and professional guidance, we offer parents practical tips for supporting their child who is grieving while caring for their own grief. 

In this episode, we explore spirituality’s complex role in grief—from finding unexpected solace to wrestling with deep doubts.

Erin Nelson shares how scripture became her lifeline after her husband’s death, offering comfort in dark moments. We also address tough questions like “why us?” and the silence that follows prayers.

The episode highlights how faith communities provide vital support, creating spaces for shared grief. Brad reflects on the hopeful shift from “goodbye” to “see you later,” acknowledging the longing for physical presence.

Parents will find helpful advice on supporting children’s spiritual questions—from imaginative beliefs to deeper doubts—with Colleen offering honest, practical language to hold mystery and truth.

Order the book When Grief Comes Home https://a.co/d/ijaiP5L

For more information on Jessica’s House or for additional resources, please go to jessicashouse.org 

Transcript

Welcome to When Grief Comes Home

Gary Shriver 0:00

Hello and welcome to When Grief Comes Home, a podcast dedicated to parents living through loss while supporting their child. Let's meet the team.

Erin Nelson 0:11

I'm Erin Nelson, founding executive director at Jessica's House.

Colleen Montague 0:15

Hi, I'm Colleen Montague, program director for Jessica's House and a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Brad Quillen 0:21

Hi, I'm Brad Quillen and I'm the host of When Grief Comes Home.

Gary Shriver 0:25

This podcast goes along with a book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child, while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers. Now let's go to the team, as they share grief resources and coping skills, heartfelt stories and insights to support parents as they raise children who are grieving Together, you'll find strength as we learn to live with loss and find ways to heal.

Brad Quillen 1:22

Well, hello, hello. It's Brad from Jessica's House. Today we're continuing our conversation on the role our faith can play in healing as we grieve. In the last episode, we talked about how our faith may be tested or even strained after the death of a loved one. As you might recall from last episode, as we talked about grief and belief, it was on some of those harder topics of not feeling God or not even being able to find a God in the midst of death. Today we're going to talk a little bit more about the power or presence our faith plays after there's been a death. Erin, I know you and I, over the years, have talked about how your faith has been paramount in these seasons of loss in your life. Would you mind sharing a bit of the ways you've leaned on your faith, but also those ways that you've seen it help you walk through some of those darkest, hardest moments?

Erin Nelson 2:15

Yes, Brad, thank you. And I think about just as we dive into how faith can be so important for people as they face a death and as they grieve At Jessica's House, you know we are a faith-based organization and just as our listeners are hearing us today, knowing that there are so many different faiths that somebody may adopt as their own, and we just want to honor everyone's faith today. And also speak just from our perspective of a Christian organization and how our faith, and even my faith, has shaped kind of my grief experience. And last time we talked about how, when we go through something like the death, of just a profound death in our lives, you know sometimes we can just really question God and not understand and feel unsafe in the world and just how sometimes it opens us up to this kind of just wondering. Like you know, we prayed for safety and we always trusted God for what we needed and we feel so kind of abandoned in some ways. And today, like just we want to talk about how families that we've served over the years, what they've taught us about their faith and how much how important it is to them and how much strength it gives them as they face death.

Erin Nelson 3:49

I never will forget. Just even it started the year before Tyler died. I had a dream that he died and he was in Alaska when he died and fishing with his friends and that was his second trip. On that time that he died. But the year before he died I had a dream that he died in Alaska.

Erin Nelson 4:14

So when he did die, I kind of felt like in some way God was preparing me for his death, and so when I think about my faith with God, I just really felt God's presence even way before he died, just preparing me and being alongside me. I remember there were key scriptures that really helped me. One of them was from Psalm 68, and it says that God is the father to the fatherless and the defender of widows. And I just remember like hanging on to that, knowing that God was with me, that he would take care of the kids, and he was my defender and someone that was with me, just helping me, just being alongside me and just helping me in all of these, this new kind of way of being, and so it really did shape so much of my experience with Tyler's death.

Brad Quillen 5:15

And we've heard over the years and you and I have, and me being a pastor and working at Jessica's house as well over the years, there's been those moments where people have said in group or even in church world for me that I've never been more distant from God following a death.

When Faith Communities Show Up

Brad Quillen 5:30

But then there's also the others in group, but also church life for me that I've never been closer. I never felt God closer in these hard moments or these dark days, even if I remember, right after Tyler died, you had your Bible and it was always with you and I want to say it was in bed with you.

Erin Nelson 5:47

Yeah, I always like slept with the light on in my Bible.

Brad Quillen 5:51

Right.

Erin Nelson 5:52

Yeah, it just my faith was just something that really sustained me. And you know, as I think I mentioned last time in our episode, I didn't grow up, as you know, with any kind of faith. I grew up in an atheist household and it wasn't anything that was part of my teaching in my life, but that I always kind of felt that love from God and I felt a real closeness from God, even as a child, and so it was very instrumental in my life. As I grew up and, like was you know, in high school and learned kind of more formally about Christianity, the Bible became very important to me. It was just one of those parts of my spirituality that I really held on to and gave me a lot of comfort to find those key verses in the Bible.

Brad Quillen 6:46

Yeah, a couple of things we want to talk about too is there's this huge presence of our faith community that comes around in times of grief and death. But before we jump into that, I also want to just acknowledge and be honest that sometimes there's some hard comments that come from people that almost make us feel like minimize our pain or and those are hard to hear from people sometimes, and so. But this is to acknowledge that sometimes, that that does happen too.

Brad Quillen 7:14

And so, when we are hoping that these people are nothing but supportive and they're in it with us, sometimes the comments do hurt or, like I said, minimize what we're feeling sometimes.

Erin Nelson 7:25

Definitely, and it's unfortunate that sometimes it's more likely to happen in a faith community and that when we have this hope of seeing a person again, that sometimes people can even negate our grief and how much we want their physical presence in our life. And just because we'll see him again doesn't mean that we don't want him right next to us.

Brad Quillen 7:53

We miss him yeah.

Colleen Montague 7:54

What have you two seen or noticed about families that have that belief in heaven and that they'll see their children or their spouse or their loved one again?

Erin Nelson 8:05

Yeah, I can think about a mom and Brad, you and I, just with our ministry in the church. I remember one of the moms that we were ministering to, her son died suddenly and she told me one morning that it's always been her hope that someday, as they were raising their children in this Christian tradition, that they would see that person again, that their kids would go to heaven. And she said, Erin, he's in heaven. Like that's all I've ever wanted.

Erin Nelson 8:43

And just to know that in our belief structure that we will see them again, it's such a comfort. I know for me even it's hard to imagine, it's almost too good to be true. In some ways, when I think about like I'll actually see Carter again, I just think like can that even be true? Like I can't even believe that I get to see him again. And it's such a comfort and just even when we've heard so many stories of people who are dying and when they you know the stories that we hear of them seeing their loved ones, in kind of that in-between space of like still being on the earth and going to heaven, and the stories that they've told, that families have told us about how, oh, they, you know. They said, oh, I see, you know my mom or my son. And that is such a beautiful sentiment and experience for somebody to actually have to know that they're seeing someone that's waiting for them.

Brad Quillen 9:54

I think for me over the years I don't know if I learned this from one person or I just kind of put it together from hearing so many different people's statements but it's kind of that shift in mindset from goodbye to see you later. And I know that sounds very trivial and like cookies on the lower shelf, but there is a piece of that is, even though we say see you later, we still miss that person. Like my kids went to school this morning. Right, I miss them throughout the day, but I know I'll see them later, but there's that reality of it's no longer goodbye but it's see you later. And so that was just kind of a and that was years ago, just kind of a different way that I

Finding Signs and Comfort

Brad Quillen 10:35

just kind of started to see alongside I mean there's also as many funerals as Aaron and Brad I've done together. You know there's some of those songs that come to my mind. You know, when we all get to heaven, what a glorious day that'll be, right, and reunification, and some of those things that we, we sing about and we hope for and we look forward to. But it doesn't also minimize the community, and man. I wish they were still here and I'd still like to do dinner or whatever the favorite thing we love to do together watch a game, whatever it is but just that shift from it's no longer goodbye, but see you later. a a i I h s so

Finding Signs and Comfort

Erin Nelson 11:05

nd, and to hold your grief. Alongside that, people and I really like what you're saying, brad, about kind of that collective experience that you can have in a faith community of all coming together and singing that same song and just acknowledging together that we have hope of that reunification. And what will that be like, you know, and just wondering together and seeing that out loud and just coming together in our faith community. And I think faith communities what we've learned from families over the years is they bring so much strength. Many times they're the ones that are organizing the food and so much of the pieces of comfort that can come alongside and surround a family after a tragic death. So I think what we've heard is people's faith community becomes something that they depend on and it brings them a lot of comfort and strength to know that they're not going to be alone in this. They have people that will be there for them and who are checking in and stopping by. And they're even going to church and sometimes we know church can be hard and people have said that first time I went to church. And sometimes we know church can be hard and people have said that first time I went to church and sing those songs, but also like what an anchor, yeah, to go in and be with other people that share something with you and to know that you can stand with them and there's just a rhythm of life to just go and just have that.

Erin Nelson 12:45

And I know, for me, right after Carter died, I was doing a retreat that was already scheduled. It was like a year long spiritual kind of commitment that I had made, retreat scheduled that year and a lot of reading I needed to do to collectively have this experience, and I kind of had this choice of opting out but I decided to move forward with that. So I spent, you know several you know times weekends that year at a monastery with other people that were sharing that with me and it was there were times of silence and rhythms of just being together and I I really brought me a lot of strength. And so it's just kind of finding out, I think, for our listeners, like what do you need right now After someone dies? How can a community of someone who shares your spirituality bring you comfort? And what rhythms do you need in your life? What kind of people do you want around you? And so sometimes just exploring that idea of spirituality can be helpful when you're grieving.

Brad Quillen 14:01

You mentioned going back to church and I've seen People walk back into church and they used to sit. I mean, we're creatures of habit so we sit kind of in the same section, right. But what was that like for you the first time you went back and sat by yourself and Tyler wasn't with you?

Erin Nelson 14:15

Yeah, you know it was interesting because, yeah, I sat in the same place and he wasn't there. Yeah I just remember it being just so tender.

Brad Quillen 14:23

Yeah.

Erin Nelson 14:25

Just a very fragile time to be there by myself, you know, because at that time the kids were in their you know classes, yeah, and I remember just there was a different level of soaking everything mornings, "I I actually can remember like words of sermons and the music that was played. I think it's a time that you're just kind of broken open and you are" absorbing things in a new way that you hadn't before, because everything kind of falls away during that time.

Erin Nelson 14:58

All the things that may have been on your mind when you were it, but church, like when's lunch and you know, did I do the laundry And's like you are hungry, you know, and you're thirsty for God and something to get you to the next moment, and you're just hanging on to every part of that song and the hugs that surround you and all of that.

Erin Nelson 15:27

All of that, and it's interesting because, you know, I remember a quote that a pastor said and I ended up finding this little saying at a local store and it was framed and it said and I thought it was so good and it was something that you know where I was, at the same time, like, my faith was very important to me and I was leaning on God and at the same time, I felt just that kind of you know, wondering and curiosity about how could this happen? And this quote was like what I read, that it was one time inscribed on a wall at a concentration camp and it said and this is what the pastor said one of those Sunday mornings I believe in the sun, even when it's not shining. I believe in love even when I don't feel it. I believe in God, even when he's silent. And when he said that I'll never forget, just like thinking, oh, like wow, just to think that, even when I can't see God and even when he feels quiet, even when I can't feel His warmth and love because of the sadness that he's still there, and so like finding that and putting it on my wall and that it really just meant so much to me. So I think I was just ready for any little piece of inspiration that could help.

Brad Quillen 17:02

Yeah, I've had people say that to me over the years and it. But then they'll come back a few weeks later or months later and they'll say you know, I God was silent, but his people weren't.

Erin Nelson 17:12

Something to that effect. I love that their words, right.

Brad Quillen 17:15

But you know, I asked you kind of point blank about sitting in church because I've seen people that have known what's going on with someone and then they sit next to him for the next few weeks, so they're not alone, right.

Gary Shriver 17:25

And so we're not.

Brad Quillen 17:27

We're already feeling so wife's no longer sitting next to me. But when know aren't silent. I'm like, well sometimes they need to be. , I felt God was silent but, as people you know, stepped up, and so there's so many little ways we can do that food.

Brad Quillen 17:45

Sometimes the years of people you know, because the lawn hadn't been done and then dad died and so me and a few other guys go do yard work or just all these other little things.

Erin Nelson 17:53

It's so good, yeah, and I love what you're saying about just sitting next to someone and just as we think about someone who is needing that extra comfort, it's like just get closer.

Brad Quillen 18:07

And you don't need to say anything. .

Talking to Children About Faith

Erin Nelson 18:08

Right, right, comfort. It's like just get closer and you don't need to say anything. Right, right. So when you said, um, god's people aren't you know? jessicashouse. jessicashouse.

Brad Quillen 18:16

aren't silent, back, and Well, sometimes they need to be sometimes sometimes yeah. Yeah, that that presence, um, we have a mutual friend that that just has sat with people for months and just gone over and been with them every day checking on them and literally going to their house and just being there.

Erin Nelson 18:36

Just sitting down.

Talking to Children About Faith

Brad Quillen 18:38

Hey, we're going to go and take a Brad break right now, but as we come back from that, we're going to talk a bit about some of that, you that surround spirituality, but also how do we have conversations with our kiddos on this topic spirituality, but also how do we have conversations with our kiddos on this topic.

Gary Shriver 18:54

Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center located in California's Central Valley since 2012. We provide free peer support for children, teens, young adults and their families grieving a loss. The when Grief Comes Home podcast goes along with the book of the same name. The book when Grief Comes is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers and if you need grief-related support, please visit jessicashouseorg to download our free resources and be sure to follow Jessica's House on social media. If you have any questions or topics that you'd like us to explore in a future episode, just send Erin, then email to info at jessicashouseorg.

Brad Quillen 19:42

Well, welcome back. And as we come into this second part of this episode, we want to take a few minutes and just talk about some of the ways we've heard people make connections to God and maybe a different way of spirituality and Erin, I know we've heard tons and tons of stories. We talk about a lot of the stories, but there's one in particular.

Brad Quillen 20:00

That kind of talking, it tone for what we want to talk about a little bit here in the second part of this episode. Would you share the golden retriever story with us, friend?

Erin Nelson 20:09

Oh yeah, we've been talking about this, Brad, and I think about just several years ago. I was talking to someone and she was just sharing that. You know, she didn't really adopt any formal kind of belief structure and any she wasn't part of a church or you know anything like that. But she was telling me that, um, you would, you know her husband had died. And she said, you know, aaron, when my husband died, you know her husband had died. And she said, you know, erin, when my husband died, you know, we were at the ER and he died suddenly of a heart attack. And she said I got home and my dog, who had never really jumped on my bed or you know, he really had his own bed on the floor, he just jumped on my bed and he, you know, he really had his own bed on the floor, he just jumped on my bed and he was a golden retriever. And she said he just laid his head down like on my neck and just stayed there all night and just was comforting me. And she said there were so many other parts of kind of nature that she connected to whether that was her dog.

Erin Nelson 21:10

There was one time when she went to visit family from out of town and her husband loved to make this special kind of dip. It was like some kind of pate or something, and he that was like his specialty. He always made it, no matter what. Whenever anybody gathered, gathered, it was always kind of like what he did, and so it involved getting a lot of ingredients into the blender and one time he put a rubber spatula into the blender and it like blended the spatula up, but he didn't want to throw it away, so he just like poured it on the counter and then he picked all the little pieces of rubber spatula out of this dip. And so she said you know, aaron. Then we traveled and she said we had this really beautiful, actually, we were there to remember him and we traveled to Switzerland, him, and we traveled to Switzerland. And she said, and we were on this in this countryside and we were toasting to him and we were remembering him, and they brought in something you know, like this spread for our bread, and she said and there was a piece of a rubber spatula in this little like thing. And she said we laughed so hard and it was like he was there and he was just playing a trick on us, and I think of all the times that people have told us over the years in some way or another that they just felt a little nudge.

Erin Nelson 22:40

You know, sometimes they'll say from the universe, from their loved one, whatever it might be, and so I just love those stories. We hear so many of them in group and somehow it's almost like this little message in my own faith tradition. When I heard her I just thought about the love from God just touching her and helping her feel seen, and it just thought she wasn't forgotten and you know he was real and it just it. I think somehow every person and like what I think of is just finds comfort after, after someone dies, stretching always. It brings me so much hope that that's what we've experienced.

Brad Quillen 23:27

When you were talking. It made me think that the word seen, but it's just that I remember you.

Erin Nelson 23:32

Yeah.

Brad Quillen 23:33

Even though you feel alone, I still remember you. Erin, there's also ways in which people have shared with us over the years and maybe some of the people listening today where it wasn't more of the individual piece but it was more of a collective piece of being with a group or that, something together with others, where they felt that nudge to spirituality.

Erin Nelson 23:53

Yeah, I think about just that collective experience of spirituality. One that comes to mind that people say often is that experience of being in a yoga class where they feel connected to themselves and others and some form of spirituality that's bringing them strength, being able to connect and move and breathe and even hum together. I think can be such a sacred experience for so many people, and I've heard people say that they cry, you know, at the end of their mat. Maybe they have tears that need to be shed, or maybe they are just the gentle stretching or a workout is exactly what they need and they feel more connected to their own spirituality and others.

Brad Quillen 24:48

We've been talking about how people get connected to God or through spirituality, because there's been a death. But I want to just ask you something that is kind of harder topic and a little bit of that is, and that's that acknowledgement that we're all going to experience death at some point.

Helping Teens Process Spiritually

Erin Nelson 25:05

Yeah.

Brad Quillen 25:19

But in the back of our mind we often say why me? Or why them? That I'm going to go through life and not have anything bad and that's a whole other thing to unpack, but there's also, there is that that piece in our faith that God, why us? Why right now? Why them? They were one of the good ones, like all these, these things that come up, and there's that reality that there will be hardship in this life and we acknowledge that, there's a passage in John that talks about in this world, you will have trouble.

Erin Nelson 25:38

But take heart, I've overcome the world and I think about just that peace that we know this isn't heaven, right and so, as Christians, our belief is that we can expect suffering, that we know that there will be suffering in this world, and we don't know what it will look like, but there will be some form of suffering that leaves us longing for something else someday. That this isn't it. You know what we experience here, and our promise is that He'll never leave us or forsake us. So our promise is His presence through whatever we go through. And so, as we have that, expected suffering, we know it will be here, but you know how can we find hope through it and trust that it won't last forever, because this is not kind of like, sounds very trite in some ways, but this isn't our true home. We're longing for that.

Brad Quillen 26:41

It reminds me we're recording this a few weeks after Easter that Good Friday happens and that's when there's the death. But my pastor reminded us that Sundays are coming right, soo there's always the

Brad Quillen 26:55

Sunday follows the Good Friday, with the resurrection and the hope that we have in that.

Helping Teens Process Spiritually

Erin Nelson 27:19

And like think about Lazarus the word that's used for how he responded to that death is a growl, a growl. He actually let out this utterance of the sound. That was a deep grief, where we've heard people say I couldn't even cry, I just. It was like something just came out of me. That was like a growl and that's what he did, even though he had the hope that not only was he, would he be resurrected, right, but he would see him again for eternity.

Brad Quillen 27:49

And so, knowing that we can grieve deeply and lament and cry and do all everything that we need to do, because Jesus showed us, and he modeled, how to be a human on this earth and really grieve in an authentic way, and there's those pieces of the individual grief, but then also collective grief too, that we see and that's one of the things we see here at the house and there's that reality of these are some of the questions that kiddos coming to the house are asking and you might be listening, thinking my kid is asking those very say, same"ou questions of that reality of suffering or that hard, those hard questions around suffering, the why us, why dad, " why mom, why my brother, why my sister? why, And those are not easy questions to answer as a parent or an immediate with, you just got custody because someone has died. Colleen, I know Erin and I have been talking a lot, but what are some of say, "I to help prepare adults to be able to answer some of those questions, or even just the acknowledgement that they might be coming?

Colleen Montague 28:52

ou know it's not too different than what we've been talking about when kids ask us questions and giving them answers to the best of your ability and so just being present for their questions, hearing what their thoughts are are, they're wonderings, and you can share what you believe to be true. You know, I believe that mommy's in heaven and we'll get to see her again someday. Or even if you don't know for sure, any of like you know, none of us knows what heaven actually looks like, so we can't actually give that answer. And so you can say you know, I don't know for sure, but this is what I hope it's like, this is what I think. And then, with those angry questions of the why you don't have an answer for that, right, you can back it with.

Colleen Montague 29:40

You know the scripture, like you guys shared if, if that feels right according to your child's developmental age. But you can also just say I don't know and I'm mad too right now, or I'm wondering that too right now, because really what we want is to just hear them and acknowledge the pain they're in, acknowledge the wonderings, not shut it down, and when they know, they can just come and explore those ideas or desires with you. That's really "ey gift that you can offer in this, and so you know on that note too they might be in a different place than you are. They might be struggling while you're feeling secure, or vice versa, who knows. And so it's as hard as it can be as a parent trying to just honor where they are, even if it's not the same spot you're in.

Brad Quillen 30:31

Erin, hearing all that, if your kid or kiddos are not asking , should you be concerned? Or should that be raising a yellow flag of caution? Or what would you say to those listening that their kiddos are? They're okay, they haven't asked some of those hard questions.

Colleen Montague 30:48

When don't ask because they're not sure they're allowed to ask or talk about it. Or I think that was, there be hard if we feel like we're questioning our faith, that can be looked down upon sometimes, or we think that people will look down on us for questioning God. And so what you can do as the parent is just take lead and model that for them and start the conversation. Maybe you could say, hey, you know, today when I saw you at practice and just how good you've gotten at your sport, I thought, man, I really hope daddy's watching and I just thought I wondered if he was. You know, and if I'll get to, you know, I hope I'm going to get to see him again and ask him like, hey, how about him? And how well you know how great he got at that sport. And I just wondered, do you ever think the same thing? You know, just kind of throwing it back and opening that conversation, kind of its imagination a little bit too, of just what are you thinking about?

Brad Quillen 31:47

Aaron, did you're, when have seasons of more questions or less questions? w C D d c C w s i h s. N j j j w t c.

Gary Shriver 33:02

And I think it was so .

Brad Quillen 33:22

Hey Erin was still in high school. No, just just went to college.

Erin Nelson 32:46

Developmentally, just right, yeah, so after Carter died and you know, kind of like I've been pretty honest about this with you know, just it was such a different death for us and I would say for our whole family. Harsh, and like I said with you know, having that kind of preparation after Tyler died and feeling just so held and and just I don't know I already is it's just so weird but I felt ready for it and felt so prepared hey.

Brad Quillen 33:22

Aaron, I know we were just you and I were just talking about more of younger kids House but there's also those that are listening that have teenagers, preteens, all those things that make up that age range. And, colleen, what would you tell some of those listening about some of those developmental pieces that teens, preteens, even maybe college age kids are walking through?

Colleen Montague 33:43

Developmentally. Just under normal circumstances, it's so typical for adolescents to be differentiating from their family, to be creating their own identity in who they are, what their own beliefs are. So that's common among adolescents anyways. So if you add grief on top of that with so much you know nuance to it, there can be anger or confusion or questioning, you know, of why didn't God keep our family safe, why did he let this happen? And so you might find your adolescent, your teenager, your young adult, questioning their faith in a deeper way, beyond just creating their own identity, and that can be really scary for you as a parent if it differs from where you are, and it can be a little nerve wracking for parents anyways.

Erin Nelson 34:42

Yeah, and Colleen, I'm also just thinking of the kids that we've seen here at Jessica's house and how sometimes they are also really deepening their faith and how it's something that they're finding more and more solace in their faith and they're finding more strength in their faith. Maybe they have a group of friends I think about just kids who their youth group friends are everything to them and they're going and they're finding a faith community for their own for the very first time and so that can bring so much strength and can really help them as they are working through this grief experience and when they're feeling kind of scared for their safety, that they are finding their friends are so important to them and when they have a faith community it's really just watching them and hearing from them about how much it helps them.

Creative Ways to Connect Spiritually

Colleen Montague 35:44

I think you know with what you're saying, Erin. It just the same message applies either way. Just meet your child, meet your teen where they are. Just meet them where they are, be there for the questions, for the exploration, because that's setting you up to be one of those people that they'll process you with yes, and that's what you want to do. lea n

Erin Nelson 36:03

Be that trusted parent and that they can go to.

Colleen Montague 36:06

Mm-hmm, we were talking earlier about just finding connections spiritually in nature, and I was thinking about how you can bring your kid along with you in that, whether it's finding signs out and about through animals, or I've heard a lot about like numbers, like on a clock, like sequences of numbers, lights flickering, bringing know, bringing your kids into that as well, or, lena, listening to what their assumptions are, and I was thinking about that story you shared with me, erin, about balloons and what happens when they escape somebody's little hand. .

Erin Nelson 38:27

And I think that's such a sweet image that your kids had in those moments of just imagining their dad holding this bunch of balloons, like to me right now, that's a really sweet image and so that's okay to just go with that right and just imagine that with them. sweetIt's, I was when the kids were little and you know, kind of growing up without Tyler. They would sometimes, you know, you well a helium balloon and you know it's such a tragedy when they escape and go into the sky and the about an just looking up and watching it go up into the clouds and they're so sad. So one of them just said, well, maybe daddy will catch it for us. And just said, well, maybe daddy will catch it for us. And we had so much fun thinking about Tyler having every balloon and someday when they got there to heaven that he would hand them a big bunch of balloons and that he would have caught all their helium balloons and it did help in the moment.

Erin Nelson 37:26

Erin so, yeah, I think, just as they processed heaven and their dad being there and that someday, especially for Cody, I think about it just like he was so young when his dad died and didn't When really know him as Erin and didn't don't he doesn't have as many memories sweetness of really knowing the essence of his dad and who he really is and just being able to be reunited and just how you know Tyler lives in both of them and just how much I see them and now we're, you know, just they're adults, and so it's so amazing to see him be inside of them to see him be inside of them, and I think that's such a sweet image that your kids had in those moments of just imagining their dad holding this bunch of balloons Like to me right now, that's a really sweet image and so that's okay to just go with that right and just imagine that with them.

Colleen Montague 38:27

It's kind of a nice little place for them When put their thoughts or their sadness is just imagining their dad holding their balloons. Yeah Well, I am glad you shared that story because it goes along well with the art invitation we were thinking about. An art activity that you could do with your kids would be to send up thoughts or notes to their parent, and one way that we've done this is you can buy dissolvable paper and invite your child to write a letter to their loved one or to God, draw a picture and then put that dissolvable paper into a little container of bubbles and it will dissolve and hands, so with the rest of it, and then have them blow bubbles up into the sky and whether your child's imagining they're going up, just floating away, floating into the clouds, or that they're going to reach heaven so that their parent or their you know, or God can receive it, um is a nice little sweet activity that you could do together.

Brad Quillen 39:31

Erin and Colleen, thanks for this hard conversation today. This is tough topic, and this brings us to the end of today's episode, and it's also bringing us towards the end of our first season of When Grief Comes Home. Erin, I know there's something you wanted to share with our listeners today as we wrap up this podcast. Why don't you go ahead and take a moment.

Erin Nelson 39:51

We're wrapping up the very first season ever of When Grief Comes Home, and, just as our listeners have given us really great feedback, I just want to say if you could just take a moment to rate our podcast and also write a review. It helps get it into the hands of those who need it most, and so every time you review a podcast it goes up a little bit into ratings, and so if somebody just types in grief in a podcast search, they can find this podcast, and, as we know that it's been so helpful for parents who are grieving, we want to get it into more hands. So please rate and review.

Gary Shriver 40:57

Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center located in California's Central Valley since 2012. We provide free peer support for children, teens, young adults and their families grieving a loss. The When Grief Comes Home podcast goes along with the book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers and if you need grief-related support, please visit jessicashouse. org to download our free resources and be sure to follow Jessica's House on social media. If you have any questions or topics that you'd like us to explore in a future episode, just send us an email to info@ jessicashouseorg. Thank you for joining us and we'll see you next time for When Grief Comes Home.