The Griever's Calendar

Some of the hardest grief days aren’t circled on anyone’s holiday planner. We’ve learned from parents that the calendar can ambush you with emotion on days you never expected: the first New Year’s Day without them, a Super Bowl Sunday that used to be full of laughter, an April Fools moment that makes you wish it were all a prank, or even Tax Day when paperwork forces you to face a new identity.

We walk through the Griever’s Calendar and explain why these “ordinary” dates can hit so hard when you’re parenting through loss. Erin shares a personal story about the first Fourth of July after her husband Tyler died and how missing roles, routines, and simple support can turn a family tradition into a day that feels overwhelming. Colleen adds what we see in grief groups at Jessica’s House, including how different seasons affect different families and why triggers can stack up when anniversaries, birthdays, and floating holidays collide.

Along the way, we offer practical grief support for widowed parents and bereaved families: name what’s coming so it’s less shocking, talk with your kids about what they want, keep traditions if they help, change them if you need to, and scale things down without guilt. We also touch on when it makes sense to outsource stressful tasks and how to honor your limits while you find a new rhythm.

If this conversation helps, subscribe, share it with a parent who might need it, and leave a rating and review so more families can find support. What date on the calendar feels hardest for you right now?

Resources:

The Griever's Calendar

Jessica's House Resources

For more information on Jessica’s House or for additional resources, please go to jessicashouse.org 

Transcript

Welcome And Podcast Purpose

Gary Shriver 0:00

Hello, and welcome to When Grief Comes Home, a podcast dedicated to parents living through loss while supporting their child. Let's meet the team.

Erin Nelson 0:10

I'm Erin Nelson, founding executive director at Jessica's House.

Colleen Montague 0:14

Hi, I'm Colleen Montague, Program Director for Jessica's House and a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Brad Quillen 0:21

Hi, I'm Brad Quillen, and I'm the host of When Grief Comes Home.

Gary Shriver 0:25

This podcast goes along with the book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers. Now let's go to the team as they share grief resources and coping skills, heartfelt stories and insights to support parents as they raise children who are grieving. Together, you'll find strength as we learn to live with loss and find ways to heal.

Brad Quillen 1:01

Well, hello, hello. It's Brad from Jessica's House. In this episode, we're going to talk about the Griever's Calendar, those dates all throughout the calendar year that bring up reactions and emotions that are all related to our grief. Erin Colleen, hey, it's good to be back with you guys and talking through this idea of Griever's Calendar. And I know we have heard this over the years how things on the calendar bring up emotion for families. But so today we want to take a few minutes and talk about that on this podcast episode. And before we jump into it, the in the show notes will be what we talk about that we have here in the studio today is the Griever's calendar. For those of you listening, if you want to see kind of the notes that we're talking through, it'll be in the show notes. But I didn't realize it until it happened to me in group that some days that come on the calendar we never think about that will spark so much emotion in those grieving. And Erin, that's a part of your story too, and kind of what happened after your husband Tyler died, that there's a day on the calendar that kind of pops up and it's like, oh yeah, this is when Tyler died.

Erin’s First Fourth Of July

Erin Nelson 1:59

Right. And you know, when you face these different times, and I think when we think about holidays or something on the calendar, we're always thinking about the biggies, right? Those fall holidays, like maybe Thanksgiving or maybe Christmas or something like that. But there are these other dates on the calendar that come up that you never think will be associated with loss and will make you miss your person. So much of the time when we are facing these feelings of grief that are coming up, we don't even realize that someone took a role in a particular day that is now missing. Maybe they, you know, we all naturally take these roles in life, right? And especially when we have these holidays. And so as I've talked about before, Tyler died on June the 20th. And so our first natural kind of holiday, which I never really think of as like a big holiday that you would think about really missing someone, was the fourth of July. Yeah.

Brad Quillen 3:01

A couple weeks later.

Erin Nelson 3:02

Just a couple weeks later. And I never thought about all that he did. And I started to grieve the roles that he filled with lighting the fireworks, with holding the kids when they were afraid, with barbecuing the, you know, burgers or the hot dogs. And that was one that I faced that really took me off guard. And so as we go through the calendar today, we'll be kind of talking about like what are those days that families have taught us over the years that are really hard.

Brad Quillen 3:32

So can we take a second and just talk about that first fourth of July? Like, do you still remember that?

Erin Nelson 3:38

I do. I do actually. Um, as I've kind of told in my story, when I got the phone call that Tyler died, I was visiting his parents in Monterey, which is a couple hours away from us. So that um a few days before Fourth of July, we decided we would celebrate there.

Brad Quillen 3:55

Yeah.

Erin Nelson 3:56

And because we were always together as a family, right? Grandparents, kids, and we planned on driving over. I remember, um, of course, it was just a couple weeks into this very traumatic loss and driving over, you have to kind of go through a mountain pass and being so tired that I had the kids in the car, and I thought, oh no, I think I'm gonna have to pull over because I can't actually stay awake during this drive. I just, it was maybe the first time I'd really sat still for a little while. And as we um thought about, you know, doing kind of all of our Fourth of July, you know, just activities, I remember we did something different that year. And we didn't normally go to like a fireworks show um where everyone gathered.

Brad Quillen 4:42

Yeah.

Erin Nelson 4:42

And I remember that just feeling so overwhelming, just facing a big crowd and um, you know, going taking the kids by myself to the bathroom. You know, it's the little things where you can kind of like one kid has to go to the bathroom and you can kind of split up a little bit and just trying to make my way through the crowd and um like my three-year-old being really scared of how loud the fireworks were and not having dad there to comfort him. There were just so many pieces of that Fourth of July that just felt weird, just felt super wrong. It wasn't anything that we had done in the past. And even if we did try to do and recreate what we normally did, that also wouldn't feel good. So that's that kind of double bind that so many of the times we're in as a griever of trying to recreate something and that doesn't feel good or right. Or if you try to do something else, that also doesn't feel good or right. And so it's just like no matter where you turn, you are faced with a lot of painful um just emotions and that energy of grief that just kind of feels just like it's really weighing you down.

Brad Quillen 5:48

Yeah, you're trudging through it and that lethargy. We've talked a lot about the word lethargy in other podcasts too.

Erin Nelson 5:54

Yeah. And I don't know if I've ever really like you're kind of fighting for your life when you're driving and I thought it's morning and I cannot stay awake. And it was such a deep fatigue that I had never experienced before. And I remember I had a child, one of um our good friends' kids with me as well. And I would just like have this huge, like felt this huge responsibility of just thinking, I've got these kids in the car, I have to be awake. I can't, you know, like I there's no place to pull over, even if I tried to take a nap. We've got kids.

Brad Quillen 6:25

I mean, it was like are you gonna sleep with three kids?

Erin Nelson 6:29

Yeah, and um so yeah, it's just yeah, that deep tiredness that you feel, it's like when people say bone tired. Yeah. I think that was the first time I felt that, and where there's nothing you can do about it, like the only way to remedy it is to actually just let yourself go to sleep. And um, that's not always possible.

How Seasons Shape Grief

Brad Quillen 6:51

Yeah. And that's just a holiday, but there's some things that aren't marked holidays on the calendar that bring some of those emotions up. And we're gonna get into that with that Grievers calendar. And the Grievers calendar that we found many years ago that we've been talking about around the around Jessica's House, is from Our House, the grief center down in the greater Los Angeles area that we'll put in the show notes. But Colleen, Erin was talking about that lethargy, and you and I have done a lot of adult groups over the years. How often do you see parents just kind of bring up the holiday piece or the date kind of idea that, oh, it's another Friday in the first few months, or it's the 12th again, right? The the the calendar does play a role in grief.

Speaker 1 7:30

Yes, Brad, it comes up often, you know, especially during certain seasons, and it changes for each family. I know one family, the January through March, was a really hard stretch every year. It was her husband's birthday, it was also the death anniversary, and then it was a culmination of other holidays like Valentine's Day. And so every year she said, like, I just need to get through these next three months. And but for another family, it's a different stretch of time that's been harder for them, those summer months, you know, May, June, July. Um, and there's so much uniqueness um for why a holiday, you know, can be significant or extra hard. And then if you throw in birth dates or anniversaries in those times, it just makes it so much extra.

New Year Without Them

Brad Quillen 8:17

And we want to just acknowledge that we're gonna hit some of the dates that aren't those typical holidays that we we realize that the Thanksgiving and the Christmas and the Father's Day and Mother's Day, those are some of the big ones that I think we all recognize make it hard, right? And bring up some of those emotions. But as we jump into this, even New Year's Day, I know we don't really think of that as a part of Christmas, but it's in that time season. But it's the reality of it's a new year, if you want to speak to that a little bit, Erin.

Erin Nelson 8:43

Yeah, so I know we've talked to families here at Jessica's House that have really taught us that New Year's Day is really difficult because it was one maybe their husband's like favorite day because all his favorite teams were playing and and they're having this long kind of marathon day of football. And that is a time also that people are realizing that you know you have to face another year without them, especially if the person died the previous year, it almost feels like a betrayal. Yeah, that you're stepping in to a new year, but you don't get to take them with you. Yeah. And so this idea that, you know, maybe they died last year and kind of being in the year of even a time that you experience them alive, right? And so you were closer to them during that time in that year, and now you're getting even further and further away from them. Now it's not even in the year that they died. It feels like you're moving on and they're kind of moving away from you and then in another way.

Brad Quillen 9:51

Yeah, I'd say that people they've taught me in group that's hard to say they died last year. Yeah. And it's it, you know, instead of it was four months ago or eight months ago, it was last year. And that that's a huge shift for some people.

Colleen Montague 10:03

And some, you know, might be looking at the new year with promise of I I just want to leave this last year behind me. And maybe maybe we can start to, you know, things can start to be better, but then it's it's not immediately, and then they're disappointed with that.

Super Bowl And Valentine’s Day

Brad Quillen 10:18

That expectation set, but it's not met. There also are some people that it's been months or six, eight months, but they had plans for this year. And right now we're here, those aren't gonna come to fruition. It's so different. Are we still gonna we have kids saying, Are we still going to so it's such and such place? Are we going here? You know, with some of the summer plans that are coming. Erin, you mentioned football a few moments ago, which kind of takes us to the next one that that a lesson that I learned here from one of our staff members that her husband loved Super Bowl Sunday. And it was a time for everyone came to our house for Super Bowl.

Erin Nelson 10:53

Yeah.

Brad Quillen 10:54

But it's been a number of years since her husband died, and and that doesn't happen anymore. So that's always hard for her. But Super Bowl was a huge deal for them as a family.

Erin Nelson 11:03

Absolutely. You know, I think about the families that we talk to where even if it wasn't the game itself, they love to watch the commercials together and laugh about them. And you lose that person to share humor with where you just look at each other, you know, when you're watching something and you can just share a moment of humor together. And also, you know, there's a lot of snacks, right?

Brad Quillen 11:28

I was just gonna say, can we be honest about the food? Yeah, right.

Erin Nelson 11:31

And so so much of the time that, you know, you may be making something for that person and realizing that like it's fine, like you like you like it too, but you love that how much they enjoy it. Yeah, and that brought you um so much joy just to make it for them. And so they're no longer here just to enjoy all of that together and just that obvious piece of them not being there. Yeah, you just feel the weight of it when they're not around.

Brad Quillen 12:02

Yeah, it's another thing that's not happening anymore.

Erin Nelson 12:05

Yeah, yeah, and you just feel the out their absence, and it it definitely just changes the whole environment of the room, of the day, of how you're looking forward to something, and yeah, you kind of start to just get through it in some ways.

Brad Quillen 12:22

And with Super Bowl, right after that is Valentine's Day, and that's uh one of those big ones, right? And we just can just acknowledge that that that's hard.

Erin Nelson 12:30

Yeah. I've even heard for parents um who've lost a child that they always get their child a little something for Valentine's Day, and how not having them there anymore is just a reminder of, you know, what's missing in their lives, and then the obvious part of just not having someone acknowledge this day that's you know, of course it's kind of that hallmark kind of you know holiday, but also it's just a reminder of just sending a little extra love to those people around you, and that's really tough.

Brad Quillen 13:06

As we w make our way down the calendar a little bit, we get towards the month of April, and inside of April, there's a couple things. Sometimes Easter falls in April for folks, but there's also April Fools that sometimes we might not think of that is on the calendar that I've heard people say, I wish that I woke up, and this was an April Fool's joke that I'm not living this reality.

Erin Nelson 13:25

Yeah, I think about April Fool's Day, Brad, and um we have some friends that the husband died around that time. And there was so much talk about that. Like, can this just be a joke? Maybe he's, you know, just playing a prank on us and he really didn't even die. And then there's that other side of people, maybe, you know, if you've lost a child or lost a pregnancy that people may be doing some April Fool's jokes about, you know, we're expecting a baby or something like that. And it can be a really painful time when you're missing someone, if people are doing some pranks that just feel a little bit insensitive.

Brad Quillen 14:07

And even in the midst of that April piece, daylight savings kind of falls in the middle in that little before sometimes just depends. But Colleen, what what happens with that sometimes for folks?

Colleen Montague 14:16

Yeah, we we know that the fall back when the days are shorter are hard for families, all the darkness surrounding them. And so then you would assume that the spring forward with more daylight would be a benefit that that would be helpful. And I think it is for some families, but then for others, you know, that's more time that the kids are outside and playing and you know, maybe needing that structure. And and so maybe that can come with some stressors or you know, the yard needs more tending too. You know, that picks up in the spring, and maybe the dad was the one who did all the lawn, you know, the yard work, and you've you've missed that now too.

Erin Nelson 14:55

Yeah, Brad, I was thinking about a dad who once told me that, you know, when it gets lighter later, he loves to go on long runs. And now that he's fathering solo. Yeah, single parent. Yeah, right. Um, and so he is no longer able to just go on a run anymore. He has these young kids at home that he can't just go. And so he never even thought about that. He was just all of a sudden starting to like kind of get his gym shorts on and realizing, oh, that's right, I can't just go on a run today.

Brad Quillen 15:29

She's not here.

Erin Nelson 15:30

She's not here to watch the kids and be with them while I go. And when you don't have, you know, here's this, you know, everyone says, take good care of yourself, exercise, go for a walk, but you know, you can't take young kids out on a long run.

Brad Quillen 15:44

Yeah.

Tax Day And Paperwork Grief

Erin Nelson 15:45

Right? And so how do you do that? And so much of the time it's just the littlest things that you don't think about.

Brad Quillen 15:52

As we talk about this, some people are like, Boy, I'm about to turn this episode off because now I'm gonna fear the calendar or fear every day. But that's not not what we're saying. It's the reality of we've learned from families that some of these things pop up. And I think the biggest one I learned many years ago was tax day. And that's right in that April world and the 15th, usually that now something's different. When I do my taxes, for some families, we have less dependence, and that's that's huge. You want to talk about bringing up emotion um or I'm I'm widow, right? Widower. Usually we don't think of paperwork being one of those things that's gonna engage a bunch of grief and and feelings, but boy, that sure can.

Erin Nelson 16:33

Yeah, you're checking that box for the first time. Widower, widower, or less dependence, and it's something that you don't anticipate when you're grieving. You might be thinking about the big milestones, and then all of a sudden you're faced with something like this, and it's really hard to face those days, and then you're left in this kind of surprise world of like just you're never expecting that.

Colleen Montague 17:00

And then if your husband or wife were the ones who did the taxes, who collected all that, even begin. Yeah, yeah. You know, you're you'd be so lost now. And and you know, we've talked about that before in previous episodes of when to know when to outsource and get some support. And that's one of those times to to get some support with that now.

Erin Nelson 17:20

Yeah, and you may not even know where to find any of those documents and how do you pull all of that together. And these are conversations you always think you'll have, and they just sometimes you don't have them. No, and then you're left just not knowing what to do.

Brad Quillen 17:36

It's another opportunity where you feel overwhelmed. So much is overwhelming, and then it's like, oh my gosh, another you know, task that feels unsurmountable.

Erin Nelson 17:45

That you're doing by yourself.

Brad Quillen 17:46

Yeah.

Erin Nelson 17:47

Yeah.

Name It So It’s Manageable

Brad Quillen 17:47

And I have no idea where to begin. Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:50

You know, Brad, you said that we don't we're not sharing this episode to make anybody feel worse.

Brad Quillen 17:56

Or put fear into people.

Colleen Montague 17:57

But I I appreciate that you said that because really what we're trying to do is just honor the feelings that might be coming up for our listeners. Yeah. That just said it's valid. It's okay. And I think that's what we're really trying to highlight here.

Erin Nelson 18:13

And also anytime we can anticipate what might be, it helps us prepare for that. So it doesn't take us um off guard. And I think about Joanne, who created this griever's calendar and how she did this as a service to those who are grieving so they could anticipate and prepare for some of these dates on the calendar that you never think about when you first lose someone.

Brad Quillen 18:41

It's funny the quote just from Mr. Old Fred Rogers. You know, if it's mentionable, it's manageable.

Erin Nelson 18:46

Oh, yeah.

Mother’s Day Father’s Day Milestones

Brad Quillen 18:47

If we can just be honest and for and forecast a little bit of some of these things that are gonna happen for grievers, right? And don't be side sideswiped or blindsided by some of these emotions. And because there's plenty of that. There's plenty of oh, just every day. That's what I mean. There's plenty of emotions to just pour out of you from things that you never thought would invoke that emotion. But absolutely if we can just help kind of give some of that that light to hey, there's gonna be some hard days as you as you just walk through the calendar over the next couple years. Um, which kind of takes us to a hard one, and that's the Mother's Day, Father's Day stuff kind of starts coming up here in May-ish and June. But that that's a reality too.

Erin Nelson 19:24

Yeah, the Mother's Day and Father's Day. And, you know, I heard a dad say one time, you know, just how the kids would help with kind of getting things ready for um him as he would, you know, do something for the um for their mom. And it's so different now that there's nothing to do. And also for all of the mothers that are celebrated around them and they don't have that. We know even with school projects that you know kids are left out, and a lot of times teachers aren't even thinking about that. Yeah, that that child may not have a mom. And so it's such a sensitive kind of holiday because there's so many advertisements around that, and you're really missing your mom and you're wanting to celebrate her, and she's no longer here.

Colleen Montague 20:24

Something that can happen on these holidays and others that are the floating holidays, you know, Mother's Day is a different date every year. And so if that also coincides around the time of the person, the the time that they died, now you've got two kind of double whammies. Or if the person died on Mother's Day, now that date's hard, and then whatever day Mother's Day falls on. So it kind of becomes two days of mourning in that regard. And you know, that's true of a lot of holidays that float throughout the year.

Brad Quillen 20:56

As we're talking about Mother's Day, we're obviously talking about Father's Day in those pieces too, that there's just so much of that that goes into that. And it that that's that late spring, early, early summer piece, there's the graduation reality of these are big momentous things of people's lives and celebrations. And even even weddings come into that. Like I know wedding season kind of tends to start in the spring and kind of go through the summer, but there's those some of those things that are parent. My mom would have been so proud of me graduating, or my dad would have loved to walk me down the aisle, like these big things of these one-time events usually that happen for people that come to be a part of a springtime.

Erin Nelson 21:30

Yeah, just those milestones, right? You mean the graduations, you know, if your child died and they were due to graduate, what does it feel like to join their class and watch that graduation and they're no longer here? Or maybe your child is graduating. It could be from kindergarten or eighth grade or high school or college, and that spouse that or partner that you always Imagine being by your side is it there to remember the history of how they got to that day, right? And to share in that celebration and to watch them, you know, with their cap and gown and to just celebrate that remarkable milestone and all that they accomplished. And you don't get to share it in the same way because you experience something with either that person or with that child and you shared something that you've lost all that history with someone.

Colleen Montague 22:35

What adds to this too is if your child is hesitant to want to, you know, walk the stage because their mom won't be in the audience or their dad won't be in the audience, you know, and to I think it's so hard to know how to navigate that. You know, how much do you push and encourage, you know, versus honoring just that it's a really hard time for the kids.

Erin Nelson 22:56

And I'm thinking about, you know, graduation, you know, with Father's Day is right around there. And, you know, whether it's Father's Day or Mother's Day, so much of the time that other parent is helping. So the mom is helping to rally the kids around Father's Day, or the dad is helping to rally the kids around Mother's Day. And when that person's missing, then there's this under celebration where the kids may not even be thinking about Father's Day or Mother's Day, but you're kind of living in that day, and those parts that may have been celebrated kind of are not even acknowledged, and that can be really hard.

Brad Quillen 23:38

In that season, Memorial Day, but I'm even gonna pull in Labor Day, and people are like, wait, what? Those are four months apart. No, I understand, but they're kind of the capstones of summer. Memorial Day starts summer, Labor Day kind of brings a close to it. And kids are getting back to school, or kids are getting out of school because it's Memorial Day weekend, you know, and for around our school districts here where we're at in Central Valley of California, that's that's very true. Kids get out Memorial Day and they go back a little bit before Labor Day, so kind of brings that that closing of summer. And that's hard for some families because it's kind of the kickoff. And now it's well, what is summer gonna be? It's gonna be so different. Our family's different. Will we still do the same things?

Erin Nelson 24:16

Right. All those summer memories, um, the family vacations. I was just talking to a mom not too long ago, and they always um planned a trip. And so right now, as they're we're recording this episode, we're kind of entering into March, and this was, you know, this is the time when people are thinking about their summer vacations and they're starting to plan kind of like what should we do this summer? And, you know, when you have had all of these traditions, maybe you've explored national parks or you have gone to, you know, uh, you know, a place that even is local to your area that you really enjoy visiting during the summer, you know, when you don't maybe you're not, you don't even know if you want to do that anymore. Like, do you even try if you are a solo parent? Can you know you as a dad take the kids by yourself? Could you as a mom, you know, do that? Or, you know, do you rally grandparents or friends around that? But just the difference it is to, you know, want to have a little bit of summer fun.

Brad Quillen 25:21

Can we just say it's okay to do something different?

Erin Nelson 25:23

Oh, yeah.

Brad Quillen 25:24

For those families.

Letting Go Of Keeping It Same

Erin Nelson 25:25

Absolutely. Yeah, and deciding, you know, and I think what we've heard over the years is some people say they really want to keep their traditions, and other people say they really want to do something different. But kind of like what we have talked about in previous episodes around holidays, it's the most important thing is get together and talk about it and find out what everybody really wants, what's important to each person, and then try to make a plan around what is best.

Brad Quillen 25:52

Okay, so here's a pop quiz that weren't in our show notes as we got started earlier. But what about the parent uh that's the single parent that feels the pressure to keep it the same? It has to be the same. We hear that in all kinds of different avenues.

Erin Nelson 26:05

Yeah.

Brad Quillen 26:06

But what do you say, what do you say to them?

Erin Nelson 26:08

Yeah, it's not the same, right?

Brad Quillen 26:10

Correct.

Erin Nelson 26:11

And so just being able to be with what is, and that's really, really hard. And feel what that means, the gravity of that. And you know, we can never pull the pieces together to make it the same. And so I think during this time of acknowledging the sadness and all the feelings around what that is like for you, and then also um, yeah, just to let go of the pressure because, like as Colleen um has said so famously so many times during this podcast, it's like, hey, you got up, you um gave your kids breakfast some little thing this morning or whatever it is.

Brad Quillen 26:55

It's like getting out the door.

Erin Nelson 26:56

You're doing it, you know, and you can't make the magic happen right now because when you know you're grieving that naturally, like we started with this episode, you're tired, more tired than usual, honoring where you are. It won't always be like this. And that's what we always want to assure our listeners about is that the storm never lasts forever. And that, you know, as you're facing this season of deep grief, honoring where you are, honoring your body, honoring your limitations, to not have to try to pull things together to make it the same.

Colleen Montague 27:35

We've talked about before, you know, get your kids involved in in those decision-making conversations as much as possible or as feasible, you know, ask what's important to them, you know, and maybe maybe they're not wanting to keep the same traditions right now either. Or maybe they are, and you can have, like you said, Erin, just that honest conversation that it is gonna look different right now, you know. But are there elements that you could preserve in the meantime? Are there little aspects? You know, you can't do a big camping trip to the coast, but can you do a day trip instead this summer and go to the same ice cream shop that you used to go to, or just how can you flex around it right now? Keep it manageable for you in this moment.

Brad Quillen 28:17

Yeah, and for some, there's a reality of finances too that come into play. Absolutely, and so that limits, right? And so then we stress about well, I can't, and so I'm disappointing the kiddos because we can't do what we used to do, right? And so there's just so much that goes into that.

Erin Nelson 28:32

Yeah.

Brad Quillen 28:33

Hey, we're kind of turning the corner and talked about that, those capstones of of Memorial Day and then Labor Day kind of ends summer, but there's not a huge piece of the the fall that there's a bunch of holidays that hit the calendar, much like spring does. There's definitely more. But we just need to acknowledge that that fall starts usually in October-ish when we start feeling kind of the Halloween piece because dad made the costumes, mom made the costumes. We all went. Now it's just me going, the kids don't want to go. There's so much outside that reminds us of the death. And we've talked about that at different episodes. But that brings us into Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah Kwanzaa, all those things at the end of the year that is just so tough.

Erin Nelson 29:13

Yeah, absolutely. And for our listeners, we have a couple of episodes just on the holidays and and those uh fall holidays that you experience. And so that's you know, as you face those and as you face the year, just knowing that there may be little ways you can prepare, little ways to talk through it with your kids and to be present to what you need right now and honor your limitations and be with um just what you can do in this moment.

Colleen Montague 29:45

And as some of my parents have said in group before, they're just gonna get through it. Yeah, yeah, just gonna buckle down, get through it, and that's all they can do this year. That's okay. Absolutely.

Brad Quillen 29:55

Yeah, and most years it looks different until they kind of get back into a rhythm.

Erin Nelson 29:59

Yeah.

Rate Review And Find Support

Brad Quillen 30:00

Erin and Colleen, again, thanks for sitting with me for a few minutes to talk through the Grievers calendar. Erin, I know there's something you wanted to share with our listeners today as we wrap up this podcast. Why don't you go ahead and take a moment?

Erin Nelson 30:12

Just as our listeners have given us really great feedback, I just want to say if you could just take a moment to rate our podcast and also write a review, it helps get it into the hands of those who need it most. And so every time you review a podcast, it goes up a little bit into ratings. And so if somebody just types in grief in a podcast search, they can find this podcast. And as we know that it's been so helpful for parents who are grieving, we want to get it into more hands. So please rate and review.

Brad Quillen 30:50

Thanks, Erin. And let me remind you: be sure to visit jesscashouse.org for more grief resources. And if you have any other topics or questions you'd like us to cover on this podcast, we welcome your email at info@jessica'shouse.org. Be sure to join us for the next episode of When Grief Comes Home. Until then, we wish you well.

Gary Shriver 31:11

Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center located in California's Central Valley since 2012. We provide free peer support for children, teens, young adults, and their families grieving a loss. The When Grief Comes Home podcast goes along with the book of the same name. The book When Grief Comes Home is a gentle guide for parents who are grieving a partner or child while helping their children through the loss of their parent or sibling. When Grief Comes Home is now available at all major book retailers. And if you need grief-related support, please visit jessicashouse.org to download our free resources and be sure to follow Jessica's House on social media. If you have any questions or topics that you'd like us to explore in a future episode, just send us an email to info@jessicashouse.org. Thank you for joining us, and we'll see you next time for When Grief Comes Home.