Lynne Little Ministries - Higher Realm

How To Move Forward When The Holidays Hurt

• Lynne Little

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When the world strings lights and cues the music, grief can feel even louder. We open a tender, unhurried space to talk about loss during the holidays and how faith, honest lament, and simple daily steps can begin to steady the heart. Drawing from raw personal stories—a daughter gone too soon, a father’s hard hospital goodbye, a mother’s final year—we name what hurts and why the ache lingers, while pointing to a God whose character is compassion, not condemnation. We explore a crucial reframing: God as healer rather than the author of our pain. Through scripture, we separate the destroyer’s work from the life Christ offers, which changes how we pray, hope, and receive comfort. From there, we get practical. Instead of living in the rearview mirror of regret and blame, we practice forward focus—small, measurable actions that rebuild capacity: a walk outside, ten pages read, a room tidied, a single conversation started. Nature and beauty become therapy for the soul; art, quiet, and open skies give grief room to breathe. Purpose and gratitude round out the path. Serving others channels sorrow into meaning, tuning our hearts to notice and respond to pain with compassion. Gratitude, practiced daily, lifts our eyes to gifts that remain without denying the loss. And yes, we make space for laughter—the kind that sneaks in and reminds us joy still visits. As the holidays approach, we share gentle ways to reengage with traditions when you’re ready and offer a simple prayer for those seeking a fresh start with God. If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone who needs it today, and leave a review to help others find hope.

Lynne:

You are listening to Higher Realm with Lynne Little. Our program highlights biblical strategies for living through life's difficulties and finding your path to healing. We tackle issues particular to those who have experienced painful loss in any form. Lynne is the founder and president of Lynn Little Ministries and the author of Missing Lisa, A Parent Grieves, and Finding God in Death and Life, A Passage Through Grief. Now, here's Lynne. Hello and welcome. As the holidays draw near, many people look forward to this season as a period filled with happiness and festivities. But the holiday season can be particularly challenging for those who are grieving. As a survivor of a major bereavement, my heart goes out to those who are in a similar position of having to weather the holidays without a loved one or loved ones. Words nearly fail me when I try and describe the horror of the day I learned that my daughter had been killed in an automobile accident. She is my only child because I experienced insurmountable difficulties that precluded having more children. At the time, I had to identify her body and witness the stillness of her beautiful face. It was nearly inconceivable to me at the time to imagine the many years that loomed ahead, including holidays and anniversary days, that I would have to endure without her. My father passed a number of years ago from a particularly hideous form of cancer. Those last few days in the hospital are indelibly stamped in my memory. His pain was unendurable and unfortunately not very well managed. Praying at his bedside, agonizing along with him, I held his hand, now so terribly misshapen from years of rheumatoid arthritis. And through his hand I felt his pain. My mother and I, her sister and brother-in-law, kept a vigil, only stopping to get a bite of food and refresh. My mother had just left for a shower and change of clothing. I leaned close to my father's ear, whispered, "Daddy, I'll take care of Mom," and he was soon gone. Waiting, presumably, for that moment to die, so that my mother would be spared the nightmare of watching him leave this earth. Several years ago, my mother passed away in our home at the age of 97. Throughout most of her life, she was blessed with robust health, but that changed in her last year. During the final months, I would often find her resting in bed, her frail arms lifted toward the heavens, imploring God to take her home and bring her peace. People who have had similar experiences know that these moments stay with us permanently. I could write volumes about the way these marvelous human beings so enriched and blessed my life and the lives of those around them. Their giving spirits so remarkable, they left indelible hollows to this day unfilled by anyone else. It doesn't matter how many years have passed since our loved ones took their leave. The fact remains that the longing and the missing never goes away. Yes, it eases and becomes more bearable with time, but a palpable ache forever resides within. And so, beloved of God, what do we do? What should those who are left behind do? How shall we live? As the holidays loom and emotions increase, we must find ways to reinvent our lives and reinvest our time. After all, we are still here and remain to fulfill a purpose. The truth is, life is never in stasis, and forward is the only realistic choice that remains. Finding ways to cope and put one foot in front of the other is the prime directive. So I prayerfully provide the following suggestions to offer some hope and solace for the pain. First, we must recognize that God is not our problem, He is our solution. God did not take our loved ones. To believe this is to disregard the numerous references to the love and compassion of our Heavenly Father found throughout Scripture. When Christ came on the earth, he made a very clear distinction between the works of God and the works of the destroyer. John 10: 10 reads, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full." Hebrews :1 3 tells us that "the Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His being." Who He is reflects the will of God perfectly, because the Lord Jesus lived a life of compassion, healing, caring, ministering to the sick, loving the unlovable, and setting people free. If we believe that God authored our pain, how can we accept Him as the panacea for our pain? If we think God allowed the tragedy, what's the difference between permitting an act or doing an act? It shows a misunderstanding of what the Word of God teaches. Life has these pitfalls that come about through the disobedience of mankind, natural laws, and our freedom of choice. Often it leads to tragic consequences that are not within God's power to prevent. Yes, you heard correctly. Not within God's power to prevent. He has bound himself to certain limitations in order to continue to offer mankind freedom of choice. This choice often results in consequences that are unforeseen. He has already made provision for our comfort in sorrow through the person and fellowship of his Holy Spirit, referred to in the book of John as the Comforter. We can call upon Him to fulfill the role He was sent to do. So let's resist the temptation to blame God or hold Him at arm's length, for indeed He is the one, the only one, who can deliver the inner healing we so desperately need. We may rage and grieve at the injustice, at the unfairness of our loss. But we err when we indulge this to the exclusion of having an honest conversation with our Heavenly Father about our feelings. As in the cherished story of the Prodigal Son, the Father watches for our return and, meeting us more than halfway, runs down the road to embrace us. A second important point is to refuse the temptation to keep looking back. If our desire is to move forward through our grief into peace, looking back is counterproductive to doing so. As a matter of fact, Christians are forbidden to look back. Let me specify, certainly, we have good memories. We're entitled to those good memories. We've lived them. But looking back with blame, regret, self-condemnation, guilt, anger, or unforgiveness will always, invariably, take us to the level of them. The Word of God warns us against putting our hand to the plow while looking back. In Luke 9: 62, Jesus says, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Not rejected for service, but rendered unfit. Why? Because constantly looking back will tear us apart. It will obliterate our future. A crooked furrow would be the inevitable result. Hebrews twelve, thirteen tells us to "mark out a straight path for our feet, so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong." Grief is like a limp. We can either limp along or become stronger. The point is to stay on course. Third, we should work to sneak up on ourselves, in a manner of speaking, in our thought lives. We instinctively know to stop doing and saying things that create self-harm. Our best friend is us. We can and must cheerlead our own lives, no matter what it takes, and no matter what that looks like. When depressing situations or feelings present themselves, we should answer them. Rather than allowing such feelings to take hold and take us down, we counter them in every way possible. Sometimes with scripture, sometimes with music, taking a walk, calling a friend, deliberately moving out of ourselves and our isolation, is choosing each day to live a little larger. How we view the day matters. As I recorded in my book, Finding God in Death and Life, A Passage Through Grief, "Time ultimately became a measure of increments of survivability. As each day dawned, I was faced with a choice to either embrace the day or just endure it. Early in the process, it seemed I had no option but to choose the latter. But as the years went by, the pain began to ease, aided by distance from the event, an enhanced ability to cope, and an awareness of the bright possibilities inherent in each day." It might be helpful to employ a system of self-talk, hackneyed as that may seem. "I will do this hour, or I can attend this event. The next outing, I will engage one person in conversation, or invite a friend for dinner, clean one room at a time, read ten pages, work this crossword puzzle, resume my favorite hobby, take up a new one, purchase a grief journal and use it." Set reasonable goals. The point is to keep moving. What we continually tell ourselves, the actions that we decide to take build patterns, form habits. And it takes the same amount of time to build good habits as to reinforce bad ones. Get out in nature, rain or shine, summer or winter. We pull ourselves out of bed, dress, groom, and battle the hopelessness of doing so. Get out of the chair, work those legs, breathe that oxygen. Whatever it takes to get outside, we must do. As added bonuses, oxygen is good for us, sunlight is good, beautiful sights to behold are good. There's something about taking in God's creation that brings deep healing. Sit beside a stream, walk to a waterfall, breathe in the fragrance of pine needles, crisp fall leaves, or freshly mown grass. It's so very therapeutic. We can allow ourselves the luxury of traveling to favored places. The mountains, the shore, international travel to view beautiful paintings, architecture, and statuary that depict eternal things, seeking all that's beautiful and lovely as counterpoints to events that have been so very ugly. Sit in silence before those lovely things. As our eyes soak in the beauty, it quiets the turmoil of our souls. Find someone to bless. The greatest pull out of grief for me was reinvesting my life to work as a teacher. It was a drastic and difficult move that nevertheless became the bridge out of sorrow. There are other ways, a multitude of ways to bless others. Someone else desperately needs what we have to offer. Our talent, expertise, a willing listener, a pair of arms. Start small with efforts that are doable and give as a survival tactic, not necessarily expecting anything in return. People aren't always thankful. Many are in pain as well. They often say things to the bereaved that are so off-putting they seem almost unhinged. Forgive them. Loss has changed us utterly. We begin to view others differently. We develop a radar that automatically detects pain in other human beings. It becomes our privilege and, in a way, a responsibility to learn to meet the needs of others. Giving will enrich our lives and above all provide measurable purpose that makes the act of living worth it. Cultivate an attitude of thanks. When a life has been marked by tragedy, it takes an act of the will to focus on things to be thankful for. Thanksgiving is a lifestyle. One neighbor in our hometown reacted to every type of news, no matter how dire, with the same phrase:" Well, thanks God it could have been worse." Cheerful to the max. The list of things to be grateful for are endless. Our families, a community of caring people, fresh air to breathe, a beautiful sunset to behold, food on the table, to name a few. The opportunities to thank God are limited only by our powers of observation and our willingness to appreciate what we have been given. It underscores the half-empty, half-full analogy when we realize that we are each day defining our futures. Every word builds the path we are taking. And finally, laugh. We would do well to force ourselves to laugh at the devil, at the situation, laugh at funny movies or funny stories, seek every occasion possible that brings joy. My particular go-to is anything slapstick. Videos of people slipping on ice or a roof full of snow dumping on someone is hysterical. Don't judge mine, find yours. Comedy shows, the antics of your grandchildren, your personal slip ups. Dog or cat videos. We can look for things that amuse us and then give ourselves a daily infusion. As for holidays, in the early stages of grief, I avoided them like the plague, preferring my own company. This I cannot recommend unless you have a rich inner and spiritual life. I had a relationship with the Lord, my Bible studies, my music, and writing. Often working twelve-hour days, I was too tired to participate anyway in festivities. I did spend time with my niece and nephews. During that season of loss, their companionship was the most valuable. The freshness of their youth, their lovely faces, their gleeful laughter, and tender concern so reminded me of my daughter. As the years wore on, I became more amenable to holiday celebrations. God had a hand in this, of course. One winter, the week before Christmas, I prayed that God would help me to once again enjoy and embrace the holidays. So I asked him for a sign, something I rarely do. The next day I went to the refuse cubicle in the apartment complex to drop off trash. It was an area where residents who came and went constantly left belongings they no longer needed, many of them in perfect condition. I turned the corner to discover that someone had just dropped off an immaculate, apartment-sized, fully decorated, artificial Christmas tree. It was just what I needed at the time. This season, invite God into your pain. Let him give you the rest and ease that only he can provide. And if you do not know him, make his acquaintance. Getting to know him is as simple as a prayer. And the prayer of salvation is the most important prayer anyone can pray. It marks the beginning of our personal relationship with Jesus Christ and secures our eternal destiny. Would you pray with me right now? Repeating after me, Heavenly Father, I come to you today as a sinner in need of salvation. I believe you sent your son to die on the cross and pay the penalty for my sins. I believe that Jesus rose again and is alive forever. Jesus, I open my heart and receive you as my Lord and Savior. Come into my life, forgive my sins, and make me the person that you want me to be.

Speaker 1:

Amen. May I pray for you today?

Lynne:

Dear Heavenly Father, you know those who are hurting today, ones who are grieving deeply. Some have lost children, spouses, or family members. Some are facing the loss of their health or financial setbacks. Oh Father, especially this season. Please keep them close to your heart today. Guide them with your grace through the holiday season and beyond. Show them their path back to life and to joy. Let this saying become their reality, that earth has no sorrow, that heaven cannot heal. Amen. Thank you so much for listening. Lynne Little Ministries is a 501c3 whose mission is to assist those who have suffered loss and to help them discover hope, peace, and restoration. For books, resources, or to make a tax deductible donation, go to lynnelittle.org.