71 – You Don’t Have to Be the Hero: Jenna on Supporting Someone Through Grief (Part 2)

Grief is hard enough in private, but walking through it publicly adds a different kind of weight. In this second half of my conversation with my dear friend and former co-host, Jenna, we talk about what it has been like for her to witness my grief and healing unfold through this podcast, and what has helped her walk through it with me in a healthy, honest way.

Jenna shares practical and caring advice for anyone supporting someone through grief: being honest with yourself and the grieving person about your capacity, setting and communicating boundaries, resisting the urge to be a hero, and asking hard questions like, “Can I really take this on?” She talks about how, sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is acknowledge that you cannot be the one to show up so you don’t unintentionally add to someone’s trauma or create yet another loss.

From the perspective of the person grieving, we explore how to communicate honestly with the people trying to support you—whether you want to actively work toward healing or need to sit in your grief for a while, and why it’s important not to expect any one person to be everything for you. We emphasize the value of seeking professional help, especially when complicated histories can make leaning on certain people harder. 

We also talk about what it means to be an effective listener when grief feels overwhelming or repetitive, and how life is a continuous opportunity to grow rather than a place you ever fully arrive. Jenna closes with reflections on prioritizing healthy ways of living and nurturing your relationships now, because you never know what life will bring, and it is easier to walk through grief when you begin from a healthier place.