76: Marriage & Midlife: Behind The Scenes With My Husband

Struggling to get your partner on board with your healthy eating? Is your spouse "mostly" supportive of how you feel in perimenopause, but you wish he knew more?

Juggling perimenopause and midlife health challenges is hard enough on your own, but when you’re in a marriage or long-term partnership, your health journey isn't just yours—it's a shared experience that impacts your relationship, your social life, and your family dinner table.

In this very special episode I’m joined by my husband, Asim. He has been by my side since the very beginning of my health journey, back when I was first diagnosed with Hashimoto’s and severe nutrient deficiencies at 38. From the "What on earth is a nightshade?" phase to navigating my breast cancer treatment and now full-blown menopause, Asim has seen it all.

We chat about the friction points, like how my decision to stop drinking alcohol changed our "party friend" dynamic, and how we managed the transition to an anti-inflammatory household without him feeling like he was living on water and air.

My hope is that this episode serves as a conversation starter for you and your partner. Whether you need more "buy-in" on healthy meals or you're struggling to explain why your energy levels have tanked, this behind-the-scenes look will show you that while the journey is long, it pays massive dividends in the end.

What You’ll Learn:

📌 Getting Partner Buy-In: How to bridge the gap when one partner is "all in" on health and the other is skeptical or overwhelmed.

📌 Navigating Social Shifts: The reality of how relationships change when you ditch the happy hours and prioritize energy levels over social expectations.

📌 The Ripple Effect: How a health crisis can actually become the catalyst for a stronger, more vibrant marriage and a healthier future for your children.

This episode is a must-listen, and if it resonates, I encourage you to share it with your spouse/partner. It will give them a better understanding of what you're going through, and how they can be supportive every step of the way!


More Support And Ways To Connect

🙋‍♀️ Work with Me
⭐️ Connect on Social
🥑 How I Cook Just 3 Nights/Week
🧠 Mindset Framework to Stop Relying On Willpower or Motivation

Transcript

Hello there, my friend, and welcome back to the Family Fork Podcast. I am so excited to share this episode with you today because for the first time ever in 75 episodes, I have a guest for you. On today's episode, you are going to hear from my husband, Asim who has been with me on my health journey since the very, very beginning.

He's been with me through all of my Hashimoto's and thyroid issues, through all of the gut health problems, perimenopause, breast cancer, and now he's helping me navigate full blown menopause because of my cancer treatment.

We have navigated all of our ups and downs together. We've learned to eat differently. We've had to balance our social lives differently, especially once I quit drinking alcohol. So you'll hear about that. And we've had to learn how to manage our expectations around social events, especially for those times when I didn't have a lot of energy and I just wasn't feeling great. So it goes without saying that my personal health journey has had a major impact.

on our relationship and our marriage for the last 14 years.

So today I wanna give you a really good behind the scenes look at what it's actually been like in a relationship and in a marriage to have all of these health challenges. And my hope is that if this episode really resonates with you, I want you to take some time to share it with your spouse or your partner so that you can start a conversation.

having that conversation will really help you to get the support that you need and get the buy-in from your partner so that you are both on the same page when it comes to what you need in order to feel your best through perimenopause, gut health issues, menopause, and all the way into old age. So with that, I want you to join me in welcoming my husband, Asim, to the Family Fork podcast.

So honey, welcome to the podcast.

Asim (02:18)

Well, thank you. I'm more than honored. As we mentioned in our morning walk, when I froze my face off, it was super cold outside today. So we're walking in and she's like, well, you're my first guest. I'm like, my first podcast. So happy to be here.

Ashley (02:33)

I'm so glad to have you here. So I want to just jump right in and I want to go right back to 2014 years and years ago when I was first diagnosed with Hashimoto's and hypothyroidism, severe nutrient deficiencies. And it was in that moment in time that I made these massive changes to what I ate.

I went all in on the autoimmune paleo diet. And when I first started doing that, I'm curious, like what were your thoughts? Did you think like, this is just like a phase of healthy eating or did you have any thoughts about how it might impact our relationship?

Asim (03:16)

Yeah, I think the very first thing that I felt was, what? What are you talking about? What is an autoimmune disease? I've kind of heard about this and nothing. I've just heard about it from other people. Hashimoto's, sounded like an odd little name for an illness. And so all of these new terms that just kept coming my way and my first thought was, okay, well, go to a doctor and get fixed.

And as the thing progressed and as I started learning about it, it wasn't just go get a pill and fix it. This is a condition that is going to stay and it's not really going to go away. So, and I, it took me some time to understand all of that. ⁓ there's new names coming my way. There's this FODMAP and SIBO and

And there's just so many things like you can't eat tomatoes because it's got ⁓ seeds in it. What do you call that? ⁓ Nightshade, nightshade. I had no idea what a nightshade is. I do know what a nightingale I've heard, but I don't know what a nightshade is. so just trying to figure out all these different dimensions of food and limitations. And yes, I thought...

Ashley (04:21)

Nightshades, yeah. Nightshades, yeah.

Asim (04:40)

it'll just get fixed ⁓ in a month or two or three, but that clearly didn't happen. it was, I was overwhelmed to say the least, but then I could only imagine that if I was feeling overwhelmed, what must you be feeling?

Ashley (04:53)

Yeah, yeah, I think it did. It felt overwhelming to try and navigate the different things that all of a sudden I could eat or couldn't eat. And it was a journey for us to sort of figure out like, what do we eat? How do I manage my energy levels? Because at that time, the Hashimoto's was really making me so tired. And I think I experienced this again in perimenopause and now in menopause. The energy levels

have a big impact. It's not just the food, it's sort of the way we relate and have energy to do certain things. And so, yeah, I definitely think it has been a challenge for sure. So when you think back to all of that, what was really the hardest part of our transition or for you, what was a hard part of that transition and me eating differently? You know, did food start creating?

some friction in our relationship? I know, you know, when we first met, going out to happy hours and like weekend drinking, that was a big part of our relationship. And so how did my not drinking and choosing to cut out alcohol, like how did that start playing into our relationship and our marriage?

Asim (06:13)

Yeah, I mean, we met, you know, slightly over 18 years ago. Life was very different, less responsibilities. Everything felt like, you know, you're just going to go and do you want to do it? Just go do it. Want to eat that? You just go eat it. You want to drink it? You just have a drink. Two, three, four, maybe, you know, and never like. So there was no real boundaries to

what we needed to do when the youth or time was on our side. there was no real worry in life And so we did what we could. And then as you grow older, I suppose that also starts to change. And when you went through, initially discovered,

this illness and it didn't just come as one, right? It just kept when you have one and I learned that too, you know, when you have one autoimmune disease, you know, you have multiple other things going on and then there's the whole idea of gut health and there's other areas and you go to a doctor and they just want to get you a pill and then you try and get away. all of this, these boundaries that started getting drawing around, it was, I found it frankly, difficult to first of all, accept

Ashley (07:11)

Yeah.

Asim (07:36)

than difficult to navigate. The options were limited. What do I do? you still cooked in the house, which I ate very gladly, And you're a good cook. So now whatever you were starting to make also tasted good too, right? And so I was okay with eating.

all those things.

Eating food, drinking, this is not just one or two things. It's basically a lifestyle that you have that you're used to that just flows. And it's been flowing and it's a habit of doing whatever you want to do. That's also a habit, right? So suddenly you put boundaries around that, it becomes difficult. And so me trying to figure out what to eat, the good news was that you were helping with that because you were guiding with it. So I didn't have to go through that journey of figuring out what to do.

you were just doing the hard work. And while you were doing the hard work, you were also focused on, well, how do I make this so that condition that you can call is not crippling our family? So working around, figuring out how to do the meals, meal planning, all of that you were doing. So I was on the receiving end just watching and seeing, okay, can I do this?

And I just realized at that point is like, sure, I could do this. I don't have to have pizza every night. I just want to go and have McDonald's once a month is more than I can handle. If I never have McDonald's in my life, I could I will totally be happy. So it wasn't that big of a transition for me because I prefer

Ashley (09:08)

You

Yeah.

Asim (09:16)

eating somewhat healthy. The transition for me was, in my lifestyle was, was not having that choice every single day. But that actually worked out fine because I didn't really need to constantly choose different foods every day. It was served to me, you did the job. ⁓ The harder part was definitely in our social, my social life. So all the friends that we have created over the time,

there's alcohol involved. It doesn't mean that you're flat on your face every night. It's just that you have a drink or two. Anytime you go, any social event or every social event involved, alcohol. It's beer, wine, or whatever. A mimosa in the afternoon. You're not social every single day, but whenever you have a social event, that's where it comes on. ⁓

Ashley (09:45)

Right. Yep.

Asim (10:06)

You know, my relationship with you, when it started over 18 years ago, you know, we met in a social setting. was, you know, drinks. So we, you were my party friend, right? My best friend who was, who would be my party friend. So without you, the party felt, you know, not as much fun. So now suddenly you are, you you taper down, slowly, you didn't stop overnight, right? You started slowly saying, I'm not going to have this. I'm not going to have alcohol. So I'm not going to have this type of vodka. So I'm going to get a vodka that's very specific and that's potato based.

Ashley (10:35)

Potato vodka, Tito's vodka. Yes.

Asim (10:35)

So what was that vodka that, Tito's, right? They're gonna do Tito's. So we will get these big handles of Tito ⁓

from Costco because that's how they sell it. and then that started not working out. Then you said, okay, I'm gonna switch to tequila. So I think you tried a bunch of things. They worked for a while, but over time you realized that it's not worth it. And it's not worth it.

Ashley (10:52)

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I think that's so

like, we did, we had this party lifestyle. But when I couldn't drink and yeah, I slowly learned that over time. But it made it really difficult because then we had to really decide like, do we want to do this social event? Is a happy hour worth our time? And for me personally, I know I've talked about this on previous episodes that I really had to tune into

Who am I when I'm not drinking? And so I think, you know, if you're listening out there today, whether you struggle with the food piece or the drinking piece or both, I think it can all be really impactful in a relationship. Who am I in my relationship and my marriage when I am not drinking? And that sort of, that was a big piece to our relationship when we first met. So it's definitely...

Yeah, it's definitely been impactful. And I'm curious to know, you have watched me try literally every diet under the sun. I have tried low FODMAP, autoimmune paleo, I eat gluten free, just straight up paleo, know, SIBO friendly, like all of these different diets. You have watched me order in so many different supplements trying to support my energy, my gut health.

my weight management, all of those things. You've also seen how hard it is for me. And so being on the other side of things, what has that been like for you in the days, the nights, the weekends that I'm crying to you and saying, I can't figure it out. I don't know how to make myself feel better. Like what has that experience been like for you?

Asim (12:47)

Yeah, mean, the journey is long, right? So you've, you went through trying to talk to doctors, doctors don't really have answers for most of these things because, you know, they're in the job of giving pills and this is not something that you can just resolve with just giving pills. It's a fundamental change in your lifestyle, which is, you know, starts with your gut is what you're going to put into your body, which, you know, certain types of food, certain types of, ⁓ things that you are going to put in certain things you're not going to put in. So, you know, it's, what you're going to add and what you're going to subtract.

So that's a very different journey than asking a doctor what to do. So I think from understanding the medical world is not as up and up on solutions for this, And in that, I found obviously,

lots and lots of challenges. So first of all, because I couldn't understand any of it. That's the, think if anybody was gonna take something away, like, you cannot understand, if you're not going through this, the amount of effort this takes to go and make this substantial change in your life, it is difficult to understand. You know, is why do I have to have broccoli? Why should I not have this fried food? Why can I not have canola oil in that matter? You know, so all of these things like, ⁓ and things that you are also,

eating or drinking. The interesting part is we don't even think about the ingredients inside of this slip so many things in it. So when I see you now reading the ingredients, when you're buying something that's packaged, you know, because you have to at some points, you know, the number of things that you point out that I can't even spell, you know, if I can't spell something in or figure out what that thing is, I probably shouldn't be eating it. Right. So that whole journey, I would say was not without frustration.

I anybody, but I can imagine that it wasn't just my frustration. You're 10 times more frustrated with it than I am, but you're also 10 times more motivated than I am at it. So which creates a separation of saying, do I really have to do this as well? ⁓ you know, trying to do things separately all day long, eating differently, eating a separate meal, I think that is more painful than focusing and saying, you know what, at the end of the day,

Ashley (14:38)

Ha ha ha.

Asim (14:59)

I will also get healthy from this stuff if I don't eat something that's packaged with something that I cannot spell and that's taken out of my diet. Well, you know what? So be it.

Ashley (15:10)

Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's, you know, a lot of my listeners, I think struggle with getting that buy-in from their partner because it also means their partner is having to cut out gluten, cut out dairy, cut out things that don't, you know, you can eat bread, you can eat naan, you can eat all sorts of things that I can't eat. And I've, I, it's been so many years that I, most of the time I don't really care, but I think

a lot of women listening, they struggle to get their partners buy in when their partner can eat all the gluten, all the dairy, all the things. And so, you know, that's why I really came up with my method of component cooking because I want you to be able if we have hamburgers one night, I want you to be able to have a hamburger with a bun, a whole wheat bun. you know, that works for you. And I just have to have an alternative. And that really, I think came out of this necessity to be able to cook for what I needed.

but also to give you what you want. But then you can also offer me support knowing that I can't eat that gluten bun. I can't eat the cheese, but we can still sit down and have a meal together. And it doesn't have to feel so isolating. know, I also have been an amazing supporter for me in seriously all the nights and days that I have.

cried and struggled because it hasn't been an easy journey. I think just as human beings, we, like Asim has said, you you want to go to the doctor and you want a pill that's going to help make you feel better. Or if you're in perimenopause, you want hormone replacement therapy and you just want to wake up and feel better the next day. And the reality is that I have been on this journey for 12 years and even still today I'm finding things that I have to adjust and

you know, watch for a future episode, I'll be talking about my histamine issues, which is something that a lot of women in perimenopause encounter. So getting the support and the buy-in from your partner is so, so important because once you start to address your health challenges, it's a lifelong journey. doesn't, you don't just all of sudden feel better one day and then you never have to worry about it again. So it's again,

why I think these conversations are so important to have with your partner. ⁓ Speaking of the food, what are some things that you can think of where just by nature of me cooking and deciding to take over all of the nutrition in our household, are there some things that I have swapped out or that you've noticed that you like better? You've always been a healthy eater, but am I giving you any swaps that you like specifically?

Asim (17:58)

little things like, for example, we're having a burger and I like to put tomatoes at the bottom of my burger. Sometimes I also want to cut up a little, a serrano pepper and put it there. You know, that's just, you know, I want to have a hot burger. So, you know, that's, that is not, don't, you don't eat tomatoes. You don't eat peppers. I get it.

I don't think

that I have felt besides the initial frustration of not knowing what the problem is, not understanding it, you not understanding it either in the beginning, right? You've taken a lot, you spent a lot of time, a lot of time in years in understanding what this is, what some of the solutions are, because an average person trying to do what you were doing, I would think is gonna go bonkers. The first thing they'll do is give me a pill.

Ashley (18:40)

Yeah.

Asim (18:53)

Give me an injection, give me a pill, know, hell, tell me not to eat anything or tell me what to eat, anything off, but just tell me to sort this out because I want this to stop. It is not gonna stop and that's what I realized that. So you've done all that work. So over time, slowly, I've also adapted and figured out what ⁓ I can or cannot eat in the house. And there's not much that I think that it's in our fridge that I can't eat. I love to eat fruit, so I'll eat all sorts of fruit. You don't like pineapple? I'll eat.

know, pineapple and I'll eat it in my yogurt. You can eat it, eat something else in your yogurt, a different fruit like blueberries, I'll eat my pineapple. So that doesn't really disrupt it. Burgers, sure. I'm gonna have, the patty, and you'll have without cheese and then you'll put other things around it. Then it makes it a lovely looking plate, sans the bun. And I will do that. So I think...

Ashley (19:23)

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

Asim (19:43)

is the switches or substitutions have been very natural because what you've done is you give the core meal that I can then add on to and you'll also have that stuff for me ready, like you'll have my bun ready and all that, is, I 100 % appreciate that. Not a lot of people get that level of service, but yeah, I'm totally spoiled.

Ashley (20:02)

Hahaha

Yeah, you're spoiled in the kitchen. ⁓

Asim (20:12)

Totally spoiled. So then I'll

Ashley (20:13)

Yes, you are.

Asim (20:15)

eat that and then you'll eat something that makes up and complements that centerpiece of the meal. And you're right, our meals are always together. We don't sit separately and have a different type of food. So I think my transition has been interesting because I've adapted to the fact that you have been very focused on making sure that when you produce a meal,

I myself and our seven year old daughter, she would also like it. So I don't think there's that far apart the difference in terms of what to prepare and what to eat. You just, can just mess it up differently.

Ashley (20:50)

Yeah. Well, and I think it's really fun when I come to

you with a meal and I don't really say anything about it, you know, whether it's like orange chicken or something like that. And I'll bring a meal to the table and you'll eat it you'll be like, my gosh, this is so good. And I know I look at you with this big smile on my face. I'm like, guess what? It's Ashley friendly, like all the ingredients. And so I have worked so hard over the years to create recipes and cultivate recipes. Again, these are

the recipes that I offer in the supper club and in the method in anywhere, my 21 day anti-inflammatory meal plan. Like these recipes, my family is eating them and loving them and not even realizing, ⁓ they're totally anti-inflammatory and they're really healthy. Yet everyone in my family likes orange chicken. Everyone in my family likes my taco bowls or my cheeseburger soup. Like there are so many things that we can eat.

And so I think it's again where that communication comes in as a couple. If we can get on the same page, it makes it a lot easier than to filter down to our kids to say, yeah, we're eating a cheeseburger. It just happens to be in soup form. Give it a try. See how you like it. And it's very surprising when you can offer that to your family or like Asim was saying, you you have some variety, you have some variations. So you have the components, the hamburger is there, but everyone can put whatever they want in the hamburger.

it makes it really easy to be able to offer a meal and still support your own personal health goals.

Asim (22:26)

Yeah, and

I'll also add to it, part of your first question, ⁓ is that when I was incredibly overwhelmed, unsure, lost, or whatever you want to define that as, is okay, if I can't eat nightshade, well, what does that include, right? It includes tomatoes and peppers and there's a lot of other things that go in. So you're not gonna, you're... ⁓

kind of put, ⁓ you don't eat bananas or what, no bananas, what kind of crazy stuff is that? know, eggs, eggs would have been a problem too. Like, holy cow, no eggs. So you start looking at all this stuff and you say, eventually, you I was thinking like, my God, what on earth are we going to eat? So that was my first thought is what is left on the planet to eat? I cannot be. So I think that's where I felt a bit of panic is to say, we're not going to be able to eat anything at all because everywhere you look around, has it, sugars, you you cut down, we're not a sugar eating. ⁓

Ashley (23:12)

Yeah, me too.

Asim (23:21)

family anyway, there's the garlic and I love a good solid sticky garlic inside our meals. the more the better. So all of these things, heat in the food. there's nothing, what are we gonna eat? Water? But what I find now, looking back at that first emotion, is that I don't think I miss any of it in that manner.

Ashley (23:29)

Yes.

Asim (23:52)

because I think the way you've put your food together and the way you would bring it to the table for us is it just tastes good, it is healthy, and I'm not sure if I'm really missing anything. And if there is something that I'm missing, that's a side that I can just add to it, which is available in the house. So that's the interesting journey is the work you've done ⁓ for your health with the mindset of how you need to.

know, keep your family table going. It has worked out, but that is not for the week to get started on.

Ashley (24:33)

Yeah. Well, and I was just going to say that this is why it's so important for me to let women know that it doesn't have to be hard. For me, it was really hard in the beginning because I've always been a foodie. love to cook. I love to eat. And so I needed to find a way that when I first started this journey, I was working 60, sometimes 70 hours a week. I was commuting two hours a day.

there was no time for cooking. so as we talk about, Asim and I talk about these meals that we're eating and that I put dinner on the table every night, I still cook very simple, quick, fast meals. I cook maybe three nights a week. And then because of component cooking, which is the method that I teach in supper club and my other programs, it allows you to repackage your already cooked food into different meals so that

you're not spending a lot of time. You're not a short order cook. You're not having to, you know, prepare one meal for your family and a different meal for yourself. In order for this to be a lifestyle, it has to be sustainable. And Asim and I joke like the other day he looked at me and he was like, ⁓ is this broccoli again? Like there, there are some times where I have broccoli prepped and we have broccoli five nights in a row. just do. And so

there it's not it's not a perfect system but by understanding what you can eat what makes you feel good what brings you energy and then being able to make some small shifts for what your family needs or would like then it actually makes it so much easier for you to maintain your healthy lifestyle so that you can feel good and energetic and love spending time with your family or do the fun things that you want to do on the weekends it really

It starts with food, but in all of my work with women over the years, I can tell you the food is the easy part. Working with your spouse or your partner to support you in that journey and to maybe get on that journey with you, that is like the bigger shift that needs to happen. So Asim. If you could just speak directly to our listeners and...

What can you offer them? One or two things that they could say to their partners or advice for the partners that need to be supportive of a woman who needs to eat an anti-inflammatory meal plan in order to feel her best? What are one or two pieces of advice that you could offer?

Asim (27:16)

Well, given ⁓ with the assumption that your partner does care about your health, right? That's number one. Well, let's put some guardrails around this conversation. And ⁓ the fact that it's important to you as well. a ⁓ parent or happy spouse is a happy family. So you can't just do this one side and the other side not, it's you can't, especially when it's health related. So I think my...

Ashley (27:22)

You

Asim (27:45)

My first thought would be is if you have a ⁓ difficult health condition, ⁓ which can be not as difficult by something as simple as ⁓ choosing to eat healthy, then I find that as a no-brainer, right? So no side effects of eating healthy, by the way. Lots of side effects of it.

Ashley (28:08)

But what about

for that woman who she gets it? Like, I know my listeners get it. They're like, I know I need to eat healthy. But when I try and offer a healthy meal, maybe my husband rolls his eyes or he's like, ⁓ gosh, we're eating another healthy meal. What kind of advice could you give the women listening? Like, what do they need to say to their partner? What would you want to hear? You know, when we started this journey 12 years ago,

Asim (28:12)

Yeah, yeah.

Ashley (28:38)

what kinds of things were helpful for you to hear.

Asim (28:40)

Sure.

Yeah, so I'll tell you what, instead of saying what happened 12 years ago, perhaps I'll start with saying after 12 years, where I'm at. And at this point, your life starts to... ⁓

you know, your health starts to unravel a little bit. used to get, you know, colds quickly. I used to get, you know, sinus infections I would attribute that to a, you know, a much higher immunity. I would also say I have, I've been

incredibly fit, you I work out every morning because I actually also choose, because you drag me out of bed every morning, but that still means that I work out for the most part. even one beer impacts the level of workout I do, right? So I choose,

Ashley (29:13)

Cause I drag you out of bed.

Asim (29:24)

to have that workout versus having multiple drinks. So that's an automatic decision I have. anyway, fast forwarding to today, I feel healthier. I feel incredible. What does that mean? I feel incredibly, I have higher energy. am, ⁓ my immunity is definitely higher, which is a big deal. ⁓ am, ⁓ know, life has its own stresses, but overall mentally I'm on, I'm aware. So, you know, that's something that you want.

after at any age, especially when you're getting older, right? So my mobility is great. I would say is that whatever happened 12 years ago and over time only that figured out other people can probably with your with whatever you have can figure it out sooner, but you had no guidance at that particular point. So you and you figured it all together. I grew up into it with you as an effect. I feel that my chances of getting sick, my chances of getting

you know, other diseases, right, potentially even cancer, which is something that you just gotten out of the struggle for, ⁓ you know, a couple of months ago, actually. So I feel that I am better equipped to handle all of that because your illness presented an opportunity to me to be healthy. So I think as a spouse, if somebody would say that is like, you this is an opportunity for us as a family to get healthy. Otherwise we'll just keep doing an autopilot, what we have been doing and

at the age of 70, 80, which is where we'll get, it is bound to catch up to us. It is bound to catch up. So why not use this opportunity for it to actually be what turns us and gives us a longer, ⁓ more ⁓ active life.

Ashley (31:09)

Yeah, yeah. it's, you know, I think women start to encounter this like age decline, I think earlier than men, I don't know, statistically or scientifically that that is true. But that is my observation and working with women over the years that we start to encounter perimenopause in our late 30s, early 40s, and men are still feeling, you know, energetic and strong and all of these things. And so I do think that it's

up to women to advocate for the health of the relationship by way of what we eat, how we work out. Really, Asim and I work out most mornings together and I do, have to drag him out of bed and he gets there. But it's actually a really, it's become a very fun way for us to connect, to get up, to be strong together, to encourage one another.

Sometimes we're doing the same program, sometimes we're not, but it has allowed us, I think, to boost our relationship in very different ways. And because we're eating healthier, because we're moving our bodies together, that gives us that many more years together. And so I think in having this conversation with your partner, with your spouse, being able to say, I wanna live a long life with you. And I know these changes.

can feel challenging at first, especially if you and your family are going from eating a very standard American diet to eating anti-inflammatory and making a lot of food swaps, that transition can be difficult. But just like weight loss or healing or anything else, it's not gonna happen overnight. So you have to just take baby steps and I'll link in the show notes. I have a episode where I talked a lot about

treating your family like your team at work and having a conversation to say, here's what I'm trying to achieve. How can we all work together to make sure that this is happening for our family and that everyone is still getting what it is that they need and want? So I'll link to that episode in the show notes. I don't remember offhand what it is. ⁓ So Asim. think just to kind of close it up, you know,

There was the us of 2014, which we were very different people. Our lives looked very different then. What do you think in that span of time has been the most positive ripple effect on our entire family because of the health journey that I started way back when?

Asim (33:56)

⁓ I would go back to saying that, you know, in life, every one of us has marker events, right? Something that happened, sometimes it's death, you know, that makes us rethink things. Sometimes it's the birth of your child that makes you rethink. Sometimes an illness, You know, I would consider your journey, the beginning, understanding the health, the, you know, the darkness of it in the beginning. And then the way it comes out is that

That was a marker event in my life where I was forced to rethink the status quo and choose be part of a healthy life and healthy day-to-day activities, ⁓ including, ⁓

less drinking, better just meals that automatically resulted in going to bed somewhat earlier than I'm at night out. So, you going to bed earlier, getting up early as a consequence of that to work out and then relieving that time that I would spend in my social activities around alcohol a little bit. So all of that combined together, plus, you know, Suraya was seven now,

watching her as well benefit from that. I think this marker event is what has put me in a much better position to be 70 or 80 years old. When I look back at that particular time, I'll say, you know what, that was the point when I decided to go along in this journey with you that is now paying dividends,

that my health is where it's at, and it's going to be, I can say, unless some big illness happens, I think I would have probably added at least 10 years to my life, no question about that. Now look at that again in terms of what that is doing for our child. And there is no penalty for eating and living a healthier life, right? There is only the opposite of it. And watching that, that this is happening for my child,

Ashley (35:39)

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Asim (35:58)

I'm so grateful because then she can avoid the journey perhaps that you and many other women and men have to go through where the payment, always, the payback always happens at some particular point, right? If you're gonna smoke, you're definitely gonna feel something later on in life. If you're not gonna have these healthy choices, you're definitely gonna have an impact at a later life. So having seen you, myself, and our child have this opportunity, I think that's probably the best thing that's happened.

to us and I will appreciate it more and more as I grow older and older.

Ashley (36:32)

even when you have to eat broccoli for five days in a row.

Asim (36:34)

Even if I have to eat well, it's never five days in a row. It's in the menu, it's in the house, but it's, ⁓ you

know, there is some variation from that for sure.

Ashley (36:43)

Yeah,

no, there is. is. Yeah, I would agree. think watching how we've been able to show Suraya our seven-year-old, how to make healthy choices and how to, you know, she now likes the idea of candy and sugar, but she actually doesn't really eat a lot of it because when she eats something sweet, she's like, that's too sweet. but again,

None of this happened overnight. This has been a 12 year journey. And that's why I think it's really important for you to be able to hear from my husband of that this, this didn't happen instantly. I didn't get to take a pill and my Hashimoto's was gone or my menopause is better. Like I still struggle every day with, with all of the health issues, but being able to be on the same page as a couple.

it is going to improve your relationship. Yes, there will be challenges. There will be reframing of who you are in social situations if you stop drinking. There will be a reframe of how you fit in if you go to a potluck and you're not eating all the desserts or you have to bring your own food. But if you can work with your spouse, your partner,

and get on the same page as to why this matters because of the longevity that it brings you, because of the health that it brings you today together as a family, it's really going to pay off over time. So hopefully you have enjoyed this episode, getting a behind the scenes look ⁓ at my relationship with my husband. We joked that he was kind of serious on today's call. He's actually really funny.

⁓ so maybe, maybe we'll have him on again and he'll be a little less, we'll have a less serious conversation. Yes, broccoli and beer before you come on, it'll make it so much better. So thank you. Thank you so much, honey, for coming on and sharing. think that this was really good information for women to be able to take away. And like I said at the beginning,

Asim (38:36)

Maybe I'll have some broccoli and beer before that.

Ashley (38:54)

If you feel so inclined, if this resonated with you, I really encourage you to share this with your partner, with your family even, to help them understand that the journey is a lifelong one. And when we do it together, it feels more achievable and we actually all benefit at the end if we can be healthy and stay healthy together. So.

Asim (39:17)

100%.

Ashley (39:18)

Thank you for joining us today. Thank you for tuning into this episode of The Family Fork and we will see you next week.