Love Catalog: Shopping for a Soulmate Without the Desperation

Relationships don't come with instruction manuals, but what if they did? In this enlightening continuation of our relationship series, we dive deep into the often-misunderstood process of manifesting your perfect partner after you've identified your patterns.

The journey begins with a powerful reframing: your past relationships weren't failures or mistakes—they were perfectly orchestrated experiences designed for your spiritual growth. Once you embrace this perspective, you can move from self-judgment to self-awareness, recognizing yourself as the creator of your relationship experiences rather than their victim.

We introduce a practical approach to relationship clarity: creating what we playfully call a "shopping catalog" of relationship experiences. This thorough review of every romantic connection you've had—from childhood crushes to serious partnerships—involves documenting what you enjoyed and what you didn't in each one. By cataloging these experiences in detail, including how you responded to various situations, you begin to craft a clear vision of what truly matters to you.

However, the manifestation process requires patience. We explore why there's an intentional delay between setting an intention and its manifestation in our third-dimensional reality, and how this pause serves your highest good. When impatience or doubt arises, recognize these moments as opportunities to identify and release limiting beliefs about your worthiness or timing.

Perhaps most crucially, we discuss the importance of authenticity throughout the dating process. Don't present a version of yourself during the "courting stage" that you can't or don't want to sustain. When you show up as your true self from the beginning, you create space for genuine connection rather than temporary attraction based on illusion.

Ready to break free from relationship cycles and manifest a connection that honors all aspects of who you are? This episode provides both the practical tools and spiritual understanding to make it happen. Your perfect relationship isn't about compromise or sacrifice—it's about alignment, authenticity, and the courage to trust the process.

Transcript

Introduction to Relationship Series Phase Two

Speaker 1 0:51

Good morning Dr Jenny. Good morning Wee's Shady's back Back again. Guess who's back? Tell a friend. Hey guys, welcome back to the Spiritual Grind. We're having a good day so far, kind of quiet. I like it Knock on wood, so it stays quiet today. Good morning, dr Jenny. Are you like? Is your voice box broken?

Speaker 2 1:24

No, I'm not broken. You're not broken. No.

Speaker 1 1:26

I'm not broken. You're not broken. No.

Speaker 2 1:28

I have not been up very long.

Speaker 1 1:30

Oh, you're still not awake yet.

Speaker 2 1:32

Oh no, I mean, I can do this stuff in my sleep.

Revisiting Relationship Patterns with Purpose

Speaker 1 1:35

I know right. So you know, last week we started the series on relationships and building a great relationship.

Speaker 2 1:47

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:48

And we verified and taught people how to identify if their picker is broken. So time to move into stage two of the relationship series.

Speaker 2 2:01

All right.

Speaker 1 2:03

So once you fix your picker and identify your ownership within the previous history, now you're free, you're open, your your pickers is in line. You set your intentions and what you want. What's next?

Speaker 2 2:20

well, I have to get past the way it's being set up, because I don't like putting out there the premise that anything is broken or that we're doing anything wrong, Because all along our journey we create our reality for the purpose of growth and evolution. So everything is perfectly designed and synchronistically.

Speaker 1 2:46

What was that?

Speaker 2 2:47

That was my sleepy tongue, orchestrated and put into place, and so I don't want to put out there the premise that your pickers broke means that you did something incorrect right wrong. I agree, it was just a funny title, just an analogy to um, get across the point, just to make everybody understand, I don't want to put that energy out there I, I agree, and it's not about for me.

Speaker 1 3:21

It was about giving it a way that people could relate to. I understand they question their relationships. They want to know why they end up in the same scenario over and over and over. The only common denominator in all those is that one individual.

Speaker 2 3:36

Right, I would like to back up and just revisit for the purpose of clarification.

Speaker 2 3:41

Okay, let's do it because every single relationship that you find yourself in you orchestrated, even on an unconscious level, this relationship for the purpose of co-creating experiences with that individual that were pre-defined. Pre-defined meaning Before you came into your human body. You and that individual, on the spiritual realm level, your soul level, decided together that you would play those characters for each other, so that you could experience whatever you experienced in it, grow and evolve and then move on to the next. And so, even for those that have been, you know, married and divorced multiple times, we left the podcast saying make sure you come out of it educated and not damaged, correct. And what that means is coming out of it damaged, is holding onto a perspective that you did do something wrong.

Speaker 1 4:50

Yeah. And that's not what we're trying to say at all you were working in the fundamental operational system that you had by design, by design it had to be set up that way so that you could experience, whatever the yucky parts, the blissful parts for just the pure purpose of having that experience or for the epiphanal learning of whatever you learned coming out of that.

Speaker 2 5:25

Now, if you're in a non-awakened state or just beginning your awakening process, it's very easy to go back and look at those relationships and say, oh, I did that so wrong.

Speaker 2 5:38

And especially if you're not in an awakened state and don't understand how all the mechanisms work yet, you could fall into that trap of of self-judgment and criticism and and hang out there, and all we're trying to do is bring you to the awareness that you don't have to hang out in that place right, it's not about blame all for a purpose and for for your highest growth.

Speaker 1 6:05

Right, it's not about blame, it's about ownership and understanding and awakening yeah, becoming self-aware of.

Speaker 2 6:13

I'm the common denominator in that I create my own reality. So now let's look at it instead of a victimhood or self-criticization.

Speaker 1 6:23

Be positive right.

Speaker 2 6:25

Okay, let me look at this from a different perspective, as the common denominator and someone who creates my reality. What was it that I was supposed to learn and that will help bring you out of that? What would feel like a perpetual loop of recreating the same scenario, finding yourself in the same type of relationship over and over and over? It's usually because you're not stopping to look at what we described in the previous podcast of what do I want to do different? What habits do I need to consciously retrain within myself? What beliefs do I need to let go of, and so I just wanted to revisit and clarify yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 7:08

It's not a self-criticized punish myself because I keep finding myself in crappy relationships or not the best ones. They all served a purpose to get you to where you are now.

Speaker 1 7:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2 7:21

And so part of the healing process is could be that you go back and you revisit each one of those relationships and find out what it is that you had planned for yourself to learn from them. I know for me I did this journey and went back and I kind of used it as the JCPenney's catalog or the Shirt catalog. You remember when we used to get that big giant catalog at the house?

Speaker 1 7:50

Yeah, where you could kind of shop. Or you could go to JCPenney's and you could go pick one up for you at the customer service. Same thing with Macy's and Dillard's. They used to give out big catalogs you could take home.

Speaker 2 8:04

I went on a good, probably 30, 45 day sabbatical of really looking into this for myself.

Speaker 1 8:10

Can you spell that?

Speaker 2 8:11

Sabbatical yeah no. Okay, I may have a doctorate, but it's not in vocabulary or spelling. Absolutely not the spelling bee person I was is.

Speaker 1 8:24

I got out on the first round and we only had to spell the S-E-B-A-T-I-C-A-L. I'm the speller of the two of us.

Speaker 2 8:34

By the way, yes, you and siri are what saved my life anyway, so continue on, sorry I just um. What I did is I took each relationship and we're talking about partners in a romantic dating, intimate relationships. So you're talking about the next step.

Speaker 1 8:57

You're going into the next step after you identify your ownership in each one of the previous things, and now you're talking about stage two.

Speaker 2 9:05

How would?

Speaker 1 9:05

you identify it or title it.

Speaker 2 9:07

Stage two. How would you identify it? Or title?

Speaker 1 9:10

it.

Speaker 2 9:10

I would say that this is a digging through the contrast.

Speaker 1 9:16

Okay, kind of like a Clearing the contrast.

Speaker 2 9:20

Yeah, not really clearing it, but identifying the must-haves. Okay, you're going shopping and the things that you don't like, you're basically going shopping. And the things that you don't like, you're basically going shopping. So you've created this whole JCPenney shopping catalog of all the relationships you've ever had. I went all the way back to because I can remember having in kindergarten a little boyfriend.

Speaker 1 9:45

In kindergarten. Yeah, wow.

Speaker 2 9:49

That was when my mom was still involved.

Speaker 1 9:51

What did you all do? Eat crayons, yeah, wow, that was when my mom was still involved.

Creating Your Relationship Shopping List

Speaker 2 9:53

What did you all do? Eat crayons, yeah, and glue and glue. And she did not like the fact that I had a little boyfriend. Anyway, I went all the way back to each one of them and I took each one one by one, and I wrote down my experiences positive and, like I said, this was probably a good 45, maybe even 60 day process, so it's not a sprint.

Speaker 2 10:19

Yeah, if you truly truly want to get clear about and and clean up that loop, because I found myself in one of those loops- yeah where I kept picking the same type of person and I finally got tired of it and I did exactly what you said in the first podcast is I was like, okay, you know what? I am the freaking common denominator in every one of these not so pleasant, freaking relationships and I'm tired of it. It I'm tired of experiencing it in this manner. I want something to be different. And in that very moment it was like the clouds opened up, the angels sung and it was like an epiphanal moment for me. The minute I came to the conscious realization that I'm the common denominator. It kind of just rang my bell. And so what I did is I went through each relationship, every single one of them, and I wrote down what the relationship was like, going back and kind of remembering what happened, what didn't happen, and I journaled. Each relationship got its own page.

Speaker 2 11:34

I wrote kind of a pros and cons list or kind of a okay, I liked this about it, but I didn't care for this and I made two columns yes and I did that with each relationship, because what I realized is that each relationship brought with it things that I did enjoy and it allowed me then to mold the human that sits before me now and we have a beautiful relationship. But I put the work in and I did decide and discern between the contrast and that's what all this is really about is getting crystal clear about what it is you want and you don't want.

Speaker 1 12:19

Kind of revisiting the contrast, right yeah.

Speaker 2 12:22

But be careful that you don't get trapped or tangled up in insisting that it has to look like how your story that you write.

Speaker 1 12:32

How your human story writes. Right, I agree.

Speaker 2 12:35

And so I just went one by one, writing those two columns, the things I do like and the things I don't like, and as I did that, more and more awareness began to unfold. Oh, you know what I liked? And it was tiny, small things. I liked the way this person would look at me. I liked the way this person would do this. I did absolutely not like this, this, and it was a pretty in-depth view of what exactly I'm shopping for in my robot.

Speaker 1 13:07

AI husband, I took that to a different level too. I actually looked at how I responded and how I acted to each one of those scenarios. Yeah, because you can create your own negativity very easily if you look at yourself oh I messed this one up and you start blaming the other person, or you did this because of this, and you just have to look at the pros, what you liked, the cons, what you don't like and how you responded to each one of those, and change all three of those perspectives.

Speaker 2 13:39

Exactly, it's kind of a twofold thing.

Speaker 1 13:41

Agreed.

Speaker 2 13:42

You take each relationship and you make a shopping list Right, list right. But then also in that I agree with you 100 being accountable and truly honest with yourself of what, what part you had in it. Yeah, will also clean out your garbage can yeah, like if you're deferring or putting the blame off on the other person in each relationship so that you can walk away. I'm a happy boy, happy happy, happy boy.

Speaker 1 14:11

You know the I think to give an example of that is like you documented do it. You didn't like the way your mate spent money and so you went out and blew a bunch of money too. You know, that's kind of a good eye. That's kind of just a little example. Or when you're identifying those contrast moments in previous relationships, to document yourself and what you did within the positives and negatives.

Speaker 2 14:35

Right.

Speaker 1 14:36

And you know, hey, you know, he brought me flowers one day and I reacted, I got all excited and you know, and had an intimate moment about it, and so you know document that because you want to feed into the positivity.

Speaker 2 14:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 14:50

So when you identify the contrast within it and you want to focus on those positives and try to rebuild that energy of the positive, you don't want to try to rebuild the same situation, because don't get caught in that trap either of repeating history and looking at the same situation. I want chocolates on Monday, I want flowers on Friday. Because of this, because you enjoyed this, what you want to do is create the energy behind it. So when you do bring that paint, that pretty little picture of that new person in your life, the energy is there. You just can't have parameters on it.

Speaker 2 15:25

So we're going to agree to disagree for a brief second.

Speaker 1 15:28

Okay.

Speaker 2 15:28

Because I don't think it's beneficial to only focus on the positive.

Speaker 1 15:32

No, yeah, no, no, no, I'm not saying that I think you have to look at the negative.

Speaker 2 15:37

And I think you were on a very good track of part of that needs to be how did I react? Yeah, how did I react in it and those two examples that you put out there of? Well, he spent a bunch of money, so I'm going to as well.

Speaker 1 15:53

Or he cheated, so I'm going to cheat.

Speaker 2 15:56

Right, that is a revenge reflex.

Speaker 1 15:59

That's correct. And it's not always beneficial. Way, way low on the emotional scale way low on the emotional scale.

Speaker 2 16:09

Unless it's a contractual obligation that the two of you went into, then it's not the best way to go about handling experiences and emotions within it.

Speaker 1 16:21

Totally agree, and I didn't mean to give the impression that I mean you just focused on the positives, because you have to have balance and everything, and balancing the positives is identifying the negatives as well.

Speaker 2 16:31

Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:32

Because you have to have a contrast, Otherwise you don't know what positive is.

Speaker 2 16:35

Right and you kind of look at yourself from all different angles.

Speaker 1 16:40

But you know, in the focus of it for me, when we're talking about this and we're teaching, it is when you identify the contrast and you have all these moments in historical events in there and you liked you know you, you take your little pro list and you move it over to the left, and you take your little con list and you move it over to the right and then you try to look at okay, so I liked this and I liked how I responded. I didn't like this and I didn't like how I responded. Or I didn't like this and I did like how I responded. Right, and that's how you learn to create a healthy shopping list.

Speaker 2 17:15

And I would say take it one more step farther and say when you find something that I didn't like this, but I also didn't like how I responded, I would put a subcategory when I'm writing that down. This is my process and I would say how. I would have rather seen myself respond yes, or I did like this, but I responded in such a way that wasn't beneficial.

Speaker 2 17:47

For example, he brought me flowers. I enjoyed them immensely, but I forgot to show appreciation for it, and I can remember a scenario like that. And so I guess, identifying that I did enjoy getting the flowers, but seeing that I didn't respond in the highest and best way that I see myself as I would then write underneath it as a subcategory, I would like to see myself respond with a hug or a thank you or some sort of gratitude or some sort of appreciation. That was just me on my journey.

Speaker 1 18:27

Yes, and sort of appreciation. That was just me on my journey. Yes, you know, and I think removing the oars you and I talked about this yesterday a little bit, removing the oars from your vocabulary, I want this in a person or this Right Instead of having everything when you're in the shopping.

Speaker 1 18:43

I mean, you don't go out and go shopping. You don't go down to JCPenney's, as you just said, and said I'm going to go down and buy a shirt, and then you're looking for shirts and you grab one off the counter, and then you grab another one off the counter and you don't say, oh, I like both of these, but I'm only going to get this one, yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 19:02

so what you're basically talking?

Speaker 1 19:04

about is a topic, unless there's a reason behind it. Sorry.

Speaker 2 19:07

The topic that I brought up yesterday morning was we tend to go about our journey of this or that instead of this and that. Yep, and a lot of times I would say nine times out of ten, it's either. It's basically the core place is it's coming from a place of lack. Yeah, core place is it's coming from a place of lack.

Speaker 1 19:34

Yeah, either a lack of money, or a lack of deservability, or a lack of worthiness yeah, it could be anything, but it can be cloaked as yeah, many things I.

Speaker 2 19:39

You know, it can be worded as many different things like if you're going shopping and you've got two shirts, you'll sit there and justify saying, oh, you know what, I've got two shirts. You'll sit there and justify saying, oh, you know what, I've got ten more of these, just like this. I just don't have these two colors, so this time I'll get this color. So do I want this color or that color?

Speaker 1 20:01

I mean, like you do, you find a pant, you like, you just buy all the colors, right, that's what you did yesterday.

Speaker 2 20:09

You're like all the I like these pants, so I just get all the colors when I find them on the shelf I just get one of every color.

Speaker 1 20:16

That way I have them and ready to go and and make sure that that the listeners understand that it is okay to do that. It's okay to take a catalog and say I want this because it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 20:31

The because it doesn't matter. You need to stop right there at the. Because that's right. That's why I stopped. It's because it doesn't matter, you don't have to have a because. You don't justify it. Mechanism of higher self works in conjunction with you to bring about the highest and best through unadulterated belief systems that don't skew your reality, you'll find yourself not feeling the need to justify any story to yourself or anybody else.

Speaker 1 21:09

You just go out and do it. I think the the part of this that people get really confused and kind of skew the scale is when it's been two weeks and they've had no phone calls there's a song.

Speaker 2 21:24

There's a song about that there is. It's been two weeks and I'm oh yeah, what is that song? I don't know somebody look at it anyway.

Speaker 1 21:34

And so, as humans, we have a tendency to be patient, impatient and don't trust the process. So when we get to this point, to where we have, you know we've we've looked at our picker and our ownership and that we we've set our shopping list, so to speak. We've looked at our picker and our ownership. In that We've set our shopping list, so to speak, we put our intentions out there, we've identified the positives and negatives and how we want to view our future going forward. And so now we sit in our bed at night and we say, dear Lord, give me wings so I can fly, fly right to my Prince Charming.

Speaker 2 22:10

Yeah, so maybe we take a brief second and we talk about the time frame by which things manifest yes and why it is that that's what I was going to say.

The Patience of Manifestation and Timing

Speaker 1 22:20

Manifesting the perfect person for yourself is you're going through the steps and the process, and that's where I was going to it next is now we're in the spot of manifesting what we want.

Speaker 2 22:32

Right, and so the mechanism of manifestation in a third-dimensional 3D experience such as we're in is by design. There is a lull in the instantaneous creation.

Speaker 1 22:50

For the reason of learning.

Speaker 2 22:53

The rabbit hole. Reason is you're learning how to instantaneously create. Right, but until you get your beliefs, patterns and programs completely clear, on on creating instantaneously. You don't want to, you don't want to create something, it pop into existence and you say, oh crap, you know what? I didn't mean. I didn't mean for him to have an arm coming out of his head. I didn't think about that detail.

Speaker 1 23:22

Oh my God, he's the perfect one, but he's got three arms.

Speaker 2 23:27

Yeah Darn. I wish I would have had just a brief second to let that boil up and clarify that aspect of it, right.

Speaker 1 23:36

Because you know the patience behind it when you manifest. It is sometimes. You know. I used this analogy the other day. I don't know if you all remember, but when we were younger there was this little Lucas Oil thing on the shelves at Walmart and you had a little dial on it. It had all these cogs and it had these stuff in it and when you turned it the oil would move its way down.

Speaker 2 24:00

Was it a toy?

Speaker 1 24:01

No, it was a way to demonstrate how good Lucas oil was. And you'd spin it and this oil would work its way and cover all the cogs and the brackets and it would show oil on it.

Speaker 2 24:13

So you'd have to be aware of what Lucas Oil is, I guess.

Speaker 1 24:17

Yeah, I mean it was on every shelf for many, many years and you probably did see it.

Speaker 2 24:22

I never know. I don't even know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 24:25

Anyway. So when you spun this little crank on it it showed the oil getting covered and all that stuff. And sometimes when we're working on beliefs you know it didn't go right down when you cranked it. It would go down at the pace that you cranked it. And that's kind of how clearing beliefs and setting intentions and aligning with that proper energy kind of happens. So the faster you crank it and relax and let it go, the quicker that oil gets to the bottom and the quicker the beliefs clear and they pop all into place.

Speaker 2 24:54

Right, and so how do you do that?

Speaker 1 24:56

Relax and trust. That's what I would say. What are some? Techniques that you could do if you're not there yet well, you know, I think, the only thing that pushes time, because you know, we're still talking about relationship right, we push it when you push time because time is humanly created. It's not higher self-created. You know the the time clock was made so we had a way to properly pay people for services, the farming, all that stuff.

Speaker 2 25:25

It was also created on a little bit higher level, because you have to have time-space in order to experience a linear reality, linear dimension. So it does have a little bit of a different purpose. It's got a little bit of use, but at a different, higher level.

Speaker 1 25:44

But we as humans have a tendency to say, okay, I did all this hard work, I want to benefit now and we have to eliminate and be open and not push. It'll happen when it happens, because your higher self is controlling it.

Speaker 2 26:01

And because your beliefs patterns programs have cleared out of the way, so that, A you're aligning with that perfect specimen or B you're the perfect specimen when you do align with it, so that it can be an ecstatic, magical coming together of two beings.

Speaker 1 26:27

You know I like to use the band-aid analogy when it comes to this.

Speaker 2 26:31

Do tell.

Speaker 1 26:32

So when you have a cut on your finger and you don't put a band-aid on it, you look at it every day. You may bump it on something and you look at it and you're like man, I wish that would heal man. I wish that would heal man. I wish that would heal man. I wish that was healed. When you put a bandaid on it, it's not doing anything. It's not doing anything but covering it, and I mean there's no medicine in it. There's nothing in it that makes that heal quicker.

Speaker 2 26:55

Right.

Speaker 1 26:56

And when you put that bandaid on, it's out of sight, out of mind, Yep, and it always heals three or four times quicker. I wonder why that is because you're not focused on it.

Speaker 2 27:05

Right. You set the intention, you create your want, your shopping must-haves, basically. And then you're exactly right you give it enough energy when you're creating it to give it momentum to go out and be created, and then you set it aside and release the expectation and insistence that it has to come now and it has to look that way.

Speaker 1 27:34

My clock is ticking.

Speaker 2 27:36

Yeah, oh, my God, I'm 60 years old and I'm running out of time because I'm 32 and I want to have a baby.

Speaker 1 27:42

I heard that one just the other day, actually from a family member. Oh my God, I'm so ready to get married because I'm 32 and my clock is ticking. I won't be able to, you know, conceive much longer. I'm like, if you continue to believe that then you won't. But it's so we get, we get that patience and that rush and we push everything and then what happens? We have, we, we jump into. This person comes into our life and we're going through our little checklist you know we've done, ordered it out of our catalog and then, because we're in such a hurry, we grab a hold of that person and then we turn around and go right back into allowing the checklist to not be complete. Yep, and it trips you and the trips, and then you wake around and go right back into allowing the checklist to not be complete.

Speaker 2 28:24

Yep, and it trips you up, and it trips us up. And then you wake up and you realize crap.

Speaker 1 28:29

I did it again. Oops, I did it again. You got your Britney mic on. You know they're saying that that's a. What do they call that?

Speaker 2 28:36

A Mandela effect. A Mandela effect. I know that Britney never wore the mic. I absolutely remember her having that headphone mic.

Speaker 1 28:44

I do too 100%. And I think it was on Saturday Night Live where I saw it, but I don't remember.

Speaker 2 28:49

I've seen her on like televised concerts.

Speaker 1 28:54

Oh yeah, the halftime show. And she had it, the halftime show. Yeah, I remember Anyway.

Speaker 2 29:00

She always was such a she was a dancer and a singer. Yeah, I remember. Anyway, she always was such a she was a dancer and a singer.

Speaker 1 29:03

Yeah, so she can't hold a mic.

Speaker 2 29:05

That's right.

Breaking Societal Expectations and Timelines

Speaker 1 29:06

Unless she was just lip syncing Crickets, Anyway. So the really that's what we do as humans. It's a cycle, and learning to control that cycle is what we're describing here.

Speaker 2 29:22

Yeah.

Speaker 1 29:23

Because you have to be patient and it's okay to say, okay, I've done the shopping list. Now I'm at JCPenney's, I'm going through the counter and I'm looking for a blue button-down shirt with short sleeves and I want it to have white stripes. But I found this blue shirt. It doesn't have white stripes, but it's short sleeve, it's buttoned down. It's not going to match the pants that I have for him, but it's close enough. And what happens?

Speaker 2 29:50

You take it home, you hang it in the closet and you never wear it, that's right.

Speaker 1 29:55

And you never wear it. So you got to ask yourself why? Why is it not okay to say, no, this is not what I was looking for. I'm not going to buy, right, I'm going to wait until the exact one comes along. That's right. And you got to be patient with it because it will manifest when you go through these steps. Yeah, it will manifest in the proper way, in the proper timeline, based on your beliefs, patterns and programs, after you've done the work. Yeah, and so now we're in this impatient human world and you're just hanging out with your friends, you're doing whatever. So now we're in this impatient human world and you're just hanging out with your friends, you're doing whatever you know. Now you start talking to your friends about oh my gosh, I'm so tired of being alone. I'm looking for something. I'm bored, instead of entertaining yourself and just staying firm to who you are and what you want. Because I promise you it will happen.

Speaker 2 30:40

Yeah, and I mean, while you're waiting for it to happen. It's a good opportunity and an educational opportunity that, as those kinds of statements pop up, I'm so bored. I you know I can't wait.

Speaker 1 30:55

Why is this?

Speaker 2 30:55

taking so long I'm lonely to stop and look at why you're having that perspective.

Speaker 1 31:01

Yeah.

Speaker 2 31:02

Is it a societally embraced belief of there's a certain time that you're supposed to be married at this time, you're supposed to be in college at this time? Because society has done that, programmed the general population?

Speaker 2 31:17

on how the life is supposed to play out as far as age, how the life is supposed to play out as far as age. You graduate high school and then at this age you're into college. You get done through college in three years, four years, and then you're going off to have the perfect marriage and so many years into that marriage then you're having 2.1 kids and a dog and a white picket fence and there are age-defining constructs in that that were taught by society and coming out of that is beneficial.

Speaker 1 31:52

I have something to tell everybody very important. Do tell Society is never right, it always changes, it's all trends.

Speaker 2 32:00

Right, I mean it's always trending.

Speaker 1 32:02

I mean look at the example you brought up the other day the nutritional chart.

Speaker 2 32:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 32:07

How much has that changed over the years? Yeah, how long. I mean, there's so many examples that you can put out there. You know, the single income household versus two income household. There's all these trends, it's all a trend.

Speaker 2 32:19

Right.

Speaker 1 32:19

And they change, and so you can't rely on societal taught things. You have to go with what's inside of you, remove those societal pushed beliefs.

Speaker 2 32:29

Yeah, decide for you what it looks like.

Speaker 1 32:32

That's right. Write your own life book. You are the author of your book.

Speaker 2 32:36

That's right. Don't do it based on what society has taught. I mean, we watch our own kids go through this a little bit especially we have one. And he's like I'm something, something years old and I'm not married yet, and you know kicking himself and I'm like chill brother.

Speaker 1 32:56

Take your time, it's fun. You know, like, well, that's the same thing I told the lady the other day when she said her biological clock was ticking. You know, like, well, that's the same thing I told the lady the other day when she said her biological clock was ticking, and I said, well, if you believe that, then that's true, but it's proven that that's not true.

Speaker 2 33:09

It's not true, yeah because the paradox here is is that if you're like we'll take, for example, the I can't find a mate, I don't have a mate, it's taken too long, I'm getting too old, I don't have a mate, it's taking too long, I'm getting too old If you take that whole premise and you're constantly focused on that and you're constantly running through that in your head and you're in this hurry and impatient and constantly worried about time is ticking, you're basically giving more energy to the not having of it than you are to the end end of the stick of having it to the end of the what each, each concept has two ends yeah, I'm just playing

Speaker 1 33:51

and so I was just imagining a stick, and in the center is the balance ability and so now we went through all these processes and we kind of explained to it and then we get to the point where we're bored and we start pushing impatience. And I think one of the things that we do as humans is we have a tendency to do what's easiest. And when we get into that spot, we'll start going to our old hangouts, we'll go, start seeing old friends, we'll we'll start doing the same things we did that led us down that road that we already, historically, have identified. Right and change yourself, cause I see this mistake a lot and I have. I mean, I did it, I did it, I would, I would go to the same old places.

Speaker 1 34:34

Yeah, I would do the same old things instead of putting yourself out there, put yourself into the place, yeah, and stop and identify your little shopping list. Make sure you have all this stuff lined out what you want in life and then picture what that person looks like and where would that person. What would they be doing right now? Where would they be? Are they going to be down at the racetrack watching the NASCAR race? Are they going to be at church praying? Are they going to be hanging out at the local bar? You know, put yourself into the spot, to where you think that person would hang out, because you're going to find out. It's a very peaceful place because you have now created it Right, and so you want to go to the places that you know. If they're a spiritual person and they go to the expo, go to the expo and hang out and put yourself out there, be open, open yeah

Speaker 2 35:21

and, but don't keep repeating the history yeah, there's a very good meditation that you can do and kind of play with and and doing this, that you might try, and you know that's to sit and meditate down into a place, or or, or far out into a place of imagining yourself on a picture screen five years in the future. Right, and what would that five years in the future self, either A come and tell you do this or this or this.

Speaker 1 35:55

Right, that's good, or?

Speaker 2 35:57

if you can take it in this other direction, envision what the you, who has no inhibitions and is not bound by anything, has created, basically the life that you want. What does their life look like, all the way down to details, five years from now?

Speaker 1 36:18

Right.

Being Authentic in Relationships

Speaker 2 36:19

And then start copycatting. What? You see in that vision teacher, she's copycat me which is one of the reasons, like you know, with me and my doctorate. That's why I ordered a lab coat I don't. I don't put it on, but I ordered this doctor lab coat with my name on it, dr Jenny, because you know the five-year me who's exploring that aspect had that on in that vision. And I was like you know what I want the costume.

Speaker 1 36:54

I want it. Take it till you, make it.

Speaker 2 36:56

Yeah, yeah, and so you know, do that.

Speaker 1 37:00

Yes.

Speaker 2 37:01

See how that person is living, allow, relax into it and allow it to play out in a meditative state and then copycat how they're living, and that reality will manifest extremely quickly.

Speaker 1 37:17

Yes, I totally, you're hitting that hammer.

Speaker 2 37:19

Almost to the point where you'll wake up. You'll go to bed one night. You'll wake up in that reality.

Speaker 1 37:26

I mean, that's kind of like when we met. I felt like we went from here and then suddenly three, four years later we're here and we're like what? All this time is just so rapidly.

Speaker 2 37:36

And it was very quick. It was, it was very fast and it felt like we had known each other All of our life. Yeah, it felt like we'd been together forever.

Speaker 1 37:45

I didn't think real relationships ever existed. You know I had heard, you know like my parents had been together almost I mean 60 years Almost, and but there's parts of their relationships that I like, but there's more that I don't like of their relationship. Right. And so you see all these people that have had these long marriages and these long lives together, but they self-sacrifice constantly.

Speaker 2 38:08

Right.

Speaker 1 38:14

You know, they forgo their dreams, their ambitions to go do things, and so they sacrifice themselves for the other person. And I see that all the time and that's not something that I like to do and that's not something I want in my long-term relationship, because I know, like I know now, that you can have an awesome relationship and still have dreams and ambitions and go, accomplish things and be who you want to be in it, cause it's real. And when you, when you go through the steps that we're teaching and allowing yourself to be there, don't be impatient and let things happen the way they're supposed to put yourself into the places where they are.

Speaker 2 38:54

Right, yeah, which brings us back around to this or that this and that.

Speaker 1 38:59

Yeah, I agree, you can have both.

Speaker 2 39:01

Yeah, you can that, this and that. Yeah, I agree, you can have both. Yeah, you can, and many of the life pie actually.

Speaker 1 39:08

But you know, in a relationship, why do you do that every time? You know what you know. What's crazy is it's almost on the same time every time too the lights flickered the lights flickered. But you're right, it's not this or that, that it is and that, yeah, this needs to come out of it. I got to quit saying that because my S's are off the chain, so I'm going to say is no, I don't know Anyway.

Speaker 2 39:35

I don't know what that diversion was about.

Speaker 1 39:37

Well, no, it is what it is.

Speaker 2 39:40

I just think that the? Or should be put in that pile with the shoulds Agreed. Nothing is a this or that. You came with the worthiness and the deservability to have this and that. In every given topic, every given moment.

Speaker 1 40:00

Totally agree.

Speaker 2 40:01

Give yourself permission to have it.

Speaker 1 40:03

And here is the thing, the next step within this that I think that people have a tendency to do when they first meet somebody and the checklist is being slowly checked off, they have a tendency to start doing things for that person that exceeds what you would normally do, and that's not being yourself.

Speaker 2 40:30

Yeah, what did I tell you in the very beginning of our relationship?

Speaker 1 40:32

Don't start. How do you put it? Don't do something. You're not going to continue on, and don't change me into somebody that you don't want me to be.

Speaker 2 40:39

Yeah.

Speaker 1 40:42

And that's a good way to put it.

Speaker 2 40:44

The only thing that I would change now as I look back, because you can't change me into something that. I don't want to be but. I said that to you in from this perspective don't do things that you're not willing to continue to do. Yeah, that are a facade to catch the fish now.

Speaker 1 41:14

What do they call that? When they're the, the um, when they're chasing somebody, bait no. You want some candy little girl um the, the courting, the courting the courting stage courting stage yeah, oh yeah. And so don't do that to yourself, because, like there's nothing I've ever done that I am not continue to, I have not, I'm not committed to continue to do she has that has not filled gas since I met her.

Speaker 2 41:41

That's right.

Speaker 1 41:42

I filled her gas tank. She don't drive very rarely.

Speaker 2 41:45

I haven't even. I don't think I even remember how to open a door.

Speaker 1 41:49

Because I open all her doors for her and she always gets in trouble when she grabs a door handle and that's okay. That's part for me. It makes me feel good. It's really not about her.

Speaker 2 41:58

it makes me feel good to do it and I know she enjoys it and she and that's one of the things that's in in a good relationship is she enjoys the benefits of what makes me feel good right, that's right, and so it's reciprocated yes and so just to kind of clean that up a little bit, when you're making your must-haves and and all of that, don't forget when you go into a relationship, go into it as your true, authentic, self Right, so that that person has the opportunity to see the real you and make a decision on whether you're a fit for them and whether they want to stay in the relationship as well. Stay true and authentic to yourself.

Speaker 1 42:43

You know the crazy part about it. It will feel better if you do Totally agree, Because when I was doing my research on myself, trying to figure out why I was not good at relationships, I realized that I was trying to be myself, but it was viewed badly or I was taught that that's not okay to do. You know, the king of the castle, don't open doors for women. You know that kind of thing. But that's who I wanted to be.

Speaker 2 43:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 43:07

And so it was a battle constantly within me.

Speaker 2 43:10

Right.

Speaker 1 43:10

And you just hit it right. That's the next step is be you in it, right.

Relationship Pop Quizzes and Testing Yourself

Speaker 2 43:15

And if you can't be you and the other person is responding in such a way that doesn't allow you to be authentic, then they're not your person.

Speaker 1 43:23

That's right and be okay with walking away.

Speaker 2 43:25

And be okay with making another decision.

Speaker 1 43:28

Yep.

Speaker 2 43:29

Because they're not the last fish in the sea.

Speaker 1 43:31

Because the checks You're going to test yourself, oh yeah.

Speaker 2 43:33

Yep, that's. The other thing to remember in this is that once you do these techniques and you get really clear about your shopping list, once you do these techniques and you get really clear about your shopping list, you're going to test yourself to see if the beliefs, patterns and programs have really released or redefined or have been rewritten. And so you'll put yourself through pop quizzes and you'll allow yourself to bring to your reality an individual. And here's how that works. When you do a pop quiz, they'll check part of the boxes and you'll think, oh my gosh, this is the one. But then there'll be two or three or four boxes that were pretty heavily weighted that are not checked. And in that very moment you either A are aware enough of the process that you say am I willing to, for the rest of my life with this human being, let go of that particular item on the list. How important is it to me? You?

Speaker 1 44:43

wouldn't have on the list, how important is it to me?

Speaker 2 44:45

Or if I let go of it. Is it going to then create an educational opportunity? To release anger resentment, some other, something like that.

Speaker 1 44:55

Like I say, people do it all the time to themselves. You know they'll go through the work, they'll have a relationship and then suddenly the rebound person's in their life and checks a lot of the boxes.

Speaker 2 45:07

Right.

Speaker 1 45:07

But that all is a test.

Speaker 2 45:09

It is. It's just a little pop quiz, it's just a little pop quiz.

Speaker 1 45:11

Okay, I did all this work, I'm going through all this, and then you get this person. That's really close, and so you start doubting your list and you start looking at it and you want to maybe change your list. Maybe, yeah, and the reality is, is that's just a test test for you?

Speaker 2 45:27

right and use it as such. Yeah, if things pop up, for example, I'll talk about my own personal journey as an example, as I went on this you know journey myself. I would go out with individuals and they would check a lot of the boxes. But there would be one or two biggies and I would I would say, you know, maybe that one's not so important to me, can I live without it? But what I would notice is what would follow, that is, statements like I I'm never going to be able to find anybody else that's going to find me attractive. This is probably the best.

Speaker 1 46:10

I can do. I'm getting older and I'm getting uglier supermodel.

Speaker 2 46:25

Those kinds of things would pop up about, like my visual appearance. I'm not this beautiful supermodel, uh, so this is probably the best I can do. Maybe I'm being unrealistic. Yeah, and I knew right then that I had some work to do in this particular pop quiz in that I needed to look at my view of my physical appearance and and work on that aspect, and so use it as that. Yeah, I agree, be aware of what's popping up.

Speaker 1 46:50

Pay attention to the test.

Speaker 2 46:51

Those items, then, and work on those items so that you and we're not saying every time, it's a test.

Speaker 1 46:58

And so you know, you just got to make sure you stay true to your checklist and keep it up there, because you know that next person, that rebound person, could be the one.

Speaker 2 47:08

Well, and I'll tell you this too, my checklist did modify, I did modify it because, along the journey. It wasn't just an opportunity to look at myself and see what crap I was still hanging on to. It really was an opportunity to tweak the checklist and say, okay, is this something I really thought need as a? I mean, is this something I really want to have as a, as a must have? And there were times when I would take things off the list when I was creating you.

Speaker 1 47:40

Yeah, when you were creating me.

Speaker 2 47:42

That's funny, that sounds funny, my little AI lover, when I was creating you, there were things that I would take off of the checklist and be like you know what? Because putting that component on the checklist and kind of setting with that, I realized that putting it on the checklist was coming from a place of fear or lack and by writing it down allowed me to view that and clean it up a little bit. And so there were things that I took off my checklist because it was coming from fear.

Speaker 1 48:20

Well, sometimes you meet people that check the checklist and you don't like the contrast of the check being checked, and so it's okay to take it off how many checks does it take a check check to make a check check? Well, the check would check as many checks as you could. If a check could check checks, that's pretty good, wasn't?

Speaker 2 48:41

it Very impressive. I nearly spit my coffee out.

Speaker 1 48:48

Well, I think we're in a good place. Do you have anything else? I think this is a good place to end stage two.

Speaker 2 48:55

Yeah, so brief rundown First is come into the realization that you're tired of repeating the pattern.

Speaker 1 49:04

Review the historical Review, your history.

Speaker 2 49:07

Create those must-haves.

Speaker 1 49:11

Do's, don'ts and reactions. The things you liked, you didn't like yeah.

Speaker 2 49:14

And then start release the insistence that it has to look that way and set it aside. The insistence that it has to look that way and set it aside and don't put a time constraint on it and sit there and just mull over. Okay, when is this person going to come?

Speaker 1 49:29

I did all the work. Oh my God, I'm getting old yeah.

Speaker 2 49:32

Sit back, relax, go about life doing what's aligned with your highest excitement and joy at all times.

Speaker 1 49:39

Imagine where that person you're creating is and put yourself into those scenarios.

Speaker 2 49:44

Right and then, as things come up, look at those.

Speaker 1 49:49

Look at the checklist.

Speaker 2 49:49

Be easy Look at the checklist, remind yourself.

Speaker 1 49:54

It's going to evolve.

Speaker 2 49:55

What boundaries I'm willing or checks I'm willing to negotiate when you do get the opportunity to go Be patient In the pop quiz relationship. Yeah, Don't just jump because you're like oh okay, I've got a bite on the line, let's take it home.

Speaker 1 50:10

Set the hook. Set the hook, reel it in. Reel it in.

Speaker 2 50:14

You know, give it a minute or not, you know if you're there, and you know, like you know, like you know, you know if, if you're there and you know, like you know, like you know, you know you don't know.

Final Thoughts and Episode Summary

Speaker 1 50:24

Perfect, hey, I like it. Yeah, hey, thank you all for listening. Um, are you complete? You're complete, yeah, okay, um, don't forget to like, follow and share. Look us up on the web, wwwthemerccentersorg, and that's also our social media tag at the Merc Centers. We post stuff on there two, three times a week. Actually, if we don't, our social media director does, but we give her the content, anyway.

Speaker 2 50:52

Yeah, she does the manual labor part of it.

Speaker 1 50:56

But anyway, so we appreciate y'all listening and do what now? What are they supposed to do?

Speaker 2 51:02

Ring that bell.

Speaker 1 51:04

Hey, you all have For notifications. You all have an awesome day.

Speaker 2 51:07

Love you. We'll see you next time.