The Hustler Who Found the Book: Peter LaPorta’s Path to Purpose

Pete used to be all smoke and mirrors—a fast-talking hustler with a gift for manipulation and a knack for disappearing just when things got real. He had no map, no mission, and no clue who he was without the drugs. Directionless, disconnected, and dangerously close to becoming another cautionary tale, Peter lived a life that was all hustle, no heart.

But then something unexpected happened: he got clean. And everything changed.

In this compelling episode, we trace Peter’s journey from the chaos of addiction to becoming a deeply respected pillar in the Venice Beach sober community. Today, Peter is a man on fire—with purpose, humility, and a deep, unshakable commitment to Alcoholics Anonymous. He’s not just a believer in the Big Book—he embodies it. With an encyclopedic knowledge of its principles and a fierce devotion to working with men one-on-one, Peter has helped countless others walk out of the darkness he once knew so well.

This is a story about transformation, yes—but more than that, it’s about service, legacy, and what it means to become a man of integrity after a lifetime of running from it

Sicker Than Others is bought to you by Pink Cloud Coffee. Pink Cloud Coffee is an award-winning coffee company based in Los Angeles with the primary purpose of helping addicts and alcoholics through scholarships and work programs. Sicker Than Others listeners get 10% off their first order. Go to pinkcloudcoffee.com and use promo code sick10 for 10% off any beans or merchandise.

For more information on Beit T’Shuvah please go to www.beittshuvah.org.

For more information on the program of Alcoholics Anonymous go to www.aa.org.

Host: Seb Webber

Engineered and Produced by: Ted Greenberg

Producers: Laura Bagish, Jesse Solomon, and Chris Hendrickson

Executive Producer: Seb Webber

Intro Theme by Rich Daytona

Recorded live at: Beit T’Shuvah, 8831 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90034.

To reach the production team, please email: seb@magick-arts.com

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

Ah, that's the sound of pink cloud coffee and their exceptional Columbian roast. Pink cloud coffee is an award winning Coffee Company based in Los Angeles with the primary purpose of helping addicts and alcoholics through scholarships and work programs. Sicker than others, listeners get 10% off their first order. Go to pink cloudcoffee.com and use promo code sick 10 for 10% off any beans or merchandise sicker than others, is a podcast on the ups and downs of recovery brought to you from within a treatment center in Los Angeles. This podcast does not reflect the views or opinions of beta shuva or any of its subsidiary businesses or partners sicker than others. Neither speaks for AA or recovery as a whole, but you'll find some useful links on both if you'd like to find out more information sicker than others, touches on subjects and situations that some listeners might find offensive, or, If you're lucky, triggering you have been warned. David Luke, David, Hi and welcome to sick and others. The podcast brought to you from within a residential treatment center in Southern California. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. Here's a reminder, if you're loving what we're doing, if you get something from this, you gotta follow us on Spotify. You gotta like on YouTube. You gotta do all the shit that I don't actually really understand, but do it. It helps us grow the podcast and and maybe we can help some more people. And also, if you're in the program, or you talk to people in the program, and you think some people might get something from this. Share it with them. That's all I'm asking for. Okay, my guest today is a good friend of mine from the meetings I go to. Pete, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm glad to be here, dude. I'm so stoked to have you on the show. So Pete has seen my rise, my full full full full full when he's seen my rise, and there's a couple of things I really love about you. Your knowledge of the book is dead. You try to be fucking mental. Your knowledge of the Book keep it in, just keep it rolling. Your knowledge of the book is fucking great. And I love how you talk about wanting to read with new people all the time. And that inspires me. So, having said that, tell me about your journey. Tell me about how you got sober. So, yeah, I'm just to also say, like, I'm really excited to be a part of this. I have seen your fall, fall, fall, fall, fall, rise, and it always I guess. What keeps this thing exciting for me is seeing somebody like you who, like, is a real one, you know, fall, fall, fall, and then really get this thing and, like, immerse yourself in the community, because you're a likable guy, and people have always, like, kind of clung to you. But like, watching you get super involved and then have the transition and be super effective in the rooms has been, like, really cool to watch. So I just want to, like, give you that before I start going. Thank you. That's, that's kind of the stuff that keeps me going. Um, where does my recovery begin? You can start from wherever you want. I like to hear war stories. You like to hear war stories? Yeah, I, uh, I got sober at 22 I was really lucky in the sense that my addiction, I'm a heroin, crack cocaine user, and I think as much as I hated that about myself, really kind of opened the floodgates to like acknowledgement of I need help, and I need it fast, you know, whereas I could have probably continued on a journey of blackout, drinking and sniffing cocaine and popping Xanax every now and then, last till I'm, you know, 3540 years old before I'm like, Oh, well, like, My life sucks, you know. And like all the people around me, you know, that I grew up with are, like, living these really cool lives, and I've just like, maintained and just like existed until I'm 35 before I realized, like, I have no purpose. I have nothing going on. And so I think that one thing I'm really grateful for about, you know, my drugs of choice was that, you know, there's not many heroin addicts or, you know, crack smokers that I know that are very functional, you know, balance. They don't really balance it out there as well. Yeah, yeah, either in or you're out, yeah, exactly. It's, it's, you know, it's very tough to hold a job, you know, very tough to, you know, show up to family events. I'm the guy that, like, misses Christmas because my dealer doesn't hit me back in time. And I'm like, you know, waiting to show up to a family event. I'm waiting on my dealer. You know, my entire life had kind of become, you know, the sequence of it was okay once I, like, get right with my dealer, then I can, can go to the grocery store with my grandma. Or, you know, go spend time with my family, or go hang out with my girl, or whatever that looks like. It's like, the drugs always came first, dude. I so relate to that. Like, I remember, especially towards the end of the addict, well, not the end, end, but like when I would hold a job, like, I remember, I'd have to smoke meth before a zoom call, like, you know, and I'd be so psyched out about like, this call I got at 11 o'clock, and I'm thinking I'm having, like, I start my day with a coffee, you know, have a coffee and some cereal, and then I'd be thinking, I got two hours at zoom call, and I'd have to get fucking suited just to take a call with my accountant or something. Just basic life functions had to be loaded for totally, like, ridiculous, yeah, I can't, I can't agree or relate more. Yeah, that being said, like me, me basically, like having to, you know, I became like, super attached to these drugs and alcohol. Like I was always, like a partier, but I think at a certain point I just kind of like, signed away in my life to this, these substances, you know, I basically, like, was one to go in and out of, you know, I was thinking about, I was driving over here. I was from, you know, from the west side, about 20 minute drive. So I was thinking about, like, huh, like, what did, what did my like, recovery look like before, like, actually getting sober. And a lot of my experience with treatment centers and detoxes and hospital detoxes and all that kind of stuff was, you know, I go in there, I don't really have an awakening experience. I don't it was, it was, you know, more. So just okay. I just got to, kind of, like, let the dust settle from like, what the past three, six months have looked like, and I'd be in in detox, and, you know, I'm on, you know, you get your phone calls, and I'm calling my my buddies. And my buddies are drug dealers, right? So, like, my, my buddies that I'm hanging out with are the guys that are selling me the dope in the first place. And so I have one, one drug dealer, who's, he was an Army vet, and we like shooting guns. We like playing paintball, like all these things that we did when we were younger, we would always talk about it when we're getting high. We're like, oh, like, next week, like, let's go play paintball. Like, that would be so much fun and wholesome. The plans we make when we're getting high, exactly so good. And so I'm in detox, and I'm like, Hey bro, like, you know, I'm sober. Like, this is great. I feel awesome. I'm like, three days into a suboxone taper, you know, and I'm like, I'm sober, like, this is the way of life. And you know, when I get out of here, like, let's go play paintball, because we've always talked about it. And, like, now I'm in a position where, like, I can play paintball, and I can save up 50 bucks, and we can go out there and have a blast. And in my head, I firmly believe, like, Hey, we're gonna go play paintball. I get out of detox. I go to his house. He's serving a couple people. And eventually, after like, three hours of like, watching him, like, serve people in and out of his his house, I'm like, All right. Like, you know, let me, let me get some. You know, enough's enough. Like, let's stop fucking around and and, like, that was my experience where my buddy would pick me up. He's like, Oh, it's gonna be great. Like, I'm glad you're sober, like, or I'm glad you got all that, that bad shit out of your system. We're gonna go to this party tonight. It's gonna be lit, and then it's like, oh, I go and I drink, and then I smoke bud, and then I eat a Xanax, and then I sniff some blow, and then I'm up till 8am and now I gotta go to sleep. And I'm not gonna be able to go to sleep because I'm all yaked up on blow, and I need to come down. So then that's the 8am phone call to the dealer. I go cop dope, I get to sleep, and I wake up, and the cycle begins again. So like, that's my experience with recovery, alcoholism, drug addiction, like it all moves really fast for me, and I might not, you know, for me, it's just I drink two beers. I don't even need to get drunk. And I need to know where the stuff that I like, really love is at. You know? Yeah, so I it was a snowstorm in Washington, DC and DMV area, DC, Maryland, Virginia, and I was actually plowing roads, and I I was getting high while I was doing it worked out really well. I was waiting on like a $500 check, which, at the time was like a big deal. And I get a phone call from a buddy I used to get high with, and he was out in California, and he was kind of telling me, like, Hey, man, like, I know you're still doing the same shit. Like, there's a really dope life available for you if you're willing to, like, jump on a plane and come out here and do what I did, you know? And I was, I thought he was, like, scamming me. I was like, bro, what's in? What's, what's the, what's the catch here, you know? And if you just sell 10 of these books, yeah, exactly, exactly, something funky. And basically, my mom's friend called me, like, right after, I was like, Thank you. You know, his name's John. I was like, Thank you, John. Like, I appreciate you, bro. But like, I'm good man. I'm once a box, and you. Yeah, everything's fine. I'm working this gig with the snow plows. I got, I got a plan. You know, we all got plans when we're when we're out and about. And my mom's friend called me, and she was like, I know you're not talking to your mom right now. I will buy your plane ticket. My son's out there also, along with John, he's sober. You know, you guys are all cut from the same cloth, which we were, that was an accurate statement. Like we both, we all got high together. We all got high the same way. And I was like, thank you. I'm good. I appreciate all your guys concern, but I'm fine. You know, I'm in my head. I'm like, I'm about to get a $500 check. Like, I'm gonna be chilling for like, I'll figure out how long that'll last. Realistically, it would have lasted one day. But it's amazing the excuses we make. I just want to bring this brings up. You just triggered something in me that Chris and I, we have to go to this IOP right as part of our exit program here, and we have to do, like, an hour a week, and it's full of all the people that really need to be here. And it's amazing how people like, oh, when you when you're like, dude, this guy can't stop using he needs to go to residential and they suddenly go, I couldn't possibly, you know, leave my job at Home Depot, you know, I couldn't possibly leave my job at Trader Joe's. And I'm like, Do you know how good your life could be? You know what? I mean, they really hold on. I mean, obviously they're not holding on to it. But like, the excuses we make, like, I'm good, I'm plowing snow in, like, negative 10, like things are good right now, totally, you know? I mean, like any fucking excuse to not do what needs to be done, totally. It's like, my mind can't conceptualize a bigger and, like, more beautiful life than just something so minuscule and so so small from, like, what I know I'm, what I think that I'm capable of doing. And, you know, when I got off the phone with Miss, with with my mom's friend, I just started crying, you know, and maybe, like, 30 seconds of just kind of like sobbing uncontrollably. And I'm, you know, I'm not like a big crier, so when I cry, I be crying, you know, like, I'm like, I'm letting it go. And my boy, John calls me again, and he's like, let's do this. And I just that moment hit me, like, this is where God comes into play for me, where he's just like, you know, against your best thinking, like it's almost like he said it for me, or like, God said it for me. Was just like, all right, but I got to go now, you know, because if I get this check, I don't know what it's going to look like, and boom, that's when I jumped on the plane. Oh, wow. And my life was about to take a turn that I was not prepared for or thought was possible. And I wound up in Los Angeles, and I met some guys that I think the coolest part, you know, we talk about, like, attraction rather than promotion around here. And I think what was cool is, I'm a sales guy, you know, like, if I hear a good pitch, I'm like, Oh, I respect the pitch, but it's a pitch, you know, like I hear it. And I think we live in a world, in a world of the material where there's, like, this energy of, like, there's an angle here, there's a financial motive. What's this gonna cost me? What's this gonna cost me? Yeah, or what do I have to sacrifice in order for this to be the result? And I think what was beautiful about my experience here was these guys didn't want anything from me, you know, and these guys were like, hey, like, this is what we do. And they were cool dudes. They were dudes that, like, I would kick it with, like, guys that I would hang out with, because I come into here super judgmental. I'm like, I don't want what any of you guys have. You know, you guys are freaking me out with the hand holding and the prayers and the hugging and like, that's just never been my vibe. And it's not about to start right now. But I think what was cool is, like, these guys that were doing music and that were surfing and that were doing art and, like, doing all these things that, like, I was really like, Damn, you guys got some, some cool stuff going on. Like, that's where the attraction took place. And I was like, I remember I was, I was at a meeting one time, and I heard this guy sharing, and he was like, I have to find something. There was, there was a line. He said, I wasn't paying attention to the to what he was sharing. I was actually there was a girl in the meeting that, like, I would see, you know, when you're in rehab, you you don't have a phone, you know, we're, like, going to these meetings. And so I met this girl, like, two weeks prior, and I would only see her, and I only get like, 15 minutes during the break to, like, spit game at her, right? And so, like, I'm thinking about what I'm gonna say to this girl at the break of this meeting. I'm not listening to the speaker, and all of a sudden I just hear this guy say, I need to find something that produces a better effect than drugs and alcohol do, or I'm fucking leaving. And I found that here. And I was like, Huh, that's some shit I've never heard before, because I'll go to rehab. We'll we'll go to therapy. I'll open my heart up. We'll paint some shit in art class. We'll do some rocks. Yeah, we'll do all this stuff. We'll talk about all this stuff. And the reality of it is, is like, when they talk about, like, I need to hear a message of depth and weight, like, I heard that, and I heard it. What? Team in quarters, like I heard it against my will, you know, like I wasn't listening, I wasn't looking, I wasn't seeking. And these are starting to be the experiences where I'm just like, okay, something powerful is happening here, and I have no idea what's going on, but I'm here for it. And I ran up to this dude, and I was like, I just want to, I just want to hang out with you, you know. And like, that was me. Like, you know that, you know, people talk about, like, oh, you need to, like, get vulnerable and, like, ask for help. And like, not that. Like, I've never been one of those dudes like, oh, I don't ask for help. Well, like, no. Like, I usually am the type of guy that, like, I want to know how to get to the place that I want to be. So, like, I'm fine asking for help. But I came up to this guy so humbly, and was just like, I just want to be your friend. And before I knew it, you had mentioned about, like, my knowledge of the book, and I found that spending time with these guys, it was these two guys named Jack and Jamie, and we would go to this book study at their house. And, I mean, we went line by line, and you have like, 25 dudes in there that are just talking about God in the book and the steps, and we're just like, all, it's cool, because we are all just like having this experience together. You know, there was no guys in that room with 25 years sober. It was, it was guys in the room with 234, years sober, just on fire. Yeah, and the way you can, I you bring up a really great point that, like I really, I really believe that you can relate to somebody with a week more time than you, so much better than you can with someone 30 more years than you, right? And that, that, that the community that you need to build is, I don't think we talk about it enough, to be honest, but it's essential. Like, it's essential to, like, want to be part of something totally it's not enough. To just want to be sober, it's not enough. Yeah, I want to find my crew. Yeah, you know, I want to find my people. I want to, I want to find people that, like, I can connect with on, you know, I want to identify with them, you know. I want to, like, know, like, Hey, you suffer from what I suffer from. I want to see the hope behind it. Like, Oh, you, you, you made it to the other side. You're living a life sober. Not only are you living a life sober, but you're fucking happy. You know, that's something I need to hear too. Like, that's the stuff that, like, instills hope in me, where it's just like, living a life sober does not sound interesting to me, you know. And like, now I'm looking back, I'm nine years sober, and I'm looking back, and I'm just like, you can't, there's not a, there's not $1 amount that you could pay me to go drink alcohol right now, you know? And I'm gonna do that like, I rob. I rob from my mom, you know, like I, I'm the type that, like, takes my mom's checkbook, writes out, you know, whatever I need deposit into the bank. I'm not even allowed to open up a Wells Fargo checking or a bank account. I can't even, I don't even think I'm allowed to step foot in. Wells Fargo, to be honest. But that's my, you know, I was always like, it's a money thing for me. Like, if I get a certain amount of money, I'm gonna leave sobriety, huh? That's interesting. And I've had the opportunity where, like, I've had the experience of, like, working, grinding, making a little bit of money, and being like, I'm so good here, like, I'm so good here. I think I personally believe that, like, I have the dopest life I could have ever imagined, you know, and I'm not doing crazy shit, I'm not flying all over the world in private jets, but I just, I'm so grateful and happy that, like, my family's back in my life, that I have all these really awesome friends in my life today, like my life is filled with purpose. Today, I sponsor people. I, you know, I'm available for people and like I'm not. I don't want to trade that. You know, I'm so clear on what it is that I suffer from that, like, there is no like, I don't. I no longer suffer from the delusion that, like, I can figure it out, nor do I want to figure it out and be a Normie, because that's always like, the thing, right? It's like, it's like, Oh, I wish I wasn't a drug addict. Oh, I wish I didn't like heroin and cocaine and all these things that like are detrimental to my life. I wish I could just like, you know, before I got sober, it was like, I just wish I could just like, drink, like certain family members of mine that like, have fun and go out and go to concerts and do cool shit, and then wake up Monday morning, grind until Friday, and then drink and Bob and, like, I don't want that. No, I like being authentically myself sober. 24/7 I love that. Yeah, I think that's super important. And, like, the cliche, like, now I'm getting a little bit of time, is, and this is the one thing that when you cut one my overall opinion of time, I know people don't say it's important. Try telling that to someone like me who couldn't get time. Time's fucking important for me. Time is important. I'm fucking proud of the time I have right because I could, you knew me, I couldn't get couldn't get it. But that whole idea that even now, with just 13 months, if I had made a list of all the things I wanted, I would have sold myself short. My list was so simple. It would have been like a pair of sneakers. It would have been like enough money for cigarettes like and I've gone so much fucking more that, yeah, my. Feel like today my life is perfect where it's at. I mean, I still want to do things and experience things, but, like, I think when you've been a drug addict for so long, I think the first thing to go is your confidence, right? And my ability to dream big was not available. And so now I'm, like, trying to actually figure out the things I want to do, like my dreams, like I put together, it's kind of dumb, but I put together these lists of things I want, and I keep them on my wall near my bed, and so I just see them every day. And I realized yesterday, I was like, this list is too fucking small. This is too fucking small. I'm so I'm capable of so much fucking more. But then I also really like, where I'm at. You know, all I wanted was a break. All I wanted was to not be a piece of shit for a day. I didn't wanna have to lie to get loaded. I didn't wanna have to, like, skip out on my baby mom. I wanted real simple, like, common I wanted just common decency. Like I was so over living like a piece of shit. And I've got so much more, so much more. It's crazy how this shit works. It's funny how you said attraction rather than promotion. I was thinking about this. I think as the world kind of changes with podcasts and that we can talk about this shit more, I think it's now attractive promotion. I think it's kind of important to talk about this shit. Now we're kind of getting at a point, in a way, where people, you remember, like five years ago, people weren't talking about AI, and it's changing. I think it has to, yeah, I you know, I understand there's some values behind that, but, I mean, A's not to cut you off, but an interesting place, it's like, you know, you go watch drugs Inc, you know, they open, they have their like opener where it's like, you know, they throw some text on there in the opening scene. It's like, 8% of drug addicts stay sober, and you're like, what the fuck I'm not 8% you know, like, I'm the other 92% Yeah, I ain't about to make it out here. And, you know, I think, you know, there's, there's a, there's a part in the in the Fords, in the big book, where it talks about, like, damn, I wish I had my big book on me, because I can't recite it. Recite it, get it out. Yeah, yeah, it's gonna pass your copy. Can I pull can i Yeah, let's do it. Let me look addition, yeah, okay. Of alcoholics who came to AAA and really tried. 50% got sober at once and remained that way. 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement. So I hear those numbers, and I'm I'm like, What the fuck is drugs Inc talking about when there's this fellowship, this altruistic movement, talking way better numbers, you know? And that's why I think somebody like Dr Silkworth. Dr Silkworth is the doctor that basically wrote a letter to Alcoholics Anonymous, talking about, like the physical allergy, talking about the basically like as a physician that specializes in drug and alcohol treatment, we have to doctors have to be honest with ourselves that we are inadequate when it comes to helping the real one. You know, the guy that can't keep a needle out out of his arm, the guy that, no matter how many treatment centers he goes to, it's not sufficient enough for long term sobriety, and that's a big deal. This dude, his career is about getting paid at a hospital to help drug and alcohol treatment or to tell alcoholics and drug addicts, and he's writing a letter to this movement that doesn't pay him money for this. And he's like, these guys have found something really cool, and people are staying sober. That's a big deal to me. Like, I hear something like these words in this book is powerful to me, you know? And I hear something like that, and I'm like, damn, they're, you know, we got something. We got a movement out here. Yeah, you know. And I think that, like, you know, also, when it talks about, like, rarely have we seen a person fail, it's like, I've been I've been sober, I've been in the rooms of AAA for not a little over nine years. Like, rarely have I seen a person fail. Host, thoroughly followed this path. It's like people that really are doing this, people that that get clear on what it is they suffer from, people that turn their their will in their lives over the care of God as they understand them, people that go through inventory, people that prey on character defects, people that make all their amends, people that are doing prayer meditation and then turning around and then giving that back to other people that are struggling. It's like those people are staying sober. Yeah, those people are staying sober. It's like, it's not that complicated. I'm not I'm uneducated. I didn't go to college, right? I just followed what I was told to do. And I read this book with somebody, and I got a really clear understanding of what this book talks about. And my life changed, you know? And I don't get even even, like this pitch right here. It's like, I don't get paid to say this, like this alcoholic anonymous doesn't pay me. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but yeah, they don't pay me to talk about this. This isn't the church. This is something for me that it's like the fact that it's an altruistic movement, and the fact that there's, there's an entire absence of profit motive, that's where God comes into play. For me. You know, that's where I'm like, Okay, this is a place where it's safe for God to come in and take people and pull chronic alcoholics from the gates of death and show them a beautiful life. Like, where else are they doing that shit? And for free, for free. What? Yeah, you fucking what? You're free. Yeah. Shits fucking amazing. Yeah. It's fucking amazing. You just made me think of something I don't know how relevant is to that. That was is to that. That was amazing, by the way. I'm so glad you. You it's, I don't do enough talking on here about the book, but I'm going to put some links down below so people can check out, and they can get the book online if they want to read it. And you can also, obviously go pick it up at your local aming. It's probably a better place to go do it. But I just thought of something was really funny. I remember when the I remember, I went to see a hypnotist in the valley to stop smoking crack, right? So, and, like, the first thing she said was to me, was, oh yeah, aa, doesn't work. And I only just realized when you were talking about your experience, how that probably really affected me, because then I had, like, a real, really early on, before I'd really discovered AA, I had already been told by a doctor who charged me 500 bucks a session, which didn't work, that aa was never gonna work. Wow, I have not thought about that for a minute. So, do you have any other ailments, any other things you work on, any other programs? Me, yeah, yeah, yeah. How's that going? Yeah, um, talking about slow now, right? Yeah, yeah, we get we Yeah, so, slaw is an interesting one for me. Um, so whack a mole, right? Yeah, yeah. Slaw is an interesting one for me. I'm, I guess I'm a, you know, I'm a member of AA. I'm like, you know, I feel like I'm uniquely qualified to help others in Alcoholics Anonymous and like, I found a home there, I found a higher power there, I found a community there. Slaw is different for me, so slaw is one of those things where I'd say I'm more of a tourist, and slaw, there's like a fear of getting healthy around my my sex and love addiction. You know, for me, I think it's less on the side of this is kind of like, what's, what's been opening up for me is it's less on the sex side of things and more so like, like, my heart gets involved, you know, and like, I, you know, I get really, we'll just go there. I get, I get, I get really co dependent. I like, I get involved with a woman. And, you know, before I even talked to her, I'm like, this could be my wife one day. Oh, bro, I've married fucking 100 people this week. In my head, what are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that when it comes to slaw, specifically, just like, a like, I need to have the same desire to get sober and I need, and I guess in my head, the way I justify not really fully engaging myself in slaw is like, well, I don't think that, like I have the same level of desperation, right the way I do with with drugs and alcohol. I don't, I don't flatline from being in love with a guy, feel worse, you know, but like, I don't, I don't flatline. So I'm like, I don't need to take extreme measures to get healthy around my, let's, you know, around my slaw stuff, the same way I would with Alcoholics Anonymous, because when I'm when I'm when I'm trying to get sober after working an eight hour day in a kitchen at a fucking deli, and my sponsors, like you, need to make sure you get your ass to this meeting at 730 where I have a cleanup commitment. I'm riding my bike six miles. And, you know, with 20 minutes to catch this meeting on time and like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do that bike ride, because my life depends on it, right? With slaws a little different. So it's been a little trickier for me to really, like latch on to the slaw program the way I do a I know, but let's talk about a minute. I actually really relate to that, and I'm glad you brought it up as a tourist, because I feel like a tourist in slaw. But here's the reality for me, and this is just my experience. Since I've started to practice these principles in all my affairs, having suffered from both without any solution, now I really practice the principles in all my affairs of AA, my slow stuff comes out in different areas. Again, it's definitely it used to be a lot more sex driven. It's definitely now more caught, more CO dependent, driven. And, you know, I say it all the time. I said it to Chris this morning. I said the cruelest thing Apple ever invented was those three fucking dots of like, when someone's typing back a message and it doesn't write, God, holy shit. Why? Like, whose fucking idea was that? Who thought I got a good idea? I'm just gonna fuck we're gonna. Create this thing, and we're going to give people a fucking heart attack seven times a day, because some broad is like texting me back, and then the text message doesn't come in. Are you disappeared? Disappear and your heart just sinks. So now for the next 24 hours, I'm going to think about what did you want to say? What were you saying? What were you going to write? What did you decide to write out? You wrote it out, then you delete it, and then you didn't send it. Yeah, like, I actually heard something funny. There's, there's a girl I was, I was talking to, and she was all she tells me, she she puts her she'll, like, write out a text in the Notes app and then copy and paste it when she's done, so she can, like, construct it properly without somebody seeing the typing going down. Oh, that's kind of genius. That's genius. Yeah, toxic, I don't know, yeah. Oh, very manipulative. Yeah, exactly. You just don't see any typing and boom, you get hit with pages. How the fuck did that happen? Yeah, that's good, though. But I like to talk about it too, because look, as we get sober and as we address the initial issue, things come up, and we need to work on them. And I like, you know, again, I feel like you like, I am a tourist in slow I don't work slow steps. Me, personally, I do get a lot from going to meetings. I get a lot from talking to brothers like you. But like for me, it is different. It's like for me. And look, I also believe that people can die in slow right? I think that's, that's that's evident, but for me, slow is like a maintenance program. It just aligns me a little bit better. I'm still going to act out wacky, I'm still going to have impulses, but it's something that I want to work on. And in a strange way, to me, circling back to your attraction rather promotion, I get a lot more attraction, rather than promotion from my slow people. It's like, I want to be a better man. How do I become the man on the screen that I want to be? That's what I get from slaw. Yeah, you know what I'm thinking about as you're sharing, and what I'm thinking about is like slaws kind of created this awareness for me that I didn't necessarily, that I was kind of unable to possess prior, I guess you could say where now I am aware of of these certain behaviors, where, like, Hey, I don't really, like, feel good when I'm, like, manipulative or dishonest around my relationship conduct, you know, and that's that's been kind of cool. Where, like, there has been growth, even though, like, I haven't emerged myself in the program, there has been growth just from the awareness, totally, I will say totally. But I would have never have learned about slower if I didn't start going to AA. You know, it's like, there is a there is a solution for a lot of problems. Yeah, should we talk about gambling? Oh, yeah, let's talk about gambling. Okay, how's that for you? I've never stepped into a gambling Anonymous meeting. But I have, I have battled with some some gambling stuff over, over the course of my sobriety, I was a frequent flyer to Las Vegas, Nevada, yeah, I'm not allowed back there, but yeah, to the point where, like, I would have somebody that would, hey, you know, we have these, you know, we have this tower suite awaiting for you free of charge. And you're just like, what free of charge this first time? Like, what free of charge? What a great deal go lose six grand. How the fuck you know, like that would. It's like, these kinds of experiences. And, you know, I got, I got, like, really into poker, where I was playing poker every night of the week, and I could, I could justify it by the the ambiance or the friendships that I created in that environment, my quote, unquote friendships, you know. So that had to be something to where I had to realize, like, Hey, this is not good. This is not like for some reason. Okay, I come from the suburbs of Northern Virginia. I come from a good family. I wind up in the projects, copping drugs, right? I, you know, I'm sober, I'm living a good life. I'm in 12 step programs. I'm like, you know, helping other people. And I'm at a poker game every night till 3am you know, like engaging with, really, like, no, no hate, but like I'm engaging with like people that, like, I normally would not kick it with, like people that that hold different values than I do right then I, you know, be flying to Vegas when, like, it's probably not a good idea for me to go to Vegas because, you know, I have commitments in Los Angeles that I need to be here for, and I just like, you know, would catch myself kind of, like, prioritizing gambling over the rest of my life. So it's funny, it does become a game of Whack a Mole, like you were talking about, where, you know, little things do crop up, like, just because we're sober, and just because we're like, walking this path doesn't mean, like, the flashy things are gonna pop out at us, and we're not gonna have to, like, you know, burn our hand on the stove and be like, Whoa. Like, you know, I need to, I need to take a look at that, and I need to, like, make some changes around that, you know. I think, I think the coolest thing about my sobriety for me has been i. You know, it's like, I heard this guy sharing one time he was like, yeah, like, it's one degree at a time, you know, and like, so over this course of these nine years, it's like making many mistakes, and like learning from them, and like growing. Because I do want to be a better man, you know, I want to be this guy. Like, I have this vision of, like, what kind of it's funny my sponsor, he says it like, he's like, What would James Bond do? Yeah, that's his. That's his thing that, like, works for him. He's like, What would abroad and leave if it's dead? Probably he Yeah. Well, depending what you mean, yeah, what I'm saying the leading man, what? And I think of that too. I think of the leading man on the screen, like, what would these? These, the idea of, like the perfect man, or like the superstar, or the like the guy with values. Like, what would that guy do? Yeah, like, unapologetically himself, and like and like his moral compass. Like, like, he doesn't veer off the path. When it comes to his moral compass, he's like, it's like, This is who I am. This is what I'm about. I'm going to execute the mission. I'm going to carry out the mission. And, like, I think the reason why that's powerful for me is because that's, that's not necessarily James Bond, but it's like, that's what I want to be. Like, I want to be, I want to be this dude that, like, when I'm not in the room, like, people are saying good things about me, yeah, you know, because I want to be somebody that, like, people can count on, somebody that that shows up, somebody that's honest, somebody that, like, you know, is there to help when people are in need. Like, that's really what I want. Like, I want that to be my, my aura, you know, like, I want people to feel that way about me when I'm not in the room, not like, Oh, this guy's, like, extremely selfish. This guy's here for himself. This guy, you know, it's like, no, like, I want to be somebody that like people. Want to be around I want to be somebody that helps others and is unapologetically himself and is authentic. But I would go with you to a Gambler's Anonymous meeting if you wanted a really good one here Sunday night. So, you know, maybe we can, let's just not shoot craps in the parking lot. You know, yeah, they'd be stoked with that. Yeah. Hey, we'll be right back. But before we do, please consider helping us grow this podcast. You could do that a number of different ways. You can hit follow on, Spotify, you can rate us, review us. But what would be really awesome would be if you could share this with one other addict or alcoholic that you think could get something out this podcast. If everyone did that, we would grow this thing tremendously. But as always, thank you for listening and thank you for your support. All right, so we ask every guest this, as we come to a close, what would you say to little Pete today? If you could say anything to him, give him some words of wisdom, some encouragement. You got this. You got this. And just like silence the noise and keep it moving. Thanks for coming in, buddy. Thanks for having me. Appreciate you guys.