From Misfit to Mentor: The Reinvention of Andrew Eaton

Andrew Eaton never quite fit the mold. Raised by a mother immersed in the arts, he grew up in motion—always moving, always searching, never quite landing. Surrounded by beauty and creativity, he still felt like an outsider, like he’d missed the part where life made sense. So he went looking for belonging in the one place it would never last: heroin.

What started as an escape quickly became a death sentence. Andrew's body began to collapse under the weight of addiction—a devastating bone infection nearly ended his life. He was falling apart physically, emotionally, spiritually. And then, finally, he surrendered.

This episode follows Andrew's harrowing fall and breathtaking rise—from a dying addict to a man who now breathes purpose into others. Today, Andrew is a fierce and compassionate coach, guiding young men from the brink of death into the beauty of life. He teaches them not just how to survive—but how to live.

Andrew Eaton is a living reminder that who you were doesn’t have to be who you are. He was broken. Now, he builds. And what he’s building is saving lives.

Sicker Than Others is bought to you by Pink Cloud Coffee. Pink Cloud Coffee is an award-winning coffee company based in Los Angeles with the primary purpose of helping addicts and alcoholics through scholarships and work programs. Sicker Than Others listeners get 10% off their first order. Go to pinkcloudcoffee.com and use promo code sick10 for 10% off any beans or merchandise.

For more information on Beit T’Shuvah please go to www.beittshuvah.org.

For more information on the program of Alcoholics Anonymous go to www.aa.org.

Host: Seb Webber

Engineered and Produced by: Ted Greenberg

Producers: Laura Bagish, Jesse Solomon, and Chris Hendrickson

Executive Producer: Seb Webber

Intro Theme by Rich Daytona

Recorded live at: Beit T’Shuvah, 8831 Venice Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90034.

To reach the production team, please email: seb@magick-arts.com

Transcript

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Pink cloud coffee is an award winning Coffee Company based in Los Angeles with the primary purpose of helping addicts and alcoholics through scholarships and work programs. Sicker than others, listeners get 10% off their first order. Go to pink cloudcoffee.com and use promo code sick 10 for 10% off any beans or merchandise. Sicker than others. Is a podcast on the ups and downs of recovery brought to you from within a treatment center in Los Angeles. This podcast does not reflect the views or opinions of beta shuva or any of its subsidiary businesses or partners sicker than others. Neither speaks for AA or recovery as a whole, but you'll find some useful links on both, if you'd like to find out more information sicker than others, touches on subjects and situations that some listeners might find offensive, or if you're lucky, triggering you have been warned. Hi and welcome to sicker than others. The podcast brought to you from within a treatment center in Los Angeles. Very excited for my guest on today. Andrew, welcome to the show. Hey. How's it going? It's going great, buddy. So you have a great story. I heard you share at the in house meeting we have here Sunday night, 7pm if anybody wants to come down. And I thought, fuck, I gotta get you in. Man, your story is gnarly. So take it from the top. Well, all right, I like to start here. So, you know my, I was born in Florida, Fort, Lauderdale, and my mom, you know she was, you know she, she started off there. She was extremely gorgeous, and she would get married a lot. My mom was super religious and an art dealer. She was an art dealer. But before that, she was always religious. She was very religious. Men always wanted to get her attention, and in order for them to get with her, they she would tell them that they would have to marry her. So she was married like a bunch of times, and she had like three or four husbands before my sister was born, before me, and then, and then I was born, and then she had like 12 other husbands after that, and and so it was 15 fathers in and out of my life. Holy shit. But yeah, so she she What happened was when she met my dad, my dad was an artist, and my mom was trying to kind of figure out what her thing was. She was like, in and out of real estate, and my mom was a really good sales woman, as you can tell with all these these men that she was dealing with and and what she learned was she saw like what my dad did with art, and she's like, I'm gonna do that. And so she, he taught her how to paint, and then she became, like, this oil painter, and, like, built this brand around her, and she would travel all over the US. Yeah, she was successful, right? She's, yeah, you can, you can find her online. You search my name, you'll find her something. But yeah. So she, the way that it was for us when I was young, you know, is like a lot of chaos. We would settle into a location. She would want to get inspiration for paintings. So she would, we would go to, like, you know, remote areas, a lot of, like, very beautiful, like, scenic areas. We lived in Puerto Rico for a year. We lived in the desert, just everywhere, forests, deserts, rainforests, beaches, stuff like that. And, you know, it'd be like, good for a while, because it would, it would be kind of feast or famine. She would do really, really well. And she was terrible with money. And so she would sell, she would like land an art deal and sell a painting for like, 50 grand, and then coast on that money. And then one day I would come home and it's like, you know, she would be in in the in a room, crying, and I'd be like, you know, five and she, she'd call me over and be like, What are we gonna do? And like, as a five year old, you're like, I don't know. I don't know. You don't know how to process stuff like that. But yeah, so basically, the way that it was for me, it was like I was always really had this big imagination, like I would escape in my head, because there was always so much like conflict at home. It was like my mom and my dad were fighting, or my mom and my sister were fighting, and I was always like, I just wanted to have fun all the time, and and I got really good at, like, disassociating and going into fantasy world in my head. And so I would get really into art. I was super obsessive about anything I enjoyed from, like, a young age, oh yeah, I had an addictive personality from the goes, like, anything that gave me that, that escape, it was something that I went all the way in on. I didn't know. I didn't understand how people would ever want to stop doing the things that they enjoyed. Like I wanted to stay up all night all the time with whatever it was. It could be candy, video games, just hanging with friends, like I do sleepovers. And they would be like, it's time to go to bed. And I'd be like, What are you talking about? We're having so much fun. Why would you want to go to sleep right now? And yeah, so that's kind of what the early childhood was like. And one of the things that I like to talk about when it comes to that, it's like the way that my life was, it was, like, we would set up shop somewhere. I would start building a future. I would get like, a group of friends, and like, you know, a stepdad would be in the picture, and I'd get like, a level of, like, normal life, and then like, a BPD episode would hit for my mom or something, and then, like, all of a sudden, like, everything would fall apart, and then an eviction notice would hit the door, and she's like, we got to get out of here, and we would pack our bags, and then I'm getting a divorce. And then it was like, everything just seemed temporary all the time. So it's like, by the time I traveled through the US, and then I settled in LA, and that's where I've lived ever since, basically, other than, like, maybe one or two small stints somewhere else. And yeah, I settled in LA, I was like, people, like family, everything was temporary, because I My experience was always that, like, things came and went, you know, so I never liked to get too close to anyone or anything. But, yeah, basically I my mom was obsessed with, like, fame and fortune and, like, royalty and stuff. So she was, like, even though we didn't have the money, and you're at Beverly Hills High, right? I went to Beverly high, yeah, yeah. So that's being the poor kid at Beverly high, it was very, yeah, it was really hard. And, you know, it's like, I always, I was always so sensitive to and it was like, before I went to Beverly, I went to this, I didn't tell you this in the story, but before I went to Beverly, my sister really wanted to go to this French school called Lilly, say Francaise, where my daughter goes. Oh, really, yeah, so I went to Lisa. Oh, you did, yeah, I went to Lisa for a short period of time, and my best friend was, like, the coolest, richest kid, at least say, and like, I was the poor kid, and he would always make sure that I knew that I was a poor kid. And I was always, like, put down by my best friend when I was in school. This was like, you know, before middle school, I can this is just a hot topic. I can tell you, I can tell you how it feels to be the fucking parent of that shit. I just this weekend, I went to a Lisa birthday party in like, a $30 million Palisades house. And I'm like, if you ever want to feel like shit, go to another kid's birthday party with like, there's a life guard and there's security guards. And I'm like, Hey, Stella, better be happy with your party at shaky this year. You know, it was like, Dude, I get it, that school is intimidating, great school, but it's intimidating. Yeah, it was, I mean, my sister had it was, like, it was kind of like night and day, because my sister had this great experience. She got in with the popular kids and Lisa, and then I was like, the dumbest, poorest kid in school. And I remember one of the things, like this huge childhood trauma that I had from being at least, say was, like, they had this huge reward ceremony, award ceremony, or whatever, and everyone got a certificate about, like, performing well, and I was the only kid in the school that didn't get that his certificate. So, like, everyone got it, it was because I couldn't learn French. I just could not learn French. Yeah, and yeah. So I was, I always like, when I went, when I left there, and my my dad was like, I'm done paying for this private school. I'm sending him to public school. And so I went to Beverly high. And you know, when I went there, I like, transferred with this idea that I was, like, extremely stupid, you know, yeah, because that was what I had learned, at least say, was that, like, I was weird, didn't fit in, like, and then I was stupid. And really, that kind of stuck with me all throughout my life. And it wasn't until, like, I got sober that I even started to realize that my mind just works differently, like I'm extremely intelligent in so many ways, and my mind just works differently, and I just don't really function well with school. And I never have I tried to go back to school when I got sober. So yeah, transferred to, sorry. Am I talking too much? No, no, I'll shut you up if we need to. Don't worry. So I transferred to Beverly high. And, you know, well, I transferred to Beverly Vista, which is like the middle school attached to Beverly high. And, you know, I had a really great life, starting off in Beverly Hills. It was like, even though I was like the poor kid in Beverly Hills, it was like, there was other poor kids. You know, I wasn't the only one, and then we had these cool experiences with the rich kids, and, like, everyone intermingled really well. And, yeah, you know, in high, in middle school, I was, like, just really into video games and skateboarding and doing art, and that was the stuff that I did. And was really big in my hobbies, honestly, like as a kid, before I got into drugs, I was way cooler than I am now. Like I had so many hobbies. I would like make my own posters. Both my parents were artists. I was really into sculpting. I got into graffiti, like I was doing all kinds of stuff, like I was really wanting to get into music and all this stuff. You know? What happened was, you know, graduated middle school, I went to high school. Yeah, and I'll just tell a little story, because it's random and it's whatever. But I was, like, really obsessed with this girl who was older than me, and she was friends with one of the Barrymores, like this, this, this, this one of the sons of, like, the Barrymore family. So I was, like, really getting into music. And I had this guitar that my dad had got me, and I was playing it, and I had, like, a teacher that was coming, and then Drew Barrymore, his nephew. I won't like, name names, but he stole the guitar and then joined the army. And that was, like, I was like, I guess I'm not going to be a musician anymore. That was it. So, yeah. So basically, my high school experience, like, I had a really great time, like I got into the popular crowd, even though it's like something about me and it's still that way to this day, like I have such an intense mind where it just has this tendency to, like, outcast me in so many ways, like it's always going, like I care so much about what people think, My my mind races on every little thing. It's like, I, I, I have a tendency. It's like, I get overwhelmed, because I'm kind of the type of person because of the way my family life was, where I want to solve everyone, everyone's problems, like, I want everyone to be okay, and so, like, when I spend time with a bunch of people, I tend to, like, take everyone's problems on, you know, and what'll happen is I'll get overloaded and then short circuit. So I was, like, really raw and vulnerable as a kid, like I had this really big heart. I just wanted to have fun all the time. I was super sensitive. You know, there was obviously bullies and stuff that I was dealing with here and there. I just had all these intense, intense emotions. And so when I smoked weed for the first time, you know, it wasn't like, the craziest experience I remember I did it. I just liked the, like, even before the weed, like, that girl that I was really obsessed with gave me a cigarette, yeah? And I, like, really liked the feeling of just smoking a cigarette because I knew I wasn't supposed to be doing it. Yeah. I think, I think all of our first drugs experience or drinking experience have nothing to do with us wanting to do it. It's probably 99% other people doing it. Yeah, we want to feel like we're a part of 100% I was trying to kid wakes up and goes. I really want to smoke my first joint today by myself in my bedroom. You know what? I mean, it's like a kind of, like a weird rite of passage. It's like, I'm cool. Exactly other people are doing it. Yeah, I get that. And that's what it was all about. I mean, that's what it's been all about for a long time. Is just like, wanting people to like me, wanting to be cool, like I really wanted to be cool and but you went pretty gnarly, pretty young. I mean, you started with weed, but I went intense, yeah, I went super. We'll go, we'll go into that now. So it's like, smoked weed. And the way that my life was, when I was a kid, it was like, everyone I was in high school with was all they were all criminals, like, from like, pre teen criminals, like we would they we, if we wanted a party, we would go to the Ralphs, and then we would bring in a shopping cart and we'd fill it up with alcohol and then run out. And that we did that with everything. We did that with, like, spray, spray paint, and whatever we were doing, like, we would just go in and, like, fill, like, Pile it in with as much as we could and run out. And that's why I feel like they started putting those like sneaky cops, like the, whatever they're called, you know, they're like, pedestrian looking people that, like, watch, watch people coming in. It was because my friends were stealing all the cough medicine and all of the alcohol bottles and everything, so they, like, placed these, like, fake, yeah, rent a couple. Rent a cops undercover, rent a cup. So, yeah, basically, you know, the way I was it was, like, I started drinking and smoking weed and I was skating and, like, I was just always balls to the wall. I was like, I didn't want to, like, tiptoe into, like, getting drunk, like, I wanted to fill the tall glass all the way to the top and chug it, and I wanted to get as fucked up as possible right away. And I was that way with everything. It was like, for me, it was like, What's the point of doing this, if I'm not getting absolutely obliterated? And, you know, by the time I was like, 14, I was hooked on meth in school. Like, my neighbor, yeah, my neighbor was like, you know, he was this, like, really shitty, like, high school drug dealer, and he started selling meth. And he was like, live right below me, and he fronted me a gram of meth. And he's like, pay me back in three days. And I was like, okay, yeah, I'll pay you back in three days. And I don't know whether I was planning on paying him back or not. I have no idea. But like, the next day, I remember, it was like less. It was like, less than 24 hours. I pull into the back of the house with my with my mom, and, like, we get out of the garage, and there's this little alley between, like, our places, his and mine. And I like, get out of the car, and I walk there, and next thing I know, like, I'm being jumped by three guys in front of my mom. They're like, where's our fucking money? Can I cuss? Yeah, okay, okay, good, yeah. Like, where's our fucking money? And they like, kick the shit out of me in front of my mom. And so I'm all heated. I remember, like, the whole neighborhood was. In front of my house for some reason. So everyone saw me get my ass kicked, and I, like, ran upstairs, and I was like, I'm gonna kick their ass back. And I, like, went and I grabbed a golf club or something stupid, and I like, run down to find them, and they're gone. And so I my best friend went to another school. He was, like, in Culver City, and at the time in LA it was, like, back in like, 2000 or something at the time, like every neighborhood was gang neighborhood. So it was like, There's Beverly Hills, and then Culver City had, like a gang. And the Venice had a gang. Even Santa Monica had a gang, like Korean gang in K town. So like, we were in the center of, like, all of these gang territories. My best friend lived in Culver City, and his neighbor was, like, a good buddy of mine. I would come and smoke weed with him. He thought I was, like, the funny, like, Red Headed skater kid from Beverly Hills, and he always wanted to smoke me out. So I'm like, I'm gonna go talk to Frank, who was a gang member. And like, I go and tell Frank, and I'm like, Yeah, this piece of shit kicked my ass in front of my mom. And he's like, Don't worry, dog, we're gonna get him. So I set up this, like it was that night. He was like, I'm gonna call my brother and we're gonna get this guy. So, like, it's me, and like, my two, like, Pimply face, skinny, like white, skinny skater friends, and then these two, like gang bangers. And I like, go to the house. And I like, I go to his balcony, and I'm like, his name was tiny. I was like, hey, tiny, come outside, and he sees me. He's like, What? What do you want? And so he comes down and he has this butcher knife, and he puts it to my throat. He doesn't see I'm with anyone. And he's like, where's my fucking money? And I was like, smiling, like, without even saying anything, because I know I'm like, you're screwed, and these guys come out from the alley saying all this gang lingo, and, like, he got so scared he, like, threw the butcher knife, ran into his neighbor's house, and it turned into this whole thing, which was, like, the first time I ever got arrested. And honestly, like, when I tell the story, it's kind of a turning point, because before that, I had never gotten in trouble. Like I'd always been able to hop on my skateboard and get away from my problems, but as soon as this happened, like I was getting arrested every year. So basically, like, the two gang members were running around the neighborhood. They were yelling, like gang lingo, they were saying, like, we're gonna kill you and your whole family. And they were chasing around the police department is like, two blocks away, Beverly Hills. They chase him into his neighbor's house, and like, he gets in his neighbor's house and, like, closes the door, and the gang members literally start kicking the door in. And there's a whole family inside, like the mom was holding the door. Oh, shit. And so basically, like, I have no idea what's going on. I'm on, like, Xanax and Vicodins, meth and meth, and all of a sudden, like helicopters in the sky, the police are swarming the whole scene, like Frank, who's the gang member. He just immediately drops to his knees because he's like, a pro. He's like, Okay, I don't, I don't do that. And I run and, like, I run poorly, and then I get the shit kicked out of me, but for the first time by the police, oh, yeah, you know, I got arrested, and I, like, got in jail. And the first scene was like, I'm in the I'm on the county bus, like, going to LA County. And I look, and there's, like, people would write their gang tags on the bus, but some of them would be written in blood. Like, cut their finger, and they'd write it in blood, and the first thing I see is this guy, like, licking the blood off the wall, oh God, in the car, I mean, in the van or whatever. And I was like, oh my god, what have I done? Yeah, I get, I get in there. 10,000 I went to this twin towers. I've been there, yeah? I mean, I got processed. I went in there. So much, man, but I got processed in and it honestly, like, for me, it was like, what you said, like a rite of passage. It was like, I'm I'm like, hardcore now, you know, I'm this gang kid. And, like, I got in and out. I think in 24 hours, my mom, like, got this attorney who had been on my side the whole time that I was getting loaded. It was like a family friend. His name was Peter Connect. He died like he had died on my last case that I had, and when he died, like, that's the reason why I got screwed. Otherwise he would have gotten me out of it, you know, I got processed, and it was like this was kind of the beginning of the end. So like, before this experience happened, you know, I always felt like there was this, like protector guarding me. Like I always felt like I was completely invincible. I felt like I had no consequences. I always felt like there was a white light, kind of protecting me and guiding me through all these experiences. But as soon as I got arrested, it was like the veil was lifted, and all of a sudden I was living in darkness. It just gradually escalated from one substance to another, and it worked its way up. And I was telling the story in the in the meeting was like, I had this experience where my friends all started doing Oxycontin, and my friend would, like, he had this tendency where whatever drug he was doing, he would like, eat half of it and then throw the other half on the floor. And so I always loved going to his house, because I'm like, I never know what kind of drugs I'm gonna find on Jesse's floor. Work, you know? And I would like, I found this pill and I ate it, and it was an Oxycontin. I had this horrible reaction to it, where I was trying to drive home, and I was so fucked up that the road was splitting, and it literally took me three days to get home. I was like, throwing up out the window. I was so, so fucked up. And after I did that, I was like, I must be allergic to painkillers, you know? And so I was like, I can never do painkillers. So I was just like, smoking weed and doing mushrooms and like, occasional pills and Xanax and stuff like that, and drinking. And then, like, my buddies started to get into heroin. And it was like, everyone was smoking heroin on tin foil, and everyone, everyone was like, literally everyone. It's what it felt like. Let me reference everyone, yeah, everyone's Yeah, everyone was smoking heroin at least in 2006 of Beverly high, except of everybody, except none of your neighbors in Beverly Hills, just you and you. Those people don't count, though. No, no, no. So yeah, smoking, everyone's smoking heroin. I try it and like, that was the moment that I had the experience where it was like all that stuff from childhood, where it was like I always felt like I didn't fit in, like I always had this extreme anxiety in my chest, like I had these emotions swirling up inside of me, all these racing thoughts and all these insecurities and fears about the world, and it's like I smoked that heroin and like everything went away. You know? It was the only time I had ever had that experience where, like, my mind fully shut off, and I knew, like I was only going to do that because it was like the feeling of relief that I got from that was better than anything else that I had ever done, you know, yeah, it's a weird thing when you find the drug. I also am a real big component. I really believe you find the drugs you need, yeah, right? If you really think about people's loves and their drugs, that kind of, when you start to hear what they're into and they're put, you know, their personality, it kind of a lot of things make sense, like meth for me, but yeah, you find the you find the drugs you fucking need, and it's not, I guess it's like, it's not that the things go away is that it's a switch that gets turned on that we don't give a fuck. Yeah, that's what happened. You know, I just don't give a fuck about any of this anymore. You know, I always cared so much. I know me too, sensitive kid even now. I mean, even now, it's a guy, you know, when you get sober, you gotta, you gotta face your emotions. You gotta, you gotta face your well, it's like they say, when you relapse, you you, you pick up where you left off. But I also think when you stop using, you kind of pick up where you left off before you started using. Yeah, you know, 100% right? Just a fucking sensitive soul with a lot of feelings over it, yeah, you know, yeah. It's crazy how it goes both ways. It's like, I know one of the things I know it's like, even though it's been eight years since I've done any drugs, I know that, like, if I made the decision to do it again, I would, like, I would it would be like it had never stopped in a matter of weeks or two weeks. You know, I just every experience I had before that shows that to me, there's no doubt in my mind that, like, I can't do drugs, and so you were shooting heroin, right? I was, yeah, yeah. So I was smoking it at first, and, you know, it was, like, it was like, kind of innocent at first. And I was always like, I'm going to never shoot heroin, right? Like, that's a line. Like, I always had these lines that I would never cross until someone teaches you, until someone teaches me. And the experience I had was like one of my friends who was not, you know, I don't normally say this, but he was not really a good person at all. He was not, but he was living at my house for a period of time, and I had, I had no heroin, and I was really, really sick. And he goes, Well, I have heroin. He's like, if you want it, though, you got to shoot it up. And I said, No. And I resisted for a couple of days. But like, after a period of time, I kept getting more and more sick, and like, I caved on the third day, and then I shot it up. And like, I was like, This is great. Like, Why was I so resistant to this. This is so much better. Now flash forward. If you go forward, it's like, by the end of my run, like I blew out every vein in my body, like my neck, my groin, like I had deteriorated all the muscles in my shoulders and my ass, like I had I was getting continuous abscesses and, like, literally draining them myself. Oh, I wasn't even going, I like, would go to the hospital for a period of time. And then I was like, I could just do this at home. So I just started to do everything at home. So yeah, I was like, it got really dark, really fast. I was hooked on heroin, probably when I was 18, and I got sober when I was 27 and the experience that I had through that it was like, I don't know, there was just so much pain and suffering. It was like, there was no more fun, man, like I didn't have fun. It was always like, bottom feeding, crawling, trying to get what I need, constantly struggling, constant like, pain and suffering. Like, always seeing, like, always disappointing my family, everyone. One started to, like, give up on me, you know, and you fucked your body up pretty bad, right? Yeah. Like, really bad, yeah. So when I was 20, when I was 20, I was like, you know, been shooting up for two years, and I was not safe with the way that I was doing drugs. So, you know, they had needle exchanges and stuff that was just like starting to become accessible. But before that, like, I was using really nasty shit to get high. So I got really, really sick one day, and I thought it was cotton fever. It was like a consequence of shooting. You want to explain what cotton fever is? Yes, I don't think we've had that come up on the show yet. Yeah. So cotton fever, it's basically, like, you have a cotton swab for your heroin that filters out, like, the bad stuff and the drugs. Well, it something gets through, through the cotton. It gets into the shot, and then you shoot it up and, like, Whatever, whatever happens with that. Once it gets into your blood, you get extremely sick, and nothing you do gets you better, and you have to wait till it flushes out of you. There's, like, literally, bits of cotton, yeah, they get into it gets into your blood, and that's why they call it cotton fever. I thought it was that, which is something that's pretty temporary. It like will flow through you and you'll be fine after a certain amount of time. But days and days went by and I was not getting better. I was getting worse. So like all my friends, started to get really worried, and they were like, We need to get you the hospital. But I had been bedridden the whole time, and so they were like, We got to get you out of bed. So they tried to get me out of bed, but I had this excruciating pain in my hip, and I could not walk, and they had to carry me to the car. And like, the level of pain I was experienced was beyond experiencing was beyond anything I had ever had before. And they got me into the car, and they drove me to the hospital, and it was like they scanned my body in the hospital, and they're like your entire body is infected, like every inch of your body is infected, like the blood in my body got infected. And so what happened was I had something called endocarditis, which is a really deadly heart infection. It latches onto your right bacteria latches on your right heart valve. It grows and it spreads the infection through your blood, and it kills you really fast. So I was forced to stay in the hospital for months. I was doing like treatments, antibiotic treatments. And, you know, obviously this was the first time that my family had found out that I was on heroin. And, I mean, it was like a huge shock. It was like, my my mom found out first, and like, my grandma found out, oh, my grand grandson's sick. So she drove all the way from the East Coast, like she did a road trip to come see me in the hospital, just to find out I was a heroin addict. No, you know, I don't know that was kind of that first experience that I had, where the remorse and shame of the next morning. You know, I had some of that smaller but it was, like one of the biggest moments that I've had, just disappointed everyone to a level of which I had never experienced before. Yeah, it's like that point where you get where, like, you realize that none of your junkie Jive is going to work on anyone because they all know, yeah, it's all out in the open for every lie, yeah, but every lie that you've maybe still got backed up, or every exit plan gone, it's crazy now, like, as a sober man who takes guys through the steps he's done a lot of work on himself, it's like there's these alcoholic behaviors that I work on with my sponsees. And it's like the alcoholic behaviors are just as reactive as the drugs and alcohol themselves. It's like I have an alcoholic reaction to dishonesty. You know, I spin this web of lies, and it grows and grows and grows. And I have an allergic reaction to it, where I can't stop myself from doing it once I engage in it. So it's like, I I've experienced it in sobriety, where, you know, someone will tell me something, and they'll be like, hey, Andrew, do you want to go, like, get dinner right now? Oh, I can't. Like, my mom needs me, you know? So I say this little white lie, and the next thing I know, anytime anyone's asking me anything, all of a sudden, I'm telling these little white lies. And then it starts bleeding into my relationship with my girlfriend, and then, like, I'm lying about everything. And it spirals out, and it becomes this huge thing where my problems pile up on me, yeah, and then it self destructs. And that's like, exactly what happened when I was in the hospital, yeah, tell the truth. It's the easiest thing to remember. It is I've learned that I have to continuously learn it over and over again, because the truth is, is I like the effects produced by dishonesty, because it gets me the things I want, but like the end result is that my problems pile up on me and self destruct, essentially. So if I could avoid that and just be honest, then you know, I will avoid much larger problems, like what I was dealing with. My addiction from this point was like, very, very dark and pathetic, what my life looked like. It was like I got out of the hospital. They sent me home with this PICC line, which is like an IV that feeds into your heart. They did that because, like, I had no good veins anywhere. So the only one I had was, like, the main one that they had to, like, literally, get an ultrasound machine to find. And so they sent me home with that. And they were like, if you do heroin anymore, you're gonna die. And I was like, Well, great. And. And I was just continuously shooting heroin into this IV that was like saving my life as I was feeding antibiotics into it. And my mindset was like, Oh, I can be really unsafe right now, because the antibiotics are just going to kill the bacteria as it goes into my body. So the thing about the infection in my heart was the doctors didn't know that the infection had settled into the bone in my hip. So that's called osteomyelitis. And so every year, the infection would re spread through my body. And I thought it was just the heroin I was doing was reinfecting me, and then I was prone to it. But the the truth was that there was an infected bone in my body that, like, after enough time, would would become un dormant and wake up and spread the infection. And it got to the point where, like, I would look forward to the hospital visits, because, like, I was struggling so much to get what I needed, at least in the hospital, I was, like, getting fed and taken care of. And so like, that cycle was going on, like, the whole period of time, for seven years, and then this guy kept calling me on the phone. I didn't know who it was. And he kept calling me. And he was like, hey, Andrew, you ready to get sober today? I was like, Who the fuck are you? Like, and then I would just hang up on him, and then he the next day, hey, Andrew, how about today? You ready to get sober? And I'd be like, stop calling me, man, like, click, every day. How about today? How about today? And then he doesn't call me on, like, the worst day, you know, like, I had no, no, I had nothing. I'd run out of, all my money, all the people I was with were gone. Like, I was, like, really dirty and, like, no shoes. I'm like, Well, what about that guy? Like, why isn't he calling me? So I call him back, and he like, right away. He's like, You ready? And I was like, I might be ready. So he's like, All right, come to your mom's house in Malibu. Turns out that this guy was hooking up with my mom's roommate. So I get to the house the rehab van, I saw it pull up, it was the middle of the night in Malibu, and I see the lights, and then, like, the fight or flight kicks in. And I was like, I got to get out of here. My mom knows immediately, probably because my eyes lit up. And she runs the door to like, stop me, and I push her out of the way, and find it in me to like, defy science and learn to run again. And I make it to this step, and I'm like, sitting on the step, and I have this spiritual experience, this moment of clarity I could see my entire life in a way of which I had never seen before, where it was like, you know, all of the people that I had relied on, and how, like, eventually they went away, I could see my future. And I was like, I'm just getting sicker, more pathetic, like, more more damaged. My body's getting more damaged. And I, like, had this moment where, like, I saw my life in a way of which I had never seen before, and I realized that, like, everything was like a house of cards, like it could come down at any moment. And then I saw, like, this path, of which I had never even considered going down before. And like, the path was like, Okay, well, what if I actually try to get better, you know? And that path was really scary when I saw it, but I was like, I had this moment in me where I just surrendered, you know, and I told myself. I was like, if they find me, like, I'll go to treatment. Yeah. I love that conditions. It was a condition, yeah? But the truth was is, like, of course you're gonna find me. Like, like, I told you guys I ran, but I probably did not run very far, like, it's a really bad job running. So I feel like this happened, like very in a short span of time, and they found me, and I drove to treatment, and like I had no idea that that night, whether I knew it or not, my obsession had been lifted to drugs and alcohol. Because it was like, no matter what I did, no matter where I went, like it was all I could think about. You know, I was at, I was at the Claire Foundation, and I had all these cases over my head, and I knew if I did drugs, that I was going to go to jail for like, a year or longer, and someone brought in heroin, and, like, it was, like the hand of the devil was pulling me towards it, like I like, as soon as I knew it was there, It was all I could think about, you know, and didn't matter what the consequences were like when I saw it, like I had to get it that was taken from me that night in Malibu. So, like, I didn't have that obsession, and I didn't even realize that it was gone until, like, three or four months into my sobriety, I walked in there, and I walked in there this really, like, broken, insecure kid, and I just felt so worthless and like I had never accomplished anything in my life, and I just didn't know anything I liked, like I was this clean slate, which is honestly, like a beautiful place to be, greatest place to be. I just didn't know the only place to be. It's the best. I talked to my sponsees about it all the time. It's like, Yeah, me too. You become a like, when you're the student, like, the possibilities are endless. Once you become the teacher, it's like you stop learning, you know, and it's and it's like the student mind is super malleable. And at that time, it was like, I knew nothing. And, you know, I that kid walking into the treatment center. Was like, my inner child, you know, because he's just like, so so confused and scared and misunderstood and just so sensitive and like, just didn't know what he was capable of. And like, every time I get a new year of sobriety, like, I think about that kid and what he would feel like if he knew the man that he would become. You know, it's like, so scared and insecure. I couldn't look people in the eyes like, I felt like I didn't fit in, but I wanted to so much, because what I saw was like light for the first time. You know, I'd been living in this darkness where everything I saw in the world was negative. You know, if I saw a family, I'm like, That poor kid growing up in the world. Like, if I saw a couple, I was like, they're gonna split up, where he's cheating on her, or whatever. Like, I didn't see that there's two coins to the world. There's two sides to the world. There's a light side and a dark side. And I was living in the dark side for a really long time, and like, I had seen the light side for the first time, and I saw people in this program that were smiling and laughing, that were attractive, they wanted to be a part of it, but I didn't feel like I could. But for some reason, I stayed, because I had had this spiritual experience, like I was whether I knew it or not, I was on a mission. And was it hindsight? Was it a hindsight spiritual experience? Was it like an in the moment? It was a hindsight spiritual experience? That's how my wine came to that's what I was saying, is like I didn't even realize that had happened until I had four or five months, exact same amount. It was like, one day I woke up and I was like, I haven't thought about getting high this whole time, like it had not even registered in my head until four or five months had passed. But you know when I started telling my story, like, I know that that's a spiritual experience, because the moment of clarity is so described in my mind, I was just like, this exemplary, like, rehab kid, you know, so broken, damaged, and I had all this trauma, and I was like, so tormented, and I had, like, the notebooks, and I was just like scribbling, like, Please help me, God, over and over again. Like, I had so much desperation. And the great thing about that, that though, is when you talk about that, we like to think that we're unique, but there's actually nothing unique about it, yeah? No, just like, we're just like everybody else. You know, I like to remind my sponsors that your story is your own story, but, homie, you ain't unique. Yeah, we've all got a version of this, but one thing I really like about you is that you help a lot of people now. Yeah, and you're a big part of LBh. You wanna give a quick shout out to what LBh is, absolutely yeah, so LBh, it's stands for the little beach house. It's a men's program. And I think I've had all three of you wanted this. Yeah? You've had Mike and Aaron, yeah, yeah. Theron, my business partner, we got sober together. He was one of the guys that was in the sober living attached the program I went to. But you know, the experience that I have with the beach house is it's, it's gotten me closer to service. You know, one of the things I struggled with, with with the steps, was the 12 step, yep, but working with these guys at the house has kind of given me a new love and appreciation for the work. And I've gone way deep into the 12 Seb. And they need that. Yeah, they need, I think it's when you when you're I think if I to sum up what sober livings, or what treatment really gives people outside of sobriety, is community, yeah, right, it's kind of like the biggest thing we're all aching for, yeah, you know. And I see you do that, and I think I'm super impressed by the guys. I mean, you get some real difficult guys that come through your house too. I spend a lot of time, you know. You definitely get, I think, and I don't want to generalize, but kids that have a kind of a similar story to like, they've had it hard, you know what I mean, and they've gone through a lot, and I've met a lot of the kids that you work with, and they are kids, I'm not going to name any names, but you've got some young kids as well. Yeah, young. I mean, we're talking teens like, and I'm always super fucking impressed how much time you guys, like, surround these fucking children, you know, and what a fucking opportunity to help these kids turn into fucking men. Like, it's pretty like, just as a bystander, they are me. It's fucking great to watch. So hey, we ask every guest this as we come to the end of the show, what would you tell little Andrew today, if you could have a little put your arm around him, give him some words of wisdom. What would you say that's super meaningful? I would say to just be kinder to yourself and like, just believe in yourself a little more. Fuck yeah, yeah. And don't talk to any girl school Maria, yeah and don't do hero, yeah and don't do heroin. Thanks for coming today, dude, of course. Thanks.