I Can Faith That!
How to go from a stressful and anxious life to one filled with self-care, faith and self-love.
I Can Faith That!
EP 06 | How 'Love Is Blind' Highlights The Problems With Dating Today: Are Single People Doomed?
Ever wondered what really makes "Love is Blind" such a fascinating social experiment? It's because of the fact that we can see ourselves within the contestants. They mirror our own insecurities, struggles and concerns with dating. Whether you have watched the show or not, this episode is definitely one to listen to. Dating is a mess these days and all of us who are single unfortunately have to deal with it. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this candid chat about the complexities of human connection.
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Hey guys, it is Trish. Welcome to the I Can Faith that podcast. If you are new here, welcome. So I have been on vacation, y'all. That's why I am glowing, I am smiling, I am cheesing. Okay, I have been on vacation. Your girl has been maxing and relaxing, like I've been practicing self-care, and I've really just been enjoying this time to myself.
Speaker 1:Part of what I've also been doing is binge watching. Binge watching Netflix shows, y'all I love Love is Blind. So there's there's some shows that I really enjoy watching. Bridgerton is one of them. I just I really love watching Bridgerton and I really love watching Love is Blind. Love is Blind is my show. I love it so much. Uk, baby, that is my jam. Okay, that is my jam. I love love, love. Did I say love? Let me say it one more time Love, love is blind. Uk.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it's just me. I'm sure other people are like this. I think what fascinates me so much about love is blind is not necessarily the drama. Like I don't really care for drama, you know what I mean. Like I don't want to necessarily the drama, like I don't really care for drama, you know what I mean. Like I don't want to see people get hurt. I don't want to see people disrespected. I don't want to see people played. I'm not interested in things like that. I don't know. Like, I am just so fascinated and so intrigued by the human experience. For me it's just fascinating to see people dating in like real time. Like it's so interesting to me and I am so intrigued by human behavior why people do what they do. It's like I'm a fly on the wall. It's just it's like being a fly on the wall, being able to observe and like watch people Peopling is love is blind, kind of like a sample size of the real world. You know what I mean. Like when I watch the characters, I'm like, okay, these, these types of characters keep showing up over and over and over, and is it just kind of like indicative of the type of people that are actually out there in the dating world in real life? Well, first I guess let me explain Love is Blind to those of you who probably have never seen the show right.
Speaker 1:Love is Blind is kind of like a social experiment. Seen the show right. Love is Blind is kind of like a social experiment, not even kind of it literally is a social experiment. It is interesting, it is a reality TV show, I don't know 12 to 16 guys and they take 12 to 16 ladies and they have them date each other. There's these things called pods and the pods. There's the male pods and the female pods and there's a bunch of pod rooms right and it's separated by a wall, and so the guys and the girls can hear each other when they're in the pod dating one another, but they cannot see each other. And the whole point of the social experiment is to see if love is really blind. Can you fall in love with someone without ever seeing them? And so these guys and these girls all date each other.
Speaker 1:In the beginning of the experiment, the dates are pretty short, right. They're like seven to 10 minutes long, and people are just kind of like it's kind of like speed dating, right. If you both say you have a connection with each other, then you continue on to date each other. And if you have a connection with someone but they don't have a connection with you, then that's it Like the dating like you no longer date that person, the dating like you no longer date that person. And eventually people will narrow it down to one or two connections. And as the pool narrows down, the dates get longer and longer and so in the end, people are having like dates that are like four, five, seven hours long.
Speaker 1:If two people feel like they've fallen in love with each other, then a proposal happens. Once the proposal happens, the following day is when they finally get to see one another. So you propose, or you get proposed, to, like you become engaged before ever freaking. Seeing each other Like that is so interesting, it's fascinating to me. And then when they see each other, then there's a five day period in which they go to like a foreign country and they live together in a villa with the other couples that matched like that are engaged as well, and they spend five days in the villa. And then, after five days, then they go back to their hometown and spend about two to three weeks living together in an apartment. And here's the thing up until the point that they're living together in the apartment, they have access to nothing, not their family, not their friends, no television, no radio, no social media, not their phones, nothing, not their phones, nothing. Like all they're doing is focusing on dating and finding their future husband and their future wife, like that's it. And then, after like two to three weeks of being in the real world together. They have to decide if they want to get married or not, and they have to decide it on their wedding day in front of their wedding guests. That's when they either say I do or I don't Like.
Speaker 1:It is such a crazy concept of a show, but I it. It is. When I tell you social experiment on a thousand. It is insane and I am just so intrigued. So there are three main characters that I keep seeing coming up on the show and I'm wondering if this is indicative of like the real world and what people like the top three people that you'll see in the real world.
Speaker 1:So the first group of people, in no particular order, but like what I notice, is the first group of people who go on that show. They're so obnoxious and it seems like they have no clue what show they applied for. They are so superficial, they are so judgmental, they're just so judgy and it's just like why did you apply for this? And I think that the only thing that makes sense to me is that they just want to be famous like. They just want like fame. But here's the thing there has to be a level of social like ineptness I don't even know if that's a word, I think it is. I might have made that up, but I'm gonna continue use it anyway, regardless of if it's made up or not, cause I do stuff like that. But there has to be a level of social ineptness that you have to have to think that you can go on a show and be obnoxious and that like it's okay. And what shocks me and intrigues me about it is afterwards.
Speaker 1:These people will really be surprised that there's backlash from, like, the public. They're really shocked that their behavior and their obnoxiousness and like them being mean girls and them just being like really disrespectful, really rude. They're so shocked that it wasn't well received. In the dating world you come across people like that, but I've always thought that like they understood that they're jerks and they're just okay with it. But when I tell you on this show, these people will really be surprised, like they will really be so shocked at, like the backlash that they receive from being jerks. And it just makes me wonder if there are people that are really out there dating not realizing that being mean is not okay. Are people so unaware? It is so fascinating. I'm telling you guys this social experiment. If you are interested in psychology and like the human mind and human behavior and human interaction and human relationships with one another, this show is intriguing. It's like it's crazy.
Speaker 1:The second group of people that I'm seeing on this show in multiple seasons and it's multiple characters that I'm fascinated by are people who swear up and down that they are so ready to be married. Like the whole point of the show is you are supposed to leave with a husband, you are supposed to leave with a wife. These people will come on the show, okay, and in the beginning they'll be on some. Like you know, the dating pool is a hot mess express. And I'm on the show because I am tired of, like, dealing with douchebags and I'm tired of dealing with just the disgustingness that is the dating world and I am ready for my wife and I am ready for my husband. And you're like, yeah, like I'm rooting for you, like I'm rooting for you, sis, I'm rooting for you, bro, like you gonna meet your partner and then they start dating and I'm like what made you think that you are ready to be married, sir ma'am? Like you really thought in your head that you're ready to be married. Like you have so much.
Speaker 1:People will go on the show with ridiculous trust issues and be like, yeah, I'm ready to be married, I'm ready to be a wife. Are you sure about that? Like huh, are you sure? Are you certain? Or people will go on the show with severe insecurity issues, not just regular insecurity that we all experience. I'm talking about the type of insecurity that is so unhealthy. Like I'm constantly checking myself right, like I believe in self-checking and checking yourself on a regular basis and really like analyzing whether you are prepared for something or not.
Speaker 1:I just can't see myself being at the level of emotional, like fragility that some of the people on the show have and really being disillusioned enough to believe that I'm ready for marriage. It is fascinating, it is so intriguing to me. I'm telling you, if you love psychology I'm going to keep saying it over and over throughout this episode If you love psychology, this show, this show, is so amazingly intriguing. I'm telling you. It is, it's so good.
Speaker 1:And then there's a third group of people that are on the show and they are like the sweetest, kindest people. They're emotionally mature, they're emotionally healthy. They are like mature, they're ready, they are kind, they're sweet, they're great communicators. They are like it's so obvious that they are ready to be married and it is so sad when these people, the people who are like really meant for the show and the people who embody what the show is like really meant to be about, when they end up being paired with people from one of the first two categories that I just mentioned, it is just so heartbreaking and sad and frustrating. When that happens. It is an emotional roller coaster watching this show.
Speaker 1:But, on the flip side, when they pair up with one another the emotionally healthy people pair up with each other it is the most beautiful and just inspiring and just like heart filling and exciting and just amazing thing to see and to watch and to witness and to watch their love with one another like grow and flourish, and you're watching it in real time, from when they first meet each other to when they say I do, and you're just watching it progress in real time like a fly in the wall. Just it is those couples. That's what makes the social experiment just like so worth it and you're just rooting for them and you get to see them like outside of the real world and, and you know, after the show, many of them have created like YouTube channels and they're on Instagram and it's like you get to follow them and continue to root for them and their happiness and it's just. This show is just emotionally. It's oh my God. And like, when there are seasons where it's obvious that most of them are not there for the right reasons, it's not as interesting, right, because it's like, okay, you just came on the show to like be famous, but the seasons where there are couples and there there are people who are on the show because they truly want love and they're really ready for it, it is the the most beautiful thing. And I feel like, out of all the seasons that I've watched so far, which is just the American version season one, three and four, no one, two and four and the UK season seven what am I saying? Season seven I'm losing it. Uk season one what am I saying? Season seven I'm losing it. Uk season one my favorite so far out of the seasons that I've watched is the Love is Blind UK. If you want an introduction to the show, I think and you've never watched it before I think Love is Blind UK season one is a great season to watch, to get an introduction of the show. I feel like the majority of the people who came on in UK season one are people who went for the right reasons, and I can't think of too many of them who fell in category one that I mentioned, which is like the obnoxious people. I think most of them fell into category two or category three, where it's like people who really believe that they were ready for marriage but ended up finding out that they're not believe that they were ready for marriage and actually were ready for it and their love just blossomed in a beautiful way. But, yes, UK, my favorite.
Speaker 1:Now I want to kind of switch gears and kind of talk about the most common mistakes that I'm seeing the couples make. I'm also curious if that's indicative of the mistakes that people make in the real world. The first mistake that I want to talk about is self-sabotaging. And they'll like find their person right, they'll find their match and they'll get engaged and they're deeply in love in the pods and then when they get together in the physical world where they can actually see each other and hold each other and talk to each other, you start seeing them self sabotage and it's it's so fascinating to watch someone self-sabotaging in a relationship in real time, like to actually see it happening. It is mind-boggling and it's just really sad. If this happens in the real world and I know that I have self-sabotaged, but I like it was like when I was way younger, I don't know Like now it's going to make me think when I'm dating, like to always just kind of check myself and just make sure that I'm not unknowingly self-sabotaging. It's fascinating, it is. You know, I can't say it enough. This show, this show, I can't say it enough, it is so interesting.
Speaker 1:So the second thing that I'm noticing that's like a reoccurring theme with, like, the couples on their journey is just how many people don't know how to effectively communicate. And I think, I think this one is true, right. So I think this one is definitely indicative of the real world, because I feel like that's one of the things that I'm noticing in the few times that I actually go out and that I actually try to date people um is that a lot of people don't know how to properly communicate. Like people think that communication is being able to always say when you're upset. That's not what effective communication is. Effective communication is not being able to say when you're angry or upset or when you don't like something.
Speaker 1:Effective communication is being able to talk about any and everything with your partner, right? Like being able to talk about fears and insecurities and worries and joys and excitement and anxiety, hard conversations. It is being able to be a safe space for someone else. Right, it's not just about you and how well you can communicate, but how well do you receive other people's communication? How well can you take constructive feedback? How well can you sit with someone who is in a difficult period? How well can you be supportive of someone who's going through something that someone who listens to just talk? Are you someone who listens to defend or are you someone who genuinely listens to understand, listens to comprehend, listens to build connection, listens to get close to others. Like?
Speaker 1:Effective communication is more than just the words that you speak. It is the tone, right? Are you aware of how you say things? Are you aware of your body language? Are you aware of your energy? Effective communication is a whole bunch of skills and tools in like a toolbox that you have to develop and you have to grow, and I don't think that you can ever stop learning and you can ever stop growing when it comes to effective communication, and it's just so fascinating how many people on this show do not know how to effectively communicate and there's a lot of situations that blow up and become like deal breakers for these couples and it's like if they had only just communicated it differently or if they had only just like effectively communicated with one another, like they could have made it. They could have made it, they had potential. It is. It is so interesting Like, oh my God.
Speaker 1:The third thing that I'm noticing too that's like a reoccurring thing that's happening between the couples on the show and I'm wondering if it happens in the real world. That's happening between the couples on the show and I'm wondering if it happens in the real world, like for the rest of us that are out here, dating is how how much the couples get distracted by the unimportant things throughout the dating process. Like people will get to the point of being engaged on the show and they never discuss finances. When they were in the pods they never discussed, had real hard conversations about where are they going to live if they were to get engaged and be married. Who's going to make the sacrifice? Who's going to move? Are both of you going to move to a new city that neither one of you are comfortable with and that neither one of you know. Are one of you going to move to the other person's city? How is that going to work? Who's going to get the new job if they move? Like who's going to be the one to make the sacrifice?
Speaker 1:Or they won't ask questions that are supposed deal breakers when they're dating in the pods, but then you'll hear them like having questions about like silly stuff, like what's your favorite cake and it's, and I think like it makes sense to ask the silly questions. But I just kind of thought that like the really like really important questions and important conversations are being had in the pods. They're just not being shown because of maybe like privacy or, you know, because it just doesn't make, I guess, good reality TV or something like that. But a lot of these couples like they genuinely do not have these conversations before getting engaged. And it's just interesting to me, it's fascinating to me.
Speaker 1:I am someone who loves having uncomfortable conversations. It is to the point where I'll have uncomfortable conversations with anyone Like I love. There's nothing that's like taboo for me to talk about. There's nothing that is like too uncomfortable for me to talk about, like my friends are often like girl, you can't be asking people these questions. Like you know we're your friends and it's cool, but sometimes you just be asking all kinds of craziness and you just you gotta stop doing that. Trish, like you can't just some of the things that come out your mouth, like girl, you cannot do that and like that is just to show you how. I ain't got no problems with asking uncomfortable conversations, like maybe, and it's just interesting, like how much people don't talk about in the pods because they seem shooketh. Okay, when they're out in the real world and they're having these conversations, they seem so shocked. And does that happen in the real world? And they're having these conversations? They seem so shocked. And does that happen in the real world? Maybe not, because in the real world people are dating for months and months and sometimes years and years before they get married, right, so is it as common in the real world or is it something that you're just seeing in the pods because of the short period of time in which they have to like, date and get married? I am just so intrigued and the last thing that I'm noticing that I'm wondering, like I'm very curious, if this is indicative of like the like dating, the dating scene is.
Speaker 1:It's interesting to see how many of the participants of the show do not trust their intuition, and I think that, out of all of the things that I mentioned, the thing that, in all honesty, I feel like I probably have the biggest difficulty with, I probably have the biggest difficulty with, and I can see myself in those people who are in those situations on the show, is this one like the intuition a contestant or like a participant will have, like a gut feeling about someone that they have a connection with on the other end of the pods, and like they have this gut feeling telling them like something isn't right with this person or like something isn't right with the connection that we have, and they will like ignore it and then it like always, most of the time what happens is they find out that their intuition, their gut, was right. You like I said, I think this is the one that I probably have the biggest difficulty with, but I think for me it presents itself a little differently than in the pods, like, for me, I'm such a logical person, like I'm very logic centered and I'm not emotion-centered that I often don't even know how to recognize my gut by the time I realize that my gut is telling me something, because I'm just so focused on the logic, the logistics and the logic and analyzing the data and the facts and things like that, by the time I even realize that I have like the feelings. Sometimes I miss out on the opportunity. And this happens to me, like with a lot of things, with career dating. It's like I'm so focused on like, okay, well, what are the facts? Like, what are, what am I seeing in front of me? Oh, who texted me? Okay, girl, don't get distracted, you will answer the text later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, I'm just so focused on like logic, right, so I would be the type to be like, okay, well, you know what are the pros and cons? And like, you know, what are the things that I you know, that I think are red flags, what are the things that I think are green flags? And then, like, let me list them out. And and meanwhile, like I'm not even leading with feelings, you know what I mean. I guess I can see that, but it's just so interesting, I don't know. Man, I love this show.
Speaker 1:Let me know which of the issues that we talked about in this episode of the podcast that like you notice in yourself, that like you have to work on, that's me, like I gotta work on that. I'd be self-sabotaging, or I don't be trusting my gut or my intuition, or sometimes I get emotional, or like sometimes I can be defensive when I'm communicating with someone, or sometimes like I can pull away instead of like communicating how I feel, like let me know, like I'm so fascinated and I'm so curious. Yes, so that is it. I'm starving. I'm about to go order some Uber Eats because I don't feel like cooking. I don't feel like it, and I'm on vacation and I have two more days left of my vacation, so I need to just chillax. Okay, I'm going to order some Chinese food and I'm going to stuff my face and enjoy the rest of my night. It is 4 46 PM. It is 4.46 pm.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna go binge watch Dexter Y'all. That is another show. Like I love true crime. You know what girl? Okay, let me say it real quick. Let me say it real quick. Let me say it real quick Okay, your girl is obsessed with true crime. I love all things romance and all things true crime. And I am such a weirdo because the same chick that will geek out over Bridgerton is the same chick that will geek out over like a show about a guy who's a cop by day and a serial killer by night. The same chick rooting for love is the same one rooting for a serial killer on a television show. Like who am I? What is wrong with me? But I love it. I love Dexter. So that's what I'm gonna do. I love you guys. I appreciate you guys and I'll see you next time. All right, bye guys, bye.