I Can Faith That!
How to go from a stressful and anxious life to one filled with self-care, faith and self-love.
I Can Faith That!
EP 10 | "I'm A Man, Can I Live The Soft Life Too?"
Is it time to challenge what it means to be a man? I say, absolutely! It is time that we advocate for a cultural shift that embraces softness as a strength rather than a weakness. In this episode we talk about the need to change how we view strength in our society when it comes to men. Stoicism is hurting them and we're creating a world of unhealed people desperately searching to feel like they belong.
As I think about the life I want for my brothers, I picture one filled with love, prosperity, and personal growth. I want them surrounded by nurture, positivity and meaningful relationships. I want them feeling comfortable enough to share insights, cultivate healthy habits, seek knowledge and be in a supportive environment where they can truly thrive. I hope they, as well as other men, can experience the beauty of living such a life.
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Hey guys, it's Trish. Today's episode is going to focus on the soft life for men and y'all. I feel like I'm going to get a lot of flack for this episode, but that's okay. If you're a woman and you're listening to this episode of the podcast and you have sons and you have brothers, you have a husband, you have nephews, you have, you know, know your dad, you have men in your life that you love and you care about, I highly encourage you guys to hear me out and hear um a different perspective on this issue and this topic, because it it's it's. It just resonates so much with me and my spirit is telling me to record this something. And my spirit is telling me to record this. Something in my spirit is telling me to record today's episode. And when my gut tells me to do something, I have learned in my walk and my practice and in my like walk with faith and with God. I have learned that when my gut tells me to do something, I do it. I think one of the things and I'm not a man, fellas, let me know if I'm close to it or not I think that one of the things that deters men from the concept of the soft life is that it has been misconstrued, misrepresented, it has been hijacked.
Speaker 1:It's a concept that has been hijacked by people who don't truly understand what it means themselves and because they have misrepresented it, it now has this connotation that is vastly different from what it is meant to be, and I think that people would be less turned away from the concept of the soft life if, maybe, if it was called the softer life, maybe. I think it would make more sense to peopleors that you have in your life things that you can control. Rebuke. I rebuke the idea that a man should not want to experience the soft, the soft life. Based off of my definition of what the soft life is, based off my interpretation of what it is. I rebuke the idea that a man is less of a man because he's saying, with living a hard knock life, like why is that synonymous with manhood? I rebuke that. I mean I have this conversation frequently with my younger siblings, so with my younger brothers. I'm 13 and 15 years older than them and it's a conversation that I plan on repeatedly having and it's a concept that I plan on hopefully instilling in them as much as I possibly can, because I just feel like our culture and our society as a whole is contributing to the detriment of our men.
Speaker 1:I just I see things happening that really saddens me. I am sick and tired of men being made to feel like they cannot be human beings with human feelings and human emotions. And one of the things that I try to do for my brothers is to validate their feelings, because you are a person, you're not a product, you're not an animal. Well, I guess, if you think about human beings being mammals and blah, blah, blah but you know what I'm trying to say you are a human being and you have human thoughts, human feelings, human worries, you have fears, you have stressors, you have feelings and emotions. And hear me out, feelings and emotions. And hear me out, fellas, and I'm trying to get my brothers to see this Just because you feel an emotion, just because you feel something, does not make you weak. Know that that is absolutely okay. Or maybe I'm wrong, fellas, let me know. Ladies, if you have men in your life, let me know. Maybe they don't have feelings, I don't know. Maybe they don't have emotions. I just know that my brothers go through things, and my dad.
Speaker 1:So, in addition to having all brothers, I'm also a daddy's girl to having all brothers. I'm also a daddy's girl. Look, baby, once a daddy's girl, always a daddy's girl. It never stops, it never goes away, it never ends. Who cares? I'm almost 40. I don't care, I'm still a daddy's girl. It just looks different, okay, to all the daddy's girls out there it's the same thing. It'll just look different, okay. Okay, don't play with me about my father. I will flip every table in the restaurant. If you mess with my dad. What I tell you I'm flipping out. I go hard for my dad. Don't play with me when it comes to my dad. He's elderly now, he is approaching 80. And he often has to tell me to relax. He's like, excuse me, calm down, girl, calm down. I'm telling you the daddy's girl. It does not go away. But anyway, that's not the point.
Speaker 1:The point is is that it just breaks my heart that a lot of men don't have the space to really express human emotions, human feelings, and you deserve that. Men are not allowed to do that and it really frustrates me. And with my family, I often try to tell my brothers if there's something you need to talk about, I'm here, I'm here to hear you out, I'm here to listen to you it's okay for you to be a person Like what the heck? And if you have people around you that are telling you that that's not okay, you may need to reevaluate whether that person needs to be around you either at all or as often as they are. I think the fact that men are not allowed to express their feelings and emotions, they've never learned number one how to effectively communicate those feelings. And because you don't learn how to communicate them and you're always maybe you suppress them, you don't learn how to process them and you don't learn how to heal from them them and you don't learn how to heal from them. And so I think there's a lot of unhealed trauma, a lot of unhealed things happening within our men. We're a collective society. We're not independent of one another.
Speaker 1:On the topic of you are a human being with human feelings. I see nothing wrong with wanting to be surrounded by love and positivity and affection and kindness and encouragement and affirmation, and I don't see why it would be any different for you to want that in your life. Like that's insane to me and I don't know why society has and y'all feeling like you don't deserve these things or you shouldn't expect these things or you shouldn't want these things, and then, if you do, you're considered weak for it. It is okay to want better for your life. Just because you're a man doesn't mean that you have to live a hard knock life and you got to be okay with it. Like, yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm just, I'm just this rock, you know, like whatever, like I could just deal with whatever. Oh, okay, well, maybe you can, but why do you? Why? Why should you have to?
Speaker 1:And I look at it from the perspective and here's the thing like I know that unfortunately, me talking about this, there's gonna be a lot of women out there who like, oh, she's just a pick me. I hate the concept when I tell you guys, I hate the concept of pick me's and and and what's the other one? Simps, I hate this. I was about to say a bad word. I hate this freaking concept that, as a woman, if you support, if you're supportive of men, you're a pick me. And as a man, if you love and treat women well and you you adore a woman, you're a simp. Like, can we please stop this bull crap? Like, can we stop the bs? Can we stop the bs? Because, at the end of the day, and I know and I and I'm I'm just checking because I, just before the she's a pick me people come I'm just letting you know, don't even try it, don't try it, don't try me, because that's such a stupid way of thinking. That is a mentality that is just that derives from unhealed like.
Speaker 1:You got work to do, okay, you got work to do within yourself. How do I say this? You are part of the problem and you have a lot of work to do. If you are a woman who is against the concept of a man being supported and loved and if you are a man who is against the concept of a woman being loved and supported. You got work to do. You got issues. You got to work within yourself. You got work to do. You got issues. You gotta work within yourself. Stop talking and start start working.
Speaker 1:The time you spend hating on other people, spend it on loving yourself, please. It is okay for you to want peace, for you to want to live a life with little to no drama, for you to want a partner who does not contribute drama into your life. It is okay for you to practice self-care. Self-care is not feminine, it's just loving you. It is okay, fellas, if you want to go and get your nails done, get it cleaned up. Get it cleaned up. Why is it? Having dirty ass nails is considered, like you, a man? Excuse me, he's a man that don't like dirty nails. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Go get your manicure, it feels really good. Go get your pedicure, it feels amazing. Fellas, let me tell you something.
Speaker 1:Okay, when they massage that feet that feet you've been standing on all day at work and they soak it in that water and they start massaging it with that whatever. It is lotion or cream, I don't know what they using, but it feels good. It's okay for you to want to experience that. Okay, it, it's all right. Don't listen to people telling you that you should bump it. Okay. It is okay for you to take care of yourself. It's okay for you to practice hygiene. Okay, hygiene is not just a woman thing. It's okay for you to practice hygiene For you to enjoy smelling good. It's okay for you to soak in a bubble bath. They're relaxing, okay, they're very relaxing.
Speaker 1:It is okay for you to take moments out of your day to be by yourself and pray and meditate and watch a documentary that you really love, read a book, listen to some music, write in a journal, go to therapy. It is okay for you to take care of your mental health, fellas, it's okay. It's okay, please do that. It's okay for you to confide in a pastor that you trust or to get a spiritual leader that you trust, or to spend time with people who are going to uplift you. It's okay for you to have guys night if it's a group of men who are progressing and who are not causing you to regress, if it's a group of men who are not hateful, who are not spiteful, who are not resentful. It is okay for you to have friends friends that care about you, friends that love you, friends that want to see you win, friends that want to see you grow. It is okay. It is okay for you to invest in your education.
Speaker 1:It is okay for you to have a job that you love, for you to have a job that you love. It is okay to want that. It's okay to want to go to work and not be miserable. You have to be miserable because you're the provider. It is okay for you to want to be the provider and still be able to laugh and still be able to enjoy your life and still be able to breathe. I want for my husband the same thing that I want for my dad, the same thing that I want for my brothers. I want my brothers, if they are in a job that's making them miserable, I want them to have the type of spouses that they can go to and say, babe, I am dying, I am emotionally and mentally dying and something has to give no-transcript about that. Don't listen to other men out there who don't have those things, who want you to be just as miserable as they are and therefore they're making you feel bad for wanting those things, because that's not how they're living their life. Don't listen to a woman out there who doesn't have those things, who's bitter, who's angry, who's upset at the world. She's incapable of being loving, she's incapable of being affectionate, telling you that you shouldn't want those things, because in reality, what it's saying is that you don't want what she can provide and that's okay. That's her problem, it's okay.
Speaker 1:So I was talking to my youngest brother about this a few months ago because I went to go visit him for his birthday. We don't live in the same state and I went to go visit him for his birthday and we were talking about kind of what I want for him and I was telling him I don't want you to live a hard life and the things that I speak into your life, and I was telling him what I, what I'm speaking into his life. I'm speaking love into his life. I'm speaking affection into his life. I want him to come home from a hard day of work and have his wife jump on him. I want him to feel like he has to work out because this woman is constantly jumping up on him and he need to be able to carry her because she jumped on him so much. I want him to be filled with loves and kisses.
Speaker 1:I want him to be filled with words of affirmation when I tell you the brother that I'm talking about. He is so dope, his personality is dope, he is the calmest. I never come like my dad and this brother that I'm talking that you know I had this conversation with. They are like the calmest people on the planet and like they don't deal with I'm sure they deal with anxiety and stress, but they don't. They don't let it get the best of them. They are so just dope my dad and this brother that I'm that I was saying this to is so dope and I was telling him, like I want a woman for you that's just as dope as you are, like I want words of affirmation for you. That's what I'm speaking into your life. I'm speaking into your life a woman who affirms you every day. I want you to be told how much you're loved. Every single day, every single time I get off the phone with my siblings and my parents, I tell them I love them. Every single time that one of us are leaving the house whether I'm leaving the house or they're leaving the house I let them know that I love them. To have a good day, be safe out there.
Speaker 1:I'm speaking positivity into your life today and I love you. That's what I'm speaking into his life. I told him that I'm speaking financial freedom into his life. I'm not speaking living paycheck to paycheck into his life. I'm not speaking stressed out over money into his life. I'm not speaking low credit score into his life. I'm not speaking being filled with debt into his life. I am speaking debt freedom into his life. I am speaking high credit score into his life. I am speaking maxing out 401ks and maxing out your Roth IRAs, and that's what I'm speaking into your life. I'm speaking brokerage accounts and investments into your life. I'm speaking HSAs into your life. I'm speaking debt-free mortgage into your life. I am speaking multiple streams of income into your life. That's what I'm speaking into your life. I'm speaking that into your life.
Speaker 1:I'm hoping that you become a man. Well, he is a young man. He's a young man. He's in his 20s, but I'm hoping that you continue to grow into a man who takes care of himself, who takes care of his mental health, who takes care of his emotional health, who takes care of his spiritual health, who takes care of his financial well-being, who takes care of his physical space. I'm speaking that into your life.
Speaker 1:I'm speaking cleanliness into your life. I'm speaking all that, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you're a man who likes to clean, that doesn't make you less of a man. That means you're not dirty. You're not leaving the responsibility to somebody else to clean your home. You're not leaving the responsibility to somebody else to clean your home. That'll make you weak.
Speaker 1:For that I'm speaking and I told him I was like I'm speaking an amazing ass barber into your life. Every time you go get a fresh cut, okay, you come out looking and feeling like a million bucks, a million bucks every time you pass a mirror by. You can't even, you can't even just you can't even believe how fly you look because you just got this amazing, fresh cut by this amazing barber. That that's. I'm speaking that into your life, absolutely. And y'all he was looking at me like wow, okay, but anyways, but yeah, I was telling him he has to make those choices. You have to want, want those things for yourself. You have to see those things for yourself and then you have to implement habits and behaviors to allow you to get there.
Speaker 1:You have to want financial freedom for yourself. I can't make financial choices and decisions for you. You're an adult, so you have to want financial freedom for yourself. I can't make financial choices and decisions for you. You're an adult, so you have to seek out the knowledge that you need in order to make that a possibility. You have to watch podcasts and read books and get a mentor right To teach you how to set up budgets and systems and investments and how to make that a reality. I can't do it for you.
Speaker 1:I can say that I want to speak love and affection into your life, but you choose who you date. I can't choose the type of woman that you date for you. I deserve to have friends that when we get together, we don't just all feel like, oh, we need to be hard, we're men, we need to. No, you deserve to have friends that you can be emotional, with that you can talk about the hard things, with that you can be vulnerable with. You deserve that. Yes, life throws curveballs at us. Yes, we can't always control things, but it's okay for you to want to control the controllables and the things that you can control, for you to say that I want them to be more enjoyable, I want them to be more pleasant, I want them to be less harsh, I want them to be less difficult.
Speaker 1:Man, I just really hope that with my brothers, this is like sinking in and I try to talk to them and try to do it in a way where I'm not lecturing them and try to do it in the way you know what I mean, like try to open their eyes, to, like a different perspective about the soft life and you live a peaceful life. That is the ultimate success. Like I'm telling y'all, it's amazing. I'm trying to work on having more of it and I want y'all to have more of it too. And if you're a woman watching this and you have a brother or a nephew, or you know your dad, your uncles, like if you have men in your life that you love and you care about and you cherish, please let them know it is okay for them to incorporate more softness into their life.
Speaker 1:That is it, y'all, and I would say I would see y'all in the next episode, but I don't really have male viewers. So I guess if you're a female viewer, I'll see you in the next episode. Or if you're a female listener to the podcast, I'll see you. And if you're a guy and if you want to follow me too, do that. I don't only talk about girl stuff. A lot of what I talk about might be beneficial for you too. I'm just saying Maybe. All right, that is it y'all, and I'll see you in the next podcast. Bye.