I Can Faith That!
How to go from a stressful and anxious life to one filled with self-care, faith and self-love.
I Can Faith That!
Ep 12 | "I Keep Coming Across Trash While Dating"
This episode challenges the common belief that there are no good partners available in the dating world, encouraging a shift from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. Through exploring societal negativity, personal introspection, and the role of faith, listeners are reminded of the positivity that still exists in relationships.
We explore in this episode:
• Developing a positive mindset in dating
• Societal negativity and its affects relationship perceptions
• Human nature's tendency to vocalize dissatisfaction
• The importance of introspection and self-reflection
• Faith as a source of positivity in love
• Challenges in identifying good partners in modern dating
• Overcoming scarcity mindset for better relationship outcomes
Where You Can Find Me:
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Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-can-faith-that/id1766168795
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@I-Can-Faith-That
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Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the I Can Faith that podcast. This is episode 12, y'all, episode 12. So exciting. I am your host and your coach, trish. Today's episode is for those of you who are single and you are dating and you are out here in this dating game, this crazy dating world that we got going on today. If you are looking for your special person and you find yourself starting to adopt a pessimistic, scarcity, negative mindset, I am here to argue, not argue. I'm not here to argue with y'all, and, while I do like a nice debate, I ain't here to argue with y'all. But I'm here to give you a different perspective, right, to give you a more positive outlook and more positive perspective, and so I am going to put it out there and I know that people are going to very much disagree with me, but I I'm going to. I'm going to put this out there.
Speaker 1:Unpopular opinion, okay, that there are plenty of good partners out there. Plenty of good men that are still out there. Plenty of good women that are still out there. Plenty of good spouses out there. For those of you that are gender non-conforming, okay, there are plenty of good romantic partners out there. We just have to shift the way that we think. So the first thing people probably are thinking right, y'all probably thinking this If there was supposedly all these good people out here, how you still looking, how you may find him, I know y'all gonna come for me in that way, right, you gonna come for me, you gonna come for me, okay, and you gonna point out the hypocrisy. But hear me out, okay, I am someone I'm not someone who has been married for 16 years, happily married. Don't know what it's like to date, in 2024, when I'm recording this. I'm right there with you guys and, despite that, I am still choosing to think positively. I'm still choosing to operate from a faithful perspective instead of a faithless perspective, and I refuse to operate with a scarcity mindset. I refuse to continue to live life operating in scarcity in any area of my life, including this.
Speaker 1:Here's what I think is actually happening and actually going on. I think there's multiple layers and multiple things happening. The first is, I think that, unfortunately, we are now living in a society in which negativity is loud and positivity is not. Negativity is accepted, negativity is mainstream. The negative is given more of a platform. The negative is pushed out by algorithms because it gets views algorithms because it gets views. The negative is louder than the positive. People who are operating in a not so great space feel more comfortable being vocal about it.
Speaker 1:You're going to feel more hesitant right To come online and be like this is my boo thing, this is my man, okay, this is my boo boo, johnny. You know, johnny is so amazing, he is so sweet, he's so romantic. Oh my god. He does this for me. He makes me breakfast and bed. He is phenomenal. He is so good at meeting my needs. He is just an amazing man. I love him so much. I love my boo-boo.
Speaker 1:Can you imagine what would happen to you? And maybe you might get away with making one video about that? But if you're making multiple videos about Johnny, the Amazing Boo-Boo Thing, I promise you, at some point people are going to be like we get it. Okay, we get it Like stop. You're not going to be welcomed as much as you would be not going to be welcomed as much as you would be if you came online and did a 50 part story about how your husband ain't can't curse okay, because I I'm walking in faith promise you, you will not get the same reception. You will not get the same response. It just is, it just is, and so I truly, truly believe that that plays a huge part in why it feels like there's just no good partners out there. The people who are going through it are just much louder and more vocal and the people who are in happy, healthy relationships just don't talk about it as much and they aren't as loud about it and they aren't as vocal about it. I truly believe that, and we know that this is a fact in a way. Right, let's say the statistic and this is why there's a statistic that's going around whether it's true or not, that is debatable how 50% of marriages end in divorce. Right, let's say that that statistic was true and accurate. I question the validity of it. But then, at the same time, when I look around me, there are a lot of people who are getting divorced. So I don't know what the numbers actually are. I don't know. But let's say that that statistic is correct. That means that there are still, you know, 50% of people who are not. But we are just so focused on the 50% that are, and I promise you the 50% that are are a lot more vocal about it than the 50% that are not, and so I just think that that's what's happening. I also think there's a little bit of human nature to it. When I say that, what I mean is just think about you, right.
Speaker 1:When you are having a great day, at least for me, I can speak for myself. I tend to harp more on the days that aren't great and on the things that aren't great than I do on the things that are. If I'm having a bad day, I promise you, I tell at least a couple of people that day that this happened to me and that happened to me. But when I'm having a great day, it's very unlikely that I'm going to go into specific details about all the things that happened today to make it a great day. If I'm talking to my friend and my friend is like girl how was your day today? And my friend is like girl, how was your day today? If my day was good, it's very unlikely that I'm going to be like girl.
Speaker 1:I woke up before my alarm. Okay, I woke up before my alarm because I got nine hours of sleep. I feel well rested, I feel amazing, and I popped out of bed and I went and I got myself ready for work and the water was just the perfect temperature. My shower was amazing and I got ready quickly and I, you know, on the way to work, both of the trains that I take to get to work. They both got there as soon as I reached the platforms and, as a matter of fact, I got to work so quickly that I had time to go and get a delicious breakfast. And I got me an amazing breakfast. It was nice and delicious, oh my God. The person who made it made it perfectly perfect seasoning and this and that, and then I was able to drink plenty of water that day. And let me tell you, work was a smooth, relaxing day. I had no meetings Like.
Speaker 1:It's very unlikely that I'm going to go into a minute by minute breakdown of how phenomenal the day was and all of the reasons why my day was great. But, baby, let me have a bad day. Let that day be bad. Oh, okay, let that day be bad. You're going to get a minute by minute, play by play. This happened and then that happened, and then the nerve of this coworker and the nerve of this person. And then he said this, and then I said this back, and then the nerve of this coworker and the nerve of this person and then he said this, and then I said this back and then I was like you ain't not going to play me like that. And then I did this, and then I did that and this happened. And then I stubbed my toe and it was just horrible and, like I promise you, you're more likely to get a play byplay of why things have gone bad.
Speaker 1:And so I think there is an element of human nature to it, in addition to the fact that society that we've created there's algorithms and social media and stuff that kind of pushes the negative. I also think that there's an element of pride happening. I really do. I think that it's so much easier to place blame on others than to really dig deep and be introspective with ourselves that the reason and this isn't something that I do, but I'm saying for some of us it's so much easier for us to just say that there's no good people out there, there ain't no good men out there, period.
Speaker 1:Then to admit that there may be great men out there, but there's work that I have to do within myself to recognize the difference between the bad ones and the good ones. The latter is so much harder to admit. It is so much harder to admit that you don't have the tools. You don't have the tools or you don't have the skills to decipher between a not so great man and a great one, or a not so great woman and a great one, either because you've never been taught it Right. And you might not have ever been taught it because, um, maybe you never saw that as an example in your home growing up, or it could be that you just never had those conversations with the people who are supposed to teach that to you. Right, dating was tab. Be able to decipher the difference between a good partner and a bad partner. It's so much harder to admit that and then to start doing the work that you need to do in order to learn those necessary skills and tools. It's so much easier to just be like there ain't no good people out there, there ain't no good people out there, there ain't no good men out there, period. And I think the last thing that's happening too and this is why I absolutely refuse to to to feed into this um idea that there's no good man out there, or there are no good men out there or there are very little.
Speaker 1:As a woman of faith, I identify right. Faith can mean many different things to many different people, but for me, my faith is in the form of identifying as a Christian woman in this moment in my life. Right, and as a Christian woman, I just cannot. I cannot believe, like there's a part, I just refuse to believe, that God would ever be so cruel as to create good people and not create other good people to match them. Like I just refuse to believe that, that he would create the heavens, the earth and everything in between, but he wouldn't think to create enough good men to to be in relationship with good women like I, just as a woman of faith.
Speaker 1:Like I just can't do that. I refuse to do that. Like I just can't do that, because then that would be me saying that God is a God of mistakes. The father, the son and the holy spirit, all three of them don't know what they doing and in this particular, they fumbled the ball. Like I don't know that. I, I don't know, I, just I personally can't, I can't, I can't abide by that. I'm just saying I'm not, I don't, nope, nope, nope, nope, yeah, I just I'm not doing that. I don't believe that my God is a God of mistakes. That's just me. I don't believe he makes mistakes. I believe that he thought this through.
Speaker 1:Now, if you are not a Christian woman, if you don't identify as faithful, whatever you may believe, okay, it makes sense to have that way of thinking, right, because you don't believe in a higher power. I'm just saying, as a faithful person who identifies as a Christian woman, I just, I cannot, I cannot, I can't, I can't and I won't. I'm not doing that, just on my faith alone. I have to believe that I'm going to find my person. I just believe it, I just do, I'm sorry. So this dating and relationship stuff, I'm just going to have to faith it. I'm going to faith it. I'm going to faith it, I'm going to pray about it. I got to learn how to.
Speaker 1:Where do good men go? I don't, don't know. If I knew, then I probably would have found one by now. I don't know where they, good man, where do good men go? People always like go where the good men are, go where men are.
Speaker 1:I don't know where men are because I'm not a man. Where are they? I imagine that western beef they gotta eat. Are they at the laundromat? Maybe I shouldn't go to the laundromat in my building. Maybe I should just go to like the regular laundromat. Is that where they at? Where are they? I don't know, I don't know, but yeah, so hopefully, okay, if you found yourself nervous and pessimistic and scared and falling down that rabbit hole, there are plenty of amazing, phenomenal people out there. They're just not as vocal and they're not as arrogant and they're not as bold and they're not as in your face as the ones that aren't so great. Just recognize that and realize that. And so we need to, you know, open our eyes more. We need to be just more aware. You know we need to work within ourselves and we just need to keep doing our best y'all and operating from scarcity.
Speaker 1:A scarcity mindset has never been helpful. It will never be helpful in any area of your life, including dating and relationships, if you are operating on a negative. Nancy vibe, I promise you, when an amazing man comes your way, he is going to be very deterred, because I know I would be. I consider myself to be a really great woman. Okay, and I can say that with confidence. Okay, that's a fact. God is doing some amazing things within me. I am so proud of the woman that I'm becoming and I know that for me, if a guy approaches me on some low negative energy type stuff that's going to deter me right, like when you approach me on some what do you bring to the table type of stuff Like bruh, it's okay. You can keep going, keep, keep, keep, keep on, keep on going. You just can't operate that way and I think if you want your special person, you just you just cannot operate from that negative scarcity mindset. So anyway, hopefully I have done a good job at helping you realize, at proving my point.
Speaker 1:There are still good people out there. We just have to work harder at finding them. We just got to work harder y'all. We got to work harder at finding them. We have to be more patient with ourselves. We have to be more patient with the society we've created. They're a little bit more difficult to find for various reasons that I listed. We just have to do it Just got to, we gots to.
Speaker 1:That is it for this episode of the podcast, episode number 12. Thank you so much for listening. If you've made it this far, I thank you. I appreciate you. If you are watching on YouTube, please leave a comment like subscribe.
Speaker 1:Let me know that you have enjoyed this, that you found it helpful, that you have found it beneficial. It's very helpful, especially right now when I'm just starting off with the podcast and with my coaching and all that stuff and building my coaching business, and so it's helpful to get that word of encouragement, to know that this is helping people, because that's all I want. All I want is to help people, and if you are listening on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify, please leave a five-star rating. Okay, we're five stars here. Okay, we operate at the highest frequency, highest level. Don't be scarce with the stars. Okay, we don't operate in scarcity over here. We don't operate in scarcity over here. I thank you so much for your support and, um, yeah, enjoy the rest of your day, rest of your night, evening, afternoon, whenever you're listening to this, and I will see you guys in the next podcast episode, which is episode 13. Okay, bye, guys Later.