Episode 6: Sisters in the Hot Seat with Chat GPT

Get ready for a fun twist on sister bonding in this episode of The Real Mom Hub! We’re diving into a list of thought-provoking (and maybe a bit spicy!) questions to ask your sister that will definitely spark some laughs, surprises, and deeper insights. With questions like, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet?” and “If you could change one thing about our relationship, what would it be?” we’re keeping things real but lighthearted.

Expect a mix of humor, heartfelt moments, and maybe a few confessions as we explore topics from career dreams to family quirks and everything in between. Whether you're close as can be or looking to connect on a new level, these questions are perfect for deepening that sisterly bond. Special thanks to our moderator, Chat GPT. 

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

Like what you hear? Let us know!

• Rate & Review on Apple Podcasts & Spotify – Help others discover the show!
• Join the Conversation – Join us on social (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok), or send us a message at therealmomhub@gmail.com to let us know what you'd like to hear more of.
• Share this episode – If you enjoyed it, share with a friend, tag us on social media and let us know your favorite takeaway.

Transcript

This is the real mom hub. Keep listening for relatable content.

Yes yes yes. Yeah.

And you loved to wear them with your horse shirt.

Oh the one that mom

surprised me with. It was like the era of the wolf shirt.

No this was a cute. The much vilified wolf. No I'm saying it was the same era.(...) But you were like a cute child with your horse shirt.

It was a cute preppy horse shirt. I hope mom listens to this. And we were at Kohl's. I was not very old and I vividly remember this. We were at Kohl's and we got like one new thing because it was back to school. And I was living in hand-me-downs like fully. Same actually as the oldest. Which how does that work? So I was living in I was the third owner of my hand-me-downs at least. So we're walking through and I was really into horses and I was kind of preppy and I saw this shirt. And I just loved it. But for some reason like it just wasn't the right move. And I think I made the call to get this other shirt. Maybe it was less expensive or something.

And we come home

mom has bought also this horse shirt.

Mom she just snuck it in there?

Yes.

(...)

And I will never forget this horse shirt. I bet she has forgotten.

I think you wore that daily. Like I think you wore it until mom would peel it off your body for the wash. Yes. With my brown cords. And it had the it's back and I hate it but it was really cute when you wore it. The like ruffle stitch on the sleeves. So 90s. Is that true? No no no no no.

That one didn't have it. It had a built-in button down underneath it. A horse shirt did? Yes. It had a white. Oh I probably had two horse shirts. I did. The one I'm thinking of is like purple stripes with a horse. And it had oh no you're thinking of my green horse shirt. That said main attraction. No no no.

That was middle school almost for you. I was thinking of a different horse shirt.

That I actually think grandma got you now that I'm thinking about it.

Who knew you had so many horse shirts.

Well the moral of the story is mom did that one little thing and I remember it and will always remember it.

I mean that's one of the lessons that we just I keep absorbing from our mother and I just keep wondering when it's going to surface in my everyday life. You know?

Yeah. Just do the small thing with great love. Mother Teresa said something like this.

Yeah do the small thing with great love.

(...)

Yeah that one.

Oh that is funny. How are you on this Wednesday in

Ooh sound good.

You know what I'm going to edit that out. She's coughing.

(...)

Yeah. Yeah still my COVID cough you know six weeks in.

(...)

No I'm doing great.

our Aunt Nancy is here and she was Kieran's caretaker for like four or five months

she's amazing but I definitely she's here at a social call like to hang out with us. Oh which I was really excited about and then I'm like well I've got this thing she's like I want to just watch him and I'm like well it's like totally not why you were here and I feel a little badly about it.

(...)

Anyways. That's your village baby.(...) My village is here. Yep my village is here 100 percent. Not my husband but my my village. Anyways

So we was just let's dive into the pod. I forget we're recording a podcast because it's just you me talking which happens you know all the time anyways. But I guess we're recording right now. So for our dear listeners.

Just a note moving forward about the structure of the podcast. We are so excited to continue talking to the women in our community.

(...)

Just everyday moms hearing about their stories and we're going to continue that with our family members.

But between the guests we're going to do a little solo epis with Kelly.

because we're thrilled with the engagement so far. So thank you so much for your support everyone. It's been really really fun to watch you show up and listen to us and give you give us your feedback.

(...)

It's just been really special. So thank you for tuning in.

lot of you are dear friends and family members at this point in these early days. However some of you are not in other countries and that's pretty cool. So

We're going to get a little personal today.

(...)

So we've pulled in. I don't like how you said that. I thought we had a plan. Are you deviating from the plan?

I thought our plans sounded really personal. Oh OK. Great. Let's do it.

(...)

We'll see if the episode content shocks Kelly. We pulled in a third party mediator here.

(...)

Chat GPT.(...) So I requested of chat GPT earlier today. Give me hard-hitting questions to ask my sister.

So

We've got a whole list pulled up here of these questions. Neither of us have read the questions yet.

(...)

What's something that you've always wanted to do but haven't pursued yet.

And what's holding you back.

This one's easy and I don't think I'll ever do it and I'm coming to peace with it. I'd really like to through hike a trail.

(...)

Why

you think you're going to do that.

Because I've read a lot of books about it. So like I'd probably do the Appalachian just because it's the thing. The PCT is so cool. Like the Pacific Crest Trail in case you're not super into reading about people hiking.

I don't know why. I just feel like the Appalachian is what I would do. I think it's because two of our aunties have done it. OK. So I just like to walk with they. I don't know. It just seems like it's a little bit of a

older

I think you only really commit when it's the most important thing to you. And I've read that from a couple different different perspectives of people that have hiked it. So I've read two full memoirs about it. One of them was from an older man and he had a lot of people who were like.

(...)

his wife had just died I think. And he did have grown kids but he was like needing this. And there was a point where he almost turned back when he was on the trail and went home. I think one of his kids had a baby or something. But that was like the kind of thing that I was like. And

he said like he realized or someone told him the only people that finish this trail are people that don't have anything that's more important to them.

So I mean I'm thinking about my family like there's just no way that I would want to. The only way I could see it happening is if Kevin came up with a baby.

I was just going to say I hear you say you always want to do this thing and I'm like hello had babies when you were 25.

(...) Oh that's true.

So yeah the only way I would see it happening is if Kevin did it with me once our kids are grown. But then I'm even like it's either before they're having babies or after. And I don't know if I'll ever get to that point where I'm okay with not knowing what's happening to them till I hit the next town.

(...)

Like

just a wild thing to think about.

(...)

Sure. So I always thought I would do it right after college.

what's so attractive about that to you.

I just think the personal transformation is astounding for everybody that does it.

(...)

Tell me more.(...) It's just so hard to think about it. It's just so hard. And you know I'm drawn to that.

(...)

I sure do. Yeah. Hard physical.

(...)

Yeah.

Yeah. I don't even know why you're asking me.

(...)

Yeah but there are plenty of like you could say I'd like to become a triathlete or I mean there are plenty of hard like why that. Yeah. You also expressed to me you don't necessarily like alone time or know to do with your thoughts. So I mean maybe that just adds a layer of hard.

Yeah exactly. Okay. So like the triathlon has never really appealed to me. Like I ran a marathon that was cool but it's not that it's not so crunchy. Like it's not you being one with nature. And I love the aspect of you are kind of at the mercy of the elements. Yeah. Yeah that's really cool. Like it's just so and you're in nature. I mean that's the piece about like the other athletic feats that it's much more sporty.

love that. Like you're on a marathon.

(...)

There's lightning storm like what do you do or in the other the other really appealing piece to me is the

family like once you hike the 80 with someone you know even if you hike a week with this person like you've shared such unique experience and you just meet so many cool people.

(...) That's how until Lisa last episode we dive into this. This is how she met her husband.

(...)

I mean that's an incredible story.

(...)

And we didn't even we didn't even really acknowledge that he was German till way later. So she.

(...)

Yeah. I mean so just to your point. Yeah.

(...)

was reading this to you and I was like shoot. They're like I want to choose one. Like I don't know. I always thought I'd live in abroad for a while. I always thought I'd you know have a period of world traveling. I always thought I'd be like super tatted up by this point if I'm being honest.

(...)

I thought that I would have

know owned a business. I think like owning a business for you know kind

figuring out how to meld lifestyle invocation and purpose in harmony has always been. I've always just assumed honestly that I would do all of those things.

I haven't I mean I've traveled a little bit not a ton. I haven't lived abroad.

Yeah. I traveled a lot more than the average American.

I've traveled. Yeah. I've lived. I mean I haven't I don't feel the need to live abroad anymore but I didn't say no to it.

It's just interesting. And this is such an indication of our personalities. I ask you this question. You're like this one thing. And I thought about it. I've actually read books about it. And here's what I thought it was going to be. Here's what I think like you're just like so zoned in.

(...)

I'm like oh my God which one do I choose. I'm like all these things I thought I do.

What is holding me back. I think the answer is

all the shiny things. I can't focus. I don't know. I don't I don't like a tattoo for sure. For instance. That's not that hard. No I have zero income my body. And I've been thinking about what tattoos I'm going to get since I've been like a teenager.(...) And the ideas last for roughly three months and I'm like thank God I didn't put that on my body.

you basically are saying you can't tell me the answer. Well you said I just gave you like 20. Wait was part of it what's holding you back.

Yeah that's the thing my distraction. My inability to focus and like hone in on the one thing like businesses for example. I'm constantly I've always been thinking about like oh what business could I start what business would I run. And then you know push comes to shove never quite.

(...)

Do the thing.

Well huh. Because I feel like you've done a lot of things.

You need a little like.

Well I don't think you need a reality track because you just like to dream and that's great.(...) But like your attitude about it is kind of funny to me because you're like I just haven't done the thing. Like you've done a lot of those things.

(...)

guess when I say I'm done the thing and like I guess I have high expectations for what.

And I always need a reality check. Are you kidding me. I mean I don't need a reality check.

This is why you're here.

Yeah that's probably true. You did have a baby which I don't think you ever like fully like sort of meshed that into the other dreams. So that kind of threw a wrench in the

In a good way.

And what's really funny is I would never say like oh I always wanted to have a baby. That's actually the opposite of true. I never wanted to have a baby.

(...)

Yeah. I always just assumed I would have a family and I was always really excited about having a family. But I fell in love with Kyle. I was like oh he's going to be an amazing dad.(...) Honestly. So it was just an inherent truth that I would have a family. But for some reason it was always like I don't know like a handful of kids who were not.

(...)

Elementary school older.

You know I like. They came out like that.

(...)

Okay. Oh I like this. Oh how do you feel you've changed the most in the last few years and what are you still working on?

or what's the hardest truth you've had to face about yourself.

I don't think I can handle that question. So okay.

know. I think there's before Kieran and after Kieran which is also lumped with living in the Pacific Northwest and then moving back to the Midwest.(...) So I think just huge transformation with motherhood

is the last year. So

really like those things. I like being comfortable. I like having money. I like working with people.

(...)

I like

a lot of those things are all about myself frankly

we're in a season of taking risks and all of those things are not really available to me in the way that they have been.

Literally as you were listing them off I was like yeah and

I've made that choice. I'm actively participating in that. So I think the change is ongoing but I guess if I were to really peel back the layers I think my ego is shifting in a way that's hopefully making me a better person.

(...)

really really working on right now is I think I know I'm a bit much which I like about myself but I really need to just keep my mouth shut a little longer most of the time and be more thoughtful

be more generous and kind

those around me.

I feel very angular as a person moving back to the Midwest. Everyone here is like Midwest nice which is hard for me as opposed to what I see is like genuine connection.

That's not everyone you can't lump anyone you can't lump everyone into a specific geographic but it makes me feel more angular

edgy.

I think I'm pretty basic so that's a weird thing to feel like I'm a pretty basic white girl in Milwaukee Wisconsin.

So I'm working on the balance of accepting that about myself and figuring out what I want to do about it.

think mine I mean obviously motherhood is just the biggest shift I think possible in your life. So I that's how I've changed. I mean there's so many things that go along with that and I agree with a lot of what you said but for myself I would just like to have more joy.

(...)

in my day to day

I was still a public school teacher which I loved in a lot of ways but it was hard to go to work in the morning most mornings because you just know you're in for a lot of hard.

(...)

And so like you know my first couple of years I would pray every morning like how many you know bring happiness to my kids or like how help me have a happy day it'd be about like happiness.(...) And then I realized you know when Charlie started getting a little bit older like it's not happiness it's joy because joy can still be you know in raw hard moments you can still have joy.(...) Yeah. So then the last couple of years that was always my prayer on the way to school like help me feel joyful help me bring joy.

And I've made some changes in my life to not have to

help as much with that one. Like I'm not you know teaching in public school which is really hard.

But

still times when I really could have some more joy and like when my house is messy or my husband doesn't get home when I think he's going to get home or you know

that joy is that joy or is that happiness though. I mean happiness.

(...)

Well the messy house I can have joy about I could say look at all of our things that we own like right now I can say there's a bunch of crafting stuff out because we're making Halloween costumes. You know like that can be joyful

happy. I can also bring happiness when my house is clean.

guess I'm just what's the difference between happiness and joy.

just think happiness is feel good and easy. Happiness is easy.(...) Joy is not necessarily easy. Joy can be present in most of your life. Happiness is not going to be present in a large portion of life. I feel oh I feel the opposite.

What not in every respect. Yes happiness I think is easier. But I think you can manufacture happiness. I think you can actually make happiness a constant. I think you can like a little dopamine situation totally okay.

Like a pedicure or some chocolate.

Yes you can totally manufacture your life in a way where you have the routine the lifestyle whatever that actually provides you with happiness.(...) I think joy is so much deeper. There's a little bit more of a profound

to whatever is bringing you joy. And that I don't think you can really manipulate into being.

Well but it's so much about perspective.

Absolutely.

(...)

And you're very true.

Emotional spiritual well-being at least for me.

so maybe joy seeking could be a practice versus

Yes. Habit driven.

I don't I don't know. I think for me it's truly a mindset shift.

you know that mindset book that everybody read.

saw it sitting on my shelf and it's been years since I read it but I was like oh yeah.

(...)

My friend Hannah. Oh my gosh. This literally is making me angry saying it but she's right.

well that's a choice

basically like your mindset is a choice which is such a string player thing to say. But at a certain point like it is.

Yeah. So I think if I could just really practice that have a mindset of just accepting the joy and seeing the joy more often that's always helpful in my day to day with small children.

do you feel truly supported by the people closest to you or do you sometimes feel alone in your struggles.

I think there's different people for different supports.

I

go to Kevin for support for something.(...) Other times I'm going to go to my sisters or my friends.

I guess I don't know how to answer that.

Do you truly feel support

Yeah.

(...)

I think Kevin

and I have the most dissonance with this at the moment because we're literally doing life together so we have the most opportunity for you know feeling misunderstood at the moment.(...) But I do think there's you know it's hard to communicate.

I have all these part time jobs right now

so many things floating around and I'm trying to schedule time to do that work

between naps and some child care and then when he's home.(...) But then he does a you know nine to five job and he's gone all day but then he comes home and he still wants to chill but I want to clean the house. I guess you know there's just a lot to juggle right now in our lives. So I know he supports me at the core of it but day to day interactions are sometimes challenging for us at this stage

makes a lot of sense. Yeah. How much you do you feel alone in your struggle. No.

That's good. That's great.(...) I mean motherhood's hard

being a person is hard but I just assume it's hard for everybody.(...) Yeah.

I feel the same. I actually I do feel supported by the people closest to me. Kyle's.

I mean I feel a little.

have some community building to do here

Milwaukee

I more often than not feel really lucky

the number of people that I could call who you know on any given day for any given struggle that they might uniquely be able to tackle with me. Yeah.

Well we're getting spicy. If you could change one thing about a relationship what would it be. And like why you

and like our relationship

like ours. What do you think Kelly is personal yet.

No. I mean mine's gonna be nice. Oh say it. I wish we lived closer.

Wait that was mine. I was immediately like.

(...)

All right. That was annoying and sappy. Moving on.

(...)

there anything you wish. Yeah. I understood better about you.

Whoa. But haven't asked. Now I'm wishing I would have read these ahead of time. Huh.

I find it so helpful when you don't understand me. Or when my actions or behavior cause friction or confusion or

for you because

in those situations I'm getting in my own way.

I think with you specifically it's generally helpful for me when you don't understand me.

Like it's a data point of like

people might also feel this way.

No I just get called out by you.

(...)

And it's just I don't know it's just helpful for self knowledge because I'm like

do I feel validated in my in my perspective. Sometimes yes because we're just different people and that's fine. Or sometimes it's like seriously. Yeah. Get get over yours. Like calm down. Like what's your deal.

(...)

So I guess it's an interesting piece of our relationship to me is when you don't understand me.

We're really annoying right now. Yeah. I hate us. Me too. I think you understand me better than myself sometimes.

(...)

Oh honestly I mean you're four years older. She's four years older.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you.

(...) So like you've watched me grow.

(...)

Yeah I hate us. All right. We're really lucky. I love us. All right. Can I move us along. Yeah.

Oh this is funny. You're not going to care about this question and I am. What do you think your life would look like if you weren't worried about other people's expectations.(...) Emily says exactly the same.

(...)

No actually not at all.

Oh really. Yeah.

my immediate thought is I think if I wasn't worried about other people's expectations I think I would just like take some cash. Like I would liquidate something in our life and I don't know buy a freaking ranch somewhere. I would be in Montana and I would be like probably like throwing my head against the window trying to start some sort of like digital free online.

(...)

Like some sort of business that is digital that I would help me create a lifestyle where I could fly back home when I wanted

stopping you from doing that.

My responsibility to Kyle to our family to Karen. Yeah.

Just like because Karen can't have expectations yet

that was my next question.

I guess like that's a wildly irresponsible and I also don't have a good idea. I also don't. I just think I probably would experiment a lot more.

there are familial expectations like familial extended family friends expectations. Yeah expectations of being responsible.

And those are all really good. I'm not resentful. I'm grateful more than anything else. But that was my gut feeling. It was like I'll live on a prairie in a cabin.

(...)

It'd be like try I'd probably try homesteading and probably fail and I don't know.

Yeah that's a funny image to me because you love cities.

So I'm so confused why you picked Montana. That's why I'd have to figure out how to generate a lot of revenue so that I could get to cities really often.

Like for like once a week. Like we're not talking like.

(...)

See this is why you're good for me. Called out. I'm just telling you where my gut went. Yeah. And would I ever move away from our family? No. Like I'm not even going to do that. And I

love that you circle back to those are really good grounding things because I think

forget about are we

see those grounding realities as a positive thing. Yeah. Like I'm not sure when that shift happened because our parents are all like you know those things are the most important. I feel like in general not specifically our parents but that generation of you know boomers and

whoever's next.

those realities and doing the right thing is the most important thing. And then we've totally pivoted the other way.(...) So it's good I think to acknowledge that we can have dreams and we can achieve some of them. And it's okay to not achieve all of them.

Yeah.

(...)

I'm like I'm 22. I'm going to accomplish all my dreams. Oh you're right.

(...)

You are. Yeah. Reality track. Thank you.

was your life. What do you think your life would look like if you weren't worried about other people's expectations.

Yeah it's funny. I'd also be out West. I think I probably would be just outside. I might have done. I mean this is if I didn't marry Kevin. And so it's not even an expectation. If I was single I maybe would have done my hiking and then I'd be doing something else super outdoorsy.

(...)

I don't know.

has this book from the library. It's like

shot firefighters in the wilderness and it's the ones that like fight like wildfires and oh I did not know about this group of people. And according to this children's book that's really intense. They like backpack and climb and hike and lift weights all day. So they're ready. Yeah. To like go fight fires. And I was like that could be me.

(...)

I'm pretty sure that's what her sister does. Oh can we have her on the pod. Well Megan. Yeah I've already asked.

Oh that's so cool.

I don't know who became a certified doula. Oh after Megan gave birth and she was there for Megan's birth.

So let's change this question. Callie would just be Emma.

(...)

Yeah

feel like you're living a life aligned with your values or are you compromising in ways you wish you didn't have to.

(...)

I guess

I wish that I could have twice the hours and every day so that I could spend.

I don't. I was going to say it's like

as much as much time with my children

also have

said that and I was like I kind of like the break sometimes but my values

want me to be super present for my kids

to have like a really

hand in

day to day like all the time.

And then I also want a career which means not always being with my kids which does clash with my values at this stage in life.

(...)

feel like

your family up for financial success is part of the value.(...) I used to.

more and more I'm kind of like money is money. I

I'd like financial stability and like to not have to worry about it and to go on nice trips and go to Montana and that'll be nice. But I think it's more about the like work aspect for me. I really like problem solving not just with my household.

So I'm hearing you correctly. You don't actually think that work is within your value structure.

(...)

For myself because Kevin could be the only one working and we could just be really poor for a while.

But you like work. I mean yes.

See I'm confused. I'm not sure if if I if it was like Kevin wants us to be more financially secure. So he's mostly the reason why I'm careful about like what jobs I'm going to do and what the income is going to be.

(...)

Because

really wants to make sure we're like saving well for retirement which good thing he's here because I would probably be like it'll come.

(...) Yeah.

think without him having that feeling I'd probably be like well you're making enough for us to survive right now.

(...)

piece it together and figure it out later.

(...)

But but see this is confusing because I'm not mad about it like again I like working and I do feel very blessed this year that every job I'm doing I actually love to do. Yeah.

(...)

Like

was back at the school I used to teach at yesterday and they were just asking me about life and I'm just looking around the public school thinking wow I get to do all of the parts of this job that I loved and I don't have to do any of the stupid parts.(...) So it's great. Like I love it. I just still am at odds with

to be that mom that's so chill with just kids all around because I'm used to it and I just mean you are that mom.

(...)

to the extreme of other women in my

You feel like I'm on to me when you're in my house I'm in your house with kids good.

(...)

Could you move yourself. I mean you're it sounds like you personally really value work you like work. So are you. Value

it or I like. Oh I did. Okay.

I value working hard but being a mom is working hard. There's no way in which I could not work hard in this stage of my life.

just think it's enough that you like working. I mean do you value yourself more when you're working because you can what you haven't talked about is yourself in this equation. You've talked about values that apply to your kids. You know Kevin.

kind of have fun doing my other jobs. I mean they're stressful sometimes but yeah I guess I enjoy them because they're more exciting

the grind.(...) If you're with your kids all the time and you're just like

mean do you value your kids seeing you having joy and happiness in your life for yourself. Yes.

Yeah that's fair. It just sounded like you're trivializing the work that you like to do because you keep saying I like it I like it I like it knowing you. You don't really care if you like something you're like well that's fluffy that's nice that's whatever.

(...)

Yeah

that's why because it's like my jobs are fun for me right now

the child rearing is harder.

(...)

So I'm like totally.

I just think it's

legit though like their grandma watches them when you're not with them or Charlie's a Montessori. He's a Montessori which he loves. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No that's huh. That's interesting.

I guess I was worried it was about the money but actually talking it out the money pieces is partly there like I like you know I wanted those corduroy pants from quince which I definitely wouldn't do if I wasn't working right now because we would not have any extra literally any extra income.

(...)

a little bit of that for me but I guess a lot of the financial piece is also just like being in a partnership with my husband who wants to be responsible with our money

is also

valid reason to be working.

(...)

Interesting.

(...)

What was the question. I don't remember.

It's your turn. Do you feel like you're living a life aligned with your values or are you compromising in ways you wish you didn't have to. All right.

That

unclear.

(...)

Yeah. I don't think it's in progress.(...) Yep.

I'm the same for different reasons.

are some values. It's disproportionate

now.

It's something I'm working on is just being OK with the pause in trying to figure out how to balance everything.

What do you mean disproportionate.

out of balance my life right now the way my Monday through Friday looks is

you were to have value pillars they would not be equal.

(...)

So I'm just in a season and I am trying to value this season for what it is which is Kieran is

small.

(...)

a little over a year.

I'm able to be with him almost constantly which is incredible.

And you know pour into him and

a newer chapter which maybe we will

about in our next solo episode to get there.

Yes I think my life is aligning with my values right now because Kyle I talk about them constantly and we have a plan to make sure that they all come into focus the way we want.

we are prioritizing them but I would say our day to day both of us in this moment know it is not aligned. It's like us fighting to line them up.

(...)

And part of my work right now is to just

OK with that.

Yeah I'm getting the feeling from every working mom that I know that that is constant to your kids are grown.

Yes.(...) Well as your kids grow that you need to readjust you need to reprioritize you need to kind of like put some values on my back burner they're not gone. They have disappeared but they're not

and foremost. So

also heard that and that makes a lot of sense. I think this is the first time in my life where I'm like oh yeah fully hear that feel it right in my bones right now. Yeah. The answer is no. And I'm not concerned about it which is

Yes and no.

Yeah. Here we are.

How do you think our upbringing shaped who we are today. Like I don't know.

I do think family loyalty is huge.

Oh yeah. And you and I have never like gotten into a huge riff.

But. Oh.

things were hunky-dory when we were kids. Like we fought a lot.

All of us know I was really mean. I was fully a psychological bully for sure.

It was a big wimp. But.

But I think even if something does go down like we will be so loyal. I mean that's true for our extended family too. Oh 100 percent loyalty is huge.(...) Huge.

And just exploring and being curious. I think is I think loyalty is a standard for a lot of families. I think the curiosity is kind of more unique to ours.

Curiosity and focus on personal growth. I mean.

I would say mom and dad's parenting.

Very much the style. And this is something I really want to give to Karen. When I would come home with a problem from school or play group or whatever.

I if there was a problem they would never rush to defend. They would be like oh

You had that count. You had that problem. What was what was going on with that person. Why do you think this happened. How did you know what. How did you handle it. Yeah. What did you do. How did you use your agency in this specific situation. Or what are you going to do about it. If you'd like to talk that through with me. That's fine. And we always knew that if there was an issue of safety or we could always rely on them to protect and defend. Always. But their first stop was always what did you do though.

(...)

Yeah I was so surprised in high school my freshman year. I had a class that it was supposed to be an English class and we ended up watching six different movies all about genocide. Which looking back and like that was ridiculous. And I was having nightmares like it was bad. I mean horrible. I mean like Schindler's list Hotel Rwanda. Black Hawk down. Oh my God.

I mean I mean it was. I've never seen Schindler's list. I don't think I could handle that.

think I'm glad I've watched it. I'm not glad that it was freshman year but I never would have chosen to watch it by myself. So I'm kind of glad I've you know been forced to watch it once. But it was ridiculous. And I remember mom calling my English teacher and I was like what. She's doing what. Because that's not the norm.

And basically. They're very outside their behavioral patterns. And actually all she did was

really question why he was doing it. And then she was unhappy with the answer. And I knew that she called him Mr. Genocide for the rest of high school.

(...)

Savage Annalarie.

All that went down was he said you don't have to watch these movies. If you'd like to go to the library you can.

So she didn't even say like my daughter will not be watching these movies. It was like it was a movie. It was still my choice.

I was so surprised when she called because that's not their style.

Well but their style is why are you why. Why. Let me ask the questions first. Let me not just take my experience and ram it down your throat. But like

you tell me your thought process behind this before you get into it. Yeah. Getting context on the situation. But there was also a high bar.(...) I mean a they expected us to tackle our own life and happen to our life in that way. And also there were expectations

in terms of our behavior.

They expected us to do it well.

(...)

Yeah. However we responded.

Yep.

honestly kind of rare in our generation that kind of parenting. Maybe I'm wrong.

But I just hear about all of the issues with parents and kids and daycare and kids which that's different. The kid doesn't have a unity as much then. But you know I hear from school teachers all the time that the parents are the biggest problem. And I'm just like

can you not trust your 10 year old.

Their kids are so smart.

you measure your success by traditional standards or your own.

Are you satisfied with where you are.

don't think I measure my success by traditional standards.

think that's

product of

homeschooled for most of my school age years. But also our parents. I think our parents made a ton of nontraditional choices that.

Like in hindsight are pretty amazing. Just

They're cool people. So no I don't think I really measure them by traditional standards. I think I measure them by my own. But I do. I do need external validation which I've always gotten from work.

you know what. I guess I get my marriage.

(...)

We're the only two who measure that success.

And we measure that by just each other's satisfaction day to day.

talk a lot about big big picture things small picture things.

I don't know. That's a really hard question actually.(...) I guess the second one's easy for me. Are you satisfied with where you are. Absolutely not. I think I'm always hungry and it will be a while before I figure out how not to be.(...) And I'm OK with that.

(...)

It's funny.(...) I'm grateful. I'm always grateful. Yeah.

(...)

not satisfied.

about you.

I mean I'm usually pretty traditional.

But then I go rogue

just like our parents

pretty traditional on paper and then not when you dig deeper.

kind of a hard question.

I do think if I'm adding value to the world that's a good marker for me.

So am I adding value in the jobs that I'm choosing to do. Am I pouring into my husband my kids.

how do I tell. I don't know.(...) Hope.

I do. I mean external validation is probably a larger marker for me than I want it to be.

when I'm receiving a lot of external validation I'm feeling pretty good. I think that's pretty common for most human beings. Yeah.

think as you're talking I'm like non traditional traditional. Like I don't in my career and in my choice of lifestyle or living it's always been prompted by curiosity like am I curious about this work or this thing or this industry or this place. OK I'm going to get after that. I'm just really it feels like scratching an itch. I'm curious about how I measure up to that thing and how I can grow.

(...)

But I think.

I'm measuring by my own standards I'm like are you cool. Like how cool do you feel doing this. And it's not like a popular kid club thing it's like do these people think I'm cool. It's like do I think my life is cool right now. I think it's cool. It's because I'm doing things I'm interested in.

That's why I'm serving whatever community I think is

at that moment.

fear or insecurity you struggle with that you barely talk about.

I have plenty but I feel like I talk about. I don't know what to do with them.

I

a fear often like sometimes I'll leave social interactions and I'll be like.

my words harmful because I just.

very quickly.

sometimes I worry him too

in a way that is harmful or that I didn't give enough. I didn't give those around me enough space.

I steamrolled.

(...)

The one I think about the most right now is truly my parenting.

But it's because I'm getting.

External criticism.

Which I think most millennial parents are.

(...)

it's not a unique struggle.(...) Like a lot of people resonate with that.

I don't even know that it's a generational generationally specific struggle.

I think our grandparents are unique in that.

Grandma just has always adored.

Mom and just loves so hard that and mom so great. I mean she could do nothing wrong in grandma's eyes I think.

(...)

And for Baba and grandpa I mean I've talked with them about this. They've made.

Such an intentional choice to just support their adult children in their.

Marriages.

(...)

they just don't.

Comment in their child raising. I mean they just I know it's a conscious decision and they.

(...)

Do it so well and so gracefully so I don't think our examples are typical.

That is so true. I've never thought about that. I remember this is probably around the same time as that horse shirt era for me.(...) But I remember mom had been through.

(...)

I don't need to like spread mom's hardships on the podcast.

But it had been a very hard time in her life.

knew that things were really tough

was

very sad and I knew that and I wasn't old enough to understand why. And there were reasons that make a lot of sense.

I remember we were driving somewhere and it was

like the kids and mom and Baba and Baba's in the front seat.(...) And I just remember her looking at mom and saying.

(...)

You are such a great partner or something like this to Mark and I'm just so grateful that you're here for my son.

I mean this was probably.

20 plus years ago.

Yeah. Yeah.

She says it to me on the phone all the time.

(...)

I think she said I think this was yesterday. I called her for her birthday.

She said.

(...)

Yeah you know you're my son married the opposite of his mother. He found a woman who was my opposite in every way and she is just the best thing for him. She is what he needed. You know that it's too much. Yeah too much. It is too much. Anyways.

Moving out.

(...) Apparently that's where we were. Again. When we're like oh that was a nice moment. Move it along.

Let's not sit in it and bat. Let's keep her movement. Yeah.

What are you most afraid of when it comes to the future.

Mom says we have to swear less and I listen everything she says. She was darling was on some stuff.

afraid of when I have school aged children having to make choices like where are they going to go to school. When are they going to get phones like logistical stuff.

(...)

That's really messy right now.

(...)

that's actually horrifying to think about.(...) Yeah.

I'm also I mean we're about to have an election.

(...)

Oh and I've just stopped thinking about it. Can I say on this podcast there's not a great answer.(...) I love to say that like it's bad people.

(...)

It is bad and I by the time this comes out people will have hopefully all of them voted. For me there's no way I'm going to get it. All of them voted.

It's so funny you went smaller like oh phones which yeah I actually think about that a lot. I think about phones and guns in school constantly. My child is one.

was afraid of I went to like when I'm 60 or when I'm 50 and it's unrealized potential like knowing that there were areas in which I let unrealized potential slip. And I don't have regrets in my life really. I don't hold on to them. I think it's like a trait I have from dad. I don't really remember a lot of the terrible memory but I don't regret.

(...)

I really firmly believe life. Life happens for you generally.(...) You just learn the lesson and you use it to do better in the future.

But I've been

about

regrets ever since Kieran was born. Like it was a big turning point. What am I going to regret. What am I going to regret doing. What am I going to regret not doing. Regret has showed up. The possibility of regret has showed up a lot more for me which is interesting. There

always be unused potential or unidentified potential. So it's I don't know how to hedge my bets against that one. I mean I think you just do your best.

I'm wondering if there's a way for you to become less ambitious for a little bit.

What.

(...)

What do you mean.

you have actually made the drastic choice to be fully with Kieran all the time.

Right now. Which is great. I'm wondering if you could embrace that.

But unrealized potential. I'm not just saying myself. I'm saying like for Kieran like.

Oh he was really good at hockey when he was six and we decided that it was not great for him to be traveling to all these things we didn't want to put all our money into taking him places because he had siblings. Could he have been like a huge hockey star. Like I'm not saying for my career. I'm just like wow my choices really matter now I think is.

I literally just said in my head oh I'm like at a performance degree and I got a music ed degree.

(...)

Because to me I'm like who is he's a great hockey player like that'd be cool but is he a good human. And I know you believe those things.

(...)

Yeah I guess I just like the ambition to me is so much less that.

I don't know I'm that ambitious actually.

That's funny. I don't think you let your ambition get in the way of your values. I think if you didn't have this strong of values you'd be extremely ambitious.

(...) Oh interesting.

(...)

I don't know. I never really thought about it.

(...)

What would you do if money or fear of failure wasn't a fact during your career decisions.

I think I would I would run this podcast with you. I might expand to have one with Kyle actually.

it's just been such a fun way to build community so far. Like I'm just it's been really fun hearing from people. And we're at this point recording. We're two weeks in. You know. Which is just awesome.(...) And I love having conversations with interesting people.

So I would expand more on that. I just enjoy it. And I think I would

pop up experiences in weird places with shops all over the city and curate really fun beverage pairings. Like I would just love to create ridiculous experiences for people where they can step out of their really busy

to day their stressful life. And we can say hey three hours to your point. Put your phone in this basket. Enjoy these people's company and get totally immersed and lost in this world of really interesting flavor and texture. And I think that would be fun. I

would do one of those once a month probably.

(...)

Just for fun.

(...)

Oh I might run like a little travel company. Just getting people into like a select group of people who are actually really curious about viticulture or the food of a different region and giving them like I don't want it to get blown out of proportion. You know like I just think the Internet's ruined a lot of places now for people. But

I don't know. I'm just spitballing.

Those things don't sound fun to me.

you?

be a lot of nature involved things like just hiking different places and traveling.

think I would still do choirs. I don't know that I would like I don't want to say I would just teach. I don't like just teaching. I like directing.

(...)

I would start with all the really do this podcast though. I was really agreeing with what you were saying.

It's just been really nice. It's been so nice. I loved it.

I would start an O'Leary family compound.

(...) Like how many O'Leary's?

Just the first one.

Just the four sisters.

like we could opt in and out of. In our houses I wouldn't want our houses to like see each other's. Yeah. I want there to be a common space.

Money's no object. I'm buying up like 100 acres. And we're just you know. And I just think it'd be fun. Like what we could create together I think would be fun. I think if we I'd give us like you know all of us two or three months salary and just kind of see what happened as a social experiment.

Like we didn't work. Like we're just like living in community.

(...) Yeah. Like what happens. What do you want it. What do you want to do at this time.

(...)

Are you is Sadie planting like a massive vegetable garden and homesteading like she always said she would. Am I building out like a ridiculous wine cellar and like creating who knows.

You know what is happening. Sadie's going no Kelly I'm not going. I'm saying OK. See you at 8 a.m. for a group workout session and Sadie saying have fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

(...)

Yeah. No you've got like the yoga studio happening. Yeah. And I always just don't do yoga like something that makes me sweat more.

No I do it. Yeah. No I'm not very good at it. Naomi has a sweet recording studio going on and the boys and the boys in Naomi in my head actually.

(...)

Oh 100.

(...)

Boys in Naomi and this like cool windowed recording studio.

Oh my God. No it's the boys being horrifying and Naomi. Hey get it together. Oh no.

I was picturing her being like oh yeah. Maybe she smoked a little weed but she doesn't do it all. But sometimes my head she's like oh that was cool sound. Yeah I'm going to add that. What I'm saying is oh that was actually cool.

(...) I bet Naomi has a blueprint in her head though or she comes up with one later. And the boys are just like. And

then suddenly it's this like cool digital somewhere other.

(...)

Yeah.

we didn't get through all of chat GPT's questions but I mean honestly

you chat GPT. Yeah that was fruitful.(...) Yeah. Nice moderator.(...)

I'm going to try to convince Sadie and Naomi to come on.

Oh absolutely.

We have to do your husbands too. Anyways

you so much everyone who's been tuning in. It's been a delight to share conversations with you and share family members with you. We've got Auntie Megan coming up next week which will be a treat.

And our mother.

(...)

Oh yeah. Some grandmas. Yeah.

(...)

think you and I are both just hoping to create valuable conversation. So if there's something that you know our listeners really want to hear about it's probably something that you and I also really want to talk about. Yeah.

Eventually.

(...)

Yeah we're going to have some experts on. So please do let us know if there's anything you'd like us to address with the experts. We will cue some up for your listening pleasure.

(...)

And in these beginning stages it is really really helpful to get our subscription count up. So if you haven't already

please write or if you can that'd be great.

Yes please give us a follow on Spotify, Apple podcast anywhere you listen. We're also on TikTok.

(...)

I have no idea how to TikTok.

(Music)

(...)

You've been listening to The Real Mom Hub. Our music is by Naomi O'Leary. You can find us on social at The Real Mom Hub. We're not the authority or even very educated on the medical issues discussed. Do your own research. Talk to an expert. Make your own decisions. And call us if you learn anything new.

If you like what you hear, follow us on Instagram. Or better yet, subscribe to our newsletter. If you don't, that's fine. We can all move on. Our purpose here is community, so if we've resonated with you, tell a friend. Thanks for listening.