Episode 19: Fear Setting Deep Dive: Overcoming Overwhelm & Making Confident Decisions

Ever feel paralyzed by the “what ifs” of motherhood, marriage, or major life decisions? How about unsure about major choices? Us too. In this episode, Cally asks Emily to walk through the powerful Fear Setting exercise she and Kyle recently did—a tool that’s been a total game changer for handling tough choices with clarity and confidence. They break down how they handled a big choice they had to make together earlier this year, and take you through how they arrived at a unified decision. The framework they used ultimately helped reduce stress and overwhelm, and also helped them get clear on how to handle potential failures. Whether you’re a mom, mom-to-be, or just someone navigating big decisions, this episode will help you tackle fear head-on and move forward with more peace of mind. Side effects may include: feeling more convicted in the choices you’ve made and capable in executing towards your chosen path. Let’s rationalize your anxieties, plan for risks, and move forward with confidence.

Grab your FREE fear setting framework here:  https://the-real-mom-hub.kit.com/97102ab896

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

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Transcript

(...)

I do. I will mute myself and finish eating my chocolate.

I want some. I need a little pick me up. It's kind of like the slump of the afternoon nap time. Like when I want to be napping, like I've just soothed my kids asleep.

(...)

I'm looking at him on the monitor right now and he is for sure not asleep.

(...)

Well I will say I've started a afternoon coffee ritual where as soon as I get Nora in bed, I reward myself with yep. Here she is.

Cheers.

She hasn't kicked in yet. But well I've also been adding dark chocolate to the ritual so this bar actually stays in my office now.

Oh that's what I need.

(...)

There's a life life hacks. Yep you're welcome.

(...)

It's like a classic anolary move.

Oh I know. So today we're talking about fear setting. Hopefully you've had enough coffee for this conversation because you're in the hot seat.

(...)

So the reason is you like briefly mentioned fear setting. Yeah I think it was episode 10. Okay so the funny part is to you it's like oh yeah I did this thing. But to me and to apparently a bunch of listeners it's sort of like wow that was brilliant. Like it's a little bit earth shattering which you think is funny. I do. Just a difference in personalities I suppose. So for those of you that have not, those of us I should say, that have not thought to do this ourselves,

(...)

you're gonna share what it looks like, how you do it. You made your spreadsheet pretty for the rest of us so that we can do it ourselves and it's prettier than when you do it. But maybe you can start using it now because it's pretty.(...) Oh yeah true.

Well I have like my notebook, like my green notebook where everything goes. Like when I need to journal something through like it goes in there. And the fear setting I've done for years by myself, like if I need to work through a problem or if I'm feeling anticipation or anxiety about an upcoming thing.

(...)

But when we were, when I was choosing or figuring out if I was going to leave the workforce temporarily that was a fear setting that Kyle and I did together and it was the first time we did that. Definitely won't be the last, it was super helpful.

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So all you need is a journal, really, and a pen. But yes I did make a little spreadsheet just to kind of like set a spreadsheet. It's a really pretty little pamphlet that you can download. We'll link to it in our episode as well as on social.

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Hopefully it's helpful to everyone.

(...)

This is actually the first like, excuse me, choking on my dark chocolate. The first like true listener request episode where people are like I want to know more about this. And some people have even said like I used that model and it was great.

(...)

So yeah.

Well I need to say I've done this for years so I'm not really sure where I came across it. I do know it did not, it is not a product of my own brain or my creativity. So I know I definitely did not come up with this at all. I'm sure I learned about it in some self-help book. Google tells me that it's popularly attributed to Tim Ferris which is super check out. I'll call it him for years. So if anyone wants an alternative framework, Google, Tim Ferris, fear setting, we can just go ahead and attribute this to him right now. Love it. So anyways.

Let's talk about Emily O'Leary's fear setting in this stage of your life which is the stage of matrescence and a host of other things.(...) Correct.

(...)

Yeah. Yeah set us up. Sure. So okay if I look at the date on the top of this journal it goes back to August of this year. So summer.

(...)

And I was still working full-time as was Kyle and we knew that there were big shifts on the horizon. We knew that he was going to be shifting into a different industry for his career and that was upcoming this fall.

(...)

We also at this point you know I had anticipated you know looking for a different job but still remaining full-time in the workforce and this is around the time when we found out that we would need a full new child care shift in the fall. We need to find new help and I was like that just feels wrong.

(...)

I've got a lot of feels about that. So it was the first time that we were like you know what what if you just if you just watch the kid and you don't go back to work you know and the whole while this crazy fall is happening for Kyle and his career is just a crazy time. So the other thing was my postpartum and matrescence rocked me so hard as an individual as Kieran we were like okay I was telling Kyle I can't go on this roller coaster for years and years we're probably gonna have to try again for another kid pretty soon.(...) So and I'm like I don't really want to be looking for another job while I'm trying to get pregnant and I'm getting really sick when I'm pregnant like I did.

I'm just gonna pause you just so that people can feel like they're not alone. Like what you're saying is you thought you were going to work through having kids. Yes I didn't work the whole time. You didn't realize how intense the emotional, physical, spiritual, everything changes of having a child and you were like I don't want to be doing these things together.

(...) Yes we have some things I can't pause.(...) I need to focus on others. We just need to redistribute what I'm focusing on and I don't know if you can hear the anxiety in my voice. You're going so fast I'm

like I'm feeling it right now. Let that sink in. Maybe for you too.

Yes I have feelings I honestly honestly right now and did at the time and it's kind of full circle to be circling back on these lists that Kyle and I made in August before I you know when we were talking about me just leaving the workforce.

(...)

So just keep drinking your coffee let's get all the adrenaline going. Oh my god. Full anxiety. Sure why not.

Why not. And I think we should also tell listeners if you go back and listen to episode 10 we cover a lot of this so I don't want to say things we've already said in this podcast but give that a re-listen if if you'd like and that should be noted I did leave my job in September so we published that in December. At this point we're all caught up the timeline of our real lives and when we release episodes but at the time it came out a little later. So anyways I got my little notebook here.

(...)

Look at that.(...) So this is where Kyle and I have our annual like goal setting or dream setting session which we did a few weeks ago. It's where we did the fear setting.

And what does that look like like you know some people do a weekend away. Kevin and I are gonna actually try to do that. I'm guessing that's not what your life looked like.

I love a weekend away.

Yeah Gammy's coming Valentine's Day weekend which the timing was not on purpose but she's coming to watch our kids so we can do an overnight to cross country ski and goal set fear set.

(...) Okay well let's start with the fear setting and then I'll tell you what we did this year for goal setting and what we've done previously and you can see what resonates and what you hate you know whatever. Love it. Okay so we were fear setting about two things so we were saying our fears out loud about two things. Kyle's new job which he didn't know what it was gonna be yet and me quitting my job. So one thing Kyle's new job we'd known was coming.(...) Mine was new. Mine was like a oh god seismic shift.

So was this like a you both have these fears it was like a it's time we need to talk about them or is it more like hey what are your fears what are you like is it like a date conversation material how this comes up or it's like you both had a need it's like okay it's time to fear set.

(...)

We both had a need time to fear set. Okay. No it seems silly to you and I promise it's like for some of us I don't know I wouldn't have thought to do it so okay. Well I was to answer my questions.

Sure I'm here for it. It was big stuff for us at the time so we I know we had anxieties we needed to make sure that we were aligned if we were gonna make this big decision together and I think writing it out writing it down saying it out loud what we did we were sitting in the car we actually went for a long drive and we made a column for Kyle's fears and we made a column for mine and we we just wrote them down he well I dictated for him but he said he named his and I received them neutrally like no response just wrote them all down same with mine if you look at the fear setting framework that we are gonna link to in this episode I'm just gonna go through kind of a more structured way of doing this exercise we kind of loosely followed it in our case so the first step is you define your fear so what is the thing you're afraid of doing and get super super specific don't leave anything out be honest and then you want to say the worst case out loud so if everything goes to shit what does that look like if you mean fish sorry if everything goes to fish what does that look like if your life is a dumpster fire due to this choice be honest about that okay once you've kind of said that you're out loud define your worst case then you can move into okay so hypothetically our life is a living hell how do we if we see that coming how do we prevent it like what are the things that we can do to make sure that our worst case doesn't happen first of all second of all if it does happen and you know the preventative measures don't work out how would we repair the situation okay so those things I think happen pretty naturally for us if we're having if we call one of these meetings we know at this point in our marriage that we're here for a constructive outcome we're here to problem-solve we're here and we're just business meeting this

is a business meeting we're looking for solutions and it's funny I don't think we you know we don't think of partnerships like a business oh god

I(...) gotta go here pause one sec no it's fine just we're

back folks would you listen we're I should have kept it running because I could hear like scraping and thumbs after you said oh god and ran out of the room oh that

was just me going up the stairs no I had Karen's monitor in front of me and usually he goes down for a nap really well but we were out of we were out visiting someone today he fell asleep in the car we're actually visiting me and see who was his primary caretaker I know sweet it's nice to see her anyways he's fine I just watched him chuck his his sleep buddy out of the crib and then the blanket and then I watched him try and climb out of the which yeah he's very top-heavy so you know at a certain point gravity just takes effect and I caught him before that happened but here we are so Kyle's taking his lunch break watching this child while we wrap up this episode

okay we were we were talking I was just saying like I don't think of a partnership as in a marriage right like when two people don't have a family I don't think of it like a business and I think there's times like this fear-setting when that's probably valuable is to think more like business meeting how can we be productive and make our goals aligned I don't think like that this is why this is so good okay continue oh no I super do

I know I'm learning awesome well of course we like our romantic and we love each other we have that side to our relationship but it's almost nice for me to manage the like business partnership stuff into these little boxes like we're gonna do it during this exercise so that we don't have to be siptoeing around these issues later on and

right like I'm sure the romance is better and the friendship is better when you deal with these things I

would think so I wouldn't know this is how we've done it for a while I don't know right continue so I don't even remember where we were in the car yeah so I've taken you know us through I think maybe the four first steps you define your fear you talk about your worst case scenario you talk about how you can prevent that you talk about what happens if it does happen mm-hmm those are pretty natural things those four things for us to walk through I think I'm a dreamer too like I tend to look into the future and get excited about it so number five when you're identifying the upsides is kind of always present for me so that is you know like what could be incredible if I make this choice yeah like what are these upsides why might I be doing this in pursuit of what what dream and then the last one and this one it's the cost of inaction so if you don't make this choice now if you stay stagnant if you don't do the thing what's gonna happen to you yeah put a timeline on it is it gonna be like in six months what's going on what about a year five years I don't think we did that one specifically but I think it's valuable nonetheless

so have you ever done fear setting for something that is not exciting right like you know you are thinking about career changes that are going to be beneficial do you ever have things that you're afraid of that you don't have a good solution for probably this one okay because you're actually just have less income than you used to

well it's not even about income it's time it's capacity it's I don't know how to solve for those things when the reason they don't exist is because I'm caring for a tiny human which I've chosen so can you lay out what your fear

was yeah I will just same fear yeah here

same here well listeners can text us or write in or whatever and tell us if these do line up with fears that they've had so for we'll start with Kyle's new job because we were fear setting for two things and he was worked from home very flexible had been in his current role for you know like seven years or something at this point so the fears there were really basic his were having to leave the house aka like leave cure enemy in times when maybe we need to take him for an appointment or whatever he was like yeah I just I just won't be a part of the family did you know yeah so that was one fear childcare was another fear because he was able to help out a lot and then do we need two cars those are basic things where we kind of wrote those down we didn't really talk about it because we're like yeah checks out yeah comes with a territory yeah me quitting Kyle's columns were longer Kyle Kyle's column was longer so his first fear was insurance we had really great insurance through my corporate job at the time literally just running out of money another one of his and I should have asked him about this before we started recording my feelings on sacrifice my me Emily like Emily's feelings on sacrifice oh that was his fear that was his fear and I think it's a really well-founded fear he'd never watched me sacrifice my comfort and needs and wants daily yeah he's he'd watched me sacrifice situationally but not yeah consistently so that I mean that hit I was like really reasonable though mm-hmm another fear of his was how I would structure my time like what will I be doing with all of this time that I have off sure but still I'm doing a job when will I go back to work like what will that look like if I take a few years off or several like we don't really know what it looks like once I'm out of the workforce when does that time end he's afraid of that he's afraid of managing a budget because frankly we never have had we never budgeted we've had savings goals but we've never needed to we're really lucky and then his last fear was okay so we do all this we shift our life drastically and what if we can't have another kid like what happens if we've done all this because I don't think we'd be making this choice if we intended to just stop with Karen hmm I

mean what if you had to put Karen in a child care situation that you think what if you couldn't find child care

I think they probably I mean we would have found child care you know probably we would have gone in within home care still like I probably would have you I don't know

really hired a nanny or yeah

yeah hired a full-time nanny who was outside of our family and just made sure that I had compensation my new role that could accommodate sure because when you have one kid it's almost like you can kind of get back to the life that you had or like continue living the way that you were and also like make sure that he had more of a community around him anyways than just me so anyways so those are all Kyle's so when we're in the car I'm just writing those down neutrally like no reaction just like okay that's a fear that's a fear that's a fear and then I wrote down mine so I actually had less mine was losing income and I linked that to relationships so many of our relationships that are really strong or important to us are across the country on the west coast and yes we live in 2034 you can do zoom calls you can call each other but there is something about being in person so no income it's like well it actually costs a lot of money to visit them yep and

(...)

that goes for leisure as well yeah failing that was because in staying home with Kieran I'm not someone who's going to stop personal interests and projects of my own such as this podcast so fear of failure was pretty pretty present for me so losing social status that was pretty up there for me as well in terms of like you know when you're out to drink so you're out with friends a lot of your conversation is you know how was work or the relationships adjacent to work or like you have social status when you have a certain role attached to your name or you're attached to a certain company and then additionally the social status like you know being able to go out and do the thing that costs money mm-hmm going back to work so that was the same as Kyle's you know what is that gonna look like when will it happen how will I handle that that'll be a pretty big hurdle so setting myself up for success there and then not managing my time was also one of mine when you're home when I'm home and that's a work in progress still me too man ah so so that was everything we wrote down and then could go and address every single point and take it through the rubric of okay we've said it out loud how can we prevent this thing from happening or you know if it does happen what's gonna happen to us so

basically you have a plan for every potential failure

we so sorry Kyle's causing calling me just one second you go pause yep interesting so I wouldn't say that we have a specific plan for all of those but it was really helpful to say okay if this does happen could we do x y and z to solve for it right as far as we know yeah there are multiple plans that could work out to solve the problem

and I just want to jump in to do the guest yeah oh he's matching your wall it doesn't matter well should we take this moment to just address what we did with our walls also oh my gosh if you're watching this like a clip on social or I'm on YouTube we did not purposefully match our wall color to the color of our eyes but it sure is what happened I showed Kyle

the picture that I took of that he was like your eyes are totally blue they're not green and I was like your eyes yeah

his wife's eyes yeah no we're in a fight about this okay anyways like your fears are just as valued or just as valuable or what's certainly valid thank you as you know my fears are somebody in a different financial financial situation and this fear setting will work just the same I'm listening to you not judging your fears because they're gonna be just as valued or valid you can judge them that's fine well no I'm not but it's just so funny because those things to us are just like not where we're at you know we've had to budget from day one we have not been high earners we were two teachers with kids right away you know like that's just been our life so like when you say have enough savings I'm like oh my gosh like you know I

said loss of income I think it literally say running out of money

oh I think I'm just looking under the spreadsheet or something there was somewhere it's like oh savings goal like yeah savings goal is great we've had those and then the car breaks down and our savings is gone again you know like we're just in a very different situation which is just how the world works but every fear is just as valid and just as important for you to work through so if you're someone that's not in that financial situation where you can afford a nanny or you know you had those other things like this is still incredibly valuable also it's just so interesting how money does come into play for a lot of these things but so many people are happy with a very small amount of money I don't even know if I'll keep that in here but I just think it's good to point out for people that might be listening to this having some anxiety because they're like oh I didn't even think to have that fear because we don't have that fear

you know but we were in a situation that we were leaving and the situation was our reality at the time and so to change your reality even if it's like of course it's not gonna hurt you can feel really scared you don't know what's on the other side

yeah regardless of what situation right you're in or leaving or yeah yeah and

like financially Kyle and I are doing weekly financial meetings right now because money is so tight like money is I would say a problem like it's hard right now it's very and there's nothing that's even happened yet that I felt like I missed out on because of money hmm but our dreams are different because they're very much constrained yeah this time yeah so like we have a finance meeting on Monday and I like fully spiraled and just had anxiety for the rest of the night mmm as did Kyle separately sweet yeah so then yesterday which is Tuesday like we woke up and he was like I feel like such an asshole like I just feel embarrassed because I couldn't sleep all of last night and I was like same me no neither of us slept and he was like there are people who have real problems in this world mmm and this is how we're responding

but it is still a problem like that's the thing I'm reading this Holocaust book right now and then I'm thinking you know oh another point I need to make babies can have seizures from fevers and it's normal I'm gonna say that I'm like every episode for the next five oh my god just happened to us and I didn't know it was not bring it up so Nora had a seizure Saturday night from a fever and it was horrible we called 911 and then they were like it's horrible and it's totally normal she's fine so I have that going on and then I'm reading this book about the Holocaust you know and I'm thinking like and I think I have problems but we still do and that's just how the brain works and it's good to validate them and to lay them out and say them out loud and be on the same page with your partner yeah and

I think it helps you be lots of a little wuss like oh my god like Kyle and I you know didn't sleep for a whole night because we're really stressed about money when we wake up and we're like okay we missed any payments no are we still contributing to Roth IRAs you know so far yeah you know is you gonna get a paycheck suit yeah like it's just like how ridiculous are we but also our reality has shifted a lot so yeah yeah both are

true okay so did you take these leaps like these fears that you had about these big changes like you did the thing right what do you mean like you you left your job well and also

jobs yeah and just before we wrap up like the fear setting identifying the upside what was really interesting to me I remember sitting in the car and I just looked at him because we had outlined his column first and then I had done mine and I just had a look at him and I was like honestly like my greatest fear is getting into a corporate rhythm knowing that I don't I have not found a way to super value the work or make it feel intuitive hmm and I if I am working 40 plus hours a week or even 20 hours a week and my kid sees that I'm away from him and not with prioritizing him to me if he sees me doing meaningful good work that I believe in I feel so different about that but if he is seeing me chase the lifestyle or chase the material that was horrifying for me that was my biggest fear so lifting all of those fears going through them honestly at the end of this I could it helped me realize my biggest fear was staying my biggest fear was not diving into the deep end now while we only have one kid and challenging myself to see what kind of potential I have doing creative work mm-hmm that was meaningful to me so without this fear setting exercise I would not have been able to articulate that I don't think that would have been something that Kyle and I could talk about easily so that was my upside the upside is what if I put my job we have a couple really hard years which will fly by quickly we build a family I start building a side hustle or two things really take off for us what if we have a couple years of famine and deliver into our life more goodness than we ever could have imagined like if I stay in this job if I get another similar job I can see what that road ahead looks like I can see what I could expect from that life yeah because plenty of other people are doing it

yeah Wow motherhood man mm-hmm

(...)

and was Kyle I mean I'm assuming he was on board with all of this was it easy for you to tell him your fears like was it easy for him to understand or in this model does even matter if he understands like you just it's the practice of saying it out loud I think it's

the practice for Kyle me specifically what matters is that we're on the same page with solution or prevention so for example prevention we put a number on our liquid savings okay we were like if we get down to this point I

am going to work a quick trip overnight yeah yeah

yeah and we could agree on that number sure okay which we had officially hit on Monday in our savings oh yeah so he has a paycheck coming so I'm not gonna go over a quick trip and that was an exaggeration like it but like that's that's me that's us being specific yeah we have agreed when we reach this point something will change yeah the possible repair like what does that look like because then we're aligned to when the really hard thing hits we've already talked about it mm-hmm and then identifying the upsides that's mostly me almost every time in these conversations because I am the dreamer of the two of us but the cost of inaction was like that was interesting because in this case it's like okay so what if I saved my job what we have financial health like I don't and I am professional girl you know yep my LinkedIn looks good not a lot of costs there only upside so the cost was really like Kieran eventually sees that like that's our that's our life the cost of any action is that we get more and more comfortable where we're at and less likely to make change

and less aligned with your values and less aligned with their values yeah so was this your most intense fear setting you've done yeah

because I usually do them by myself like it was the only one I've done with Kyle so another states human the stakes were much they've never been high stakes before yeah it was mostly like an interesting thought exercise I would do but this time I'm like

wow this matter she's about to hit the fan yeah yeah so do you have check-ins then like you know give the sheet posted somewhere or you just both have it in your brain they go there reminders why you're why you took that leap how do you handle that because I'm sure you need some inspo and some motivation and you know some cheerleading for each other because I'm serious cuz yeah there's so much harder right now no you're right like what does that look like for you I

think at this point we kind of we're good at asking each other for things so the finance meetings I I'm calling them weekly because I struggle the most with savings so I'm like I want to have to tell you exactly what I spent this week and what I spent it on hmm and I I need to be held accountable to make sure that I'm tracking that and that I'm to Lisa you hearing this and also money for me always comes with a feeling of scarcity and anxiety and so I'm excited honestly in this season to have these weekly check-ins with him so that that goes away like I face that fear every week and we can just have honestly clinical discussions about finances which is how they should be mm-hmm

and the more you do it I've noticed the less nerve-wracking they become it's when Kevin and I haven't done it for you know a month then it's like yeah do you guys do it weekly we've been trying to lately I wouldn't say it's fully weekly he's been he checks in like he pays off the credit card every week like he does all of that so he has a better idea of what it is I want to know for myself because I'm the spender not like I'm the grocery person you know like I am spending the money right now say so that's what that looks like but like here's a little anecdote I'm not usually a dreamer but one of our sisters was in town and we went thrifting and the boys did a big ski weekend in town okay it wasn't like in vail but it was a pretty spendy weekend and Kevin and I sat down and we thought we had like you know just used our Christmas money from grandma or whatever and we sat down and we were like like we exceeded that and so I'm looking at my thrifting haul and I'm like okay I had found these mustard yellow Patagonia work overalls and they're like my dream come true like they're like the the lady on TV that I watch that goes in that goes and like helps people create urban gardens and like grow food for their family like she wears these overalls right so like they are my dream and I we have this budgeting meeting and then I say okay these were 60 bucks at the thrift store like I'm gonna go return these overalls and then the next day I'm like I have them ready I pulled other stuff from my closet to consign like we need to whatever but I Kevin came home and I said I need you to know I was fully prepared to return these overalls and I didn't because I look at them and I know I'm not gonna wear them enough right now but like that $60 actually just reminds me of my dream for us to be on more land with a big garden and you know like that dream actually is something we're working towards and it was okay and like that's my little reminder and that's not something I normally do but it was okay I chose to go outside of the budget because I needed that good job thank you good job keeping the pants thank you they're

so cute okay I want to see a picture of them they're so in our office call

(...)

anyways okay so that was Emily and Kyle's fear setting in a nutshell did you want

to know about the dream or the accountability and will you'd ask like what are we doing oh I thought you answered it yeah go oh well there's the budgeting and then Kyle said he's just in a hard phase so he's like can you please write me sticky notes again which I've done periodically you know for(...) different points in in our marriage so I'm doing them daily now like he just gets a nice sticky note at some point during the day that is so

cute encouragement for does he know like does he know where it's gonna be no it's like somewhere secret well it depends because

he keeps taking over my office after he took over my original office so that I moved into his office he wants and then I made his office nicer now anyways and then also we do so obviously this is really good reminder for me we have he literally taped up a bunch of like spare legal paper on the wall the foot of our bed it's been there since the beginning of January and it looks so ratchet it's like really ugly and it's blank which is embarrassing because we need to put down our value pillars so that when we wake up in the morning we see them at the end of the bed like this is what we're working towards this is why we're in a season of hard this is what we've chosen and those value pillars are coming from our dream setting which we did at the beginning of it well we did last month basically like we can talk about that and a different point but kind of level setting getting on the same page about our expectations in one year in five years in ten years what do we want that to look like so that's where those value pillars come from

they will that's where those value pillars we've identified them

we just haven't put them on the wall so there's just like a really ugly that's your

homework for sure

yes yes

Wow well thank you for sharing that with anybody that chooses to listen

yeah I hope it's helpful it was very helpful for us honestly really great going through our columns again and remembering why we made the choice that we made mm-hmm when I'm pretty stressed out right now about all the change

(...)

yeah we should do an episode where you tell me how to manage my money and budget and find joy and gratitude in that process

well it starts with never having a lot of it you don't get used to it and it's like oh we have a little extra this month perfect oh my goodness oh fun well I'll let you know how are I think we'll use this are you going to very romantic yeah do it you know

yeah report back please okay this is great this is nice love you bye