Episode 25: The One for the Ambitious, Goal-Oriented SAHM with Angela Hartke: Gaming Postpartum Recovery, Magic Pelvic Floor PT, & Focus on Intentional Family Values

We loved our conversation with Angela, a perfectionist turned purposeful, intentional mom. This fun & relatable conversation dives into her transformation from achievement-oriented goal-setter to intentional mother finding joy in the everyday moments. From her spiritual awakening at the advent of pregnancy to her disciplined approach to postpartum recovery, Angela shares how her drive for excellence now fuels a beautiful family life rather than career ambitions. Whether you're battling perfectionism, seeking balance in motherhood, or wondering how to maintain your standards while raising tiny humans, this authentic conversation delivers wisdom every mom needs to hear.

Main Topics & Discussion

Redefining Success

Angela gets refreshingly honest about shifting her high standards from external achievements to family excellence. After struggling with fertility issues and finally getting pregnant after nearly a year of trying, she experienced a profound spiritual moment that completely reset her priorities. She candidly shares how her perfectionist tendencies initially made the transition challenging, but ultimately helped her create structured routines that benefit her whole family. If you're struggling to reconcile your achievement-oriented personality with the unpredictable nature of parenting, Angela's insights are pure gold.

The Body After Baby

We loved hearing about Angela's super intentional, research-driven approach to postpartum recovery. Despite meticulously researching pregnancy and natural childbirth, she was stunned by recovery challenges nobody prepared her for. From seeking out pelvic floor therapy to her strategic return to weight training, we talk about how she went about giving her body the healing it needed. Her brave choice to tackle body image issues through therapy before her daughter's birth offers powerful inspiration for moms battling similar struggles. The detailed breakdown of her diastasis recti recovery and rehabilitation journey provides practical wisdom for anyone seeking help in this area as well.

Building an Exceptional Family Life

Angela outlines how she and her husband are approaching crafting an intentional family culture based on shared values, even if it may be countercultural. She's super real about their approach to partnership (we took notes and you will, too!), and the profound way his support has affected her launch into motherhood. We left this conversation inspired to put more intentional care into our bodies and our families. Thanks, Angela!

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

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Transcript

Emily nice to meet you.

So nice to meet you. Thanks for being here. Yeah happy to be here.

Your little one's having cousin time.

(...) Yeah my sister-in-law is watching

them but she has three girls and a fourth on the way.(...) So yeah.

(...)

tell me about your baby like how old is she? Like what is your life? What's your life? What's a normal weekday for you?

(...)

So my daughter Alana is nine months old. She well almost nine months eight and a half months. I'm already aging her up which is horrible. She got her tooth and her first tooth this past weekend and so now like she'll just old. You're old. What's happening?

(...)

That's a big deal.

my husband is a gastroenterologist so he works super long hours. So um I'm mostly the one like

up overnight or like in the morning when she wakes up we start the day. She often wakes up when dad's getting ready for work which is great. So either like when it works out

kind of like watch her and get ready with her for the day and then I run downstairs and try to get like a quick workout in before he heads off the door and then Alana kind of just finishes the workout with me which has been great. I've done that since day one and it's saved me. The girl is like she's very content sitting in her like stroller in the gym with me for like up to an hour usually. So that that's like been really good for my like mental health and physical health because I really enjoy working out. Um so we always start the day usually that way and then she takes two naps now. So we have a nap in the morning and then we usually I always make sure we get out at least once a day because her and I suffer if we don't suffer.(...) I just I can't I'm not a mom but yeah I'm an introvert but like I'm not a mom that can like stay in my house like it I just get so cooped up.

So

Because you're on like all the time I mean it's basically you and if like when Vance takes over it seems like it's a surprise like you can't even plan that time.

when he's there like on a weekday I'm on 24 seven like it like he's there and it's amazing when we can co-parent when he gets home from work and we can share some of that like responsibility or when he gets home and needs to like take a shower or something like I just plop along it right in front of the shower in front of him and I go in the kitchen and just yeah like do something for five minutes by myself just to recharge but even when he gets home he has like two to three hours of work waiting for him every night. So if there's just not not much he can do to help it's not that he's being lazy or like anything it's a dad like it's killing him inside not to be able to be more part of her life but

mostly on all the time on the weekend so he is really good at like trying to work with me to figure out like where can I give you a break

but it's hard because I don't see him much so I don't really want to leave and go do those things without him and her like I want that time together so we're working on it it's finding the right balance but it's definitely

a journey probably working progress for forever and ever I'm in yes yes

feel like we just dove right in but really I should have started this off asking you was there an experience that really shook you(...) to your core as a new mom

as a new mom nothing my experience that really shook me like happened before I was pregnant oh say more

I loved my previous job I was a project manager for a software company and prior to being a project manager I was a product manager which I won't get into the nuances of that but um that role was really demanding like I was working crazy hours in the product manager role and it was one of those like I wanted that role so badly I had worked for like years to try to earn that role I got it and then I got in the role

took me a long time to realize but it wasn't the right fit for my skills like and I just refused to accept that and so months went by when I was like burning out and we were still living in New Orleans at the time so fun um yeah we my husband did his fellowship there for three years and highly recommend like I've never been that oh if you ever go just text me and I'll send you every food place I miss it that's all I want okay yeah

was a window where like

I was working crazy hours there was like a four month stretch of every other weekend I was flying somewhere out of town

had already been trying to get pregnant for six months at that point and it wasn't working and so that was really weighing on me and then I was just like working myself into the ground essentially and so and this was like oh and we moved during that time so during that period we were also moving from New Orleans to Wisconsin and so that was really tough and right before that move my um

boss came to me and said like

need to move you out of this role like this is not

great fit for the like you and what the organization needs at this time and I took that to

really personally like it destroyed me for a good week or two where I was just like I'm a failure

this is awful like I'm never going to be successful in a career ever again like if I can't do this why am I even trying like really spiraling really fast um and I was very

(...)

blessed to have a boss who's like super good on like the emotional intelligence scale and so she would call me and be like you need to trust me this is like this is awful I know this is awful

like this doesn't define your worth but I just was letting it define who I was that role and that title

week or two later they got me into the new role and I was starting to like that was the product manager role and I was starting starting to see what she was talking about of like oh yeah this is way easier like I'm actually being way more effective I'm helping the bottom line way more and I'm like putting in half the effort I was before because that type of role is more intuitive to me and the skills that I have and so

after like a few weeks this is in um the end of summer I like finally got my groove and I also woke up I talked to a bunch of family and friends and I'm like okay that was dramatic my response my response to like moving out of that role to the next one was highly dramatic like this is not at all defining who I am as a person like very much at like a prayerful moment of like I need to reset my life like this is this is really bad like if I'm transitioning from one position to another and having this type of response this is bad that like that should not shake me and destroy me in the way that it did um and so

(...)

it was um the month of October and I just had this crazy sense of like peace and I don't know how to describe it but I finally accepted like the new position that I was in I was feeling like really good in that role I like was spending time with family we were settled in Wisconsin and I just like felt not stressed and peaceful for like the first time in probably a year(...) and my friend at one point that month called me and was like "Anne you're pregnant tell me you're pregnant" and I was like I was like excuse me what yeah my best friend from high school age she's like I just had a dream like you're gonna be pregnant this month I'm like okay Amy sure yeah like that's whatever yeah well I you know we had been trying for almost a year at that point I had like all these appointments lined up in Madison to like see is there something wrong with my anatomy and stuff and I was like okay Amy like I'll keep you posted I'll know in a week or two and then it's the day before like I'm supposed to get my period and I'm pretty regular so I like knew it was coming

we had put an offer on a house like our dream property the day before that so I'm like panicking about the offer we put on this property in

the day before my period and I'm sitting in the living room and I have this wild like

overcoming

that I had to pray the rosary which I never had in my life like I don't I don't pray the rosary regularly like it but I was sitting there and I can I just can't explain I was like I have to pray the rosary right now like where where's my rosary I need to pray the rosary yeah and so I did I just I didn't even tell Vance my husband I just like left I went into the bedroom I like prayed the rosary and then that night I didn't sleep a minute

just kept hearing like trust in me trust in me and so every time I would like come in and out of sleep I'd be like Jesus I trust in you dude like and that's all I could say I just kept saying it over and over again and then the very next day I got a positive pregnancy test whoa and it was just so

circle that month of like clearly through all the strife through all the craziness through the moving through like God was working like like he was working on something and a better plan that I didn't know anything about(...) and to have those like very clear signs though was I've never had that experience in my life to like feel his presence like that or like feel that spiritually somebody was like guiding me and something that I had been praying for for so many years um and that really reset me like in terms of like

I thought about

career and like what's important in life and what I want to focus on and so that was yeah probably one of the most monumental like experiences I've ever ever had

right at the beginning just totally yeah

yeah like you had your friend called it I'm still not

over that I

know I know I did I did she was like one of the first people I called and I was like

you're right you're right what do you mean you're right it was I yeah I still can't believe it but

have you always wanted to be a mom or did you grow into that

no I I'd say I've always wanted to be a mom

I got into like high school college when I'd be asked like what is your dream job

being a mom was always my dream job and it was funny because

my actions I don't know that that anybody would have predicted that like I was very much of like I need to get straight I'm a perfectionist so I'm like was always trying to get straight A's like in college like doing extracurriculars and building up my resume and like studying as hard as I could and

went to get my master's degree and like in my every job that I had I was always like focused on the next goal the next promotion the next you know thing that I could learn and so

think that's why the build up and the transition from that one world to the other made me crash so hard because I was always like I would work really hard and get the next thing and I'd work really hard and get the next thing and that was the first time where it

happen the way I thought it would or aligned and so that's where the crash came but in the back of my head I always knew(...) the goal was to be a mom to get married and to have lots of kids and it's funny I was reflecting on this with my best my best friend from college we were random roommates and we walked into the room when we first met each other and we were like oh no this is not going to work like it was it like we saw each other's faces like oh

but she ended up being the maid of art honors my wedding like she's flying out to visit me tomorrow she's just a phenomenal human but I vividly remember one day on campus in undergrad we were

up this like massive hill at

we're just talking about whatever

and she

also very career focused she's a physician so she was talking about like oh like I'm gonna do this and like I can't wait to be a psychiatrist and like work on these things and like all these goals and aspirations she's like what are you like what are you thinking about doing when you get out of college and I was like I'm I'm gonna be a mom and she like laughed at me like in a loving way but she was like okay yeah but like really what do you want to do and I'm like no I just want to I just want to be a wife and a mom like that is my ending that is the thing like that I want most

I recently when I visited back home shortly after Alana was born it was the first time she met Alana and she's holding her and she turned and looked at me and was like dude like you did it I was like what and she's like you you did it like everything you said in college you wanted to do you wanted to be like you you already did it like it's here and I was like oh shoot you're right

so now what right

(...)

I know I don't know you had trouble

babies just keep taking them off Emily and I've talked about(...) like not having measurables when you're a mom yeah well specifically when

you're a mom

who like a large percentage of your time is spent away from a professional pursuit

(...)

I mean I feel like you came from a type of profession where that's huge like I was a teacher there's not as like the measurables are a little more wishy-washy but yours I mean that was your whole job have you had trouble transitioning out of that or like do you have certain measurables in place for yourself now like day to day

I would I'm definitely still a like

a ambitious person I think I've just chosen different things to be my goal so like sourdough

(...)

is one of the students or I'm like I've been wanting to try this for years so I'm gonna learn how to make sourdough and so like

my schedule needs to be a full person

and things come and go whether it's like I don't know like when tax season comes in like that's my next goal like I handle all the financials and the taxes and stuff because my husband works so much or like things need to get done at the property that we own and we need to like renovate part of the house that we're trying to sell like okay I'm no one coordinating that and showing up and doing all the research and so I I just find things day to day to fill my goals they're a lot less

guess the ambitious than the next promotion for sure because it's like oh I'm gonna make sourdough soft pretzels this weekend to try something new but um definitely always yeah find something to keep me

busy

it's like fun for me because I miss work like I really enjoyed my job so having some of those things that I can do and like pull out my laptop and actually get some things done is really fun when

I genuinely miss having a job so it kind of fills that cup in a

hot way I guess I want to put a pin in that because I have more questions about you missing work but I want to circle back

to something you said in the beginning you were talking about your workouts because we're talking about metrics

right now are measurables and you're like oh yeah yeah from day one this is about our routine like I go down to the gym what do you mean by day one like tell me what let's go back to the postpartum period yeah okay

so day one was day like 40 I did I did a good job of like yeah even I I like read what was it the first 40 days have you guys heard of that photo oh it's amazing

I recommend it

it really goes over like how important that the first 40 days after having your child are in terms of like healing and how your only job during that time is to take care of your child like it is not to do the laundry it is not to cook for yourself it is it is to take care of your child and take care of yourself and so I really it was hard but I I did wait all of that time before getting back into the gym um

then I slowly

started weightlifting is really what I enjoy doing and I like the results of this so I slowly worked myself back up um which was hard that was hard during pregnancy

(...)

postpartum because you just can't do the things you used to do and I lost a lot of muscle mass despite working out my entire pregnancy like there's always so much you can deal

but yeah postpartum I just kind of worked myself back up my biggest regret though is not

pelvic floor therapy with the weight training

only just started going

was like over six months after Alana was born did I just be like I need to go see a pelvic floor therapist and that wasn't the only issue like

you guys talk about this I'm here like sex was really painful like there I was having pains in the gym

so that has been

monumental in my recovery like my since going like my diastasis recti that was the issue if most of my pains in the gym and my back pain was because of the diastasis recti and within two months like the lady I've been seeing has been able to get rid of it which is amazing

(...)

and I already can tell difference like

yeah so I've just been slowly working myself back up in terms of the weight training after that 40 day

mark we need to talk about the BT because I am like honestly just so offended and horrified that it is not part of our automatic care yeah like it took me over six months

it was to go in and like sex was so painful I knew it was impossible it wasn't like oh this is uncomfortable it was like complete barrier to entry yes yes like no that's weird I'm like this is gonna wreck my marriage like I don't know how to work on this myself like I've worked on our we've been very active and working on our marriage our relationship communication skills and the bedroom like that we love that stuff but I was like I can't solve for this at all I have no idea I

can't make it feel like it's not ripping apart yes yes like that burn like how do you even describe that you have this experience too yeah after Charlie not after Nora

after your story I need to share that my PT

talked a lot about

triggers and the way your brain controls your muscle response in ways that we don't know so for any woman listening who's having pain during don't listen to Callie do not listen to before or after labor I mean you integrate those pain signals and you connect them to penetration it's only going to harm you in the future according to my PT so which makes complete sense yeah

because it the way they describe it to me is like your your body just went through like trauma yes by birthing the child and so anything that comes near it and it's especially prominent after your first trial yes that's the first time so as soon as like anything comes near there everything like contracts down there to be like nope we're not letting you like open us up again like this is terrible that was horrible nope nope nope and then you're like

breathing you're significant oh they're like wait a second yes like trying to like take deep breaths in

but that was the one of the major tips I got too it was like okay you need to like be ready so yes you know do all that stuff to make you relax but then you have to like physically think about like relaxing your pelvic floor before

(...)

there was a lot of internal work that she was doing on me every time that physically did a lot of good for my muscles um another thing that was super super helpful as we did a lot of facial work(...) so that's the membrane that i don't even know it's a membrane it encases basically all of your muscles and we've learned i think it is connected to your brain so even if you're working at your muscles or you're stretching them or whatever that doesn't mean that you are stretching the fascia in your body as well

and so for me that was connected to my scar tissue

that was something that a professional had to get in there and do

she also gave me some exercises to try outside the office which were helpful so that's just a little laundry list of what was helpful for me like what another woman could expect were she to pursue pelvic floor pt

mine was mostly the exercises like

the the format of our meetings were the first meeting we had together she'd measure

how far my diastasis recti was um

home i was finding youtube videos of like postpartum ab exercises to do for diastasis recti and i was doing them but some of them like some of the exercises would give me pains when i even though they were very basic exercises and so i went to her and i explained like i know this is giving me pain so i stopped when it happens but even those were too advanced for what i should have been doing and that was a huge realization to me of like oh shoot like you like really have to be basic in terms of

you repair your core after having a delivery and so one thing that i just i i'm a mover so like stretching is torture to me like breath work is like so people like you want to torture me like ask

me to do breath work trying to picture you in a yoga studio right now yeah no no

no i'm like get me out of here i'm like need to go jump or something um and so

is one of my biggest mistakes i did not do breath work before i started getting into like low grade ab work and that hurt

right work yeah that basic

yeah like breath work is so imperative and the other thing like the first session i really learned she would teach me how to

engage my core properly to move the muscles back together which was like a mental workout it was like did did they do that with you too and they're like lay on your back and like okay it's like there are two headlights on the sides of your like core like turn them inward toward one another by like flexing and then i do it she's like you're not doing it right yeah it took me like 10 times yes exactly and i'm like this is so challenging like i don't even know if it's possible but once you figure that out or do like a proper key goal you know how to like keep doing it and so those were the biggest helps for me

recommend though like it just having that

one-on-one experience and like your treatment really tailored to you and you're like what your body needs is so critical to just i don't know we don't care enough for ourselves i feel like in the postpartum period and knowing how to recover from such

a i feel like yeah listening to you talk like those are your measurables you've been so good at like really diving into your body and healing and like how to be your strongest and cooking and

you just really dive deeper i think than the average woman in that and i really wish that we didn't have to do that on our own yes

yeah that's a good point i get yeah because i do but like part of my checklists every day are like get to the gym do my public floor therapy exercises like

usually do some time with a red light on me like cook cook make sure like we have food for the day like it is very much centered around like yeah exercise eating healthy making sure like being that's what he needs when he gets home to do the same and

i think a lot of that is like we want to have a lot of kids gargling what's a lot

you ask my husband he'll say 10 get out are you serious every time he's asked that question he's like 10 sounds good i'm like okay uh we started a little too late to be able to achieve that so

also we love fans he's not the one at home exactly

(...)

we know they're colons of all these but

because as soon as he walks in the door along it's like(...) she's so excited and kicking

and laughing and like he's like i could get more of this yeah yeah it's like exactly oh okay so he says 10 you say

i mean i'd be

don't really have a number like five plus i'm good what like ideally i think at least five

what i would

love to have

like okay when you have that many children they're gonna be so fit they're gonna take over the world

(...)

solidly in my 30s so like you know you kind of do the math and it's yes wow you know i don't i do not want five i think two or three is great for us i think about having five and i'm like oh my god you need an angela brain like you need someone who is about the checklists and the metrics

(...)

yeah or ten like you're super neat yeah ten's

just not possible unless i'm having a child at like 45 or 50

or if you adopt

which is very much like of interest to us

don't know if anyone will perceive that but it's definitely on the table

(...)

hearing women say oh yeah i could have 10 kids i thought it seems terrifying for me personally and then i'm so grateful though that there are women who feel equipped and have the want to have these large rich beautiful families were there women in your life when you were growing up that modeled just extreme i don't know matriarchal energy

would say no i i that is not something like super strong in my family

the person who

the most impact in terms of like being a matriarch or somebody i aspire to be is my my grandmother um we called her baba which is funny because you guys say baba right yeah yeah um and she was just she's an amazing human um she lived next door to us which is a huge blessing so my parents like actually bought the land next to my grandparents and like um built our house there when like the year i was born so i've always lived next to my grandmother and um

just modeled like

don't know how to say she just was so content in a beautiful way with what she had so like she's never somebody who was constantly like wanting the next thing or wanting to travel or what like she was so happy in her small ranch home with her family visiting her every weekend for her like soup that was passed down from her grandmother like we bubba soup was always on saturday and then sunday she cooked dinner for everybody and myself and my cousins and aunts and uncles would all stop in at some point and like visit her and then eat and she was just so beyond happy providing those types of things to us and she like had her like two or three grocery stores that she'd go to downtown and like within a 15 to 20 minute drive and she was perfectly happy with that she didn't want to track like fly anywhere or go anywhere she just wanted to go to church every week and get visited by family and i just

that like

badly to be somebody who doesn't need really anything like

is willing to give fully of herself to her family to provide to and the way she did that she like you could walk into her house at any time and she'd be so happy she'd have the biggest smile on her face she's like okay what can i cook for you like what do you want to do do you want to like we would play nintendo with my grandmother for hours like that she would play like tetris or yoshi and she'd be laughing at like the silliest of things but her life was just so simple and beautiful and she was so happy and every day like you talked to her she'd be like i'm ready when the lord takes me like i'm i'm not afraid of that i'm not afraid to death like i feel like i've lived my life to my fullest i'm gonna keep being here and providing for you all as i can and she never expected or wanted anything in return and like to live like that every day it's just i don't know just so beautiful

feel like that is definitely yeah she was the model in

our lives well there are themes there too that just i i hear about them less and less like the theme of food and gathering and that being so crucial and just fundamental in your weekly rhythm to bring people together to do so with ceremony around food you know you're parked there to nourish your body you're nourishing you know your your greater being being in community with others and i'm sure that filled her up on so many levels you said you had aunts uncles cousins i mean to

think about when i'm old how incredible would that be or not even old you know we all need that right now

i have certain friends in my life and that's

they gather that's how they show love and every time i experience it i'm like wow how lucky are all the people in their homes right now to be participating in this

used to think it needed to be this incredible meal yeah and that's just like not the stage that i'm at right now with two little kids but just to like provide food you know that tastes(...) good or maybe sometimes even doesn't but like you cooked for these people yeah and you're gonna invite them in and just nourish them like it doesn't have to be fancy just going back to what you said about just that simple joy like it doesn't need to be fancy your house doesn't need to be cleaned to create that

and if she's making the same soup every saturday like maybe you're probably there for the soup but like you've had the soup before

it is so good though like no one in our family has been able to reproduce it it's just gonna ask is this right yeah we've tried oh yeah we have the recipe we even like trained with her

it's wonderful but going back to what you were saying cali i

don't know if this sounds naive but like the whole community of

food for one another and supporting one another in that way was like a culture shock to me recently i mean and i've only been exposed to like i feel like a community of women that would do things like that recently like ever since i joined the book club that we're in but i like ever since leaving my house in high school like we

lived in big cities that was not ever something that my parents did for other families or vice versa and so it's all been so foreign to me to understand that like

important that is like how important it is to provide for other families how important it is to have a meal train for a mom who just like delivered a baby and we can provide food to their family like that it's just

is another metric i guess that like has been really fulfilling to me to be like oh they need something like i can i can cook this for them or oh so and so like just is like super sick right now

like your rules are firing out of both ends i'm gonna bring them soup yeah exactly magic soup that we need to post that recipe because it is the most healing soup heard about this it's like

you did there's no recipe on my phone from you i have no recipe yet so i'm

happy to share it it wasn't magical though it's just from chatgpt so you can thank chatgpt they did a great job it was magical is amazing for recipes have you guys never thought of that no oh my gosh if you i just recently started doing this but for instance i had like oh i had like a block of cream cheese and

whipping cream that was about to go bad so i just typed in there like provide me a recipe that includes like a half a block of cream cheese and some heavy whipping cream that also um has like chickpea pasta with it or whatever and it just gives you a recipe that like includes all the ingredients that you have and the ratios you need oh my gosh like

amazing like

other than being a wizard with chat gpt what other new traits have you gained since becoming a mother

very happy with cold meals now like a cold meal drop i used to be like a temperature stop i'm like the person who like reheats their dish because i want it like exactly the right temperature hot when i eat it yeah there's just you can't do that as well more

flexible yeah and

you're still inflexible there and i for most dishes really don't i don't love a microwave oh in fact

they don't even have one stove they don't have a microwave i

respect you for that like i want to my crunchy mom in me really wants to get rid of my microwave

uh yeah i just have a huge aversion to clutter on my horizontal surfaces drives me crazy and frankly we just don't have the space and i'm not sacrificing counter space because that'll be part of my mental sanity so

i'm just impressed that you went from like temperature snob to like i need more of that in my life yeah

i i'm impressed you've been able to keep up with it because i'm like i just give up i'm and i'm just starving all the time for breastfeeding i

just on the new traits thing i know we've been talking a lot about measuring metrics but there's a gap in my brain now between you loving your job

you you in college knew you wanted to be a mom and a wife like that was tant them out for you

then you between then and now had a really fulfilling professional life(...) found

what happened between settling into this new role feeling like you were really getting your feet under you having this deep sense of peace and now choosing not to work

the transition was a little wild the company i was working for um the end game for that company was acquisition and we always knew like i knew that when i first joined the company and so

think

was blessed in many ways because whenever i became pregnant that's when the acquisition talk really ramped up at our company and so my like i said my previous boss was amazing i'm still i still stay in touch with her and so she knew that the baby was coming and she started knocking down my hours before i even had alana so as soon as she found out i was pregnant she was like i don't want to be working more than 35 hours a week like wow if you even come close to going above 35 hours a week you need to call me you're doing too much like and was this affecting your pay no i was salaried no so she would do that and then a month or two would go by and she's like all right you're like cut off at 30 hours if you get like there's there's nothing that is needs to get done at this company that is more important than you figuring out how to like relax and take some time for yourself and take care of yourself while you're pregnant and like get used to the fact that you're not gonna have a job to keep you busy all the time and so she just kept doing that and it kind of stopped at like the 30 hour mark but she would always check in and she she would know when i was like working more than the 30 hours like she'd call me and so that was really helpful just like getting me to like slow down is she a mom i was just yeah a mom of six yeah a mom of six and a c-o-o she's amazing like

she's just yeah we need her on we do need her on but honestly

she would totally do this if you want to contact her

because this is an example through i mean multiple things you're saying i'm like oh she's not a boss she's a leader like she's straight up yes how to lead and identify strengths um had you communicated with her that you were going to leave the workforce when you had your baby yeah

she literally was like max out that maternity leave and like don't decide until the very end of it like what you want to do

so i think i i had a long time to process and prepare for the fact that that was coming and i think what also helped is actually two months before alana was born our company was acquired

and when the takeover happened they dissolved my entire team oh wow so i like and it was very unexpected like even my previous boss was like this was not part of our negotiations like we did not know that they were just going to completely shut down that entire so that was

a shock and that was also hard on me for a bit because

wasn't on my terms like i wasn't mentally prepared for that and then i was like what am i going to do for two months before alana gets here like this is

there's no way i'm going to be able to fill my days and what am i possibly going to do and now like we have all these loans that we're paying off for between our mortgage and my husband's like medical school loans that we still have and i'm not contributing to the family there that was another like panic moment but it was a lot shorter i think because of the previous like instance that i had shared with you guys where i was able to like process and be like okay this is actually probably a good thing and my husband was amazing he's like i was like i'll get a new job like i'll i'll try to bring in income before like she gets here he's pregnant

i'll totally get a new job yeah

and my husband i think i can fit in my suit still yeah

no like i don't like why why would you do that to yourself just like enjoy this time off you're never gonna have a break like this before and i just i felt so guilty during those two months of like him working really hard in this new job and me just like

growing a human you know yeah(...) but

i didn't view that as a job which is so silly looking back um but it like i remember one day it was like the day after i was let go like my two months dissolved and i drove to my sister in law's house and i literally had the thought of like

feel guilty spending gas money right now because i'm not bringing in an income like that and i knew that was ridiculous and crazy but in that moment i was just

just couldn't believe that i had lost the job

so that was crazy but that time at home also really i think helped me prepare myself for making the transition i was about to make like it turned out being a huge blessing

um so that was good and then i like found ways to fill my time super

don't know i was just worried i'd be sitting at home and bored and like being like watching tv or something which is not something i don't do on my own like i never watched tv on my own so i was like how am i possibly going to stay busy but

and i was

like oh i'll just like take a bradley method course because i really wanted to have a natural burst so that filled up a ton of time and i'm like oh well i can do that i just found so many

that i could keep myself busy and like continue learning and um

think that that time was part of a transition period for sure that i could like

actually work on slowing down and focusing on things at home

getting used to that before and time human came into play and i do all that and keep someone alive

so right yeah and you are so i mean you just show up for your tribe it's funny when you said that that was foreign to you you know like being part of this community that was shocking to me because it just seems so natural to you

think

it's because i it was something i

know i always wanted like yeah like it's been so fulfilling to me to have the friend group here that i have that like also shares

a like faith standpoint like the same foundation i've never had friendships like that in my entire life and so i think now that i've like had that exposure i just like i'm like i can't let this go like i'll do like whatever it takes to like keep you guys around when

this is like just like bringing magic soup every day yeah exactly yeah

who knows maybe i slipped that(...) norovirus to you so that i could no i'm just kidding

it's always been something i've yearned for and looked for but i've never been able to find it until i came up here and so i think that's maybe why it it seems so natural because i'm just so excited

about it i love it yeah it's amazing are

there any other

things that future mothers should know that we don't talk about

biggest aha moment having the first child um and that we talked about this a little bit earlier is that like postpartum is

and your recovery is like something you really need to like take time to learn about and focus on because like going into i was prepared for labor like i was so prepared for like

because we had such trouble my husband and i like getting pregnant for the first time so i like did a ton of reading and i knew how to like eat in accordance with my menstrual cycle and like what are the things that i should be doing to like promote my fertility and his fertility so like that i had locked down and then it went to like pregnancy like okay how do i

do i change the way i'm working out and eating and etc to like keep me healthy throughout that window and then labor was next and i did a ton of research on like natural childbirth because i really just wanted to do it without medication that was my goal and so i was prepared i like knew the different phases of labor and what to expect and what each of those would look like and like if this happened what i should look out for and then i had alana and i read the first 40 days so i had the first 40 days covered and then after that i was like uh there's a lot like that

i need to be in fact the rest of my life like

yeah like like i i missed this part of the thing that i should be doing research on which is probably one of the more critical things i should be doing research on compared to all the other phases and so

i think like the intensity of that is something that like was a shock to me like how much you have to care for this baby who's 100 dependent on you but also like you are trying to recover you're trying to understand like what your body's telling you in various instances of like just moving or with breastfeeding and the like which is beautiful but painful for a long period of time and then like what are these pains that i'm having during intercourse with my husband that like i didn't know were a thing and then how do i get my abs to grow back together and like what methods are safe in doing so like all of these things are just(...) things i didn't realize were coming um and then and

physical change i would say of like our bodies and how that

i knew and expected that during pregnancy um but during postpartum i don't think i was ready for like some things to just stay like there there are just elements of my body that are forever changed like i had to get rid of like half of the dresses and my wardrobe simply because like my rib cage is larger now than it was before and it's never going back and like every time something new like that would like come to realization it was like a punch in the face like it just would like knock me down i'm like oh okay like this is another thing i didn't see coming and it just i i think that's something to just

going into it that those changes are going to be there and you're gonna have to take the hits when they come and know that they're like

are for good like they are for good because you have a child like a beautiful

(...)

human being that is yours that you brought into this world that you can love and care for now but it definitely

hard when like you're physically and mentally forever changed as a result and a lot of those changes are were unexpected to me

have two questions

first is when you say all these changes are for good like in that moment you've just been punched in the face yeah this new change

a just what does your self-talk look like how do you turn yourself

this is the worst it's unexpected i feel sucker punched and how do you turn that into but it's for good that's number one number two is because you are so driven to research and like better your knowledge and find all the resources available to you i'm curious

any

helpful during this time if you found any really good resources that mom should know about if there was a complete lack thereof let's talk about that

first part i think

is like very basic but i usually just like

snuggle my daughter like and like i just like hold her like really close and she's at that age now where like if you put your like if you like nuzzle her she'll like kiss your face but kissing is just like sucking on your nose and it's disgusting but it's so cute um but like i i usually like grab her as a reminder but my husband has been like huge like

sorry

wow i'm probably gonna like try to talk about that sorry we do it all the way um

just like an amazing reminder of like it's all worth it

of the things that help me most are

i'll go to him in those moments and like he always finds the right words to like help me understand like well of course you've changed like but that's that's a beautiful

thing

he's found some amazing ways to just like

knock me out of those types of thoughts really fast like they'll be literally two nights ago we like laid down for bed and he like looked over me and

he just like grabbed me and cuddled me it was like thank you for taking care of our daughter like i

just so thankful for you and all that you do for our family and those moments that just like come out of nowhere

just like plants those so well that like those moments those moments i can get past because i think of what he said or reminded me of and it really just like awakens me to like oh yeah like there's a greater purpose here like what the fact that this dress doesn't fit me anymore like who cares it really doesn't matter but it is hard in the moment when you're scrambling to go to like your husband's work christmas party and you had planned to wear this dress and you're like oh that dress is totally gonna fit and then you go to put it on and it doesn't and then you end up wearing this like not so nice cotton maternity dress when you're not pregnant anymore to the side of it it's like it's horrible

yeah but it's humbling to say the

least yeah it is humbling and um yeah i think he's been my greatest strength through all of this

so um for me that i would say that has been the biggest thing to snap me out of those moments

i did go to like a therapist um for quite some time and i actually i started therapy with her before alana got here purposefully knowing that i was going to have some body image struggles um because when i was young i was hospitalized for

anorexia and so that's been something that i've carried with me until now um and i've never faced it it took a lana coming for me to like finally face it like i basically got myself out of the hospital situation when i was young it was like i will do whatever it takes to never go back to the hospital but i never actually

on healing like the thoughts in my head that i was constantly battling day to day and over time

over the years i got better but i like i plateaued um i would say

dance helped a lot just going on date nights and stuff but i plateaued and so before alana was here i was like i have to i have to figure this out i

act in ways that it's going to like

similar thoughts in her mind one day like and so going before she arrived and then continuing after for a few months was really really helpful and like i've made strides in that area way beyond i ever imagined i could

after living with it for so many years but

seeking professional help was really a really good thing to do to just talk through and we didn't even focus

a ton on postpartum specifically it's more just like day to day these are things that i'm just like beyond overwhelmed with and i'm not really sure what to do about it and um talking through that with that was somebody was really really helpful

what a gift to yourself but like your daughter to know i mean to do that hard work that's not easy

you

yeah i've tried

of the things cali like that you and i have been reading with emily the other emily and the song but like home money one of my family um like the grace of enough i haven't read it yet oh it's so good so that that was something that like

really focused on like

building your home life without

getting sucked into the

go-go-go culture of today and like be very mindful of the moments that you create with your family and what they are like and how they are shaped

what i like the goals for my family are countercultural and it's going to be hard to

that i think with like a husband who's in the medical field who like is going to like bring work home on a computer every single day and so like how do i navigate a life of

computers and tv's and stuff in the house but not making them the focus or the crutch day to day and like ways that i can create opportunities for our child to like learn and grow and be curious and creative without those things

those are the types of books i've been gravitating toward to like prepare me for what's to come

also like how can i create i don't know i don't want to say rules but like things that like we abide by in our home in terms of how we're going to raise our kids because a lot of the reading i've done oh the monostory baby that was also great

that book i would highly recommend too because it's like how do you

are the foundational mechanisms you want to have in place in your home that cultivate a really good future for your kids and it sparked a lot of conversations between mance and i where we've like like i where i'm like okay what are your thoughts on like

like a phone at the dinner table when we go out to eat like what are we going to want to do like what is the balance we want to have is it going to be like we'll always let that happen if we're having a tough time with the kids we'll never let that happen is it somewhere in between and so i feel like all of this exposure to like through the grace of enough or the monostory toddler things like that has like really helped me understand like what are the decisions we're gonna have to make pretty darn soon in terms of like our future and how we want to raise our kids um and so that's been really helpful like i'm feeling a little bit more compared now for like the next step where i won't like hit a wall like i did before where i have a baby and i'm like that

what do i do well that's the great thing about babies is like they kind of don't let you do that because you're always going to be there you know yeah they're always going to be there

and you just figure it out as you go oh

our closing question for you what makes you feel beautiful or valued as a

i feel like i shouldn't have talked about what man said earlier but it was time i felt like she yeah those moments with bands are they're it like they they just

me up in ways i never knew i could they yeah they make me feel really beautiful

i need someone else to

remind me that i'm beautiful and so i think those

moments where like we're all three together and alana is smiling at me and he's just like affirming what i'm feeling that sometimes you might like second guess because you don't believe like like oh is she really truly happy and smiling at me like am i the cause of this am i not but like just hearing from him like look at how much she loves you

just yeah it needs the world it really

does

stinking cute i know

i know i know i mean

that is not him like

he's like a just a jokester he

as a poop doctor so yeah having those those moments just like strike me i think also because we've been together so many years we didn't get married until our seventh or eighth dating together and so

never he's he's never been that type of person but as soon as alana came like so many little things like that have changed that are just really beautiful and so

hit you hard when they come

yeah i think that's one thing that moms don't talk about enough like when you're in a strong partnership

you start your family yeah yeah there are a lot of hard things to go through with your spouse but again if you're in a strong partnership i think the way these men

at us and just love us and respond to this new thing in our life is so powerful like i wouldn't give that up for anything in my marriage

no it's only yeah made the marriage more beautiful and stronger in many ways

well

thank you thanks so so much yeah thank