Episode 28: Banshees in the Backseat: Surviving Toddler Roadtrips Through Altered Reality & Toxic Positivity

Ever wondered what happens when you combine three toddlers, two sleep-deprived moms, and a multi-state road trip? In this episode, Cally and Emily reveal why what felt like "seven toddlers" might actually be the secret recipe for stronger family bonds—if you survive the journey. Buckle up for an episode that will have you laughing, cringing, and feeling deeply validated in your own motherhood chaos.

Main Topics & Discussion

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Funnier

Is Chicago rush hour traffic the ultimate parenting test? Find out what pushed our hosts to the edge of sanity and back. From mysterious substances squirted across car seats to what Cally calls "learning coping mechanisms for our fight-or-flight responses," this conversation unveils the unexpected humor in parental suffering. Plus, discover why forgetting to fill the gas tank right as babies fall asleep might actually be a cosmic parenting initiation.

Your Village Is Showing

Who steps up when mom is down for the count with mysterious road trip illness? Between a Baba with superhuman energy serving chicken marsala to strangers in a cathedral pointing to where the screaming toddler went, this segment reveals the unsung heroes of modern motherhood. Learn why accepting help might be the most powerful parenting move you'll ever make—and why Emily finally surrendered to being "pathetic on the couch."

The Payoff Beyond The Pain

Why would anyone voluntarily road trip with toddlers again after experiencing what our hosts describe as "pure banshee screaming"? Discover the surprising moments that made it all worthwhile, including why Bbk keeps asking for "Owa" days later and what happens when toddlers experience great-grandparents' nurture and magic. These magical connections might just convince you to brave your own family adventure—or at least enjoy living vicariously through theirs.

Got road trip warrior wisdom for rear-facing toddlers? Our hosts are boldly (or foolishly) planning another adventure and need your help! Subscribe now (we're social!) to join the community of moms keeping it real.

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

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Transcript

(...)

Hi. Hi.

How are you? Happy Friday. Oh my God, that's actually all I want to hear.

I am here. I'm still recovering. We're going to get into that.

How are you? I was really thrilled when I hopped on here and you said, "Hey, I almost canceled." I said, "Oh, cool. Good start. Good start. Yes. You're doing great."

We're just tuning in for all of our listeners to give you a healthy dose of positivity today.

I was going to say real mom life. Yes.

(...)

We've talked a lot about traveling with some of our guests, the benefits, and we just took a road trip, a several-state road trip.

Remember when I said I think long car rides are so good. You did just say that. For family culture on the record. I did.

Yes.

(...)

Three toddlers, two adults, Kelly and Minnie Mann.

Can we just say that you somehow said seven earlier? We did. I really spiritually felt like we had seven toddlers.

We had seven toddlers. Yes, I felt that way. I still feel kind of that way.

(...)

Also, can I just--

(...)

If you're a mom with more than three kids,

I don't know. Please feel free to make fun of us. Feel free to send some roasts. Honestly, we deserve it. We're so impressed with you.

(...)

Thanks for what you do for society.

I think we need some perspective because I feel like a fishing martyr right now.

(...)

Oh my gosh.

(...)

We're going to go over all the reasons that you should take three or seven toddlers on a road trip.

We're going to send some toxic positivity your way. Are you ready?

(...)

Before we get into it though,

(...)

a few housekeeping notes.(...) Please, please, please, if you're someone who tunes in regularly and we know that there are a lot of you and we're so grateful for you, if you haven't hit the subscribe button or the follow button, depending on which platform you're following on, please, please, please do so. That's really the one favor that we'll ever ask from you.

It really helps our numbers

it's going to help us bring you more diverse interviews from different kinds of moms. We're in the process of booking out some experts we're really excited about. So please go ahead and do that. It's hopefully a simple way that you can help support this project.

(...)

If you're feeling like you want to go gangbusters, like you're all in, we have seven toddlers. You can always sign up for our newsletter. We like to send you updates when we drop new episodes. We also include three things we're loving that week. So if that's fun for you, please go ahead and sign up and make sure you're following on social.

I learned some good things from those newsletters.(...) You're welcome.

(...)

Sometimes I feature things you love that you send my way. So hopefully you get some validation too.

We shall.

But you know, first things first, what are you loving? Oh, yes, that's right. About motherhood today.

Oh, I forgot.

(...)

You know what I'm loving?(...) I used my village fully this morning, had some child care issues, had to be at a funeral.(...) Kevin's really busy with work. Like it was just a whole thing. Was able to just text my friend who also I like sat on her patio and had a beer last night, which was really, really great. And then I was able to just like text her this morning and say, Hey,

can you please? And she was like, yeah, and it was great. Wow. Yep. So really just feeling thankful for a village in this time.

How about you?

So Kieran's not the most verbal. I mean, he says a lot with his body language and his super loud voice and a lot of syllables, but you know, grasp on the English language is not quite there. So when he says, thank you,(...) it is. So we'll say, thank you. He'll say, and we'll say, you're welcome. We're training manners, whatever he's taken to.

If he says thank you and the person who has given him food or whatever, it doesn't respond with your welcome. He'll look at them with crazy eyes. Like these are to our listeners who can't see me right now. Crazy eyes. Just giant shit out until the person responds with

your welcome.

(...)

Yeah. Yeah.

And I just, I think it's really funny. I don't know what he's getting out of that. If it's, you know, he's, he's feeling a bit more control over his life or he's just a rule follower to be super. That would be really awesome. I have one of those you'd love for us to have one. I would. Yeah, that's fair.(...) I don't know what he gets out of it, but it's hilarious. That's so funny.

Okay. What's hard for you?

I've had a hard time resetting my attitude of just like,

they're going to be hard moments and you just get through them and then it's fine. You're having a hard time resetting that trip.

(...) Oh, that's concerning to

Thankfully yesterday I had a fair amount of time where I was mostly alone, like napping and or at grandma's house children.(...) And I do feel much better after that, but like it just took me longer than I thought to kind of recover and like get my cool and my patience. Like we were baking. I'm usually really good with a mess when we're baking, snapping, just like not good. So yeah, I'm like a little disappointed in myself, but also I guess that's just how it is. So here we are.

I mean, you got to snap sometime. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm the one who loves to just sit in my attitude problems and kind of analyze them and get to the root of them and really discover why I'm feeling that way so that I can then use that data to turn it around. I mean, it's really BS at the end of the day.(...) You're the one who powers through and you're like, nope, this is the right thing. We're not thinking about it. We're taking action. So yeah.

And like there doesn't seem to be a cap usually, but like I think I found my cap a little bit.

But it's okay.

We're recovering. Well, let me know if I can help.

Thanks. I don't know what I would do, but you'll get there.

I will. Honestly, it's like getting better day by day. Yesterday was just like huge, honestly. And this morning I just said, kids were going for a walk. Put them in the stroller. Did like three miles. Feel much better. Actually walked to work to like literally take one paper from one building to the next building. That task took us all an hour and a half because I needed a walk.

Baby stuff. How about you?

(...)

What is hard about motherhood for you?

Right now we are having some boundary issues as in we're trying to, there's someone we deeply, deeply love and it's just been clear for a few years that we really need to set some solid boundaries. And now's the time that that's kind of come to head and we're working on it.(...) And I'm only sharing that because I think I know it's really, really common.

And so I'm really excited for the future and moving forward in a more healthy way, but it sucks. Like when you're sitting in just a place of yuck because relationships are hard and you love,(...) love, love these people you're in relationship with. But you know, if there's some things that are not healthy and not appropriate for your family,

it's just a tough spot to be in.

What did Auntie Megan say? What was her?

Holding community with.

Did you find it?

Yeah. I'm going to hit up.

you'd like to, you can go back to our episode with Megan Barrett. It's a heavy hitter. It's a good one.

(...)

And one of the things that we talked about that she thought was important to talk about, which I agree was having boundaries and identity while holding them in communion with sacrifice.(...) Oof.

(...)

Indeed. Yeah, that's good.

It's really good. Because I think we're like stereotypically millennials are too good at the boundaries. That might be more Gen Z. I don't know, but I feel like we were made one of two. Yeah. So like when you're saying boundaries, I don't want people to be like, okay, there's bullfish again.

No, I'm really against canceling people actually.

Yeah, you are.

But thanks for that. Thanks for bringing that up. I needed those words today. Thanks again.

(...)

Did I already ask you what was hard? I did. That way I did.

All right. Here goes. Why you should take three or seven times.

(...)

In a row trip.

(...)

Do you want to go first?

I just thought of a new one. Oh, say it. You just can't wait to break in that really nice

minivan you just bought. With no food between the cracks, right? Yeah, right? It's just not going to feel right until you have applesauce and Cheerios in all of the crevices.

It just really reminds you of the little people that you love so much.

Yeah. Snaps Callie. Thank you. As someone who's never going to be a minivan owner. You say that now.(...) Love that for you.

(...)

Here's something I love about road tripping with toddlers.

(...)

I love the opportunity we get to learn coping mechanisms for our fight or flight responses. You have hours in the car, sometimes with toddlers who are trying to out scream each other. You want to just crawl out of your skin. It's so itchy and you feel like you're going to explode and you're so overstimulated. The adults are dysregulated. The children are too. Steam is just building. It's building. Yeah, and you just have hours upon hours of opportunity.

(...)

To learn coping

mechanisms. Gosh, you're right. We're better for it. Totally. See, I knew I was right.

(...)

I just really appreciate the opportunity to have almost the entire five hours together all awake.

(...)

Oh, yes. The pro tip is actually forget to fill your gas tank before you start. Sure, sure, sure. So that right when the babies fall asleep, that's when you decide, oh, we're about to hit Chicago. We should probably fill the gas tank. Yes, because they might go back to sleep. But best case scenario is that they don't go back to sleep. Yeah. And then you can spend the whole car ride really working on those aforementioned coping mechanisms. Sure.

Just in great community with your toddlers. So much quality togetherness time.

And then there's a 2% chance that since they're so sleep deprived, maybe they'll sleep during the night the rest of the trip. Sure. So there's that glimmer of hope. 2% glimmer. From ruining their nap. Yeah.

(...)

Good one. Love it. Thank you. Thank you.

So great.

(...)

I was just reflecting on the fact that--

just needed a reframe for Chicago rush hour.(...) Oh, yeah. Because now, if I ever have the opportunity to do that alone without-- I'll just love it so much more.

That's so true. Wait, I actually just get to listen to my podcast for longer. Yeah, I get to sit and crawl on this highway. As much as these are little tongue in cheek, that one's real. I remember I had rush hour by myself. I remember I had rush hour by myself. I'm going to be like, OK.

(...)

That was horrible.

(...)

That was so bad. Oh, wait, I do think we should add some context at this point.

(...)

So Callie and I made this drive from-- well, actually, Callie's a real rock star because she had to drive three hours from northern Wisconsin to Milwaukee with her two children.(...) In a minivan. So like, in a minivan. In a minivan. In a minivan. The night before we left

go to Ohio to visit our grandparents,

(...)

which we're so lucky to have. Two cents. Honestly, they're incredible. Like, are you kidding me? Two cents still living and fun and great. All of this was worth it. But yes.

up for our cousins' confirmation. There's a big family celebration. I mean, all good things. For listeners, this is why we chose to take a road trip together in what was waiting for us. And why we were going to Ohio on the other end. Just to clarify that. Yeah. So they both live in Ohio. So we spent two nights with one set of grandparents with two nights with the other, which is great.

But rush our Chicago into Indiana interstate. Which was under construction.

Three, four hours.(...) It was just seven hours one way.

Yeah.

(...)

I

love a boosted immune system.

See,(...) I was going to say I'm just so grateful that Nora got really sick because I just wanted to cuddle all night. You just needed the extra thrashing in bed with you. Yeah.

Every night.

(...)

And I'm so grateful that I got sick because it really allowed me to practice receiving help from my really exceptional village. Which was mostly my grandmother, my Baba, who's in her 80s. Also, Auntie Megan and Uncle Drew and Max get a huge shout out here.

Yeah.

They were incredible with these kiddos. But I was out. You were down. Body aches, sore throat, bad headache.

(...)

And I was just sitting there thinking, wow, thank God. My Baba, who I would like in this season of my life to be able to offer her care and nurture.

That's not really how she operates. She always takes care of everyone. And she has way more energy than I do, which is astounding. Anyways, I just was laying there on the couch being so pathetic. She cooks this amazing meal, chicken marsala for everybody. And then she'd also made dessert. She's bringing me dessert on the couch. And I was just like, oh, thank God I get to practice receiving care and help from my village.

(...)

Oh, ready for this one. Yeah, I would really recommend living in an old house because there's so much character. I actually love it.(...) But you could just really add some spice to your life. Like when you're finally home, you've done some really like sleep training for rising of your child so that you can actually sleep again. You're ready for like that what that first night of full sleep.(...) And the children sleep through the night and it's incredible. Whoa, I didn't know that. Yes, but just like really keep you grounded. I would recommend letting a bat in like 2am.

(...)

Just so that you can wake up terrified and then spend the next morning(...) taking it to the community health center to get tested for rabies. It's just like a really nice welcome home, grounding moment. Love that for you. Thank you. Snaps. Snaps.

(...)

I'm going to just return us to the road trip.

(...)

And I just love to say, you know what I always feel? I always feel like we want more laundry to do. You know, like how fun is it when we get to do all the laundry at our house? Why not give yourself the gift of a new experience in doing laundry in somebody else's

room, arguably, you know,

(...)

because your child threw up two nights in a row, not only in just her bed, but also in yours.

(...)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I really love like getting to experience other people's laundry systems.(...) Yes, you know, like you can learn about the detergent sheets, for instance. Oh, those are brilliant. Yeah. Yeah, no, just really good opportunity to learn.

I am really feeling validated in my

dedication to attachment parenting

my daughter won't let anybody else hold them.

Oh, like the whole trip. Like she just screams like she's in pain.

Yeah, like a banshee. Like it just really makes me feel like I'm her everything. And I've just done such a great job committing to like making her feel secure and only my arms.

(...)

Yes, from a Wednesday night through a Tuesday.

(...)

Yeah,

Am I laughing or crying?

(...)

Do you know what I think is really fun?(...) I actually love making new friends in public spaces, specifically due to a toddler's extreme like unregulated,(...) overstimulated, I don't know, fight or flight. I don't even know what.

That's so fun for me. Yeah.

And I also love when-- Are we still talking about my child?

Yeah, I love when, you know, I'm in charge of this. Small person.

(...)

And I mean, she's got enough personality for five.

(...)

And just for context, you know, she's running through the back of this gorgeous(...) cathedral full of 2,000 people.

And we're working on trying to be quiet. And all of the strangers around us are saying, "Okay, listen to your mom. Be quiet." And therefore, I have the opportunity to be like, "Oh, she's not mine. I'm not on to her." You know?

(...)

And then, you know, finally just saying, "Okay, this is too much." Taking her downstairs to the basement so she can run laps. And then seeing my sister walk in with panic on her face, wondering, you know, here to collect her child and wondering how she found us.

And I just felt so seen because when I had gone to the back of the church, since I could hear her screaming through the first hour of this fishing long service that was beautiful and so long when you can hear your toddler screaming, I really felt seen when I said nothing. Just walked to the back of this cathedral full of 2,000 plus people and had multiple men just look at me and point to the basement. Exactly who I was here for.

Yeah.

And why I was walking back. And no, that's not our home parish. No, I didn't know a single one of those people. No.

Yeah. Yeah. So just like a really fun social opportunity, you know? Really great way to meet people.

(...)

You know what I also love is

the opportunity to spend some,(...) again, that quality time in a moving vehicle, small space with your toddlers. Love to see them unleash their inner creativity. Yeah, they're artists. Yeah. Yeah. They're brooding artists. It's so fun for me to look back and see my son squirting

upon a farm, beat, immune, whatever pouch all over his knee.

(...)

And then to look over and see his cousin

him.(...) Watch him do it and then say, "You know what I should do is actually just get on board with this whole artistry thing."

And what a teachable moment because now you can explain to him that the reason that he's had a fever for the last two days is completely his fault because he didn't eat his immune once upon a farm pouch.

I never. You're so right. Yeah, I know. I'm a teacher. Total teachable moment.(...) Yep, for a 20-month-year-old.(...) That's been super fun. Just like coming home, my welcome home, being like, "Okay, I'm feeling better. This is great." And then Kiré just has a fever. It is a Velcro baby for two days.

You know, had him strapped to my back throughout the day to get anything done. That's good. Because he needed more time together. I did. I wanted more. That's what I wanted, more time. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

But actually, we made it and it was so worth it. It was.

(...) I mean, we're being tongue in cheek, but...

(...)

I mean, you got it, right?

(...)

You got it. Okay, let's talk about some genuinely cute things.

mean, I thought the artistry was actually cute. Because Nora just wanted to be like Kiré. She did just want to be like Kiré. So funny.

The last four days, wow. My son, Kiré, BBK,

keeps asking for Owa. Owa? So cute. Oh, he just still wants to play with her. He still wants to hang out with her. Oh my gosh, they're so funny.

They're really funny. Yeah. They were like fighting and I loved it. Oh, yeah. I can't wait for them to be teenagers.

I know. Let's foster more of the just sibling like...

Yes. No, I'm so here for it. Yeah, phenomenal.(...) Absolutely.

Also, like our children just like really getting to play with our grandparents, their great grandparents.(...) How cool. Like Charlie's old enough, he'll remember, right?(...) Like Kiré and Nora will see, but it was just...

So cool to see them like playing with our toys and, you know. Oh, yeah.

The toys that our parents grew up with. Yeah, not even our toys, I suppose.

Yeah.

Very cool.

Pretty awesome.

Yeah. I really just...

Our extended family village showed up for us so hard.

(...) Yeah. That was incredible. There was like zero judgment. It was purely like, you guys are amazing. Thank you for doing that. How can we help you?

Yeah.

(...)

Incredible. Yeah. Yep.

Absolutely loved

Can I also give us kudos?

So Grandma and Grandpa Steve wanted to take everyone out for dinner, which I fully supported on Friday.(...) And so there was a table at this nice restaurant that held equal toddlers to equal adults ratio wise. That's true.

(...)

And they were so good.

think we're remembering differently, but it went pretty well.

(...)

Well, your energy was

spent on keeping your children, AKA Nora, under control and not melting down, but they never reached full meltdown mode. Yeah, that's true. Like think about any other... Think about most toddlers you see at a restaurant like that. It doesn't go well.

Yeah, that's true. Nope. That's very true. I mean, they ate. They sat there. Yeah. They ate their food. Yep. They entertained other people waiting to be seated. I mean, that's pretty good. Yeah. You're welcome, world. Fully taxing on specifically you.

Due to, again, Nora, she's really just the star of this episode.

I think this podcast actually is so far.

(...)

Girl is active. I love it. I'm obsessed with the fact that you have a baby Hellion. I'm just really here for it.

(...)

Oh, this was funny. She was a storm cloud all weekend.

(...)

I mean, she felt terrible. She felt terrible. I mean, this girl coughed so hard, she threw up two nights.(...) Yeah. I mean, she was full invisible. It was sad that she felt so bad.

(...)

However,

(...)

it was hilarious. Like our,

again, our extended family were just being so kind and helpful and supportive that they were just talking about how great it was that we were there. And I just desperately wanted them to know that for how obnoxious and horrific Nora was to be around that whole weekend. There is an inverse side to that, which is when she's just pure sunshine and rainbows. Like, girl, it goes hard. She goes one way or the other.

She's so cute. Like the cutest little toddler girl ever, honestly. Yes.

(...)

Until Banshee.

They totally didn't believe me.

(...)

And they were fine. She's like, "No, she's fine. She's fine." Okay. Like I could see them be like, "Oh, yeah, don't try." She's totally bloody.

I'm so glad your auntie loves her.

Auntie loves her. I could see it. No.

(...)

I think that means we need to do another road trip just so they can meet.

(...)

Well, and road trips are good for us.

Did you want to back that up with some data?

(...)

I do think it might have been miserable for us, just specifically the car time. Not all of it, but a good chunk. The car time, yeah. But I legitimately still think our kids will become closer if we do more of those.

100%.

(...)

Oh, no question. Like trial by fire.

(...)

Oh, yeah.

But really,(...) our family just showed up in such a big way. I'm still not over that. I'm not recovered and I'm not over being grateful.(...) Two things can be true. I can hold both things.

I can hold multitudes.

(...)

Oh, my God.(...) So where are we going next? What's the next opportunity?

(...)

Okay, here's what I'd like to know from listeners. What do you do for rear-facing toddlers?

That's entertainment wise? Yeah, like how do you get there a long road trip rear-facing? That's what I'd like. Tips and tricks.

Why do you think it's so different when they're not rear-facing?

With Charlie, it was a switch. I don't know. He could see. We could talk to him better. Easier for me to give him a screen when he switched.

(...)

Oh, that's fair.

Oh, he was a prince all weekend. He was incredible.(...) He was sitting in the back of your car with his boy, the box. That thing is brilliant.

It is. I packed him his own snacks. Like not once. He just had a little cooler bag. So we shouldn't do it. And I just trusted him to like do it.

When his babies wanted his snacks. We just have to say cover up Charlie. Go under your blanket.

(...)

Hide. Honest JuicePucks is our only for big boys.

(...)

Because we're mean.

(...)

Yeah, no, he was

incredible. I'm so impressed.

Okay, we will be back in

your ears.

(...)

Next Tuesday and we'll be ready to go.

Oh, and you know what? Also, if you have any toxic positivity that you'd like to share surrounding. We deserve it. Yeah, feel free to text. You know, we got the little text bubble on all your podcast platforms.(...) DMs on Instagram. I actually just got our Facebook page kind of rolling. Oh, good job. Yeah, really not a fan of meta. Like I've been fighting it, but we're there now to.

(...) So find us forever. Send us some toxic positivity.

Or genuinely, if you are like road trip warriors and you've gotten this figured out, please send help.

(...)

Because we're gonna do it again.

We're gonna power through. I know, I know. We're gonna recover and we're gonna do it again.

(...) Inevitably. Childbirth where you just forget. Totally. Yeah.

(...) Yeah.

(...)

We'll just listen back to this episode and remember everything that we- Nope,

bearing it deep down. Okay.

(...)

This has been nice. We love you. Love you. Bye.