Episode 38: The One for the Mom Afraid of Losing Herself: The Microseason Method & Michelangelo Mindset with Heidi Lewerenz

Think you can't be a working mom AND homeschool seven kids? Think again. Meet Heidi Lewerenz, the entrepreneur-coach-homeschooling powerhouse who's cracking the code on motherhood burnout. She's serving up the tea on redefining success, and why losing yourself in motherhood might actually be the point. Your identity isn't disappearing—it's getting the Michelangelo treatment.

Main Topics & Discussion

The Recovering Feminist's Guide to Motherhood Identity

Heidi's journey from career-focused independent woman to integrated working mom reads like a plot twist nobody saw coming. She opens up about believing she couldn't "do both well" and how becoming a mother forced her to question everything she thought she knew about feminine power. She eventually discovered that motherhood isn't the enemy of femininity—it's the crown jewel. This isn't about choosing sides in the mommy wars; it's about rewriting the whole playbook on what it means to be a powerful woman. 

Micro Seasons: The 90-Day Life Revolution

Forget New Year's resolutions—Heidi's micro seasons method is about to change how you think about life planning. Instead of drowning in annual goals that feel impossible with kids hanging off your leg, she breaks life into intentional 90-day chunks that actually work with the chaos of motherhood. It's not about having it all—it's about knowing what "enough" looks like in each season. This framework helps overwhelmed moms stop feeling like they're failing at everything and start celebrating micro-wins that actually matter.

The Michelangelo Mindset: Why Losing Yourself Might Be the Point

What if becoming a mother isn't about losing who you are, but discovering who you were always meant to be? Heidi drops this game-changing perspective that flips the whole "don't lose yourself in motherhood" narrative on its head. Using Michelangelo's David as a metaphor, she suggests that pre-motherhood you was just a rough-cut block of granite, and motherhood is the master sculptor revealing your true form. Yes, the chiseling hurts like hell, but what emerges is more beautiful and authentic than what came before. This reframe transforms the motherhood journey from loss to artistic creation—and honestly, it's the perspective shift every struggling mama needs to hea

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Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

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Transcript

And then the second part is an alignment piece where you say, OK, so then with all these roles I have, all these responsibilities I have, all these dreams I have, all these callings I have, all these expectations I have, these are all things that you might have for yourself or what other people might have for you. You kind of start to sort through and say, OK, well, I'm only I am human and one person. So what is reasonable? What you know, what aligns with my values and what I feel like I'm called to be focused on right now?

(...)

Well, today we have Heidi Loverence, and it took me a whole year to learn how to say your last name. Was that right? You're right. Good job, Kelly.

It's a tricky one.

It is because it doesn't look like that when you see it. So I met Heidi through choir, this children's choir I direct because I had three of her girls in choir.

(...)

And when I found out she was a homeschooling mom and a working mom and an entrepreneur and a bunch of kids, I'm like, OK, I need to learn from you. And then it turns out like she's had some really cool businesses and has been in the coaching space for moms and just has so much wisdom. So we're so excited to have Heidi. Thanks for being here.

Well, thanks so much for the invitation. It's such an honor for trusting me with your audience.

We're so excited.

My blind is just my mind. I can't even speak. My mind is just blown that you homeschooled. Like you have all these businesses. This is how I know about your background. Like you have many children,

you have a potential life, you have these businesses. And I don't know why the fact that you also homeschooled is just wrecking me right now.

(...)

I don't know how

to hold all these businesses. Well, I didn't have--

I didn't have-- I don't have all these businesses, I guess. Like over time. I don't have them all at once. And so I've had a couple different businesses, but I really only have juggled one at a time.

Still a business and homechooling.

So how many kids do you have? What does your

to day look like?

every day is a little different.

(...)

I do have seven children, and they range in age from 6 to 22. They're all about two years apart. Some are less than that, some are more.(...) And there's a four-year gap at the end and a three-year gap somewhere in the middle. So they're all kind of like-- they were all kind of bam, bam, bam. I had three under three. I had four under five.

So those are crazy years. But yeah, so I did not intend to homeschool. I didn't even intend to get married or be a mom. As a child, I played with dolls, and I would be into all of that. But as I went through college and then I got into my career, I just loved it so much. And I was like, well, I probably can't do both

well. So I'm just going

do work. And I loved it. And then I met my husband, and I was like, well,

(...)

maybe I'll get married.(...) He's pretty quality.

(...)

So I did that. And we did have conversation about kids. And by the time we got married, I was like, yeah,(...) two, maybe four. I wanted to have even numbers.

that's where that was before my life happened.(...) So that's probably a whole other story. But yes, my every day is we still have five at home. The oldest just graduated high school. The youngest just finished kindergarten.(...) We homeschooled a younger three, and the other two are in high school full time in our public school.

I work Monday afternoons, all day Wednesday, and Friday mornings.(...) And I school all the rest of the mornings.

And I do have a friend who misses homeschooling her children, so she'll come in periodically and help on one of those mornings sometimes.

And then I work

So it's pretty much school in the morning, work in the afternoon, which used to be nap time. No one's napping anymore.

And then we're in that season of running,

we're letting our kids be involved in activities, even if they each pick one or two. I mean, that's up.(...) We have days where there's consistently eight pickups and drop offs. So it's like running a trucking logistics company. I have a five foot by three foot whiteboard calendar in my entryway, just so that we can keep everybody-- I need help. I can't just keep this in my head. So this at least employs everybody's eyeballs on the calendar.(...) Can't tell you the number of times I've had kids go, mom, aren't you supposed to

her up at like 4 o'clock?

(...)

Oh my gosh, thank you.

Yes, yes. So they're engaged. That was going to be my next question. Like, are they actually looking at the white-- and yes, they are. They're letting you know when things are falling.

Yes. Well, and because it's a lot to manage, it's a big tool that's used in our family for communication. So like some of my older kids, they work, but they have to put their work schedule up there, so I know they need a car. Or I can think about, oh, if you're working, maybe you could pick up so-and-so on your way home.

And we kind of have a rule, if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't happen. So that also kind of engenders this idea of, let's pay attention to the calendar and engage with it.

Who are going to raise great husbands? I was just going to say, our girls will do that anyways. And I bet the boys wouldn't have. Correct.

How many boys do you have? I have two. OK, so they are-- yes, their wives are not going to have to just harangue them to share their calendars. And I'm not speaking from personal experience. Kyle and I are pretty dialed at this point. I'm speaking from every woman I've ever told. Yes.

(...)

My amazing husband still does not have a planner,

(...)

doesn't have a digital calendar. He doesn't use his phone. Not for a calendar, no. I know it's so different. That's been a

journey.

(...)

So I manage the family calendar, but I would have naturally, personality-wise. But it's so funny you say this about our boys, because my 22-year-old went to college,(...) and pretty soon-- I don't remember when, but he started when he would bring his stuff back home.

A

calendar. Was it his stuff? Nice.

You're so proud. That's incredible.

Yes. So at least that one thing, and all of my parenting, I know that one thing stuck. Wasn't even a goal,

Can I go back to the beginning of our conversation? When you were talking about loving work, you loved work. You thought this is it. I don't need to get married. I'm not going to be a mom. I'm curious

you could identify what made you feel like you couldn't hold both.

Well,(...) the model-- my mom was a full-time mom. And she had a business. She's an artist. And so she periodically would have-- she had a calligraphy business, and she would do drawings.

So I remember seeing that model. My dad had a really intense corporate job.

was always that primary parent who was home and solid and available.

(...)

And I think, too, growing up in the church as a Christian-- and I still hold that faith--

there's a lot in the Christian church that's confusing about what does a godly mom do versus an ungodly mom. And so I think I did believe-- I just had this idea that if I believe in God and I want to raise kids,

I really needed to devote my whole life to that. And maybe do a little side thing. But I loved work so much. I didn't really want to be home.

So I think there was some beliefs. And they weren't all wrong. They just weren't-- they were clashing for me. So I had to figure out, what do I really believe? What is really true? What does the Bible really say? Or what do I believe it says, I guess, which is, I guess, a scary space to be. But whatever. I had to figure out what I was going to believe about that.

And my husband was super--

it's so funny, because I say I'm a recovering feminist. And I'm sorry if that offends some people.

But-- No, I want to dive in.

What do you mean by that? And my husband was always just very progressive. He never felt like he had to pay for our dates. Or he never-- he would hold the door because I'm a human being, not because I'm a woman.

(...)

But I just loved-- at that time, it was very important to me that I was liberated by that. Now I love parts of being taken care of. So

So I felt like my feminine power, my feminine energy, my newfound freedom was all in this professional world. I was completely divorced from my motherhood because that was all

(...) And that was all not doing anything with your life. And I have all this education. All these things that I now call lies,(...) because I don't think that's the truth. But I was really--

I had just become so focused on

out there and doing all these things and achieving. And I really tied my femininity to that,

(...)

so that when I did become a mom, I was like,

what? What is this about?(...) All of a sudden, then I didn't feel like going away and leaving my baby.

just did not feel right. And I know there's things that don't feel right but are right. But over and over, I repeatedly just felt that way and started to think that way. Maybe I do want to be more home and be their primary influence and their primary caregiver.

And so I had started freelancing at the time that I had Zach because we moved. So we moved from my husband's job, totally in agreement with that. And then I was pregnant. And I was like, well, let's-- I'll just freelance. Maybe I could do this. And then I'd be more flexible. And I could grow my income. I could have my summers off.

(...)

We could travel. So then it was this idea of freedom that moved me into that entrepreneurial direction.

But it happened at the time that I had Zach.

got off of that corporate bandwagon. And in my mindset, I was able-- my life shifted at that time so I could start experimenting with, OK, well, who am I as a woman? Well, I'm a mom now. And I can be strong as a mom. And I can still pursue dreams as a mom. And I can still love my family well as a mom. And it doesn't have to look a certain way.

So was it-- I'm back to this recovering feminism thing.

(...)

Was that after having a child, do you think

When did that timeline happen for you, I suppose?

Well, I think in the height of my feminism, I probably wouldn't even have considered marrying my husband.

(...)

So I think the shift happened when I was like, all men aren't terrible.

(...)

And I mean, that was a two-year, maybe three-year season for me. Most of my life, I wasn't in that camp. But it was just part of my identity when I went out on my own. That was a big part of it. So I think it started shifting when I met Eric. And

didn't feel threatened by him. And I felt

I maybe do want a family. And there's so much meaning in that.

I think the shift started happening when I

dating and was just like my opinion of guys had changed. And then my opinion of family life started changing as we talked about our future.

our plan, I know not everybody has their plan

to fruition. But we managed to not get pregnant for three years. That was our plan.

(...)

And then got pregnant. I was 28. So I have had those seven kids from when I was 28 till I was 42. My last one I had when I was 42.

(...)

Wow.

That's a lot for a body. If you didn't think you were strong as a woman bearing children in the beginning, looking backwards,

(...)

that's Olympian. Yes.

(...) Well, every woman that has the ability to carry a child,

(...)

there's so much strength in that. And I think--

I just-- I don't know. I think-- I don't know that I'm like Olympian. But I think there was definitely this weaving back in of, oh my gosh, motherhood is like the queen of femininity.

can't do this. The men can't have babies. We get to. And so I was able to kind of reintegrate that part of my feminine identity with motherhood. And then this industrious nature that I have and this achieving nature.

I read a book probably when I had two kids at that time called Professionalizing Motherhood.

it was from Hearts at Home, which was the parent organization for mothers of preschoolers, which was

organization in the past. Now I think they're called Mom Club or something. I think it's still MOPS. Is it? MOPS. I know of all the things to call it, right? It just engenders housewife cleaning floors.

Yeah. I love blending in too. I'm making that much.

(...) Yeah.

said, well, what if you just started your day? What if you actually had a loose plan? What if you actually got up and did your makeup and had a mom wardrobe, just like you have a work wardrobe?(...)

then think about your day.

I mean, she didn't talk about a schedule because we all know a schedule really doesn't work with kids.

But I love this idea of a flow, right? So first we do this, then we do this, then we do this. And that helped me wrap my arms around this nebulousness of early motherhood, where you're just waking at all hours of the day and night. And you're in clean clothes, and then you're spit up on. And then your body's just changing all the time. And your kid's crying, and they don't have language yet. All of that really helped formulate that. And then there's other chapters in the book that I talked about my identity as a woman who is an achiever. Those are skills that you still can bring into motherhood.

(...)

Why do I divorce them? Why do I say this is only for work and professional life when this is who I am?

So I'm going to show up this way. The same way I show up at work is

of ways how I show up at home.(...) And if it's not, then why is that? So it was really this idea of integration.

It opened my eyes to, wow, I've kind of siloed myself. I have my work Heidi. I have my mom Heidi.

I have my wife Heidi.

And

dysphoric. Yeah.(...)

that's so common

America, maybe more so than other places. But I felt like that when I was working full time.

(...)

And even though when I tried to go part time or quit, even though administration was like, well, just bring the baby. The office will watch. But you won't.(...) I still can't leave 60 kids and go do this. And I will just be thinking about the baby. There was literally no way to integrate that.

And I understand you need workers at work.

(...)

But it's been a journey for me to be working more part time and more from home and realize I can bring kids to meeting. And it can all be

in with each other and that it's possible.

But

that's I think why I was so fascinated with you is because it's just not the norm still.

Well, I think the key I'm so glad you shared that, Callie, because what it made me think of is how we are from little on.

We're in America, one other country's too, but we are indoctrinated in sort of this peer centric culture.(...) So you go be with your peers when you're three, four, five, six. And you spend most of your waking time with your peers.

So it's not weird that then when we graduate and become adults and have families that like

don't know how to integrate. We don't know how to be family centric.

never thought about that.

And we were home schooled right until high school.

Right. And I'm thinking about the beliefs you held prior to getting married, which were similar to many of my beliefs, even as I was married.

(...)

Kyla and I were married for seven years before. Like we had our seventh wedding anniversary the day after Kieran was born.

I was able to hold a lot of those in my marriage even. Yeah. And then becoming a mother, I'm like, oh,

(...)

there's so much unraveling happening. I don't even know where it begins and where it ends and what it means. But as you're walking through what you saw growing up

kind of how your life shifted, I'm like, oh, yeah, if ever there was a godly woman, it was, it had to be my mother. Right.

(...)

I mean,(...)

that idea of like total self sacrifice, like I

think there's pieces of truth. Like there's always a piece of truth in every lie that we believe. It's just sort of like this twisted nature and it's sort of unraveling what part of that is true and what part of that

And I think it's also holding the belief that you can be a godly woman and come to different conclusions

like I even now being on this podcast, I'm thinking like, oh, thinking about some of my friends who might hear it.

(...)

And there are amazing godly women who have been called to

full time professionally(...) in a corporate

and have found ways either with the way they set up their marriage. So like their husband is primary parent or they have other people who are really involved in their children's lives and all of that character development.

(...)

And I have all their really great godly women friends who would never think about working for pay or leaving like the four walls of their home. They're very content at home. They don't have a desire for that.

So I don't have this all figured out. I don't even know. Like maybe in another 10 years, I'll be like, oh, I had it wrong. You know, I shared my story and I let all those women astray. Really we should all be at home or really we should all go work full time or I don't know. I just think it's a wrestling. It's a big wrestling.

I still wrestle with it because at every stage there's like different needs. And then, you know, at every stage you look back and go, what results did I am I responsible for a year and what results are just because they they grew up, they showed up a certain way.

so I'm just resonating with

what you're saying about like having tried to go back and tried to fit back in that model, Cali, and then like Emily coming to motherhood with all of those

and feelings and then just be totally like you said unraveled.

Emily tried to go back to I did go back for four months. I actually liked it.

I think it was the perfect time for me to go back. We had a care and they were like, I didn't have to teach my kid how to eat. That sounded like hell to me. I'm really grateful for

that.

This beginning phase of your journey, it sounds so smooth and intentional and like this beautiful progression looking back.

(...)

Well, we got pregnant the first month we charted. And I remember looking at that test going, what have we just done? Oh my gosh, because I was starting to get really sick. So I was really sick with all my pregnancies and

I had a grade three tear. So like the recovery was hard.(...) And then

know, like all the soreness with breastfeeding and

and infection and mastitis. And so I think I couldn't even really think about work and professional life because I was in such survival mode.

and then all the mental, emotional of there's this little person who needs

to make sure that he stays alive. And, you know, and my husband, too, he was very involved. I didn't feel like I was alone, you know, in my parenthood, but I didn't have a mom network yet.

So,

moments I've had multiple moments of just like, this is horrible. This is so hard. I can't believe we decided to do this, but I'm so glad he's here and I'm so glad he's alive and I'm so glad he's healthy. And we'll get through this. And, you know, if I can just get him to sleep, if I can just get him to breastfeed and this kind of goes back to that whole mentality, we talked a little bit about pre-show of just if I can just get to this next point, life will be easier. And

a survival mechanism and it works.

But if it's like my long term plan, I will always be disappointed because there's always another if I can just get to. There's always like another

to climb.

I think that whole sort of waterboarding, you know, experience first time was like instilling in me like, A, you're not in control.

(...)

B, there's hard things that are still good

just because they're hard. I mean, they're bad. And then C,

this is going to be a roller coaster. There is no like ending. You will for the rest of your life hold your identity and your personhood in the balance with the identity and personhood of another child, another person. Like there is no, you know, Lord willing, provided everybody stays alive. Right. That's what we accidentally or intentionally signed up for.

And so

to figure out how to balance that

like always a conversation. It's always something that we need to move toward because we're never not going to have that tension.

It's just refreshing to hear you say that. So many

voices out there say, oh, if you just do this in your weekly schedule, you'll have it figured out.

And I'm like, OK, for how many years, Rachel? Like while you have, you know, two and I don't know.

(...)

And also, if you're as you're talking about, oh, if I just get to the next thing to the next thing,(...) that's how I feel about a lot of my life. And it can be in a positive way. Like I'm just excited for I love and a good anticipation. However, if you're like, if I can just get there, I think you're automatically on defense. So what are you creating for yourself if you're just reacting the whole time?

It's hard to lead an intentional life if that's

you're stuck in.

Do you have practices or tools that you use

sort of, I don't know, find the intention of that season and or like.

Balance your values, even figure out what your values are. I mean, amidst the chaos of having, you know, even one kid is chaotic and then you had seven,

How do you sit down? How do you find those quiet moments to build out that intention? Really figure out what your values are as they change and evolve.

That is such a great question and a great focus, because I think that's the core of the conflict or the tension. When we talk about identity and motherhood, it's really a conflict of value.

our values are always competing. Like if I'm valuing achievement

or if I'm valuing. Right. So

the beginning, the beginning looks really different than the middle, which looks really different, you know, than the next middle of this motherhood journey for me. So I think back to the very beginning,(...) I think I just relied a little bit on like, well, who was I before motherhood? And what mattered to me before motherhood?

And then

am I now or what's changed? Because naturally things are going to change.

The practice of that, I think, was talking with close friends, you know, making sure I had my close friend conversations.

And then I am a journaler, like I'm a writer, journaler.

And I would kind of wrestle with things in my journal,

pray through things, books. I feel like I mentored or I allowed myself to be mentored by authors. There's so many women that I

wrote books that I just am so grateful for

so the practices were as far as getting clarity. I mean, I was I was looking for a framework or some

Structure to this like you guys are with this transition into motherhood, like what we know this is happening. But like, where are the mile markers? Like, how do I orient myself to this way of being? So I was reading books about that. And then I think the values conversation came into play in one of those books.

But I didn't really

my values. I think I did kind of like those Hobby Lobby placards, you know, as the family football, you know, like, but not to the death happening

in your brain. Or was this a hobby of yours?

No, no, no. I'm just saying, like, as far as values, I didn't go deeper than just those typical like, oh, I value family. I value faith. I value football. I don't really value football, but like, you know, those big those just broad general things. But really,

was like, do I value structure flexibility? Do I value truth? Do I value freedom? Do I value value integrity? Like the depth of those values didn't come until I had four kids and I was invited into a

program.

A friend of mine was creating a leadership program and I had done table facilitation in other, you know, other groups. And she's like, hey, I just need a table facilitator. Do you want to come down? So then I was in her program and she had this amazing values card exercise where you take a solid 30 minutes and you're doing card sorting and you're trying to prioritize, like, what words resonate with you? What values do you have?(...) And you can only pick five,

is like as most real world as you can get, because we can't.

We can't live into all our values all at the same time. I mean, they're always one is always going to be slightly over the other one with those choices.

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(...)

that was really the framework for my aligning my values. And then Eric and I did it together, the values alignment. And that was huge for our family, because then we were like making choices about what our kids are involved in. Or are we schooling homeschooling? Are we public schooling? Are we private schooling? Like, everything sort of came into alignment with that. So

wise, it looked different at each stage. And now and like we've already redone that values alignment. I think it was eight years after the first time we did it

a couple. And then for our family. And did it change?

Some of them did.

(...)

Because values can change if they change based on life experience.

They change on stage of life.

those two things really impact where your values are at. And so when you go through this massive life experience about becoming a mom,

it's natural

some values would shift.

(...)

But just getting language around that was really helpful for me.

And were you working at this time?

So when I had Zach,(...) I was freelancing

I was kind of remote before remote was cool because I because I had moved.

(...)

And they did let me bring the baby in office sometimes, like in a pack and play, he could nap and.

But no, then I then I only freelance, but I found myself pregnant. I never cycled and I found myself pregnant with our second child.

(...)

I love that you charted for the first month, like first month. And then, of course, you don't cycle. Of course, like you're the person where it's going to happen to you.

Right.

I just didn't think that I could

don't know. I just didn't think that I could sustain a pregnancy and breastfeed. But

clearly has not been the reality of my life.

(...)

Well, OK, so you see your freelancing. So you still have your foot in the door professionally. I'm curious, like when you're having these values conversations,

(...)

were you still working?

(...)

And did you learn anything earth shattering that changed how you saw work or how you saw the intersection?(...) We were speaking so eloquently earlier about,

synergy between all of your roles as a woman.

And I'm wondering when that started to come together for you.

I think in the beginning, I was doing work because I was holding on to what I thought was my identity.

So I was not integrated. I was like, well, I'll be darned if I'm going to give this up because this is the last piece of who I am. Someone else has been in my body like, you know, posting that little child, like feeling like an alien in my own body. And then

was just so much change and so much discomfort that I think, well, at least if I can work, that feels normal.

probably important at the time.

It was important.

So it was it was sort of a dance. And I was kind of like, oh, well, I'm embracing motherhood. And then we moved again. So we had a lot of like other external transition. And that's when I found myself pregnant with Emmy.

(...)

And then.

I really wanted to still work.

I think what was happening at the time and I didn't know it is I started building something that was family centric.

laughing at myself because it's still a lot of work and they're still, you know, instead of having one boss, you have all your clients as bosses. But but this idea that I baby bosses

and then your baby love that. OK, well, if you don't nap, I'm screwed tonight.(...) So where are we? Yes, you're so right.

Emily

But like I could expand and contract.

(...)

With my family life, because I was prioritizing, you know, my pregnancies and then being the primary caregiver. Of my kids. So

that cycle lasted. I mean,

obviously with that many kids, that cycle lasted. I was pregnant or breastfeeding for,(...)

know, the better part of 15, 16 years.

(...)

I can't even picture it.

(...)

I know. So much.

You had to

just ace these sweet spots.

Right.

When you had the energy, when you were just digging.

Well, and the kind of business I was in could do that. Like I was freelancing marketing and graphic design. So it was all project based. So in the project cycle was about it could be one month super compressed, but it was about three months.

but it was in these really these micro seasons, these three months of time ish.

Where my business would flourish and then I'd be really focused on motherhood and growing another baby or birthing one

you know, and then I could do something in my business. It was really I could be more adaptable because I owned it and be because I was developing a mindset that

it's every three months I kind of get to regroup.(...) And

know works important and my family is important. So every three months, I'm just going to kind of say, where are we at now?

can you just tell us all about that? You said micro seasons. And so now I just need to know, like, what is this?

(...)

Let's start there.

it's a signature method that I use in my coaching practice to help men and women. But it really fits well with women,

with kids. Right.

helps people be present and profitable. So it really was birthed out of my whole journey of 20 years of being a mom, having an entrepreneurial business. I've switched a couple of businesses based on who I was becoming at the time. My energy levels at the time. Right.

Different locations that we've lived. But I've always had something that I was I've always had a business that I was working in.

don't know, a few years ago,(...)

When I started leadership coaching more,

started pulling in these different tools, like the values card deck exercise. I got certified in my friends process. So now I have that tool.(...) So I'm like, that was so helpful. So we're going to bring that in. You know, Clifton's strengths is something I use, but it's understanding my design. Like, who am I? Who was I believe I was created. So who am I created to be? There's just parts of me that are always going to be there no matter what role I'm in.

And I started thinking about my life instead of of like siloed, like height work, Heidi and mom, Heidi. And I started thinking about myself, like, who is the core of Heidi? And then what are my roles?

(...)

Right. So then I can show up as a mom, I can show up as a business owner, I can show up as a coach, I can show up as a friend, I can show up as a daughter. But the core of who I am is still who I am.

And that's a piece of this program. So there's

awareness kind of an assessment period where you just go, who am I right now? What am I about right now? What matters to me?

(...)

And then the second part is an alignment piece where you say, OK, so then with all these roles I have, all these responsibilities I have, all these dreams I have, all these callings I have, all these expectations I have, these are all things that you might have for yourself or what other people might have for you. You kind of start to sort through and say, OK, well, I'm only I am human and one person. So what is reasonable? What you know, what aligns with my values and what I feel like I'm called to be focused on right now?

And then there's this planning piece where we take,

know, the five key areas, five key roles or buckets of life that you really feel called to show up in and we define success. Like, what does success look like in that?

(...)

Because I know for myself, it looks different at different seasons and those three month cycles are I've used those like when we're in soccer season with three kids on three separate soccer teams in different fields and,

two kids just getting them into college. That is not the season where I'm going to go away with my husband. That's not the season I'm going to like take my kids out for coffee and try to like be intentional mom kid one on one time.

So success is apparent in that season. Like I actually have written out it's showing up on bleachers. It's, you know, driving around. But like the little kid time, I actually identified what a success is a parent. It's getting up for midnight or the late night, all night feedings. You know, it's making sure everyone's fed. It's making sure they're bathed. It's making sure that they have an opportunity to sleep. Right. Like I had to list it out. So I felt like I was accomplishing something.(...) But more than that, it was just defining what is success. So I don't always feel like I'm failing.

This is hitting so hard right now because

days are so amorphous.

I can have three small goals.(...) And sometimes I'm stymied by a tiny person. And I'm like, I used to do these things in my sleep. What do you mean? I can't just get the dishwasher unloaded today. Like that was just one goal, you know.

(...)

So

have your successes defined, some that.(...) I'm going to be doing some work after this. But also the example you gave of OK, well, this is not the season to go away with my husband.

I'm in this place of OK, well, my life looks so different now than it has.

When does the old life get to creep in or do I just grieve it and let it go?

(...)

But to hear you say, OK, well, this is not the season for that.

That leads me to believe you could plan ahead. Like, hey, when soccer season is done, I know that has an end date. It's going to be on my calendar.(...) We can, you know, have a weekend away to work on our marriage.

(...) There's just like this hope that I felt. You say that because you've identified, you know, what's going on, what's important.(...) And you've also identified the shift ahead of time.

Yeah, I love that you say that brings hope because I feel that, too. Like, I think when I can say, well, it will come.(...) But I'm curious, what is it about your old life that you miss?

Oh, we had a really charmed existence.

(...)

We both had good jobs. We lived in, honestly, an adult playground. It was not family friendly. We lived in Seattle. We lived in the Pacific Northwest. So we lived downtown so we could, you know, a Tuesday night dinner. I mean, it was really just an extravagant lifestyle. Tuesday night dinner was like, oh, yeah. We can drop X amount just for fun for happy hour, because we felt like spending time with each other and have a dozen oysters or whatever. And then, oh, this weekend, we're looking a little freer. Oh, you know what? Let's book that gorgeous Airbnb in the mountains. Why not? It's a 45 minute drive.

So

that I would

don't have aspirations to raise a kid in. And my life is so much richer and better now.

(...)

But I'm still, you know, two years in and a bit of a culture shock. So I'm like,(...) I just am I just still going to be grieving for a while? Or can we bring some of that back in? Yeah, absolutely. I love that question.

It can occur. Well, and I love that question. Can we bring it back in? Because that's where I was thinking of what asking you, like,(...) what part of that could you bring in or what part like if you get to the core of it. So it's not going to look like oysters on Tuesday night and walking down. Maybe, maybe, maybe it is. Maybe you just.

Probably in Milwaukee, not Milwaukee. I'm in Milwaukee. It's possible.

But like what I heard about that was freedom and like new experiences and.

(...)

Yeah. And so, you know, I don't want to say, oh, you can't do it now. Like maybe that is what you feel like you want to take from my comment about the micro seasons, but also I just want to encourage you. Maybe there's some piece of that that you you want to bring in now. Like you do say it is important. I need freedom one night a week or one night a month. Like so I'm going to totally book

sitter or I'm going to. I don't know what that looks like for you, but, you know, it's OK to say I miss these things and they're still part of me. Like I love freedom. I love fancy dinners and I love Airbnb. So I know we're not going to do it every Tuesday night. And I know we're not going to do it every weekend. I feel like it. But like,(...) let's put that in our life somehow.

And I think what was also really powerful for me is hearing you say, OK, we have to define the success first, because right now I don't think

(...)

I feel comfortable doing that. I don't think I feel comfortable asking for the time or asking for the thing or making it a priority unless I feel like we're acing things as a as I'm acing things as a mom

So it's like, what does that look like? I can't know that I'm acing it if I don't know what it looks like.

Absolutely. I'm a parent of a toddler right now. I feel like it's so easy for me when Charlie's like, but mom, I want to go skiing today. I'm like, duh, you can't go skiing till there's snow, you know. And like it's and as you are saying that and saying season over and over again, I'm like, oh, that's such a helpful way for me to realize, like the universe or the creator or whatever it is, like can look down on me and be like, duh, you can't do that right now. And yes, I promise the winter will come and you can go skiing, you know, like just to zoom out

That's really helpful, too.

So how many seasons do you probably have in a year or do you even know? Does it change year to year?

Yeah, so I have I typically have four now. Sometimes I've had five. I'm looking over here at my post-it notes

(...)

So I love so the book, The 12 Week Year, I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but it is.

And this idea of quarters or every three months or 90 days is not a new idea. Like, it's been all over business, you know, but what I feel like is new about it for me was just accepting that I'm going to live my life in these 90 days. Like, I'm going to define success for 90 days instead of like, OK, the success is at the end of the year. And, you know, this is just the milestone thing that I'm going to try to get to in the next three months, but just actually seeing what does success look like in these 90 days. So.

guess the seasons I usually have in a year right now, because I'm working with businesses.

do just the 90 days. So it's quarter one, quarter two, quarter three, quarter four.(...) But my season, my three months don't necessarily align with the business months because of our school schedule. So I have right now I'm in June, July and August.(...) So summer is a quarter because summer looks totally different with my public school kids home, even my homeschoolers. Like I'm not schooling in summer. We take a break. And then it's September, October, November,

December, January, February, March, April, May.

the seasons of weather change kind of during those times, there's holidays that mark those seasons. And then our family schedule.

Kind of fits in there with all the sports I was telling about, telling you about, or like family fun we want to do in the summer. You know, I make my works. I just changed my whole work schedule calendaring,(...) you know, my calendar for clients to book, just changed it to summer hours because now it's summer. So I'm not working Monday afternoons all day, Wednesday, because I want to go to the pool in the afternoons.

(...)

Yeah.

(...)

is such a power play. I'm going back to your we were talking about feminism in the beginning of this interview and I.

Being back to trainings professionally in my old life,

there's just a lot of coaching around language that women can use specifically like in emails, like how to speak from a place of power.(...) And, you know, no, thank you for being here. But like you're welcome that I showed up really

is kind of tone, right? Like we're trying to, I think(...) in a lot of industries where it's a more masculine dominated space, coach women on how to take up more space and how to claim their power and work from a place of power. So I think this is the ultimate power move, actually, to say, well, no, this is my life. So these are actually my quarters. This is how my professional life is dictated and these are my energy points.

I hadn't thought about it that way, but but wow. Yeah, I guess. I guess so.

Well, I'm sure you're more effective. Like it it's an efficacy thing, too, because you are able to show up

better.

I am. And what's interesting as you were talking, it was like, actually, some of my clients, their summer schedule changes, too. So they like that I have early morning times because their kids are home or, you know, they've got a camping trip here and another one here. And

And I think, too, it models because the work I do with people is leadership coaching and a big part of that is rest and rhythm. And so it models like, hey, I'm doing this in my own life, too, because it works for me

And so if I had a newborn, I would not have any early morning appointments available. You know, if I would only book when people were generally napping, you

And then I would have and I have had like all these(...) backups or things I need to do when they don't nap. Right.

It's a horror. It's just like it like lives over my head sometimes.

I know you feel like, oh, my gosh, the clock is ticking.

The clock is ticking.

What would be natural rhythms for you, ladies, in your stage of life with the kids that you have right now, like when you think about micro seasons, what would be natural

for you or breaks for you?

Well, mine still was on a school calendar. Like this is going to be the first year that I'm not really, even though I still am a little bit. So it still feels like that to me. So I feel like I'm figuring out a new and I haven't. I don't know what it is yet.

I think I feel like I'm in a cloud of.(...) Ether.

(...)

I have to create it like I when we became pregnant, it was around the time we talked about,

but also a surprise to me because I wasn't quite ready.

(...)

So those three months,(...) Kelly told me later, she was like, I was going to ask you if you were depressed. It was I was just so sick.

So it's been really around like, oh, what can my body do as it changes?

not so much the two year old because he's two. So that's what I mean by just living in a cloud of like, well, I could create the micro season.

Yeah, I'm not really sure. I need to know. I think right now I'm like, OK, I actually really need to create this for myself because

(...)

I had not contemplated prior to this conversation what an end date would do for my brain.

And I think that's going to be.

Amazing. Once I do some soul searching and attach this to a calendar.

Yeah, I'm going to up my journaling game and get a really big calendar.

(...)

I love it.

(...)

I know. Yeah. Do you have journaling practices that are crucial to you or that have remained consistent over the years?

I've always had a need to like get my brain on paper, clear the mental clutter, and I can do that verbally, too. But sometimes but I don't always have a friend who's available at that time to talk or sometimes it's not clear enough to talk it through. So

most of the time I feel like I'm like I haven't been able to exhale. Like there's just so much coming at me that when I sit down to journal, like I don't have a prompt and just like finally like throwing it all up on the paper,

for me, I at this season in my life and I keep trying to think about what it what it was like when I had a couple little kids or when I was pregnant. Right.

I'll just start with where I'm at now is for the last five to 10 years. Like I've had a need. I just go away. Like it used to be just for a day or six hours. I go sit at a coffee shop. I bring some books. I bring my planner and I would just be able to take care of my mental clutter. Like I'd write down all the things I had to do in sort of these areas that I wanted to get done. And

have a page for my business so I could write down all those thoughts. And

five,(...) five, six years ago,

(...)

we were at a place with the ages of our kids and my mental health. I was like, I need at least 15 minutes. Like can you to my husband, like no matter what, he works from home. I'm like, no matter what. I need to know I'm going to have 15 minutes and you will please bring me coffee. So he brings me coffee. I don't even go down into the fray, right? I just stay upstairs,(...) brings me coffee and I have a quiet time. And that revolutionized me at that time once I had like six kids. And then I then that practice lasted when we had Eva, even with a nursing, because I was like, I can't even function like I could not function without those 15 minutes of quiet.

a lot of sense. Beautiful.

(...)

You know, as you can, I just offer one other thing. I know you want to ask a question. Yeah.

as you were talking about the.

Transition like from having this beautiful charmed life into motherhood, you know, and you weren't quite ready. And I felt the same way, like when I got my pregnancy test, I wasn't quite ready. It's what I wanted, but I was also freaking out.

I think in our humanity, like no one really wants to sign up for all the hard.

Even if we tell everybody like no one told me it was going to be this hard. Well, yeah, did you really want to know?

Yeah, so true.

Yeah, because I didn't. I mean, I I've said that many times, like no one told me about this. No one told me about that. And I'm thinking I was reticent even knowing like a third of the hard.

would anybody ever have a child and become a mother if we told them all the hard things about motherhood?

Or could they absorb it? I mean, I think about that a lot, too,

lot of this, the conversations we're having are things I do wish that I would have known.

(...) Yeah, so maybe you do.

But I think about had I heard them, I don't think they really would have registered. I think I would have said, oh, but it'll be different. I can manage it or I can, you know, it'll be nice.(...) So I don't even know that we're willing. We're ready to hear it. It's just

a conversation of, OK, how do we get through it and support each other and feel the growth on the other side? Like look back and say, well, look how far we've come. Yes, by the heart.

(...) Yes, despite the heart. And I think really what you're talking about, that's like a reframing.

You know, when you're talking about growth, that's a reframing of the heart. And even when it comes to identity, this reframing,

so many people say I lost my identity in motherhood. I lost it. Or I'm trying not to lose myself in motherhood.

I was one of those people

I thought, like, I don't want to lose myself. That's why I kept working. That's why I kept doing certain things.

And really, a shift happened for me when I(...) reframed that and thought, well,

why not? Like, what's so bad about motherhood? Or the other shift is, was I really who I am or was destined to be before motherhood?

(...) Hmm. That's such a powerful question to me, because I think the unraveling for me that I've been experiencing the past couple of years.

A lot of it is, well, what was put on me that I just accepted?

(...)

That isn't core to what's important. Like, it's also been empowering. It hasn't just been floundering. So that is such a good

in general.

(...) Well, in the core, I love that you use the word core, because there's this analogy that came to me.

You guys know Da Vinci, right?(...) The sculptor and painter. And he made one of his famous sculptures is The David.

I think before motherhood, I thought that I was who I am supposed to be. And I was really just a rough cut block of granite.

I guess if you want to take this analogy, like from my family. Right. I finally like separated from my family. I made a life of my own. I am who I'm supposed to be. And then I was like completely astounded when I became a mom. And then there was more of this

chiseling happening.

This is hitting. I'm like, yeah, I thought I had this figured out. Wow.

(...)

This is just the beginning. Are you kidding me? No.

You have a rough cut block of granite.(...) Wow. I love this.

(...)

So really, motherhood and and matresence is about becoming more of who we were always designed to be.

Like Da Vinci saw The David in that, you know, and whether it's our creator. I mean, I believe it's our creator who sees like the core of who I am, my soul, the core of who I am. And every life experience is chiseling me into more of that

And so when I think of it that way, it still hurts like hell a lot of times.

(...)

It's not comfortable, right? But it's not like a loss of something that went out to see. It's like a becoming which feels more purposeful.

And it's artistic and it's creative.

(...)

Although I will say when I think of David, he's so masculine. I just thought that. And it's so out of it. Did he make? I saw him in Italy and I was like, whoa. Oh, I was like, well, it's just smaller than I thought. Yeah, I was in college. I was just like, whoa.

(...) Did Da Vinci do a female sculpture tour? Was it only David?

(...)

I know that David is the famous one, but yes.

(...) Da Vinci still stands. I'm just thinking about his penis, but it's OK.

I'm pretty sure he just didn't worship women in the same way he did men, though.

so yeah, it could be could be. But I know, like they said, his he chiseled like with a rough chisel and then he had a fine chisel. And then it was sandpaper and then it was a velvet cloth. Oh, my gosh. Oh, really? Yeah. So I'm just thinking about like, if we take this analogy further, like, you know, there's maybe aspects of our identity that get to velvet cloth sooner or, you know, but I think for those of us who are called into motherhood, who are who are open to it, who choose it, who are given the gift of fertility and being able to carry a child.

You know, accepting that this is part of becoming versus

(...)

it's a loss of something that was actually truer.

(...)

You know, it's just a huge mindset shift. And that really was a moment. You asked me earlier, Emily, and I couldn't come up with the moment. But that mindset shift was a moment for me where I was like, huge.(...) OK, I can do the hard things. I can embrace this discomfort.

(...)

And then I'm not second guessing myself constantly, like,(...) because my core is still there. My core is never left. It's just becoming more beautiful or more defined.

So powerful.

I think I'm just going to listen back to this clip, maybe like top of my morning for a while.

It's your affirmation for the day. Totally.

From for women who are intrigued by the micro season

we will make sure we include your email or places where our listeners can find you. But I'm wondering if you could give a brief framework of how they could approach that.

So do you have tools or resources that listeners could go to

do have some helpful tools to kind of get started. I just there's nowhere to go

not anymore because my website is still

a revamp.

I'd be happy to email one of them to you. It's just taking three basic steps. And the first one,

mind mapping. Everything that's

before you. So you put a circle in the center of a piece of paper and it's called my life(...) and you can just start drawing out,

you know.

Mom to.

what's his name, Karen? No, Karen. Yeah, Karen, mom to Karen. And then anything that comes to mind about that for you, like that you're responsible for or a role you play, you know, if it's nurturing, if it's feeding him, if it's bathing him

then maybe you have a line for your husband,

Kyle, and you know, and then maybe you have a line for your sisters because you're also a sister and you will line for your daughters or being a daughter, you know, and all these different pieces and you have your podcast and you have any other hobby, you just put it all on paper.

And just then from that point, group them into no more than five.

Bucket areas.

And everybody's are different.

I have a bucket for marriage and parenting, the relational pieces of that. I have a bucket for kids in school and like the logistical part of my parenting of the kids, I have a bucket for my work.

I have a bucket for myself.

And I have a bucket for other ministry. So anything I do at church, anything, you know, bringing a meal to a friend like loving on other people. So those are my five buckets.

(...)

Then what you want to do

consider those five buckets and you can even draw on a piece of paper if you're artistic or not, but just little boxes like Polaroids, because I call them snapshots of success in my program.

So you draw five Polaroids. And if you want to draw a picture, you can. Or if you want to just write words of like,(...) what does it look like in my marriage and parenting bucket? Like when I'm thinking about relationships, you know, I'm showing up to games. I'm having a date night twice a month or whatever, you know, whatever it is. Just get specific and articulate that. Not super tasky, more like this is who I am when this is happening the way I want it to happen.

And then the third piece is just to think of the next 90 days(...) and pick one or two things from each of your five buckets that you could focus on.

So for kids in logistics, for me, it's not school right now. It's cleaning the schoolroom and it's driving them to their different activities. I also have like summer fun in there because I'm not driving them to a bunch of activities as much as I am in school year. So we're going to go to the pool or we're going to go to a park. We're going to go get daily bars.

Yeah, so those are the three basic things. Just, you know, put it all on paper. And the goal is not to get overwhelmed. The goal is to just try to categorize. So it's like dumping your kitchen drawer out. The messy one, right? And you're just you're like, oh, this is here. This is here. This is here. Like, how could I organize this? OK, we're going to come up with five buckets to put it in.

Define success and then pick one or two things that you can move toward in those areas in the next 90 days.

And there's a deadline.

(...) Yeah, 90 days.

That's it. Yeah, 90 days. That's it. That's right. So yeah, it really is great to have that because I think what I love about the defining success in the deadline is that

lets me know when it's enough.

That's my problem.

That's huge.

And so you're always hearing this drum beat of it's not enough. It's not enough. Do more, be more, do more, be more until you can define like what is actually when have I arrived? And of course, there's these ideals that are going to be out there for longer than 90 days. But right now.

This is enough and it is going to move me. Micro successes every micro season. It's going to move me more toward.

Where I want to be.

So good. So good at all. I could talk to you for three more hours. Thank you so much for being here. Well likewise, ladies. This has been invaluable.

(...) Yeah. Well, thank you so much. And you know, you're doing amazing things in your motherhood, even though it feels like they can't even talk. They can't even thank you right now. But just the fact that you're showing up and giving so much time and energy and creating a whole podcast to motherhood.

(...)

Yes.

(...)

really quickly. Best way for people to find you if they want to learn more, if they want to reach out to you.

Yeah. So my website will be live again soon. And that's Heidi Leverans dot com.

But in the meantime, you can email me at Heidi at Heidi Leverans dot com. And I know it's like Kelly said, it's complicated. So we'll put that in the show notes spelled out correctly.

I am on Instagram, but I haven't posted for two and a half years. So you can message me through there because I'm still on it. I'm just not putting out content. So if you go there and you're like, what?

(...) Thank you so, so much.

Thank you, ladies, so much.

And thank you both for the work you're doing to support moms and just to bring to light conversations that don't always happen or maybe are uncomfortable for people, but it's easy to listen in your your earbuds. So thank you so much for your work. It's important.

(...)

We'll talk soon.

OK, bye bye.

(...)