Episode 50: Part 2: Maternal Compass Miniseries with Caitlin Ruby Miller, LPC: Tools & Tactics to Honor the Inner Voices Causing Chaos

Part 2 of our 5-part miniseries on developing your inner maternal wisdom

Ever wondered what it would be like to sit in on one of our therapy sessions? This week, Emily sits down with therapist Caitlin Ruby Miller to identify exactly which voice is drowning out her maternal compass. What emerges is a beer-bellied Disney character who might be saying something important about worth, rest, and what happens when achievers become stay-at-home moms. Turns out, he doesn't want to talk to someone who's disgusted by him.

Main Topics & Discussion

The Guilt That Lives in Your Marriage

Emily expected mom guilt to center around her toddler. Instead? It's showing up in her relationship with Kyle – around their single-income arrangement, who's sacrificing what, and whose needs are going unmet. The conversation explores how modern motherhood forces difficult choices and why sometimes the injustice isn't about your kids at all.

When Your "Lazy" Part Has a Face

Through Caitlin's questions, a character emerges: disheveled, beer-bellied, kind of gross. He represents the terror of becoming someone who doesn't maximize potential. And when Caitlin asks Emily to engage with him? The HORROR! The theme is discomfort, but the technique leads to a deeper conversation about what basic human dignity looks like. We'll call that a win.

The CEO vs. The Schlub

Emily's operating in scarcity mode around time, money, and energy in ways she never has before. Meanwhile, another part – the CEO in the pantsuit – keeps asking "were you intentional today?" The tension between these voices reveals something crucial about identity, productivity, and what we actually value.

Resources & Next Steps

Download the Worksheet: Practice identifying your own internal voices. FREE resource from Caitlin.

Learn more about Caitlin: [Website/Instagram]

This podcast is educational only and not a substitute for professional mental health care.

Links & Discount Codes:

8Sheep Organics: Click this link for 10% off your purchase!

Kindred Bravely: THEREALMOMHUB15 for 15% off!

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

Like what you hear? Let us know!

• Rate & Review on Apple Podcasts & Spotify – Help others discover the show!
• Join the Conversation – Join us on social (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok), or send us a message at therealmomhub@gmail.com to let us know what you'd like to hear more of.
• Share this epis...

Transcript

Hi everybody, welcome back. We are here with Caitlin Ruby Miller for part two of our inner wisdom

series of

And we're here, we talk about finding your maternal compass, making sure you know where your true north is, giving you tools to be rock solid and what you know is true and what is good for you, and kind of quieting and stepping away from all of the other voices that we as moms experience in 2025 daily on social, from friends and family on the streets and the grocery store.

(...)

No, anywhere we go with our kids everywhere.

(...)

Big brother is watching you. Like pop up.

Yeah.

(...)

Oh, that actually could be a resonant metaphor to try to tap into what we're trying to do today, which is the voices that are taking up the mic the voices that are taking up the space distracting us from tuning into our maternal compass. And the last episode was about like, what is the maternal compass? Why isn't important? And one thing I just want to highlight again is the idea behind tapping into your maternal compass is it helps to organize your thoughts. It's like an organizational principle for all the thoughts that come streaming into us all the time.(...) And so this episode I was thinking about

strategies to learn how to tap into a voice and likely this voice is not your maternal compass because most likely the voices that you're hearing the most are like critical parts of you that are taking up the mic. So I was thinking about using Emily as a demonstration of what it might look like to resonate with this concept, but not know how to apply it to yourself. And

we'll also have an accompanying worksheet to describe how to tap into a voice to practice tapping into voices and then in future episodes we'll go into what's the maternal compass, where is your maternal compass? How do we tap into it? How do we make it practical? How do we give you tools? And then, voila.

(...)

Voila. You're the best at life. So Emily's in the hot seat. Emily is in the hot seat.

Welcome to the hot seat, Emily.

(...)

How to hear out.

(...) I'm thinking it's like the cool seat. It's like she's sitting on the bank of a river on a beautiful stone and we're just like chatting.

Oh wow.

The river of consciousness.

Is there like some dappled sunlight? Do I get some moss?

You get so much moss. Oh my gosh. Your dress is moss. There's like, there's...

In a great way. It's closed nicely.

Oh yes. Oh, I would never make a poor moss dress. Come on.

(...)

Only moss excellence for sure. So if you have not listened to the first episode in the series, make sure you go back, give that a listen before

you hear Emily air her fins. Emily air her fish right here. I'm going to be air so much fish here.

I don't think it's going to be as fishy as you think. As either of you think.

(...)

Which is typical about approaching therapy or approaching voices. Like the ideas sometimes can be much scarier than actually doing it.

(...)

I was listening to a quick interview with Richard Schwartz, who was the founder of internal family systems, which is where I'm like getting a lot of inspiration from. And he was saying the most powerful thing that he helps clients do is to be less afraid of the parts inside of themselves. And it gives them so much less power, so much less overwhelm. And then it helps you be the person who decides what happens in your life. So there's like a freedom to it.

all of that said,

worksheet is to help people tap into their loudest voice to start. So I'm going to go with some similar questions

that might be on the worksheet to start, but I want to ask you, Emily,(...) in your recent experience of being a mom. So let's say the past three months.

Where does guilt come up for you the most and could you start describing that.

(...)

Transcription Pending

Transcription Pending

(...)

Transcription Pending

(...)

Yeah.

past three months specifically, that was helpful. That's a concrete period, honestly, in my relationship with Kyle.

That's where guilt's coming up the most?

Yeah, not even.

(...)

I don't have a lot of guilt around

almost two year olds and my mothering yet.

(...)

Because most cases, we haven't really reached a phase where there's a lot of behavioral issues or anything like that. So in most cases, he's a really easy child, to be honest.

(...)

I can look at the situation and say, could he have better right now? Sure. But does he have really some of the best all the time? Yeah, like I'm giving him so much. She has so much goodness. He has everything he needs. There's honestly not a lot of guilt yet surrounding him.(...) So where it comes in is this choice to leave the workforce and stay home with Kieran, which I don't ever question, frankly, at this stage.

Which puts me into, I almost feel like I'm waiting. I have this one toddler child, I have another baby coming. That might be our last baby, we might have another.

(...)

But I feel really strongly, especially during the breastfeeding time, to be physically near and present for those small children. But I firmly intend for them to go to school and for me to reenter the workforce. So right now, I guess I'm thinking about that future and having a hard time holding that with my present. And where that manifests in terms of guilt with Kyle is I was one of those women who thought I could have it all. I think it's like,

(...)

I give for me to do the important things well.

(...)

But I never thought that would be my career if I'm being honest. And so to bring it all back to Kyle,

(...)

it's shocking to me that I would ever ask him to be a Soul Bread winner. It still shocks me. It shocks people who are close to me.

So I've been on a few trips with Kieran to see his great grandparents,

(...)

to do other things that Kyle can't do right now because he's busy pivoting and building this new career for himself

(...)

in order to serve his family, which is beautiful and hard to accept.

(...)

What are the specific thoughts that come to you that are feeling hard, let's say when you're driving up(...) with your child on a road trip(...) and Kyle isn't with you?

(...)

What are the thoughts that come to you?

(...)

Frankly, he's a much more natural nurturer than I am.

(...)

So I think he'd make a phenomenal stay at home dad.

(...)

So is it like maybe Kyle should be the one doing this or what would the thought be?

Just sadness that he doesn't get the same time that I do with Kieran.

Try saying it as the thought that comes into your mind.

(...)

I'm really bummed Kyle's not here for this time.

(...)

Caitlin's like, "Aw." I'm like, "I can't."

(Laughing)

That's interesting.

(...)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's like maybe your relationship to sadness or stress. Like my way of coping is this is just how it is.

(...)

Oh,(...) totally.

Yeah, which works. I'm not, just to be clear, I'm not criticizing that. That's the survive, like it's the way that people survive.

Yeah,(...) Emily's on the hot seat.

(...)

(Laughing)

This is why I wanted you to stick around. This is a little divergence. No, this is actually really fun.

Yeah.

(...)

So I'm trying to connect this to hearts around our maternal compass. So the idea is that the maternal compass is like the wise mother inside of you that is like you are the mother.

And I'm thinking that if this was a part that's sort of

to it, so near it, like in a similar family, like I was thinking about the last episode and Callie connecting it to inside out, like this is a part in the same family as the maternal compass. I feel like this part would be,

I wanna call her like mom guilt, but not just how you mother your child, but your how you mother in general, like that you and Kyle have decided you're the stay at home parent. And that in some ways that's great. In some ways it's hard, but that like one of the sides of that coin is, oh, Kyle isn't here right now. And I'm sad about that.

(...)

And I wish he was here.

that feel accurate?

(...)

Yeah, I just feel like he's getting the raw into the stick right now.

That's what I wanted to hear. That's much more specific.

(...)

He's getting that bargain. Like when injustice is there for me that I am really having a hard time sitting with because he nurtures everyone around him much more naturally than I do. He genuinely would be a phenomenal stay at home parent.

(...)

And in our almost nine years of marriage, I've always been a strong financial contributor.

(...)

And

made a lot of jokes about me having stronger earning potential than he, but he's not really joking recently. Mm-hmm.

(...)

Which frankly, he's always made a little bit more than me.

Yeah, potential is a dangerous word

could be argued that the answer is yes, but also what is the effect on both of you to view it that way?

Kind of seems like a bind.

Oh, I guess I don't give it that much weight. It's just I brought it up because it's, I think, indicative.

(...)

Of the foundation that we built in our relationship.

(...)

So injustice is usually a word that helps me with a trailhead to parts because injustice is a big theme in parts. Like the right way to do it is this way, the wrong way to do it is this way, or something unjust is happening in your life. So like I'm a part and I'm gonna show up and tell you, like you need to change this right now or else you're doing something wrong.

so that's a, and that could be for listeners too, if the word fairness, good, bad, right, wrong,

better, worse, like those sorts of words come in. Sometimes that's a sign of like, oh, this might be a part. What could this part be?

Could you speak more to

viewing this at times? And I'm gonna add the caveat at times because I'm not trying to say this is how you always think or feel about these things, but we're trying to get to the part. So what feels unjust?

(...)

The part that feels unjust to me

(...)

is that in order to have a reasonable income for a family,

(...)

which you need somebody working full-time

(...)

unless you've built your life creatively in a way to handle a more creative approach.

(...)

So.

(...) I think it's reasonable to say like you mostly, the norm is that mostly one person has to work full-time.

Sure, yeah, that's a great one.

Because there are always exceptions and stuff, but yeah, that is a general norm, correct.

(...)

And even unfortunately in 2025, at least one person has to work full-time. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

sorry. Oh, definitely. Work from records, like if our kids are listening to this in 20 years and one person can work and make a good solid income, I really hope that's the case. But right now, that's tricky.

Anyway. That's a good point, no, that is a good point.

Oh yeah, so at least, yeah. Surrounding the opportunity to try this.

Yeah, that you can be home. I mean, that's huge, a lot of people can't,

yeah.

Oh, of course,

So I guess when I think about the injustice, I think

my choice of work has always followed curiosity in my part.(...) And I've gotten a lot of energy and personal growth and enjoyment out of work. I like working.

(...)

So on the one hand, I think that's a part of me that I would like my kids to see,

(...)

which I'm not as worried about that because I can do that when they go to school.

(...)

But I'm like, okay, I'm missing this part of life that energizes me, that makes me feel productive and like I'm contributing and more like myself.

(...)

And he's doing much more of it than he'd like to be. He's not necessarily, he's always advocated really well for himself. He's always put out a high quality of work. So he's always done very well, but he is not, I think work has been more important for me to enjoy than for him. So to see him needing to do more of what I actually enjoy more than him at different points, it just doesn't add up to me. So that's the injustice a little bit too. Like we're both missing something. Like in my perfect world, I think we would both work part time and just have a really rich family life.

(...)

Transcription Pending

(...)

Transcription Pending

(...)

And I'm thinking if you were both working part time, then the natural nurturer in Kyle could come out more and then the natural energizer in you from working could also show up more. And so like theoretically you would both be happier. You would feel more energized because you would have more work that was energizing you. And Kyle would feel happier because the nurturer in him would be showing up more and he could spend more quality time with your child. Yeah.

So I'm curious if any thoughts are coming to you, Emily, around this being a part and what that part might be. Like if we think of a part as a character,

(...)

can you imagine, is anything coming up for you?

(...)

It's really hard to put it into a character for me, honestly. It's a good exercise. Cause I'm like, oh God, how do I even do that?

(...)

Well, let's start by, oh, go ahead.

I might just have to quash it(...) because I'm like, well,(...) you had a really rough postpartum with Kieran, you had a really rough delivery.

(...)

You're trying to build a family, like you're with your toddler and you're making babies and like you both agreed it's not smart for you to be really getting after a career right now,(...) like pivoting and when we want someone full time

(...)

with the kids. Like if we go down our pro and cons list, which we talked about a lot before I quit, I'm like,

(...)

I do think we're doing the best with what we have right now.

(...)

Tell me about the instinct to quash it because that usually means it's a part.

(...)

I'm sure it's a part. But instinct to quash it is,

(...)

but not right now.

(...)

Like if you give this too much room, it will make you more unhappy because you both decided you can't do it right now.

Oh, and I think,

(...)

I'm thinking if you give it, When it's time for the future.

(...)

Yeah, I'm thinking if you give it more room now, maybe there's some space for you to process the feelings associated with it, even though you can't act upon the wisdom it has because it sounds like the wisdom this part has is,

(...)

Emily, it would be best for you to have some sort of career,

(...)

but that when you hear the voice come up, sometimes that gets translated as, you're doing something wrong because you don't have a career right now. And then there's like distress associated with it. Whereas listening to it and being like, yes, I hear you part, I agree.(...) Me, Kyle, my family were not there yet, but like the feeling I get when you talk about this is sadness and grief and maybe some anger towards injustice. So like sadness and, oh my gosh, the energy I used to get from having more of a career.

(...)

Grief in the part of me that has a career is essentially dead right now, like dormant. And I know it's probably gonna come back, but it's gone, it's gone right now. It is not a part of your daily life.(...) And then

towards like injustice is, wow, it sucks that we live in a world where this is really,(...) Kyle and I have figured it out a ton. This is really the path that needs to be taken. And that is unjust. There are forms of having a family from other cultures, not like in the past, I don't know, a hundred years, but where you could literally have a part-time job right now that you enjoy, that you feel is like a vocation, a calling, a career, like that technically could be possible in some other circumstance. It's not an unreasonable goal.

I also am hearing you talk wondering,

(...)

okay, somebody told me this when I was all in this head space of like, I want to work and I don't want to be, whatever.

A, you can find so much curiosity in being home. And like there are ways to still use your brain in more of a CEO way and be home, which I can't say I've fully embraced, but I believe it.

(...)

Like I've started a little bit and I, I'm one of our guests, Heidi Leverence kind of was talking about that a little bit. Like even if you can find a routine of your day

(...)

and treat it more like a normal work day,

in a sense that can be helpful.(...) But B,(...) I mean, even with this podcast project,

(...)

I mean, you could really say,

(...)

maybe I'm going to have less time with Kyle, but like on Thursday, starting at from 6.30 AM to 8 AM,(...) that's my work time. You bring me coffee, like I'm going to go work on this and actually channel your creativity into that. Like you kind of do have an opportunity

(...)

to do the part time work. You know what I'm saying? So I wonder if like exploring that and acknowledging that you really need that,

(...)

maybe that's like, you just have to have time at night or something that Kyle gives you. Cause I also hear you saying like, he's the one sacrificing all this stuff, but that as Caitlin and I are listening, like I'm guessing she's also hearing you, like you're sacrificing the work that you love to do to take care of Karen.

So that was the trailhead I was trying to get onto. And that's why I mentioned like grief and sadness, cause I'm trying to get more onto how Emily feels about the changes that have happened for her rather than centering Kyle on it. And then also the first part of what you were saying, Callie, I feel like is an example of how it can be powerful to confront these thoughts in these parts, because what I would say like the majority of what you just said is problem solving around it, which is we found a voice, the voice has a want, the want is valid.(...) The answer to it can't be that Emily all of a sudden works part time, but what you were picking up on is, oh, what could feel more like work to Emily? What could feel more like a career? What could feel more energizing? Oh, she's doing this podcast that meets all those needs. So here's a way for her to meet that need even more explicitly so she can feel happier and better about the way her life is right now. And one example is 6.30 to eight is work time. And so it's a way for her to like give that part, like if that part is thirsty, I can give you half a glass of water. I can't give you a full glass, but here's half a glass on Thursday mornings, essentially.(...)

but what I do want to do

because this episode, more of the intention is tapping into the part is to focus on the second part of what you said, Callie, which is like, Emily, how does this hit you emotionally?

(...)

Because I feel like that will help us demonstrate to listeners what tapping, trying to tap into a part looks like.

Sure.

(...)

How is it hitting you?

(...)

Which part?

(...)

How is sacrificing your want to have a career(...) hitting you emotionally?

I don't know. Well, no, it's really funny. Okay, so I'm holding everything that just happened.(...) A lot happened.

(...)

Well, and what's funny is like when you were saying, oh, you do have this podcast, you have this opportunity.

(...)

I've been, I'm like sitting here being like, wow, Emily, never thought you would be in the martyr role, but I think I kind of am right now.

I agree.

Which is not usually my personality at all, because I'm really good at asking for what I want from people, for myself,(...) usually. Like, I was like, yeah.

In a good way, no, in a good way. Like really, I've tried to be more like that.

So I'm gonna pause. Martyr is like an archetype and it is a role that a lot of parts take. So I just want to highlight that for listeners. Martyr, Martyr is a big deal. Yeah. Martyr.

Martyr.

(...)

(Laughing)

No, the reason I think that is because right now I do operate in a lot of scarcity,

(...)

which is also not a place I've been in my adult life, really.

(...)

There's scarcity around finances, which if you actually look at the numbers, we're fine. I'm just used to being twice as fine.

(...)

Yeah.

(...)

So when money was honestly like no issue for us and we had this sweet life,(...) if there was something I wanted, I could absolutely sink finances into getting the resources that I wanted. And I don't want to do that right now because while we're in this kind of trial,

(...)

kind of risk period is what my brain says with being on a single income in a very new role, new industry for Kyle. I'm like, if this isn't okay in six months for him, we need to be okay with our cushion.

(...)

Yeah. So there's scarcity there, which is scarcity for paying for childcare for a little bit every week, for me to do this.(...) There's also scarcity of time and energy because when Kyle is home, all I want to do is make sure that I'm bolstering his success as much as possible. So his career--

Ooh, that hit me a lot emotionally.(...) Wow. Well, if he's doing all of this-- Oh no, it's reasonable.

(...)

The constructive thing to do, he's doing this for us. I need to be doing things for us. So this works for us. Like we need to be on a team, dividing and conquering. So like I pack all his lunches, all of his breakfasts, I make sure he's like fed. This is not a part of our marriage that has ever, ever been a thing before. But like in nighttime, I'm like, I'm trying to make sure we sit down for dinner when we can, trying to make sure we have quality time when we're able to. By the time I go to bed, I'm exhausted and I'm not getting enough sleep, which would be like 12 hours for a pregnant woman, which is not realistic.

(...)

Like eight hours doesn't feel like enough for me.

(...)

So then the thought of like, so I'm always up by like 7.30 getting him out the door because he starts working at eight and it's just like,(...) so I'm already spiraling again. I can hear myself into this scarcity of like, where's the time? There's so much I want to build. There's so much I could be building.

(...)

Where do I get the resources?

(...)

I'm actually hearing that you're building a lot.

Well, I mean,(...) what?

(...)

No, I have nothing.

(Laughing)

(...)

Like Kyle can feed himself. He wasn't, which is what was infuriating to me. He'd come home and be dumb because he had me at lunch. And I'm like, okay, well, we know how to solve this. This is an easy problem.

(...)

Well, but that to me is like your way of building(...) the life that you and Kyle are trying to build right now. You didn't anticipate being that person,

(...)

but I guess an undertone I'm reading, I don't know if this is true for you, is that all of the extra things you've been doing,

(...)

you're upset that you're doing and you feel like it takes you away from your like independent identity, which is like related to your career, but could also just be like, where am I in all of this?

(...)

Could be. I think it's a little empowering because Callie, as you were talking about the CEO mentality of motherhood or stay at home, I've been feeling more settled and more purposeful in the past couple of months. I think because I've been switching into that,

(...)

which is good. It's like, okay, how can I be purposeful or of value(...) in my much smaller than I'm used to sphere? So that actually feels good. I think I'm just needing to maybe redistribute resources or like reallocate time or energy.

(...)

So what feels like what's happening is martyrdom?(...) Can you speak more to that?

(...)

This scarcity piece rather than,

(...)

I feel like there's a lot of inaction on my part.

(...)

Inaction.

What could you be doing more of? Go ahead, Callie.

It just sounds like you're not valuing your role.

Could be.

What are you not doing more of? Yeah.

Inaction from the point of like,

we have a bunch of house projects that we're trying to get done. I'm not necessarily heading those up. Or when I think about this podcast project and ultimately like Callie and I,(...) this is a stepping stone. This is the beginning. Like it's called the real mom hub for a reason. Ultimately there will be a hub full of a lot of other resources that we've built out.

(...)

And I really enjoy problem solving. What I don't have right now is energy or like an extra three hours. By the time I've gotten through the tasks for the podcast project every week that I've identified as needing to be just consistent kind of routine.

(...)

Like where's my time when really what I ought to be doing is problem solving. Say, okay, what's working? What's not? What do we change? What do we make better? How do I make things more efficient?

How do I, How does that relate to martyrdom?

(...)

Because I think really, you can always find a couple more hours, you know?

I'm actually hearing more about you judging yourself as lazy, even though you haven't used that word.

Like martyrdom to me is, Martyrdom to me is what I'm producing.

you're on a happiness with what you were producing, I'm curious what happens if I said that was a character. Can you imagine what that might be?

(...)

Oh, ew, that looks icky.

Tell me what you're seeing. I'm glad you're seeing something. What are you seeing?

(...)

Cali's just cackling over. I'm seeing like an old school Disney cartoon kind of like schlub, like with a beer belly and maybe like some stains on their shirt, kind of just like wandering through life, showing up at work, eating dinner,(...) and not. Shlub. Shlub. Like,(...) dude, if you just did like a little bit more, you were a little bit smarter in X, Y, and Z at any point in your day, you would totally magnify your life. I think you'd have so much more.

(...)

Okay, so then I feel like this-- He's absolutely a man too, sorry. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I feel like this part we're talking about is the part of you that maybe is, could be labeled if we're thinking about the character as I really don't like the word lazy in my work with clients, so I'm trying, I just wanna say that out loud, but this part could be labeled as like the underachiever kind of lazy, like I'm just doing the best I can, even though it's like you don't have to buy a six pack of beer every day, and also you could wake up 10 minutes earlier and take a shower, and like things where it's like,

(...)

I don't know, maybe this character is someone who, if you were watching a movie of him, you would be like, he really gets in his way. Like he is keeping himself from living up to his potential.

100%, oh yeah, nailed it.

(...) Okay, so then what is that part saying to you? Like what is,

(...)

if he had like a thesis, what would it be? What would he be saying to you? And try to use I, try to be the part.

(...)

Oh, I'm the character?

Yeah, right now, yeah, yeah, right now you're the schlub. What is it, schlub?

(...)

No, this is actually a great,

(...)

I know.

(...)

Welcome. This is uncomfy. Yeah, correct.

(...)

What is the schlub saying?

(...)

The schlub, I think like what you just said recently, I think the thing that really hit was the potential. I just realized right now,

(...)

I've never been concerned about my potential.

(...)

Because I've always...

(...)

I'm gonna reframe that as you've never been concerned that you won't reach your potential until now. And so the schlub-- I've never even worried about it that much.

I've always thought like, oh, if you want something, make adjustments in your life, work hard and go get it.

Yeah, and you have done that many times. Like that, there's a track record,(...) correct?

Yeah, it's like worked out for me previously. So Emily-- So I'm in my 30s, and I realized like I made the most irrevocable choice of my life, which is the best thing that's ever happened to me, a child.(...) So now I would say the schlub is saying to me, like, what are you doing? Like, were you intentional today? Like, were you smart today about like how you spent your time?

So I would say that that isn't the schlub, it's a different part responding to it. And I actually picture a career woman CEO with like a pantsuit saying like, "Schlub, have you considered how you've spent "your time today? "Like with an undertone of, you're lazy.

(...)

"You're kind of a loser."

(...) I don't even know, what would the schlub say then?

I feel like the schlub would say,

(...)

"Okay, I'm gonna try to play the schlub, "and I'm gonna talk to like Emily Self, "which is sort of like the motherboard, the like whatever." So the schlub might say something like,

(...)

"I'm just doing the best I can, "and you are being so judgmental. "You don't see all the things I try to do every day. "And I feel like all you see in me, Emily, "is that I'm just lazy, and I'm trying really hard, "and you just don't get it. "And I also don't wanna hear from you. "Like, I'm not here for your judgment,

(...)

"and I'm literally walking away right now, "'cause I don't trust that you give a, "what is the word here, fish?

(...)

"I don't trust that you give a fish about what I have to say. "And so I'm gonna go back to watching TV,

(...)

bye."

(...)

Bye.(...) Yeah, yep, that's probably what the schlub would say.

(...)

Interesting too that the schlub just like totally shut down and disconnected.

Yeah, because you're disgusted with him. Yeah, that's part of the parts work, is if your response is, "This is dirty."

(...)

Then yeah, that part is like, if we try to use an image that people might have more compassion for, it's like a homeless child that hasn't showered in two weeks. Like, that child probably-- That's so sad. I know, that child probably smells just as bad as the schlub, but it's a child.

(...)

And we might look at it differently than the schlub.

(...)

That's true.

(...)

so essentially I worked with Emily on identifying a part in her that is taking up the mic from her internal compass and actually a few different parts came up, which I think was fascinating,

but one that we got the closest to like identifying was the schlub, which is

like the portrait of a beer belly man who doesn't have his life together and he's constantly making excuses and the type of person, the type of character where you look at them and you're like, if you just did this one thing, your whole life would get better. Like you're not willing to just do 10 minutes more of this thing. And so what I would do with Emily and like I actually would encourage you to maybe do the worksheet too,(...) is talking to this voice more.(...) So sometimes we can go into like, what's their name? How old are they? Why are they here? What point are they trying to make? What are they afraid of? And then we can also work on talking to the voice. So I think what we'll do for the next episode is we'll talk to the schlub in Emily, which I think it might also be likely that the CEO like super high achieving woman part also might come up because if you think about like parts fighting, it seems like the CEO pantsuit woman who's at like, I don't know, at 35, she's the CEO and she is like changing the world for the better. And then the schlub is like at 35 and like all I wanna do is sit at home and watch TV and like I'm not gonna do anything differently. So I'm just kind of guessing that other parts might show up but I think facing the fear of essentially what is the schlub?

(...)

What is the schlub in Emily trying to say to her and perhaps what wisdom does he carry as well

(...)

to help him sort of resolve the tension(...) and then ideally we would tap into and this might be like episode four or something but tap into Emily's maternal compass because I feel like my anticipation is that Emily's maternal compass would be able to have a lot of compassion and love for the schlub as well as the CEO part(...) and be able to like almost essentially give the schlub a hug and actually help him.

(...)

But Emily's response, which I would say this is another part of her, Emily's like conscious response in this episode to the schlub, which is really common for parts work is like, gross, I don't wanna talk to him. He's a waste of my time and he just needs to get his crap together. So I can like move on and just, he just needs to stop talking, honestly.

(...)

So yeah, so that also for listeners that can be a sign that you've tapped into a part when you're like, gross, I wanna close the box, like go away.(...) You smell. So yeah, you smell.

(...)

Okay, this one's fun for me.

I'm on a cliffhanger right now.

I know it's such a cliffhanger.

(...)

I know, such a cliffhanger.

I do think it's worth saying,

I'm kind of going back to the part of the conversation about single income households to just say that I agree with Callie that the

(...)

now is at least one full-time working parent, almost always probably two. I don't know the exact statistics, but I just, yeah. I just wanna, yeah, so I just wanna hold space for that because I think Emily and I were talking about a thing that isn't about dismissing the fact that,

(...)

yeah, a two person full-time working household, which is so hard is the norm.

(...)

It does, yeah.

(...)

But this was really fun and I'm really happy to have done it with you in particular, Emily, because I feel like parts work is so foreign to you that it was really fun. I know it was so, it was actually a great challenge to be like, I don't really buy into this. It's like kind of interesting, but like, no, I don't see any character. And then all of a sudden you see the schlub and you're like,

whoa.

(Laughing)

I was like, oh.

That was fun for me too. I'm just staying of like, you want me to what?(...) Fine.

(...)

(Laughing)

Okay, Caitlin, another meeting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do, I do. I do have to go. Bye, Kelly, bye, Emily. See you later.

(...)