Episode 52: "The Schlub on the Bench: Why Your Most Disliked Inner Voice Might Be Your Wisest Teacher"-Maternal Compass Miniseries: Part 3 with Caitlin Ruby Miller, LPC

What if the part of yourself you're most disgusted by is actually trying to protect you?

In this raw and revealing episode, Emily faces her internal "schlub" – that beer-bellied guy on the park bench who represents everything she fears about slowing down. Through this conversation with Caitlin Miller, LPC, we watch Emily's disgust transform into unexpected wisdom about rest, choice, and what it really means to be human.

Main Topics & Discussion

• Why we conflate slowing down with losing ourselves (and how pregnancy amplifies this fear)
• The difference between "succumbing" to exhaustion and choosing to rest
• How to find the kernel of wisdom in your most shameful internal parts
• Why fighting your fear only makes it stronger – and what to do instead

This episode is perfect for you if:

• You're struggling with the identity shift from career woman to stay-at-home mom
• You feel disgusted by your own need to rest
• You're afraid of wasting your potential
• You want to learn how to face your fears instead of running from them

Resources & Next Steps

Download the Worksheet: Practice identifying your own internal voices. FREE resource from Caitlin.

Learn more about Caitlin: [Website/Instagram]

This podcast is educational only and not a substitute for professional mental health care.

Links & Discount Codes:

8Sheep Organics: Click this link for 10% off your purchase!

Kindred Bravely: THEREALMOMHUB15 for 15% off!

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

Like what you hear? Let us know!

• Rate & Review on Apple Podcasts & Spotify – Help others discover the show!
• Join the Conversation – Join us on social (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok), or send us a message at therealmomhub@gmail.com to let us know what you'd like to hear more of.
• Share this epis...

Transcript

So a general takeaway from our last episode is the CEO and the schlub in Emily's internal system are distracting her from the maternal compass, mediating, taking up more space, and making decisions. So in the last episode we tapped into one part and then another part showed up and she was like I don't like this at all.

And the goal of this episode is to face and process the fear of the parts in us that are taking up the mic, taking up space, making it hard to tap into our maternal compass part.(...) So we'll talk about fear and then I'll try to do a demonstration with Emily about like what does this look like and we'll have a worksheet accompanying the episode to help you do the same.

Yay! Welcome to my therapy session everybody.

(...)

I've been wanting to do this since I met you what 12 years ago? How many years ago? I didn't know you did it for

breakfast but I think it was 15 years ago.

15? Oh my gosh. No, just kidding. It was two years ago.

When was college? Yeah, no that was just a couple years ago. It was so funny.

(...)

Oh

So I think maybe starting with the purpose of fear and how it's showing up in modern day society I think going through that could be useful. Are you all up for that

yeah.

Okay. I identify it all the time. Intrusive thoughts, you know, and it's like I'm exaggerating. I'm not terrified all the time. But I would say it's like isn't a leery ethos?

I'm getting more raised to kind of be horrified by people who lived through fear or were rained by fear. Like it's

the antithesis of any goal for a life. You know, if you want to flourish, don't be rained by fear. It's kind of our throw.(...) Yeah, just yeah, work through it. Like fear I think is important in our upbringing. Yeah, Kelly. Are you?

(...)

I feel like fear as in what's fear.(...) What?

(...)

That's actually the real vibe. I'm getting Kelly just like what's fear?

Yeah, no, you just do it. Like you have fear. Okay, get over it. Like figure it out and move on. Well, yeah.

Okay. So we all have different ways of working through and processing the fear. But either way, if you're operating constantly from a place of fear, that's a negative. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like that is right. Are we on the same page there? Like that? Okay. If that feels like a belief. Okay.

Yeah, it is. This is our family belief. Yeah.

(...)

funny. I love it.

Like happy lobby signs. Like instead of whatever stupid signs they are, like, that's all about fear. Like eat, pray, coffee. Yeah. Instead it's like no fear.

(...)

But with like the, what is it called? That aesthetic for me?

(...)

Farmhouse. Yeah. Farmhouse aesthetic fear doesn't exist. That's what it would be. Yeah.

We don't talk about it. We don't, we don't ever look it in the eye. It doesn't exist.

Yeah. And if you buy this for $20, you can come home and add glitter to it and make it your own.

You're so right. That's what everyone does. And it makes it so much worse. Makes you keep it seasonal though. Yeah.

(...)

So what I usually start with, with clients is reminding them of like the purpose of instinctual fear as we were nomadic humans. So fear kept us alive. So the fight or flight response was essentially our body saying you are in enough danger that you have to save yourself, which usually means you focus on the environment so much and you do some sort of action to save yourself. So fighting or running away.

part of the purpose of reminding people of that is that fear is normal. It's instinctual. Like it is not inherently a bad thing and it does serve a purpose. And for 2025 humans, that type of fear still exists and it can still serve the same purpose. The idea would be like you're walking across the street and all of a sudden a car is rushing past you at a hundred miles an hour and you notice it and then you run away. So that's an example of like our fear response is still there. That is fight or flight that actually saves us from dying. However, what we all feel and know is that we're all afraid much more often than feels useful anymore as modern day humans. And so ways to process fear that applies for like all of the

modernity has given us includes using fear as a trailhead, using fear as a thing to get curious about and using fear

a way to figure out what we want. And so I'm going to try to demonstrate that in this episode.

But essentially the more afraid you are of your fear,(...) the more you like run away from it, which I kind of think both Emily and Kelly are talking about with the family sort of narrative of either you push through it, which kind of means like ignore it and do it anyway,(...) or you process it and face it and you just keep going. But like you just need to need to figure this out and still do the thing.

So being less afraid of your fear, which is a thing that I try to practice with clients can be really empowering because if you're less afraid of it, you can become curious of it and you can use it to take action that feels aligned with what you want.

(...)

Transcription Pending

(...)

Transcription Pending

Transcription Pending

Transcription Pending

(...)

So the way to apply facing and processing fear within sort of this version of IFS framework that we're doing with Emily is the parts of us that are afraid, they can take up space. And if we're afraid of the fear of these parts, we can like run away from them, avoid them, or they can like take over and get us to do things that we don't really want to do that is the values aligned. So facing the fear of these parts. So for Emily, the schlub and the CEO, both of these parts strike me as afraid in different ways. It shows up differently for each one of them. We'll try to tap into that, talk about it, face it. And then the prompt that I usually give clients is like, is there a kernel of wisdom and what this part is saying and what they want in the fear of this part of is experiencing? And then how can we use that wisdom to help us move forward? And usually in that process, people also become less afraid of the parts of them that were previously

taking up the mic and sort of taking over as

So with all of that being said, I'm curious about tapping into the schlub and Emily to kind of show listeners what that might look like. I think he is easier to tap into than the CEO. And honestly, the CEO kind of scares me.

So I didn't know the CEO was a thing. I didn't.

That's part of the experience.

I know. Well, and I'm just reviewing going back to the schlub.

That's like the guy in his mid 50s with a beer belly who's like my fear there, if I'm remembering correctly, was just like fear of unused potential or like fear of.

do you think that's the schlubs here? Like, do you think he so part of the part of the framework is like, I don't I think he does.

I don't think we like flesh them out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm from yeah.

(...)

So flesh him out. That sounded just so gross.

I just had beer belly.

Oh, no, I was. Yeah, I agree. I mean, I'm really

Because my reaction when I think you like identified him, like, I was really unclear on how this is going to go. I was like, really, my imagination was like broken before you started asking me questions.

(...)

And then you're just disgusting. I went in. So grossed out. I would. Yeah. Ew. Why would I want to talk to that guy? Like, I have nothing to learn from him. Like, I do we have to talk to him? Like, why can't we just tell him to go away? I think now's the time. I think that's where I still am. So yeah.

(...)

So let's go.

So if you picture the schlub,

(...)

what does he I'm going to throw a bunch of questions at you and see how you respond. You can respond to any or all of them. What does he look like? How does he act? What does he do? What does he say? How does he walk?

(...)

Kind of waddles. I don't know. He's like now that you're making me think about this, he's probably like, like, you know, like old Disney cartoons, like back when they were like hand sketch, just kind of like one of those. He's kind of balding. He's kind of like got some stains on his shirt. I don't really picture him doing anything except sitting on up like a park bench.

(...) Oh, what is he doing on the park bench?(...) Sitting. It's not a part. Oh, this is such a good clue to his wisdom. I'm so excited. That makes me so happy.

Would he be like watching the birds?

No, he's like drunk on the bench. He's in a metro, but like not even an exciting part. The park. It's not a part. He sits. There's like,

Why did you rescind the park image? Oh, that was fast.

(...)

Well, because when I thought about park, I was like, Oh, this is so nice.

Just in the park. I was like, that's not where he's sitting. There's like McDonald's bags in his feet.

(...)

Okay,

(...)

what does he say?

(...)

I don't know if he says anything. Does he say things?

(...)

He's a human. He has to say things, but you don't picture him saying things. I

Try to picture yourself as the schlub, spearbelly, McDonald on the ground. I know you're going to see. But you're going to see a person sitting in a exterior. You don't even have to say things. But you're going to see a person sitting in a exterior. And he's like, Oh, he's sitting there, and he's sitting there. Oh, he's sitting there, beer belly McDonald's on the ground. I know you're gonna hate it.

I love the belly.

(...)

Oh, except your belly has a beautiful angelic.

(...)

People say it looks nice. Strangers comment on how nice my pregnant belly is.

(...)

But actually-- She's a fine case people haven't been following. She's very pregnant.

(...) Yeah, but honestly, Callie, you acquain Emily's pregnant belly to the Schlub's beer belly. Yeah, one second. Give me a second. It's a way of showing compassion to him.

I was just trying to be a shit. I'm gonna be honest.(...) No, she was just roasting me.

Like, come on.

(...) Yeah, that is not how my brain took it. My brain was like, "Oh, that could be a pathway to feeling compassion to the Schlub's."

No, no, no, no, not the hilarious sisters.

Oh, man.

(...)

So if you picture being him on the bench with the McDonald's, like, if I were to go up to the end and say to him, "How are you doing?" What would he say?

(...)

He'd be like, "Fine."

(...)

I don't know. You seem kind of sad. What's going on?

(...)

Oh, you're--

Right now you're role playing. Yep, right now you're him. And I'm-- Why do I seem sad?

(...)

You just seem kind of, like, down and your responses are one word and you're kind of punched over and you seem-- you honestly smell a little like--

(...)

I mean, if someone told the Schlub he was-- it smelled a little like--

Oh, you don't get to say stuff like that. You have to be the Schlub.

Okay, the Schlub's probably, like, drooping and doesn't even know what to say.

(...)

That's interesting. That makes me want to sit next to the Schlub on the bench, kind of like you would like a really sad kid and just sit next to him until he starts to talk.

(...)

Like, he seems very shut down.

(...)

Yeah.

(...)

So if you picture me-- I think I'm

thinking, like, yeah, of course he's shut down. He didn't do anything with his life. Like, he probably didn't-- he's probably not self-aware. He's probably not--

(...)

you know, somebody-- either somebody-- nobody taught him how to do the work and, like, figure out what he wants or how to have more or how to flourish.(...) He never really found any models that he could look up to to help him do that.

(...)

So what would you say he's afraid of? Because that is a much more compassionate description of him.

(...)

Probably everything? Like, if he's not used to trying new things or, like,

(...)

any kind of self-development,(...) that's all probably so alien to him that, like, I don't even know if he'd know he was afraid.

(...)

a really great point. So

might act, like, shut down and sort of down and, like, goes through the same routine over and over again and doesn't make changes, but he's not--

(...)

he never got a chance to do self-development. And so, like,(...) tapping into him more-- there is fear there, but he wouldn't even call it fear. And it's, like, fear of trying anything new, anything different.

Yeah, I mean, now I'm thinking of, like, a few real-life examples, and I guess that's what I think about.

What are the real-life examples

I think about, like, certain individuals that I've come across, either I know them well or have, you know, crossed them in the street, I'm like,

(...)

did you ever know that there could be more? Like, you must not.

(...) I never reached for it.

Well, so that could be a really powerful way to approach the shlub, is, like, how can I help you discover how much more there is to life and how much potential you do have and what experiences you could have that would bring you joy and help you, like, be more active and present in your life.(...) So that, to me, is, like, the opposite of disgust, which was your initial reaction to the shlub. That's very much, like,

(...)

compassion and caring and believing that the shlub could feel better.

(...)

True.

(...)

I guess my question then is, why am I putting that time and energy into the shlub? Like, we're coming back to the beginning, where I'm like, why am I helping shlubs with me do that?

(...)

Yeah,

(...)

you could call it an underdeveloped part of yourself. And so the way I could, like, just map this onto reality potentially is, like, ways in which you consider yourself to be lazy, you respond with anger and disgust instead of, like, compassion, like, what new skills could I learn or how could I be supported to change my behavior in ways that

(...)

are empowering for me instead of just, like, assuming that

I'm not doing what I want,

I just don't care enough.

Okay.

So having a difficulty, like, making the leap between, like, this character of the shlub and the reality of what I am actually, like, saying to myself or how I view myself.

Like, I know he's in the heart.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A thought that I had is like, when I was thinking about our last episode

you sometimes feel

in the way you are taking on the role of,

bomb in the household, and in leaving your career and putting it to the thought that you're going to be like,

(...)

like, outside for, like, an amount of time that

not pleased with.

I think I probably have to dig for lazy but it's probably in there.

(...)

I'm frustrated with myself for not realizing that more.

The potential, realizing the potential.

Yes. Well, and like, I think a big disconnect I know I have is like, I firmly believe in my potential.

(...)

My actions don't always follow that belief. So there's a big gap to what I know could be true and what is currently happening.

with the way the schlub is showing up in your current day, be the moments in your pregnancy where you feel like you're just,

(...)

and this isn't the way I would say but like submitting to the tiredness, submitting to the exhaustion, just like laying down, not doing anything, and then knowing that you could be doing other things to build up your family that you're not.

Transcription Pending

(...)

Transcription Pending

(...)

Yeah, probably. Because when I'm having those really tired moments, it's much easier for me to power through laundry or cleaning the kitchen, like if I'm like, okay, I just take 10-15 minutes to do this thing, it's much easier for me to do a mindless thing than actually use my brain right now, which is what gives me energy.

(...)

Oh,

(...)

so that also reminds me of the schlub in the sense of like, he might be able to go through the motions in life of things so like you could watch him and be like he does some stuff in a day but he never really like thinks or is like present or activates his mind.

(...) Yeah, that's resonating actually, that one's hitting.

(...)

And so, this is me just kind of taking a leap but I feel like

wisdom that could come up when the schlub pops up is maybe I do just need to rest right now, because your impulse is to be like, this is disgusting, the schlub is lazy like I don't want to do this I don't want to like avoid my potential, but then the thing is like, girl, we need to slow down and just sit on a park bench. Like we just need to sit for a moment.

(...)

We need to sit, or I mean, let's take the metaphor, we need to literally wait for the bus the bus hasn't come so why don't we just rest on this bench like you Emily you can't force the bus to come before the bus is going to come.

(...)

I made, you know, five to 10 business days to process this because I still just have a really hard time taking advice from anyone where I

look at them and say yeah I want this piece of your life, like,

(...)

so if you ever want to give Emily advice look alive people.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, like I was like I have a variety of friends.

(...)

And I would go to different people for different. Everyone has different strong suits which compliment weakness. Yeah, and so that's not how you like if someone's speaking to me from their weakness I'm like, Oh, thank you so much for caring about me.

(...)

I'm probably not going to listen to that versus someone who's I'm looking at them living in their strength.(...) They're giving me advice from that place I'm like, Oh, I'm absolutely going to consider that because that's a gift of yours like you're crushing it. Like, what's this is

great.

(...)

That's so helpful and that is a great way to describe how hard it can be to listen to wisdom invoice in parts of you that you're ashamed of or like super disappointed in. And that's part of the grind that we get in is like if we don't translate any of that fear into wisdom. We just sit in that fear of like, am I just the lazy schlub and like why would I tap into him because he's such a loser so like he has nothing good to say because he's just going to keep me being a loser. Like, what does he have to say.

looking at me like that's profound and I'm like, Yeah, that makes sense. And then Kelly looks like she's struggling. So what's happening here?

What's happening with you, Kelly?

Have you guys watched New Girl?

(...)

I can't she's so whiny. She's horrible. I'm sorry. I really thought additional is great but like new girl love her. Anyways, the rest of the characters so funny. So this is the scene where Nick Miller who is like the schlub for a lot of the show goes and sits on this park bench and there's this like mute guy. Do you know what I'm talking about? Have you seen this scene?

(...)

This guy like never talks and Nick keeps going back to this park bench. And he's this like old guy and he just sits there like this the whole time and like days happen where Nick sitting. Nick is like yelling at this guy just like telling him his whole life. And then finally, like one day Nick goes back to the bench and sits next to this guy. And he like figures out what he needs to do. I can't remember if the guy like finally talks or something. But I think he just like stands up and he's like, Yes, that was it. And he gives Nick this huge hug and Nick thinks he's like brilliant and literally he's just been sitting there the whole time. I feel like what you've been describing as a new girl. That's really funny.

(...)

Anyways, as you're going through that,(...) weirdly, I was thinking like,

well, like I do I think the schlubs a waste of space.

(...)

And the answer to that is no, because I don't think any human is a waste of space. I do think there's human dignity, like, does the schlub deserve to vote and have the same rights and protections. Well, in America that yeah, and my answer is yes, like, I as a taxpayer, I'm like, yes, he's human. He has dignity. He ought to be protected. He ought to get a punch in retirement.

(...)

So maybe the lesson is being human is enough.

(...)

Yeah, and part of being human is enough is for all you just have to rest right now or do the dishes when you're pregnant like you aren't in a place to build some sort of intellectual castle that provides for your family forever in your brain right now. Like right now you are pregnant. You're waiting for the bus.

(...)

Yeah,

(...)

always really disliked bus stops.

(...)

I'm going to the club. Yeah,

(...)

I'm curious, like,

(...)

do you actually resonate with like just being human is enough sometimes like if the schlub was a part of my like country, he would deserve rights and protections and affordances, even though his like productivity and the way he shows up for other people is like way below average.

(...)

I do. I think now is we've talked through it. The schlub probably is just really indicative of my struggle right now, of sitting still like a being forced to sit still a little bit biology but be I made this choice.

(...)

Like I have agency, I chose to step away from the workforce for a minute.

(...)

I'm like, Oh, yeah, I guess he's just part of my struggle I don't know that he would have popped up into this session, three years ago, like pre kids.

(...)

I feel like you were so distant from embodying the schlub at all that you didn't have to like confront that type of character like it. You were just like living opposite like that, that it was like, could

I mean it took you a minute to date to find him even now, so who knows if he went he started when he came into existence.

(...) Yeah,

(...)

I feel like a way to sort of sum him up is like your relationship with what society perceives as laziness is the schlub, and that you have not considered yourself lazy very often at all in your life, but that right now, there are ways in which your behavior shows up as

I wouldn't call it like slower, like slower than you'd like to be less productive than you'd like to be. Yeah, yeah. And so then the fear of like laziness comes up when it's, I think, compassionate acceptance of right now is slower you have chosen parts of the slowness part of the slowness is forced upon you and that's okay.

So the CEO, are we okay with switching.

I'm so ready for like 10 minutes.

(...)

Yeah,

(...)

the word for it to me.

I feel like you're kind of mirroring Emily's disgust of the schlub like we're just not here for him.

I think I could actually have a much kinder interaction with the schlub than Callie.

Yeah, yeah. But I honestly think it's important for listeners to hear like working through laziness like I think the boredom is part of it is like, no, you're just supposed to do something like stop talking. You're just supposed to.(...) Duh, it's that easy. Just do something like that. Yeah, it's hard.

okay, so CEO.

(...)

She kind of just popped up into the end. Like we didn't really address her.

(...)

Yeah, the CEO was so my, the reason why I brought up CEO is your disgust towards the schlub was so on compassionate that I'm like, this cannot be the best version of yourself, like, so to be.

(...)

To me, it's true, though, like, and you showed that by saying, if this was like a nation, they would have afford rights like that's not that's not how you so then to me it's like, oh, that's another part responding to the part that came up. And what is that? And so the image that came to my mind was like, a woman CEO, who's like, just totally sacrificed everything to get to her success, and that like, any sense of like laziness or slowness or imperfection is like a threat to her existence. But I'm just curious, like, how do you relate to this does this feel like it could be a part in the sense of like,

feeling like the schlub could be apart. Oh, yeah, no, yeah.

Okay. I just want to ask. So,

when you were identifying the CEO is apart, because I would not have listeners going through the machine. Yeah, a tip off for you was, if I am a listener. I Emily and my full self. Yeah, interacting with one of these people on the street, I would not respond that way.

Yeah, if I Emily was interacting with the schlub on the street,

you would not spit at him and tell him to go get a job, you'd be like, oh, I hope like the government might be able to take care of him to some extent, and you would keep walking and you wouldn't like the way he smelled but you might be like, okay, I wish the best for this guy.

He seems that

if

we talk about the CEO.

(...)

So, what does she look like, how does she act, what does she do what does she say, what, what images are you getting if you're getting any images.

So what's funny to me is I have no problem.

(...)

I know.

(...)

She's kind of like she seems like a friend to me because she's probably like, hey, why don't we.

I don't know what she says like, can you give me a context.

Yeah, I was thinking hey why aren't you here with me already.

(...)

Oh, like what she says to me.

Yeah.

(...)

Oh,(...) I mean that I have an easy answer for because I'm like, I'm in my season man like I am enjoying the season to a good extent. It's not all drowning with the club. Oh yeah, like I have no desire truly to be in that position.

(...)

At this moment, or maybe ever who knows, but she seems useful to me because she's like get your button gear, like let's let's problem solve. Let's. There's got to be a solution here. She seems constructive.

(...)

How does she respond to the slope.

(...)

I'm like hey have you considered looking at your local library they have so many courses, they could actually just really help you with finances or with your job prospects.

(...)

I mean, libraries.

Yeah, I don't know. What is so funny.

(...)

you know, it's interesting because I feel like the CEO responding to the schlub as like, you need to figure out your crap. This is how you figure it out. Go to the library, like do some work, try something. To me it's different than like sitting next to him and trying to ask him where he's at how he's feeling like it. It feels like a

Okay, I see what your problem is. This is how you fix it. Goodbye. So there's like, there's like some kindness to it in the sense of like problem solving but there's not like an emotional form.

(...)

Yeah, I guess when the CEO appeared last episode we were

(...)

still sit like sitting in my disgust for the club.

So that would be my disgust speaking initially.

I'm wondering if like tapping into the disgust initially has helped reduce the amount of disgust you feel towards the schlub and now like tapping into the CEO part is like, yeah, like go to a library, this is the solution to your problem.

(...)

Does that feel accurate like there's less visceral disgust towards the schlub.

Yeah, I think there's less disgust with the schlub.

I think giving him a purpose like

helpful, because now I understand why he exists.(...) Because he was waiting for the bus.

(...)

No, I'm really scared like, oh, like in you.

(...)

Like, why was the schlubs purpose.

(...)

Humanities human

dignity. Okay.

(...)

Emily, would you say the CEO is afraid of

the CEO is afraid of anyone. I mean, I think the CEO

is just action oriented.

(...)

Wasn't the CEO afraid of the schlub was the CEO.(...) I

was thinking that CEO was is afraid of like a type of failure that she can't fix. That was an idea that came to mind, like, if she gave the club like 10 different ideas for you could improve your life in this way and this way and this way and this way and he, none of them worked that then she would feel afraid like if she lost her sense of I can solve problems. So that was a, that was a thought about like what she might be afraid of, which to me is sort of like a loss of control.

I don't know I'm struggling with the CEO, she doesn't feel bad to acknowledging her seems finding good, for whatever reason.

Well now I'm kind of shifting to maybe she is part of the maternal compass. I don't know, maybe like,

does it feel like she's more of like the sort of balanced leadership figure versus the like

part that's sort of the exciting.

Yeah, I would not have identified her as inviting.

think a different way to tell the story then could be that this part you've interacted with a lot during your life for a long time and you have like a good relationship with her, and she's like, she's a good relationship with her, and she mostly helps you like achieve goals and get things done in ways that have been like very useful to you.

That feels right.

maybe the disgust was more about just like I'm tapping into this part and I'm disgusted by this part,

does that feel accurate.

(...)

okay, so the whole point now that we've identified the slobs here, which for some reason seems different than my fear, my fear seems to be untapped potential, like not living in potential and the slobs fear seems to be the fear of trying any kind of change anything new, anything, trying anything. The slob seems to be afraid of trying.

The slob seems to be afraid of flourishing, which is not something that I resonate

with.

Oh, yeah yeah yeah okay so like,

back to fear, like, how is that helpful to alleviate.

(...)

Does that make sense.

Yeah, I think tapping into the slob helped you be more cognizant and have more of a framework about your fear of tapping into your potential of not having into your potential enough.

It's not that the fear of the slob is the fear you consciously have, but like, oh, the I'm so disgusted by the slob as part of like wow I'm really afraid that I'm not going to tap into my full potential as a career woman.

(...)

And that right now my life, like resembles that more than it ever has.

Yeah. Now that we've acknowledged the fear.

(...)

What do I do.

(...)

Is taking up too much.

Because I'm over the disgust.(...) I'm not feeling super disgusted with him. I'm also not super keen to interact with him ever.

(...)

I'm like, why do I have to. So, what do we do now with all the uncovering we just did.

Yeah, I feel like an example would be right now, I need to rest.(...) And that is okay. It is okay for me to rest. It's okay for me to take a break. I'm a pregnant woman. I'm a pregnant woman. And then if it falls into more of the category of like I am choosing to rest but I don't need to rest because of my pregnancy, then it would be more of. I am choosing to rest right now, choosing to rest is okay it's a valid choice. It's a part of me like building this new part of my life, and I can't rush into all of the things I'm trying to build because like the capacity I have right now is to do things that don't involve my brain as much, and that's okay. Like that doesn't that doesn't have to mean anything more than my brain is at low capacity right now my body is at low capacity, and I'm doing the best I can. So like, essentially, when my day to day life resembles anything that reminds me of the schlub, it is okay for this to exist, like, this is just a part of the process of my life. Instead of judging it.

Well I think what's interesting is like you interacting with it when I just heard this, give it choice.

It's like being like, Oh, I'm just tired, therefore, like I'm like I need to rest like I can't, I have no capacity I can't, I can't, I can't.

feels more empowering to say I'm choosing to rest right now and that's okay.

Um,

I feel like it's, I'm choosing to rest right now.

And then it wouldn't be please go away would be like, it's okay for you to be here.

okay.

(...)

So you still have some disgust right.

I do, but I guess what you identified is like,

I've been having these moments of

like I don't have. Like I don't have more to give unless it's super high stakes.

just succumbing versus choosing the choice feels better to

Then just kind of be like, Oh, guess this is how my day is going now.

Yeah,

Transcription Pending

(...)

we heard from Emily Shlub in today's episode and

trying to kind of recap like what did we get from Emily Shlub and what are steps moving forward and how can listeners face and process fear that are coming up in their parts. So I would say

different things about Emily Shlub. So one, I have the impulse as a therapist to interview him more and get more to the bottom of it. I feel like we sort of got like midway through scratching like we definitely went beyond scratching the surface but sort of midway through like what is this part? How is it showing up for Emily? And I feel like there was character development around it like images that came to her, messages that came to her. But sort of the wisdom I'm getting from the Shlub because the premise is every part that we have inside of us has some wisdom attached to it even if we may be like angry or disgusted by it. So I feel like part of the wisdom from the Shlub for Emily is that she might be entering a period of her life where she needs to slow down and that she has conflated slowing down with laziness or with like losing her identity as a career woman and sort of that like CEO part like losing her identity as

like a badass woman who can like make things happen.

And a lot of us, I was thinking from like a cultural standpoint as well as a generational standpoint we've conflated laziness with disgust and that like any ways we can appear lazy is really bad and we should avoid

And so yeah, I feel like the kernel for Emily is like how can she slow down to take care of herself and to have the wisdom of like Emily slowing down or doing less things, particularly less things around career is not conflated with her losing herself or never being a career woman again or like not contributing enough to the household. Like it doesn't have something to do with like her value of herself.

that's to me what we got from the Shlub so far. With that being said, I feel compelled to talk to Emily Shlub more and I think it would be good for listeners to see like diving deeper. And so we're going to do spin off episodes where I'm interviewing Emily Shlub and I think for listeners trying to develop their internal system and tap into their maternal compass it can be helpful to hear those. And then also we're doing a worksheet for this episode that can help you in moments like that if you're either like getting stuck with the part you're trying to tap into or figuring out like what is the trail of wisdom and action that you can do based off of this part.

(...)

So with that being said, we're developing a worksheet for this episode that will help you tap into the part,(...) develop sort of the character development of it and then start talking to the part and then facing the fear of the part and then figuring out what is the wisdom behind this part. And the premise is once we talk to the parts that are taking up the mic, give a better idea of them, have a more working relationship with them, then we can shift into okay what is the maternal compass for Emily, also for me and Callie, like what is our maternal compass developing that identity inside of us starting to tap into her and then the idea is she comes in to help us make decisions as a mom and to strengthen our identity in decision making and being a mother.

(...)