Episode 53: Nesting Gone Wild (Oh, and Emily Had Her Baby!)

SURPRISE! Emily had her baby early (like, everyone was surprised early), so Cally is flying solo with her husband Kevin for this special episode!

With their own third baby on the way and their house literally exploding with plaster dust, Cally and Kevin are diving deep into the wild world of nesting. Spoiler alert: Kevin thought nesting meant cozy blankets and Netflix binges. He was very wrong.

In this hilarious and honest conversation, they're sharing:

• What Kevin actually thought nesting was (you won't believe it)
• Why they bought a house, switched careers, and demolished two closets across three pregnancies
• The time Cally had a meltdown over THREE items on the coffee table
• Kevin's theory that he can appease "the monster" with power tools
• Their current nesting phase featuring plaster EVERYWHERE and clothes strewn across the guest room
• Real talk about what's worked (and what hasn't) to survive nesting without ending up in couples therapy

Big News: The Real Mom Hub is going to every-other-week episodes while Emily and Cally have a couple babies (and hopefully becomes human again).

Whether you're in your nesting phase, married to someone who is, or just want to hear about the chaos that is preparing for a newborn, this episode is for you. Fair warning: you might want to go hug your partner afterward.

Links & Discount Codes:

8Sheep Organics: Click this link for 10% off your purchase!

Kindred Bravely: THEREALMOMHUB15 for 15% off!

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together.

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

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Transcript

Hi everybody, we are coming to you from the O'Ruel studio. The kids are in bed.

Casa de O'Ruel studio. Yep. Thank you very much.

That one. The kids are in bed and Kevin and I are here to do a solo episode for you.

(...)

And there's two of us. Don't be confused.

And fill you in. I guess, yeah, you can count as a guest. Okay. Our guest today is Kevin Ruel.

No, I don't need to be a guest. It's two people talking, so it's not a solo show.

Before we dive into this episode, which is going to be all about nesting.

(...)

Solo means one.

Just some info for you. I might mute Kevin.

Do what it means too.

(...) So here's the news.

A few weeks ago, I texted Emily to

a guest.

And I just asked what her induction date was going to be.(...) And then she literally texted tomorrow, LOL, which was not the plan. So Emily was induced early.

(...)

She's healthy. She's a healthy baby. Everybody's doing really well, but it was...

Emily had a baby and its name is Worm.

Its name is not Worm. So that is what our two year old thinks our baby should be named though. That's real. How about that?

(...)

So that's the news. Our life is a little chaotic. I'm going to have a baby soon. There's just a lot going on. So this is kind of a behind the scenes episode and fill you in. But also we decided in this crazy baby phase, we are going to release episodes every other week.

Seems fair.

Yeah. Just until I literally wrote in my notes, we'll release every other week until we become human again.

(...)

How about that?

So

sorry. It's just what needs to happen right now, but everyone's good and we're excited to still do some.

Last thing, newsletter. I dropped the ball last week. Emily usually sends it out. I didn't send one out. So sorry. Are you kidding me? We'll get on top of that.

I've been waiting an entire week to read it.

And if you have not signed up for the newsletter, you can do so on our show notes. You can do so on the realmomhub.com.

I speak for the people.

Probably other ways to do it too.

I demand a newsletter.

I'm going to be honest. Emily usually does that part too. So I'm figuring that one out as we go.

(...)

All right. That is my housekeeping.

(...) We the people.

We the people. So demand a newsletter. The inspiration for this episode.

Seriously, people. Those newsletters are chalked with some quality content, recs,

to use for

who have had a baby or having a baby or about to have a baby or know somebody who is having a baby or had a baby or will have a baby in the future.

(...)

Oh, that's true. And have you ever read one? I have. Oh, okay.

(...)

So that's the housekeeping today.

We've actually submitted commentary.

We actually, that's true. You did one. We are diving into some real life with covenant and Cali and the rural household.(...) And it's something that I think has created some of the most contention in our marriage.

What do you mean real life?

(...) Kevin's been trying D&D voices. So sorry. So today we're talking about nesting and nesting.(...) Yeah, nesting

just a really big topic for us. I don't know if it is for everybody, but I'm assuming that it's at least confusing for both parties the first time you do it. Sweet nesting. I need you to stop with the D&D voices.

(...)

And then we're going to end with some relationship tips for how we have survived now three phases of nesting. We're in the middle of our third

our third season of nesting, and it's wild around here. That's all I have to say.

For those who are listening, we have not yet survived the third round of nesting. But we did survive too. If you hear this message and you don't know where I am, please call and ask if I'm doing okay.

(...) Okay,

Hold on. Okay, before we dive, I'm going to have to edit that.

I'm probably going to edit out half your voices.

Are you kidding me?

Before we dive in.

I'm talking over the top of you on purpose.

You can't edit out. It's driving me. Batch it. Before we dive into our personal stories, let's talk about where nesting really comes from. Is this an evolutionary thing or did we make it up?

(...)

We didn't make it up. Kevin, did you know that nesting behavior is deeply rooted in biology across the animal kingdom?

(...)

I did.

(...)

Prevalent specifically with birds in our backyard.

(...) As nesters, yep.

Also the bees and the wasps.

Okay, so here's some fascinating animal nesting behaviors. Ready?

(...)

Real quick question. Does a hive count as a nest?

Well, I think maybe they still nest. I don't know.

(...)

Bees are not on my list. All right, ready? Birds. Classic example. They can spend weeks gathering materials, meticulously weaving twigs, grass, and even stealing soft items.

(...)

Some birds will make hundreds of trips to build the perfect nest. Is this ringing true?

Do you know a bald eagle's nest weighs over 150 pounds?

I did know that actually.

All

rabbits.

(...)

They create elaborate burrows and line them with their own fur pulled from their chest and belly.

(...)

I haven't actually...

I'm going to be honest.

(...)

I think I can relate.

To create a soft... That does not happen in the overall house. To create a soft, warm nest just before giving birth.

(...)

This makes me seem far less crazy.(...) Birds and mice become obsessive collectors hoarding food and creating elaborate bedding structures.(...) They'll rearrange their nesting materials constantly until it feels just right.

So far, my initial perception of what nesting is is not too far off.

That's true. Actually, we'll get to that.

(...)

Cats will seek out quiet and closed spaces and may reject their owner's carefully prepared birthing box in favor of a closet or under the bed.

(...)

That's when dogs exhibit denning behavior, scratching and circling to create the perfect spot. Sounds like me every night. Sometimes treading blankets and newspapers.

(...)

Yep. Sounds like Kelly.

Common threads.(...) Most nesting animals experience increased energy bursts despite being physically heavy.

(...)

Obsessive reorganization and perfecting of their space.

(...)

And protection of their nesting area.

(...)

And instinctive behaviors that override logic like a bird adding just one more twig.

(...)

Okay, can you please fill us in?

(...)

We find out we're pregnant and you hear this term nesting thrown around for months.

(...)

Can you fill us in on what you thought nesting was?

(...) Y'all, I was so excited for this nesting phase.

(...)

I don't think I was that far off from expectations.

(...)

Struned about the animal kingdom, taken in by observation. And I'm told, hey, my wife's about to do that. That's going to be pretty cool.

(...)

Keep in mind context, we're 24 years old. All of our friends are traveling the world experiencing these.

Nobody's having babies.

(...) Nobody's having babies. There are zero babies within our community.(...) People are traveling the world taking pictures of exquisite foods, well cooked steaks. Cal and I just graduated college. We're kind of on a tight budget, but we're both teachers.

(...)

There's not a lot of finances to throw around. We just got married. We're trying to get everything lined up, get our lives in order, all that fun stuff.

(...)

A month after we're married, we find out

we're going to

a baby.

(...)

How about it's more realistically three months after? It's like that's when the news hit. Anyway, in my head, I'm thinking I'm not ready for this.

But I was told there's a nesting phase. Now, a little bit about Kevin.

Kevin has some, one could argue ADHD tendencies.

(...)

It's distracted easily and also gets fixated very easily. So truth be told, video games and binging TV shows was a big part of my life and who I was in my apartment with Cal.

(...)

So I got really excited because now all of a sudden Cali, who doesn't do those things, was going to nest,

(...)

which in my mind meant create a comfortable zone on the couch and not want to move a muscle.

Like do what I never do. She's like cozy.

She never stops moving people.(...) It's a problem.(...) You really thought. I thought nesting was like

cocooning and blankets.

Yeah.

Eating pizza.

She's about to do this with me. What? That's incredible. I got so excited. Now first trimester,(...) I didn't really pick up on a whole lot of nesting tendencies. Second trimester with our first,(...) I start noticing Cal is anxiously moving around the house and constantly looking to buy a home. And I'm like, Cal, the couch is right here and it's very comfortable. We had a thing in those years too called couch bed. So it's like you could create your zone where you don't ever have to get up. You sleep, eat and lounge all in one spot.

No, we had our own bed.

Well, yes.

Our second bed in the guest room we used as also the TV room. So we would use that bed in the guest room as our TV watching couch.

I called it couch bed. I thought it was incredible. And I got excited for the idea that maybe this could be the zone. This is the nest. This is where we're going to. And the TV's right there to give us all of our information needs.

And let's know what happened.

Never happened. Instead, we bought a house and as we entered the third trimester,(...) we did not slow down. In fact, we sped up about 3x the speed that we were going before, which was still kind of fast in my argument.

(...)

I was actively trying to exercise every single day to prepare her body for what was coming. And on top of that, we renovated and.

A hundred year old house.

Yeah, yeah. We tackled a lot.

I think I was directing a musical at the time.

You were in some phases of that.

So you were renovating like every hour after school.

Yeah, I would come home after school and renovate from like, call it 330 until 930, 1030 at night.

(...)

Yeah.(...) Yeah. We did that rinse and repeat. And then I was told babies sleep well

And that was also a lie.

We're not talking about that.

(...)

So for Charlie, we bought a house, renovated the house.

And where are we supposed to sit in the nest? The birds sit in their nest.

Yeah. No, that's real. I think once the baby comes.

(...)

That's true. Yeah. So that was quite a shock to Kevin's system. I didn't I will say I didn't expect it to be as extreme of a need to like have the nest ready. Like I went hard. Yeah, you did. Which I didn't. I did not expect that. And then even like, you know, it's a couple weeks before the due date. Our house is as down as it's going to get. I would freak out about like the bathroom being dirty or like what are my early triggers? I'm sure people really plaster.

(...)

That's our current one.

Okay. No, no, no, no, no. This was our first trigger.

(...)

When we were in a bit when we moved into the house that we currently live in, there was probably I don't know, four foot cracks for on each wall within our house. And so my job was to repair said cracks. I don't know what I was doing. This taught by the great Marco Leary, Cal's dad, basically took a knife to our wall, ripped it open in the scene.

Then said fix it.

I said, all right, go for it. So now we have a bigger mess on our hands.

And went and took a nap.

And so I fixed all these holes, but it's not something that it's like, oh yeah, two hours and you're done with the whole house. It took,

(...)

I would say for a whole house for plaster wall repair for a novice who's also working full time.

Yeah.

Give me like two full weeks to get the project start to finish because the stuff has to set. It's got to dry all this stuff. Cal comes in and says, Hey, I'm ready to paint. And I said, great, but half the cracks aren't even filled yet. Like much less, we have to sand it down smooth so that we can't see where we repaired the cracks. And yeah,

(...)

the queen chose otherwise and said, Nope, I'm putting paint on this wall today. And I said, it's not right. Figure it out. Yeah. Figure it out was used a lot in that first phase. So what was triggering plaster plaster was triggering and I'm sure nobody else can relate to that

triggering for you. I was asking about my triggers, but what else were yours during my nesting floors?

(...)

The floors needed to be clean. Okay. A lot more frequently than I thought they would be.

Yeah.

(...) Yep. And then like you said, the bathroom, my floor drove, I just recently learned this word, but my floor drove was not in the last trimester.

I will say you still have a floor drove.

So I do. It does come back.

Yeah. Yeah.

(...)

Okay. So that was Charlie's nesting phase. Did you have anything else to add for yourself? Do you think you nested?

(...)

I tried. I really tried to sit on the couch.

(...)

You were working hard. I do remember I asked frequently before I fully realized what nesting actually was like.

It took months.

I was so frustrated.

This wasn't like a day of like Kevin figuring out what nesting actually was biologically. It was truly like months of just like miscommunication and you didn't understand.

And I was screaming internally. Why are we doing this?

I think you just kept waiting for the day that I would start nesting the way you thought.

Why are we not bench watching the show together?

(...)

Why? Why?

(...)

Eventually I think it came up where we had a pretty decent fight about it. And then I realized that the core root of the problem was a miscommunication on expectations.

Yeah. So nesting does not mean cocooning and watching TV unless it does. If that's you, let us know.

(...)

Kevin, will be thrilled.

Call me. I'll join you. I'll ask you to adopt me for a couple of months.

Okay. So then Nora,

(...)

what was our, I somehow I blocked out the space of nesting.

(...)

Like what did we do?

I switched jobs.

Oh, that's right. I decided we needed more finances in our nest.

Yeah.

(...)

So we were both choir teachers and we were struggling to stay above water with like a relationship just like holistically in life.

Yeah. Work was good. And then family life was not good.

Yeah.

I mean, it was just really hard to balance.

But it was, Cal knew that she wanted to be home more and that was a constant pain point for us. And then when we got pregnant with our second child, Nora, who has now decided to name the third child worm, if that lets you into her mind at all,

I think we both knew like this is the moment that we're going to pull the trigger on. Cal's going to step back from working so much so that she can be present at home with the kids more,(...) which is what she was pulled to all along from Charlie. And that was a giant, just mental struggle for

two years. Two and a half years.

so then we just kind of took a step back and we're like, well, here's the thing, like we could potentially make this work.

certain things lined up with my job and potentially Cal coming on board over at that zone and then that didn't work out. So then it was like this hard flip of like, boom, you know what we're going to do? We're going to change careers. Cal's going to become a stay at home mom, which by no means is an easy job.

So that's not what happened.

Well, no, you became a church liturgist and you worked hard time at school.

(...)

I think she took on three jobs. She quit her one job and took on three jobs. But I was home. And then I completely pivoted into the finance world, working in back end operations and there's this whole learning curve of just kind of jumping into the deep water without knowing what the heck we were doing and feeling like, you know what, at the end of this, we're probably going to be in a better spot than we were if we would have just stayed down as well. So in a way that I think was a little bit of a nest. We also, I think repainted our upstairs.

Yeah I'm sure that happened. That's true.

And then I

never thought about the job switch as being a nesting thing.

I think it was

comfort.

(...)

More security maybe.

(...) I think it was more of a comfort thing that we were trying to try to go for.

I think we, I disagree. I think we were trying to build the life that we want. I think we were trying to build a more secure nest.

(...)

Right. Is that not comfort?

No.

(...)

Okay. Agree to disagree.

(...)

That's not what this is about either.

Here's the issue people who are listening to this, you listeners.

I looked up Webster's definition of nesting before coming on the show because I was told that nesting was the topic.

And what did you learn?

Webster's dictionary defines nesting as grabbing items and things to seek comfort and build a stronger structure.

(...)

That is nesting.

(...) And I, okay. Yeah, stronger.

Like Mary may not have referenced a bird in that.

(...) Okay wait.(...) Nesting during pregnancy.

(...) No, just like up Miriam Webster's dictionary definition of nesting.

Okay, AI size.

Sticks, twigs, and mud to create a more comfortable space.

Yeah, but like comfortable and structural. So maybe, okay. So maybe we're all there.

I'm saving on the word comfort. You did. Look, if we're trying to survive on just one teacher salary in today's modern age, no dyes people,

Transcription Pending

Transcription Pending

(...)

Okay, so let's talk this pregnancy.

(...)

How are we feeling about nesting?

(...)

I don't know, Cal. How are we feeling about nesting right now? I feel great.

(...)

So here's what happened.

(...)

I got the itch to move again.

Can I tell my story?

Sure.

(...)

I'm not sorry. I butted in too soon. You wanted to move and then what happened?

Yeah, so I wanted to move. You also wanted to move, but I was the one like pushing for it because like we have a baby coming.(...) Our house is not like the optimal size for comfort for three children plus people that visit and a home office. I mean, it's added.

We have many a blessings. We do. Cal wanted more.

I was just nesting. Okay, so we're on this big house hunt. It's a crazy time to buy a home.(...) Finally we decide we're going to wait on the house hunt. Let's have a baby settle in a little bit and then try it again and hope that things are less crazy.

(...)

So now we have to get creative about how to use our space in our current home, which I do love to fit everybody's needs.

(...)

having to redo our space. Here I am. Expensive taste. We're redoing our space to fit our needs the best way that we can, which I'm so thankful that my husband can do these things for me.

(...)

Anybody can do these things. You just have to watch YouTube and tell yourself, I can do it better than that. Or why would I pay somebody to do that if I can try to do it myself and screw it up?

So the first thing that happens is I say, OK, I've invested in every other room of this house except for our bedroom. And I really were planning on a home birth. I want this like peaceful place just for life, but also for the birth. And, you know, so I have a vision for our bedroom. I will say there was a bit of a kerfuffle when I asked for a wainscoting and you said no.

(...)

And so I let it go. And then you just happened to stumble upon your favorite woodworker on YouTube,(...) putting the same thing up in his house. And then you decided it was a good idea.

It looked pretty cool when he did that.

So I said, you know what, Kel?

He was the

cell. She said she said we're going to do this. And I gave it two weeks. And I was like, no, we're not doing that. And then I came across that video and then I presented it to Callie. Like it was my idea. I just don't think our bedroom has wainscoting.

Yeah, you didn't know what I was talking about and didn't care to find out. OK, so our bedroom looks beautiful. I will say there was a bit of a moment also when I needed our bedroom done so that we could sleep in it. And it had been a few days and Kevin wants to go on a pontoon all day with friends. And we did do it. And then we got the bedroom done. It was like a little tense.

And we got some pretty awesome barbecue.

There's some aerial strife there for a little bit. But like all in all, nesting was going really well. Then we decided we're going to turn our walk in closet because it has this big window. We live in this old house with amazing closets.

It's like a six by six room.

We're going to turn this closet into the nursery so that our third bedroom can stay in office guest bedroom space.

(...)

And then Kevin looks at it and decides it needs entire plaster repair.(...) Oh, yeah.

Like all of it. I mean, do you want to do a ceiling falling down on your baby? I didn't think so.

But the other issue is that we also needed to put our clothes that were in this closet into a different closet. So we had to also fix that closet to be worthy of clothes, not just like suit cases, which also required plaster repair.(...) So I was thinking we'd probably fix that closet, then move all of our clothes into that closet

(...)

and then tackle the nursery space.

(...)

Is that what happened?(...) No. What happened?

(...)

I advocated that we start the nursery first

(...)

and then do the closet because the nursery is the bigger room. Therefore, if you get the bigger project on first, you have so much more momentum going into the smaller project.

So what did happen?

And I thought we could put all of our clothes in our current closet on the guest bed.

(...)

While we were working on the nursery closet.

(...)

Pre move into the hallway closet. Now, what happened was Cal invited

friend over, which consequently invited my friend over because they're married.(...) And he helped me clear out both closets at the same time and fill a bunch of stuff into our hallway outside of both bedrooms. And before Cal could tell us no, I started making a bunch of dust happen by breaking all the walls,

demoing both rooms.

And I had my friends help and it went pretty fast. And we watched the kids and we watched the kids. And we watched the kids at the same time.

No, you didn't. They were upstairs for like five minutes.

They were upstairs for a whole night.

No, no, that's just not true.

I'm pretty sure that's.

So not only are both closets demoed and all of the contents of both closets are strewn about the guest room, plaster is incredibly dusty and messy.

That part I did not see coming.

So there's plaster everywhere.

And for the record, the first time that we did all of our plaster repair was prior to actually moving into our house. And we knew that we were redoing all of our floors in our house. So like the dust was just not something I was looking out for or cared about because I knew we're going to destroy these floors and then we're going to get really nice floors.

This time around, we've had all of our hardwood floors finished and I had just bought beautiful new curtains for our bedroom and a nice new rug. Like I actually bought new things, which I never do, for a beautiful bedroom that had turned into a sanctuary that was covered in plaster dust. And we can't get to any of our clothes.

(...)

And there's plaster everywhere. It's like getting tracked in the house. And then the next night, Kevin looks at me.(...) He's not even trying to be funny. He goes, Cal,

(...)

there's plaster dust everywhere.(...) And I about lost my mind.

(...)

Yeah.

(...)

No, I also will point out to.

I texted Cal's family group chat

(...)

as a joke that Cal was over the project, probably two hours, three hours, maybe four hours after I started the project, was like, ha ha, just kidding. And then we went to bed and the next morning she woke up and she was over the project.

No, that's real.

She expected it to be done.

That's correct.

It was very, very short timeline.

Yeah. So this current nesting phase has been intense and we're still in the middle of it. But I am proud of how far we've come because the last two pregnancies I was like sobbing because the bathroom was dirty.

Yeah.

And our upstairs is literally exploded. I took some footage. I'll post it somewhere. Maybe I'll put in the newsletter.

(...)

Yeah, look in the newsletter for that footage.

OK, that's what I need to do. Again, people, Emily usually takes care of the newsletter. I'm on it. If you want to see my exploded house,

(...)

check out the newsletter and what if I figure out our Instagram accounts, I'll put it on that, too.

(...)

Yeah. And what plaster repair looks like.

And home run out. Hashtag.

I don't think I've barely cried. I cried one time.

(...) Yeah, so it was not even a meltdown. People, we have two and a half months left. No, no. One and a half months left. Truth, truth. Anything can happen.

So that's our current nesting and it's not done. But here we are. So what have we learned about our nesting phases?

What have we learned?(...) I've learned that we're always going to have a big project to do during nesting. So I like we bought a house.

(...)

I switched jobs.

(...)

We renovated.

(...)

Two closets, which I know verbally does not sound like a lot in our bedroom, but that's like our that's our space with our stuff like our.

And when it's plaster, it's just a different independent stuff. Yeah. I honestly feel like(...) it just makes us get fish done as we say in this podcast. Yeah, it is not pretty, but it is highly productive.

Yeah.

And I think we've I mean, I can't we're not through this current phase, but at least with the first two, we're truly better for having gone through it.

I feel like our next phase, baby number four

(...)

is going to be remodeling our basement.

(...)

It's currently completely unfinished. That's a giant project.

We're not still going to live here.

Best time to do that is when you have three kids and a fourth on the way.

I have not said we're having a fourth. First of all, second of all, if we do have a fourth, it is not going to be in this house.

(...)

That's what I'm saying.

(...)

OK, here's what I've learned. Here's my tips for relationship management. And then I would like to hear Kevin's side of it during this nesting phase. I don't know if it's this intense for everybody, but it's been intense for us for all of the pregnancies.

(...)

I need to like truly express my feelings

(...)

and what I actually need done.

(...)

And you might think I'm crazy, but now you just do them. And it was really helpful once you figured out that like.

(...)

I mean, OK, big renovation, that's not something you should just like do without thinking about it, but things like vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom,(...) you can easily just do that. And it literally saves me an entire like two hours of sobbing at night.

(...)

So I think I've learned that I just really need to ask for it. And if it's crazy, it's crazy. But if it's what I need during this phase of nesting, it's just what I need.

I

you forget.

to be perfectly fair and frank, I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I've just looked you in the eye and said, like, no, I'm not doing that right now.

(...)

As it relates to nesting, I think I'm pretty good about responding and saying, you are now.

Let's do it with Charlie. You were so confused. You would just fight me on it. You'd be like, yeah, I would still do it. It doesn't make any you did it like after I like had a meltdown.

(...)

I took a meltdown to do it. And now if I'm saying you're like, yeah, I'm going to do it.

Stairs and say, I can't sleep because our house is in disarray. There's a freaking magazine. And they're like, you're saying, hey, we just picked up two. And for the record, I'm not crazy for the people that are listening because Kelly's younger sister witnessed one of these episodes.

Maybe we should have called Naomi in for the nesting episode.

You could always record it later. And give us two cents because there was genuinely a moment where Naomi and I looked at each other while Cal is like storming up the stairs,(...) just completely losing our mind, as in just really frustrated and upset. And we like look at each other like.

(...)

What can we actually do in this moment? Because she just got mad about our house being in shambles and that we need to pick things up. And Naomi and I were able to count less than five items that were out of place.

Which like that's not ever going to be the case with us now. That was our first child. So like now our house is never going to be that tidy all the time. But yes, in that moment, it's possible it was crazy. Yeah. So what are your tips for? What are your tips for relationship management during this nesting phase?

Encouraged blankets.

(...) That's not real. And what are your real? How do you like see this nesting phase? And how do you not think I'm this crazy monster during the whole thing?

Because sometimes I truly feel like it, like even though it needs to happen for me to like survive, I know it's crazy.

I think maybe both people can just simply acknowledge that there's maybe a little bit of monster activity going on. And you're like, yeah, it's like

sometimes you just got to appease the monster.

A little parasite worm will pop out in a couple of months and my wife will be back to normal. But a boom, but normal.

(...) Yeah. Postpartum cuts.

No, but that's what you can think to yourself while you're getting ready for it.

OK, so you don't have any like the solution is just.

Look, I'm kind of a pushover. Someone says, hey, this has to get done.

(...)

I'm going to be honest, I do it.

(...)

Again, I think I can only count on one hand, but you don't get your entire marital relationship when I've looked at you and said, no, that's not what I'm going to do right now.

No, we have been many times early on, but I need.(...) Here's what I'm. Let me rephrase my question.

(...)

When I'm nesting and I ask for something that you think is unreasonable, how do you have a good attitude about it now?

(...)

I get to go buy a power tool. Oh, that's true.

(...)

That is true. Or I get to use power tools.

(...)

That's like that's like my calming noises.

(...)

So as long as it's a home run out, that's OK.

(...)

Yeah, when I'm told to clean the bathroom, that's always not too fun. But I do.

(...)

Back to the first comment, I do watch TV while I clean. So that's true.

You know what? Whatever works, whatever works. OK, we're going to wrap this up with a lightning round. Do you have any other thoughts on nesting or things that, you know, the world needs to know about nesting?

(...)

Yeah, I just think it's kind of funny that I completely miss the ball like opposite end of the spectrum on my first journey into nesting.

(...)

Makes sense. Nesting makes sense in my mind.(...) And at the end of the day.

My body is not the body growing and pushing out a worm. And so.

So I'm sorry, baby, number three.

In doing so or like understanding that that aspect and understanding that aspect, I believe.

(...)

There needs to be a lot of grace given to the nester, i.e. baby mama, i.e. worm's host.

(...)

Sexiest thing you've ever said.

All right.

Number one, what is the strangest thing you came home to find? To find Kali cleaning or organizing.

(...)

Strangest thing?

not allowed to have weird things in our house.

(...)

Well, but like if I was cleaning something weird that you were like, how does this relate to the baby?(...) It's cleaning or organizing.

I'm going to be honest, I feel pretty weird about the fact that you have to clean the bathroom for the sake of the baby.

(...)

Like I know the bathroom needs to get cleaned.

Just in general. Just for the common good. The bathroom should be cleaned regularly.

(...)

I also concur with that.

(...)

On a scale of one to ten, how prepared did you think you were before baby number one arrived?

No, weirdest thing that I walked home to was, I think,

(...)

a swatch of paint samples.

(...)

It's a common occurrence. Yeah, but we didn't discuss it. Like, there's got to be something where I walked in the door and

(...)

people, these projects move at the speed of lightning.

They do.

Our family members are like, wait, you did what now?

We've painted every room in this house.

Multiple times.

(...)

And on a scale of one to ten, how prepared did you think you were before baby number one arrived?

(...)

Um.

(...)

I thought I was on a scale of one to 43.(...) I'd pegged myself at a 43 being perfectly prepared.

(...)

Thirty six.

(...) Forty three is perfectly prepared.

Yeah, out of one to forty three.

It was not a scale like you

said.

One to ten.

(...)

How did you come up?(...) I'm sorry. We're deteriorating.(...) It's nine p.m. over here.

It's my bedtime.

All right.(...) Which pregnancy had the most intense nesting and what's one specific example?

(...) The first one we bought. Yeah, I know that's real. The entire house.

OK, what was your worst? I don't understand why this matters moment during nesting.

The freaking coffee table.

(...)

Why did the coffee table have to be cleaned every single night? People, I've gotten over that. No, you're calling me crazy when I say that. I can hear it through the computer four weeks from now. But no, listen, she would get into bed.

(...)

Everything would seemingly be fine.(...) We roll over, say goodnight, say we love each other. Like do the whole nighttime ritual thing. I roll over. I have a weird ability to be able to fall asleep in a matter of a few seconds after my eyes shut. All of a sudden, I'd wake up to Cal like losing it because there were three items left on the coffee table. It's crazy.

That is true. That that did happen. OK, if you could give expect, but that doesn't happen anymore.

Doesn't happen anymore.

The maids are mad.

Because of Nora, who has, I remind you again, named our next baby.

(...) If you could.

She's a wild child, people. She won't stop bouncing.

If you could give expectant dads one piece of advice about the nesting phase, what would it be?

(...)

Nesting includes.

(...)

Helping.

(...)

Your partner's body relax.

(...) Mm hmm.

(...) We're talking foot rubs, hand rubs, back rubs, shoulder rubs. No, I think those are good. After

the nesting has taken part,

I thought that was nest. No, you still don't know. Blankets, people, where you climb into a circle of blankets, very cozy. And you watch a movie together.

(...)

Here's a question we always ask our guests. Do you know what it is? No. What's our closer? I

also think it's good on Sundays.

All right, ready?

Hold on. Hold on. Let's go back to that other question because I don't want to miss my chance. I just was thinking, OK, if a dad's going to look stuff up, AI, powerful tool, it can spit out a list of five things to look out for.(...) Great.(...) I bet it's not ever going to say, "Oh, I'm going to be a kid." I'm going to say, "Oh, I'm going to be a kid." I bet it's not ever going to say,

(...)

"Give your partner a back rub," to help them relax. Because nesting takes a lot of work and it's a lot of effort. And there's going to be times when your wife or partner,

is trying to do the things that they're not supposed to do in that moment. The amount of times I have to tell Cal to just go sit down, stop fighting through it. I know you're uncomfortable. You've got this giant bowling ball on your front side that's causing a bunch of weird pain and damage. Just frickin' just fish and go sit on the couch and I will take care of it. You just need to verbally tell me what you need done.

Yeah, that's what we've learned. All right, what makes you feel beautiful?

parties.

(...) I believe it.(...) You're a good dancer.(...)

Just think of us the next time you start a house project and know that you're not alone.

(...)

Also if you have any great nesting stories, feel free to send them our way.

To all the pregnant people out there, just know every house project,

(...)

every single one,

(...)

whether you're involved in it or not, will take twice the time that you think it's going to take and then multiply that number by 1.7. That is realistically how long your house project should take you to do it correctly.

Here it is. I'll try to put that equation in the show notes. Hey, thanks for being here.

(...)

Thanks for having me.

I love you.

Love you too.

(...)