Episode 57: When You Burn the Blueprint and Trust Yourself: Maternal Compass Miniseries: Part 5 with Caitlin Ruby Miller, LPC

If you’ve ever wished you could quiet the noise, trust yourself more deeply, or make motherhood decisions from a place of power… this episode is going to shift something in you. In the final installment of our Maternal Compass series, we go somewhere we’ve never gone before: we show you what it actually feels like to let your own inner wisdom lead — not in theory, but in real time. And what comes through for each of us is surprising, emotional, sometimes hilarious, and wildly clarifying. 

This is not a conversation about being more disciplined, more spiritual, or more perfect. It’s a conversation about discovering what guidance has been there all along… waiting for you to get quiet enough to hear it.

Main Topics & Discussion

What Happens When You Actually Tap Into Your Maternal Compass

Each of us brings a real dilemma and lets the Maternal Compass speak. For some, it shows up as wise, ancestral love. For others, as blunt clarity. For others still, as grounding reassurance that cuts through fear. We all have this inner resource — and it can be accessed without overthinking, performing, or forcing. 

Unburying Intuition in Real Time

We work through real pressures that drown out a mother’s instincts: fear of being “crazy,” medical gaslighting, mom guilt, perfectionism, and the belief that you need a detailed plan before you can move. As we work through real scenarios, you’ll hear how inner wisdom cuts through noise and reveals the actual next right step. 

The Smallest, Lowest-Lift Can Change Your Life

We practice moving from insight to action using the single most important question moms should be asking: What is the lowest-energy step I can take? 

Resources & Next Steps

Download the Worksheet: Practice identifying your own internal voices. FREE resource from Caitlin.

Learn more about Caitlin: [Website/Instagram]

This podcast is educational only and not a substitute for professional mental health care.

Links & Discount Codes:

8Sheep Organics: Click this link for 10% off your purchase!

Kindred Bravely: THEREALMOMHUB15 for 15% off!

Host & Show Info

Hosted by: Cally & Emily O’Leary

About the Hosts: We’re real moms and real sisters. We may look and sound alike, but our motherhood journeys are uniquely ours. We all do Motherhood differently, and thank goodness for that. Let’s learn and grow together. 

Podcast Website: https://therealmomhub.com/

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Transcript

Okay. We are back. I'm a little, I'm a little bumped. This is the last episode of our mini series.

It's been a fun ride.

It's been such(...) fun.

(...)

I'm going to be talking about building a life that makes it possible to let your inner wisdom or your maternal compass take the front seat so that you are driving. You're in the driver's seat intentionally. You are happening to your own life from a place of empowerment from like the core of who you are and this deep seated knowledge that it's really difficult to access from us.

(...)

So, um,

if you haven't, make sure that you start at the beginning. There are four episodes prior to this one and each one is super valuable and we structured this very intentionally. There is a process. Caitlin went to a lot of schooling to share these kinds of processes with us. It's very intentional. Start at the beginning and, um, yeah, let's get going. Let's wrap her up. Sad as it is.

And just a quick note of the structure.

you're hearing this come, this concept and you're thinking, Oh, this could probably help me, but it seems really far away from like my day to day life. We structured them to try to essentially teach you what this is, help you tap into your own parts, like develop your own maternal compass. And so we tried to make it essentially as accessible as possible. And that was like me developing the worksheets as well as like, how can this be as accessible and possible for women everywhere to tap into this?

(...)

Yeah. Yeah.(...) Yeah. But that's so important. I don't want to lose anyone. If anyone's interested, like I want them to get something out of it. And I feel like we're making that happen, which is beautiful.

have to tell our listeners to all the worksheets as I've been looking over them.

(...)

Each one could be its own kind of themed journal.

(...)

So Caitlin is really concentrating a lot of her processes.

(...)

This is what she, this is a lot of work she does with her clients. So the fact that this is a free resource is pretty wild. So we're really grateful that you're sharing. Yeah. Thanks Caitlin.

Yeah.

Okay, what kind of torture do you have in store for me today? Are we going to go back to the schlub? What's happening?

(...) The torture that you love so deeply. Yeah.

(...)

So what I was thinking for listeners is the hardest jump we made in the last episode is going from developing your maternal compass to how do we access her? Like what are tools we can use to access her? So I thought there's a gift of how different Emily and Kelly and I are and like the way we talk and relate to the world. So I thought let's show listeners for each of us what that would look like. And so some of the really cool things I loved the last episode is I asked Emily and Kelly as well as, you know, prompted myself where in my body is the maternal compass. And so for Emily, she shared it was in her gut for Kelly, she was talking about her lungs. And then for me, I was talking about my heart and my feet. So what I thought about for listeners is let's each tap into our maternal compass through a body based mindfulness exercise, which is a tangible tool to let's talk about a dilemma that all of us have in our motherhood journey. So Emily and Kelly are obviously both already moms and becoming, you know, developing. And then for me, I'm not a mom yet, but hoping to be one at some point. So for listeners who are kind of at that stage, or maybe they're pregnant, but haven't had the baby yet, like, for me to give an example of that. And then we're just doing it in the moment, we don't know what's going to come out, we don't know what any of us are going to say, but like, what would we say? And so this is as close as I can get to like showing listeners what it would be like to do it on their own.

(...)

So who would like to start? I'm happy to be the one to start if either of you don't want.

Yeah, let's put Caitlin in the hat seat.(...) Okay.

So as someone who very much wants to be a mom, but I'm not sure when it's going to happen, I thought like, what is a dilemma that happens, like, in the present moment about me becoming a mom, and obviously it's all hypothetical.(...) And so for me, I went through, I would say a three year period of having like awful health, like the type of health where I would have said at the time, I will never have a child with my own body, I will never try to get pregnant that I would probably say I'd love to like foster or adopt. But at that point, like the level of pain and discomfort I was in in my body, I think that part of me was very much like, I can't handle barely anything, let alone pregnancy. Now I'm at a time in my life when I'm much healthier, and I have like more kind of normal health fluctuations, but I still have that fear of like, can my body handle it? So

The dilemma is I'm thinking, which does happen like, oh my god, could my body ever handle a pregnancy if it can't even like, yesterday morning, I woke up in full body pain, and I was like, what is happening? This is so scary. And I'm not, I'm not even pregnant yet.

(...)

So I'm gonna like take myself back to that moment. And ideally, for listeners, this is like happening in the present moment, but I'm trying to give an example of something that was like, you know, 24 hours ago.(...) I'm gonna put my hand on my heart. And then I'm gonna take a deep breath. And I'm gonna for me, I'm a very visual person. So I'm gonna imagine that like, old wise woman at the edge of the woods who has like wrinkles that are like the crevices of the rivers or whatever, I don't know, I'm just artsy fartsy. And, and like, what would she say to me in this moment, so I'm gonna take a moment and like, do the physical thing and then I'll let everybody know.

(...)

So I'm picturing like energy kind of entering my heart and coming out of it in like a free flow, which is the thing I talked about on the last episode of like my maternal compass is in my heart when I feel like balanced and like there's energy radiating from it.

(...)

And then what would she say to me?

(...)

She would I'm gonna speak as her which this might not come up for every listener.(...) But I think she would say to me, I'm gonna close my eyes so I can picture her.

(...)

Honey, everything is gonna be fine. You will figure it out. You are so resilient. Your ancestors are so resilient. Your body is clearly resilient. Like you went through this time where you were in so much pain all the time. But now you're where you are, you're stronger, your muscles like are activated, you're figuring it out, you have overcome things that many people haven't. And so I want to validate in you Caitlin that you feel so deeply called to be a mother and that that calling matters so much more than like in the moment physical pain that might be happening. And I'm not I'm not discounting that your pregnancy will definitely include pain, it will include ups and downs, it will include like problem solving, you'll be scared like and I'll be here with you. But also that your deeper like soul calling of becoming a mother totally eclipses any fear you have about the process of pregnancy.(...) And that I am here to guide you as well as your mother and the wonderful women you have in your life who have been mothers, Emily and Callie as examples like you are not alone.

(...)

And although I cannot predict what managing your physical health when you're pregnant is going to look like, I know that in those moments, I and the community will be with you and you will be able to persevere and you will have a healthy child.

(...)

That's what I got.

(...)

I know. Yeah.

(...)

Yeah.

And I'll just go ahead. Oh, I'm just over here thinking like if you had so much pain already, like pregnancy is gonna be fine.

(...) Yeah, but that's an example of like, you are not my maternal compass. Like my maternal compass is obviously more like formal and like, whoa, but like, that's a great example of like, you're echoing what she's saying, which I think a part of what she said was like, girl, you are so resilient from what already happened. Like, I'm not trying to minimize that pregnancy will suck in some ways, but also like, look at all the tools you already have to deal with it. And I feel like that's what you were sharing. Like you've already done this in many ways. Like, now there'll be a point.

That's great.

And I'll just say like physically, I feel a lot less tension in my chest after doing that. And I feel like much calmer. So there's also that for listeners, like,(...) notice the effect on your body after you tap into inner wisdom.

(...)

So anything either of you'd like to say about that before we go into my prompt that I developed for each of you?

(...)

I'm curious what(...) so your those kind of stream of consciousness for you, you have a very verbose maternal compass.

(...)

I have a very verbose almost everything.(...) Yeah. Mine is a couple, a couple of my parts are like, I don't want to talk ever. Don't talk to me. But the maternal compass is like, I'm here for it.

(...)

So I'm wondering, though,

(...)

if she was always that way for you, if she was always easy, or if you've had to develop this conversational style with that piece of yourself.

Well, part of it is I do a lot of parts work with clients. And so and also like archetypal role play on my podcast with my colleague Olivia. And so we tap into like different collective conscious archetypes. And so like, I think because I've practiced doing that with myself and with clients, that it comes a lot more easily to tap into a part like I'm seldom nervous that it like sounds weird or is too woo woo or whatever. But also doing this series developing the worksheets, it has really helped me tap into like my maternal compass, even just the name maternal compass that like we developed.

(...)

I also am recently reading a book called haggitude that talks about like the second half of life and actually women transitioning from no longer being a mom to being like something else. And she talked about wise women archetypes. And so I felt like inspired by that. So I guess,

(...)

for me, I feel like this series has really helped me almost like character build the compass. And so then it's way easier to tap into because I can like picture what she looks like I have a backstory for her, I have a place in my body for her. I have ancestors, I imagine. So I guess, to me, whether a person is like naturally verbose or not, I think the more character development they have around their maternal compass, the easier it is to at least get like one sentence out of her. Sure. Yeah, that makes sense. This haggitude books looks beautiful.(...)

All right, I only want to rock, paper, scissors.

(...)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, ready? Ready? Rock, paper, do we go on shoot or no?

(...)

Okay. Well, I don't know. Some people feel different. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, okay.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

(...)

Okay. What's your choice? Callie. Okay. Oh, wait. Wait, who? What's Emily? You're the winner. So who's going next? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're going next. Are you kidding me?

(...)

Obviously.

(...)

Okay. So for me, my dilemma is one of my children is just having some health issues that are remaining undiagnosed and are like problematic enough.(...) But the doctors don't seem as motivated as I am to figure them out. And they're like normalizing them. And I'm like, I don't know that this is normal. So that's my dilemma.

(...)

I don't think my maternal compass is going to be as verbose in her language.(...) But here we go. Okay, so I feel my maternal compass and my lungs. Caitlin, should you prompt me?

Yeah, I want to prompt you.(...) So great.

(...)

Where can you touch your body that you feel like would help ground you in this? Like,(...) I know lungs are so big. So like, where do you want to touch?

I'm touching my back just because I get a bigger breath.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking about like the deepest breaths you can feel in your back. Yeah. Okay, so you're gonna breathe in. And you're going to picture your maternal compass, and you're closing your eyes. And you're picturing the dilemma that you're in right now of your child's undiagnosed medical issues. Keep your eyes closed, breathe in and breathe out and do that three times just kind of silently connecting with yourself. And then once you're done, let us know.

(...)

So I think she's really just saying...

It's typically easiest to speak as the part so there's not the she's saying blah, blah, blah. Are you up for doing that?

(...) Sure.

Okay, and then I might prompt the part as well. So what do you have to say?

That you can trust your gut and your instincts.

(...)

And you can also trust medical professionals.

(...)

So when you feel like you're being discounted,(...) it doesn't mean that you need to dig up your own answers and do it all on your own.

(...)

You're not a medical professional.

(...)

So trust your instincts that there's a problem. But also know that you can rely on other people and they may be there to ground you also.

(...)

Also, you are a good mom and you're doing things well. So stop freaking out about if you're feeding your child too much sugar and that's what's causing issues.(...) Or if you're whatever, a little bit of Miss Rachel once a week is causing these medical issues.

(...)

So just know that you are doing your best and that you can trust your community to help you with it.

(...)

So yeah, so I'm great. I love it. I'm hearing from your maternal compass, Callie, like, sort of the holding the gray. That's what kept coming to me of like,

(...)

everyone is right in their own way and everyone has a way to contribute. And I'm thinking about when we're like panicked and we go from I'm right or they're right or I'm wrong or they're wrong and that your maternal compass was like, Hey, your instinct that something is off with your child and that it matters is accurate.(...) The some of the instinct of like the medical system around, Hey, this might be more normal than you think could also be accurate and matters. Also, any degree of this where you're projecting like, Am I a bad mom? That's just off the table. You're a great mom. And so some of the things you might feel nervous about or like guilty about as a mom, like, am I feeding my child too much sugar? Like, that's not about this. You don't have to worry about it. You're not feeding your child too much sugar. You're a good mom. My guilt around is having my child watching Miss Rachel, like a bad thing. Could that be like, Nope, you're projecting your like worries about being a bad mom on that too. Like you're a good mom, Callie. It's okay for your child to watch Miss Rachel. So(...) like, I thought of your maternal compass as like, a mediator and also kind of like a coach of like, you got this. Like you're a great mom, I believe in you and also is kind of sorting through some of the noise around like, Okay, I Cali know something is up with my child, but I can sort through the part about sugar and Miss Rachel. That's just like, Nope, that's not it.

(...)

So yeah, what do you think about that?

(...)

It's good. I feel grounded.

(...)

Like, yeah, I mean, I had, we'd sort of talked about this prompt a little bit at the end of the last episode. So I'd spent like a little bit of time doing it in a less controlled way.

But that also like listeners can do that too. Like, what are your biggest dilemmas right now as a mom and let that kind of sit almost like when people say let, let yourself dream on it or like let yourself go to sleep and see what comes up in the morning. Like, it's okay to have sort of a lingering prompt and then take some time to really dialogue.

(...)

Yeah, and I'm sure it'll take more practice too. But yeah, the actual like taking the three deep breaths was way more time than I would normally spend grounding myself.

(...)

That's important for people to hear. I was literally like, I'm gonna skip the third breath. And then I did it. I was like, this is taking so long.

And it was probably what 30 seconds? Not even I mean.

(...)

Well, that could also be a prompt for listeners to develop their tool is like,

(...)

whatever you think you need to ground, maybe add like another 30%. Because usually like whatever you're doing now isn't working. That's part of or like it's not working in the way you're trying to get it to work.(...) So there's something about like you trusting the process of three breaths and just going for it. That's great.

(...)

Yeah.

(...)

Okay, Emily, do you have anything you want to say about Callie's before we shift to yours?

(...)

I was getting emotional.

I was like, guys.

(...) I was like, yeah, you are a good mom. You should be telling yourself that all the time.

(...)

Yeah. Thanks, guys.

(...)

For Emily's.(...) She was talking about her gut as sort of what is a bodily representation of your maternal compass.

I was thinking for Emily's prompt, she puts a hand on like, wherever she associates her gut to be in her body, which honestly, like our sense of anatomy, for some people is not so it's like, where is the seat of your maternal compass, take a few breaths, and then see what your maternal compass has to say. And the dilemma that I chose for Emily, like one of those sort of things that's challenging her now more in her journey of being a mom is having a recent diagnosis of gestational diabetes.(...) And so for listeners, like if you're in junctures in your identity as a mom that feel really hard, like this is a tool you can use to tap into similar to like Callie's response to it and my response to it in this episode of like, we felt more grounded and centered

dialoguing with our maternal compass. So yeah,

I'll have Emily do that and we'll see what happens.

So for you, where where is your gut in your body, Emily?

(...)

I'm sorry.

I put your hand on it because Charlie kept telling me his gut hurt this morning. And I kept saying, is your stomach hurt? No, mom, my gut. And then halfway to where we're supposed to hike. And he makes me turn around so he can go home and poop. And then his gut didn't hurt.

(...)

But that's my context right now.

No, but it's a great example.

(...) Yeah. Yeah. Corn? Should we say corn?

No, it's fine. No, I think your gut there's wisdom in like the stomach has so much emotions tied to it like neurotransmitters like this. Yeah, it's your gut. It's your gut. I like that word for you.(...) So put. Oh, go ahead.

I get like physically it would be I forget what they call it in yoga. But when you're in a more meditative state at the end of like a vinyasa flow, usually put your left hand on your heart, your right hand on your stomach.

(...)

Yeah.

Yeah. That. No, I love that.

(...) That feels comfortable because I've been in that space enough time. So that's an easy go to for me. Yeah. So I'm so massively pregnant right now. And I have a hard time touching my belly and not just relating it to the fetus.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

(...)

Okay, so then for you, you have one hand on your heart and one on your belly.

(...)

Okay, so then I would say close your eyes. Imagine any like images you have of your maternal compass.(...) Take three deep, slow breaths.

(...)

And then the prompt for your maternal compass is like, how do I navigate gestational diabetes?

It's funny. So I've been tapping into,

(...)

it was actually very, it was difficult for me, but helpful to visualize the maternal compass last time, last episode.

(...)

And I've been getting little flashes of it. It is just actually easier to access having done that work. Correct.(...) It works. The work works. It's still weird in the time. I'm going to be honest. Like it didn't feel natural. Oh, yeah.(...) But it so, so now I'll lead into the struggle I'm having right now. I'm having a hard time speaking from that compass because it's a collective for me.

Oh, okay. So then I definitely think some people on this journey could experience that. So I'm wondering, just saying however feels the most comfortable for you. Like what are, I guess I would say what are the messages you're getting about your gestational diabetes and managing it?

(...)

Well so it's the, it's ancestry to me. So it's almost like tropes of my two grandmothers and one of my great grandmothers who are such different women. I think that's why I'm having a really hard time.

(...)

Okay. Who is taking,(...) who has the most like energy that's like, I'm here. I want to talk out of the three.

(...)

I'm having a really hard time choosing, I guess the sentiment that's bubbling to the top, those universal, which is just deep love and care for me, which I've experienced from all of them. They're so different,

(...)

but they,

(...)

that's the first unifying factor.

I love that. Yeah. Which I don't think of myself that way.

(...)

What do you mean?

(...)

I don't dislike myself, but the love you feel from somebody else, you don't manufacture for yourself.

(...)

So I don't know. I guess I expected to get a lot of advice or pep talks or nurturing surrounding the things I can control.

(...)

And none of that surfaced.(...) There were no actionables.(...) I love this. It was just like deep caring.

(...)

And I think perspective too, because there are three generations removed from me in really different circumstances.

(...)

And so the perspective is from one of them, well, this would never have even been diagnosed in me when I was pregnant.

Oh yeah.

(...) Or what you went through with your first pregnancy, I might not have made it out of.

(...)

Wow.(...) So yeah, just caring. And then that removes a lot of the judgment. I'm trying to avoid medication if possible. So that's, I think personally my dilemma right now is how to move forward with diet and exercise is my hope, my goal. Yeah. Yeah. But my numbers aren't necessarily agreeing with that. So yeah, I guess what surfaced to the top was how is that even relevant in the big picture that feels so big to you,

(...)

but it's going to be maybe two months of your pregnancy. You're on medication if you need to do it.(...) Also how insignificant in the long run, if you actually have the medical system that can take care of you and your baby.

(...)

So I don't know. I feel like I failed because I can't, I can't just speak from one way.

Oh, that's so interesting. I feel like this was so beautiful. Some of my reflections are,

(...)

I feel like both Emily, you and Callie have been like, what are the takeaways? What are the tangible takeaways? But I feel like Emily, you've been more like that. Like what's the takeaway? What's the productive actionable thing? And just like loving that. And so I think there's some beauty and wisdom and like your maternal compass, which at this point we'll say is like a collection of ancestors. And in this moment, these three ancestors that you're like picturing almost in a chorus being like, we trust you to do the solving and the tangible takeaway stuff, but the gift we're giving to you is like an up swelling of love that feels like energizing. Like we are here with you. And that's actually what we think you need. You don't need more like,(...) I'm thinking of the CEO character, like this is what we're going to do about this. We're figuring it out. And that, so I, I think it's actually beautiful that there weren't many words and that it was more of like this gift of love and that you were even saying like, the type of love this is, is the love from another person. So I can't give this to myself. And so like they're giving you something that you can't give to yourself.

(...)

True.

(...)

Caitlin was like, this episode might get intense and I wasn't really understanding what was going to get intense.

(...) I was like, what do you mean? Oh, yeah.

(...)

Oh yeah. She does this all day long. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think the other part of this Emily that I really liked is like, I feel like the parts and I am tempted to try to dialogue with your maternal compass. That might also be a spinoff episode. But like, I feel like another kind of message from the parts was like the stigma around medication that you're internalizing like is heavier than it needs to be. Like this could literally just be a tool for two months. And so I feel like they were picking up on like the stigma of like medication, not that you like 100% consciously believe this Emily, but like medication is bad. Just do diet and exercise, which like has some merit to it and exists for a reason. So like, I think the maternal compass in you is essentially saying like if I were to put it into words,

(...)

like you don't need to worry about being dependent upon medication forever. Like the trope that we have in society about medication, this is literally potentially two months of your life.(...) And you've tried diet and exercise. And if it's not working, it's okay to just go with the medication. Like this is not as big as it feels right now.

(...)

Yeah, I mean, you're picking up on that very correctly. The stigma. It's not that I dislike medication. It's so necessary and so helpful. I fully recognize that I'm just always wary at first, if there's another way I can solve it holistically. But I think that beyond the gestational diabetes, which as I said earlier is the most common complication in pregnancy doesn't need to be a huge thing. That is shifting how I'm viewing my labor and delivery. And so,

(...)

yeah, I think just taking the capabilities of Western science in 2025 as a gift. Yeah, yeah. And not hiding them is.

(...)

Well, and there was something in that too about the ancestor who was like, in my pregnancy, maybe this happened and it was never caught.(...) And also the other ancestor who was like, I might have not survived the first pregnancy you had, Emily, as like a sort of like,

(...)

I feel like there's lots of things in that that I love. And I really want to like dive into and talk to you about for like seven hours, but I'll take part of it, which is like,

(...)

I wouldn't have been able to survive. Like you can trust the medical system enough to just take this medication and like find a way through it. Like you might not be alive without the medical system.

Yeah.

(...)

So Kelly, some parallels here.(...) I know. I was thinking that.

(...)

Yeah. It's interesting. Our parents took us to the doctor regularly growing up just in case anyone.

We didn't need the doctor very much. I mean, honestly, it wasn't that regular. It was just like, you know, yearly to play sports or whatever, you know, like it wasn't. Yeah. And I think part of why this is like a little outside my comfort zone.

But I'm just saying we don't come from a family who just doesn't go to the doctor. It doesn't trust the medical system.

Mm hmm.(...) Oh, yeah. That makes me think to kind of go back to my maternal compass is me getting out of that three year period of horrible health.(...) I got so much help.(...) Yeah, I got so much help from a few key doctors, some of them like, whoa, that was not helpful at all.

(...)

Some of them kind of moderate, like they were trying to figure out what was happening and they couldn't figure it out. So they just gave up. But there are a few I can think of three of the key doctors that like really helped me get over a major hump in like the amount of fatigue I was experiencing. And then I was able to access more holistic intervention. And so yeah, like my end of it is it's also a reminder that I can lean in to the medical system in ways that really helped me. It might not be well, it's definitely not it's definitely not every doctor, not every hospital, not every medication, but there are definitely key things that can help in moments of transition. And that might show up for me in my pregnancy, like, I've gone down on a lot of medications over the past like, year and a half. And I feel much better, but that is also serving as a reminder for me that maybe something changes.

(...)

So yeah, maybe pregnancy will solve everything.

(...)

I don't know. There are those stories we need to find. Did it really?

I was never regular before being pregnant.

Wow.

I didn't know that.

I have a regular now.

One of my friends tells me that when she was pregnant was the happiest time of her life.

(...) Wow.

(...) Yeah, but also she before and after pregnancy went through a ton of trauma and stress and body stuff. And so yeah, but like that's I've heard that at least once.

(...)

I've heard of you where there were some health issues that just could not, they could not get a handle on and then pregnancy just shifted whatever hormone. Yeah. Anyways.

Transcription Pending

(...)

Transcription Pending

(...)

So I want to note

that it seems like for each of us a combination of visualizing, closing our eyes, breathing deeply, and then like touching a part of our body associated with the maternal compass.

(...)

There's also, and we talked about this in the last episode and I'm happy it's going to be in the worksheets too, but about like every sense in our, every sense a human being is capable of. So for people listening who are like, I don't really want to touch my body or breathe deeply or picture an ancestor or picture the maternal compass, like there are other ways. This just happens to be a thing that was in common with all of us in this episode.

(...)

So yeah, but I do think like some of the character development around the maternal compass in the last episode helped each of us with tapping into her.

next sort of prompt and we're going to also have this in the worksheet for listeners is

essentially now that you've developed your maternal compass, at least a little

bit, you've tapped into her. What does it look like to have your maternal compass take more of the front seat in your life moving forward?(...) And so I was thinking for this episode, I'll just ask that question to each of

just see what comes up. And depending on the time of day, like it might be different, but just in this moment, what does that look like? And then a second prompt of what is the lowest energy cost option to implement the change? Because something I try to be very clear with my clients

only have so much energy. And so if we have a goal, what is a small step or an easy step to engage in this change?(...) So I'm just going to start with myself. Let's do the same order. No rock, paper, scissors.

(...)

So my prompt is like what changes does my maternal compass want me to make?

(...)

And I'm going to try to still focus it on the dilemma of like my body related to pregnancy, but it might expand. So I'm actually going to try to like speak as her again.

Okay, one second.

(...)

Doing a breath on my heart. So changes for me to make.

(...)

I feel like the fastest hit and I'll speak as Caitlin right now is reducing my level of inflammation. I think that my full body pain from like all the things I've learned about my body over the last years of being in especially the three-year period of horrible health is that full body pain for me is nervous system and inflammation. And so different ways for me to work on inflammation. I actually have an amazing cleanse that for listeners just to be clear because we all have complicated relationships with cleanses in our society. This is not calorie restrictive. It's still like 1800 to 2000 calories a day and it's based off of reducing inflammation. So I am in no way telling people to like have 200 calories a day or whatever. This is a cleanse specifically for inflammation.(...) So I think my maternal compass is like encouraging me to do a harder anti-inflammatory like at least for a couple weeks because I think that's where that pain is coming from and also telling me to slow down focus on rest and specific things would be cutting half the amount of sugar. I'm eating approximately that's a big trigger for inflammation and that full body pain and then also getting back into the gym. I'm also getting upping my vitamin D and then I'm picturing taking like a really long Epsom salt bath where I try to like let the stress melt off of me. But I also lean into how much a really heavy Epsom salt bath helps all of my muscles relax.(...) And so I like these sort of tangible things from my maternal compass because all of them are based off of like what actually recently happened which was full body pain. It's not just like random neck pain or random wrist pain like those would be different things but I feel like their takeaways. So what is the lowest energy cost option to implement them? I can take my vitamin D that I already have out of its hiding place and put it physically near my bed.

(...)

Easy.

(...)

To the gym. I think putting in my Google calendar when I'm going to go to the gym having my gym clothes near the front door and also having either my partner or my mother come to the gym with me. I feel like those are ways to get myself back into the gym.

(...)

The cleanse I actually already have all the ingredients so it would be taking them down similar to the vitamins taking them down from on top of the fridge to on the counter where I get my morning coffee. So when I'm like getting my morning coffee I see the bananas. I know there's almond milk in the fridge. I see the powder and I'm like okay the blender is right there like I can do this.

(...)

It's fine and also to give myself a rule for the cleanse that like the first step is having that shake with the vitamins in it. I don't have to add a bunch of extra steps to anti-inflammatory cleanse and I'll just start there and I'll see where it takes me.

(...)

So there we go. Look at that. Actionable. Yeah, very actionable. Yeah and I'm I feel less afraid.

(...)

And also I feel kind of empowered because there I did gain a lot of knowledge from how crappy my health got like when you have to build yourself up from like that which also taps into like Callie's response of like girl you got this like it is making me feel more confident so.

(...)

So Callie. Hello. Hello.

(...)

What changes does your maternal compass want you to make in your life moving forward and it could be about like the dilemma of hey there's something happening with your child's undiagnosed medical issues but it could really be about anything.

(...)

And if you if something doesn't immediately come to you you're welcome to do the breathing exercise again.

(...)

I was actually kind of thinking about it while you were talking because there's some similar steps that I've been thinking about for a child.

(...)

But I think my maternal compass was saying like you don't need to be scared of trying other methods like you can go to a natural path without turning crazy.

(...)

Oh that's great. Yeah. You can it's okay that you're going to the chiropractor even if it doesn't solve anything. It's not hurting anything.(...) Again you're not being crazy.

(...)

You should contact the doctor and say hey here's some more data like can we meet again.

(...)

And also that's not crazy. The part that my maternal compass hasn't I don't know we're not in sync yet is the energy cost.

(...)

Just because all of these things add time to the calendar and they you know and I think I've been on a mission to do and it's really funny that it's not funny but I'm not making this up. I've been planning on doing more anti-inflammatory things. Yeah. I need to do more research on that because I I have this gut feeling that that's a huge cause right now of this health issue. But I need to research what that all looks like. And so that's what I still need to figure out is where the energy goes and the best way that I can still be a good mom by ultimately like not going crazy myself but also like feed my family in a way that is beneficial for us all and feels good.(...) Get to see these doctors.

(...)

Yeah. I don't know that part's a struggle still.

(...)

me the the lower cost things were like giving the doctor data and requesting a new session with them.

(...)

And then I feel like the impulse to do more anti-inflammatory things it could be like what is one thing I want to subtract or add to the like weekly diet of my family that may be a little bit more healthy.

(...)

Maybe just changes like one or two meals like it doesn't change every single meal. It's not like a huge thing but like what is a first step.

(...)

I also like I'm trying to focus on the practical steps but I feel like for you you said the word crazy maybe like seven times so I just want to address that. Yeah.(...) So this is definitely a societal thing and I'm trying to make it about society because I really think this is like a message that we've gotten that the the image of the like which you might already fit parts of this pretty well.

(...)

So I'm not but the image of like the mom where all my children are homeschooled. We only eat organic. We have no processed foods at all like my children don't get to go to McDonald's like if they have a birthday they don't even get a birthday cake like that level and then how our society labels that as crazy and that like. Number one that's not crazy but also those aren't the choice literally all the choices you're going to make like you were just talking about not homeschooling a child but like I think being aware of like that kind of archetype and that idea and that doesn't make you crazy just like with Emily the idea of like the person who takes medication to solve the problem that doesn't make you like weak like it is a legitimate choice at times and Emily is probably about to make that.

(...)

And so for you like how much is crazy connected to like there are things outside of Western medicine that might be able to help my child as well as help my family. They seem to be falling under the category of anti inflammatory.(...) You're acknowledging that that's a broad category and it's a knowledge set that would take a lot of energy for you to like interact with. But I think one of the things blocking you is conflating that with being crazy. And so I was trying to offer you like there can just be like a tangible I don't know we're cutting out beef and we typically have beef once a week. So let's just start with that and see what happens instead of like you know now my kids never get to eat outside the house or leave the house let alone you know like that's not happening. And

actually as you were talking I feel like the maternal compass was also saying that you are with your partner for a reason and he doesn't have any of those things that I'm labeling as crazy of myself like those are not things that he values literally at all. So I'm thinking like that research that I'm scared of doing like I have him do that because opposite lines. Yeah I think would balance really well and then that takes that time off my plate too. And then for him to be on board with how we're going to eat.

(...)

That's amazing low lift that was a straight up offload. Yeah, a really healthy balanced way.(...) Yeah.

(...)

Wow. Yeah. What I'm getting from that is like you doing the anti inflammatory research you're worried that the parts of you that are already so nervous will just get literally like even more. Yeah. And so that's beautiful to be like my partner cuts through a lot of that stuff much faster and might even laugh at stuff that he finds and so like let's have him do it and but also giving him the prompt like choose a couple things we can implement so like you're asking him to do something and come back with something but you're not like freak out about a hundred different things that could be happening and ask us to do the best we can. Ask us to do them all at the same time because it seems like that's what you're maybe nervous would happen to you like oh my gosh, we need to change everything.

Well, and then also like me taking all of it on and not having up control. It's like also like letting him be an equal part of this decision and so I don't have all the weight on me even though I'm the primary caregiver but yeah, yeah.

(...)

Whoo. Okay, that was big.

(...)

So Emily, your team. Yeah.

Oh, I love that.

So good.

(...)

So, Emily, what changes does your maternal compass want to you to make and if it doesn't come easily we can do like another tapping in and visualizing and stuff but does anything come up for you.

Yeah, it's really fascinating. I think.

(...)

First of all, there's, I talked about perspective earlier.

(...)

I don't want to say minimizing, but maybe that is the word there's this minimizing of the crises for me,

(...)

because I mean I'm already putting enough time and effort into the food that I'm having and the exercise that I'm doing and the schedule that I'm on and that is working when I have exerted control and when I have, when I can be on top of the inputs, the results have been good.

(...)

That is bad is what I'm sleeping in my numbers are bad when I my fasting numbers are bad. I'm not going to wake up in the middle of the night and workout and eat well. So, you know, so anyways, I think the perspective is like move on, let it go. Like,(...) if it's just love and nurture it's like we love and nurture you.(...) That's enough like just move on do what you can and move on, don't focus on it like it's not serving you there's no there's no more, you can say that you there's no more you can do. Oh, I love that. And then I think, secondarily, it's interesting.

(...)

I think the only things I've really been talking thinking a lot about are the time I'm losing with Kieran.

(...)

And what's happening to the baby inside me with my glucose insulin chaotic fight internally.

(...)

And as I was thinking about like what my voice was saying,(...) I was thinking about what my grandmother's and great grandmother would want for me,

(...)

which is probably to put time on the calendar for myself also before this baby comes. Yeah, to put some systems in place,

(...)

or not some systems because those all go out the window postpartum.

(...)

But just go on a few girls nights make sure they're in the calendar before you go into labor, like make sure I get the haircut that's long overdue.

(...)

What are these women going to be sad about on my behalf.

(...)

I don't do like gestational diabetes is so yesterday, like move on and focus on more.

(...)

I'm hearing like you've done enough and it's time to focus on reconnecting with friends and like taking care of yourself like get a haircut reconnect with friends.

(...)

You've done what you're you've can't you've done what you can and you're doing what you can to manage the gestational diabetes and like here's a bigger picture

like seeing your yourself as a gift and not like a problem. Yeah,

(...)

yeah.

(...)

Because I was focusing on like wow guess I make really shit placentas. I just, I think it's a pattern. Two times in a row it's not a function my body's really excelling at.

(...)

Like yeah, let's be honest about that. Because in 2025. There's so much help I can get with that. I don't need to just say well that's that's that they say well yep, that's a thing. And here are all the solutions that I may or may not like, but they've exist.

And also hang out with your friends and get a haircut.

(...)

Also,

(...)

also, yeah, those are my actual Oh, also, I think I'm doing the deep breath. I think so I'm working the maternal compass into my journaling in the mornings I'm going to see how that. Oh, I love that smart, because I really have been pulling these visuals up since our last episode. Yeah, yeah, it was really really different for me, forcing myself to take those really deep yoga breaths and the physical component with at was a game changer capital feel like forever.

(...)

No, I actually said that I was good.(...) I, you know,

(...)

but Kelly you gave Emily the gift of like okay I don't have to be the one to say it feels like forever I can just like do it because it worked for Kelly.

Totally. Yeah, did you was that really different for you Cal.(...) What the, the grounding techniques.

(...)

Yeah, she was like why is this going for on for so long. Oh, right.

Yeah, what I normally do you mean. Yeah.

(...)

Yeah, I just gave myself a lot more time. Yeah, like deep breaths really good normal thing for me like Charlie and I had a thing the other day and I was like, you know I also get frustrated, and he's giggling because I was like, what do I normally do instead of yelling at you, even sometimes I yell at you and he's like can take a deep breath. Do that. However, I never do it like that.(...) Yeah.

(...)

Yeah,

it's going top of my top of my morning. Three. Yeah, whole three really deep breaths, and it's just, I think, a lesson for me that the work actually works.(...) Like, this work is honestly Caitlin felt really alien at times. Oh yeah, you get that feedback all the time it's very normal. This is not a normal real life space that we all occupy or grew up occupying

in in this generation of United States Americans who are predominantly in like white western culture, because like it's interesting when you go into parts work and you're like, oh, there were societies where like you speak to the great mother, what I like. That's just like a Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, but totally like I am. This seems like introducing a foreign concept, even though to me it's like a tool humanity has had forever and is not new at all. It's just rebalancing where we're at.(...) And some listeners also.

(...)

Yeah, no, I'm just I want to point out it felt even though we were guided by a person, it felt alien to me. Oh, totally. And it's really gratifying to get some results pretty immediately after putting in simple work. The discomfort didn't last that long is what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah, like the fact that the two of you were rock paper scissoring, I was like, I was like, man, it's gonna be so much better after we do it once.

(...)

And I have to add into like, from a Christian perspective to like, this is really helpful. So if you're listening, and you're feeling like this feels woo, or this feels, you know, not western enough for your circle or not like

these are techniques that could be your prayer life. Like, yes, I was gonna bring that up to.

(...)

Yeah, and I'm not always great at that. But like, even those three breaths, I'm going to be implementing into my prayer life because what a game changer. And like, to me, it's all one and the same.

(...)

My eternal compass with my ancestors, like it's the woo and the spiritual and the so yeah.

Yeah, that's a great so that could be like a trailhead for listeners of doing some sort of practice where you connect with your body and you allow yourself to receive messages or energy like for a lot of people who are Christians that could look like prayer is the closest thing they get to it.

(...)

For like, I'm thinking of people I know who are artists and maybe identify as like, vaguely spiritual for them that might be like, the feeling they have when they're drawing something or when they're engaging in their art or for someone who fits like is neither religious or artistic, it might be like, when they're walking in nature, they feel like they start to receive more like, I don't know healing energy, but that could be a trailhead for listeners to like, is there any place in your life where any of the things you've seen, like me and Emily and Callie do that that shows up for you even just a little bit, and like, how can we expand on that. So you integrating this into your prayer life Callie I feel like is a great example of like, okay, this is a part of my life that actually resembles this at least a little bit. And now I can kind of merge the two.

Such good stuff.

Yay.(...) So yeah, so I just want to encourage listeners like I think part of what Emily and Callie are sharing is that doing the worksheets and challenging yourself to engage in these concepts likely you will it will become exponentially easier to engage in the concepts like I think at first Emily's reaction to this was essentially just like laughing with almost like a spitting component to it like like, are we

back to the club.

No, I we're back to the whole premise. I feel like initially like you're gonna talk to parts of yourself you're like,

(...)

but yeah, definitely

the club in the pre it's like, yeah, we develop this concept together I was like, yeah, let's go.

Yeah, yeah.

(...)

But yeah, okay, we can we can say observably it definitely happened with the club. But from going to that to being like, oh, I feel three of my ancestors with me and I'm on like the verge of tears and it's like love that I can't give myself that like they're giving me. And like, that's an example like listeners in similar spots, you can get there. So, but yeah, it has been so good to be with both of you. And I've really enjoyed recording all these episodes and developing the worksheets and I hope it helps people tap into their parts and like, it doesn't have to be the maternal compass, but I really liked that. And I think that's that we centered around something that can be really empowering for women who are moms or want to become moms,

(...)

or anyone who's trying to mother in any way like this is,

(...)

I think it's really needed. I think there are certain like segments of our society right now that really get lost in the shuffle and I feel like postpartum is a huge part of like society essentially being like, that doesn't happen.

(...)

Like just deal with it. And so like, here we go. We have the maternal compass, we all have her any gender, we all have her.

(...)

And it feels like the anecdote to just like our world right now of going and chat GPT and it also is just a reminder of how powerful women are I mean this podcast is mostly for women so just like, yeah, if you know even without tapping into that like we're amazing but like how incredible and how life changing and world changing honestly,

(...)

are one where that grounded

operating

from a place of power and grounded

beauty and yeah.

(...)

Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, this has been so lovely. Can you do one more like where can people reach you?

(...) Sure. Um, so the name I go by on the internet because number one, Caitlin Ruby Miller, at least Caitlin Miller is quite generic and at some point it might change my name. I don't know.(...) I'm at fem enchantment so it's F E M C H A N T M E N T. So I'm at fem enchantment calm.(...) I'm at fem enchantment on sub stack on Instagram on Facebook on tick tock. The most reliable place to go is my website because as like meta becomes more and more weird. I don't know how much more meta I'm going to be doing but like, so my website fem enchantment calm.

(...)

I'm an artist and a therapist so I'm also posting a lot of like art and improvisation and music and poetry and all that stuff. And then right now I have one podcast called counselors craft a curious path,(...) which you can find on any podcast platform, but also my website, surprise surprise.

(...)

And then I do groups individual couples family therapy.

(...)

Yeah, and anyone is welcome even if they don't think they can work with me as a therapist because there are plenty of barriers to that to just reach out and share like I have dreams of developing like online communities and doing more like spin offs with the two of you about the maternal compass so like people are welcome to reach out even if they don't think they can work with me as like an individual or couples or family therapist. But yeah, it is so great to be with you.

Thanks so much for all the work that you did. This was powerful.

(...)

It's a visual level and it's that you've developed all these tools through the worksheets and through a conversation that anyone can access for free so

yeah,

(...)

yeah, thank you for the gifts both of you are giving.

(...)