Self-Care for Caregivers with Lisa Hulick, LMT

In this episode of Hope Floats, hosts Shoshawna Rainwater and Rachel Coady engage with Lisa Hulick, a licensed massage therapist, to explore the vital role of self-care and healing for caregivers of individuals with dementia. The conversation delves into the significance of touch, the physical manifestations of stress, and the importance of vulnerability in caregiving. Lisa shares insights on how massage therapy can provide a much-needed respite for caregivers, allowing them to reconnect with their bodies and emotions. The discussion emphasizes the need for caregivers to receive care themselves and the transformative power of being witnessed in their struggles. In this conversation, the speakers explore the importance of self-care for caregivers, emphasizing the significance of touch, emotional release, and nourishment. They discuss practical ways to incorporate physical movements and soothing techniques into daily life, as well as the healing power of food and emotional expression. The dialogue highlights the need for caregivers to prioritize their well-being and offers insights into how to achieve this through simple, accessible practices.

Takeaways

• Caregivers often neglect their own needs while caring for others.
• Touch can help reset the nervous system and alleviate stress.
• Massage therapy provides a break from caregiving responsibilities.
• Self-care should not feel like an additional burden.
• Witnessing each other's struggles can reduce feelings of isolation.
• Caregivers need to be reminded that it's okay to receive care.
• Physical stress often manifests in the shoulders and back.
• Honesty about one's struggles can foster deeper connections.
• The heart's emotional weight is often felt physically in the body. Massage can help release emotional and physical tension.
• Simple stretches can be done anywhere, even at doorways.
• Gentle touch can be profoundly soothing and healing.
• Nourishing food can be a form of self-care.
• It's essential to embrace and express emotions.
• Feelings are safe to experience and can lead to healing.
• Caregivers are allowed to prioritize their well-being.
• Book a massage if you’re in Portland with Lisa Hulick, LMT. At www.LisaHulickLMT.com

Transcript

Shoshawna Rainwater (00:05)

Welcome to Hope Floats, a podcast for people navigating the challenges of caring for a person with dementia. I'm Shoshawna Rainwater, a licensed clinical social worker and dementia consultant based in Portland, Oregon. I'm also the daughter of a parent living with dementia.

Rachel Coady (00:20)

And I'm Rachel Coady, a Professional Certified Coach, caregiver, and daughter of a person who had dementia. In today's episode, we welcome a new guest, a good friend and healer, Lisa Hulick. Lisa's life has taken several different directions, but it's always been about channeling her love to help. Currently, she shows her love solely through body work, but she has worked as a doula, chef, health counselor, and yoga teacher.

Today, she's a licensed massage therapist with her own practice in Portland, Oregon. She believes love is the magic ingredient, whether it's to help soothe the stress or make a meal delicious and nourishing. And I can say first person, you can taste the love in the food Lisa makes. Lisa, thank you so much for being here and helping us share more information with support for caregivers, which is what we wanna talk about today. 

And just to get started, I'm curious, for you–because I've known you now for probably over 10 years–but when did you realize that you had this kind of amazing gift and calling of helping and healing and caring for others?

Lisa Hulick  (01:25)

Well, first of all, thank you both so much for having me. It's so sweet to be asked this question and no one has ever asked me this question before. The first thing that comes to mind is during my massage therapy training, we would have these clinics where we would be practicing massage on the public for a reduced rate or perhaps they were free massages and the clients would give us feedback and more extensive feedback. And I remember this one review I got from one of my earliest massages, they wrote, “Lisa has mermaid hands.” 

And I remember reading it to my family and them kind of teasing me about it; but it still felt like such a sweet remark that I still, 25 years later, remember. And I think it really impressed upon me that I had this gift of touch from the beginning. It was something that going to school nurtured, but I had it from the start.

Rachel Coady (02:46)

I'm so glad you listened to the talent of your hands and your heart to do this for people I think, today we want to talk a lot about care for caregivers. And we know from our own journeys in dementia and dementia care that it just is game-changing to have some moments of reprieve and care for yourself. And so, yeah, we're so excited to learn more from you today about what care can do and how care can help us and restore us in this journey. So, thanks again. 

Lisa Hulick (03:16)

Thank you.

Rachel Coady (03:17)

Why does touch feel so helpful during hard times? Like if we just were gonna break it down, kind of what's going on? 

Lisa Hulick (03:25)

Well, so stress, in addition to being a mental experience and a literal experience, life experience, it's very much a physical experience. There's a reason stress is called a feeling. It's a physical feeling that resides in our tissue. And while it's tricky to change our life or to change our mind, it feels like a little bit of a shortcut to change the way we feel physically.

A good massage should reset your nervous system, sort of in the way like when your car is running on fumes; if you took it to fill the tank and you took it for “the works” at the car wash and had a nice oil change, then you're ready to go again.

Shoshawna Rainwater (04:27)

I like that too. I've never heard anyone describe it as, you know, it actually impacts our tissues. Right in there to the core of us.

Rachel Coady (04:32)

Yeah.

Lisa Hulick (04:35)

Yeah, cortisol has a huge effect on soft tissue.

Shoshawna Rainwater (04:40)

And that's the stress hormone, right? That's coursing through all of our veins. 

Lisa Hulick (04:45)

Yes. Yeah, so you don't necessarily need to have an injury to feel pain in your body. Just the stress alone can cause the body to tense up.

Rachel Coady (04:59)

When a person comes in kind of in a high stress state in their life what are some of the things that you know touch can help with or massage helps with in that situation?

Lisa Hulick (05:09)

I think sometimes you just come in and you're so in your head and in your thoughts that there's like a disconnect between your mind and your body. And a massage can just anchor you into your body, giving you a reminder that you're safe and that you're here.

And giving your, again, your nervous system a reset where you can, you know, automatically start to breathe more deeply, and just get out of the thoughts for a moment, get a break from the thoughts for a moment. You know, I've noticed even in the most extreme circumstances, when people come in and their hearts are breaking, at the end of the massage, there's this like vacation from your doom, where you maybe forgot about that heartbreak for a moment, you know, like because there's just such a, it's such a powerful pause to just be soothed for an extended period of time.

Rachel Coady (06:26)

I feel like when I saw you, when I was going through my caretaking journey with my mom, that's a really good descriptor, right? It's like most people don't get an hour to themselves or 90 minutes to themselves to just like be–without interruption or notifications or needs from someone. And it's like you come back to yourself for a minute. And I really think you give that to people when you get to work with them. 

Lisa Hulick (06:54)

We need reminders, too. You know, if someone comes in and I know that they're really struggling, at the beginning of a session, I'll gently remind my client that for the next hour or so that we have together, the only thing they need to do is receive.

Shoshawna Rainwater (07:14)

Such a contrast to the role of caregiver. It's in the title, to give and to be a “care receiver” for that time that they are on the table or in presence with you, helps reset that role for even just an hour.

Rachel Coady (07:34)

I think it's a really interesting perspective is how we switch between being caregivers and care receivers. We know we need to receive care, right? But it just feels so hard to do it when you are constantly maxed in being a caregiver.

Shoshawna Rainwater (07:51)

Yeah, we've been talking about that lately, haven't we, Rachel, around some of that messaging that I think we receive as caregivers of the need to practice self-care and the need to take care of oneself.  Which is true, and also, I think, under-attends to the practicalities of how hard it can be to step away from the role of caregiver. There's so much and so many people sort of relying on you and that message around “you need to take care of yourself” can feel burdensome to caregivers. 

Rachel Coady (08:28)

It's like offensive. 

Shoshawna Rainwater (08:30)

(laughs) Right!  Let's just call it what it is!

Rachel Coady (08:32)

You're like, “no shit I need to take care of myself, but like, how can I do that when I'm constantly responsible for someone else's well being or multiple people's well being?”

Shoshawna Rainwater (08:40)

Yeah, yeah. There's opportunity for new dialogue around this because I think caregivers, so this idea, and Lisa, you tell us if you feel differently, but it seems like this idea of the need to take care of oneself and practice self-care is out in the general ether. Now everybody knows, “okay, you gotta take care of yourself.” What we haven't quite dialed in is how do we help make that happen so that it's not just another burdensome piece of to-do on someone's to-do list?

Lisa Hulick (09:12)

Hmm. One thing that comes to mind is understanding that everyone is going through their own version of hardship at any given time.  You know, and just being real about that. I think that letting down the facade that everything is okay is really helpful for all of us. For instance, I've been told that we shouldn't make our friends our therapists, but um, but I'm guilty of it, you know, and, and I think it's sometimes you just need a quick pep talk. Um, and I find that it gets easier to be real about what you're going through, the more you open up about it. And that doesn't always have to be with your best friend, your closest friend, your family. It can be with somebody new.  

But I think that there's just something really refreshing about when you are honest about what you're experiencing. Instead of having this front that everything's fine, it's kind of like doing that makes it uncomfortable for everybody.  And it's sort of like that public speaking advice that you get that if you just start off your speech by saying how uncomfortable you are to be standing in front of 30 people speaking, then you kind of like really quickly get to the other side of it. And then you can talk about pickleball, you know, or the weather or the food, you know, but if your heart is hurting and you don't let that out first, then I think it's a disservice to everybody.

Rachel Coady (11:12)

Yeah.

Shoshawna Rainwater (11:13)

I think this is fascinating, Lisa. And I think you're onto something, and it creates that feeling of isolation and loneliness when we think we're the only one going through it. I had a therapist tell me once she was talking with another therapist who was being asked the question, “isn't it exhausting to have to sit and hear and hold people's pain all day long?” And that person said, “no, it's not actually. That part of it is the gift. What's exhausting is watching everybody go back out and pretend everything's normal.”         

 Rachel Coady (11:51)

I think there's a witnessing that's really important for caregivers. And to Lisa's point, I think you can receive care the minute that you let someone see you, you know, and you do it times 10 to that when you let someone touch you and soothe you and help move energy through your body; but just being vulnerable and open about what's actually going on. And I say this to you as someone who was very challenged to do that in my caregiving journey. And Lisa probably called me out on that and said like, “look, you're not okay. Like this is a really hard situation that you're going through.” But once you admit that and you find someone to kind of witness your experience, I think it lowers the loneliness. I think it lowers the stigma of being a caregiver in dementia cause you say, “I'm in this” and people say, “I see you.”

I think writing can be a version of that for some people when they can't find a person to confide in, but just getting it out and saying, this is where I am, and this is what I'm experiencing can be powerful. And then finding people who can be the person who can take care of you with a massage, or cook you a nourishing food or give you a hug when you need one. Those are all ways, I think, in my journey where I transformed from being a caregiver to being a care receiver. And I really, really needed that.

Music transition

Shoshawna Rainwater (13:22)

I'm curious, Lisa, as a person who's giving healing touch, how do you stay centered and what do you do to continue to be able to be in this place of nourishing other people?

Lisa Hulick (13:38)

I always begin my sessions with just a few deep breaths and some stretching before I even go into the room. And then I really just tap into this sense of what the other person needs. It's like a deep listening and sometimes it's profound, but it's also just about being human. We all need a lot more loving nurturance than we get in this world. And so my job for the time that I'm with my clients is to provide that. So I just really try to stay focused in the moment on my client, what they've told me. And then also just take care of them the way that I would want someone to take care of me. You know, not rush anything, not skip anything. It's also not feeling like it's my job to fix something; more just give love to these areas that are, you know, where the client has told me they're, or where I can feel with my hands are holding this physical stress.

Shoshawna Rainwater (15:04)

Yeah, and I think there's sort of clinical humility in what you just said, because many of the things people come to us with are not fixable, right? There aren't quick fixes. And if there were, they would have already done them. And what the fix is, is in the witnessing and in the presence that you're bringing. And I think we don't appreciate witnessing and presence in the same way we do somebody who can just fix something quickly by prescribing a pill or something like that. 

I was curious, what's the most problematic or challenging place that most of us are experiencing in our bodies? What's going on in our bodies? Is it our shoulders that are jacked up the most? 

Lisa Hulick (15:44)

Well so, it changes. I mean, during the pandemic, I noticed this pattern in people's bodies where they started to grow these like humps at the top of the shoulder blade in the spine, you know, just from the scrolling and the stressing simultaneously. But now I'm feeling it really deep to the shoulder blades. I feel like that is this nexus of so many different areas of stress.  Yeah, it just feels like all of the feelings are under the shoulder blades. Like deep under there.

Shoshawna Rainwater (16:24)

Kind of opposite of the heart?

Lisa Hulick (16:26)

Yeah. So, so the heart, mean, I kind of like never think of the heart as this like thing on your t-shirt. I always feel like the heart is, is, much further on the back of the body. And yeah, there is a thing both in the front and the back of, like, you know, knots that form probably from this need for us to, you know, guard and protect.  A lot of the time, I think when I get under the shoulder blades, I'm dealing with heavy stuff under there. 

Shoshawna Rainwater (16:55)

Yeah, there's something very tight going on.

Lisa Hulick (16:58)

So I'm like really staying focused and, you know, again, not really just trying to like break stuff up, but just soothe.

Rachel Coady (17:08)

I think of that area as my wings and they're really tight 

Lisa Hulick (17:13)

They're really tight.

Rachel Coady (17:14)

And I feel like when I look at the world we're in right now, there is a feeling of not being able to fly the way I want to, and so that's what I think of as like, “my wings are really tight right now.”

Shoshawna Rainwater (17:25)

Oh, I love that.

Lisa Hulick (17:26)

Yeah. And massage can really loosen up your wings. All around your wings.  And help give you mobility. And then, it gets you going. Like you feel looser after a massage, you're more supple and, again, it gives you a fresh start.

Rachel Coady (17:42)

Lisa, are there a couple movements that you could describe that help loosen wings if people can't come and see you for an appointment right away? Like what are some things maybe our listeners could do now in they’re-  as they're able to?

Lisa Hulick (17:56)

If you think about how in our day-to-day, we are curved inward into ourselves–like our head is tilted forward, our shoulders are tilted forward, our back is hunched–I think that anything that is the opposite of that is what we need. So I often make a habit of whenever I walk through a doorway–and I am not tall–but you, I reach up and try to, you know, expand so that I can kind of stretch up against the height of the door and then, sort of like arch my spine forward, maybe tilt my head back. And then, same way–I'm sure people know this stretch– but when you also are standing in a doorway, having your arms kind of in a cactus shape and you can move your hands up and down, but just sort of stretch your heart forward and hang out like that. 

But really even just if you can lay on your bed and let your head dangle off the end, to open up the front of the neck, all of these like opposite actions of, I mean, we think probably half the day was spent at least in this one front curving position. We want to counterbalance that with the opposite. So just opening up the front of the body.

Shoshawna Rainwater (19:20)

I love that because almost every listener has access to doorways. If not every listener, most of us live in settings that have doorways. And what a great idea that every time I cross through this, not every time maybe, but you know, when I cross through this threshold, it's a pause point for me. Something I could really quickly and accessibly do to bring more well being. 

Rachel Coady (19:45)

Yeah, and to receive care. You can actually give that to yourself. 

Lisa Hulick (19:53)

It's free!

Rachel Coady (19:55)

And we did that joining you when you were describing it and it feels great. You're not joking. 

Lisa Hulick (20:00)

Yeah, you naturally take a deep breath when you you know lift your arms up which is just you know, like, life coming into your body and yeah, it can be five seconds

Rachel Coady (20:13)

Lisa, as a massage therapist, how do you use touch to kind of soothe and support your clients?

Lisa Hulick (20:22)

I think that we all respond to gentle touch in a profound way. And I think this is something that we can do for ourselves. Just simply having one hand on our heart, one hand on our belly to just be with ourselves for a moment. But I do find that even though there's this very practical thing that I'm doing where I'm breaking up adhesions with my fingertips or knuckles or whatever, I feel like the most profound work is often experienced from just the most gentle touch. 

Like I think about holding my clients the way that I would hold a newborn baby. And I just let my hands be completely limp underneath, say their head. And just being held in that most, most gentle way, that's when people fall asleep (laughs). You know, so it's working.

Rachel Coady (21:29)

These are the mermaid hand secrets right here.

Lisa Hulick (21:33)

All my tricks. You know, and it can happen in an instant.  I remember to let my hands relax. And the next thing I know, (snores and all laugh). You've been put to sleep, yeah. So I don't think you need any special skills. I think it's just his very loving, gentle intention.

Rachel Coady (21:57)

Yeah, that's just a great way to think about generally how we greet each other with loving intention. 

I know, and I have benefited enormously from your amazing work with nourishing food, as well. And just thinking of caregiving and kind of the chaos of it for a lot of our listeners, you put your love in so much food and the nourishing food. You made me this spiritually healing soup when I was sick, and I always ask you for the recipe. Are there any little nuggets of wisdom you want to give us around love and food and nourishment for ourselves as a form of receiving care and giving care?

Lisa Hulick (22:38)

First of all, I think about the flavor–the sweet flavor and how that's kind of the flavor of the heart and how it's very natural to crave sweets as a way to comfort ourselves. But then we also know that sugar comes with all these other problems, so then we deprive ourselves of that. So I think one thing that's really nice to get a handle on is a couple of go-to sweet snacks that are, for lack of better words, guilt-free. 

For instance, I've started eating an apple every single day. In Oregon, there's so many good varietals, but I do an apple, and if I want a little bit more nourishment, I'll do it with some nut butter or I'll do some like plain yogurt with berries and honey; they still feel like these decadent sweets, like a cup of rooibos tea with milk and honey or something that it still feels like this very like loving sweet thing, but it's, it also feels healthy. I also really love soup. And I also hate wasting food. 

Rachel Coady (23:50)

Yeah.

Lisa Hulick (23:51)

So, like nothing makes me feel worse than you know, like having to throw away produce or an avocado or something because it's gone bad. So I've gotten really good at if I notice I'm not going to be able to keep the things in my refrigerator or use them before they go bad, I will put them in the freezer to use later for soup. Last night even I just had a, know, left like the remains of a rotisserie chicken and I threw in the some thyme that was about to go bad. And I threw in the ends of the parsley bunch that, you know, would otherwise go in the compost or garbage and some parsnips that I didn't really know what else to do with and some brown rice that was, you know, a couple of days old and just cooked it for a long time. 

You know, I would leave the room and come back and, you know, um, and, and then just strained it out. And it was, you know, it's basically like gruel or porridge or something, but it was, it's so nourishing. And I mean, luckily, like in my family, um, we liked the same kind of food, but it's this huge pot of food that's just easy; it'll be good for the rest of the week. I'm fine to eat it for breakfast. I could throw an egg in it. You know, just…

Rachel Coady (25:02)

This stuff is so helpful because they're not only nourishing things, but they're thoughtful. And I think it's hard to feel like you have thoughtful options when you're so maxed in all these other areas, like we've been talking about. And, listeners, we’ll add the sample snack ideas and food suggestions to the notes of the show and on the website, so you can just look for some ways that you can really thoughtfully and caringly receive goodness for yourself from what Lisa's sharing. 

Lisa, we're getting close on time. I wanted to ask you one thing before we go; I'm curious if you have one hope for the caregivers who are listening right now that you wanna leave us with.

Lisa Hulick (25:50)

So what comes to mind is that it's safe to feel. I remember when my father passed away; I was 21. And I remember thinking that if I let my feelings bubble up to the surface, it would be like the world's largest waterfall. And it would just consume me. And then that would be it. I'd be...

I'd be gone, floating down the river. And over the years, I've learned that, yeah, that it's safe to feel and that, again, feelings are a physical thing, so they won't kill you. You can let the feelings come up. You can just breathe. You can have your hands on you. And, I  mean, water might come out of your eyes, and the heat might arise, and the heart might pound, and then the next thing you know, you're on the other side of it. 

They’re like waves that come over you, and they have intelligence and it's important that the feelings come up. It's probably the best part of us, to be honest. The only way to get through this is to feel.

Rachel Coady (27:27)

Really well said, thank you.

Shoshawna Rainwater (27:32)

We can't thank you enough for being with us today. And if folks were in the Portland area and had a chance to book a massage with you, how would they find you and book that time?

Lisa Hulick (27:45)

So I have a booking website that's just my name, LisaHulickLMT.com. But if you just search my name, you would find it.

Rachel Coady (27:55)

And we'll be sure to include that for our listeners as well. Hopefully, they can come and experience your mermaid hands and your loving care. They can practice care receiving with you. 

Lisa Hulick (28:06)

I would love that. (laughs) 

Rachel Coady (28:09)

Today we discussed the importance of taking care of caregivers and becoming care receivers. The importance of touch and how the touch you feel–whether it's something you can give to yourself or you can find in a loving massage–can be restorative and helpful to you. We talked about other ways that you can show your self-care and love and acceptance on this journey of being caregivers.

Shoshawna Rainwater (28:34)

If you're enjoying listening to the Hope Floats Podcast, we now have a new way you can support us. In addition to subscribing and sharing our episodes with others, you can now go to our site or make a Venmo donation to @HopeFloatsPodcast. This helps us cover our production costs for these episodes and also the cultivation of resources. We're so grateful for your ongoing support.

We're excited to cover more topics on the dementia journey and have more guests join us in the future. Thanks for all you are doing, and thanks for listening.

Rachel Coady  (29:12)

You can always reach out to us here at Hope Floats with your questions or with topics you'd like us to discuss on the podcast. We're here if you want to share your experiences, and let us know what could help you navigate this journey. We want to support you. 

Shoshawna Rainwater  (29:27)

You’ll find us at our website hopefloatspodcast.com.  When you’re there, you can learn more about how to work individually with Rachel or Shoshawna for support with your specific circumstances or situation. That’s also where we’ll share more tools, resources, and libraries that can help people on this journey.

Rachel Coady  (29:44)

Never miss an episode of Hope Floats by following us wherever you listen to your podcasts and join our community at hopefloatspodcast.com.