#48 School Refusal or Survival Mode? Understanding Avoidant Behaviour in Neurodivergent Kids

Is it really refusal—or is it survival?

If your neurodivergent child melts down at the school gate, begs to stay home, or simply shuts down when school is mentioned, you’re not alone. In this powerful episode, we dive deep into school avoidance—not as defiance, but as a communication of distress.

We explore:
 🔍 What avoidant behaviours really mean for kids with autism, ADHD, trauma backgrounds, anxiety, PDA, or sensory processing differences
🧠 How nervous system overload, masking fatigue, and unmet support needs show up as "refusal"
⚖️ The difference between pushing through and shutting down
❤️ Why connection and co-regulation matter more than consequences
🛠️ Practical strategies for parents and teachers: How to respond without shame, reframe expectations, and rebuild trust

Whether your child is just starting to show signs of school distress or already deep in survival mode, this episode offers hope, understanding, and a fresh perspective that puts your child’s needs—not just attendance—at the centre.

🎁 Bonus Mention: “School Stress Signals Checklist” – a free printable tool to help decode your child’s avoidance behaviours and know when to act.

This is the episode every parent, educator, and therapist working with neurodivergent kids needs to hear.

Academic References

• Baranek, G. T., et al. (2002). Sensory processing in autism: A review of neurophysiological findings. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 32(5), 397–422.
  
  
• Dettmer, S., et al. (2000). Using visual supports to teach routines to children with autism. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 30(6), 553–567.
  
  
• Greene, R. W. (2014). The Explosive Child (5th ed.). HarperCollins.
  
  
• Hebron, J., & Humphrey, N. (2014). Mental health difficulties among young people on the autism spectrum in mainstream secondary schools. Journal of Research in Special Educational Needs, 14(1), 22–32.
  
  
• Hull, L., et al. (2017). "Putting on my best normal": Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534.
  
  
• Kearney, C. A., & Silverman, W. K. (1996). The evolution and reconciliation of taxonomic strategies for school refusal behavior. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 3(4), 339–354.
  
  
• McCauley, J. B., et al. (2021). Burnout in autism: Risk and protective factors. Autism Research, 14(8), 1661–1673.
  
  
• Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton.
  
  
• Raymaker, D. M., et al. (2020). "Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure": Defining autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132–143.
  
  
• Shanker, S. (2016). Self-Reg: How to Help You

For more advice, support, to book a consultation or to find out more information please visit:

The Neurodiverse Education Hub Website

You can also purchase our e-book from the website:
e-book - Navigating Education: A Parent's Guide to Choosing the Right Primary School for your Neurodivergent Child

and our

Free Brochure - Transitioning from Kindergarten to Primary School for your Neurodivergent Child