Be Yourself Online? Navigating Social Media & Real Life Ft. Lo

Welcome back to another Episode of the Hella Chisme Podcast. 

This week on the Hella Chisme Podcast, Dana and Lo unpack the complicated reality of who we are online versus who we are in real life. From curated Instagram feeds and influencer culture to comparison burnout, online validation, and the pressure to “perform” for the algorithm, this episode dives deep into the digital personas we create and the emotional toll they can take. 

The conversation explores everything from social media authenticity and viral culture to content creator burnout, parasocial relationships, online comparison, and the growing pressure to constantly stay visible online. Dana also reflects on podcasting, building Hella Chisme through 100+ episodes, navigating creative consistency, and learning how to create meaningful content without losing yourself in the process.

Along the way, the episode blends pop culture commentary, real-life stories, dating conversations, reality TV chaos, and hilarious sibling banter while asking an important question:

Are we presenting our real selves online or just the version we think people want to see?

If you've ever questioned your worth because of social media, felt burnt out by the algorithm, compared your journey to someone else’s highlight reel, or struggled to balance authenticity with visibility, this conversation is for you.

LINK: https://linktr.ee/hellachismepodcast

Topics to Include: 

social media authenticity, digital identity, online personas, influencer culture, algorithm burnout, podcast growth, content creator burnout, social media pressure, online validation, comparison culture, authenticity online, parasocial relationships, creator economy, internet culture, queer podcast, Black queer creatives, mental health and social media, visibility online, social media and self-worth, podcasting journey, algorithm culture, content creation, digital burnout, viral culture, podcast community, creator mindset, online image, authenticity vs performance, Hella Chisme Podcast

Transcript

May Observances And Visibility

SPEAKER_00 0:00

May is doing a lot more than just bringing sunshine and cute outfits, okay? It's bringing truth, history, visibility, and yeah, a little bit of accountability too. Because this month we're recognizing moments that actually matter. On May 17th, we are honoring the International Day Against Homophobia, Biophobia, and Transphobia. A global reminder that people deserve to live, love, and exist out loud without fear, without shame, and without having to shrink themselves to make others feel comfortable. We also on May 22nd celebrate Harvey Milk Day, honoring Harvey Milk's legacy. And yes, this hits a little different for me because I am from the Bay Area. But I also know the white gays love Harvey Milk too. But his legacy is felt. It's in the streets, it's in the culture, and it's in the community. He showed us what it really means to be visible, to take up space, and to fight for the future where we all belong. On May 24th, we uplift Pansexual and Pan-Romantic Awareness Day. Because love is not one size fits all. It doesn't follow rules, it doesn't stay in a cute little knee box, and honestly, it never was meant to. And all month long we are celebrating Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander Month, recognizing cultures, the stories, and the contributions that continue to shape everything around us, even when they don't always get the credit they deserve. May is also National Military Appreciation Month, a time to recognize those serving, the veterans, the military families, and the sacrifices that often go unseen. And while we honor service, we also have to hold space for the complicated reality that there are troops right now deployed and caught into conflicts across the world. Real people, real families, real lives, these people are impacted every single day. Supporting people who serve should mean caring about the human cost of war and the responsibility that comes with it. And last but certainly not least, we can't talk about what's happening in May without uplifting our women and mothers this month. And happy Mother's Day to my own mother and all the women in my family. Now at the Hello Cheese May podcast, you already know we don't just talk about culture, we live it. We hold space for real conversations, for visibility, and for some nuance, and for the people who deserve to be heard in full color, not watered down. So this month, I encourage you, and it's real simple. Check in with what you know, challenge what you don't, and show it for the people loudly, proudly, and intentionally. And most importantly, celebrate people for exactly who they are. Because that is a real cheesy neck, girl. Alright y'all, quick pause. If you've been watching, listening, vibing, and you're not subscribed yet, that suspicious behavior is given sus. Go ahead and subscribe to the Hella Cheese May Podcast on YouTube. That's at Hellachie's May Podcast. Follow us on Instagram at HellaCheesMayPod. And yes, we're on TikTok too. You can follow us at Hellachie's May. And to be my professional June scrollists, if you scroll for 52 minutes straight but can't hit follow, be serious. The algorithm is already fighting us. Don't join it. Leave a comment on this episode, tell us what you think, drop your favorite moment, argue with me respectfully. The comments help more than you know. And wherever you're listening, whether that's Apple, Spotify, wherever, make sure you subscribe there too. Don't just consume the cheese map. Participate in a girlfriend. Help us beat the algorithm before it decides we don't exist. Subscribe, follow, comment, share, girl. You know, being a part of this community, just to let you know, it's fun over here because we're building something and we're building something beautiful. Make sure to be a part of the same. Well, it's gonna focus. Wavy, there you go. There you are. There we are. See, I don't like that. There we go. Okay, that's better. And welcome back to another episode of the Hello Cheese Me podcast. My name is Dana, and I'm your host. Oh my gosh. Hi. Hi, I'm not at home. Where are you? Oh my goodness. I'm in your lovely humble abode uh in San Jose, California. Yes, indeed. Yes. How are things going, friends? Oh, things are good. Um, I'm ready for a nap. Yeah, you had a long you worked today. I did, I did. It was a busy day for you. It wasn't that busy. But I worked. Yes, yes. I clocked in. Um, I got up. Uh-huh. I got dressed. Yeah. Talk to people. Yep. I don't like people. I mean, but here we are. Yes, here we are. What was your day? What did you do? It was good. I mean, I worked as well. Um, I didn't really have to talk to a lot of people, but I did I did just get some work done, get some stuff finished today. Um, and you know, it was fine. It was what it was. And then I went and roamed the streets of San Jose a little bit. Love it. Yeah, yeah. Um, if you're new here and you've never met Lo, um, my wonderful baby brother. Hello. Uh, he's been on many episodes at this point. Um, I would say you're you were definitely on like I would say you've been on like five or six episodes at this point, right? Yeah, I think so. Um at least two percent. Yeah, you know, maybe three. Okay, yeah. I mean fact we're at a hundred episodes now. I know. Isn't that crazy? This so this would technically be episode a hundred and one. Okay, I believe. We're gonna we're gonna do a little counting. Is your watch pink? So no, this isn't a watch. No, I see. So I was all I'm very prepared for your us to digress. Okay. So I mean, or for pivot and for us to you know go all over the place. Right. Um, and that's totally fine. Okay, that's totally fine. That's you know, it's gonna happen. Um, but no, so Paris, when we were in Mexico, bought uh Wesley and Gandhi these uh collars. And the collars came with these small little uh these little ones, but we were like, what are they for? Yeah, and so we've been wearing them as bracelets. So I was wearing it today because I felt like Paris would see this at some point and be like, oh, you're wearing our little bracelets. Okay, I love that. That's cute. Yes, uh well, cheers. Happy what is it, Tuesday, Wednesday? I don't know what today is. Today's Tuesday. Okay, got it. Taco Tuesday. Why didn't we go get tacos? It could still happen depending on what time we wrap this up. Oh happened. Take it to my liquor store spot. Oh, yeah, you did tell me there's a liquor store spot down here. It's funny because I was talking to Paris earlier and he was like, um, he gone kid taco shop on the way home. I was like, there's no taco shops like that here. And then now you've reminded me that there is one. Okay, there's several drive-thru ones and everything. Wait, there's do you guys have ones with drive-throughs? I never been to it, but I mean I don't I've gone to I go to some with drive-throughs. Actually, the only ones I go to, the one is drive with drive-thru. Okay, well, you know, hang. Um, so what's been going on, child? What's how's life been true to you? I know you work today. I know you got some things that was pop-a-locking and dropping, but what's how's life been? Um, you know, life has been a roller coaster. Hasn't it? We're lifeing. Yeah. And life is life in and I'm just here surviving. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. Taking things one day at a time, um, you know, dropping dead weight and moving on. Uh, you know, I feel that. I feel where you're coming from. Um, you know, so I'm here because we are taking care of our old folks. Uh, we had to I had to come and check on my folks um because they were having, I mean, some health things were happening. And um and I was like, well, I mean, I gotta come and you know, we gotta figure some things out because our parents are parenting in this old age. I mean, well, in this old age, and you know, they are giving they're trying to give us a run for our money, I would say. They have given me a run. Okay, I'm like, I've had enough. I'm gonna give y'all what I can, and then after that, it's just it's too much. Y'all call me if you need me. Yeah, just that, just that. Um, well, I went on vacation. Yeah, um, so I've been I was quiet for a little bit. I released our with my 100th episode and put that out, and then I went on vacation. When I did this outline, I forgot it was coming out in May. And okay, I was looking at this and I'm like, I don't know what are you talking about. It's okay. I have no clue. Just follow me. Uh, it's gonna be fine. Um, and I went to Puerto Villar then. It was fine, it was fantastic. Um, me and Paris and two of uh our friends, another married couple. Um, we went and we had ourselves a young yang yang dang doodle. Um it was hot and I scraped up my knee. I saw that, and I fell in I fell in the ocean and it drugged me up the the sand. Were you drunk? No, unfortunately. So that's no fine. I mean, well, here was the thing. It was hot as fuck. Um, I couldn't get my life to balance out because I went from it being like 70s to 65 in San Diego to it being 85 to 95 degrees in Mexico. That's a no for me. It was super humid. Um, and not it just being super humid, it was also um in the the Airbnb we stayed at had like an indoor-outdoor situation. So our room was completely enclosed, but when you went out into the um into like the kitchen and like the living area, it was like a little opened. Um, and it was like covered a little bit, so like you know, if it rained or anything, yeah. But um yeah, it was very intense. Yeah, I mean it was very intense. Sounds like a roller coaster of weather and atmosphere and yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if atmosphere is the right word, but you know, you get the diss. Yes, yeah, yeah. I do, I do. I mean, it was good, but I think we should tell people that you were drunk when you fell in scrape treating. I think that's more exciting. I mean, but what point is it gonna make if I was drunk? I was having such a great time. I walked into the ocean, the waves just crashed into me. Swapped me off my feet. Yeah, I just you know scraped up my kneecap, and I was like, let's have another shot. I mean, I definitely had I definitely had another drink, yeah, but I um I don't uh I wasn't drunk yet. That's the sad part because I was like I was barely I was barely sure that I was gonna drink that day, but I knew that I um wanted to have a drink, but I know what I want. Because you know, I don't really drink a lot of hard alcohol as of these days. Sometimes we've twisted up our way. What's your drink of choice these days? You know, I love a good glass of wine, and you know, I love some champagne, although I'm I've been doing very well without drinking a lot of champagne. Yeah, because the champagne will it's like beer, bitch. It's gonna give me the belly and all their love handles and hips, and I've been doing a good job with kind of working on getting rid of those. But no, I just feel like I will drink some tequila when I go out or you know, like last night we had some tequila. Yeah. And I will um drink some Hennessy when I'm chilling at home if I want to, but I've been, you know, trying not to drink as much during the week. Well, I haven't been drinking as much during the week and definitely not drinking hard alcohol during the week. Yeah, I mean, I just feel like I mean, you know me. I don't even keep alcohol here in the house. The only reason why we got it now is because she brought it. Okay. Um but it's wine. But it's wine. Um, but yeah, no, I told Smokery, and I'm just like, oh, like it has to have been a really hard day for me. Like, you know what? I'm gonna go get me a little vodka and a little something to sit on this couch and drink. Otherwise, I just be chilling. I will go give me some hot Cheetos, so my god or a little gummy worm, yeah, and deal with the stomach ache that I know is coming. Um, that's usually my stress release instead of a drink, just some food. I have not had um, I've been doing real good of skipping hot chips. I give myself one bag a month. Um, I haven't even I've been I used to the chips I bought today. I was like, this is my treat after that. I love salt and vinegar. The salt and vinegar kettle. You turn it into your daddy, mm-hmm. And then uh sandwich chips, well, you know, those are my favorite. Well, that's good, but that salt and vinegar, I can't rock with that. Um, but but yes, I that day I wasn't sure that I was really gonna drink. I was um I think I had just had a mimosa, and they all wanted me to get in the water. So I went to the water and it was hot. So I went in the water, wet my hat, put my hat on. So, you know, when the wind blew, it was cooling, and um then I was gonna go all the way in, go in some more. Baby, this wave came up and swooshed me down and then drugged me up the sand. I was and my whole knee was skinned for days, and I had to put a liquid band-aid on it so that because I was like, I'm getting in this water. Yeah, and then after that, I said, fuck this, I'm gonna get in this pool. And I didn't get back in. I think I got put my feet in once, but after that, I was like, nah, fuck all this. I'm not doing this because it's the ghetto. And every time I go to Mexico, the water fucks me up. Last time I got seasick, this time I done skin both my knees. I'm a good tree. You don't ever have to worry about me being in the water there again. No, thank you. Um, but yes, we had a good time. Um, we uh got on our flight, and uh we came home on the way back home. Um was a little crazy getting out of Mexico, but it was fine. We got delayed, got to Arizona, and I I don't know what it is about the Phoenix Arizona airport, but that shit drives me the fuck crazy. What's wrong with it? It just be it just be a lot going on, and it's always something delayed, always something wrong, always something happened. We pull up in Arizona, in Phoenix Airport, the fucking gate thing isn't working, and uh we had then we had to wait on the plane for an extra 40 minutes. So we definitely mixed missed our next flight. They rebook us on a new flight, and then they put us all in the front of the airplane. And if it's one thing I can't stand to sit in the front of the airplane. Why? I hate that shit. I get on my nerves. You want to be in the back? I don't want to be in the back. I like to be in the middle on the wing. That's fair, or in the exit row. Yeah, yeah. I hate it. It's like it's too up and down. They say the worst place to sit on the airplane is either the front or all the way in the back. Yes, I did that one time and I thought my stomach was gonna fall out of my hand. Yes, it's terrible. Yeah, it's terrible, but it was in the back. Um, towards the front though, I feel like I don't really feel much in the front, but that back I definitely sat like pretty close, like one of the last rolls before, and was like, oh no, this is the ghetto. It's the ghetto, and I will never do it again. Um, well, we uh and then we also did a taco tour while we were there, and uh they loved it. And I went uh and did the taco tour the first time when I went to Jasmine's wedding, actually. Yeah. Um the taco tour is fantastic. Um if you follow me on my personal all all art mediums on Instagram. I mean I do a little I've been doing my little um vacation content creating situation, creating little reels. Did you say that? I was about to say, I don't think I saw it. Why you follow me on Instagram? Right? I think so. Let's go chat. Don't play the music because anyway, why Martel's getting caught up? Um It was fun. I had a good time, loved Puerto Riata, loved to see it. Oh, one of the restaurants that you're gonna see in the clip it was this restaurant that overlooked uh the chapel or the the like the biggest like a big church. Was this taco part of the taco tour? Yes, honey, that taco was delicious, and all the tortillas were made fresh in front of you. Oh, it was delicious, everything was good. Um but the restaurant we went to was in front of a chap or in front of a church, and every couple of every 30 minutes they rang the bell on the at the top of the hour. I mean, it ended at like nine o'clock, but it was that was beautiful, and the view from it was beautiful. That was when we went to Joshua Tree, like right before. Okay, I think this is the last thing I saw. I sing now. Um, so setting your little life away. You know, I'll just be doing some things, and now and then after this, I'm going, uh, by the time this comes out or the weekend this comes out, I'm going to Vegas to see Mary J. Blige and Babyface. You know, it's gonna be a good time. Um, before we jump into this week's like topic, I do want to talk about a couple of things. Um, to start, do you know who Scott Evans is? No. So Scott Evans has a show on YouTube, uh, and he calls it the house guest. And he has a bunch of different interviews with a bunch of different celebrities. And And um he just recently had Mary J. Blige. And you know, and looking, and I was in, you know, and talking about Mary J. Blige and you know going to go see her this weekend. Um, I'm excited uh that you know, this is all gonna see this man, it all connects. Um, so she did an interview with her, and I think immediately growing up in the 90s, my first thought was and watching this, not realizing how New York Mary J. Blash was. She grew up in Yonkers, which is upstate New York, and um like she real New York with it. Like it just her accent, how she talks, everything. I never really realized, but you can you could definitely hear it in uh in her interview. Yeah, but I love it. Um one of the things which we were talking about was when what is her favorite things to cook that he asked her. Can you take a guess what it was? I mean, I know because I read this part of the notes, but I don't know. Is it chili? You don't have to pretend like you daddy. Oh, okay. It's stew chicken, stew chicken, yes, stew chicken, and she was like hamburger helper. And the first one she's Mary's favorite thing, exactly girl and hamburger helper. That is currently, and she was talking about, and he was like, Is it curry? And I was like, But you know what I thought immediately is that immediately I was like, everybody doesn't always just it's like gumbo, everybody don't cook it the same, they don't add the same ingredients, right? They don't do the same things that we do in our stewed chicken was a curry something, but also any most in different cultures they have different curries. Well, yeah, of course, but like yes, but it's it's foreign to us for him to think that because we know a stewed chicken is but okay, because it's also stewed chicken, because it's like stewed, yeah, so and curry is a stewed something, like a chicken curry is stewed chicken, yeah, except it's curry chicken. Okay, I don't know how we got the curry, yeah. I don't know how we got the curry, but that's I do understand, you know, that you know it's like yes, yeah, yeah. I just don't know how we I don't know how my first thought was stewed chicken, hamburger, helpy. Curry, like I don't know. Right, right. No, I don't know. I mean, in the context of it, he was just he was clarifying what stewed chicken was, and then the second one she said was hamburger helper. And so she started to explain, she was like, you know, get your graze your chicken, put a little flour on it so you thicken up, put your bell pepper, your onion, add your broth, make some rice extra fluffy with some Mexican corn. I said, Mary, just make but okay, the the corn also threw me. It threw me, it did throw me. It did throw me because I'm just like, okay, wait a minute. Betty, how did the corn the Mexican corn Mexican corn, right? But I I thought that I'm just like, okay, maybe her Mexican corn is a different Mexican corn that I'm picturing because I'm picturing Mexican corn with like the sauce, the sauce, and the cheese and the chili powder and the hot sauce, all of that. And Mary, if I have a part of your stew chicken and see that in my stew chicken. Next to it was Mexican corn. Oh, next to it. It's a side dish. Got it. Okay. I mean, I think if you don't like regular boiled butter corn, then it would make sense to find something that you can address up the corn. Okay. But why do we need the side? Shh, I mean, because I'll be good with just the rice. Yeah, the rice, and then the stew chicken has everything in it. It has your protein, your vegetables, you know, a little liquid. Uh-huh. You put a little rice. I mean, if you want to, you can put a little hot sauce on top or something. Yeah, yeah. Definitely a little cristal. Uh-huh. But I'm just again, I don't know how we got to a needing a side. And of all sides, Mexican corn. Mexican corn. But I'm not gonna knock it. It gave very like, I'm like, and I bet it's good. Oh, I'm sure it probably is. I bet it's delicious. Especially when she said the the rice fluffy, and I said, Yes, Queen, please fluff up that rice. You get that fork in there, you fluff that rice. Please do. Give me no stuck together. No, and then she said the hamburger helper, and she likes the uh beef stroganoff and the cheeseburger one, which brought me to what we were talking about earlier. When we were talking about our daycare person who used to make hamburger helper, and she always made the cheeseburger one, yes, and then you I know what else I thought about was your cousins who made hamburger, and they thought the meat's in the box. Why is there no meat in here? I'm like, girl, what happened to the meat? You gotta buy the meat, sister. And I specifically remember when we went home after that, after having it for the first time, and telling mommy and daddy that we had hamburger help for the first time, and they were like, You had what? And I remember her making that with corn. Really? I do. I remember that being with corn and salad all the time. I don't remember the other pasta with sat with corn and salad. I remember that. That one that I that pasta I remember. I think it probably because it was one of like my favorite things that she would make. Yeah, and so that's probably why it stuck with me. Um, but I mean, when I tell you, I was at the Walmart the other day. Um, it was after work, so Target was closed. Oh, yeah. I know, guys, I can't drop a Target. I'm sorry, I'm not stopping. Um, but that'll be one of the two. Yeah, I was at Walmart um because it was the only thing that was open, literally looking for that. And I was like, oh and then I picked up one, I was like, this don't seem like the right one. And then I walked around the corner, and there that right one was, and this is it. And she's making with that uh with some chicken nuggets, yeah, and corn. Wow, what a time! Yeah, daycare was a time. Um, I was gonna say something. Do you remember that salad dressing? That salad seasoning with the bacon bits in it? Did it have bacon bits in it? Well, it definitely was a salad seasoning, and maybe it did have bacon bits in it. I remember that salad. We would put bought that and we'll put it on everything. Everything, but it was by was it by Murray? Murray uh McCormick, McCarmick, it was by McCarmick. Yes, that salad seasoning. That was the best thing that had ever happened, and I remember it just we would buy it and buy it and buy it. You still can't find that shit to this day. What do you mean? Where do you find it at? I guarantee you can go find some of your parents' cabinet, please. Please stop a bottle in that cabinet right now. Oh my god. It might be from the early 2000s, but it's there. Disgusting. That's discolored, is what it is. Discover right, it's not even the right color anymore. Um, and one of the other things that you know she kind of talked about was I don't know if you're gonna remember this, but pick up your phone. Okay, do my Google and look up Mary J. Blige Crispy Chicken commercial. Um, while you looking at a uh one of the other funny scenes in this uh interview was they were sitting there talking and she had the mic five on her chest and she thought it was a bug. And when I tell you, she flew up out the and was like, what the fuck is that? Is it a burger king commercial? Uh-huh. Do you remember this commercial? It was in 2012. How old were you in 2012? I just graduated out of high school. So you was like 17, 18. And what was wrong with the commercial? Well, okay, so apparently it got a lot of backlash. She talked about how a lot of her friends had stopped talking to her. She lost friends over it. And all the things. Um, she was saying how she was blindsided by the version that was aired. Uh, they didn't her team didn't approve the final cut, and um, and then it wasn't reflective of the actual creative directive that I guess they had already planned. Um, and then the harmful stereotypes behind it about black people and chicken, and and then a black woman singing about fried chicken and all the things. And for me, my I just like was it really that deep? Like, well, I'm like, I need to like go out. Okay, whenever we take a break, I'm gonna go back and listen to the actual martial and then we're gonna revisit this conversation, okay. Because I would like to know if it's really this deep, or are people mad because she on TV singing about what we really love? I mean, I'm not a big fan of fried chicken, like me personally, but that's just me. Like, I can have a piece. I don't go crazy over fried chicken, right? But I mean, it's I I people love some fried chicken, and and they went and bought the burger or the sandwich. I'm like, uh, and what's the difference between her doing this what 20 plus I mean 10 plus years ago, and Meg just doing another flap with Popeyes? Yeah, uh is it because they like Popeyes more than they like uh Burger King? Yeah, that's a good question. Um and I also was like, okay, well, what would have made it better? Like, would it have been, you know, more black people in the commercial? Because I feel like that would have been pissed people off too. Like all these niggas up here at Burger King about this crispy chicken sandwich, right? And you know, that to me, I guess if we're talking about it, we'll perpetuate more of the sterility. Maybe the problem is that Burger King isn't a chicken place. Okay, I guess I'm just crying, I'm reaching for the stars. I mean, I mean, to me, I need to go watch the commercial, but right now it just sounds silly. It uh yeah, yes, and to me, like and you know, no shade, like this is her career, this is what she experienced, and I'm not gonna dismiss any of that. Yeah, not at all. But I think for me, the first thing when she said it, and what I think when I even went back to read and to look at what the you know backlash was, I was like, I can't believe it was that serious for people. Yeah, because I don't even remember, I specifically remember motherfuckers going to go by the crisp chicken. Hello, and doing it because Mary J. Blight. The Nickus was in line. Absolutely, like there was no way that they weren't, yeah. Um, and then and like she talked about just a lot of the backlash. She talked about how it's not funny, how you know people be uh always um bringing it up. Uh, I've heard some you know creators say like they've she's blocked them because they brought it up or like made it a joke. Um, I don't know if you remember the the guy on TikTok who makes the elf shows for Christmas. Oh he just did a parody of the Krispy Chicken commercial. Really? It's hilarious. I you know, I think it was great. You know, from to me, honestly, I think if I would have thought about it at the time, and I just feel like it was just a way for her to get her money. I mean, yeah, I'm like, I I gotta go watch it. I gotta watch it and we revisit. Okay. Um, one of the other things that I've watched, do you watch uh baby is Kiki Palmer? Her podcast. Why you don't watch uh Kiki Keepaja Palmer? Um, I I'm a creature of habit and I just I like certain things and I just like I'm not it's not I mean what is it? Is it a podcast? I mean, really, like I'm looking for a particular content in my podcasting, understood, which is at the top of the list is a nice, good, subtle Monday morning murder mystery. Someone's dead, missing, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is really what I'm seeking. It's my Monday morning ritual. I get up, have my coffee, you know. I can see that. Okay, so and so is dead. We're about to solve this case, and sometimes it's unsolved, right? Yeah, and then I'm left annoyed the rest of my Monday because it's not solved, and you're thinking about it all day. Yeah, and they've brought you into this whole situation. Exactly. Got it, I can see that. Um, I actually and I to be truthful, I didn't even know she had um a podcast, but I did watch her new show on Peacock, I enjoyed it. It was very good. Yeah, I I love Kiki. I just didn't know she had a podcast, and I don't know that I want to know what she taught me.

unknown 36:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

Well, uh Kiki Palmer had an episode with Nia Long. Okay. Um, and they talked a lot about uh Nia Long's um, you know, her career. You know, she was you've never you may have seen Boys in the Hood. Yeah, I've seen Boys in the Hood. You've definitely seen Love Jones, and you've definitely seen The Best Man and So Food.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Yes, I have.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

And uh I loved just their conversation, it was really good, and you know, I love Nia Long. Um, and Kiki just kept reciting different lines like in the middle of the uh in the middle of the I love that. I'm here you're not gonna cut off my leg, you know, because and see and break it too. I love Kiki. Yeah, don't get me wrong, I just have never listened to her podcast and I didn't know she had fun. But one thing about Kiki, she is going to deliver, she is going to deliver, and she is hilarious, yes, and she kept delivering my. This one's a good one. Uh, she just had Robin Thede on there. I haven't watched it yet, but that one I'm sure is good because Robin Thie sounds familiar. Uh, she's from um the uh black girl sketch show that was on HBO. I like that. I mean, let me look at her face. It was a good show with Quinta Brunson. I think she also made she was just in a movie that we were all watching. What were we watching? Anyway, um, she had she was had Nia Long, and it was so good. It was like they were on a FaceTime call and like they were just friends and they just were chatting about dating and uh Nia Long talking about her career and you know the time um the good times and like the 90s and growing up, and you know, it just made me think about like you know the 2010s were fun growing up, or the is it 2000s? The 2000s and the 2010s were fun growing up. This is a different person who I thought about. Um I don't think I watched the Black Lady Sketch Show. You probably did watch a few episodes. There was no way you couldn't have. Were you living here when it came out? The Black Lady Sketch Show? Yeah, no, ma'am. Um and she talked about like you know, hanging out in New York City and being in the club and dating men that she wasn't supposed to be dating, and it brought me back to thinking when I had my first boyfriend who was 20 something years old and I was 17. Who was talking about this? Rob talking? No, nialong. Oh, near along, gotcha, okay. And then um, you know, it's just it just makes you think bring into perspective, just you know, we are not alone. We all do silly shit. Like date older men, we shouldn't be dating. I mean, I feel like there is especially in, I mean, I think this is consistent for everybody, but in the gay community for sure, there is not one man that cannot tell me they ain't been with somebody who was either younger or better. Way over their daddy's age or some sort. I mean, I I think the oldest man I had sex with was like 62. Yeah, about yeah, yeah. And I mean, and I regret it that one. He was uh he was an old old old buzzard, he needed to do some clainting. Oh, my six-year-old was hot. I mean, I'm sure he was hot. I have had a hot 60-year-old, um, but the one that I'm talking about in particular, yeah, was not.

SPEAKER_01 40:30

Oh no.

Temptation Island And Relationship Tests

SPEAKER_00 40:31

And uh he had he had uh pictures on his profile that was not what he looks like was current, yes. And so when I saw him, I was like, you know what? I which is probably why I am the way I am today, but you know, being photo fish has happened enough times for me to be like, nope, I don't like it. This don't look like it's current. I'm like, this picture grainy. We got whatever mega pistols on these phones now. There is no excuse. Is this a screenshot? You don't know, right? Right, you don't want to eat up? No, because I don't believe this is you right now. It don't look like you. What you're doing right now, right? Give me a picture of right now. How much fuzz you got? Why this tattoo look like it's on this arm today, and it was on this yesterday? Yeah, that that right there. This is the same angle, but that bed sheet it's two different colors in each picture, exactly. It's it the triangles is on the left, and running this pictures is on the right. Exactly. What is we doing here? Exactly. Yeah, no, I feel that. Um, do you watch Temptation Island on Netflix? Is that that dating show six? Yes, no, oh my god, you're so anti-everything. I'm not anti, I just never got into it. Like, honestly, I I don't know. It just it's never interested me. Uh I think in a dating show, I'm looking for I love New York. Oh my god, flavor of love. Like that was prime TV dating show situation. T look T look tequila looking for love or whatever. Not okay, that comes that came out of the woodworks, yeah. Like that was just what she prime TV. And then uh I was here for what's that other dating show where they're in the rooms? Love is blind, love is blind. I watched the first season of that, and then they kept going, and I'm just like, okay, like yo, and it's it's not what it used to be. Exactly. They were like season 45, and I'm like, you guys could have stopped, yeah. No, um, and then I feel like love is what is it, Love Island? Uh Temptation Island. Oh, but Love Island is a different one. Oh god, okay. That one is like 32 episodes. I they film an episode a day a day, yeah. So I feel like that just popped up, and then Temptation Island. I didn't even know like really existed now because I probably thought they were the same thing until you just clarify that they're not. Yeah. Um, but like literally all I watch on television is Housewives, and then if I'm watching like a scripted series, it literally has to be like you know, a mystery's being solved. I mean, I can see like it just like I need a puzzle to put together, I need some twists and turns, you know. I just everything else, I'd be like, uh this is kind of mid. Like I'm not interested. Um yeah. Well, so love uh temptation island is really good. Um, I think the reason I like it so much is because um Because it's it's a good mix between the drama and like um therapy. So are they like looking for love or like so the premise is that they come to the temptation island because they are trying to make a decision on if the relationship that they're in is gonna be the relationship that they want to stay in. And um, these are the people who were on there this season. How many seasons has there? Two. Oh, that's not bad. Um so they're trying to decide if the person that they are with is who they want to stay with. And then, you know, so they come to this island. There's like, I think 13 or 15 boys and gals. Uh, each girl, I mean, the girls get their own villa, the boys get their own villa, and then obviously the boys go, the men that come go to the women's villa, and the girls that come go to the village. This is show where that clip went viral of that girl like crashing out last season on the beach. The beach joining. Um, I don't see if I can find it. Well, I mean, well, you find the file, and I'll tell you yes or no. Um, and so then by the end, and through each episode, uh the people that they bring are supposed to be uh tempting the either the guy or girl about you know pursuing a different relationship, talking about who they're currently with, and making decisions at the end if they're gonna leave with the partner they came with or go with the new partner early by themselves. Each episode, though, they have a bonfire, and each bonfire reveals maybe some things that's been going on in the house. And then, and that could be anything. Like this past season, one of the dudes cheated on his girlfriend, then she cheated on him, and then at the end they broke up. They also do this like tent that's like the temptation tent, and every time somebody goes into the temptation tent, the light in the other house lights up. So if the girl goes in there with a guy, the light in the guy's house lights up, and vice versa, if a guy goes in there with a girl, then the light at the girl's house lights up. And they lose money or something, right? No, it's not about money, it's all about your relationship and love. And then, so this season had these group of people, and for the most part, you know, uh Cheyenne and Jack, and Jack is they're we're supposed to be high school sweethearts, and they have been together there like 22, 23 now, and I think that's one of the other things that I um that I notice about these shows is that they're so young. And I mean, the expectations that they're gonna come in this show and fall in love at the end is a lot, and I'm like, even when it comes to love is blind, I'd be like, why y'all keep picking these young ass motherfuckers who clearly are not looking for relationships? Now, sometimes they you you know they throw in a 30, 40 year old, and you know, things happen, but as of late, they've just been fucking this all up. But anyway, um, who stuck out to me this season was of course Sydney and Mikey. Uh Sydney and Mikey had only who had seeming to be together since college. Um, and through the entire season, Mikey talked about how he was a hoe in college, and Sydney talked about how you know he cheated on her while they were in college, couldn't make a decision about who he wanted to be with, this, that, and the third, and it was a whole thing. But what kept bothering me was that Mikey would be in this camera crying his eyeballs out every five seconds, but in the next frame talking about how everything's so cool and how he's fine. I'm like, if you don't go get some emotional therapy, because this emotional roller coaster that you're putting us all on is too much. He was in thicker than a uh banana sticker, got up in here, got he got hips like a lady, and I mean he's a cute boy, but I just was like, this is too much. Listen, you too insecure and you too all over the place. I need you to reel at the fucking and that be the problem, okay? The insecurities, and it's like, you know, you can't be talking about how you was a hoe once upon a time, and you, you know, you walk into the room and you the party, and then you get here in this villa, and you got three best friends who are girls in this house, and uh we are all confused at what's happening here. And then he all heartbroken about Sydney because she finds her a fine a chocolate man, yeah, and he is fine with this pretty smile, tall. She done moved, she moved on and left his ass right there.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

That's right.

Curated Selves Versus Real Life

SPEAKER_00 49:21

And as she said, I mean, but it's a good show. I think you should watch it um and get into it. You know, the other couples were cool. I like Summit. Uh Summit is he I like his name. I think that's what it was. And Scarlet and Cole were an interesting couple too. Um I don't remember if they say together or not. But I definitely think you should get into it. You might give it a shot and see what's happening. It's not like your typical gay show. I mean show. It's not a gay show at all, but yeah. Um, well, we're gonna take a quick break and then we're gonna get into this uh topic for today. Okay. All right. Bye. Hey um, if you like what you heard, make sure you join the conversation. We always say to make sure to like, comment, and subscribe, and we definitely want you to do that. But also, we would love if you would join in with us. There's a link in the description where you can actually send us messages. You can also make sure to tag us on social media, put up your favorite clips of the show, and then tag us, and we will repost them on our stories. That is the best way to get in communic communication or community with us, and we would love to see y'all interact with the content. Anyway, thank you for following us and thank you for listening, and we'll see you back for the remainder of the show. Bye. And we are back. All right, so I will preface this by saying um this ep, what I put together is really just kind of a part two of the conversation I had when I had Ryan, she's Ryan on the show with Mike, um, with myself and Mike for the 100th episode. Um, and really what I have what I've called it here is like digital doppelgangers. But I don't like that word, right? Because it it makes me think of um Elena and I mean, literally, when you told me that's what we're talking about, I said, oh, people that look like each other, like digital AI, they look like they're making themselves look like each other because yeah, because they all had doppelgangers. Exactly, exactly. So that's not necessarily what I wanted to call it, but when I was creating the episode and putting it together and everything, that's just what kept coming keep come kept coming up. So we're gonna roll with it. But essentially, you know, what I wanted to just talk about was um how we are in real life versus how we present ourselves on social media or in different areas of our lives. And you know, that can show up in different ways, right? You know, like right now, I'm sitting here and you know, my my event pants, um how did they become your event pants? Because every time I have an event, I wear them and they're so comfy and they're easy for me to get around. And um, they're just comfortable when I, you know, have an event going on.

SPEAKER_01 54:08

Got it.

SPEAKER_00 54:08

Now, would I wear them like to like a speaking event? No, right, obviously. But when I'm at work and I can, you know, I have a bunch of shit going on, I have a bunch of walking to do, they're easy. Got it, got it, right? Um, and I know you don't like them, but you don't have to make me feel some way about that. I listen, I've been sitting up here complaining about how I'm looking east-west, okay. If you want to wear your uh event pants, I'm gonna sit up here and look east-west. And you know, we're gonna if y'all wondering what that means, that means I look wide, okay. This camera setting is giving wide, and he keeps saying that it ain't gonna look like that, and I don't believe him. So I want when he posts this, I want y'all to comment in the comment section, tell me if I look east-west, because I think I do. And he's on his event pants, and we just gonna keep pushing. Now, if these people start commenting east-west in the comments, that's okay. I want them to tell me, so then I can come back and tell you. We need a different camera angle. Well, so the other thing is the people don't know this, but I bought well, maybe they do, but anyway, I bought a whole new camera. Gotcha. I was gonna bring it, but but what had happened was I was like, my laptop is it's given last leg. And I didn't want to risk the deleting. No, I didn't want to risk having to download the the software for the camera onto my computer and then getting here and not working. Yeah. And um, and seeing as though we have we're using a different type of Wi-Fi, I was scared. I that would have scared me, and I'd have just been like, oh no, and now I'm behind. What's your different type of Wi-Fi? Well, because we're using a mobile hotspot to record right now. Oh, and you need some sort of Wi-Fi in order to make that camera work. And um, I probably would have shat myself if it wouldn't have worked. Don't do that in your event pants. Exactly. You wouldn't want to shat your event pants. Um anyway. So have you ever been on social media and scrolling through, you know, a nice hottie on the internet, and you're like, oh my god, this trip that they're on looks amazing. Oh my god, their outfits look amazing. Oh my god, that car is amazing. And then you meet them in person and you're like it's kind of like what we were just talking about, right? Like this, you know, this gay man is presenting himself as a 50-year-old gay man, but then you meet him in person and he's 75. Yeah. And he looks like different from the photos, right? And and then it's like, well, why do people feel the pressures of to do that? What is it not just talking about the gay community, but what is it in the world to make us feel like we need to be a certain way online versus then when we're a person. I mean I feel like that's what social media has become. It's like this thing where you put out it's it's a platform where people are conditioned to put out their best foot forward or what they consider their best foot forward to be. Yeah. And so they don't want people to see the cracks and the bruises, and you know, but I feel like, you know, I and I don't know if this just is people I follow. Um, but like I feel like I'm starting to see, well, I don't even know, because I'm like now that I'm about to say this out loud, I'm like, is this like a fad too? But I feel like I was about to say, like, I feel like people are trying to be like a little bit more truthful with who they are and like their situation in my way of saying that was because I feel like I follow up. I mean, I follow these people because they're hot, like that's how I landed here, because you don't have a type. Um, but with this, yeah, I'm setting myself up really big right now. Yeah, but I feel like I've been following a lot of people that are like sharing like their homeless content. Can we back up just for a second? Because I just want to get clear on sharing their homeless content, yeah. And I was like, oh, I was like, look at social media getting real, but then look at social media getting real. But I'm saying this out loud, and like, is this like a fat? Like, like I know there was one guy, I mean, he had like a situation going on, like people like stole his identity, and he was like homeless for a while. So like he was like filming like his content, like you know, being homeless. What then there's this other guy that I follow, and I started following him because he was cute, and you know, um, he posted like work content and working out, and I'm like, Oh, that's my type, but he's homeless and literally lives in the back of his truck. And I'm just like, I can't look away. Like, and I like I want you're engaged, yeah. I want him to like find a situation that works for him.

SPEAKER_01 59:43

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 59:44

Um, but he's hot, and like that's how I started following him because he's hot. And I feel like there was someone else that I was following because and like it started with me being like, Oh, these people are cute, and then I dive in, I'm like, Oh, they're homeless, and they're filming their homeless content. But now that I'm just like that, I'm speaking this out loud. I'm like, it's just like the new fad. Maybe we're not getting real. Maybe it's like they're created, they're making it a thing. Yeah, that's crazy. There's this guy that I was I scrolled upon on TikTok. He was living in his van, uh up by the Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah. And I guess he met a boy, and so now they creating their whole, they got a whole thing going on because they in a relationship homeless in a van. Should we go playing them? I mean, we're not car. I mean, we're not far. Um 45 minutes, tops are there, and I think you're right, maybe, yeah. I think I don't know. I mean, and it could, I mean, I think it's partially like some people really are going through stuff where they are ending up homeless for whatever case may be. And then I think like when you go to people that are like living in their van, like the for example, the guy that I'm talking about, like he's living in the back of a um, like uh, it's not like a van, it's like a truck, like not like a pickup truck, but like the one with the top over it, like a U-Haul truck. It's not a U-Haul truck. Yes, did he like redo it? No, like I have the like I'm sure you know Big Brother's always watching, so once I put up my phone, he's gonna like be the first thing there. But yeah, like it's like not a U-Haul truck, but it's like a U-Haul truck. So he's like literally in the back of a truck. But going back to the people that that are like in vans and they're like transforming like these old buses in vans, like I think that just kind of contributes like to you know, if you want to live like this minimalistic lifestyle, that wouldn't survive one hour, like no. A need for a walls, PJ, washer, dryer, hot water. Yeah, no. I mean, I could live in a nice den-up uh van or RV, you know. About maybe like 10 years ago to say you're full of shit. Um, but now I feel like you might be down for it. I don't know what you're trying to say. But yes, I've evolved, sure. Yeah, yeah. But I I I could do it. I this is coming from someone who didn't even stay for his camping trip in fifth grade. Who me? Yeah, yeah, I didn't stay. I wasn't I was in a tent though. I think that's why I'm forever traumatized by tens. But you could stay in a van. I could do a van in an RV. That's different. A van in an RV is also different. You're right. I mean, yeah, I could do an RV, I could do a van. I think for me, as long as I'm not on the ground and there's something surrounding me, I'm fine. The tip was gonna surround me. Girl, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Your daddy played the fuck out of me. He played the fuck out of me. He played the fuck out of me. And you know, I would have just preferred him tell me that I couldn't go. And just to be like, you know what, I don't recommend you going. How about you just stay because I don't think you're gonna like it. I would love to know where that tent is today. That tent is gone. That tent has been gone. Just to give context, I guess, now that we're talking about this, when I was in the fifth grade, we had cartels. No, it wasn't cartels, it was a different, it was anyway. It was some sort of campsite in Sacramento, and my class went camping, and I wanted to go. And so the day before I was supposed to leave, my dad finally took me shopping for all the stuff that I needed for camping, and he bought me a one-person tent. Which, by the way, I mean, I know I'm a fluffy boy, and I was fluffy, definitely fluffy then. And I had one person tent, and we were supposed to share tents. I don't think I knew that. Yes, people were like, oh, team up with somebody, share a tent. Yeah, you can do like two persons per tent. He bought me a one-person tent. I had all my shit in there. I had my gallons of water because I was a part of it, and I had um all my clothes, my sleeve, and stuff. And I think what really burnt my grits that day was the hiking. And some girl had damn near fainted, and like her foot had got swollen, and I think she just got dehydrated and everything. Um and I think just at night, I was just like, I can't do this. And so I packed up all my shit and some of theirs and left and got on out of there. I think you were home by eight o'clock. I was well, it was late by the time I got home. It was definitely dark. Um, yeah, and I don't even think I had to go to school for the rest of that week because every all the kids were grown. So it just was a mess. It was a hot ass mess. And yeah, so I don't think I could definitely do any type of tinting. I definitely don't think that's not bad though. I did it, I did it twice. I did the one, whatever early elementary one was, and your parents were so mad at me because I did not call them the cover there. We stayed in the cabin. Yes. Um, and then when we went in high school with serendipity, we did our camping trip. And did I have a tent? I think I was in my tent by myself. Yeah. Um, but I was fine, and they were mad at me then because I had to call them the whole time I was there. Yeah, but I think when we're talking about like your everyday life and like if you're living in a tent all day long, like in your life. Yeah. Like if I if this was my life, and you know, I'm like, I'm a content creator, I'm showing up on social media, and then but I'm creating content because I'm actually an outdoorsy person. Right. That's different. Yeah. But you know, then uh or and then, but then there's the person who is like, you know, I'm this way online, but real life I'm like homeless and living on the streets, yeah, and I don't have anywhere to stay. Yeah. And I think that's what we're talking about. It's like how, you know, it I do believe people are trying to create a specific type of what people see versus who they are in real life, and then um, you know, how they go about making that a thing online and like that curated version of themselves.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:01

Yeah.

Viral Performances And Lost Credibility

SPEAKER_00 1:07:02

Um, and I mean, I think many different things play into it. I think is you know, the wanting to be the person that you see on social media, wanting to be all the different influencers, and then you know, there's businesses that will back you financially for the show. I mean, I feel like at this point now, like I feel like social media was yes, it was a platform for people to go and present their best versions of what they felt themselves were. But now we're in this phase where now everyone wants to be influencers and um and they are trying to get the deals and the residuals that come with being a content creator, and so it's like, how do I make this go viral? Like, what about for the likes and the re uh what did they call it? What the kids do? The likes, the reposting, and um the whole situation. Like it's now we've gone from we already weren't showing our authentic selves. Most people, I'm not gonna say everybody, but most people they're like, you know, they're really not showing their authentic authentic selves, but now we're taking a step further. Now, what can I do to really stand out in the crowd for not showing my authentic self so that I can get the coin behind it on the back end? Right, which you bring up a great point because I was just watching a couple of days ago. Um, I was scrolling through the Instagram, and uh Cameron has a podcast show, and he had over had on this wrestler. And some people say it was fake, some people say it was real, but essentially it they were arguing back and forth. Cameron was up essentially saying some disrespectful shit to him, and next thing you know, homeboy is leaving, but then swoops pulls Cameron up out of his seat and toss him over and acts like he's hitting him or punching him. I don't know if it was real, I don't know if it was or not. All I'm thinking is, you know, I read the comments. Some was like, you know, this is clearly a skit, it's so funny. And I'm just like, if you really have some shit that you want to say, and if people want to just listen to your stuff, you don't need to do any of that. It's kind of like what we were talking about with Kiki Palmer. Kiki is funny, yeah, she's entertaining, she don't do nothing extra on her show that is not just herself, yes, and you know, and I think that I would just watch a show, like I would watch a episode of Cameron's podcast if or any person's podcast, if I'm just interested in knowing that person that person and what they have to say, and I think it starts to take away the credibility of the different creators out there, the different people that are creating and taking the time to curate what they're putting together and curating meaning, diving deeper into the topics, doing the research, getting the things that they want to get and putting it together in the way that they want you know their audience to come into it and and and build off of it. Yeah, it doesn't. I don't feel like it always needs to be this performative effort. Yeah, um I was very long, but it ended up me. I was on a soap off.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:13

It's okay, Dread.

Comparison Burnout And The Algorithm

SPEAKER_00 1:10:16

Why are oh okay, we haven't got there anyway. Um, and it yeah, and so I think at that point it's just like this self-expression, you know, it's a performance. Yeah, we're putting it on for um we're putting it on for media, and we're putting it on so for the viral virality of it all. Um the girls want to go viral. All the girls want to go viral. So when you're scrolling, and you know, when you are looking at different content and looking at different media people, what are you looking for exactly? This is like my I think I don't know. My feed is I don't okay, my I follow, you know, a lot of people I follow because I'm like attracted to them, right? So like that is you know how I wound up with a lot of people that I follow. So I either page is crazy, man. Or I um I either know you are think you're hot, or it's literally like housewife like content and like Bravo things. Um but when you step back and like really look at my feed, which is you're probably gonna find interesting, it's a lot of workout content. Because a lot of the guys you think are hot are working out. Well, no, because I'm trying to get myself to go to the gym. Got it. It's free uh coaching, but I haven't made it to the gym. Wow. Yes, a lot of like it's a lot of it is workout content. And like, or and I love a good day in the life vlog. Okay, um, so like you know, it's most of the things that pops up on my timeline though is either housewives related because I follow a lot of blogs about that, or it's literally like day in the life or workout content. Really? Yes, that's interesting. What is your so then your explore page must be like it's literally like mixed? Yeah, it's literally like if you go to my explore page right now, it it will I'm waiting for another Beyonce album, so Beyonce's on there. Oh, yeah. Ariana just dropped the thing for her new album, but and then there is men flexing, gay skits, and um yeah. I mean, that's interesting. So on mine, I have a good mix of both. I do follow some hotties, um, but I've noticed that my explorer pages big pecs and big men chest. Yeah. And ass. Okay. He has a type. I have a type. And then um on my Hello Cheese Mate, it's all business shit. So lots of ads about how to grow your podcast. S-E-L-P-S-O. Um sorry, a lot of artists, a lot of um different podcaster pop up, pops up, um a lot of uh pop culture shit news pops up, yeah. Um in housewives saying. So I think it's it's interesting, you know, because at that point, now we're talking about the algorithm. Right. And we're talking about what the algorithm knows that we like and what we see and what it's hearing us talk about and say, um and what we what we enjoy looking at.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:21

So thinking about all those things and kind of just knowing, you know, how you are on social media, what do you do ever question or kind of feel yourself in like a uh a depressive state seeing some of the things that you see on social media? Not real. Oh I think it depends. I would say not really. Um, do I find myself maybe sometimes comparing myself? Yes, but only to people who I actually know. And it's usually based off of where I'm at in my life and where these people that I've like gone to high school with and where they're at in their life. People I don't know, I do not care. Like they have no effect on me. I do not care. Like they're just there just to be there. Right. My comparison is literally to only people who I know. We probably went to high school together, where they're at, what they're doing in their life, and where I'm at in my life. It isn't a consistent thing, um, maybe like a monthly thing. I call it like my monthly man period, where I just, you know, a little down and out. What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Am I failing at life? This person's done this already, and I'm still here. And then I'm a gone. Yeah. I can see that. Um, I think it's been Mike. When we did the uh 100th episode, he mentioned he's like, he's I he's had to, he was like, I unfollowed a uh show that got uh I think it was about a award or something like that. He unfollowed the show. Um, you know, he's like, I've been doing this for hella long, and um, and I was like feeling some type of way, so I had to unfollow them.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:20

And and I felt that. Because I've definitely had my moments where I'm just watching other things, other people get like, you know, deals from their show, or you know, the the statistics say if you make it past 100 episodes, that's when you can monetize. And you know, if you uh most shows don't make it past 50 episodes, and if you get this deal, you gotta do this, you can do that to get this. And I'm just like, girl, I've been doing all these things. Right. Where's that? It's coming. Yeah, I mean, I believe that, but I'm also just like, you know, I think when we when you think about social media and um and also the um, there's a word that I want to use, the uh superficial part of it all. And you know, and you you realize also, even though brands and things like that reach out, it is also a part of it's a superficial part of it too, because some of them are doing it just for the looks, yeah. And they're doing it just to um have this person be on their own because they look that like the aesthetic of that what they're giving, it matches with their brand, which I understand too. Yeah, but I'm and it also gives the brand the recognition, it also gives the brand the recognition. I'm like it's like it's for example, prime example, it's like Coachella just passed, the amount of people that influencers that were there staying in these brand houses, yeah. Brands like are just giving away like all this stuff. Yeah. Like there's this one girl I follow. I freaking love her. Um I can't think of her name, but she always does like the uh property management content, and uh she does like the spoofs for Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and stuff, but I can't think of, but she was with um she stayed in the house for this blanket company and like everything had the blanket company's like name and logo and stuff on it, so it just like and of course, you know, they have to post videos advertising this stuff, so it just they're getting paid to advertise their thing, and they're getting paid on the back end because there's stuff's being advertised. Yeah, and I agree, and I think when it just comes to us constantly scrolling, constantly being on the apps, constantly just looking at everything, you know, it just starts. We start questioning ourselves, we start questioning what we're doing, what's happening around us, and then it leads to burnout. Um, and you know, I just that's why most of the time I just put my phone down. Um, I talk about the fact that I have talked about how, you know, I record this show, and once this show is recorded, I edit it, I put it up, and when the clips come out, that's it. I mean, I ain't paying attention. You know, I'll promote some clips here and there, I'll read the comments here and there, but I'm not responding to you none of y'all in these comments. I'm not I'm not going about with y'all. One of the clips that came out for um one of the Black History Month episodes, a couple of people were in there feeling some type of way about the content. What were they saying? I don't remember. I'll tell you uh when we're off when we take our break. But I'm like, girl, feel the way you feel, sister. Was it like people of color or uh were they saying like the information was like wrong? No, they didn't agree. They they didn't agree, um, because Fidaka was sharing an experience that she had um based on her being first generation Nigerian and being a Nigerian American uh or in America, um, and she was just sharing her her thoughts, and somebody was like, girl, whatever, like, or something like that. And you it and I just want to highlight the things that you said. She was sharing her experience, her thoughts on her experience. That's right. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, just wanted to clarify. Well, and and you so but you also make a good point because the other reason I'm not gonna be in these comments is because I know that I got hitters out there, and y'all will be in the comments for me. I mean, I just like I do not understand, like, and this just goes to like any conversations with anybody that I have. It's just like, how come people are not allowed to have an opinion, their opinion, and you just accept it for what it is and let it go and be done with it. Like, we can just agree to disagree and move on. Why does it need to be? Oh, I need to have a conversation and get you on my side to agree with me. Like, no, I don't agree. I'm fine with disagreeing to just to or whatever I just said, and let's just move forward. I agree with you. Um, and you know, I think those make the best conversations too, but I also think people people are in a in a space sometimes, especially when you have your podcast show, when you have your your platforms that you want to bring people in, it's like they feel like they have to get people on their side to agree with them in order to keep them. Why the hell do you care? That's not that's not what this is about. Yeah, I'm like, I don't give a completely missed the plot. I do not care. Um, well, we're gonna take a break and then we'll come back and we'll wrap up this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:00

Hello.

Boundaries That Protect Your Mind

What We Keep Offline And Closing

SPEAKER_00 1:22:07

If you've made it this far in this episode and you haven't subscribed yet, that's wild. Go ahead and hit that subscribe button on YouTube, follow us on Instagram, tap in everywhere, child, because apparently the algorithm only respects consistency and emotional damage. And to my professional doom scrollers out there, girl. Yes, I'm talking to you. If you can scroll for 47 minutes and not press the subscribe button, we can have a full conversation on how you need to go ahead and dedicate yourself to something, girl, because it sounds like you got some dedication issues. Help us beat the algorithm, girl. Like, comment, share, send it to your girlfriends, your your boyfriends, your lady friends, your day them friends, the ones who love the chit chat about all the tea but never really wanted to start that podcast because I want them in my comment box. Don't just watch the cheese made, join the cheese made girl. Subscribe, follow, and stay connected, honey. Cause we building something cute up over here, and we want you to be a part of it. Um, and we are back. We're back, we're back, we're back. Are we recording? I don't know. Are we is it on? Shout out to Maddie. Do you watch Fact Talk? What Fact Talk? What's up? With T.S. Madison and Craig the writer steward. No, girl, you need to get your life. I lose uh T.S. Madison interview I watched was the one with Terry Joe. Oh, did you like it? Yeah, this because Terry Joe's a hot mess, and then T.S. Madison is a is messing herself to be cracking me up. Her and Craig be acting a fool on that show. Carrying on. I watch, I will what sit my ass right on the couch and watch it for the full four hours. Four hours? Yes, they do a four-hour live, honey. I aspire because let me just tell you, I'm not sitting there and talking to y'all that long. No, it's enough. This two-hour show is enough. Hello, I'm ready for a snack as we speak. Um jumping back into our conversation. Um, one of the things that you know I did on the 100th episode as well, just was talking about like scenarios, right? So here's some real life scenarios. Uh posting something you're proud of, it doesn't perform well, and now you're second-guessing your creativity, which is the thing, right? You know, um, I think all people, all content creators and um, especially starting out, it becomes one of those things too where you're like, oh, I need to start paying attention to my numbers now. Whereas it's not suggested that you do so. You should give yourself some time, post your shit, be consistent, let the algorithm get to know you, and then see what happens. Uh, you see someone doing something similar to you, you to you blow up. Now you feel like you're behind, which we were kind of talking about that earlier, right? Um one second. Uh, and even when um you you know you have something happening, or you need to um you need to be a part of it, or you need to at least uh you want to say something about it, you want to engage with it, you want to be a part of it in some way, shape, or form. Um you spend more time watching other people create than actually creating yourself. So you are trying to um do what others are doing, but not creating the content for yourself or creating what you want for yourself and sharing like your own voice. Um, or you start changing your voice and your style in order to fit in with everybody else. And you know what I say to that? Do what's true to you. You know, I this show has been a slow growing show. Um, it's been doing its thing though, and I'm very happy about it. But I'm not trying to be like nobody, I'm not trying to do something like nobody, and I'm definitely not trying to fit in because I don't give a fuck about nobody but me and what I'm putting together. Um, and you know, when you think about it, kind of goes into what I was saying about, you know, monetizing and brand deals and things like that, and that's kind of how you find yourself into a um a habit of you know comparing, uh, you know, trying to be the folks that you see online in the internet, um, and really it's just all about being yourself. So I have a few final kind of like food for thought. Let's say that. Because I'm not gonna say tools, because I don't claim to know everything. And I just was like, I just want to, you know, talk about something and then give something that I hope helps. So um, one of the things would be create more than you consume. So if you're constantly scrolling, you're feeding your comparisons, um, flip it. You know, pour your more energy and creating your own content rather than consuming others. Um, just like I said, I put my phone down. Only time I'm really consuming content is if it's news that I need in order to produce the show or an episode. Uh be intentional with your time online, honey. Again, put that phone down. You don't have to be on social media all day to be relevant. Um, I know this to be a fact. Although, with this whole live era, the girlies are online, the girlies are online. Live and I am struggling with the whole live era. You know, I don't necessarily want to be live all the time like that, but my consultants say otherwise. Schedule your content and then log off and give your mind and space to breathe. Your mind some space to breathe. Uh check your intentions. So before you post, ask yourself, is this mean? Before you create it, be like, is this what I want on social media? You know, do I want to bust it wide open from the back on a Tuesday? Or am I really just trying to show a good ease sex position? Um, set boundaries without guilt. So you don't owe the internet. Um, you don't the internet does not always have to have access to you. You see Beyonce, she comes and she leaves. And she don't tell y'all nothing. She put it in the music, she goes about her business. Uh, redefine what success means. If you don't define success for yourself, the algorithm will do it for you. And here's what I say about the algorithm. You know, I'm not gonna always talk shit about the algorithm because right now it's doing fine for me. It can't work in your face. Sometimes it does try you, it does come for you, girl. But it's not the algorithm, it's just that you gotta be, you have to find your own consistency. And I think that's what it boils down to. Uh, allow yourself to evolve, uh, so you're not meant to stay the same. Give yourself permission to grow, even if it doesn't match what people expect from you, which I think is uh it speaks for itself. And then lastly, choose connection over performance. So views come and go, but real connections, those ones last, honey. And focus on building something meaningful, not just visible. You know, we the reason we love the content that we love is because the people be changing it up, trying new things, and um, you know, they just be out here doing what they want to do, and I think that's kind of the mode I fall into when I'm creating this show. I do what I want with it, and I've tried many different things, I'm going to continue to do many different things with it, and um, you know, I think it just what it boils down to is to stay consistent with what it is that um stay consistent with a goal in mind and going with that, and then if you feel like you want to change things up, do that. It's never bad to pivot. Um, so any last thoughts? I don't know what I can think of. Um well what's been your favorite part of this trip with me being here with you? I got a trash can in my apartment. Um if you guys don't know, I've lived in this apartment for a year and I have had three pieces of furniture, a TV stand, a couch, and a bed. I'm busy. Um a starving college student, and so I just have not had the time to, you know, really sit and work with something to decorate this apartment. Um Denajana Jenkins showed up, and I got a trash can in my kitchen. He judged my Trader Joe's bags that I was using. Um, I got a nice lovely uh table over here. You can't see it, but maybe if the camera adjusts is this way. No, it's not on the auto adjust anymore. Oh it's not on auto adjust anymore. He turned it off, so you won't see the table. Um, I got some extra wine glasses. Yeah. But aside from all the materialistic things, the Kiki that we normally have over the phone for hours, we're having it has been in person, it's consistent, it's continuous laughs and a good time. And you know how to act, truly, and we truly just don't know how to act. It starts in the morning as soon as we wake up and it goes until I tell him that I'm going to bed because he's not ready to go to bed, but he will be asleep before I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but he's not ready to go to bed though. No, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm tired.

unknown 1:32:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:51

Um, well, thank you for joining me again on another episode of the show. Thanks for having me. Um, I hope you all got something from this episode. Um, you know, it what it boils down to is be yourself online, be yourself in when you're in person, um, and whatever that means to you. Because truthfully, y'all gonna do what the fuck y'all want to do anyway. Amen. Um, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll catch you next time on another episode.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:24

Bye.