Parenting Shrink Wrapped
Parenting Shrink Wrapped is your all-access pass to the wild and wonderful journey of raising kids! Hosted by Dr. Melissa Wellner, a double board-certified psychiatrist and child and adolescent psychiatrist, and Samantha Straub, a licensed therapist, educator, and parenting coach, this dynamic duo brings a perfect mix of professional expertise and mom humor. With five kids between them—and thousands more they’ve supported in their professional roles—they’re here to share practical strategies and real-life stories that will help you navigate everything from tantrums to teen drama. Whether you're handling sleepless nights or the chaos of carpool, you'll find relatable advice and a good laugh along the way. Strap in, because parenting is a ride, and we're here to make it a little smoother!
Parenting Shrink Wrapped
When Drinking Stops Feeling Like a Choice: Understanding Gray Area Drinking
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Do you have to hit rock bottom before you're allowed to question your relationship with alcohol?
Absolutely not.
In this episode of Parenting Shrink Wrapped, Sam Straub and Dr. Melissa Wellner sit down with gray area drinking coach, Maureen Benkovich, for a shame-free conversation about the space between casual drinking and alcohol dependency.
Maureen shares her personal story of how alcohol gradually became intertwined with socializing, infertility, depression, stress, and her identity. From the outside, she was successful, active, and functioning. On the inside, alcohol was taking up more and more mental space.
The conversation explores why drinking less isn't simply about willpower. Maureen breaks down how alcohol affects brain chemistry and explains how our brains can learn to associate drinking with relaxation, reward, celebration, socializing, and stress relief.
She also walks Sam and Melissa through her 4R Method: Recognize, Replace, Rewire, and Renew, a framework designed to help people understand the role alcohol is playing in their lives and begin building healthier patterns.
In This Episode:
- What "gray area drinking" means
- Signs alcohol may no longer be serving you
- Why alcohol can become a coping mechanism
- How alcohol affects dopamine, stress, anxiety, and sleep
- Why drinking less isn't simply about willpower
About Maureen
Maureen Benkovich is a gray area drinking coach, keynote speaker, host of the Sober Fit Life podcast, and former pharmaceutical sales representative, personal trainer, and competitive figure athlete. Drawing from both her personal experience and science-backed coaching approach, Maureen helps high-achieving adults change their relationship with alcohol without shame, labels, or waiting for rock bottom.
Through her signature 4R Method: Recognize, Replace, Rewire, and Renew, she helps clients build new coping strategies and create sustainable change.
Connect With Maureen
Visit SoberFitChick.com to learn more about Maureen, take her "Am I Drinking Too Much?" quiz, explore her coaching programs, and find the Sober Fit Life podcast.
And be sure to listen to Maureen's episode featuring Sam and Melissa, where they continue the conversation by exploring the messages parents may inadvertently send their kids through their own drinking habits.
Contact: parentingshrinkwrapped@gmail.com
Watch on YouTube: Subscribe to Parenting Shrink Wrapped for the latest episodes.
Follow:
Sam – Instagram & Facebook
Melissa – Facebook
Work with Us:
Sam – Teen Savvy Coaching
Melissa – Annapolis Psychiatry
Save your spot in the next FREE Teen Savvy Parenting Masterclass.
Free Parenting Resource: Learn the L.O.V.E.D. framework for handling tricky convos.
Listen & Review: Follow on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
This podcast is educational in nature and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental-health care.
You can only make long-lasting habit change through positive emotion. Any of your habit books, you know, seven highly effective habits, highly effective people, it has to be through positive emotion, right? So you've got to recognize, okay, I do have willpower in my life. I get up every morning, I feed my kids, I send them to school, I go to work, I get dressed, I work out. You're using willpower all day long. So it's not that you don't have willpower. It's that this is a drug. So this is the first thing. And when I finally got this through my head, alcohol is a drug.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to Parenting Shrink Rap, where two mental health professionals will get real with you about the joys and the challenges of raising children and teens. I'm your co-host, Dr. Melissa Wellner, a double board certified psychiatrist, and child and adolescent psychiatrist, and mom of three.
SPEAKER_02And I'm Samantha Straub, licensed clinical counselor, longtime educator, parenting coach, and mother of two. Together, we'll explore all things parenting, from handling monumental meltdowns to first-time drivers. We're all about giving you practical strategies that work. Parenting Shrinkwrapped is more than just advice. You'll sit in with us for compassionate conversations about the complexities and the absurdities of parenting. We're here to support you and your kiddos.
SPEAKER_01So grab your cup of coffee, take a deep breath, buckle up, and join us for this journey called Parenthood. We'll laugh, learn, and commiserate about the joys and messiness of raising kids. But I think it's we're recording this, and it we recently passed a 4th of July holiday. Um, so this is dropping a little bit later than what just passed. But um Sam and I both live in the Annapolis area, and our guest does too. And this area has a big culture rooted in boating, but what goes along with boating and sailing is drinking. Um, it shouldn't, but it does. Yeah. It doesn't. Like that you're not supposed to operate a vehicle under the influence. I feel like a boat and even a sailboat falls under that same category, but there is a culture in this area um that we live in that a lot of things, uh, events and activities all involve alcohol and drinking. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I was stunned by that when I moved here. Stunned. I I grew up outside of Boston, and it could also be just the phase of life I was in. So I don't want to say that I totally know what I'm talking about here, but um I grew up outside of Boston, moved to Pennsylvania or Philly area for college, lived in the greater Philadelphia area for a while, moved to central Pennsylvania, so like but right by Penn State for seven years, and then moved here for work. And when we moved here, I was like good, I was stunned by the amount of drinking there was, particularly while you were parenting. Like now, granted, I remember going over to my friend's house when our kids were little, and like she was out back on a blanket with her little one, and my kid, my our toddlers were wandering around, and I was like, Do you have a beer? I want a beer. Like, like, you know, like it was like the goal, the gist was not to go drink, but it was just like hanging with my friend. So it's not, I'm not criminalizing this behavior, the fact that sometimes it, you know, it's nice to have a have a drink with a friend, but I couldn't believe the amount of drinking while you were supposed to be on duty as a parent here. And um, whether that's riding in a boat, whether that's supervising Halloween, that was the where I saw it first, or attending a kid's sporting event events.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, sporting events, Sam. I mean, I'm at flag football games and people are drinking alcohol, the bleachers of uh at a high school, like a local public high school for like a rec league of flag football.
SPEAKER_02Yep, any excuse. Right. So there's a there's a thing here, and I don't know if that's the case in other areas of the country. And if you're listening and you live in an area of the country where this isn't happening, let us know, or it is. But we're talking today with an expert in this area, um, and I don't mean geographic area, although she is. Um Maureen Bankovich is uh a gray area drinking coach, and what that means is this is not, she's not waiting for you to hit rock bottom. This is, we're gonna talk today about that messy middle where drinking may have a hold on you and you may kind of know it instinctively or know it explicitly but not want to face it. And how do you move forward from that? And and Maureen works with clients in that department because she's lived that. She's done it her, she's made the transformation herself. So she's a gray era drinking coach, a keynote speaker, the host of the Sober Fit Life podcast, where Melissa and I just had the pleasure of being guests, and we may reference the episode during today's conversation because our talk was really about messaging kids get inadvertently from uh parent behavior, but we're gonna actually talk today about parent stuff, like what's going on inside of you, inside of your brain, inside of your heart, when or if drinking kind of takes over in a negative way. Um, Maureen helps high-achieving adults change their relationship with alcohol. No labels, no rock bottom required. She's a former pharmaceutical sales representative with Eli Lilly, a personal trainer and a competitive figure athlete. She brings a uniquely science-backed, shame-free approach to one of the most overlooked wellness conversations happening today, which is around alcohol. She works with both men and women through her signature for our method recognize, replace, rewire, and renew. She's a publisher published author of two co-authored books. She's a sought-after voice on gray area drinking, alcohol-free living, and the hidden ways stress and unhealthy coping show up in our everyday lives. Maureen Bankovich, thank you so much for being a guest on Parenting Drink Wrap. We cannot wait for this conversation.
SPEAKER_00Hi, Sam and Melissa. It's so good to see you again. And thank you for having me on your podcast. I'm excited to be here.
SPEAKER_02Well, we are we're looking forward to this conversation because I the role that substance use substances play in in our life, of course, it varies person to person. But um, you know, as someone who sees teenagers a lot, like I see the effect that having unresolved issues around substance use, you know, play out for kids. That's that's the work that I do. Now you do the work on the adult side. You're working with parents with the unresolved stuff.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_02So talk a little bit about your coaching practice, about your story, about how you got into this line of work. Let our audience get to know you.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Um, I'll probably start with my lived experience, um, which I think is really important so people understand where I'm coming from. Um, like most people, I started drinking in high school. Um, and then in college, it increased, you know, a little bit more, and there were some bingey weekends. Um, then I became a pharmaceutical sales rep, and alcohol transitioned to like this is what sophisticated working adults do. Not to mention, I was constantly entertaining doctors, always alcohol involved. So it was very woven, you know, throughout my young life. Well, just when I was learning how to socialize, and then even networking in business, and then moving into marriage, uh, you know, again, moving here on the water, all of a sudden there was just alcohol everywhere. And it was like, this is great, you know. That's what I thought. And uh and uh mostly on the water. So it's funny, you know, Melissa, that you started out with saying boating and and alcohol go together, because that's this subconscious condition belief that is prevalent here, you know. And just like people say, alcohol and football games go together, you know, and alcohol and skiing go together, right? It's just been a conditioned thing. But we when you break it down, you're like, wait a minute, do they really go together? But but let me get back to so um the important thing is so I'm moving along in my what I would call drinking career, like like most people normally, um, and usually I shy away from that word. But what happened is early in my marriage, we started to struggle with infertility, and um, I'm having miscarriage after miscarriage, and then even a failed adoption while my friends were all growing their families. And it was such a you know, a blow. I didn't know how to deal with it. It was in the 90s, there wasn't a lot of support for it. And unknowingly, I leaned into drinking. Um, when we would go to parties and everybody, what do parents talk about? Whatever stage of life their kids are in, what do all the moms talk about? Kids, right? Of course, that's what you're gonna talk about. And I felt like, you know, I I didn't know how to hang in there after the first hour half hour of conversation. So I'd be like, you know, another martini, please. What I didn't realize, and what most people don't realize, is that when you connect stress or trauma or sadness to a drug, which alcohol is a drug, um, there's a link in the brain, right? There's a neural pathway, we'll call it, or an association that gets created. Because let's face it, when you first drink alcohol, it is a relief. It is a central nervous system depression depressant. So if you're feeling anxious or stressed out, or you don't know how you're gonna deal with this situation, you drink, you do feel that immediate downregulation. And your brain goes, Oh, okay, that felt good. However, and we'll get into the chemical nature, what happens on drink two, three, and four, um, you are creating a pattern where you do not know how to deal with stress uh or any coping situation without alcohol. And the brain learns those behaviors and dopamine, the next time that happens, dopamine gets dripped even before you pour a drink. So the next party I went to where all the parents started talking about, you know, having their kids first day at school, pictures, Christmas, I was like, I gotta have a drink before I even had it. And I didn't realize the chemical reaction that was going on and the neural pathway that was getting deeper and wider and stronger.
SPEAKER_02I've definitely experienced that. Like where I think about like an event I'm going to, and I think, gosh, I'm looking forward to the glass of wine that will be at the table when I have like I've absolutely experienced that. I'm sure that's pre pre-event dopamine.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. We don't realize it is this is when you start to realize how much this is brain chemistry, and the reason why I like to help people realize that is because then you can start to make informed choices. We take away the discussion around alcohol, like, well, you don't have enough willpower, you don't have enough self-control, right? That's not really what's happening. This is a chemical thing, it's a drug, and your brain has to respond a certain way in the presence of a drug because it's always trying to maintain homeostasis or balance, right? So we'll get into that a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, sorry, I'd hijacked that. So you were you were you were at parties, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I'm at parties, and I'm really leaning into the party girl identity. I want my friends to know, hey, I'm fine. I'm the chick you hang out with when you get a babysitter, right? And people knew when they went out with Maureen Bankovich, you were gonna party, right? And I really leaned into that identity until it started to catch up to me. And after a big drinking weekend, a bingy weekend, I would feel terrible on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Um, very depressed, very down, anxious. Um, but I could hide because I didn't have kids, right? I could hide and nobody really knew. And then by Thursday, I'm starting to feel better and around here. Weekends start on Thursdays, and uh, and then I'd experience something called fading effect bias, where I'm like, eh, you know, it wasn't that bad. Uh, I probably just uh was having, you know, um, you know, wasn't feeling well or something like that. Maybe it was dairy, couldn't have been the alcohol, right? It was like everything else but but that. And I would do my normal fitness thing, I call it the detox-retox cycle. I would, you know, get toxified on the weekends with all this alcohol, and then I'd like on the week not drink and work out and quote unquote sweat it out, which is a myth, and drink my green juices, and think I was taking care of the damage that was happening, but I didn't realize how much of a chemical reaction of a cycle of a mental health issue it was becoming, you know, not to mention all the physiological things. So that kept ramping up and getting worse. And by the time I was in my 50s, I I started to, you know, really think about this. I'm like, I can't go on like this. This is this is horrible. What is going on? And my pharmaceutical background, I started researching, you know, alcohol-induced anxiety, alcohol-induced depression. And there is tons of information if you're looking for it, right? Normally you might not be searching that. Most people are searching things like, do I have a problem? Am I an alcoholic? But I was going deeper into the science, and sure enough, it all comes down to brain chemistry. And so when I started really thinking about that, like, do I want to keep doing this to myself? I actually have control over what's happening, over my mental health. You know, I was taking antidepressants and I I do an um episode on this on my podcast. People were drinking and they're like, Well, I'll take antidepressants. I feel bad, and I don't want to give up my alcohol, so I'll take antidepressants. Well, they don't work as well when you're drinking because the body always has to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01They compete for the same metabolic pathways in the liver.
SPEAKER_00That's right. So, you know, it's just like people taking prilosec so they can eat more, you know, heavy, fat-laden foods. We're in this culture where it's like, let me take a pill, let me have a drink, let me do this to feel better or to cope. So I was like many people, struggling, but then I sought a way out and I knew that the 12-step, and I'm I'm not knocking it, it's great for a lot of people, but I was never going to go there because I was on paper. You know, I have a business, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a fitness person, even a professional at one time, or not a profession, but semi-pro. And, you know, I don't look like someone who's struggling with drinking. But at two and three in the morning, I'm waking up and I'm anxious and I'm beating myself up and I'm in this shame cycle and it's exhausting and it's taken up a lot of mental real estate in my life. So when I heard about coaching, which made a lot of sense to me as a personal trainer, I'm a coach, right? Like, oh, coaching, let me understand what's going on. And once I started to understand, it was like two months into my coaching, I'm like, I don't want to do this to myself anymore. And and then it was about unwinding all those neural pathways that I talked about that we created since I was 14, right? I had to start pulling them up to the surface and start looking at the cognitive dissonance. You know, I don't want to drink, but I do want to drink, you know, and let me work through that. So that's a that's very my story in a nutshell. You know, I tied it to depression unknowingly, and I kept drinking when I felt depressed and it was making it worse. And then starting to understand and doing the research is what helped me say, do I want to continue to do this? What does my future self-living look like if I continue to go down this road? So that is that is kind of how I got to where I am. So once I went through coaching, I'm like, I want to do this. I want to help people understand we do have a choice. This is a drug, it is addictive. Addiction doesn't look like what we've been taught, right? Um, you know, you're on a corner with a brown bag, you've lost everything. No, addiction could be like, you can't go more than two, three nights without feeling like, man, I really want to have a drink. Or a month. I would take months off at a time. I do those contests, those figure contests, and I wouldn't drink. And then like the night of the contest, I'd be like, yeah, let's go drink in my stage makeup and everything, because I didn't do the inner work while I was taking the break from alcohol. So that's what I help people do now is take a break from drinking and also go through the process of learning the truth about alcohol.
SPEAKER_01So, Maureen, you mentioned earlier.
SPEAKER_02You go, Melissa. I'm I'm I'm reveling in what she just said. You're you have an actual question.
SPEAKER_01You got I do have a question for her. Um Sam kind of mentioned it, and then I know this is kind of the method you use, this this 4R method for people to kind of give them a framework in your coaching work for how to like change this relationship. Like you personally went through it, and now you're coaching others to get through it. Can you tell our listeners a little bit more about this 4R method and what it how it really helps people kind of walk this, walk through this?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So a lot of times we're drinking for years and we're unaware. We don't feel bad about it. You know, uh we're we're going along, it's not bothering us, you know. Those are not the people I'm speaking to. I'm speaking to the people that start to become aware. And the awareness phase can often be the most painful phase where you're like, I'm drinking too much, but I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to say anything because I don't know what people will think. They'll think I have a problem, right? And and so there's this lot of inner turmoil. Now that can go on for years, the awareness phase. So you have to recognize, right? Recognize all the ways in which you've been using alcohol. And this is why I say change your relationship with alcohol, because it has become a relationship. And when we recognize all the roles, like, yeah, when I'm bored, when I need to be comforted, um, I've literally had clients say, it's my friend. A lot of people who are single and alone in the evening, it feels like a friend. Um, how do I connect with people? Right? We think we've been taught or conditioned that helps us connect, but it doesn't really. Uh, but that's what we believe. And then if you have any sort of social anxiety, let me pre-game and have some drinks before I go, because then I'll be looser, right? Or how do I network? How do I entertain? How do I celebrate? How do I vacation? Right? I could go on and on and on because it's become so woven in all the fabric. So recognizing what I do with clients is we start to bring up all the reasons why you drink. Make a list without judgment, just write it all down. It'll probably take you days when you start to realize. And then we want to learn how to replace, because it's not enough to remove alcohol. If you just remove the substance that you've been using for all these jobs, you've unknowingly given it. If you don't learn how to replace with healthy, supportive systems or you know, mechanisms for your central nervous system or coping or celebration, if you don't learn how to replace, you will go back to your default. Yeah, your brain will call you back. And then that's where the rewiring comes in, right? So you are now creating new neural pathways. The only way you can do this, you can know intellectually that drinking is not serving you anymore. The only way you can make these new neural pathways is to go through the discomfort of let's take the example going out on a boating afternoon with a bunch of friends and you're not drinking. You will feel uncomfortable, right? But I help you prepare. We bring your non-alcoholic drinks, you've made sure you've had your protein hydration. Maybe you've reached out to your coach or a friend. You're like, hey, I'm not going to drink on this boat. And maybe I want to text you when I'm feeling it's a little tough. So it's an afternoon. You also don't make it like an overnight thing, right? You do a small thing first and you experience it. You get off the boat, you're like, oh, okay, I did that. And that's what creates the new neural pathway. You taught your brain you could do something hard, you could do something different, and then you have to renew. That's the fourth R, right? We consistently make the new choices of alcohol free, um, you know, or drinking less. I work with people who also want to, you know, explore that first because it's a process. Rarely do people come to me and go, like, I don't want to drink anymore. Some people do, but some people are like, I want to know how to drink less. So we go, we go through that process. But either case, you go through these four R's and renew is about renewing the relationship with your body, you know, with your mental health, with your sleep, and you rewire constantly and build this new neural pathway of alcohol-free or drinking less living.
SPEAKER_02Speaking of neural pathways, and you've mentioned the brain and brain chemistry a lot already. Um, are there things about that that our listeners need to know? Like, are there other pieces that you haven't shared? Because um, I find, first of all, under commonplace knowledge or commonplace information about how the brain works is so much more accessible now than it was even 10 years ago, which I think is awesome. Um and I don't know, it can sound highfalutin, like like we're not supposed to sorry, my ear pods just gave out. Um okay.
SPEAKER_00Yep.
SPEAKER_02Okay. Um it can sound highfalutin, but the um, but can you talk a little bit about the the chemistry behind this and while I put in new headphones?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and one of my signature talks is it's not your fault, it's chemistry why it's so darn hard to drink less. Because if you keep defaulting to what's wrong with me, I don't have enough willpower, then you're gonna be in negative emotion failure, right? And we never make positive transformative change through negative emotion. We can only make long lasting habit change through positive emotion. Any of your habit books, you know, seven highly effective habits, highly effective people, it has to be through positive emotion, right? So you've got to recognize okay, I do have willpower in my life. I get up every morning, I feed my kids, I send them to school. School, I go to work, I get dressed, I work out. You're using willpower all day long. So it's not that you don't have willpower, it's that this is a drug. So this is the first thing. And when I finally got this through my head, alcohol is a drug. The industry lobbied a long time ago to get this saying, drugs and alcohol. So you would feel like drugs are really bad. Alcohol, it's illegal, right? So it can't be that bad. But it's a drug. And here's the thing: your brain doesn't care. Your brain doesn't care if it's Dom Perion or red striped beer, right? As soon as you drink it, it's ethanol. That's what it is. And so when it goes into your body, your body goes on red alert. It's like, I got to get rid of this toxin. Everything else that's going on right now, liver, stop metabolizing medications, right? That we talked about. Don't absorb those nutrients from that healthy meal that you're drinking that wine with. We have got to convert this alcohol and get it out of the system. And it converts it to the next one is acetylhaldide. I can never say that correctly, but it's a more toxic substance. Your liver actually has to convert alcohol to a more toxic substance. Remember, that's touching all your cells in your liver, in order to get rid of it. And then the other thing that's happening in the brain, and this is this is the really interesting part, is so you get that massive hit and that central nervous system, ah, that we all want from the first drink. You don't recognize it, but you're looking for down regulation. That is the term. You're looking to calm, to relax, to stress. Alcohol is the fastest thing. That's the truth, right? So when I ask people, why do you drink? They say I want to relax, it is the fastest thing. This is true. However, you can never get that same initial high from the first drink because what happens is you get this massive hit of dopamine. Alcohol is also a stimulant and a depressant at the same time. So you get a hit of dopamine and your body goes, Whoa, that's way too much dopamine, right? So we've got to bring her back down. So we're going to release something called dinorphin, which is a peptide, which is actually a natural depressant in the brain, going to bring you back down. Also, it's going to counter the depressant effects with adrenaline and cortisol. What are those? Stress hormones. Why are you drinking? To relieve stress. But what's happened now in your body is you've released your own chemicals from your own chemical storehouse: adrenaline, cortisol, dinorphine. Your body does not prioritize getting rid of those house chemicals, right? So they stay up in your system for about 10 days. Now, this is just one drinking episode. So if you drink all weekend, compound this cycle. You've got a lot of those chemicals because your body's going to prioritize getting rid of the external substance of alcohol. And I'm just talking about dopamine. It affects GABA, it affects glutamate, but we'll talk about dopamine because everybody uses that buzzword. Dopamine, what it does is, yes, it has some feel-good quality, but also it motivates you. It's the learning molecule. So you just learned I feel stressed out or I just put the kids to bed. I need a reward. I deserve this. This is very common with my mom clients. I deserve this. And so they have a drink, maybe a bottle, which happens over time because drinking alcohol is progressive. It creates a desire for itself. And it's this constant chemical battle that's going on in your brain. You start to come down from that initial glass of wine, your brain says, drip some dopamine, do that again. Because you're trying to catch that high, but you never do because you keep coming down. That's why at the end of the night, you see somebody at the end of the bar or husband and wife are getting in a fight because of this chemical reaction that is going on. Commercials never show the end of the night of people drinking, right? They only show happy, successful, fit, beautiful people drinking on a boat, having a great time. They don't show what happens at the end of the night. Yeah. And so, and also even sleep, if you're drinking by yourself and you think I need this to sleep, you are fragmenting your sleep. It is sedation, it is not rest and relaxation, and you can't go through the cycles that the brain has to go through in sleep. So, this chemical reaction that happens, that's the neural pathways. It gets deeper, wider, stronger. You make all these associations. So we have to start taking look at, okay, let's look at that belief that after I put the kids to bed, I get to have my time, me time, self-care. This is what we do in coaching. Let's think about that. What now that you've learned about alcohol, is it really self-care? What have we learned that's true? Well, it's a drug, it's addictive, causes this chemical response, affects my mental health negatively, and I end up fighting with my husband and I don't sleep well. Okay, so we're just when you put it that way, right?
SPEAKER_01Doesn't sound much like self-care.
SPEAKER_00So we remove the judgment. We're just looking at what we know to be the truth about alcohol and their own life situation, right? They're just looking at it, and and then what else could you do for self-care at the end of the night when you put your kids to bed? Because no doubt you deserve a reward. It's exhausting. But what could you do that is truly self-care and truly supports your body? Could it be a bath with magnesium? That would also relax you, right? You could you have a nice cup of lemon balm tea, has relaxant quality in it. You can go through the ritual of making a nice mocktail. A lot of times it's the ritual, it's not so much the drink, but you have to go through the experience several times to realize, like, oh, and guess what? You wake up the next day. I have never had a client wake up and go, man, I wish I drank last night. Right. They wake up and say, I feel so much better. Oh my gosh, I put my kids to bed. And you know, God forbid something happened in the middle of the night. I was able to respond to it, right? I wasn't groggy, I didn't feel guilty about drinking, and I felt good. I went to my workout, right? That's you have to go through the experience to teach your brain how to really take care of itself. So that's just like one little chemical thing, but very much so with women, they're low on GABA. So GABA is our relaxation, our break neurotransmitter. And a lot of people are low on GABA. So what else can you do to stimulate that? Well, we talked a little bit about sleep hygiene, right? If you start creating a much better sleep routine, which happens with your morning routine, they relate to each other. Yeah, right. So there's all kinds of things you can start doing. Early morning sunlight without your sunglasses for 10, 15 minutes. You're not looking directly in the sun, but you're getting exposure. It's behind your eye. What happens is it helps with your circadian rhythms, your cortisol, right? It's a better way to start your day. Then you can have your coffee. Women usually don't get enough protein. We want to take a look at how much protein are you having throughout the day? Hydration, electrolytes. These things sound so simple, but they really make a difference. And then what can you do to get your ruminating thoughts out of your head? Well, you can go see Sam and Melissa, right? But you could also do the journaling that they recommend, even like gratitude, you know, the science of gratitude. All these things chemically affect your brain positively. So instead of going for the quick fix of alcohol, taking a moment to say, what do I really need right now? And you can go through that halt exercise. Am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Right? That's a big umbrella. Uh, angry could be frustrated, you know, lonely, all those kind of things. We you know that emotional wheel that I'm sure you show everybody. But go through that checklist. What do I really need right now? Most women I find are like, man, I actually haven't eaten in hours. Right. And if you start drinking, you're not going to eat, right? So it's these kind of things. It's awareness and then knowing that this chemical reaction, you can interrupt it and you can do other things to change your emotional and physiological state, which is what we're looking for when we drink. We're looking to change our physiological state rapidly. There are other ways, it's just being willing to pause the power in the pause, try something new, notice it, and then repeat that. So that's it in a nutshell as far as the chemistry.
SPEAKER_02That's um well, first of all, thank you for sharing that with us in a way that was simplified, that was easy to follow. You know, like that that really did feel like a nutshell. And second, um I think there's some bravery associated with taking that step that you described, right? For sure. Like being able to say, you know what, I'm gonna try something new that I've never that I haven't gone through before, right? I think there's some bravery associated with that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, a lot of people are very afraid to not drink. They don't know what it's gonna feel like. Like I said, I was drinking since I was 14. I had to relearn how to socialize without alcohol. I was afraid. I had been the party girl. That was my identity. Talk about changing your identity. That was very scary for me. But I knew I had to.
SPEAKER_02What were things that you had to like? What were some of the is it okay if I asked that? What were some of the road bumps that the the bumps that you had to travel over personally to make sure that your decision stuck?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because there were many stops and starts. There were many times when I'm like, that's it, I'm not drinking ever again, right? And I didn't do any of the things we're talking about here. I didn't recognize, rewire, replace, or renew. I just made a declaration and tried straight up willpower. Um, instead, I had to share with important people in my life and say, listen, I I don't want to drink for a time period. I'm not saying never. I'm just saying right now I know that I need to make a change and I need your support. I don't need you to not drink, right? And you're not the person responsible for this, but this is my choice. But I do need your support. And then I would highly recommend there's lots of information out there. It's called quit lit or quit literature. I mean, there are so many books now, and it started about 15 years ago in the UK. Sober Curious was one of the first books. Um, there's so many about gray area drinking. And when you read other people's journeys, people who look like me and you on paper don't look like you're struggling with drinking, but internally you know it's no longer serving you. When you see that in other stories, it really helps you. So read the quitlet, listen to the podcast. I have sober fit life. Um, you are again, that is chemical. You are putting in your brain new information. We are inundated with messages about alcohol and that it goes with everything, right? And so putting something else in your brain makes a huge difference. And then you have to start thinking about all the ways in which alcohol is deeply ingrained in your life. So when I first started, I didn't go to a lot of the big parties at first. I wasn't ready for that. But two weeks into not drinking, my best friend's daughter was getting married. I'm like, I'm not missing that, no matter what. I'm going to go through the discomfort of going to a wedding, which was like unbelievable to me before to even consider going to something like that without drinking. I'm going to go, but I'm going to have a plan. Because if you fail to plan, you plan to fail, right? You don't just go when you're trying not to drink and say, I'll figure it out when I'm there. No, you have a plan. Right. I told my husband, I said, I want to go. When it starts feeling hard after they, you know, cut the cake. Maybe we'll leave. Um, I'm going to make sure I ate before I went to the wedding. Even though there's lots of food there, I had protein in my system and I was hydrated. I made sure to order a mocktail, you know, have something in my hand. People don't care what's in your glass. And trust me, after they've got two or three, they don't know. They don't know. Right. It's all internal, right? So you, it's this inner monologue. And so be curious when you're, I was like, wow, nobody really does care what's in my glass, you know. And um, and if somebody asks me like, why aren't you drinking? I'm like, ah, you know, I just I've taken a break from it. In this day and age with sober Octobers and dry Januaries, you know, and coaches like me out there, it's people don't push back. Now, if they do, because it's probably going to be your drinking buddy that pushes back. That you that's another thing we we work through in coaching. It is not about you. It is not about you. If your friend you've been drinking with is like, what? Are you kidding me? Come on, you're being too hard on yourself. Have a drink.
SPEAKER_02They're missing their their get out of jail free card. They're missing their person who makes this who condones the behavior.
SPEAKER_00That's right. That's right. They are thinking about them, and I don't mean to put them down. When I when I had a friend who told me she wasn't drinking and I was still drinking, I was like, What? I was the worst. Like, I'd be like, Well, I'm gonna go drink over here, okay? You know, so I went through it on both sides. It has nothing to do with you, it's because they're struggling with their own drinking on some level, and they're gonna lose their drinking buddy they're afraid of. So they're gonna try to convince you to drink. But most people are like, they're gonna think I'm not any fun. That is not true. It had as soon as you say you're taking a break, they no longer hear you. It's like Charlie Brown. Wow, wow, wow. Right? They're just now they've got their internal monologue. You're holding up a mirror, they're looking at themselves. So, to again, for you to go through that discomfort of sharing with your friends. So I did tell certain friends individually, like before a party, I would text and be like, Listen, I just want you to know I'm not drinking, we need to bring my own alcohol-free drink, instead of having that interaction at the party and maybe experiencing pressure. So letting people know. You have to pre-plan and then also know when it's time to leave. So you're gonna know what you're gonna say when you enter an event, a party, a wedding, a dinner, know what you're gonna order, know when you're gonna leave, right? And I tell we have all kinds of tactics a buddy, a plan, an escape, all kinds of things. And it you have to get past that inner critic that says, you know, this is ridiculous that you have to put so much thought into it. Think about how much thought you put into drinking, right? You start thinking about drinking at three, you get the drink, you wonder if you should have one, two, or three. Afterwards, why did I drink so much? Beat yourself up, I won't do it again, right? There's so much thinking. And that's that's the biggest thing people start to notice when they take a structured, pretty good quality break. They're like, wow, I didn't realize how much I was thinking about drinking.
SPEAKER_02And I imagine if you have uh created a life where drinking plays a central role, you've also cultivated a social group that that um is maybe a little bit of an echo chamber, you know, that endorses that behavior. So that when you when you decide I'm gonna take a different path for myself, um leaning on a coach can be dramatically helpful because that person is there for you. They are not out there, they're not socializing with you. Um it doesn't have the same kind of flavorous therapy because it's really a solution focused. It's like, okay, this is the thing you want to accomplish. Let's do that together. Um I just can imagine how a coach could be very, very effective in helping you um be a cheerleader, a thought provoker, a you know, a plan creator, like all sort of the the sort of a co-pilot in this change. Yes, because you might lack people who could serve that role in your personal life.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01And if you need a coach, we're talking to a wonderful one right now. Maureen, can you tell our listeners how they can reach out to you and what you do offer on the coaching side of things?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I have several offers and options because this is a process, as I said. You start thinking about it and you explore it. So I have a quiz to start with called Am I Drinking Too Much? Because when I was looking for quizzes, the only things that were out there were like, Am I an alcoholic? Right? A label. And and so I came up with real world questions and real world answers. Like, you know, do you find yourself saying, I'll just have one, and you end up drinking the whole bottle? And the answers I try to make them humorous, but also true. And you can kind of see where you're you are drinking more than you want, it's no longer serving you, right? So you don't need to say I have a problem, it's just no longer serving you. And that's enough of a reason to look into a change. So if you take the quiz, you also get a guide to gray area drinking, understanding it. And also there's some science-backed strategies and how to stop some of those cravings, like I talked about here, because you're looking for a change in your physiological state. And then if you want to go a little bit further, I have for my fellow binge drinkers, because that's what I used to do on the weekends, uh, drink less by Monday. It's a mini course. So you get some coaching videos with me and a checklist and a workbook. Kind of dip your toe into the coaching world and see what it's like and experience going into a Monday feeling much better than you have, right? And then I have the six-week reset, which is a group coaching, and and that's really great. Actually, people they think they're gonna be nervous on the calls, and they tell me afterwards when I ask for evaluations. That's one of their favorite parts. Right. Because you see other people like you, you know, I have had doctors and lawyers, all kinds of people, and they're realizing, like, oh, okay, other people are struggling with this too.
SPEAKER_02I that's my favorite part of group coaching of any sort. You you you learn when you are when you're a participant, you learn things you didn't know you needed needed to learn or weren't, or and you feel validated by the stories of others. Right.
SPEAKER_01And I love the idea that there's not a right, there's not a look here.
SPEAKER_00Like yeah, people from all over, all over the world I coach, which is really pretty cool. Um, but I but I will say I have had this experience that uh I had a group one time that was like 70% local and 30% from other states. And two of those people reached out to me individually and they're like, I don't think I could live in your town when they heard all the stories about our town. Now, you know the the motto here is what is it? We're a drinking town with a sailing problem. I mean, that is what it says on t-shirts and glasses downtown. So it's legit. We're not we're not overemphasizing it, people. But it's really uh the so the six week, why do I pick six weeks? Because that gives you enough time to start to feel some of the changes, like, oh, I am sleeping better. Oh, I'm not snapping at my kids. I'm less irritable. I am having better workouts, my gut is feeling better. So that's enough time. And then some people want to continue with me and they want to work a little bit deeper, and that's the one-on-one coaching. And that is where I see the most transformation of long-lasting habit change. So I have all different kinds of options, you know, because it's a process.
SPEAKER_02And you can find Maureen at soberfitchick.com. Soberfitchick, because she is.
SPEAKER_01And we'll make sure that's in this the show notes for everyone.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, it's such a I enjoy talking about this because I like helping people understand. Oh, I can change. This is a decision I can make and it's a process. I lot do lots of other hard things in my life. I can do this. And actually, on the other side of alcohol, you will be surprised at the benefits.
SPEAKER_02If you have liked this conversation, you can reach out to Maureen at soberfitchick.com or on social media also soberfitchick LLC. Um, and Maureen, this has been a double pleasure. Um, having you here to talk about the parental experience and then being a guest on your podcast. And by the way, parents, if you're listening to this, check that episode out. Melissa and I had the had the you know fortune to spend 45 minutes talking about messaging we inadvertently give to our kids when based on our drinking habits and how to change that messaging. So if you want to hear that, it's a real nice compliment to this conversation that we just had. As always, we will sign off by thanking you, Maureen, and also thanking our listeners. We love you, we love your kids. Keep raising the next generation of world changers, and we will see you in the next episode.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_02Thanks for joining us on this wild ride called Parenthood here at Parenting Shrinkwrapped. We hope today's episode gave you some useful tools and maybe even a few laughs to help you navigate the twists and turns of raising teens and kids.
SPEAKER_01Remember, parenting is a journey, not a destination. And no matter where you are on the road, we're to help you stay on course. Whether it's monumental meltdowns, teenage turmoil, or just the everyday chaos, you don't have to travel this path alone.
SPEAKER_02So until next time, keep your seatbelt fastened, your sense of humor intact, and your eyes on the road. We'll be back soon with more compassionate conversations and practical strategies to support you and your family.
SPEAKER_01Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting Shrink Rraft wherever you get your podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you've enjoyed today's show, we'd love it if you'd leave us a review and share it with a friend.
SPEAKER_02If you have suggestions for topics you'd like to see us cover in the future, feel free to send us an email at parentings at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_01Until we meet again, take care and enjoy the ride.