Parenting Shrink Wrapped
Parenting Shrink Wrapped is your all-access pass to the wild and wonderful journey of raising kids! Hosted by Dr. Melissa Wellner, a double board-certified psychiatrist and child and adolescent psychiatrist, and Samantha Straub, a licensed therapist, educator, and parenting coach, this dynamic duo brings a perfect mix of professional expertise and mom humor. With five kids between them—and thousands more they’ve supported in their professional roles—they’re here to share practical strategies and real-life stories that will help you navigate everything from tantrums to teen drama. Whether you're handling sleepless nights or the chaos of carpool, you'll find relatable advice and a good laugh along the way. Strap in, because parenting is a ride, and we're here to make it a little smoother!
Parenting Shrink Wrapped
Analog Childhoods, AI Parents, and the Tech Middle Ground
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Parents are being encouraged to give their kids an analog childhood while relying more and more on AI, smartphones, and technology in their own daily lives. Is that hypocrisy, or simply the reality of raising kids in the middle of a massive technology experiment?
In this episode of Parenting Shrink Wrapped, Sam and Melissa unpack the pressure, guilt, and judgment surrounding screen time and explore a more realistic middle ground. They talk about how online parenting trends can make technology choices seem more extreme than they really are, why too much input may be part of the problem for both overwhelmed parents and developing teen brains, and why warm parenting still requires clear and consistent limits.
They also share practical ways to create values- and skills-based tech boundaries, build more boredom, focus, and face-to-face connection into family life, and recognize that teens may still need technology to maintain meaningful social relationships. The conversation also explores where AI might fit into family life, the questions parents should ask before using it, and why kids deserve a voice in the digital footprint adults create for them.
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I feel like AI is the thing right now. That's the thing to tune into. And I was like, well, what does that mean for families? And you know, we're hearing about kids talking to AI to get advice, and we are doing that as parents. And all I know that you're A, but AI is trained, and so do they really give you advice. I know my chat GPT, every time I put an eck an idea for something, they're like, Sam, you were that's the most brilliant idea you've had yet.
SPEAKER_01You know? Well, that's nice for your reward system. It's a nice little dopamine hit for sure. Yeah. So like Welcome to Parenting Shrinkraft, where two mental health professionals will get real with you about the joys and the challenges of raising children and teens. I'm your co-host, Dr. Melissa Wellner, a double board certified psychiatrist, and child adolescent psychiatrist, and mom of three.
SPEAKER_03And I'm Samantha Straub, licensed clinical counselor, longtime educator, parenting coach, and mother of two. Together, we'll explore all things parenting. From handling monumental meltdowns to first-time drivers. We're all about giving you practical strategies that work. Parenting Shrinkwrapped is more than just advice. You'll sit in with us for compassionate conversations about the complexities and the absurdities of parenting. We're here to support you and your kiddos.
SPEAKER_01So grab your cup of coffee, take a deep breath, buckle up, and join us for this journey called Parenthood. We'll laugh, learn, and commiserate about the joys and messiness of raising kids.
SPEAKER_03Sam here with Melissa. And Melissa, I have a question for you. What's up, Sam? Have you noticed this trend where parents are kind of totally eschewing the iPad, like throwing it into the ocean, and then using AI to do everything. Schedule their kids, write lunchbox notes, you know, like get my kid off tech. But but then they're using AI themselves.
SPEAKER_01For sure. And they're both sides, no matter what side you fall on, is convinced that somehow they are ruining their childhood experience for their kids. Um and either one is wrong.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so we're gonna be talking today about the the rise of the analog childhood movement, which is basically what it sounds like. It's like get your kids off tech. And um what do you think?
SPEAKER_01I think it sounds great until your child is having a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store because you won't give them your cell phone and you're in like a hostage situation in the like canned food aisle. Right.
SPEAKER_03So so let's talk like a sane, balanced approach to tech access, AI that uh that works for overstimulated families and um because we're all living in this social experiment. I was thinking, I was just on a walk this morning and I was listening to a business book, and it was about like one of the things that the writer said was pay attention to like these moments or these trends, these things you hear about that feel ridiculous, or like it couldn't possibly be something to pay attention to, or like you kind of don't want to pay attention to it because it's inconvenient, but people keep talking about it. And my head kept going this morning to AI, AI, AI, and like AI and kids, AI and families. Like I was like, this is this is the topic. So I'm glad we're talking about it because I feel like um it's so relevant right now.
SPEAKER_01And I think that adults struggle with, kids are struggling with as a parent. You have to try to strike this like perfect balance. So there's these trends exploding online about analog parenting, low-tech childhoods. People are posting like no phone summers, screen-free weekends, like delaying giving a smartphone. Here, we're gonna go back to having a landline. All of which I'm like, I like I'm they all sound great. Yes, they all sound great. But on the flip side, you have a parent that is using AI to plan a trip, plan a vacation, meal plan, um, looking everything under the sun up, their emotional support, looking up mental health on AI and on search engines. So we want less tech for our kids, but as a parent, I'm on my phone relying on it more. That's a little contradictory.
SPEAKER_03Um Yeah, I mean, I can see it because what we know about what tech does to the to the brain, you know, it's like dopaminergic and kids' brains are more plastic than us. And but my God, like I feel like I use AI a fair amount for to generate ideas business-wise. I use it to help with like some social media captions, you know. I um I use it a fair amount. And I feel like I'm getting a little like brain mushy when it comes to being able to be creative for yourself. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Like as a parent, there's this split happening, right? Online. So you're burned out by a screen, but you're also becoming completely dependent on them.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And and we worry about that for our kids, right? We need to protect our kids from technology while yeah, while while we are, while we ourselves are getting more and more immersed in it. And I j and I furthermore, I talk a lot about like what I think the key like problem is that our society faces. If if someone ever asks me, if I'm ever on a panel and someone says, what do you think the chief issue facing adolescents are right now, or facing families right now? My answer is always the same. Too much input. That's what I say.
SPEAKER_01Well, and it's overwhelming, right? As a parent, you're really overwhelmed. You're trying to do everything right. There's this AI that can give you all the information under the sun. Um, it's at the tip of your fingertips all the time because we're all walking around with a smartphone in our pocket. Um, so it's very overwhelming. And kids then feel that if you're an overwhelmed parent. So are we against the technology or are we just against the chaos and overwhelmed feeling uh that is being produced by access to so much information?
SPEAKER_03Gosh, that's an awesome question. And and I'm I'm definitely against the chaos and overwhelmed feeling. I don't know how I don't know if it's avoidable because of what how the technology is, which is so not, it doesn't cater to how we are wired as humans. We can only, we only have so much brain capacity to go around. So when I think when I hear this analog childhood or let's like reduce tech, again, there's a ton of research to support why doing this is good. And I didn't have that research when my kids were little. So they had, I mean, I knew enough to not like park my kids in front of the television or screens. I like I knew that that was tempting because what better babysitter, but but but I knew enough to not do that, but I didn't know enough to not give my kids phones in sixth grade, you know, and then face the consequences that anyway.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but so now we're trying to reduce screen time in a society and a culture that has been built around screens, we're all walking around with computers in our pockets, um, very high-powered computers for that matter, um, because we want the emotional social connection with our kids. Um, but there's so much judgment out there, Sam. So, like if you do need to park your kid in front of the TV because that's the only way dinner's gonna get made, there's guilt that sometimes comes with that. Because it's like, oh, you're using the TV as a babysitter. Yes.
SPEAKER_03And and absolutely, like I remember um sending my kids over to other people's houses to play. And if I heard that they spent the whole afternoon watching TV at someone else's house, I'm like, really? That's what you wanted to do? Like, no, I didn't think that's what you wanted to do. I think really a parent let a parent had a guest over and let that happen, because if that was my house, I wouldn't have. And that's so I'm I'm confessing to that judgment that you're that you're saying. Like, I absolutely remember that.
SPEAKER_01But every parenting choice now is even more public than that. Because that might have been going on internally, but everything's out there on social now, right? So it's on Instagram, it's on Facebook, it's being posted that so-and-so had a play date, and there's a picture of your kid with another kid playing a video game.
SPEAKER_02Right. Right.
SPEAKER_03So judgment becomes public. Well, and I guess that's another reason to that people are like, let's let's promote this analog childhood thing because we as adults, and also we know that kids feel this too. Access to social media, access to info online, access to info, not just like knowledge online, but info about peers. It promotes comparison consult culture, and it makes us feel like our life is nothing but a performance. And we know, I mean, I that sucks as an adult to feel like that, but uh kids like they're not equipped to handle that. They they're supposed to be able to like when kids hit adolescence. One of the things actually kids hit third grade about their comparison splip, switch splips a little bit. Like they start to be able to do that more, social comparison.
SPEAKER_01That's like that sets in around eight per right, like that's about when we And that's also when like academics take a big shift and increase. So there's all these things happening in like the middle of elementary school, yeah, um all at once. And in with access to screens. That's what I was gonna say. Yes. There were kids in my kids' third grade classes that already had smartphones, Sam.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I feel like as a therapist, I see uh particularly I I see that in split households, like when kids are bopping between households and each parent wants to be able to access the child directly. Oftentimes those and I I get that, yeah, totally get that. Um, often those kids might have access to screens like their own device earlier because because the family wants to facilitate it, and they're like, okay, well, that's a trade-off. All right, so I guess what we say judgment. Yes. Yes. So we've got I get the reason for analog, the push for analog child. I totally get it. And I do think screen remoderation, screen reduction, I'm all for it. And training the brain to be bored, training the brain to be to be to like to be okay with less input, less stimulation. That's necessary. And I want to respect the society we grow up in.
SPEAKER_01So does it have to be an extreme, Sam? Like, and I think that's the point here is that um what you often see online on socials are extremes. Things that are kind of like trending often become these extreme ideas, like, you know, oh, that family is like living completely off-grid like 19th century versus like all my kid does is watch YouTube Shorts.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Right. Right. And it's not, and it's not like that, you know. And that's the thing, if if we're living in a society where we're getting these little sound bites of what um what it like with instructions for how to do do life right, um, we we can't capture the nuance. So when we're talking about the nuance of access to screens, I do think it's worth worrying about the the access our kids get. I do think it's worth limiting screens. I do worry about, I told you AI was on my brain this morning. I I was thinking of it like um like what are the benefits and what are the risks? And one of the, again, this book I was listening to, it said, like, if it sounds stupid to you, if it sounds outrageous, if it sounds almost illegal, and then then, but people are talking about it. Tune into that thing. And and the the author talked about like um the introduction of social media as a marketing strategy, the introduction of the automobile instead of the horse. Um, you know, the like things that were and that some people laughed at, like this is this, of course, oh, the the introduction of the internet in the 90s, like of course this isn't gonna take over, and people are like, like, this is folks are never gonna go to this. iTunes versus versus going to um Tower Records and picking up your your vinyl or your C.
SPEAKER_01And even by like smoke, like you walk into like Best Buy and there's like no music available to actually just purchase any, right?
SPEAKER_03So so in my mind, I feel like AI is the thing right now. That's a thing to tune into. And I was like, well, what does that mean for families? And you know, we're hearing about kids talking to AI to get advice, and we are doing that as parents, and all I know that you're a but AI is trained, and so do they really give you advice. I know my chat GPT, every time I put an eck an idea for something, they're like, Sam, you were that's the most brilliant idea you've had yet.
SPEAKER_01You know? Well, that's nice for your reward system. It's a nice little dopamine hit for sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So like can we train AI to be um to give the kind of feedback we want? Is it is it useful for kids to be going to AI for I don't know. Those were these were thoughts on my mind, and I don't know the answer to them.
SPEAKER_01Um and I don't think any parent or anybody has all of the answers. Um, and this isn't a conversation about whether like AI is good or bad. Um it's what do we do with it? And how do we incorporate it as parents and you know, the first educators to our kids?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right. Um so I think it's it's really difficult um because there's so much information overload out there. And when we have we've spoken about parenting styles how many times on this show and there's all the different It was our very our very first episode with parenting styles.
SPEAKER_03But let me reiterate, right? We've got authoritarian, which is the because I said so, permissive, which is because you said so, right? Which is like if you really want to, okay. And authoritative is is where that's the sweet spot of parenting.
SPEAKER_01But like if you go on social media and look up parenting trends, like you're gonna find a lot more than what you just said, Sam.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you might find you might find analog childhood, you might find um gentle parenting. I am I'm not for gentle parenting, by the way. I I like I know people gentle parenting is kind of like I don't know, I feel like it's giving too much control and power to the kid, although I recognize that the ethos behind gentle parenting is um dignify the kid's existence, treat them like a regular human being. Um, but I actually don't think kids I think they're equal in terms of their value on the planet. Every human has the same value, but I think in households, parents have more power and they should. And gentle parenting doesn't catch that second one for me.
SPEAKER_01I think there still needs to be boundaries. Like, I think that you can take a warm gentle approach. So, like, I don't you don't want to be like overly like because I said so. Um, but I I think kids do need boundaries, and there are limits, and I think it's important to teach your kid limits because in society there's limits, like there's laws, there's rules, like you can't, everything isn't just a free-for-all of like what I want in this moment.
SPEAKER_03And when we're talking tech exposure, kids' brains are no match for tech. Right? So, so we can't be parenting in a way that's like just just allows them to let their inner intuition guide guide what feels okay, right? So we need to be cultivating what what what they're exposed to in certain ways. In some ways, like I think of that like a Montessori classroom. You know, Montessori does actually give a lot of guidance to the student, but the Montessori educator creates a very curated environment. Yeah so the kid gets lots of choice, but it's choice within a like Montessori-based environment. There's still a boundary. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Like there's still the opportunity for the educator to say no. Or curated in the environment, there's a stop someplace.
SPEAKER_03Yes, in the environment. Like there's there are certain non-options. Yeah, yeah. So when it comes to tech, I think we need to be thinking about that, which is like are we creating, are we curating the tech environment for our kids? Are we are we a are we not allowing in certain options we know are are outside the bounds of our values or outside of what our kid can handle, right? Um and I'm not saying gentle parenting doesn't cover that, but it's just not endless.
SPEAKER_01It's not endless. There there just needs to be consistency. Yes. And there does need to be limits at some point.
SPEAKER_03Um I do want to bring up the opposite of gentle parenting. This is a trend on social media too. F-A-F-O, like FAFO parenting, F F around and find out, which is kind of like, oh no, you don't cross me. You know, that's sort of more author authoritarian.
SPEAKER_01And and either extreme, I think, is where you end up with a problem. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So when so this issue that we're talking about, tech, tech exposure, you know, allowing your kids access, um, I think it requires that middle ground approach where you have you you set, you know, I say this values-based values and skills-based boundaries, boundaries. Like, do your does your kid have the skills to navigate the situation? And do this, do the boundaries you set up comply with your family's values?
SPEAKER_01Well, and like for there's easy things you can do around this. Like, okay, like at the dinner table, like nobody's on their phone, and that includes the parents. Like, get off the phone for mealtime so that there's social connection and social interaction happening. Like, talk. There's some restaurants. Um, my husband recently sent me like a picture from like a place he walked into, and it was like, we don't have Wi-Fi, talk to one another. And it was like in a coffin shop, and it was like a sign they had posted. Like, um, you know, so there's ways to curate, I think, moments of this of like, hey, we're on the way to school, you know, we've got a 10-minute car ride. Like, you know, you don't need your iPad for those 10 minutes.
SPEAKER_03Like, and what's the kid gonna say? If you've got like a teenager or your kid who you who's been iPad exposed, um, and and I think this complies with, but this is with like the ethos behind gentle parenting. Like, the first thing you need to say is like, I know that, I know that's not your preference, which is about validating their feelings, right? And I I just think that the the thing that sometimes people get wrong about how to do gentle parenting, and again, um I'm I'm just not a gentle parent. I'm maybe that's just it. Like I'm I'm not either. Um, I'm uh warm, you know. Like maybe, maybe people who are who know this would say, maybe, oh, actually, Sam, you are, but is after you validate, you have to then set the boundary, you know, or like work on creating the boundary um around we're gonna remove this because of your brain or whatever, or another time and be like, you know what, I'm giving you screen time because we've all had it, so you can have 20 minutes of screen time. It it's I don't know. I just don't think it needs to be as um, like you said, extreme earlier.
SPEAKER_01We don't need the extreme. Um so and it's okay for your kid to be bored, like you know. 10 minute car ride to school, um, you know, just look out the window. Like, I I don't know, like sorry, or like talk to me about like what happened during your day or like and you can actually build in little moments of boredom so that your kid gets used to that, right?
SPEAKER_03Um, and it can be incremental boredom, like you know, a lot of I ta teens I talk to, they're like I they don't like watching movies because it's too big of a sit down and watch one thing commitment. They're used to watching shorts that are 30 seconds to a minute, Sam.
SPEAKER_01Precisely. Um, yeah, so or less than that. Precisely. And that's that dopamine reward system at play. So there's an instant gratification.
SPEAKER_03So there's a way that you can incor integrate screens in some way, but like you're also kind of cultivating boredom, which is watch a movie as a family. You get to access to a screen, but you don't get to flip around. Your brain has to focus on like one movie for an hour and a half to two hours.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh. Right. Anyway.
SPEAKER_01Um so Sam, what I what do you think of some of the current trends on social?
SPEAKER_02Like, do you think what do you think of like no phone summers? Um gosh, if you can pull it off, it's awesome. I couldn't do it, but I don't know any parent of an adolescent.
SPEAKER_03I think that would be really challenging. I think it depends on how kids are talking to one another. Like if because at some point, like texting becomes the mode of communication between kids, and then it moves to currently it's like Snapchat, is where we're good. But in high school at least, a lot of it's Snapchat. So if you've got a younger kid and they just have a dumb phone and they're only texting on it, I don't know. Does that count as a no phone summer? No. Okay. So I I do I think I think it's important for kids to be able to access their social connections. Agreed. And the reality is that some of that happens over tech.
SPEAKER_01So all right, that's we have to accept that. That that is like you are not ringing someone else's doorbell anymore. That those days are kind of our past, Sam.
SPEAKER_03Unfortunately. I hope I hope some people some kids are. I'm sure there's some kids out there. Okay, how about this trend? AI generated bedtime stories.
SPEAKER_01Um, kind of weird to me. Like, I I don't know. I think maybe I'm like old school, like I think there's something to be had, even for myself. Like, I like to read an actual book. Like, I want paper in my hands. I don't want to listen to something. I don't like I like the feeling of a book in my hands and reading a book and like showing, like for a bedtime story, like I'm showing my kids the pictures.
SPEAKER_03I'll I'll push back. I I feel you. I'm not saying you're wrong. I remember going to a training, um, this was years ago, on using it was like bibliotherapy. It's like using stories in therapy for younger kids. And the trainer would she had this um, I still joke about it because she said the word similar, simular, that's how she said it. And she had a little bit of a southern accent, so she said it simular, like that. And and I couldn't get past that because she said it over and over again. She said, you know, you're gonna make up a story and you're gonna use an animal, and they're going to have a problem that is similar to that problem the child is dealing with. You know, and and I couldn't listen to the workshop because she kept saying simular, simular, simular. Okay, that silly sidebar aside. The point is therapeutically, she was talking about using making up stories that kids heard their own experience in a made-up character, so they like could kind of take some learning from the outcome of the story. Which is also like the basis for like play therapy. Precisely. So AI-generated bedtime stories could be a useful platform for something like that. Create something similar to whatever your kid is going through.
SPEAKER_01Um, Sam, what about recording every family moment for social media content? Don't do that.
SPEAKER_03Your kids have a digital, your kids have a digital footprint and it's theirs to create. Right? Sometimes we do that, and uh at some point, I don't remember how old my kids were, but I I started asking, may I post this? And sometimes the answer was no, and I was like, really? This seems innocent. That they would say no, and I would push, push, push, and my husband and Wolf would be like, look at me and say, they said no, Sam.
SPEAKER_01But I also think, too, if you're recording that much, you're actually missing out on being present in the moment because you're worried about like zooming in or your camera, and like you're not actually watching, you're watching your screen then and not your kid.
SPEAKER_03Right. All right, real quick. Um kids having YouTube channels. Yay or nay. No. Same. Family game nights. Depends on the family. You mean like on tech, right? Or talking family game nights on tech or family or I think family game nights not on tech.
SPEAKER_01I would say like 100% go, but like on tech, like texting kids from the other room.
SPEAKER_03Oh, no. Guilty. I have teenagers. I do it, yeah, absolutely guilty.
SPEAKER_01I I I'm not there yet, so that's probably why I'm saying no.
SPEAKER_03I'm sure I will end up doing it, but my kids aren't old enough. Go bags for restaurants that are tech free. Like coloring books and books and things like that, like bringing things like that. I bring stuff all the time. Yeah. Um, so so we've got I mean, like, these are some things that I've been that I've seen on social media that that we hadn't hit yet.
SPEAKER_01I think what this boils down to is that we need to figure out what to do with all the tech in our lives and AI that's like being pushed into our culture. There's no escaping it. I think it's about finding a middle ground and figuring out how to simplify aspects of your life.
SPEAKER_03I think we should just leave it leave it right there. Yes, preach, preach, girl, preach. All right, everybody. If you've got other things to he to chime in on the subject of tech and parenting, you know where to find us. Parenting shrink match, parenting shrinkwrapped at gmail.com. And uh we'd love to hear from you. But for now for tuning in and for raising the next generation of world changers. We love you, we love your kids. Thanks for joining us on this wild ride called Parenthood here at Parenting Shrinkwraft. We hope today's episode gave you some useful tools and maybe even a few laughs to help you navigate the twists and turns of raising teens and kids.
SPEAKER_01Remember, parenting is a journey, not a destination. And no matter where you are on the road, we're here to help you stay on course. Whether it's monumental meltdowns, teenage turmoil, or just the everyday chaos, you don't have to travel this path alone.
SPEAKER_03So until next time, keep your seatbelt fastened, your sense of humor intact, and your eyes on the road. We'll be back soon with more compassionate conversations and practical strategies to support you and your family.
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SPEAKER_01Until we meet again, take care and enjoy the ride.