Our Not So Drunkest Episode

Bonus Episode: We Tried to Get Drunk. We’re Just Too Professional.

Two Wisconsin bookish biddies set out to record their “drunkest episode ever.”
What happened instead? Competitive drinking stamina, chaotic games and way too much honesty.

This bonus episode skips the book review and goes full chaos mode:

🍸 Co-Host Compatibility Challenge – We test how well we really know each other (spoiler: not as well as we thought). Fated mates are slandered. Dirk Ramsey is ghosted. Jamie Fraser is defended.
🎲 Cocktail Confessional (Truth or Drink with Dice) – We revisit the cringiest lines we’ve ever read on mic (looking at you, Bertrice), confess which episodes we’d delete from existence (Season 1 Episode 3), and admit which covers we’re too embarrassed to read poolside.
📚 Romance Mad Libs Chaos – Featuring a crunchy elbow, a Furby, a tardigrade (??), and possibly the least sexy basement encounter in literary history.
📖 Am I Drunk or Is This Real? – Necromancer cinnamon rolls? Real. Billionaire beekeeper with weaponized pheromones? Absolutely not.

We debate overrated tropes (fated mates is on thin ice), morally gray demons, stepbrother scandal, and the fine line between “passionate critique” and “what the f*ck, Bertrice.”

Did we get as drunk as we promised?
No. Because apparently being professional Wisconsin drinkers is both a strength and a curse.

But we did spill secrets, call out bad behavior and prove once again romance novels deserve both reverence and roasting.

Grab a drink (or three) and join us for the chaos.

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Transcript

Nicole:

Hello, I'm Nicole Danielle. 

Meghan:

And I'm Meghan Leigh, and this is Romance on the Rocks, where two bookish biddies imbibe and share their love of romance novels. 

Nicole:

Except today, there's not any books in sight. 

Meghan:

Today is our long-threatened, listener-demanded, probably regrettable, drunkest episode ever. 

Nicole:

So, this is not a book review episode. This is a bonus episode dedicated entirely to drinking games, chaos, and whatever happens when we record after multiple bevies. 

Meghan:

Oh, nice. 

Nicole:

Ohhh, I’m drinking my favorite Korbel bubbly.  And Meghan, there's a reason where if I know I'm gonna be binge drinking that I drink this, because it is methode champagne, which is the way that they process the bubbly so that you are less likely to get a headache. 

Meghan:

Oh boy. Well, I can't say that mine is as fancy and French. I am doing uh basically a gin and soda. And by soda, like a soda water, because I know that this is going to wreak havoc in my stomach if I do anything too sugary. So, we're going as sugary free, sugar-free, sugarless, sugary-free. Y'all know what I'm saying. We're gonna try and make this not oh so sweet. But one of the fun things about this, I am using a gin that I got when I was in Spain with my sister. This is Silberling Gin, and it is a strawberry gin made in Spain. 

Nicole:

Ooh. 

Meghan:

Yeah, and I thought it was heavily appropriate because my sister is the one that complained to me about us not getting drunk enough on episodes. So, I figured, you know, l’chaim my sister, choot choot. This is for you. 

Nicole:

Uh thanks, Elena. All right, well, I'm gonna pop open my first bottle. And Meghan, I did purchase three bottles because you know my rule. One bottle is a serving. 

Meghan:

Yeah, that is true. I have uh a pre-made cocktail in a big cup that says, let's face it, I was crazy before cats. And then I do have a pitcher so I can refill if I should need. And I probably will need. 

Uh, I'm gonna explain what's going on. Nicole is trying real hard. Yeah, there she goes. She's trying to pop the cork, and it looked like she was given somebody what for. 

Nicole:

Well, I'm always wary uh when opening a champagne bottle, because you never know how shit's gonna go. 

Meghan:

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that was quite sensual looking. Perhaps not the face you were making, but the hand gestures. 

Nicole:

It was something. All right, so for today, Meghan, you want to run us through the rounds and what we're doing? 

Meghan:

Sure, sure. So, round one, we're doing the co-host compatibility challenge, kind of like uh old-fashioned newlyweds’ game for podcast partners. Round two, cocktail confessional, but with dice. This was something that you threw in there. I've got my dice. I'm ready to go. We'll see if I'm able to read the numbers once we get to that round. We've got round three, romance, mad libs, chaos. I am very excited about this one. I love a good mad libs. 

Nicole:

Yeah, yeah. This was like you're like, yeah, mad libs. 

Meghan:

Mad libs. I'm so ready for this. And then we do have a bonus episode if we are still upright. And that one is going to be bonus episode, bonus round. That one is called Am I Drunk or Is It Real? And you will give us more explanation once we get that far in this episode. 

Nicole:

Absolutely. So, let's begin before we get too sloppy. And I'm gonna double

check. Yep, I hit record. That's how well for round one, it is co-host compatibility challenge. Like you said, it's kind of like a newlywed’s game. We'll each answer questions about the other person, we'll reveal them, and then if our answers match, the person being guessed must drink, if not the guesser drinks. 

Meghan:

Right. So hopefully I know you well enough that I don't get too slammered. 

Nicole:

Yeah. Okay, so the first questions are for me to answer about you. 

Meghan:

Mm-hmm. 

Nicole:

Question number one: What is Meghan's least favorite romance trope? I'm pretty damn sure I know this. 

Meghan:

Sure. 

Nicole:

Is it Fated Mates? Werewolf? 

Meghan:

Werewolf. Which plays into that same kind of trope, I would say. Those go hand in hand. 

Nicole:

Well, I'll drink because it wasn't exactly right. Correct. 

Meghan:

Well, I really thought about that one last night when I was looking at these questions in advance. And shall I admit, I did write Fated Mates first and then changed my mind after I thought about it for a while. 

Nicole:

Harsh. 

Meghan:

I'm so sorry. 

Nicole:

Question number two. Which cocktail would Meghan order on a terrible date? Ready? 

Meghan:

What do you got? 

Nicole:

Um I'm gonna say something with Malort. 

Meghan:

Gin. Because I figure I figure I don't want something that is going to make me make bad decisions and gin is kind of running in my blood anyway. So, I'll make good decisions, but I'll make them pay for it. It'll be expensive, gin. 

Nicole:

Okay. 

Meghan:

How are you feeling so far? 

Nicole:

I’m two sips in, so we're good. 

Meghan:

Okay, okay. 

Nicole:

Number three, what fictional love interest archetype does Meghan fall for every time? 

Meghan:

This was a hard one because I couldn't think of the word to really describe it. And I'm sure that there's an appropriate word. So, if you get anywhere close, it counts. 

NIcole:

Okay. All right. I'm gonna say morally gray demons. 

Meghan:

I mean, kind of close. You tell me if it counts. I've got misunderstood, emotionally vulnerable, wounded recluse. I know. I was like, how do you describe that kind of brooding male? Do you just write brooding male? Alright. I think demon was pretty close. That's kind of what they all are. 

Nicole:

Morally gray demon, mind you. 

Meghan:

Yeah. Yeah. 

Nicole:

Question number four. What romance author could Meghan read forever? All right, I got it. I'm gonna say Emma Ham. 

Meghan:

Correct, my lady. Correct. 

Nicole:

Question number five. What trope makes Meghan irrationally annoyed? I've got it written down already. Uh fated mates. 

Meghan:

Fated mates. Yeah. Yeah. 

Nicole:

Because I can hear your voice every time. 

Meghan:

Oh, I hate that. I hate it. I hate it so much. Which is why, okay, for your first question, least favorite romance trope was Werewolf, because I'm like, you know what? It's always fated mates with Werewolf, except that I also have to hear he shapeshifted and walked around naked through the grass. And I hate all of it. 

Nicole:

All right. Question number six. What episode of the podcast is Meghan? I can't talk today. What episode of the podcast is Meghan's secret favorite? 

Meghan:

I had to go back and look to see what the title of the episode was. 

Nicole:

Did you? 

Meghan:

Yeah. I'm ready. 

Nicole:

I'm guessing season two, episode 10, Love and the Deep, where you read The Kraken Sacrifice by Katee Roberts. 

Meghan:

No. 

Nicole:

Damn it! 

Meghan:

Because okay, you said secret favorite. If I was going to, if I was going to pick out favorite books and say, which one did I love talking about because I love the book? Yeah, I would go with that. But secret favorite, for me, was the one that was the most fun to actually uh record. What the fuck, Bertrice? Midsummer nightmare. 

Nicole:

Oh God. Okay. I wouldn't just know. 

Meghan:

No, because secretly, that was so much fun. 

Nicole:

Number seven, which romance hero would Meghan hate in real life? 

Meghan:

Yeah. This was a tough one too. And I also, when I was looking at it, was debating between your books and my books. 

Nicole:

Yes. Good. Because you should. 

Meghan:

Yeah. 

Nicole:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put Dirk Ramsey from Enemy in Camp by Janet Daley. 

Meghan:

As much as I wanted to pick Dirk, I didn't because I did stick to my books. 

Nicole:

Okay. And I did Alan McGregor. He was so handsy, so fucking touchy. And I just was like, stop touching her. She told you not to come to her house and you still keep showing up. Ick. But had it been your books, it was really a toss-it between Dirk and then the other Janet Daley guy. Uh, I couldn't remember his name. 

Nicole:

The…oh God…the horse guy? 

Meghan:

Yeah, the bluegrass king. Yeah. 

Nicole:

They were both pretty awful. Dirk, especially though. He is terrible. When he's like, and you no longer get to be part of your family because you're with me now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Ugh. 

Number eight. Meghan's favorite reading snack. 

Meghan:

Mm-hmm. Ready? I put flavored sunflower seeds. 

Meghan:

Ooh, that would have been oh, kind of a toss-up. You're right with the flavored. I went with seasoned pretzels. 

Nicole:

Damn it, Meghan! 

Meghan:

I know. No, those are both really good. Like, I'm sorry, honey. 

Nicole:

I don't even know you. All right. Well, now you have to drink for this part. 

Meghan:

Yeah, I think out of how many questions do we have? 

Nicole:
 Eight questions. 

Meghan:

I might get two of these right, maybe. So, we'll see. 

All right. Question number one. What trope will Nicole always read without hesitation? You written down? 

Nicole:

Mm-hmm. 

Meghan:

I chose friends to lovers. Oh!

Nicole:

Forced proximity. 

Meghan:

Oh, okay. I was…I thought I had that one. So maybe I'm only getting one right. All right. 

What cocktail is Nicole's “I've had a day drink?” I chose Bourbon on the Rocks. 

Nicole:

Oh, you got it!

Meghan:

Woo!

All right. Number three. Which romance author is Nicole most likely to fangirl over? You ready? BK Borison. 

Nicole:

Yeah. 

Meghan:

Woo! I'm feeling good. 

Nicole:

Why do I feel like I'm the one who's gonna be drunk in this episode? 

Meghan:

I don't know. 

Number four. What book ending made Nicole cry the hardest? 

Nicole:

Okay. Hear me out. I chose Bob's Fall because you probably didn't want it to end and you were so sad that like the tears just started coming because you wanted more. No? That wasn't it?

Nicole:

No.

Meghan:

Okay, what was it? 

Nicole:

NA. Not applicable. Well, that makes sense because I could not pick one. I'm like, I don't remember talking about her getting super emotional at the end of any of these. 

This is actually the question that made me ask you last night is it supposed to be a book from the podcast? Because I'm like trying to go outside of that then. 

Nicole:

After you asked me that, and then I was going through the questions today, I was like, you know, she was kind of on the right track because I've only ever cried over one book, and it's when Dobby died in Harry Potter. 

Meghan:

I was like, there's no way. I can't think of a single one of these books that she would have cried, maybe somewhere in the middle if something really hit home, like from a personal standpoint. But none of these had endings that would have made you cry. 

Nicole:

No. 

Meghan:

All right, okay. So, I feel okay about going with Bob's fall. 

Nicole:

Oh, you gotta drink for that one, Lady. 

Meghan:

That's true, I do. I knew I would be drinking on that one. 

All right, number five. What trope makes Nicole instantly doesn't finish DNF a book? I'm going for a second chance after divorce. 

Nicole:

Oh, so close. 

Meghan:

Okay, what was it? 

Nicole:

The glorification of abusive men. 

Meghan:

Uh yep, yep, yep. 

Nicole:

I can't do it. 

Meghan:

Yeah, I would say cheers to that, but yeah. Bottoms up.

Number six. Which episode caused Nicole the most editing pain? Oh, you know this. I actually don't because I went back through the list a number of times, and there were a couple options. I decided to go with the most recent one that was a pain in the ass, which was A Whole Latke Love, which that's probably not right. All right, which one? 

Nicole:

Season one, episode three romance. I hate that episode. 

Meghan:

Yeah. We both hate that episode. I uh that was on my list, but then I was like, you know, I don't know that the editing was so much a problem, so much as actually getting it recorded. 

Nicole:

It was all of it. The whole effing thing. 

Meghan:

Yeah, it was that was a pretty awful one. I do have a little footnote about that one later on in my show notes. 

Nicole:

I think I do too. 

Meghan:

Yeah, okay. We'll come back to that. For anybody who may not know which episode we're talking about, that was the third episode that we did in the first season, and it was just atrocious. We both hated our books. It was it was the southern romance, and we had to record it three times because like the audio wasn't working and the recording wasn't working. It was so bad. 

Nicole:

And because we hated our books and had to talk about them at length three times. 

Meghan:

Oh, good lord. 

Nicole:

And then I got yelled at by your husband for being so ridiculous about recording.

Meghan:

Yeah.

Nicole:

That was that was real fun for me. 

Meghan:

It was brutal. It was brutal. 

Number seven. What fictional character would Nicole let ruin her life? I think I've got this one. Fallon from Kimberly Lemming's uh drunk demon book. 

Oh! See, that's not from the podcast. 

Nicole:

Oh, it doesn't matter. Jamie Frazier forever. 

Meghan:

Hold on! Hold on! That's the specific question I asked you, and you said it had to be from the podcast. And then she came up with something not from the podcast. Guess what? I'll drink anyway. 

Nicole:

Okay, thanks. 

Meghan:

But I'm not far off, right? Of any of the people we read about, would you have taken him? 

Nicole:

I don't think so. 

Meghan:

No? 

Nicole:

No, probably the fireman slash Spanish teacher. In Mixed Signals. 

Meghan:

Yeah. 

Nicole:

Yeah. 

Meghan:

That was your BK Borison one, right? 

Nicole:

Mm-hmm. 

Meghan:

Yeah. Well, that makes sense. 

Nicole:

Yeah. 

Meghan:

That makes sense. All right. Well, I've gotten two so far, right? I've got one more chance. 

Nicole:

Yeah. You're not gonna get the beginning. 

Meghan:

I'm not gonna get this one right, even though I am right. 

Nicle:

Okay. 

Meghan:

Number eight, Nicole's favorite setting for a spicy scene. I wrote “Anywhere but in the hot tub.” 

Um, okay. She writes “my bedroom.” 

Nicole:

Because I'm either reading the book in my bedroom, or I would like a spicy scene in my bedroom. 

Meghan:

Sure, sure. Well, you know, that is any place but the hot tub. 

Nicole:

And I would say that counts. 

Meghan:

Thank you. I'm still gonna drink. I knew that was gonna be too broad. 

Nicole:

In round two, cocktail confessionals, it's like a truth or dare, but it's a truth or drink with dice. We'll roll a dice. Odd number is we drink, even number is we tell the truth. And we have to keep doing this until we get through all the prompts. 

Meghan:

Oh boy. 

Nicole:

So, we'll take turns shaking the dice, and then we'll just get through the list of prompts going back and forth. 

Meghan:

Sounds good. Okay. 

Nicole:

All right, who wants to go first? 

Meghan:

I'll go. Okay, do it up. Shaky shaky. I got that. Eight. Eight. 

Nicole:

Okay, so that's good. Tell the truth. Name a popular romance book you didn't like but pretended to. Oh, this is good for you. 

Meghan:

Uh it's not though. I actually wrote NA because first, I really haven't read any popular romance novels, because I always figure if they're popular, they probably suck and I don't want to read them. And then number two, if I did read it and thought it sucked, y'all know I would tell you. I can't pretend. 

Nicole:

Right. 

Meghan:

And I sound like an asshole when I say all my meanness and I feel terrible afterward, but I don't know that I can say that there is I can tell you lots of books I've read and hated, but uh yeah. I'm sorry, guys. That's the truth. 

Nicole:

Yeah, it is because we always like pride ourselves on being honest on the podcast. So, all right, I have eight. 

Meghan:

Didn't you just roll them up? 

Nicole:

Oh, yeah, I did. Okay. 

Meghan:

So, truth, what's the most cringe line you've read on the podcast? 

Nicole:

For me, I can't remember exactly what the line was, but it would have to either be from The Border Lord's Bride by Bertrice Small or Enemy in Camp by Janet Daly, because both of those were so fucking cringy. 

Meghan:

Yeah. Do you know which line? Oh, you don't know which line? If you don't mind, I'm going to interject here and say I also, in preparation for this, went through and thought, you know what the worst one was? It was Bertrice Small. And I've got the line. So, I'll just share this one. This was an adult

man telling his 11 or 12-year-old child to stare at a naked woman. And uh the adult man said, “You see, Aubin, the perfect breasts, small, yet perfect nonetheless. Touch her.” Gross. That was so gross. 

Nicole:

I forgot about that. Yeah. I even went through my notes and I like I couldn't find and I know I wrote shit down from those books. 

Meghan:

Oh, sure. Yeah, but I agree with you. I think we can both say that the cringiest were definitely in those books. 

All right, here we go. Oh, I'm odd. Well, we got a drink then. I got 11. All right. We had a drink. That picture was a little bit stronger than the drink I made initially. Wow. 

Nicole:

Alright, I just rolled a five, so we have to drink again. 

Meghan:

Oh god, okay. All right. Here we go. Okay. I have an eight. 

Nicole:

Oh, thank God. All right. Question. What trope do you think is overrated? 

Meghan:

Not what you think, because I went through and I was like, you know what I think is overrated? Lip biting. I hate it. 

Nicole:

Like when somebody lip bites the other person's lip, well, they're kissing or bites her lip and tries to be all... 

Meghan:

Yes, that. Right. That. And if anybody has ever seen me try and do it, I look like I'm having some sort of uh seizure. I hate it. There's nothing about it that's sexy. It's my thought. Overrated. 

Nicole:

I'm actually am gonna say fated mates because we see it not only in the werewolf smut, we see it in the face smut and all kinds of other fucking smut. And I'm so over it. I'm like, you know what? Could they just be to a couple and not be fated and just realize, hey, we were really a strong connection and let's just work this out and be together, versus we are fated mates. 

Meghan:

I think it has its place. I just think it's having its moment as well right now. But it's overdone. 

Nicole:

Correct. That's what I'm saying is like everybody's throwing it in a book, and in some cases, it just becomes lazy writing. You don't have to show me that these two have a connection. You just say fated mates and done. I think it has its place. Yeah. I haven't necessarily read a book where I feel like it made sense. 

Shake away, girl. 

Meghan:

Seven we drink. There we go. 

Nicole:

Seven we drink. 

Meghan:

Oh god. Seven we drink. Why? All right. Here we go. I got this. I got this. 

Eight! Oh, thank God. 

Nicole:

Eight. Name a romance hero you would absolutely ghost. 

Meghan:

This is where I wrote Dirk from Michigan. 

Nicole:

Dirk Ramsey! 

Meghan:

Dirk Ramsey from Michigan. He was from your Janet Daley book. I also then I was like, okay, you did say hero, but what about heroine? And I realized that there were a lot more female characters in my books that I would have ghosted over the men. 

Nicole:

Like who? 

Meghan:

My first choice is actually Caitlin from Dark of the Moon, which you know…

Nicole:

Because she was such a whiny brat. 

Meghan:

She was awful. And you guys, that's the romance novel I said I would be buried with. So even though she drives me nuts now, it's still the book of choice to be buried with. But she I would ghost her immediately. 

Nicole:

I wrote down Dirk Ramsey from the Michigan in a Daley book, and I put next to it, run, Tori, run. 

Meghan:

Exactly. 

Nicole:

Oh yeah. That girl couldn't. Oh God. I want you to write the sequel. Like so much. Yeah. 

Meghan:

I have been working out the details in my head for quite a while. Yeah. 

Nicole:

Good. Good. Yep. I long to read it. 

Meghan:

Yeah. We'll get there. 

Nicole:

Okay. 

Meghan:

Shake-a shake-a shake-a. 

Nicole:

Eight. 

Meghan:

Okay. Which spicy scene caught you off guard the most? 

Nicole:

Good old Bertrice Small. The scene in The Border Lord's Bride, where the evil guy who kidnapped the heroine drugged her with some weird drug that made her horny, allegedly, and then molested her and then threatened to use some gross wooden cock thing on her. That really that was an almost a DNF for me where I'm like, I don't think I can finish this fucking book. It was bad. It was so bad. 

Meghan:

Yeah, I think because I already had the heads up from you reading that, I knew to expect some not great stuff from her book when I read Laura. So that didn't catch me off guard. I put “Snowed in with the Cowboy”, your Maisie Yates book. I'm sorry, that whole stepbrother thing just threw me so bad. I didn't even read it, and the back of the book caught me off guard so much that I'm like, nah, that's a big no for me. 

Nicole:

But their spicy scenes were not actually that spicy. 

Meghan:

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. 

Nicole:

Shake it out. Seven, we drink. 

Meghan:

Oh God. 

Nicole:

Oh yeah. 

Meghan:

Oh yeah. Shake that baby. 

Nicole:

Ten. 

Meghan:

Which episode do you wish you could redo? 

Nicole:

Season one, episode three, Southern Romances. I either want to delete it or redo it. And you're like, no, Nic, we're just leaving it alone and we're never touching it again. And I that's the episode that haunts me. 

Meghan:

So when I said I had a footnote coming up later, I wrote anything early on except the Nashville bluegrass one because it was so painful. I don't want to relive it. 

Nicole:

We actually just need to read completely different Southern romances and then like replace it. 

Meghan:

Like, I do have one in the roulette, the romance roulette this season that's called Savannah Blues that I have been wanting to read for a long time. So I'm hoping that one pops up. So I do have a nice Southern one in there. 

Nicole:

Well, maybe that's what we need to do. Just replace it with a different Southern one. Right? 

Meghan:

Go backwards and let people know. I promise there's better Southern books. Well, in mine, we really were debating if it even was a romance novel. That was just, it was rough. 

Nicole:

Yeah. Yeah. 

Meghan:

All right, six. 

Have you ever lied about finishing a book before recording? 

Nicole:

My answer is a big N.O. 

Meghan:

No, ma'am. 

Nicole:

I have force myself to read every fucking book from beginning to end.  Sometimes we've had to reschedule recording because I haven't been finished yet, but we've always had our books finished, and I would certainly never lie about it. If I was in the situation where we had to record and I wasn't finished, I would just say that. I would say, hey, I didn't finish this. 

Meghan:

Like, yeah. Same. No. Definitely finished. But yes, we have rescheduled…

Nicole:

Many times. 

Meghan:

More than once. 

Nicole:

Many times. 

Meghan:

Yeah, yeah. More than once. Absolutely. Well, sometimes there's a book that just is way more of a slog than you think it's going to be. 

Nicole:

Yeah. 

Meghan:

Or life just steps in and something happens. So yeah. 

Nicole:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Seven. Drink. 

Meghan:

Okay. I'm a shaking. Six. 

Nicole:

Name an author you'd fangirl too hard over. I don't know that I have one personally. Like I if it'd be anybody, I guess it'd be Emma Hamm or Katee Robert. 

Nicole:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 

Meghan:

However, I tend to be the person who, because I don't like talking to people, it makes me uncomfortable to think about having to approach people and be like, I love your stuff. So I'm probably not gonna fangirl so much as I'll stand awkwardly several feet away and in my head be like, that's Emma Hamm. Or oh my God, look, that’s Katee Robert. And then I would just sidle away slowly and never say a thing. 

Nicole:

For me, it'd of course be BK Borison. Uh, because I've already fangirled over Emily B. Rose. Um, but it would be horribly awkward because I'm such a huge fan and I so revere her work that I would just be like, oh my god, I'm gonna say stupid things that tumble out of my mouth and make no sense and sound like an idiot. 

Meghan:

Yeah, mine just stay in my head and then I just look like an idiot because I'm staring awkwardly, or yeah. 

Nicole:

Yeah. 

Meghan:

I like how you get the cup. You came really prepared. 

Nicole:

My Yahtzee cup!

Meghan:

I love it. 

Meghan:

The question was: what's the most unhinged moment you've edited out? I left this blank because I don't do the editing. And so I do not have a leg to stand on this one. 

Nicole:

Um, for you, uh, I did have to edit out some of your what the fuck Bertrices from that episode…

Meghan:

What???

Nicole:

…because it just went on and on and on. There were so many. I was totally here for it, but I was like, yeah, I think the listeners get the point. 

And for me, I went off on a pretty lengthy tirade about the ridiculous divorced parents reconnecting trope in 1225 Christmas Tree Lane. And I just fucking hated that book so goddamn much. I fully understand that Debbie McComber is the queen of hallmarky romancey goodness, and she has well earned her place, but she is not for me. Not even close. 

Meghan:

We've said too, that that book in particular might have just not been our cup of tea. 

Nicole:

It was very triggering for me. 

Meghan:

Yeah, and so at some point in time in future episodes, maybe I'll pick up one of her books and see if I have a different reaction. 

Nicole:

Maybe you'll love her. 

Meghan:

Yeah, I don't know. So we'll see. But that that might pop up again. 

Nicole:

You go right ahead. I have removed all of her books from my cue. That…it…that is fine. 

Meghan:  Also, let me just say, I don't think that my extensive what the fuck Bertrice's or your tirade about the weird forced relationship after their divorce. I don't think any of that was unhinged. I think that was all totally appropriate. It's just that the episodes were awfully long and we needed to cut it. 

Nicole:

I agree with you. I don't think either one of us has ever been unhinged when talking about a book. I get a little passionate when I'm feeling it, but yeah. 

Meghan:

Especially with the what he fuck, Bertrice said. Yeah, I was overly passionate. I'm shaken. We got an eight. 

Nicole:

Uh, what's with all the sevens and eights? What cocktail gets you tipsy embarrassingly fast? 

Meghan:

Mine's anything with tequila. 

Nicole:

Oh, tequila makes her clothes fall off. 

Meghan:

Tequila is a totally different feeling than any other alcohol. Like, really, that song is not far off the mark. So different. Which is why I wouldn't drink any sort of tequila drink on a bad date, because I cannot be making bad decisions with an awful person. 

Nicole:

Okay. That's fair. 

Meghan:

What are you thinking? 

Nicole:

For me, it's martinis that taste so good you don't realize how fucking strong they are until it's too late. 

Meghan:

Yeah, I've had some bad martini experiences. Oh, shaky shaky. Shake them dice girl. 

Nicole:

11.  Drink. 

Meghan:

Okay. I'm a shaken. We got a six. 

Nicole:

Name your most unhinged reading habit. 

Meghan:

I struggled with this one because I like to think all of my habits are just endearing, not unhinged. 

Nicole:

And I would agree with you. 

Meghan:

Thank you. But if I had to pick something, I would say there is the first one, which I'm calling Jenga, book Jenga, which is I can't figure out which book I really am in the mood for. So I pile all of them up next to me, and it makes a very strange tower that I try really hard not to knock over. 

And then the other one would be bookmarks. I don't know how many bookmarks I have, but it is an excessive amount of bookmarks. And I will still be utilizing the napkin that's sitting next to me, an old sock because that's what's close, a toothbrush because I'm in the bathroom. Heaven help me, I cannot find the damn bookmark. So my poor books, they suffer. They suffer for their art. 

Nicole:

I don't think that's why your books are suffering, if we're being honest, Meg. 

Meghan:

That is one of the many reasons. So yeah, Jenga and bookmarks. How about you? What is your unhinged reading habit? 

Nicole:

I don't know that anything that either one of us does can be considered unhinged. But the thing that I am OCD about, and I freely admit, is I have an overwhelming urge in my OCD nature to keep all my books as pristine as possible, with the exception of cookbooks, Meghan. This is like I don't give a fuck because I'm using them and they're gonna get jacked up, right? And I'm gonna make notes in them, like, no, this measurement is wrong, whatever. But for romance novels, I work so hard to make sure nothing gets folded or bent, and I get so upset when it does. 

Meghan:

I actually had that mindset for a very long time with books in general, because I respect books. I love them, just there's something beautiful about them. And I agree with you on cookbooks. I always felt like the more bent up or kind of stained or greasy or handwritten, the better the cookbook, because it means somebody loved it and used it a lot and there's good recipes. So I do agree with that. 

Nicole:

Yeah. 

Meghan:

But I think that this podcast really helped free me from the need to keep books pristine because early on when we were starting this, I was trying to use post-it notes and I was trying to use a journal, and it just did not work for my brain. I was not able to keep things straight for the podcast. And I had to give up and start highlighting. That was the most freeing thing that has ever happened to me. 

Nicole:

Shake, shake five drink, drink. 

Meghan:

Guys, this episode's gonna be pretty long because we're just gonna keep drinking and then we talk a lot. And I just shake-d a four. 

Nicole:

What book made you blush too hard to read in public? 

Meghan:

Which one for you? 

Nicole:

Well, Meghan, that would have to be Bob's Fall by Laura Lee and Veronica Chadwick, because I told you about this. I took it to the beach vacation weekend that I had with Bob and was trying to read it on the beach and at the pool and had to cover it because I was so effing embarrassed by this book. 

Meghan:

You know, fascinating that that's the one you picked because I picked mine by Helen K. Diamon, which we read on the same episode. 

Nicole:

Oh, what a coincidence. 

Meghan:

Yeah, the content of mine was pretty damn racy. However, my characters actually were more fully formed and had uh much better backstories. But the covers of both of our books were almost identical. It was a bare-chested man with a six-pack at a dark black background. 

Nicole:

I'm pretty sure the covers were almost exactly the same. 

Meghan:

And so that book made me so uncomfortable to take out in public and be like, hey guys, look what I'm reading. 

Nicole:

I'm at this poolside with families and children, and I'm like, oh my god. 

Meghan:

Yeah. 

Nicole:

All right. Well, that concludes round two. 

Meghan:

Is round two palette cleanser? 

Nicole:

Palette cleanser. 

Meghan:

Okay. 

Nicole:

Round three, romance mad libs. And Meghan, I'm gonna ask you for words and you're gonna give them to me. 

Meghan:

I'm excited about this so, so much.

Nicole:

Okay, Meghan, give me an adjective. 

Meghan:

Crunchy. 

Nicole:

All right, a body part. 

Meghan:

Elbow. 

Nicole:

A verb ending in ING. 

Meghan:

Flailing. 

Nicole:

A noun. 

Meghan:

Booger. 

Nicole:

Another noun. 

Meghan:

Postcard. 

Nicole:

A sound effect. 

Meghan:

That's a tough one. Um, how about sproing? 

Nicole:

Sproing. Okay. A location. 

Meghan:

Basement. 

Nicole:

An exclamation. 

Meghan:

Zoinks! 

Nicole:

A silly object. 

Meghan:

Furby. 

Nicole:

Okay. An animal. 

Meghan:

Tardigrade. 

Nicole:

A what? 

Meghan:

A water bear. 

Nicole:

Water bear. Okay. What the fuck is a water bear? 

Meghan:

Look it up. Look it up right now. 

Audience. Audience. Do you know what a water bear is? 

Nicole:

I'm Googling. Best. Water bear. I feel like it's made up. 

Meghan:

No, it's a real thing. But they're the best. They're so cute. 

Nicole:

No! Miss. Microscopic? Ew! 

Meghan:

They're everywhere. Nicole, they can live in space. They can live without breathing. They're the best. Come on, somebody else back me up. Tardigrade. 

Nicole:

Okay, type of clothing. 

Meghan:

A bandana. 

Nicole:

Okay, are you ready for your story? 

Meghan:

Yes. 

Nicole:

Alright. “His crunchy hand brushed against my elbow, sending me flailing like a startled water bear. Or tardigrade, whatever you prefer. I brought you this, he whispered, holding out a Furby. Like it was the world's sexiest booger. Suddenly a loud spring echoed through the basement. Zoinks, I gasped, tore off his bandana. And that's when I knew this was better than any postcard I'd ever had.”

Meghan:

It's very sweet. 

Nicole:

Okay. 

Meghan:

Look at that. Furby's and tardigrades right into the romance. 

Nicole:

Oh, I don't think so, Meghan. 

Meghan:

Come on now. 

Nicole:

Alright. Palette cleanser for the end of round three. 

Meghan:

Boof. We are definitely not drunk enough. This is not the drunkest episode. 

Nicole:

Next time we have to pregame. 

Meghan:

I don't know about that. We're gonna have to figure out a way to drink more. 

Nicole:

Now we move on to the bonus round of is it real or is it bullshit? And they are romance blurbs that you might see or not see on the back of a romance book. I'm gonna read you a romance book blurb. You tell me if it's a real published romance book or if it's drunken bullshit. And then if you're wrong, I drink. If I'm right, you drink? Does that sound right? 

Meghan:

Basically, if you fool me, I drink. 

Nicole:

Okay. 

Meghan:

If you do not fool me, you drink. 

Nicole:

Let's begin with. A rugged lumberjack competes in a small-town beard pageant to win custody of his sister and accidentally falls for the judge who hates facial hair. Real or fake? 

Meghan:

Real. Totally real. 

Nicole:

Uh, that is fake, Meghan. 

Meghan:

Oh.

Nicole:

That is not real.

Meghan:

Who hates facial hair?

Alright, got it. Alright. 

Nicole:

A surfer must teach an antisocial sea witch how to flirt in order to restore her stolen magic, preferably without drowning. 

Meghan:

Real. It's real. 

Nicole:

No, Meghan, it’s fake.

Meghan:

These  all sould be real!!! Okay. I vote in the future if we do this again, Nicole needs to drink something other than champagne, because I feel like I am definitely ahead of her with my gin. 

Nicole:

But I've drank more than you. 

Meghan:

Have you though? 

Nicole:

But Meghan, remember my philosophy. A bottle of wine is a serving. 

Meghan:

You've had less than a serving. 

Nicole:

Oh, I'm almost done with my serving. 

Meghan:

Yep, but okay. I had this, and then I refilled with my pitcher, which if you can see is now empty. 

Nicole:

Yes.  I'm very proud of you. 

Meghan:

Thank you. I'm ahead. 

Nicole:

Yes.

Meghan:

Thanks. This is for my sister. Look what you made me do. 

Nicole:

Alright. Real or fake. A sunshine witch accidentally summons our sarcastic demon and ends up fake dating him to save her magic. 

Meghan:

True! That's real. 

Nicole:

It is real. This is A Witch's Guide to Fake Dating a Demon by Sarah Hawley. 

Meghan:

Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink. She could have drained the cup. She didn't. 

Nicole:

I don't need to choke. I don't know if you can see, but my cheeks are so hot right now. 

Meghan:

Are they?

Nicole:

Like, are they burning? It's so hot. Oh, good old rosacia! 

Alright, real or fake. A cinnamon roll demigod, necromancer, accidentally falls for the grumpy marshal who keeps sending him corpses to reanimate. 

Meghan:

That's real. And if it's not, it should be. 

Nicole:

It is real. It is The Undertaking of Heart and Mercy by Meghan Bannon. 

Meghan:

Sounds really fun. I would like to read that. 

Nicole:

Next up. And I have a little cup of numbers, so I'm doing everything very fairly. Oh, here we go. You know I love a Viking romp. 

A Viking warrior finds himself in an unfamiliar world and in the care of a woman who refuses to trust him. Well, that's it. That's it. 

Meghan:

Oh, that's definitely real, because there's about a thousand of those. 

Nicole:

Anyway, correct. The Viking Undone by Michelle Willingham. 

Meghan:

I feel like that could also be many other books that we've run across. 

Nicole:

Yeah, The Vikings Captive, The Vikings Chosen. The Viking in Blue, The Viking on a Boat, A Boat of Vikings. 

Alright. A lonely witch hired to tutor three chaotic magical children accidentally falls for their grumpy, overprotective caretaker. 

Meghan:

True. 

Nicole:

You are correct. That is the very secret society of irregular witches by Sanggu Mandana. 

Meghan:

Nice. 

Nicole:

I drink. 

Meghan:

Drink, drink, drink, drink. 

Nicole:

To be fair though, Meghan, I think you've said they're all real. 

Meghan:

I have. I've not said a single one is fake because they all sound real. 

Nicole:

Okay, ready for this one? Mm-hmm. A reclusive dragon shifter signs up for a pottery class only to fall for the instructor whose kiln keeps exploding around him. 

Meghan:

True. 

Nicole:

Fake. 

Meghan:

Why is it fake? That could be real. I'm sorry. If there can be a romance novel about a sentient fork, there can definitely be a romance novel about a dragon and an exploding kiln. Just saying. 

Nicole:

You drink. 

Meghan:

There can be a romance novel about anything. You make a dare, and that's probably what I should write a romance novel about. 

Nicole:

Alright. Real or fake. When a shy accountant inherits a haunted cat cafe, the ghost of a Victorian poet refuses to leave until she agrees to help him finish his romance manuscript. 

Meghan:

This is true. This is true because I feel like I read the back of this book somewhere. 

Nicole:

Meghan, I'm so sorry, but it's fake. 

Meghan:

No! No! I swear to God, I read something the other day about a haunted cat cafe romance novel. 

Nicole:

So, it's taken from the inspiration of that, but it's fake. Um, there is like a haunted cafe. I don't know that it's a cat cafe, but it's a haunted cafe. 

All right, Meghan, real or fake. A billionaire beekeeper hires a sunshine botanist to help control his…overwhelming pheromones. Turns out the bees aren't the only ones buzzing. 

Meghan:

False. 

Nicole:

Very good. That is 100% fake. I was like, a billionaire beekeeper? 

Meghan:

That's exactly I'm like, I'm like, no, no, right there, no. Those guys are not the ones who are out in nature romping around and touching bees. They're just not. They're in technology and finance and shit. 

Nicole:

Final, is it real or is it bullshit? A cursed immortal and a rebellious young woman must work together to break a deadly winter enchantment. 

Meghan:

Yes, it's yes, that it that is true. Yes, yes. 

Nicole:

You are correct. The Raven and the Rush by Sarah M. Crottett. Uh that that's what it is. It's real. 

Well, Meghan, I think we can both agree, though our attempts were strong, and this was a fun romp, this is not our drunkest episode ever. 

Meghan:

No. No, although I still would not be able to tell you which one was our drunkest episode ever. Going backward. We're gonna have to try harder. 

Nicole:

We are much, much harder. 

Meghan:

Are there any shots that you can take and be okay with?  None.  The woman says none. How early do we need to get you pre-gaming? 

Nicole:

I probably should start drinking an hour before we record. Okay. The biggest thing will be I'll have to make sure that somebody makes sure. Here's the thing, guys…when I’m sober, I forget to hit record, it's a real issue, okay? And you're probably like, God, Nicole, it's just a podcast. Just hit record. But here's the thing, kids. You get into this recording session and all the things, and you're so busy checking to make sure the sound is working and everything's uploading and everybody's echo cancellation is on and all the levels are good. And you know what? Sometimes you fucking forget to hit record. So, it's a real struggle, okay? The other challenge here, Meghan, is that we're Wisconsin girls and we're professionals, okay? So you're asking professional drinkers, because that's what Wisconsinites for the most part are. 

Meghan:

Yeah.

Nicole:

Is professional drinkers. You're asking professional drinkers to go ahead and so to get us to a point where we're barely functioning on a podcast, it's gonna take a lot. 

Meghan:

A lot. 

Nicole:

A lot. 

Meghan:

A lot. 

Nicole:

Well, we attempted to make this our drunkest episode ever. We realized we're just um too professional at drinking. And so we will have to try it again some other time. 

Meghan:

Yeah, we're gonna discuss some ways to make this a little more imbibish, drunkish. 

Nicole:

It will probably involve pregaming. 

Meghan:

Yeah. 

Nicole:

Yeah, yeah. 

Meghan:

But I think this was a good start. This was this was a good start. Now we have an outline of how to move forward. 

Nicole:

That's how we wrote it in the playbooks. And hey, bookish biddies, if you have any other drinking game ideas that we can do that would work for a podcast format and help us reach that level of nasty bookish imbibement. Uh, please feel free to comment or DM us or message us. We love hearing from you guys. We're always loving to hear from our audience members. Email us at romanceontheckspodcast@gmail.com. 

Meghan:

Come to our website and all that info is right there. 

Nicole:

DM us, you know, on the instas or the Facebooks. And also, guys, we actually have a drinking game for the podcast. It's been on there for a while. If you want it, all you have to do is subscribe to our newsletter and don't worry, we're not bitches, we're not sending newsletters out every two days. We barely send out newsletters. We send you the drinking game, and we just want you to like listen along and have fun with us. But there is a drinking game, and trust me, you want it. 

Meghan:

Although we kind of are bitches, just not for that particular purpose. Just saying. I think Nicole almost shot some bubbly out her nose.

Nicole:

No.  Oh, but I did just spill. 

Meghan:

Oh!

Nicole:

Okay, end of the podcast, and I finally spilled something. Which that is nothing short of a miracle because when I'm sober, I spill shit, so..  Would you like to do the official outro, Meghan? 

Meghan:

Thanks for joining us today for Romance on the Rocks. Please like, subscribe, and if you are a hopelessly romantic bookish biddie like us, think about giving us a review on Apple iTunes, Spotify, YouTube. And Nicole, what are the other weird ones that I didn't remember or even know existed? 

Nicole:

Oh my god, where we can get our podcast? 

Meghan:

Yeah. 

Nicole:

Oh my god. I just found out you can get our podcast on Pandora and XFM…is it XM Radio..XFM and the whatever. XM serious weirdness is in my husband's truck. That's where you can also get our podcast. Um, and Overcast and all kinds of other things that you and I have never heard of, but we're there.

We're always there.

Meghan:

We are there. You guys, we are there. So wherever you catch our podcasts, give us a review. Say if you like hanging out with us and drinking with us and enjoying romance novels. And until next time, just know that your support really means the world to us. Stay safe and know that you are loved.