Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption
Each episode will feature a conversation between host Rebecca Harvin and foster/adoptive caregivers or members of the community who support foster care and adoption.
Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption
A Journey to Motherhood Through Faith, Infertility, Foster Care and Adoption
Jenn Ditges shares her powerful journey from infertility to motherhood through foster care and adoption, revealing how she came to mother six children after experiencing twelve pregnancy losses.
• Always dreamed of being pregnant since witnessing her mother's pregnancy at age 8
• Received a spiritual promise of having six children while walking in Africa
• Experienced twelve pregnancy losses, with doctors eventually stopping treatment
• Bought a six-bedroom house in faith before having any children
• Turned to foster care after a day of prayer with her husband
• Eventually adopted six children—two sets of twins and two "Irish twins"
• Struggles with the complex emotions of Mother's Day and questions of maternal identity
• Finds strength through faith and community support during grief
• Embraces her unique motherhood journey despite it looking different than expected
"There's nothing wrong with you. There is no sin that you've done that God is punishing you for. You don't know what's on the other side, just fall into the arms of Jesus."
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Hey guys, welcome back to Behind the Curtain. Honest conversations about foster care and adoption. I'm your host, rebecca Harvin, and this is a space for the real, the raw and the redemptive parts of this journey. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to offer a gentle trigger warning. This conversation includes honest discussion about infertility, grief and the emotional complexities of motherhood through foster care and adoption. If you are in a tender place, please take care of your heart and listen only when you are ready.
Speaker 1:My guest on the show today is my dear friend, jen Ditches, a courageous and compassionate mom whose story begins in a place that many know too well infertility. Jen shares how the heartbreak of not being able to grow her family in the way she expected led her and her husband, dave, into foster care and, eventually, adoption. We talk candidly about the layers of loss, the unexpected beauty and the ongoing wrestle with identity. This conversation is tender and deeply human. Whether you've walked through infertility or in the trenches of foster care or you just simply want to better understand the emotional landscape of motherhood that comes in many forms. I am confident that Jen's story will speak to you many forms. I am confident that Jen's story will speak to you. So, with that said, I hope that you enjoy this conversation with my friend.
Speaker 1:Jen Ditches Jen hi, first of all, like I've waited for this podcast because I think your story matters so much that I wanted you in the right spot. Not that I don't think we would be hilarious and make people laugh, but because your journey into motherhood is so beautiful and hard and both things in equal proportions and so when we started talking about like let's do this motherhood series instantly, I was like, oh, I know, I know who needs to speak into this because of how you experience motherhood. So, starting with, you knew you were always going to have six kids. Can you tell us a little bit about how you became a mother?
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 2:I, ever since I was eight years old, I've wanted to be a mom Always. I always wanted to be pregnant. I always wanted to feel a baby inside of me. I, as a young child, got to see my mom be pregnant. My mom incorporated me into her entire pregnancy. I got to go to a class like learning what was going to happen. I got to go into the delivery room. I was eight years old and I just absorbed it and took it all in.
Speaker 1:And you were like this is exactly what I want to do.
Speaker 2:This is amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So fast forward. All of life happens. I'm walking on a road in Africa, up a hill, and God says, jen, you're going to have six kids. And I stopped, kind of looked around like, hello, god, is that you Six? Am I hearing this correctly? I'm going to have six kids. And I mean I would have bet my life on it right then that I was going to have six kids. Again, you think you hear God's voice and then you're like, oh, maybe I'm not so sure.
Speaker 1:Because not married?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Not dating.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And on a trail in Africa.
Speaker 3:Wild, not dating, no, yeah. And on a trail in Africa, wild Of all the places.
Speaker 2:Let's tell Jen she's going to have six kids in Africa on a trail.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wild, yeah, definitely, and so you just kind of sit there and you're like, okay, I have this thing, but it doesn't look like I have this thing.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I just have this thing and then fast forward another couple years. You have met Dave.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You guys get married fairly later in life as far as American standards go, or what you probably anticipated in life, your mid-30s, when you get married and you start trying to have a family, kind of immediately you know that you're having six kids and you know that your biological clock is ticking. I would assume that you don't anticipate any struggle.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:But that is not. That's not how your journey unfolds, I think for the listener, we're about to get into some really tricky territory. So if you have experienced infertility, I just want to give you a heads up that infertility is a part of Jen's story and we're going to proceed with caution. But we want to be very, very aware that this is hard to hear.
Speaker 2:It's hard to live. Yeah, so girls, women, it's hard. It's so hard. You are not alone. Before any of this, I had never really heard anyone's story of infertility or miscarriage or losing a baby. That is not something we talk about for good reason. I mean it's painful. It is painful Like that in and of itself is a huge emotional roller coaster. So if you are on that roller coaster, you are seen and you are loved just the way you are.
Speaker 1:When you say that like that, is that because with infertility comes this like what's wrong with me, because with infertility comes this like what's wrong with me.
Speaker 2:Yes, very much. So what am I doing wrong? And growing up in the church?
Speaker 3:in a logistical church.
Speaker 2:What sin?
Speaker 3:What sin have I?
Speaker 2:done that has caused me not to be able to get pregnant. Yeah, what?
Speaker 3:did I do to not be able to carry?
Speaker 2:a baby. I couldn't say the word infertility for a really long time. That was a big word and I could never say that I was infertile, like that was crushing, like the doctor would say it. But I could not. Infertility was not even a word in my vocabulary, even after I was going through this. So we tried to have a child naturally and I just couldn't get pregnant. Couldn't get pregnant so we made an appointment for a doctor. We were moving to Jacksonville at the time, so we were driving across country and we had it all set up. So we I don't think we drove right there, but in my mind we did we drove right to the infertility clinic.
Speaker 1:From Seattle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we walked in, signed in and the lady said now who are you? I said Jennifer, she's like you missed your appointment. I said no, I didn't. Right here in my phone, my calendar right here, it's right here, see, see. She's like, okay, yeah, I see it. Crazy lady, but that was two hours ago. You're on Jacksonville time. I was like, oh, oh, my God, so I wasn't in Jacksonville time when I put this in the calendar. So I had like built up this courage to go there. Oh, sorry, you missed your appointment, what? But you're going to help me. Like she said, we can make you another appointment. Okay, so we did Came back. They do lots of different tests on Dave too.
Speaker 2:So you're definitely not alone, but you know something has to do with you. Like it takes two people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but in your particular case because of pregnancy, like you could get pregnant, but you couldn't stay pregnant. So, you were carrying this like gigantic burden of. What is wrong with me?
Speaker 2:Somebody answer a question of like give me something to go on here. But even those feelings didn't come until later I had miscarried on my own. Then we go to the infertility clinic and they work you all up and you're ready to go and then I got pregnant. Like sweet isn't this. They helped us get pregnant.
Speaker 2:Now we're going to be pregnant and have a baby, and the next time I would go to check my levels they would be right where, excuse me right, where a woman who wasn't pregnant would be, and they were, and they would just kind of look at me and I was like I lost the baby, yeah, and they wouldn't even have to tell me because, again, google MD, you would know, you would know what had happened. So now this is second time trying. Now you realize that this is not going to be an easy road, that, oh, maybe there really is something wrong. Like you hear of infertility journeys like, but people get pregnant, they just they do. They eventually get pregnant.
Speaker 1:It's so hard.
Speaker 2:And I would get pregnant. It's so hard and I would get pregnant every time, so the hope was always there. And then, days later, by blood test, or how I was feeling, you would know. Or how I was feeling you would know.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:God provided different scholarships for all the medicine that it takes to do infertility treatment. You have to take an exorbitant amount of drugs, or expensive drugs, we'll say Mm-hmm. Or expensive drugs, we'll say, and so I wrote letters and grants to be able to do that at a lower cost. To be able to do it more often and because eventually I'm going to get pregnant. Like God, this is my dream. This is what I've prayed for all my life.
Speaker 1:And you didn't really know a different route.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Right Like this is the way to get pregnant, this is the way to become a mom. And so when did you and Dave kind of look at each other and go? I don't think this is working, because when you and I meet, we meet at a ministry that our church is doing called Adoption, infertility and Foster Care, and you were just starting your foster care journey, but you were also still very much in the middle of your infertility journey, so it wasn't like you put one to bed and then began living the other. You were like at some point you had to have had a conversation where you said, while we do this over here, let's talk about foster care, but before that you buy a house. You buy a house and you buy this gigantic house. Really, honestly, that is a child's playground. Tell us about that experience with the realtor.
Speaker 2:We got to know her and she showed us several different houses and Dave and I could never agree on one. He would like this about this house and I would like this about this house, but it was never the same part of each house, so it was like we are not on the same page. This is so strange, but I've been praying for six bedrooms. I know I grew up a pastor's kid so I know to pray for things that you want, and I always wanted my own bedroom, so I prayed for my own bedroom.
Speaker 1:Every kid gets their own bedroom.
Speaker 2:All the time. Yes, so I prayed for six bedrooms and an office that wouldn't have to be converted to a bedroom. I prayed for numerous bathrooms, a pool I mean, I had my list going on. Like God, this is. I really want these things.
Speaker 1:And a good neighborhood, yeah, safe streets for the kids. I'm sure, yeah, I'm sure that you had a specific price point on that list, actually that you were like for this and no more. I want this house. You are very correct.
Speaker 2:Because God told me how much? Yeah, wait, dave heard that one. He was like what? I was like no, we're not offering any more than this, and he said well, but I said nope.
Speaker 3:This is it.
Speaker 2:This is from the Lord, like guaranteed, this is from the Lord. And he was like well, what about this? And I said, no, it's this price. And no more so you're standing in the hallway with your realtor that has shown you all of these things and she says so how many kids do you have? Both Dave and I kind of chuckle and said none, and the lady looked at us like we were crazy.
Speaker 1:Because rightfully so. Rightfully so, though, at this point you're in your early 40s and you guys are married with no kids. Looking at this house that is literally designed for children and you're like, yeah, it's not a problem, I'm buying this house for my kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:In the middle of miscarriage, after miscarriage, after miscarriage.
Speaker 2:Because eventually it's going to happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And Dave was standing at the end of the hallway and he turned around, looked down the hallway and he said Jen, this is the house.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I said how do you know that? And he said I can see our kids playing in this hallway. I can too, sold. We'll pay you this much and no more. And we really did buy it for only that amount and no more. Months and months later. It took months, but God just showed his provision again.
Speaker 1:So then you guys decide at some point like we're going to foster.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Foster to adopt, foster to foster, foster to see what the Lord is doing. This house is made for kids, so let's put some kids in here while we are waiting to have babies.
Speaker 2:And actually of course it was never that easy.
Speaker 1:It never is.
Speaker 2:Why we had been pregnant maybe eight times by this point.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm learning. Just all right, we need to talk to the Lord about this. So we are learning to take a day. So we stop whatever we're doing, we take a day and both of us just pray. So we had moved into the house and and I remember sitting by the pool. All right, Lord, what do you have for us? Like you told us, six kids, I'm not getting pregnant. What does this mean? Do we go be missionaries and our mom and dad to orphans? Does this mean we are in a youth group and help kids? I mean what? Maybe I Do you?
Speaker 1:have a different definition of motherhood than I have had my entire life, and at this point you're holding the concept of motherhood open.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:This is the first time that you're opening the concept of motherhood Right, holy moly, and I need my husband to be on the same page. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So, god, better speak to both Dave and me 100%. Because this is going to get interesting. So we pray together, we pray separately, we're walking around, and this one didn't even take an entire day. At three or four o'clock, dave said, well, I think I'm hearing foster care, and I was like I am too. All right, well, dave's the one that said it first. I'm pretty sure. Oh my gosh, yes, and this is not in his wheelhouse at all.
Speaker 1:The things that I find out about Dave, they just never cease to shock me. So he comes, he says foster care. You say, oh my God, that's exactly what God told me. You start taking the classes and you get the girls and it's still open. The concept is still open for you.
Speaker 2:I've been pregnant. Quote, unquote two more times.
Speaker 1:So 10 by the time that you get the girls. Jen, that's so much grief.
Speaker 2:And yet I didn't grieve, because you know it's just going to happen sometime, because how else would you have six kids Again? Some people's dream is to have, or just to be, a mom, to have a baby. Mine was to be pregnant, like I wanted to wear paternity clothes. We would joke about it in college like, oh, you're going to wear these kind of clothes, oh, you're going to have these. And all my friends had gotten to do it, but not me. It was my turn. I was now married. I needed crazy pregnancy, mom jeans whatever those are Like.
Speaker 2:That was me. I watched everybody else do it. I watched everybody else do it, and some of them didn't even want to be pregnant again. But that was what I wanted.
Speaker 1:It was going to happen, God just gave us these girls in the meantime. And when they came, how did you feel Meaning? For some people, like when I sit across from like a single mom, that's a moment where they're like oh, I'm a mother for the first time. And I guess my question and I don't actually we've never like really talked about this Did you feel like a mom? Did you feel like a babysitter? Did you feel like a middle person? Like where did you fall on the spectrum of like, oh, I'm a mom for the first time? Or here's these girls. They're kind of strangers. I don't know what to do with them and God has called both of us to this and so we're just going to be faithful.
Speaker 2:That was it.
Speaker 1:That one Okay.
Speaker 2:I think, all right, god, you gave us these kids. Okay, I definitely didn't feel like a mom Because pride classes, the foster classes you have to take. They warn you Like you're not their mom, so I knew, going into it, I'm not their mom. Like you have a different name, you're their mom, so I knew, going into it, I'm not their mom. Like you have a different name, you're never mom. And ours were Mima and Dita.
Speaker 2:And today, right before this podcast, I heard a child in the store say me ma. I heard her say me ma and I stopped for a minute. I said that used to be me. Is that still how I feel? Am I still me, ma, even though they can call me mom? Like who am I really? I struggle with this all the time, all of the time, because our infertility journey did come to an end. My body could no longer handle it and it was actually not Dave or I that said, hey, this isn't working, it was the doctor. The doctor is the one who had to say, hey, you two have given it a gallant effort, like you guys have tried more than any other couple we've ever done. You've given it a go and I'm like but I'm not pregnant Like no, no, no, this happened. You keep going until I'm pregnant.
Speaker 2:Like what do you mean? This is it. This is. And it was at that final try that I carried the baby the longest. That's the one that I lost on the bathroom floor. There was so much pain in my stomach. I knew something was wrong and I knew. I knew that they were twins, a boy and a girl, and they came out of my body. Nobody else could have said they were a boy and a girl, but I knew and I've never laid on a bathroom floor before. It's too cold, but I did. That day that was where I could find comfort, like I knew that it was coming to an end. But I still have my baby or my babies. I guess maybe one dies. Why are they both gone? Why have I now been pregnant 12 times and not been able to carry any of them past two months?
Speaker 2:I had a wonderful church and a wonderful support system and I guess I didn't realize that losing a baby was like taboo, because everybody knew I wanted to be pregnant. The whole church, I think, knew and they knew I was going on this journey. So I don't know how I mean God's God, but he had different people call me or text me or see me every time I would lose a baby. And they said let me carry that for you. I say really, I say yes, I want to carry this grief and this pain for you so you can keep going. So you can keep going. And every single time someone would come alongside of me and I would physically just feel this weight on my shoulders and I would like lift it and like give it to them. Somebody always carried all of my grief, all of my pain, so I could keep going. So now, guess what I'm having to do I get to go back and figure out what it is to grieve those babies.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's hard work.
Speaker 2:Really hard. We had two embryos left and the doctors were like we cannot, we cannot ethically put these inside of you. We cannot do that. So my sister had successfully carried two girls and had no problems at all. So she agreed to be my surrogate. She flew down here. She lives inrogate. She flew down here. She lives in Washington State. She flew down here and we implanted those two embryos into her and we were going to have no problem. She was going to get pregnant, no problem. Again, that brings its own emotional roller coaster of your sister carrying your kids that you can't carry. She's already had two, she's younger, but yet they were going to be Dave and my kids. And the call to say she got pregnant, just like I had gotten 12 times before. You're pregnant. They said you're not pregnant. Everyone was shocked.
Speaker 3:How is it that your sister isn't?
Speaker 1:pregnant because it just doesn't make sense none of it none of it makes sense.
Speaker 2:Now you're giving me twin girls that I get to babysit while their mom gets her life together. Yeah, cool, oh, hey, dave, can I not work twin girls that I get to?
Speaker 1:babysit while their mom gets her life together?
Speaker 2:Yeah, cool. Oh, hey, dave, can I not work? I've always dreamed of being a mom. So we have these two kids. Can we eat peanut butter and jelly? So I don't have to go to work, so I can like pretend to be a mom? Sure, jen, so I was pretending I wasn't a cool aunt, I was just long-term babysitting.
Speaker 1:How does that change, because you later adopt them?
Speaker 2:Yes, we did. They're amazing. I met their mom I would go to visits and their mom when she first met me your name is Jennifer, yes, and your husband's name Dave she's like, oh, this was meant to be. And you kind of look at her. She's like my best friend's name is Jennifer and my first love friend's name is Jennifer and my first love his name was Dave. So it's only fitting that my girls are with somebody named Jennifer and Dave. What do you do with that?
Speaker 1:What do you do? Yeah, Well, you just like look at him and you're like okay, I didn't Okay.
Speaker 2:I'll be out in the waiting room when you guys are done visiting for an hour. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll be here to collect the kids what do you do with that?
Speaker 2:yeah you're me, ma that's who I was.
Speaker 1:Whoever that is, that's who I was you know, when you were saying that earlier, I I'm looking at you and you're like, am I still me, ma? And I know that that is such a struggle, but today you're wearing your mama necklace and I'm like two things can be true. Two things can feel true. Two things can feel true, right, like I struggle with this with our kids, because we fostered for so long that the switch from foster care to adoption has gone slower than I would have anticipated to take root and to be like, oh, a caseworker's not coming to pick up these kids. I can attach to them and I know that that's like one of the things that you question, like sometimes in our porch conversations. So, skipping through some parts of the story, you and Dave have six kids now all six, and we have six kids and we will quite often they will just run rampant in your backyard and we'll send group texts like hey, porch night, and that means after our kids go to sleep, we come over and we drink beverages on the back porch.
Speaker 2:And have a debrief session.
Speaker 1:We have a debrief session and on more than one occasion Dave has been or you have said like, hey, we don't have a biological equivalent for this, so can you help us understand, like, what's going on? Or do you feel like this, or what does this feel like in in a family that has biological children, and so sometimes part of what we do is go yeah, okay, this is like developmentally, like this is this is where. Or yeah, we struggle with this too, or no, we don't feel like this towards our biological children because we have a biological connection and there are some times where you and Dave will go yeah, we don't know what that is.
Speaker 2:And that's really, really hard. That connection that surpasses all understanding has not been there all of the time for me. Yet A mom is so complex, is so much. But when moms talk about seeing themselves in their children and what they are willing to do for their children and how, even when their kid is the worst, they still love them to the core, that's what I was expecting, that's what I wanted, that's what I've always felt as a child. But I can honestly tell you for real that I love all my children deeply, but it's that little extra hump that I don't have.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:When all six are going ham at the same time.
Speaker 2:At the same time, I don't have that little extra, that extra. Hey, this is me and Dave, I don't have that like extra extra Something. I love them and I still love them, but it's like that extra something, I don't know. I don't know what it is, because I don't have it.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I can see other moms have it to admit, probably to myself and to other people when looking or talking about adoption.
Speaker 1:Can I ask if you could put a feeling word on that?
Speaker 2:I need my feelings wheel.
Speaker 1:If we pulled out the feelings wheel and we just sat with that sentence for a second and even if it wasn't a feeling, even if it was just like a, it feels like a loss, or it feels like I was cheated out of something, or it feels like it feels like I'm unequipped.
Speaker 2:It feels like sadness for all my kids, because that's what their mom would have for them. But I don't.
Speaker 1:While you're thinking about the next feeling, I have a friend that says this thing, that exact sentence that you just said, that, in lieu of connection with her kid, that one of the things that kept her going was that they deserve a mom who acts this way towards them, and that's what they would have had. In this particular case, the mother passed away, but it's the thing that kept getting her up out of bed up out of bed, like it kept pushing the ball up the hill was she deserves a mother who is like this to her. And she could look at that and it felt like loss that she didn't experience those feelings towards her child. But it was that exact same thing that you just said, like this is what their mother would have had for them that I can't give them.
Speaker 2:And I imagine all three of my moms, of my kids that they still do in some way.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like Mother's Day is really hard. I feel like I'm a mother because someone else isn't. But yet she bore them like. She will always have the scar of them. She will always have a visual reminder that she carried for nine months. So what is she going through on Mother's Day? How much pain and loss is she feeling? Whether she could keep them or not, that's neither here nor there, but on Mother's Day like they're a mom without their own child, yeah, which is compounded on top of your.
Speaker 1:Am I me-ma or am I mom? Like you, carry that on Mother's Day too. Am I me-ma or am I mom? And so then you wake up on a day that is like just generally designed to be easy or delightful or beautiful or whatever the thing is, and you wake up and it's so complex for you more so, I think, than any other day of the year yeah do you dread mother's day more than any other day of the year? Yeah, I do if it could disappear I'd be fine with it is it the worst?
Speaker 1:because that's what I thought you were gonna say when you were looking for words and I was like I think Jin is about to be kind and she hates Mother's Day. You hate Mother's.
Speaker 2:Day. But I'm so grateful that I had a good mom, yeah, and that I was shown how to be a good mom, that I can be a good mom to these kids and, heck, I'm a mom.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:In some way, shape or form, so I deserve to be celebrated. Yeah 100%, because the stuff they put us through Good. Lord, lord Jesus we need 364 days of celebration, so I don't hate it. Okay, I just don't like it.
Speaker 1:I just kind of wish it didn't exist. I wish I didn't have the feelings that I feel towards it.
Speaker 2:Because it's a lot on a kid as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's so much. It's so much on our kids. There's so much to Mother's Day that I would fast forward in a second in this current iteration of mothering for me.
Speaker 1:I just want to say, as we're wrapping up, we talked about a lot of the hard parts of your journey towards motherhood and that's so much of mothering for you is hard, so it would be a little bit incongruent to sit here and like talk about sunshine and rainbows and butterflies for you in particular, but at the same time I have also seen you come alive in mothering, in motherhood Like there's parts of your personality that are absolutely designed for toddlers.
Speaker 1:It's true, it's absolutely designed, like there's a level of chaos that six kids bring and we didn't have time today to go into this like beautiful story of how each set of these six came. And it's a set of twins, a set of Irish twins, a set of twins. So, dave, again in a shocking move, when they had a set of twin girls and a set of Irish twins right underneath them, ages three, irish twins, right underneath them, ages three, two, one Set of twin girls that were three, a two-year-old, a one-year-old. Dave gets a call that there's these newborn preemie baby boys and he's like yeah. And Dave says and I quote easiest essay ever, said what like Jen? And I just like you're like that's what you wanted to say right then, that that was the easiest, yes, and he's like yeah, it was easy, it wasn't even a question for him, you were leaving town.
Speaker 1:Dave goes and picks up these boys and your family is, for all intents and purposes and we we missed a couple dips here like I fast forwarded through some more of the harder parts. But Dave goes to the hospital, he picks them up and your family is, as you now know it, complete and it's within a couple months the girls turn four and you have six kids, six kids under the age of four, which is like, quite frankly, not how motherhood was intended to be, and so part of your whole journey has been this like not only did I not experience motherhood in the way that other people experience it, but I really didn't, because the makeup in my house doesn't exist biologically. So what do you do with twin boys who are as cute as the day is long and as destructive as the day is long? In the middle of all of this and that's like, man, as exhausting as it was for you, and you're still not even fully recovered from it there's parts of your personality that are, like, exactly designed for it. Your house is exactly designed for this because you're like, you put them in the pool. That's what you do. You put them in the pool.
Speaker 1:Everybody's going swimming for hours today. We're just outside. We're outside, we've got inflatable things. Guys, I'm telling you, their backyard is like a dreamland for kids. You can ask my kids that's. Their favorite place in the world to go is to Jen and Dave's backyard. Okay, wrapping up. Is there anything that you would like to say specifically to the people that are listening to this, because it's an in-depth conversation about infertility?
Speaker 2:There's nothing wrong with you. There is no sin that you've done that, god is punishing you, for you don't know what's on the other side, just fall into the arms of Jesus.
Speaker 1:That's how I make it through each day Still.
Speaker 2:Still it's like all right, jesus, you see me. You said this was going to happen. I think it's a little crazy, but you're here with me and you just I mean, that's all I can do sometimes is you just sit down and your arms are out and you're just like Jesus. Jesus, take me. He has to come and be everything, because there is nothing else.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So that's kind of how I settle it. I guess in my mind, like I am their mom, like this for this season how long is this season? I like there's lots of questions I don't have time to ask myself, so I just, all right, enjoy the moment. Life is a party Like. People are like how do you do it? I'm like with Jesus. They're like what's it like? And I'm like huh, it's a party one way or another. Sometimes I'm crying, sometimes I'm laughing, but it's a party either way, true story, true story.
Speaker 2:Just go with it, because it's what God gave you.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So even when the kids are like, why, why is he my brother? I'm like you're going to have to take that up with God you do tell your kids that.
Speaker 3:I do.
Speaker 2:Because I'm like I don't know. He thought this was a great idea, yeah, so I'm going to go with it because that's what he thought.
Speaker 1:So I think you better too. Here we go. Okay, At the end of every podcast we do a lightning round Three questions. Answer them as fast as you can. Okay. What's on your nightstand?
Speaker 2:Those moisturizing socks.
Speaker 3:Ooh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they're like silicone-y, so they don't look like socks or moisturizing socks.
Speaker 1:Are they helping?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but my kids want to play with them, so they're not really the same.
Speaker 1:They've lost their shape.
Speaker 2:Yes, which is why, at this point, they could be really anything you want them to be. Yeah, it's a party at our house. I'm telling you one way or another.
Speaker 1:What book or podcast are you enjoying right?
Speaker 2:now Haven Behind the Curtain. Okay, yeah, yeah Because that's all I have time for. In my dreams I have like, oh, this and this and this, but I don't have time.
Speaker 3:No books, no podcast, no I can't focus that much.
Speaker 1:And then the last question is what is bringing you life right now?
Speaker 2:Laughter. What gives me life is just laughter, like let's do this thing, let's go. It's a party.
Speaker 3:It's a party.
Speaker 1:We'll catch you on the beach with an umbrella drink in our hand, because we're about to go have a party. No, I'm just joking.
Speaker 2:It's always a party. It's been a party.
Speaker 1:It's always a party, awesome Thanks. Thanks for having me on.
Speaker 2:This was very fun.