Aging with Purpose and Passion

Denise Pyles: From Nun to Mindfulness Coach and Corporate Success at Microsoft

• Beverley Glazer • Episode 109

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What happens when a former nun finds her calling in the corporate world? Join me, Beverley Glazer, as we unravel the awe-inspiring journey of Denise Pyles, a dedicated mindfulness coach and former nun whose life is a testament to resilience and purpose. Raised in a large Catholic family, Denise learned the values of love, service, and faith early on, which guided her through formidable health challenges like chronic endometriosis. These trials didn't deter her; instead, they led her to discover mindfulness, a practice that became her anchor as she embarked on a completely new path outside the convent.

Denise's story takes an unexpected yet empowering turn as she transitions from a nurturing religious community to the bustling corridors of Microsoft. Her leap of faith, fueled by determination and inner strength, demonstrates the power of perseverance. Despite countless rejections, she finally secured a role at Microsoft, where she enjoyed a fulfilling 14-year career. Denise's journey is a profound example of how being "all in" can lead to transformative opportunities, showcasing the strength to pivot while remaining true to one's core values.

The episode also offers practical insights into incorporating micro mindfulness techniques into our fast-paced lives. Denise shares valuable strategies, such as the 15-second pause, to help cultivate calmness and clarity without demanding significant time commitments. We discuss the fears and uncertainties of life changes, emphasizing self-awareness, the support of mentors, and maintaining an open mindset. Denise invites listeners to explore mindfulness further, offering resources and encouraging connections through her website and social media. Together, let's celebrate living with purpose and passion, and embrace the journey of aging with enthusiasm and intention.

Thank you for joining us. If you liked this conversation, please drop us a review and  forward the episode to a friend.

Resources:
Denise Pyles

denise@denisepyles.com
https://denisepyles.com/
https://www.facebook.com/DenisePylesAuthor
https://www.instagram.com/denpyl/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/denisepyles/
https://denisepyles.substack.com/

Beverley Glazer:

https://reinventimpossible.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverleyglazer/
https://www.facebook.com/beverley.glazer
https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenover50rock
https://www.instagram.com/beverleyglazer_reinvention/

https://calendly.com/reinventimpossible/15min

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host. Psychotherapist coach and empowerment expert Beverly Glazer. Psychotherapist coach and empowerment expert.

Beverley Glazer:

Beverly Glazer. What happens when a nun decides to leave the community and find a job in the corporate world? This story is filled with empowering twists. Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer and I empower women to overcome challenges in life and in business with renewed purpose, and you can always find me on reinventimpossiblecom. Denise Pyles is a mindfulness coach and she specializes in micro-mindfulness techniques to prevent burnout. Denise survived health issues, financial struggles and she completely reinvented herself. Denise is an author with a corporate career at Microsoft and, as I mentioned before, denise Piles is a former nun. Thank you for joining me, denise.

Denise Pyles:

Thank you, beverly, it's great to be here, and thank you, listeners, for joining us today.

Beverley Glazer:

Thank you. You have quite a story. What was it growing up in a family with seven children?

Denise Pyles:

Growing up in a family with seven children. So I tell family and friends today it was a life of fun and dysfunction altogether, being a family of seven and my parents were of the baby boomer generation. My dad was a World War II veteran and my mom was a secretary during the war and then became a full-time mom. So it was having both of them growing up. But the root of them they were both Catholic and the Roman Catholic in the tradition. So we were rooted in both love and in service and giving back. My older brother had polio when he was two and my mom.

Denise Pyles:

I remember as a child at nine years old walking around the neighborhood with her collecting for the March of Dimes. It was an organization and I asked her I said why are you doing this? And she said it's important. They were the only organization that helped us when Tom had polio and it's all important about giving back and serving. So that was what it was like growing up. We lived in a small house of 1300 square feet and shared one bathroom. So we dealt with a lot of stuff, worked out a lot of stuff and got along in a small space and I think that was the roots of how to live community and how to get along with people. So I have fond memories of wonderful memories. It was hard but it was fun and I work through, grateful to therapy for working through the dysfunction and continue to work through that. It's a lifelong journey in living our purpose with passion as well as our imperfections.

Beverley Glazer:

Absolutely Dealing with that and letting all that past go. Yes, the ugly stuff. So how did faith shape your early years? Yes, giving back, but what about faith?

Denise Pyles:

So faith was the root for both of my parents, but they practiced their faith, expressed their faith in the Roman Catholic tradition in different ways, but both of them and they instilled in us that what's important is our relationship with our higher power. However we name our higher power that, be that God. And for us as Roman Catholics it was God, jesus, the spirit and but this. But for them it was like you choose as you get older. You choose your own religion or how you express that, but they really stressed to have that relationship because faith was important in getting through life. I'm also growing up, I'm an adult child of an alcoholic, so the sense of the 12 step program and that also shaped in the sense of my theological studies before I became a nun, of understanding the power greater than ourselves, and so it touches my core values. Of love is a core value and service and as a Christian it was like the first commandment is you shall love, and Jesus says you shall love your neighbor as yourself. It was the and in the, both of them.

Beverley Glazer:

And Catholic school must have also influenced your path.

Denise Pyles:

Yes, I. I went to an all Catholic grade school and then an all girls Catholic high school and I I felt very fortunate to have really good adult mentors as teachers and throughout all of my education. And the great thing about the high school is that the nuns and the priests who served there. They felt so genuine and real, like they got us as teenagers, as hormonal teenage girls. They understood the struggle and empowered us to really pay attention and live our best. I remember taking a class in social justice and the priest who taught the class. He said when you graduate from college, go out and see the world, get out of your Catholic circle and see the world and let it shape you and change you and help you grow. He was very inspiring and, again, some of the teachers were nuns were the same way. So I grew up with very positive experiences of people in religious life.

Beverley Glazer:

And that's probably one of the reasons you wanted to become a teacher.

Denise Pyles:

Yes, a teacher and a nun, and to inspire other people. When I was a nun, what was my purpose or reason why? It was to love and to serve others, and to do that in community, because I was doing that as a child, loving and serving, and in a community of nine people, as a family, growing up.

Beverley Glazer:

True, it's true. And then health issues impacted you?

Denise Pyles:

Yes, so for listeners. You know, in the sense of our journey of life, life happens to us and we choose how to respond. And one of those things of life happening to us is I have chronic endometriosis and during the time when I was a nun, I was a nun for eight years. Six of those years was a surgery, one per year and dealing with chronic pain and again leaning on lessons in mindfulness. Being a nun we called it contemplation, but really trying to be present and to be with what is happening and to move through that pain and find purpose and meaning in that. But it was a struggle and it was. You know, this frustration cycle of the hysterectomy was surgery number three and for most women it's over by that time. But I'm the fortunate person of 10% of women. Endometriosis grows outside the uterine wall and it's a lifelong struggle.

Beverley Glazer:

And it continued to be a struggle, I'm sure because you grew up in a family you loved children. You couldn't now have children. How did you wrap your head around that?

Denise Pyles:

I remember the first surgery I had, which was to go in and check and it could have been a total hysterectomy. And I remember sitting at a Sunday liturgy and watching children and I just burst into tears and I realized that, yes, I've chosen this life, but all of the hardware for the possibility to bear life will be gone. And so then I thought, do I? So? It really was a moment of discernment for me even at that point in religious life do I want to do this, or am I really called to have children? And then I really sat with that for a while and I said, no, this is my life.

Denise Pyles:

And if that changes and I want to have children, I know that there are other possible ways to do that. And how can I still bear life? In who I am and in what I do, and so my purpose, my intention and how I live is rooted in that, in that sense of being a woman and being mother in some way, that nurturing mother and a woman that I am and that I have learned from my family. I have five sisters and two. I'm one of five sisters and two brothers, so it was like there was a lot of maternal love and paternal love in the family.

Beverley Glazer:

And you were part of that community and there was love and there was teaching, and and you were nurtured, even in that community, when you were so very young. Why did you decide to?

Denise Pyles:

leave. So the health reasons, I think, caught up with me after the sixth surgery. And so, very young, why did you decide to leave? So the health reasons, I think, caught up with me after the sixth surgery. And so the community I belonged to. You're right, they were very supportive and very loving, and it was life-giving in so many other ways.

Denise Pyles:

When I looked at the whole picture though the sense of a community that's global and the opportunity to travel and to be uprooted and move on, I had to take a hard look of saying I need to be grounded, with physicians and doctors that can help me along the journey, along the way. And so I made a very hard decision to leave, because it was my life, it was my education, I got my Master's of Divinity and I was serving as a Director of Worship. Everything of my life felt wholly integrated, except for my health, and that's a big issue. And so it's a signal to say maybe I need to get off this train and trust that if I'm called to love and serve, I will do it in another way, and I made that decision to leave after eight years.

Beverley Glazer:

It's a huge, huge, huge decision.

Denise Pyles:

Yes, At any point in one's life, those relationships, those life core life decisions that we make that can change us and pivot us in either way are huge.

Beverley Glazer:

Yes that we make that can change us and pivot us in either way, are huge. Yes, when you left, the world is a really hard place. Yes, how were you able to transition here? You left this cloistered community with love and strength and support. And now what? What did you?

Denise Pyles:

do. It was hard. It was a hard transition and I did have support from family and friends, and the nuns as well, to sort of make that gradual transition to secular life. And the image I used to people as a signal to really make a pivot to change was a jar of peanut butter. Because when I left I was still doing church work full time as a director of worship, as a layperson, and I was struggling to make ends meet, to pay rent, pay, health insurance etc. And so I was cutting, being as frugal as possible, and for a period of three months I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for my meals.

Denise Pyles:

And at one point I just sort of stopped and saw the jar of peanut butter and says I need to do something different because I cannot sustain my diet and budget. And so it was like it was this again breakthrough moment that said I need to pivot and change. And so within me I felt, because of living my life as a nun I truly believe this that I felt empowered with courage and confidence to change when I needed to. And so I made that pivot at midlife, with zero business experience to the corporate world. That was the scariest thing I have done in my life and I hope it's the only scariest thing I do in my life moving forward. But I knew I had to change because, if not, I knew it was a life of dire poverty and probably homelessness if I continued, continued on that pace.

Beverley Glazer:

So you were desperate. Yes, and why Microsoft? I mean, that is such a contrast it is Microsoft.

Denise Pyles:

At the time I was doing lay ministry, I was working at a church in Redmond, washington and a lot of parishioners and people in the community were working at Microsoft or former alum of Microsoft who had worked with Bill Gates, and they were great people and I connected with their reasoning and logic and drive and I said to myself well, if I want to pivot to the corporate world, I want to work for the best, because I've heard stories and I wanted to work for Microsoft, and so I sought out coaching from some of them and they said go for it. But they all sort of smiled like you know, like it's probably slim to impossible, but we support you, kind of thing. And so I thought and the other thing is a lot I had read a Greek story of Greek legend and this is my just contemporary interpretation of that story is of a general in an army going to fight a battle from one island to the next, a Greek isle, and the boats, the canoes and stuff they row to shore to the island to fight and he tells them burn your boats. And they're looking at him. And so they do that under orders. They go and fight the battle and they win. And then they said to the general now what we're stuck here? And he said it doesn't matter.

Denise Pyles:

And I said well then, why did you ask us to burn the boats? Because he said I wanted you to be all in If you knew you had an escape to go back, and I wanted you to be all in to win this battle. And we did, and now this is our home. So it was that for me, choosing to pivot to corporate was a burning of the boat moment for me. So I was all in and I knew that if someone gave me a chance that I would show up with my best and do my best and I was okay, no matter how I landed. If it was only for a day or a month or whatever, I would be okay with the outcome. So that's how I decided to pivot. It took a couple of years to get to Microsoft and I worked in several startups or friends helped me in getting some jobs in corporate. And then I applied 44 times at Microsoft. 43 were rejections and I had one manager who gave me a chance and that made all the difference.

Denise Pyles:

And I've been here 14 and a half years and continuing and it's very grateful for that opportunity amazing, but it's your faith and your perseverance that got you there and that story I love that story yes, it is, it's and it's one of those things that it's, it's this inner strength within us, and I think all of us have that, and it's how we are self-aware and how we are like being a nun. It was like being comfortable in your own skin and learning to grow to embrace all of that your imperfections, your strengths and holding all of that with grace and love, self-love, and then moving forward in that Like kind of what Viktor Frankl says like you know, we can't control a lot, but we can choose how we respond, and that's been very core to again, to my values.

Beverley Glazer:

And you must have noticed a lot of burnout at Microsoft. I did Busy, busy place. Yes Is that what inspired you to write your book burn without burning out yes, a couple of things inspire.

Denise Pyles:

That is that one during covid, there was a lot of burnout. People were working ridiculous hours at a ridiculous pace even though we were awfully remote at home and sort of that mentality. If you remember, during covid, oh we'll be off work for two weeks and then it turned into two years and two and a half, etc. And so I was really my paying attention to the meetings that I was in, that people people were either chippy or just burned out or struggling and and the sense of myself all throughout my career in the tech world is learning the people skills I learned, but also the mindfulness in writing and what would help help people. Because I thought mindfulness as a nun we called it contemplation, but it's the same thing being present in the moment without judgment, taking it all in and engaging in the moment. But I thought I can meditate and sit for hours, but who has time for that in today's world? It feels like we're in this ball pit in a bouncy house, everything coming at us. So how do we know how to focus on the right ball and let everything else go? So I've worked through kind of read through my journals as a nun, worked through what were those techniques? And I came up with seven and I call them micro mindfulness because they're like small activities. You can do that, you know, don't need any tools, you have it all within you to do this and it's. You can do it without a, without adding one more thing to your calendar.

Denise Pyles:

And so I started practicing them on people and talking to people about how do you deal with burnout and how do deal, and we all have different ways. Burnout hits us. The most common one, at least for me, is like I'm just exhausted, fully exhausted emotionally, mentally, spiritually, even though I get enough sleep, exercise and eat well. Then I know, okay, something's up. And then I ask myself, okay, who do I need to talk to?

Denise Pyles:

A doctor for my physical health, a therapist for my mental health or a spiritual director for my spiritual health? A doctor for my physical health, a therapist for my mental health or a spiritual director for my spiritual health? And I've been journaling since high school, so those tools helped me create and I said I'm going to write this book about how to help people and what I'm learning is not only helping people in tech, but it's helping everyone as a tool, and that's why I call it micro-mindfulness. It's sort of habit stacking that James Clear does, says in Atomic Habits, of habit stacking some activities that can help us improve our well-being, be fully present and embrace the world as our full, loving, strong self rooted in purpose rooted in purpose.

Beverley Glazer:

So it's perfect because it's micro Right. And in our busy, busy world, the first thing we say is I have no time, I can't meditate, it's my mind is too quick, I don't want to calm it down, I have things to do. And you give one little micro technique, micro mindfulness, because those are techniques that you could do every day, anytime, at your desk, all the time. So what would you tell someone? A quick little micro technique.

Denise Pyles:

Yes, I tell people you have time for mindfulness. Even when you say my mind's racing, I don't have time, I said yes, you do. For example, waiting in line, waiting in traffic, pivoting from one meeting to the next, and so those may be a minute or more. But if you've not tried mindfulness before, I suggest you can do micro mindfulness in 15 seconds, and I can. A story I was at several meetings with colleagues in leadership.

Denise Pyles:

We were back-to-back meetings to try to solve engineering requirements that were behind schedule and by the third meeting which I was leading, I could tell people were really short with each other. We were stressed. You could feel it and see it in the calls that happened on virtually. So when I started the meeting I said let's just pause. I'm going to be a timer for 15 seconds. Can we be all be on camera and you don't have to say anything but just be on camera, I'll time. It Just take 15 seconds of silence to breathe or just be present so we can all be in the room to talk about this agenda.

Denise Pyles:

And I said go and I timed 15 seconds and when I stopped one of the executives said to me wow, I didn't know I needed that, thank you 15 seconds silence of pausing intentionally, just to say I'm in line waiting, I'm frustrated by traffic, I'm stopped. I'm going to take 15 seconds and you can set on your phone Now you can set your timer for 15 and an alarm to come off. Do that and say I just want to be here. Breathe, scan your body. Where do you feel tension? Breathe and let it go, and if you have time for more than it's like, then the light changes or something else goes forward. That's one simple thing and it's a pivot transition moment, without any adding it to your calendar, but it takes the intention and the presence to do that.

Beverley Glazer:

Yes, yes, great. That's a terrific tip. Anybody can do it and I know because I use these little techniques and they work. Yes, if people are just wondering about it, give it a try. But, like you said, you have to set the intention, because if you don't, if you don't make it a habit, it's not going to happen. Yes, but that's great, great advice. What if somebody considering a career change or a life change and they say you know, I'm too old, I cannot do that, I am scared? What would you tell them?

Denise Pyles:

So thank you I for those listening. I said all those questions to myself at 45, when I pivoted to midlife, for a career change. I'm too old, I'm scared. What can I do? I'm a former, you know maybe not a lot of people may see this I'm a former nun. I, you know, I have a degree. I have a master's degree. It's not the right degree.

Denise Pyles:

You know all of the self-talk that can convince me that this is not the right way to go. And yet what I would say is let make that list and then let it go and then really sit. How are you in your own self-awareness? What are those strengths that are so rooted within us, despite all of that negative self-talk? And I found mentors and friends, kind of like my board of directors of a career change, that I would check in with them, just as kind of this helpful boundary of that. So that would be my recommendation.

Denise Pyles:

I can't tell you what to do or what career change to happen, but no matter where that goes, I can. At least for me it was an incredible learning process. It was a scary process, but that just the courage to take the next step, to do the next training, to go all in as this open learning mindset, to say I'm willing to grow, I'm willing to change. It may not be perfect, it probably looks really ugly and I probably messed up a lot, but people saw that I was hungry to learn and hungry to grow, and that's what I would say. Find that hunger within you and let that basically eat at you to change in a good way, because that's where your purpose is.

Beverley Glazer:

Terrific advice, mindfulness coach and the author of Burn Without Burning Out Seven Micro Mindfulness Habits for Clear Thinking, decisive Action and Recovery from Burnout. Her mission is to empower others to find nurturing stillness in a very distracted world. Where can people find you, denise?

Denise Pyles:

Thanks, Beverley, and thanks everyone for listening. You can find me on denisepilescom. That is my website. I have lots of free resources there and also the place that you can link to go buy my book, which is available on Amazon and across the globe, and I'm also on all social media. You can find me on LinkedIn, on Twitter, medium and Substack, and I also offer a free weekly newsletter just to provide three micro mindfulness tips every week and also a paid subscription if you'd like to learn more, go deeper in learning micro mindfulness habits. So that's where you can find me. I'd love, I would love hearing your stories of how you're practicing mindfulness, living your purpose and passion, and I really appreciate you listening today. Thank you.

Beverley Glazer:

Thank you. Thank you so very much. All Denise's links are going to be in the show notes and they're also going to be on my site too, and that's reinventimpossiblecom. And now, my friends, what's next for you? Are you just going through the motions or are you really passionate about your life? Get my weekly self-coaching tips to empower you through your journey, and that link will also be in the show notes too. You can connect with me, Beverley Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook that's Women Over 50 Rock, and if you think I can help you in any way connect those dots to your purpose and your passion, please schedule a quick Zoom, and that also links in the show notes below. Thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Subscribe so you don't miss out on the next one, and send this episode to a friend. And always remember that you have one life, so live it with purpose and passion.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, www. reinventimpossiblecom and, while you're there, join our newsletter Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life.