Recovery Diaries In Depth
Welcome to Recovery Diaries In Depth; a mental health podcast that creates a warm, empathic, and engaging space for discussions around mental health, empowerment, and change. Executive Director and podcast host Gabe Nathan brings a unique combination of lived experience with mental health challenges, years of independent mental health and suicide awareness advocacy, and an understanding of the inpatient psychiatric millieu as a former staff member at a psychiatric hospital. This extensive background helps him navigate complex and nuanced conversations with a diverse array of guests, all of whom are vulnerable and engaged; doing their utmost to eradicate mental health stigma through advocacy, storytelling, and open conversation.
Guests who have previously contributed a mental health personal essay read their essays aloud during the podcast and then chat with Gabe about what has changed in their lives since their essays were published on the site. By engaging in deep discussions with people living with mental health challenges like bipolar disorder, trauma histories, addiction issues, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive or eating disorders, Recovery Diaries in Depth further carries out Recovery Diaries' mission to #buststigma by showing people that they are not alone, instead of just telling them. This mental health podcast features guests from all over the world and, while their own personal experiences are unique, the human experience is what unites, inspires, and connects. Subscribe, like, share, and enjoy!
Recovery Diaries In Depth is supported in full by the van Ameringen Foundation.
Recovery Diaries In Depth
Filmmaking, Friendships, and Autism with Reed Smith | RDID; Ep 111
Reed Smith is a man of many talents, skills, abilities, and interests. He is a filmmaker, a screenwriter, a podcast host, and a creative, talented man. He is also living with autism. Recovery Diaries is committed to featuring a diverse array of autism spectrum stories, and Reed's journey is exciting and engaging, as you will see in this latest episode of Recovery Diaries in Depth.
In 2017, Recovery Diaries made a film about Reed's interests in screenwriting called "Living with Autism: A Screenwriter's Story" but our relationship with Reed actually goes back quite a bit further. Reed met our Executive Director and podcast host, Gabe Nathan, back when Gabe was working at a non-profit performing arts center for children and Reed, then 14, was Gabe's student in acting and writing classes. Gabe is fond of saying that he learned far more from Reed than Reed did from him and he never forgot Reed's interest in creative storytelling and film.
Fast forward to Reed's early twenties; he was in film school and interned at FreshFly, Recovery Diaries's filmmaking partner in all our documentary films. There Reed was able to gain hands-on, practical experience in documentary filmmaking, and Reed's interest in various genres only blossomed.
Reed is currently navigating post-production on an ambitious film he made about making, keeping, and navigating friendships as a person with autism. We are already looking forward to having Reed back on RDID once his film is complete!
It was such a joy bringing Reed back for a podcast interview to talk about his life, his thoughts on cinema (he has many, and expresses them enthusiastically and earnestly in his own podcast, "Cinema on the Spectrum.") his experiences with bullying and the intricacies and nuances of friendship in this wide-ranging and thought-provoking podcast interview between two friends with shared interests and passions.
Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.
Hello, this is Recovery Diaries In-Depth. I'm your host, Gabe Nathan. Thanks so much for joining us. We're very happy to have you here. I'm so excited to have as our guest today Reed Smith. Way back when, reed was a camper of mine at a creative arts day camp, later in his life he did an internship with Fresh Fly Films and Glenn Holsten, who makes all of our documentary films here at Recovery Diaries. He's making a film of his own right now that's in post-production, about his life maintaining friendships, and he has a podcast called Cinema on the Spectrum.
Gabriel Nathan:Each week we'll bring you a Recovery Diaries contributor folks who have shared their mental health journey with us through essay or video format. We want to see where they are in their mental health journey since initially being published on our website. Our goal is to continue supporting our diverse community by having conversations here on our podcast to follow up and see what has shifted, what has changed and what new things have emerged. We're so happy to have you along for this journey. We want to remind you to follow our show for new and back episodes at recoverydiariesorg. There, like the podcast, you'll find stories of mental health, empowerment and change. You can also sign up for our mailing list there so you never miss a new podcast episode, essay or film, and you can find this podcast pretty much anywhere you get your podcasts. We appreciate your comments and feedback about our show. It helps us improve, make changes and grow. And, of course, make sure to like, share and subscribe. Reed Smith, thank you so much for being on Recovery Diaries In-Depth. It's so great to see you.
Reed Smith:Great to be here, Gabe. Thank you so much for having me.
Gabriel Nathan:Well, it's a delight and I you know. Rather than me introducing you, I'd like you to introduce yourself to us in the way that you see fit. Who are you?
Reed Smith:to us in the way that you see fit. Who are you? Well, right now, I'm somebody who was a past participant in OC87 Recovery Diaries, when it used to just kind of show to show videos and not its podcasts.
Reed Smith:In 2017, I did an interview with the filmmaker who has often done videos on OC87 Recovery Diaries, glenn Holston, talking basically about a screenplay that I haven't really worked on a long time but felt like a cool thing for me to do.
Reed Smith:That really meant something to me at the time, and I was doing it while I was working on getting into certain film graduate schools, and so a big development that's happened to me since doing that Recovery Diaries film, which is all still worth seeing is I have gotten, in fact, into film graduate school. I was actually a part of the School of Visual Arts social documentary program, which I'm afraid is not there anymore, but I had two wonderful years really working there and made some good films that I'm proud of, and then, after I graduated from that program, there is a film I'm working on right now. I now am one of the hosts of a podcast known as Cinema on the Spectrum known as Cinema on the Spectrum where me and another friend who has autism like me, discuss certain movies from certain directors, and we started with a focus on David Cronenberg and our final David Cronenberg film just came out last Thursday, where we reviewed his last film, and that was all been quite an interesting experience that I'll be happy to talk more about.
Gabriel Nathan:Wow. So you have a lot going on. You are a writer, you are making and producing and directing films. You've studied filmmaking, you have a podcast and there's a lot of ground to cover Reed, and I just want to start with something related to the film that you're making now about maintaining friendships. Now, that's what I want to touch on. You're someone who lives with autism.
Reed Smith:Yeah autism?
Gabriel Nathan:Yeah, and I'm curious to know if you believe that maintaining friendships as someone with autism presents unique or different challenges.
Reed Smith:Well, I think there are certain ways that maybe autism has affected my ability to make friends that I don't kind of put denial into. Sometimes I'm a little bit confused on how it's all affected and as I look at what I've done, as I've kind of come to the latest cut right now of my film and as it's all getting done, while I specifically state that I have autism, I'm not really sure there's anything quite I touched on in the film that only really maybe the audience can speculate. And I mean you'll see a little bit more of what I'm talking about hopefully when the film is done where it specifically kind of altogether states that this struggle specifically happened because I have autism. And well, and there's many things about the definition and what it all means. That I think remains complicated. I think another thing, that theme I really touch on my film is the big, certain similarities I may have with people who don't have autism but also the people who have certain differences and the similarities and the differences between me and other people with autism. That's all real kind of like complicated to understand.
Reed Smith:I think there are some who kind of like had maybe it's because they have more severe autism or because they've had other struggles, who may have kind of had a lot things a lot worse when it came to like dealing with that struggle involving friendship. The woman who was the head of the autistic support program in my elementary school which I wasn't really a part of until fourth grade and was just there from fourth grade to fifth grade before I graduated she really asserted that she knows a lot of autistic people who have a lot of friends and maybe some of them do it in a different way and some have different feelings and there's different things that all different things can mean. I mean, I think I myself and somebody who kind of keeps going through now different feelings now, as I did in the past, of like really wanting to reach out with people and to have a lot of good experiences and making connections, but also then there's that other part of me that's kind of like what's my damn time to just kind of relax a little bit by myself before kind of then getting back out there and being a little bit more social. So there's a lot of different feelings that vary. I mean, I think one thing I give a vague hint about in the film but don't touch on as the theme directly, that one thing that was recurrently true of me in kind of like preschool and elementary school is that, like most of those days on the playground, I did just kind of spend time by myself and I think there was a lot of different variety of reasons for that and I probably did way too much of while.
Reed Smith:I think I'd really utilize the time to think, as I think now who I've not contacted while it seems kind of worth contacting in recess could be all a good time to contact them and talk with them. I think there still would be some days where at recess where, if I felt like I had enough social time, maybe I just kind of want a certain time to just kind of relax and think about things for myself and maybe, as I've come to the thoughts, maybe I'll be able to ready to interact some more, which I think I go through some different feelings when I've had intense conversation with somebody, whether it is through a friend or a family member.
Gabriel Nathan:It's really interesting and I want to talk a little bit more about like elementary and middle school. Um, I'm uh, when I was in elementary and middle school, I was bullied um a lot, um for lots of different reasons, and I think that that made me want to withdraw and be more in my own head, because I think I was a little bit afraid of taking a risk and being vulnerable and interacting with someone and maybe they would hurt me emotionally or physically or whatever. And I'm wondering if that was true for you, did you experience any bullying when you were like elementary and middle school age and how did that affect you?
Reed Smith:Well, gabe, so that is a big thing that I really touch on. I really do. Kind of bullying is quite the big theme to my film, of bullying is quite the big theme to my film. And I don't know entirely, gabe, what your story is, but here's all the complications in my stories. Two of my bullies were actually at different points, I think my closest friend, and they're different and complicated in different ways.
Reed Smith:So, Gabe, I say I have a friend named David, but I don't think I really touched on how, uh, the very first day of starting first grade he's kind of one of the first guys we see I saw at the bus stop and we kind of all connected with the family and we all turned out to be in the same class and he was all my first friend started out and I think there was many ways in that first grade year we would have a good friendship, as I talked about in the film, how we bonded over this Spider-Man video game that people look nostalgically on over the years that came out in 2000. That was kind of the first 3D interactive world and I think both me, my mom and cousin were just talking about yesterday, if we really want to include a scene about how happy David and I were bonding over the Spider-Man video game and I can't remember even exactly in first grade how much I remembered having at least some bad experiences with him. I'm not sure if he did quite the same real mean things to the same extent that he did within the Arrowhead camp that we were a part of right after first grade. That I talk about to the film to some degree and I don't touch on, I think, everything that happened with our bullying experience. But one thing I do really talk about in the film is kind of like when, after we really bonded over that Spider-Man video game I'm not sure if he did the language exactly, but we have a kind of like play acting, kind of rehearsal of the scene of how he did that said something bad about it I just sort of ended up saying that he the experiences of maybe times he was mean to me when we were in first grade versus Arrowhead Camp.
Reed Smith:I can say for sure that I do think Arrowhead Camp did sort of mark this contrasting change of us, kind of like really losing something that was good to our friendship and what one of the big developments that happened the film is.
Reed Smith:I did in fact, uh interview david actually really, and talked with him all about these experiences that he had and while he didn't remember doing this, he believed he did it and was sorry about it, and he did um think that that while he was seeing himself as somebody who likes so him feeling like he shouldn't either, and that, basically, was somewhat my analysis going in, because I didn't really touch on this in my film, this in my film I remembered uh, uh, another friend that him and I mutually had and us kind of like all bonding over these couple of different spider-man video games that these two had, that were all kind of like, uh, a part of a franchise, and remembering all the kind of like the good times of that. And so I think maybe not having that friend, amongst other various reasons, and there was just a lot about just Arrowhead camp. I haven't even really kind of touched on on my film. That I think is really awful in itself.
Reed Smith:There were these counselors there who said if you guys uh don't do this, we will uh dress you guys up as girls. There were guys, there were counselors who did things like uh threaten us if we didn't play this game right, they would put us into the girl scout area. So just a lot of clearly I don't know how it's doing today A lot of clearly anti-trans, anti-guys being friends with girls. I don't know just even real homophobic issues going on there that I don't know how it's being looked on with how much our time and culture has changed really. So there's a lot we've kind of touched on and got into Gabe with all that.
Gabriel Nathan:Yeah, but well, hopefully the atmosphere at that camp is a lot different now and thank you for sharing those experiences, reed. It's really hard when a friend kind of turns on you, you know you think they're one thing, and then whether they're influenced by their peers or other kinds of external pressures, and then that can be really hard. But I think it's also really cool that you interviewed David later as an adult, and I've had this experience with two bullies Dan and Alex were bullies to me when I was younger and then I became very good friends with one of them late in life and it's just, it's a nice reminder that people can change, that people have the capacity to change for the better. So thanks for pointing that out too. I want to transition to kind of talking about movies. I would love to know is there a film that you particularly love where autism plays a role in the film? Maybe the main character is someone who has autism spectrum disorder or someone else in the film, or it's what the film is about. Can?
Reed Smith:you think of any film like that? Well, there are. I will say things about. There are a lot of things about Rain man, Gabe. I will say that I do love I don't.
Reed Smith:I do think, as we were talking about similarities and differences before, who Dustin Hoffman is is very different from who I am. I think there's a lot that says that. I guess I hint at somewhat in the film about how the definition of autism changes all the time and what it means, means. But I think to get at maybe the character who I feel kind of the most alike, who at least felt very strongly he had autism, was the character that uh and I'm funny spoiling this in the tv show parenthood, when Ray Romano's character did some certain readings after he had mentor of uh, been a mentor worked in this photography shop and he was looking out for somebody who had autism. And when, uh, some, and when things didn't go wrong with the schedule and this kid with autism started to act badly about it, then Max, the kid with autism's father, would give Ray Romano's character and Ray Romano's character's name is Hank a book about autism and when he read the book he really felt very strongly that autism did kind of really reflected who he was and that really made him on a mission to kind of think about what he can do to make his life better.
Reed Smith:And while I had always kind of been seen at least maybe even before fourth grade when I was a part of the autistic support program at least as having a learning disability of some sort, there were, I think, different moments. Maybe it was in ninth grade when I actually thought about another friendship who's a little bit happens, a little bit more recurrently going on in the film than David, Josh, and about the impacts of that relationship. That always kind of made me kind of think a lot about what different changes I guess I can always make into my life. And I guess I do always have even the questions whether it's something to do with my personal experiences and I do think, as you say, Gabe, maybe like the bullying is playing a role whether it's the bullying experiences I've had with Josh and David, certain different ways that kind of like lead me to think about just kind of what to change, about who I am and what to do better. And there are certainly other things going on in Hank's life.
Reed Smith:Well, I do think another big part of what did happen within Hank's story and why he wasn't diagnosed with autism not knowing he had autism sooner is how much that kind of caused all sorts of tensions between him and the wife he was divorced, already have autism and how that he felt that led for their difficulties in communication to not always have the best relationship, and it is possible that did kind of all impact me in certain other relations, all impact me in certain other relations, and I guess, like there's certain things within my film that were went in and didn't go in.
Reed Smith:But I did kind of talk a little bit specifically that in one interview that just kind of interview segments that was cut out of the film, and somebody else I interviewed, Wooter he did really feel like autism did kind of like impact our relationship in some ways and he couldn't fit. He didn't really say though, and I think basically what we concluded there from our talks was basically how, like, since it may have impacted my ability to interact as well as maybe I could have, maybe I could have if it didn't have the same type of impact and I guess it's always hard to say with the what-if questions Maybe him and I would have done a lot more hanging out outside of school, even though one of the things we do talk about in my interviews with films with him is how we did have good lunch chats. But Wooter did talk about how there were a lot of guys he would be friendly with at lunch who he wouldn't hang out with outside of school. Really Right.
Gabriel Nathan:How do you think, you know, when you look at your life and you know we've talked about your early years and then, kind of, you know, when I first knew you, I would say you were 15, 14, 15, around. Then you were a student of mine at a children's performing arts center and so I knew you around that age, kind of adolescence, and then you had this internship at Fresh Fly, the studio that makes our films with Glenn, I think you were in your early 20s, Mm-hmm, and now you're 30. So, if you look through this whole span of your life, how do you feel you've changed in terms of your mental health? You know, have you had periods of anxiety or depression throughout your life? Um, how do you think? How do you think you've changed in that respect?
Reed Smith:Well, I think there definitely have been certainly a lot of, um, intense moments where I've kind of like been intensely kind of like unhappy about certain different things. I've not really been kind of like diagnosed with being depressed in life in a certain clinical sense, but I mean, and I think there's even some, all these different recent periods I go through, of feeling unhappy about certain different things. I'm not living, at least at this point in my life, quite a fairly a fairly a lot more flexible schedule than a lot of other people are, which can have its own challenges to it, and I keep trying to think through what to do best within my schedule. There had been another period, like when I was a part of the Social Documentary School of Visual Arts, particularly in the very first year of the two years I was there when it just in this first semester, when things were just kind of like so incredibly intense and I just kind of like I think it was that way for everybody, but I certainly did feel like I didn't have a whole lot of time for other things but to kind of work on my classes in my films and, um, uh, and I describe myself as kind of like just making things as the last second through messages, by dodging the bullet, which was like a lot of how I think, like certain other people do feel about their graduate experience, even though and in some ways I still do look back fondly of those experiences. Sometimes there's some questions there if there's more I could have done with it, more that could have happened, and a lot of different people, I think, have their different thoughts on their graduate experience and I've had my questions on how I feel in comparison with both.
Reed Smith:I think people who did graduate the social documentary experience, both before me, people who were in my program, people who did manage to get through the program after I graduated, before it did all close down, and I think there have been people who may not have actually had, uh, quite the same success with things, both in terms of kind of like what I have made it happen within my making, keeping friends film and with my and with what I've gotten done with my podcast and people just kind of moved away from films from their life altogether. But there are some people who I do think have had a lot more of a real, more of a kind of like, more of a real kind of like ongoing job and more. I don't of like ongoing job and more I don't know if it is even more serious grunt work and kind of working in films. I mean and it's questionable if they're glad to be doing that to still kind of focus on the projects they're passionate about. I mean, I certainly have kind of been more fortunate than certain other people have been to kind of like have a family who's been able to back me and kind of focusing on things that I've been passionate about in terms of the podcast and the film, even though there is still, like I think, some questions I still deal with.
Reed Smith:Um, I think the podcast is clearly still more my favorite thing at this point than the film. Well, and I think part of the reason, uh, why I'm not quite as crazy about the film as I used to be, is because the as I think I talked with you before, gabe, at the interviewing part of things is over and it was great with all the different interviews I've done. Certainly, I think the interview with David was particularly a special big highlight, especially now it's time for me to kind of get everything sorted out, to kind of work at getting the films produced, but when that's done, I am thinking about kind of like, uh, having more of a podcast talking with all sorts of different people in connection with my life, since I mean, I've just touched on certain things. I really did not do certain things in my film, like I said before, like touch on any of those things about Arrowhead Camp that I did with just my talk with you, gabe.
Reed Smith:So I do wonder just kind of what else more can I do with another podcast entirely? I mean, I think it could take a lot of work and there could be a lot of deep struggles, anxieties take a lot of work and there could be a lot of deep struggles, anxieties those can have along the way, as I think I've dealt with a lot of different points over the years but I think I've managed to make it through and get some accomplishments. I mean, maybe there are some different things that have failed, um, that even uh, and maybe I could name it more in the past than ways I can now. I mean, I guess maybe one of the questions I have as we kind of touch on the different things in the years is if there are ways in which, kind of like I could have also reached out, be friends with certain people sooner, that it might just be too late now, really, I mean.
Gabriel Nathan:Oh, it's never too late. I would say it's never too late until the other person drops dead, then it's definitely too late, but until that happens, I think there's always a chance for reconnection. I think there's always a chance for repair. And one of the things that really strikes me about you, reid, is how reflective you are. You really take the time to think about interactions from the past, things that you have said and done, or just thinking about the past. Should I have done this, should this have happened? Would it have been better this way? And I think that's so.
Gabriel Nathan:It's a wonderful thing to be able to do, and I think it's great to do that by yourself, and I also think it's great to do it with others, and they can be people in your family or they can be people from your past, and 20, 30, 40 years can go by, and it's still, I think, a great thing to reach out to folks and just say, hey, I've been thinking about this thing from high school, or this interaction that we had, or this choice that I made.
Gabriel Nathan:You know, what do you think about that? And I think about also the, the work that you do in terms of making the film, in terms of your podcast. Um, it's all very connected. It's it's not just read right it's Reed and the people he's working with to make the film. It's you and your podcast host and your guests, and you're always connecting and collaborating, and I think there's a myth about people with autism spectrum disorders that they have a lot of difficulty connecting and I feel like it's something you're really good at. Have you had that experience where you know you've been confronted with people who make assumptions about you and your autism?
Reed Smith:I think there's a lot of different questions, of certain assumptions going on by other people. I'm trying to even remember the specifics. I don't know, gabe, if this is exactly what you're looking for, but I think there's often a lot of the times I'm meeting with a certain therapist right now who there may be some misunderstandings of, and I'm not sure if she might be making too much of an assumption when it comes to my autism. I could be wrong about this or not, but one of the things I talked about her during a therapy session, for example again, Gabe, I'm not sure if this is a good example, but, like when it came to working on my podcast, I really kind of put out the question am I doing enough to kind of like, you know, reach out to people? And she didn't seem to have a real kind of like clear answer, whether or not or not. She seemed to kind of focus more on this question on, um, uh, well, I think I don't know I can't remember exactly what she did; If she already felt I did too much of that, because that is kind of what somebody with autism would be most likely to do, or just kind of like if I was too afraid of being tense, of getting kind of like rejected, as somebody who has autism does. And I mean another question they had, I guess, like formed on who I'm most afraid of being rejected by, and I would pose her the question to her would those be people who are interested in David Cronenberg and people who are interested? And she said the people who are interested in David Cronenberg and like, well, why would I worry quite as much about the people who aren't interested, when if they're not interested in that podcast, that I wouldn't be involved with that? Like we're talking about David Cronenberg, why should I assume it's something more personal to me, while people who are interested? That is kind of like more of an issue of things being about me. I mean, in some I will say maybe one good point she made is how people could be certainly interested in just hearing me talk and hearing my thoughts about movies, even if they may not be interested in Cronenberg. But then what did feel irritating is I think we did have some talks going on too long and maybe it was me being too intense about my anxiety and thinking of who to start and who to reach out.
Reed Smith:I have another friend from the past who's like another friendship I have really going on now, who I reconnected with and became closer friends with than I was in elementary school.
Reed Smith:But I had some good interactions with her then and it turned out like her mom was also like a real big fan of David Cronenberg's the Fly and I wasn't clear if she was aware of my podcast when we already talked with her and when we had a connection so I'm not going to say last name, gabe, but maybe I'll say my friend from the past, hayden, and her mom and when we were having dinner with her husband before my podcast was officially all out yet, and when we were letting Hayden's mom know the certain movies David Cronenberg had done and the one One to Fly, which was one that Hayden's mom was a big fan of as kind of like many other people are actually.
Reed Smith:So I felt like that would be kind of a good podcast episode for her to kind of listen to.
Reed Smith:And I think because I guess I was and I don't think it was till like the next day I texted Hayden's mom about me having the review of the Fly podcast episode when I was just kind of feeling so worn out and irritated from my therapist and there was going to be good question on what would happen to Hayden's mom and she did. Let me know how I didn't realize you have that episode, how can I access it? And I sent her both the one on Spotify and she was so glad to have that. So that was a case of me it turned out not having reached out enough after all, and to be careful about making sure that it might in fact be the story that I haven't reached out enough, out enough, rather than maybe having the assumption that I've reached out too much, really, like you may assume from somebody with autism really, which I think was kind of the bigger point that I was trying to get to, Gabe with the restore yeah, that's interesting because there are assumptions that other people can make about you.
Gabriel Nathan:And then there's also assumptions that you can make about you due to anxiety or insecurity. Like, ooh, maybe I said too much. Or maybe I even heard you in this conversation like, well, I might have gone on too long about that, or you know, we're all doing that stuff in our minds. I think neurotypical people do it as well. I constantly have this thing in my own mind, like did you say the right thing? Did you make a mistake here? Did you piss this person off? So we're always, I think, making those assumptions and judgments about ourselves the same way other people are. I think that's something that you and I have in common for sure.
Reed Smith:Yeah.
Gabriel Nathan:So, Reed, as we prepare to close the episode, I want you to let people know a little bit about your podcast and where they can find it.
Reed Smith:So it can be found, I think, right now on Spotify, podbean and Apple iTunes, and I don't know if anybody uses those. I don't know if I should send it to other places. And is there anything more, gabe, you want to say about the specifics or like what people can do to support it? Is that part of also what you're?
Gabriel Nathan:Absolutely. And the name.
Reed Smith:So the name sorry, Cinema on the Spectrum is the name, sorry, didn't let that add up sooner. And so, yeah, you can type in cinema on the spectrum on either Spotify, Apple, uh, iTunes or look for it on Podbean. There's also, um a Facebook page that I specifically created called cinema on the spectrum, where I post about the movies. I've movies. I have a fair number of followers. I have been disappointed, though I'm afraid to say, that I haven't gotten more comments or feedback on more particular episodes or messages from email anybody, and they can email me on specifically on my podcast account, cinemaonthespectrum at gmailcom. I'm really happy to hear thoughts and I've got my own Instagram account called simonthespectrum Instagram, where you can follow updates on there and discover when new episodes have dropped and make comments on.
Reed Smith:If you're somebody who's made the start to listen for maybe there was a particular episode you want to start listening to If you are a particular fan of a particular movie, as kind of Hayden's mom was a particular fan of the Fly, maybe you want to go ahead and listen to that. Or you may just kind of want to hear our stories from what we did from the very beginning of reviewing David Cronenberg's first films, and you're welcome to kind of like watch the movies before listening to the podcast. You're also welcome to not watch the movies because you may enjoy listening to the podcast more. I showed, for example, my parents David Cronenberg's first movie. I know my mom especially hated it his first movie but really enjoyed hearing me and Michael talk about his movie.
Gabriel Nathan:Yeah, and of course, a podcast episode about a film is going to be very different than the film itself, and so you never know, you may love the podcast episode and hate the film, or vice versa. And about I just want to say about being disappointed about lack of comments or feedback. That's also something you and I have in common, and I get very impatient with creative projects that I'm involved in and I want eyes and ears on the things that I do, this podcast included, and it's frustrating, but the reality is that things take time to grow. It's like buying a seed and being like why the hell aren't you a plant, yet it has to grow. It takes time, so that's important for me to remember too. I have two more things, reed, before we go. The first is they're both questions. Have you seen the animated show on PBS called Carl the Collector?
Reed Smith:No, I haven't, what about it? Gabe Carl, the Collector, is no, I haven't, what about it.
Gabriel Nathan:Gabe Carl the Collector is. I'm in love with this show and it is an animated show. It's for children, but I watch it, my wife and I watch it, my kids watch it with us. Sometimes, when they're not there, we watch it ourselves. And it is about a raccoon with autism and he has different collections of things bottle caps, marbles, remote controls and the show. It's brand new on PBS Kids. This is not a paid sponsorship. I just love the show and it is, in my opinion, it's such a beautiful, wonderful way to show what autism spectrum disorders can be like.
Gabriel Nathan:There's one episode in particular where Carl invites his friends over to watch the super blue moon. It's this rare event every 10 years and he has this schedule of how he wants the night to go every 10 years and he has this schedule of how he wants the night to go and things start happening and the schedule doesn't happen exactly the way Carl wants and he gets very frustrated and very upset and his mom helps him calm down and just enjoy the night for what it is. But it's hard for him because he really wants things to go his way. It's hard for him because he really wants things to go his way. And there's another episode where his friend falls and hurts her knee and he freezes because he doesn't know how to react. And his friend gets very upset with him. She's like why didn't Carl say, are you okay? Like anyone else would? But Carl got so locked up in his own head that he just didn't react the right way. The right way.
Gabriel Nathan:But anyway, it's a wonderful show. It's on PBS Kids. The creator of it actually lives in Narberth, so it's like a local thing too. So it's just kind of neat. I think you should check it out.
Reed Smith:Okay, well, maybe I will check that out at some point. Well, well, maybe I will check that out at some point. Well, I also, I guess, Gabe, I also just realized something too. Before we get to your other question, I don't know if I'm spoiling things too much ahead, but I mentioned to you before coming back onto C87 Recovery Diaries, maybe when I have the film done or when it's like closer to being done, and I think I don't know if one thing I'll do by the time I get to that next podcasting session is to see at least one or two episodes of that show and maybe kind of talk with you a little bit about that as part of the sequel to our next podcast, et cetera, and what to have on and you will be back, reed, that's for sure.
Gabriel Nathan:And the last question that I have for you is and I was watching the film that we made together with Glenn at Fresh Fly's old location. I was watching that this morning with my wife just to re-familiarize myself with it, and I think I actually asked you this question in the film and this was what was it eight years ago. So I'm curious to see if your answer has changed. The question that I asked you is if you had to give one takeaway to people, what's something that you want people to know about you as someone who lives with autism?
Reed Smith:Well, I think one thing, Gabe, this leads us to another big conversation I think I do really kind of like want to touch on, as you asked, that particular question. We talked very extensively kind of about David and Arrowhead Camp in the past, kind of about David and Arrowhead camp in the past. But one friendship that was really also complicated, that lasted longer than David, that I kind of talk a lot of different feelings about in the film, is my friendship with a guy named Josh, and one of the things that I felt a lot about what this film is kind of partly about is what it can be like, and I mean, maybe this could be applied to David too. But one particular thing about Josh that I do kind of like want to touch on, I think to some degree, is how I. I think to some degree is how I there was a lot of different complications and difficulties between that particular friendship, even as there's this theme, I think also of me having autism. That may have had an impact in some other way, but because also Josh had such a was also such a complicated guy who also had some other complicated relationships too.
Reed Smith:There are other people with similar and different stories that had an impact. I touch a little bit some things about my friend justin in that film and the fact that he uh had his own complicated story with josh, while he's not somebody with autism and I sometimes have had my questions if other things could have also been impacted there in some level, like the fact that Justin was the only actually Asian guy in our second grade class and I don't know if it was true in school and how he was kind of impacted, um, how he had to also take Japanese classes uh in the weekend and how that all might have impacted things. And uh, and there was another guy who was uh less friendly with me as I talk a little bit bit about my film in the particulars of that than Justin. Uh another guy, um, whose name maybe I just kind of uh won't entirely mention, but whose uh mother uh did kind of like go, whose parents got divorced. After it turned out his mother was a lesbian and was with another woman and I sometimes have had my questions on how that all impacted his relationship with Josh too.
Reed Smith:So there's just a lot of different stories out there that could contain different insecurities, like I think one way I had of looking at it is like the whole different stories going on of the Spider-Man character of Miles Morales, and there's a lot that emphasizes him as Spider-Man, particularly in the Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse movie, and they don't really touch on race in particular, while there's also a really good video game that does, I think, touch a lot more on the fact that Miles Morales is from Heart of the Moon and things like that, while also having him being Spider-Man being a big theme. So I don't know, Gabe, if that all makes sense to answer your question, even though maybe it answers the question for myself better in my head.
Gabriel Nathan:Interesting though maybe it answers the question for myself better in my head and interesting thinking about it. But that's okay. I mean, that's part of the reason why we have these conversations, because it helps us figure things out about ourselves, and I'm just so grateful that you wanted to spend some time and talk with us and I'm very excited for your film to be finished, to see it and enjoy it and to bring you back on the show to talk about it.
Reed Smith:Thank you so much, Gabe.
Gabriel Nathan:Thank you and take care. Thank you again for joining us in conversation today. It's beautiful to see the progression of our contributors. It is always such a pleasure to catch up with Reed Smith. He's a filmmaker with autism and he has his own podcast. It is called Cinema on the Spectrum. He's a remarkable young man doing incredible things and proud to know him and have him as our guest here on Recovery Diaries in depth and to share him and his work with you. Before we leave you, we want to remind you to check out our website, recoverydiariesorg. There, like this podcast, you'll find additional stories, videos and content about mental health, empowerment and change. We look forward to continuing to grow our community. Thank you so much for being a part of it. We wouldn't be here without you. Be sure to join our mailing list so you never miss a podcast episode, essay or film. I'm Gabe Nathan. Until next time, take good care.
