Recovery Diaries In Depth

Walking Across America for Men's Mental Health, a Conversation with Tim Pereira | RDID; 119

• Recovery Diaries • Season 1 • Episode 119

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People do all kinds of things to bring attention to mental health and suicide prevention. There are people who have ridden bicycles nude around the United Kingdom. Some take ice baths and do push-up challenges. A few years ago, the host of this very podcast filmed himself driving his 1963 Beetle, emblazoned with the Suicide/Crisis line on the rear window, up and down the East Coast.  

Tim Perreira is walking across the United States to bring awareness to men's mental health and suicide prevention. He is doing it to challenge himself, to help himself understand. To help himself help others. 

On day 70 of his cross-country journey from Newport Beach to Virginia Beach, Tim sat down on a rest-day in a motel room in Elkhart, Kansas to share the profound story, journey, and experience with a fellow mental health and suicide awareness advocate, RDID's host, Gabriel Nathan. These two men care so deeply about the activism in which they engage, and their sometimes diverging, sometimes aligning perspectives shine through, making this interview engaging and far-reaching.

For Tim, this path he is creating is as much a reaching out as it is a reaching in. Despite appearing successful on paper—good grades, promising tech career, living in major cities—Tim experienced what he describes as "a landslide going on internally" between 2016-2020. His motivation disappeared, his health declined, and eventually, he lost his job due to declining performance.

Tim was able to rally, making changes in his personal and professional life, but it wasn't enough. He sunk into an even deeper depression, far more recently, and he knew he had to do something. And sometimes inspiration is a slow burn, and sometimes it hits-- well-- like lightning. That's how this went for Tim.

Tim knew he'd found his path forward. Now raising $50,000 for men's mental health charities, Tim approaches each day with his mantra "this too"—embracing every experience, whether it's physical pain, gear problems, or moments of beauty, as part of life's curriculum. "Life isn't happening to you," he explains, "it's happening for you."

What makes Tim's journey so compelling isn't just the miles covered but how he's transformed conceptual understanding into embodied wisdom. By walking without distractions and processing his thoughts in real-time, he's creating a living demonstration of mental health work that resonates deeply with followers across social media platforms.

We know you will be inspired by this thought-provoking interview. Follow Tim's remarkable journey on LinkedIn and Instagram. Tim is now over 100 days into his footpath across America, but he is just getting started making a difference in the lives of others. 


Conversations like the ones on this podcast can sometimes be hard, but they're always necessary. If you or someone you know is struggling, please consider visiting www.wannatalkaboutit.com. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call, text, or chat 988.

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Gabe Nathan:

Hello, this is Recovery Diaries In-Depth. I'm your host, gabe Nathan. Thanks so much for joining us. We're very happy to have you here. We are so happy to have on our show Tim Pereira. He is walking across America for men's mental health awareness and suicide awareness. This is obviously an off day on his walk for him. He's currently in Kansas and he's joining us here today to talk about what he's doing and why he's doing it.

Gabe Nathan:

Each week we'll bring you a Recovery Diaries contributor folks who have shared their mental health journey with us through essay or video format. We want to see where they are on their mental health journey. Since initially being published on our website, our goal is to continue supporting our diverse community by having conversations here on our podcast to follow up and see what has shifted, what has changed and what new things have emerged. We're so happy to have you along for this journey. We want to remind you to follow our show for new and back episodes at recoverydiariesorg. There, like the podcast, you'll find stories of mental health, empowerment and change. You can also sign up for our mailing list there so you never miss a new podcast episode, essay or film, and you can find this podcast pretty much anywhere. You get your podcasts. We appreciate your comments and feedback about our show. It helps us improve, make changes and grow. And, of course, make sure to like, share and subscribe. Tim Pereira, welcome to Recovery Diaries In-Depth. It is so lovely to be here and share this space and time with you.

Tim Perreira:

I'm honored, I'm happy to be on. I'm thankful that this motel I'm staying in in Elkhart, kansas, has good enough Wi-Fi to be able to make it happen. You never know.

Gabe Nathan:

I'm thankful for that too. How's the bed?

Tim Perreira:

It's always dicey.

Tim Perreira:

Yeah, it's okay. The last four of the last seven nights I've slept on the ground camping. So it's you know. One small thing that I have come to really appreciate is and this may be slightly TMI, but you know we're here for it is if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, it's much easier to, especially when I'm sore after walking all those miles every day. It's much easier to turn and just get out of bed than it is to stand up from the ground from a full squat. It may seem very minor, but five days of walking 25 miles, your body gets pretty sore, and so there have been times where I just refused to go to the bathroom so I could stay laying down, even if it meant I didn't get to go back to sleep.

Gabe Nathan:

So I would argue that there's nothing minor that you're experiencing as you are walking across America for men's mental health and suicide prevention, um, that everything from the frozen burritos or hot pockets or whatever they are that you're eating to, you know how and when, and you're going to the bathroom and its impact on your body, um, everything, everything is a big deal, um, a big deal, um, and for your body, for your mind, and so you know, let's, let's talk about it, let's talk about what you're doing and why you're doing it, yeah, yeah, you know it's one thing that comes to mind with that, just as you're talking about how nothing's minor.

Tim Perreira:

You know there have been so many challenges on this walk, which I'll talk about why I'm even out here, but the phrase that keeps coming up for me on the walk, for any challenge, big or small, is just this too. You know, this too is part of it, not just the sexy, glamorous pictures I take welcome to Kansas, sign the big milestones but also the pebbles in the shoe, the difficulty finding a place to sleep, not wanting to get up out of the tent and go to the bathroom because it's windy and cold, and having to find, you know, food like frozen hot pockets Not my first choice, but in some of these places it's believe it or not, is kind of the best option. So, but this too, you know, it's all part of it. And as much as my mind wants to resist some of that stuff and think no, no, no, it shouldn't be this way, I'm reminded that no, this actually is just as much as part of it as the beautiful sunrise and the birds chirping and the elk, the herd of elk crossing in front of me on the road, and it's been such an amazing mirror to life or a representation of what we go through and how the mind reacts to it. So to your question you know what I'm doing right now. I'm walking across America, about 2,800 miles. I started March 6th. I will end, hopefully, at some point in August I'm not sure We'll see and I started in Southern California, newport beach, and I'm going to end in Virginia Beach. That's the plan right now. I'm walking part for personal challenge, in part for raising awareness and doing fundraising for men's mental health and suicide prevention. So, on the fundraising part, my goal is to raise $50,000 to be able to donate to charity. One of the charities I've partnered with early on is Movember recently and that's the goal with that and actually also raised $15,000 through GoFundMe to help fund the trip to help with food lodging you know any gear, that kind of cost. So that part has already been raised and you know, for me it's a topic that is really, you know it's near and dear to me. It's I'm out here because it's something that I have personally struggled with, you know, from about 2016 to 2020.

Tim Perreira:

I went through, you know, everything for me looked good on paper. It looked great on paper. You know, I got always got good grades in college, landed a good job, was doing really well, and I was in the tech industry. I was in sales. I was in sales leadership. I had the brand new car. I lived in San Francisco. I ended up moving to New York City to manage a sales office.

Tim Perreira:

Things were outstanding on paper and at the same time, internally there was a bit of a landslide going on and things were really starting to slip. And it was the more I reached and the more I tried to grasp on to certain areas of my life, the more things just slipped. And so from that span I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression, becoming things like less motivated. I felt like I was now just a lazy person. I didn't really have purpose anymore. I felt my health start to slip.

Tim Perreira:

The only day of the week I would look forward to was Saturday, because it meant I got to go out with friends and we got to drink for most of the day out with friends and we got to drink, you know, for most of the day and um, and I found myself just just looking for escapes really, and until ultimately I I got to a point I ended up getting fired from my job for just for performance. I was just not the same high performer that I had been my whole life through playing sports, through college. I played sports in college, like I said, I led sales teams and it just put me face to face with what was really going on. And what was really going on was there were some things that were not okay under the surface. You know, one of the things that came up is I had gotten out of a long-term relationship with my college girlfriend and we broke up a week before moving in together and I didn't allow myself to grieve, to process it, I just kind of powered through it and I didn't allow myself to feel those things and the sadness from that part of my life ending and just that relationship ending for about three years. So it just built up with time and anyway I had heard this quote.

Tim Perreira:

Kind of my turning point was hearing a really simple quote, really simple idea. That probably isn't going to be brand new for a lot of people listening, but it really hit me and it was was everything in life is neutral. Every event, every circumstance, everything we go through. Inherently it's just neutral and all of the meaning in our life comes from within, good or bad. And wow, that slapped me in the face. It was such an epiphany moment, moment of epiphany, and I thought, oh my gosh, it's me and it's how I'm viewing what I'm going through. It's the things I'm refusing to process or look at, it's the emotions I'm not letting myself feel. It's the stories I'm making up of who I think I need to be and the things I'm doing to try and live up to that ideal. And when it hasn't worked out, when it hasn't happened, I then make up a story about, maybe, why I'm bad or I'm not worthy. So that was kind of the general theme.

Tim Perreira:

And so I realized, oh my gosh, this is. I need to work on me. And so that's what set me off, or set me down, this path of this inner work, this self discovery, this, you know I, maybe this mental health path, this journey. And I started to look into what, what do I even, how would I even change how? I think, you know, I was starting to read books on mindset. You know mindset, excuse me, performance, you know things, things like that. And then that led me into more of a connection with self or calming the mind, things like meditation.

Tim Perreira:

I got into journaling and that led me into learning about emotional intelligence and really building my emotional intelligence and gaining awareness around how it's really my emotions and feelings and trying to get needs met that are driving the actions that I'm taking unconsciously. And so I started exploring what are some of these needs and wants and desires that I have at a core core, started writing about all this online and I had this response from men because I was just sharing what I went through. I talked about the inner critic. I talked about, you know, chasing money kind of on this, this treadmill of chasing all of this external and material stuff, and how it wasn't fulfilling, it wasn't satisfying and actually after a while it was having more of a deleterious effect, I would say. And through that writing I had a lot of response from men just messaging me hey, that actually sounds a lot like what I'm going through, and so that led me to start a coaching business for men. I started doing things in cohorts and communities, doing in-person events. I started helping friends throw retreats for this kind of stuff and really immerse myself into this world.

Tim Perreira:

And then last year, as things were going well from a business perspective, I actually found myself in a deeper second wave of depression for about three or four months, and last year being 2024. So from June to August, september, I got into a really deep apathetic depression to where all of the discipline and habits I'd cultivated my whole life from going to the gym, from eating well, to now doing cold exposure, meditation, writing, getting outside, going for walks, talking with people all this stuff that I had worked with clients on and also developed myself, completely went out the window and I was so apathetic I didn't give a shit about any of it. Uh, I couldn't get out of bed till nine or 10 in the morning times. Uh, often I would be running a coaching call, you know, midday, and right after the coaching call the first thing I would reach for would be like a weed gummy, just so I could get some reprieve from this feeling of heaviness and darkness. And that was when I first started experiencing suicidal thoughts. And so I had those every day and it was increasing me a different side of this journey and struggles and what people go through. And even in the darkest of moments, I remember having a shower thought and I was just bawling for a reason I couldn't understand. I couldn't pinpoint it right. But I knew I just felt so heavy, so down, so terrible. And in that moment I had this really interesting thought and I realized, man, I can't wait to get to the other side of this because it's going to help me so much be able to relate to others going through this journey. And so, to just kind of wrap up that part of the story, I ended up going on.

Tim Perreira:

I was seeking a lot of things to try and do. I thought about moving to Costa Rica for a month. I thought about going on a little bit of a pilgrimage. I thought about maybe going to India. I thought about doing a plant medicine ceremony. Like everything was on the table and nothing really clicked with me until a friend of mine was going to India. She told me about the trip. It really lit me up. I ended up going on the trip, had a few life-changing moments on the trip which I'm happy to dive into, but this story's already gone a little long.

Tim Perreira:

And when I got back, I was back for about four days, maybe a little, maybe a week or so, and I heard the idea this guy was sharing on Instagram how he had walked across America and how it changed his life and I can't quite explain.

Tim Perreira:

I definitely don't know why it happened, um, but when I heard him say those words walk across America, I felt like I had this lightning bolt go through my body and immediately was like that's it, that's the thing I'm going to do, like that is what I felt when I talked about I was searching for something all year.

Tim Perreira:

I was like it was so clear to me in that moment I was like this was the thing that was coming down the pipe and I'm like what an amazing way to use it, not only to spread awareness and to raise money for men's mental health, but to use it as a vehicle for learning and to not listen to music, not listen to podcasts or anything. Be present with every single step and every single day. Just cultivate, being more present, being more aware, being with all of the challenges, all of the negative thoughts, all of the, everything that comes up, and use it. The five, six month journey as the deepest it, the five, six month journey as the deepest, you know, most rich and intense curriculum that I've ever been through in my life.

Gabe Nathan:

And so today is day 70 on this walk and we're recording this on May 14th, just so people listening know.

Tim Perreira:

Yep, and I just crossed into Kansas yesterday, so I'm almost halfway. I'm probably two weeks away or so from being halfway, but that was a bit of a ramble, but that's kind of how I ended up here on foot in Elkhart, kansas.

Gabe Nathan:

That's a judgmental thought, just so you know. I don't want to just identify that for you. I'm not sitting here watching the clock, you're here to talk. So this is literally what you're here for. I asked a question and you answered. It was pretty simple, right, yeah?

Gabe Nathan:

But my, I mean you're on the show with me because I think we share a lot of the internal stuff, the self-critical voice. I don't share any of the athletic stuff, um, the self-critical voice, um, I don't share any of the athleticism with you, but I do share some of the stuff that goes on up here, um, a lot of the incessant negativity, um the self doubt, um the, the apathy that you were experiencing of nothing matters, nothing I do matters, nothing anybody else does matters. It's all shit, it's all a facade, it's all a show. I'm bad, I mean. That resonates hard with me, so I get it for sure, and I'm sure a lot of people listening do as well. Um, so you weren't rambling, but you did say a lot, and so I'm trying to make connections to things you were saying, cause that's, I guess that's what a good host is supposed to do, and if I were a really good host, I would have written some things down while you were talking, but I wanted to just listen, like you want to just walk and not listen to music or be distracted.

Gabe Nathan:

One of the things that you said earlier in your answer was the thought of this, too, and it reminded me of something that a suicide loss survivor a woman who lost her son. I was on a panel with her and she said you know how people say this too shall pass. Yes, talking about a trial or a time of struggle or an awful period in one's life, she said it applies to everything. It also applies to good things too. Yeah, this too shall pass, this time of feeling good and feeling like I've got it together and that everyone's healthy in my world and everything's basically okay and I have a job and a stable income. Well, this too shall pass.

Gabe Nathan:

Um, and I thought you know your your statement about this too. It's just, it's another beautiful reminder of that ebb and flow of existence and um and I'm sure you've experienced this so often on your walk that you can be feeling good, um, in one moment, and then there's a fucking pebble in the shoe, um, or I know you had an issue with your leg. Um, and things are happening. Things are always happening, or even just your, just your mind. You'll be feeling placid, but your mind will go somewhere negative or stressed or anxious, and it's all transient, it's all ephemeral, 's all just uh, coming and going.

Tim Perreira:

Um, I don't know if you, if you want to comment on that, or if that resonates with you yeah, I think you know, one of the first examples, uh, that came up during the walk was, you know, I woke up. I was walking through, uh, I think, east, the Eastern part of the Navajo Nation Reservation, northeast Arizona, and I just woke up. I didn't sleep well the night before and I just woke up irritated. You know, like I was just irritated, everything you know, putting on my sock and it doesn't go on exactly how I want and I'm motherfucking my sock the most silly stuff, but we all do it in our own way. And so I woke up irritated and I probably had 20, that was a stretch.

Tim Perreira:

I was doing 26 miles every day for seven days and you know it was a little windy that morning. I remember taking breaks that day and just being pelted by sand when I would sit down and I just remember feeling like, you know, this isn't how it's supposed to go. That was a real thought. This, like almost like this is a mistake Today. It's not supposed to go this way, you know, and obviously saying it out loud to you is, you know, we can, we can say, well, that's not, that's, that doesn't make sense, that's not how life goes. But that is how the mind works. Often it creates these very slippery, slimy, subtle stories that we just believe because they're just our thoughts. We feel like it's true and I believed it for about four hours to start the day, and I was not happy with the walk. Man, I'm out here, I'm doing this walk. I'm supposed to be, you know, again, just the story. I'm supposed to be just one, with everything and Zen, and you know, talking mental health, and I'm like I'm fucking, I'm pretty irritated today for no reason. You know, I'm mad at the wind, my hat's flipping up every once in a while and I'm just getting mad at stuff. And I'm just getting mad at stuff and that's when it hit me and I thought man, can't. You see, this is also part of it. This is just as part of it as the good breakfast you had the other day, or the stranger who stopped and gave you a banana and a cranberry juice, and this is also part of it.

Tim Perreira:

You like, the opportunity is to be present with this as well as the other stuff. You know, when I'm walking, there are a few days where I feel good, like my feet aren't sore, my legs feel fine. You know, I'm not tired, I've got enough sleep, but most of the time it's, you know, it's just a constant level of pain and discomfort, physically, and being able to, you know, rest in the awareness and not in the thoughts and not in the discomfort this walk is a practice of. Can I rest in the space of pure loving awareness and rest in the space where I'm just noticing this stuff? Yeah, there's pain, okay, and I'm here and I'm noticing it, you know, and not getting wrapped up into it. And so when I think of this too, it's.

Tim Perreira:

You know, I got a flat tire the other day the first time and I mean I was 0.3 miles into my walk and I looked down and I cause I heard something and I had never changed a flat tire in my life, I had all the stuff to do it and I was like man, today was supposed to be a short walk, get there early Now.

Gabe Nathan:

This is going to ruin the day, that's to inform people. This is on your support vehicle, yeah.

Tim Perreira:

I have a stroller that I push that carries my gear. Sometimes I have a support vehicle, but I have a running stroller, uh, that has my backpack water, all that stuff. It's about a hundred pounds fully loaded and you know, and I have sealant in the tube. So when I get little thorns and stuff it, it's fine. But this was a thorn that was stuck in the tire and I only found it when I took it off and I used pliers to get it out.

Tim Perreira:

But you know, it was another one where I was like, wait a minute, this isn't, this isn't a mistake, you know, and this is the walk has been such a representation of life, of course, and in those moments, what I, what I realized is, you know, a lot, of a lot of people create this idea out of nothing that they should be somewhere, they should have this type of financial wealth they should have.

Tim Perreira:

I was talking with a client the other day and he mentioned how he struggles because he's noticing these stories he has about what he should be doing, how much money he should be making, where he should be living, how he should have three passive income revenue streams, and the fact that he's not means he's less than, and so it just shows. We create these stories about these expectations about how we think life should be, and we become resistant to how life really is, life should be, and we become resistant to how life really is, and it takes us out of the present to just be with it, to be with the this too, but the but the stories don't come from nowhere.

Gabe Nathan:

So they, they come from that. You know that phrase. Comparison is the thief of joy, and we see what other people have and we go well, i'm'm, I'm x years old and they're x years old and I'm like them in these ways. So therefore, I should be doing what they're doing, yeah, and doing it how they're doing it, and their image crafting, and I see that and they look like they have it all. They look like you and remember good on paper.

Gabe Nathan:

Yeah, tim has this, this, this, this, this, this, this. Therefore, he must be feeling sure, fucking great, and I feel like shit. Therefore, do you know what I mean? So it's, we do make up these stories, and we make up these stories about other people based on what we see on social media or what other people are presenting or what they're telling us when they get together with us for an hour social event and then they go and they're miserable or they're terror struck that they can't keep up with the lifestyle that they've created, and it's creating immense stress and pressure and possibly making them a suicide risk. Right, because we know that trying to keep up a certain lifestyle can be very fatal. Um, so it's? Yes, all those stories are made up internally, but it is how we see ourselves, but juxtaposed against how we see other people and stories that we make up about them, it's so unhealthy and so dangerous.

Tim Perreira:

Yeah, it's part of the brain, or I'd refer to it as the survival mind. Really there's a survival mechanism within us and you know, for years and thousands and thousands of years it worked in a very primal type of physical survival way. And as we evolve, as our consciousness expands, individually and collectively, you know it has kind of turned and shaped into psychological survival. And so how the mind is wired is to constantly look for ways to survive, and it just does so in the best way it can. And one of the methods it does it is just as the perfect example as you described, which is so common, which is just comparing to others. And we see somebody else because it's so arbitrary, right, we see somebody else.

Tim Perreira:

Your story could be totally different depending on what country you live in. You know, the socioeconomic status of just the town you live in, the story could be totally different. For somebody it could be man. I see everybody around me in this town with a brand new truck, and I don't have one, I'm a piece of shit. And then others you know depends on the circle you're in go man. I see everybody around me with three businesses. This guy's got a private jet. This guy has a jet, a yacht, a helicopter, and I'm only over here making a million and a half dollars. I'm a piece of shit, right.

Tim Perreira:

And so looking, stripping that down to its fundamental, to its core, is recognizing what the brain wants to do. What the survival mind wants to do is believe that external circumstance dictates our internal well-being, and it doesn't. It's how we view things, how we perceive things, our perspective on whatever we're going through, our perspective on life, and so one of the major shifts has been the just experimenting with and being curious to the idea that I am not this body, right, I have grown, I have gotten older, I've gotten stronger, I've gotten weaker, I've had surgery, I've had all these things happen to my body. Yet there is still a constant within me Ever since I was a kid. My earliest memory is at like three years old. My three-year-old birthday party, I think, was my first memory. There's still an awareness that has been constant throughout it all, even going through this mental health shift, as my personality changes, as my demeanor may change, there's still a constant behind it all that I recognize, that I associate myself with. So I'm not this body, I'm not this mind.

Tim Perreira:

I am the awareness that's behind it all and this idea that I've really experimented with in that again, I don't know if it's true, I don't think I'll have the ability to know if it's true, but it's something that has felt right to me is that, you know, I'm just a soul. Right Behind it all, I feel like, underneath it all, I am a timeless, you know, boundless being. That is a soul or whatever term you want to use, spirit. And the idea is that I have come here to learn certain lessons and I have come here with a certain set of circumstances, a certain maybe, propensity of direction where my mind likes to go, a certain set of internal dialogues or narratives or beliefs or themes that are recurring throughout my life. A certain set of wounding psychological wounding, physical wounding is certainly as well and perhaps my mission in life and my whole purpose is to work through those, and each one of those is just a different textbook. It's just a part of my curriculum as a being to grow and evolve and learn deep, powerful lessons in this lifetime.

Tim Perreira:

And I have no way of proving that in this lifetime and I have no way of proving that, but when I really sit with that, you know, and I quiet my mind and I just be present with that idea. There's a part of me that really resonates with it and, as hard as it is, what that does is it shifts my perspective to what I'm going through to just think this isn't a mistake, this isn't wrong. You know, I'm not bad for going through this. This is just part of it, and that is where that phrase this too I think really it's like a subtle reminder. It's like the guardrails on the bowling alley. It's nudging me back. Oh yeah, that's right.

Tim Perreira:

Look, I'm here to learn and I know that when I'm faced with a challenge and if my intent going into it is what can I learn about myself?

Tim Perreira:

How can I improve, how can I change how I relate to this challenge?

Tim Perreira:

When I can do that is when I experience the biggest growth, when I experience the biggest shifts within me, when I have perspective, when I feel calm, come over me, and so that is just that's a perspective that you know, I've tried on just in the last few years. That is something that has really, really helped and it shapes. You know, it's kind of that idea that is probably more common that people have heard of. That is, you know, life isn't happening to you, it's happening for you, you know, and it's the same idea that, hey, what we're going through, you know, isn't a punishment. It's here to teach us and we will keep experiencing the same lessons until we can learn and grow through them. And I think that's really what this walk does, is it provides a vehicle for me to dive way deeper than I've ever gone before into these lessons and the subtleties and the sub-less think that it's important to say do for you, because it is a lot about what this is doing for Tim.

Gabe Nathan:

It's also helping other people, but I think that it I don't know if it's 50-50 or whatever, but I think a lot of this has to do with you. And so my question is is it doing for you what you thought it would or what you hoped it would? I mean, I guess that's the question.

Tim Perreira:

Yeah, you know, when I mentioned that I had that period when I was fired and I had the epiphany in 2020, I just became a full-time student. I mean, actually like a full-time student, I read hundreds of books, I was listening to podcasts, I was journaling, I was meditating Like I was doing that and then trying to launch this clothing business as well, which is a different story, and so I read tons of different types of books self-development, self-help, self-therapy, like all the books on consciousness, eastern spirituality, western psychology, everything and I learned so much and what this trip? It's not so much that I felt like I have been introduced to brand new ideas or massive revelations there have been a couple of those, but I think what it's done more is it's taken these ideas and the stuff that I have read that has been very conceptual and been very knowledge-based up here, and it's given me an avenue to start to let those trickle down and go into what I would say is like my full body, to embody them, to integrate those ideas, to really get it. I describe it to someone and I'm like it's like if you've never had a pineapple before. It's like reading the most in-depth description of a pineapple, looking at all the pictures, hearing how people describe it, learning about the juiciness, the flavor, the texture, the color, all that, and you know everything, you know how to grow it, you know everything you could possibly know about pineapples, and then it's like tasting it. And so now you go, oh, now I get it. All of this stuff I've known. And now it's like, no, now I fucking get it, like I see why, how? Why, you know they were describing it this way, and so that's that's what I feel it has done for me.

Tim Perreira:

And so when I'm, I've been sharing things online, and not that they're new ideas to me, but they're almost like new realized truths, and so, because they feel more like truths and ideas, I feel much more comfortable sharing them.

Tim Perreira:

And and, um, you know, in terms of this, I don't know what the split is 50, 50, but I feel like what has kind of evolved in this trip is giving people a glimpse into just my process, this growth process, this how I am trying to approach this walk, the curriculum that has surfaced for me, how I have gone through the process of being stuck in these thought loops, to being aware of them, to then shifting into okay, we need to shift to then seeing what is this trying to teach me, and then moving forward, and it happens in so many different ways big, small, et cetera. And it feels like in doing so, that has allowed people to relate a lot more Because, just as you described the thoughts that go on, like hearing you share yours, I'm like, oh, I totally know those, the self-critical nature, the self-doubt, what is this all for? Hearing you share that, I was like, oh, I just feel that in my bones so much that I was like, oh, like I, you know, I just feel that in my bones so much. And sometimes hearing somebody articulate their own experience not only validates we're going through but can actually deepen our understanding of what we're going through, can lessen the burden, because I go, oh, I'm not the only one that does that, I'm not happy that you also experienced that, but there's a part of me that does feel a sense of relief. It's just turning the release valve.

Gabe Nathan:

It's kinship really and that is not to bring Recovery Diaries into this, because I don't need to promote our organization on our own fucking show You're E Kim. It is the whole reason why we exist. So we're a mental health storytelling platform to share human experiences from all over the world so that somebody living in Rwanda or Australia or Ireland or Kansas- can read an essay by someone in some corner of the world and go shit, they're saying the same fucking thing.

Gabe Nathan:

They're giving voice to what's happening up here in me. I have never met this person, I will never meet this person, but I am. I'm connected now and I don't feel so alone. And I a quick story that I I share a lot because it stayed with me Um, when I was working in a psych hospital, I was running a group and this young woman, um, raised her hand to ask if she could share something and she said um, you know, um, and I thought I was the only one who felt the way I feel and was going through what I go through in my life. And I had to be dragged out of my apartment at three o'clock in the morning by the police and brought here against my will to understand, to finally understand that I'm not alone. And that's a really drastic way to have someone realize that. And I want people to realize that in ways that are not coercive, that are least restrictive and that are not traumatizing, and if it's through bringing you here to talk.

Gabe Nathan:

Yeah, I feel icky when someone will say about anything that anyone is doing in the mental health sphere or the suicide prevention or awareness raising field, you are saving lives, no-transcript and I would get that feeling because it's not.

Gabe Nathan:

It's spreading awareness, it's putting a message in front of people.

Gabe Nathan:

It's certainly more helpful than harmful.

Gabe Nathan:

But in the end, if someone sees that little car and picks up the phone and calls 988 three months from then or has a conversation, or they learn something about suicide prevention, about busting a myth that like, okay, asking someone if they're suicidal doesn't put the thought into their mind Like it's actually it's not a risk, it's an act of love, right, and it can open a conversation that wouldn't have been open before, right.

Gabe Nathan:

So if someone does that because of something that they saw or something that they read or something that they heard, it's that person who's acting on that. That's saving a life. And so I don't want to overstate the importance of the suicide awareness work that I've done or the mental health awareness raising that Recovery Diaries does, or the work that you're doing. It's all of value and it's all wonderful to keep it in perspective and in context that it's other human beings who experience what you're doing, who then go off and like, do the work of changing other people's lives or changing their own lives you know I I think I might have a slightly different perspective on it.

Tim Perreira:

I want to hear it. I think there's so much that goes into it, just like depression isn't because of one thing.

Gabe Nathan:

Of course, suicide is never just one thing.

Tim Perreira:

Yeah, there's so many factors, and I feel the same way with recovery or with saving lives is it's not just about the person who picks up the hotline and helps that person through it, because what happened upstream from that, you know, there could have been 500 other touch points that got that person to even be okay with picking up the call, picking up the phone in the first place.

Tim Perreira:

You know, like, I think what's important with like we'll use your example of driving around with the hotline on the beetle, is what it does in its subtlest form is it's saying that I get it, that I see you, that if you're struggling, I get it and it's important enough for me to drive around with this freaking car. Okay, and here is a number Okay, and that could be a touch point. That is just enough to where somebody sees it and goes man, this guy is like he's really driving around with this thing, like he must get it. On some level it may resonate. He must be crazy, and he must be crazy and okay, and I feel like I'm crazy you know, and so there's another crazy guy who's talking about this.

Gabe Nathan:

That's what I was thinking when I heard about you, you because I was like, okay, so I did this for six years and it was my daily car and we broke down all the fucking time. And I mean I am not a mechanical person and I was the wrong. I couldn't afford to keep the car. I was in every possible way. I was the wrong person to be doing this and I have a very low frustration tolerance, and so when things would go bad, they went bad with me also. And then I was like, well, I'll make a movie and I'll mount GoPros to the car and I won't have any help, I'll just do it all myself and I will drive.

Gabe Nathan:

The original plan was to do what you're doing, to drive from PA to the Golden Gate Bridge. And then I had to scale that back and then it was like, well, I'll go from PA to Bar Harbor, maine, and broke down in Vermont and I mean it was awful and I hated it. I was gone for 11 days and it was just one frustration after another and I was pretending for the camera that I was enjoying it and that I was fully dialed in to the people who I met along the way, and I met friends who either had lost people to suicide or had considered suicide themselves or attempted, and I also recorded interactions with strangers, right, but it was so frustrating and so upset I couldn't wait for it to be over and I sold the car in 2023, you know that part of my mission is over. I'm still doing the work, but without the shiny object and and it's different you know, I've lost a lot of my following. I've lost a lot of my cause people. They're just not interested anymore now that Herbie's gone Right, it's just Gabe Um, and I learned a lot um about myself and about how I'm perceived, or what I think about how I'm perceived or how I think I'm perceived, and I think you're learning a lot also through your journey.

Gabe Nathan:

I think you're much better suited for what you're doing than I was in terms of your mindset and where you are in terms of acceptance and how you look at the whole of life and the things that happen around you, not to you. I think I was very much in the whole of life and the things that that that happen around you, not to you. I think I was very much in the mindset of why is it happening to me? Why is this V belt breaking again Like why, why, you know, um, but and I would hear my mother's voice in my head we'll all make choices, gabriel, and it's like yeah, gabriel, and it's like yeah, but I guess, see, now I'm rambling, I did that just to help you out, so the rambling scales would be balanced, but I don't know, I don't even know if there's a question in there, tim, I guess I wanted to share that. I resonate with what is hard about this for you and, as two people who've done similar things in very, very different ways in very different spaces in time, I just knew that I wanted to connect with you because my road trip thing was in 2018 and I'm so different now than who I was then, and I'm grateful for the experience.

Gabe Nathan:

In my mind, I failed to do what I wanted to do and I guess, if there is a question, I want to know from you what happens if you don't make it to Virginia Beach. Yeah, is it Virginia Beach? Virginia Beach, yeah, yeah, are you like, are you prepared for that? Do you feel pressure, um, pressure that you've put on yourself or pressure from your followers? And cause I? I do want to say one thing and then I promise I'll shut up.

Gabe Nathan:

So your hat says keep going, yeah. And when I owned Herbie and I would post about suicide prevention and I would post statistics or I conference and this appearance and people would comment very well, meaningly, what you're doing is so, oh my God, just keep going. And that began to feel like a brick on my chest that I was being told keep going, keep going, keep doing it. And I could see the money depleting from my checking account on a first name basis with my fucking mechanic, vw mechanic, and I mean, I didn't want to, but I was feeling that pressure internally and externally and I wonder if you have any of that or if you have built a safety net around feeling that or being motivated by that.

Tim Perreira:

You know, that's one thing that has really hit me so much, especially as I, you know, continue on this journey of helping men with mental health and, obviously, this walk. But the greater journey of my life is, you know, whether I'm growing a business or writing content online is am I doing something because I have been consistently doing it or am I doing something because it is what feels absolutely true to me in the moment? And so, while if I, you know, I think about the potential of not finishing this walk, I'm not saying that it would be easy to accept, but I think that the deeper commitment for me is just the truth is not to, you know, only get to Virginia Beach just for the sake of getting there. It is for, you know, if that presents itself, then it is just the next challenge for me to work through and the next curriculum for me to learn, and the lesson in that could easily be acceptance in what feels. You know just what the moment is, and maybe something happens where it's just not possible.

Tim Perreira:

You know when I just I can't do it, and and what I have to honor in that moment is just what feels true to me, and so I think that is, you know, that's just been such a core tenant that I try and live by, uh, for the last couple of years, right Since I heard that, that I try and live by for the last couple of years, right since I heard that. And also it's worth saying I don't feel like there's a possibility I don't make it to Virginia Beach. That's just what I feel. Even since I started, there hasn't been a shred of doubt in my mind that I wouldn't make it. I don't know how long it'll take, I don't know if that means I got to split it up or if something happens and I have to postpone it. But yeah, just on a personal level, that's just what I feel with it. But it would just be another challenge. That's it, yeah, that's it, yeah.

Gabe Nathan:

Well, here's to Virginia Beach. Yeah, where can people find you?

Tim Perreira:

I share most of the story on LinkedIn and most of the journey on LinkedIn and I'm doing my best to share on other social media platforms as well, like Instagram threads, doing a little bit more on TikTok, but for the most part, linkedin.

Gabe Nathan:

Yeah, Awesome. I'm very, very grateful to you for what you're doing, for who you are and for spending some time with me today. Thank you.

Tim Perreira:

Yeah, Gabe, Thanks for having me on. I'm glad we were able to make it work. I know it's tough to schedule these things on the road and often I mean it was very last minute. So thank you for being flexible and happy, Happy we can make it work.

Gabe Nathan:

My pleasure and for those of you watching on YouTube, you see the keep going on Tim's hat and on my mug. Don't be a salty bitch. So keep those two messages in mind in tandem as you go about your day today. And thank you, I'm really glad these hats. So if anybody wants a, hat.

Tim Perreira:

I made them available. We've sold over 215 already, I think, which is crazy. But if you resonate with Keep Going and you like hats, yeah, we have them available.

Gabe Nathan:

Awesome thank you. Hats off to you. Thank you again for joining us in conversation today. He tells most of his story on LinkedIn. You can also follow him on Instagram and TikTok to join him on his unique and special journey. Before we leave you, we want to remind you to check out our website, recoverydiariesorg. There, like this podcast, you'll find additional stories, videos and content about mental health, empowerment and change. We look forward to continuing to grow our community. Thank you so much for being a part of it. We wouldn't be here without you. Be sure to join our mailing list so you never miss a podcast, episode, essay or film. I'm Gabe Nathan. Until next time, take good care.

People on this episode

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Gabriel Nathan

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Gabriel Nathan

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Tim Perreira

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