FFP 52: Covert Narcissism and Alienation Inside the Home

🎙️ Episode Summary

In this powerful episode of the Fractured Families Podcast, host Charity speaks with Pauline, an alienated mother who shares her devastating journey of losing connection with her children, even into their adult years.

Pauline describes how her marriage, rooted in young love and religious expectations, slowly unraveled through financial control, covert manipulation, and coercive parenting dynamics. She details how her ex-husband consistently undermined her authority, held private “meetings” with the children, and fostered false accusations, including fabricated claims of abuse.

Despite years of therapy, the alienation escalated, leading to her son and daughter turning against her, with accusations amplified by a therapist later disciplined for sexual misconduct. Today, Pauline continues to navigate estrangement with her now-adult children, balancing her deep desire for reconciliation with the reality of setting boundaries and finding peace in her own healing. Her story highlights how alienation can exist within intact families and persist long into adulthood

💡 Talking Points

• Early Marriage & Family Dynamics
  • Married young in Utah, two children born four years apart.
  • Chronic health issues shaped early parenting years.
  • Husband used “your mother said no” language, isolating Pauline as the strict parent.
• Patterns of Undermining & Alienation
  • Private “meetings” with children where he disparaged her.
  • Children began repeating accusations and labeling her “the villain.”
  • Fabricated stories of abuse (locked in closets/bathrooms) used against her.
• Escalation to False Allegations
  • Therapist reinforced alienating narratives while violating ethics and later faced license probation.
  • Ex reinforced false narratives (e.g., tying abuse claims to her diabetes episodes).
• Impact on Adult Children
  • Pauline has been estranged for 5+ years from her son and 2 years from her daughter.
  • Attempts at contact often blocked; communication only sporadic through varied channels.
  • Alienation extended into adulthood despite her continued invitations, letters, and traditions.
• Personal Healing & Lessons Learned
  • Found strength through independence, career success, and building a home for herself.
  • Recognizes how narcissists target empathetic and giving partners.
  • Accepts limited control—focuses on peace, prayer, and being open when her children are ready.

✅ Key Takeaways

• Alienation is not limited to divorce—it can occur in intact families, often through covert tactics.
• False allegations are a weapon used to sever bonds, leaving long-term scars for both parent and child.
• Therapeutic missteps can worsen alienation if professionals fail to name and address the problem.
• Estrangement can persist into adulthood, showing the deep psychological impact of early manipulation.
• Survival requires resilience: healing, boundaries, and maintaining hope while living fully in the present.

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