Why You Feel Like a Fraud—And How to Fix It

Summary

In this episode, Layla Dawn explores the phenomenon of Imposter Syndrome, particularly among high achievers. She discusses its origins, how it manifests, and the psychological factors contributing to it. The conversation transitions into practical strategies for overcoming Imposter Syndrome, emphasizing the importance of self-acknowledgment, reframing negative thoughts, and building a supportive community.

Takeaways

Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of being a fraud.
It affects up to 70% of people at some point in their lives.
The imposter cycle is a self-perpetuating loop of self-doubt.
Perfectionism is closely linked to imposter syndrome.
Comparison, especially on social media, fuels self-doubt.
Lack of representation can amplify feelings of inadequacy.
Celebrating small wins is crucial for building confidence.
Naming imposter syndrome helps create distance from it.
Having a supportive community is key to overcoming self-doubt.
Feeling like an imposter means you're challenging yourself. 

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Transcript

0:00

So you've landed the job, you've launched a business, you've had a major milestone. And instead of feeling proud, you're secretly waiting for someone to call you out and say, you don't belong here. What are you doing? You're a fraud. You're a fake. If this is you, then it's not just anxiety. It's imposter syndrome. And today we're breaking down why it shows up even in high achievers and what the science has behind it. and how you can overcome it or move through it. Hi friends, welcome back to the Do Life podcast where we talk about life, its challenges, and some clever ways to tackle some common obstacles with cutting edge science and technology and splash of metaphysical properties. I'm your host Life Coach Layla and And today we're talking about a topic that hits a lot of high achievers, high performance coaches, leaders, teachers. And that is Impostor Syndrome. going to explore what it really is. why it happens, even when you're doing everything right. and how to deal with it in a real world way that's backed by science and grounded in realistic strategies. So let's start with the basics. What is imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling of being a fraud. Like you've got everybody fooled that you're more competent or confident or capable than qualified or talented than you really are. and was first identified in 1978 by scientists Pauline Clance and Suzanne. Yeah. They observed that... uh Many high achieving women experience persistent... feelings of inadequacy despite their external successes. They coined the term imposter phenomenon. to describe this phenomenon. And it's important to remember that the term imposter syndrome wasn't really used until the early 90s. And then early 2000s gained more mainstream recognition as more research on the phenomenon was done. But today we know that it affects just about everyone, regardless of gender or profession or level of success. And it's not just an insecurity, it's an actual belief that you're not really good enough. And sooner or later... people will find out about you. So research tells us, according to the Journal of Behavioral Science. that up to 70 % of people will experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. It shows up most often in high achievers, creatives, teachers. entrepreneurs and professionals predominantly in leadership roles. And it's often linked to perfectionism and early conditioning. We'll get into that later. The psychologist described something called a imposter cycle, which is where You're faced with a task. You feel doubt and anxiety. you over-prepare or procrastinate. and then you succeed. But you don't take credit for that success. You attribute it to external factors or luck or timing or other people. So then you don't internalize the wind and then you feel like a fraud and the cycle repeats itself. And the scariest part is the more successful you become, louder the imposter syndrome voice can get. because now there's even more to lose if you're found out. So in essence, the imposter cycle is a self-perpetuating loop where high achievers, no, where achievements. don't lead to a lasting sense of self-worth or confidence, but rather fuels a continuous struggle with self-doubt and the fear of being revealed as a fraud. why does this happen? cognitive distortions plays a huge role here. when our self-perception doesn't match our external reality. we experienced dissonance. and instead of adjusting our self-image, we question the validity of our achievements. It reminds me of the last few job interviews I had. Like, I knew I was qualified and capable of doing the job, and I interviewed amazingly. As soon as I got the job, I started to doubt myself. I thought, I don't actually know how to do this. I'm an imposter. I'm a fraud. And then I realized that was all in my head. They wouldn't have hired me if I didn't have the qualifications to do this job. They wouldn't have even acknowledged my application if I wasn't somewhat capable. They believed in me and I needed to prove them right. But why are we plagued with these insecurities? There's a few contributing factors. Number one, my favorite, I've done a whole episode on this, um perfectionism. I will link that in the show notes. I have watched that episode multiple times because it is a continuous issue that seems to come up. And I was very upset to find out that imposter syndrome was directly linked to perfectionism because for the longest time I thought I was overcoming my perfectionism that you know, I can't do the thing until it's perfect and I've learned that I have progress over perfection. So I do the thing anyway, even if it's not perfect. Imposter syndrome is instead of I can't do the thing until it's perfect. I can't be the thing until I'm perfect. And that was such a mind shift. was I was in a coaching conversation last week when that light bulb hit and It's just really, really crazy to think about. You know, I've done so much work on trying to overcome my perfectionism and here I'm struggling with imposter syndrome and it's a direct reflection of my perfectionism. So that's annoying. But I wanted to share that revelation with you because it was so profound that I was like, I'm doing so good with my perfectionism. I'm doing the things. But I still don't believe that I am capable of being the thing, which was a mindset shift for me. So I wanted to make sure that I shared that with all of you. because yeah, that was very relevant. So imposter syndrome is a direct, can be a direct reflection of perfectionism. So do some, do some reflection there. Another reason we suffer may suffer from. imposter syndrome is our upbringing. being praised not only for outcomes, only for outcomes, not for effort. especially if you were raised to associate your value with achievement or accomplishments. In other words, if you were constantly praised for getting straight A's or... m being the best or achieving visible success. You may have unconsciously learned that... Being valuable means performing perfectly. As adults, this creates pressure to maintain that image at all costs. and when we inevitably fail short on those impossible standards. imposter syndrome creeps in, whispering that we're not good enough. unless we're overachieving or perfect. There's also social comparison. Especially in the new age of social media, filtered online success stories. Remember what you're seeing is somebody else's highlight reel. You're not seeing the struggles and fights and things that it took to get to those things. I love the Instagram stories where it's like, there's this beautiful scenery and this is your Instagram picture. And then real life, it's like a crowded beach with a million people. That's all the internet is, is you get this beautiful perfect highlight reel of someone's life and meanwhile they have alienated themselves and pissed off everyone they've ever known to put themselves on a pedestal online and it's a sad existence so comparing yourself to the things that you see online isn't realistic because online isn't The more I see, every time I'm on the internet I see more more AI that people believe to be real and It's no different. so many people are so mad. I can't believe AI is such a thing. I hate it. Blah, blah. And I get it to a point, but in the same token, like how is AI any more fake than half of the stuff that we had on the internet to begin with? So because it's computer fake and not people fake, that's a big difference. don't, whatever. I don't. I don't like any of it. So I'm not going to, I'm to get off my soap box now. That's not what we're talking about. But yeah, so don't compare yourself to other people online because that's just going to perpetuate here imposter syndrome because you're holding yourself to unrealistic standards that, that aren't real. They're not real standards. Anything on the internet is fake. That's just, I'm just going to say that and leave that. That's, that's where we're at with that. what else? a lack of representation. Being the only woman or person of color or... the youngest person in a room, being the only one of anything in a room, a room full of people in bright colorful outfits and you're wearing all white or dark black or dark black. You get what I'm saying. a lack of representation can amplify self doubt. I tend to use this as motivation. I don't like the feeling that somebody's better than me. I was meant to feel like that a lot growing up and throughout my childhood because I was poor, because I was different, because I was a white kid in a black neighborhood or a mixed kid in a white family. I was repeatedly made to feel less than, throughout my childhood and I refuse to let anybody let me feel like that now. And so when I'm in a room and I don't feel represented, I am the only female instead of shrinking myself and feeling down and self-conscious. I use that as motivation. I have every right to be here. have just as much right to be here as anybody else in this room, regardless of whether or not they look like me. And I understand that not everybody can do that, but maybe if that's something that you're cognitively aware of, like maybe you don't know why you feel so insecure in the boardroom. And the next time you go to a you realize you're the only female and use that to empower yourself, not belittle yourself. Because yeah, nobody is better than anybody else. I don't care your race, your status, your financial situation. I don't care if you're a junkie under the bridge cracking out. You are not less than me. We are all humans on this planet having our own individual experiences. We are meant to experience the lives that we are living subjectively. And so some of us have made different decisions, I am 100 % can honestly say with confidence that I am a couple decisions away from being that guy under the bridge. There are a few decisions that I've made in my life that kept me from being that, but I don't see myself as better than that person just because I made different choices. those are the life experiences he is meant to experience on the planet at this time. I don't care how much money is in your bank account, that doesn't make you better than me because you know what? I can sleep well at night knowing that I made good healthy decisions and maybe you're a crook. Maybe you've ripped off a bunch of people. Maybe you're poisoning the planet. Maybe you're... Stealing children, I don't know. I'm just saying it doesn't I Don't care that you judge me because I'm not trying to judge you and I'm trying really hard not to judge people and just be aware that we're all here to live our own life experiences uh So yeah, so don't let anybody make you feel like they're better than you because different doesn't mean better. There is no better. So back to Impostor Syndrome. Sorry, I got a little out there. That was the metaphysical portion of the episode, I guess. Maybe? Kind of. Anyway, so Impostor Syndrome, what can we do about it? So let's shift from insight to action. I've got six grounded research-backed ways to deal with imposter syndrome. Number one is collect your wins. I have a whole episode on celebration. I highly suggest you look into that because we should be celebrating way more than we do. We don't need to just celebrate birthdays and holidays, graduations or promotions. We need to be celebrating every day. Did you get out of bed today? Yay! Celebrate! Did you brush your teeth today? Yeah! Celebrate! Do the thing! Be proud of yourself for every little thing that you do. Like the kids these days, they got receipts. Keep receipts of your wins. Write down every day, what did you accomplish for the day? Regardless of how small or minuscule it might seem to you, write it down. Keep a whole notebook of accomplishments every time you do anything. And then when you're feeling like you have some sort of imposter syndrome or you don't feel good enough, turn to a random page and be like, yeah, I did that thing. Look at me doing shit. I did that. keep client feedback, keep screenshots of compliments, keep. Keep a folder on your laptop, whatever it is that you need to do. Actually, you know what? Pause this episode. Go do that right now. Get out a notebook. Go make a new notebook just for accomplishments. I want it to be bright and happy and pretty and colorful. Put stickers on it. If you've got sticker commitment issues like I do, I just collect stickers and I never put them on anything because I am afraid that I... I won't have them anymore once they're gone. That's a whole thing we'll get into some other episode, not today, but put stickers on it. Cause now you're committed. Cause now you put the stickers on there. Now you have to use the notebook and make it your accomplishment notebook. Make it full of your receipts. Write down the nice things that people say about the things that you've done. If you made somebody feel good about something, that's an accomplishment. If you smiled at a stranger and they smiled back, that's an accomplishment. Write down every little thing. Go do that right now. Go write your accomplishments. I'm so excited for you. Keep that. So that was step one is collect your wins. Step two is name it. They say, name it to tame it. Such a cliche. cheesy line but The moment you name it, you create distance from you. I am not an imposter. This is imposter syndrome. I don't have imposter syndrome. I am not an imposter. I'm not a fake. I'm not a fraud. This is a symptom of imposter syndrome. Don't attach it to you. Don't, I have imposter syndrome. No, no. This is imposter syndrome. This thought process is imposter syndrome. Don't attach it to you because spells have power, subconsciously and metaphysically. So we're not going to get into all that, but just know that what you say has a lot to do with how you think and how you see yourself. So when you say, I have imposter syndrome. I have this, I have this. Don't attach it to you. This is imposter syndrome. These thoughts are signs of it. I hope. I hope that makes sense. So name it. It's not you. It's a thought pattern. It's a outside force that's trying to get in. Don't let it come in. You don't have to let it be a part of you. Once you distance yourself from it, you can overcome it. These are thoughts. These are signs of imposter syndrome. I don't have imposter syndrome. I don't want to have imposter syndrome. I'm acknowledging this as imposter syndrome and I am. overcoming it. I am moving away from it. I moving forward from it. So name it. Collector wins. Talk about it. share with a coach or a mentor or a trusted peer how many times we just sit in silence with our own struggles and We suffer silently, unnecessarily, in our own head, with our own thoughts, that aren't really real. I love Maurice Appier for this phrase, tell yourself a better lie. Instead of saying, I'm not good enough, I'm fake, I'm not smart enough, these things aren't meant for me, none of that's really true. So if you're gonna lie to yourself, tell yourself a better lie. You know what, I did do that thing. I am amazing at this. I'm gonna do more things. I see no harm in that. And if you're struggling with convincing yourself, these things, maybe hearing it from an external source. Now I'm not saying that you need to tie your self worth or validation to the thoughts and opinions of others, but sometimes having someone say, you're wrong. You did that. And you did an amazing. These people wouldn't have a lot of times I find myself trying to credit other people for my successes. That's my shortcoming. Well, I would have never done this if they wouldn't have done this. I would have never done this if they didn't say that. And it's like, No, you did the thing. They might've motivated you or helped you or inspired you, but you did the thing. So having somebody like an external voice, just validating that for you. it's okay to, to brag about your accomplishments when you're really proud of something. It's okay to be proud and tell somebody else about it. Because when those moments happen where you are suffering from imposter syndrome, they can snap you out of that because they also have a collection of wins from you. So when you celebrate your wins with other people, they're also keeping receipts for you. So when you're down in the dumps and you really need that motivation, they can be there to lift you out. So it's always good to have someone that you can work with. Again, I would love to work one-on-one. I love to celebrate your wins. I will leave links in the show notes if you want to do one-on-one coaching with me or have conversations or, you know, see if coaching's a good fit for you. I'd love to go deeper with you and have those conversations because everybody needs to have a hype man. So having a one-on-one, a coach, mentor, a friend, your hype man, uh community is key. If you don't feel like you have a good supportive community around you, I did a whole episode on community too, because it's so important to surround yourself with people who will celebrate your wins and will remind you of your accomplishments. So if you don't feel like you have a good supportive community in your circle, like in your immediate circle, you can go online. can find similar groups, I'm getting ready to create a community. So people who listen to the show and wanna have conversations about it, people who have done coaching with me and wanna have conversations with other people who have had coaching with me and just like-minded individuals, because I feel like if you're watching my shows and listening to me ramble, then we all have... similar struggles and ideas and should be friends. So why not build a community where we can all be friends? And then you've got hundreds of hype men and women to be there to uplift you and support you and keep receipts of your accomplishments and help you out. I love that idea. So I'm really excited about that. The fourth thing you can do is to reframe the fear. And I said, it's so important the words that we say to ourselves. So instead of being like, I'm not ready, I can't do this. Be like, I'm growing into this. This is a learning experience. I am going to grow at the end of this or nobody's ever ready. We just got to do it. Progress over perfection, right? Confidence is a result of courage, not the other way around. Most people wait till they feel confident to take action. But in reality, the action is what builds the confidence. So by showing up, making mistakes, learning in real time. you develop the confidence that creates true assurance. so reframing fear as a sign of growth instead of self doubt or red flag. helps you move forward even when all that doubt is there. And number five would be to challenge the thought. Like I said, with Morris appeared, tell yourself a better lie. So when you're thinking, I'm not good enough, what evidence do you have that supports that? I don't belong here. Says who? When you ask yourself these questions, you're engaging the prefrontal cortex. instead of the Fear Center. In other words, you're shifting from an emotional reaction to logic and reasoning. your brain moves out of survival mode and into critical thinking. and that allows you to challenge distorted thoughts with facts like. your experiences, your qualifications, your past successes, or any other kind of positive feedback. This simple shift helps quiet the noise. Quiet the internal noise and put you back in control of your narrative. And then the final one is practice validation. I mentioned earlier that you don't want to get too tied to external validation. So don't wait for an applause or validation from external sources. Learn how to recognize your effort, your growth. Learn how to self-recognize yourself. External validation is great, but it's not reliable. if your confidence is built only on other people's praise, it will rise and fall with their opinions of you. So instead, build an internal scoreboard. Acknowledge when you showed up, even when it was hard. Celebrate your wins, regardless of how insignificant they might feel for you. Did you finish a project? Did you make a phone call? Did you set a boundary? that's growth. So when you train your brain. to notice and affirm your own progress. You build lasting confidence that doesn't require anyone else clapping for you. And let me be clear. Feeling like an imposter doesn't mean you are one. It means you're human. It means you care. And it probably means that you're operating at a level that your comfort zone isn't a custom to yet, which is a good thing because it means that you're challenging yourself and doing things that you wouldn't normally do. And just know that you don't have to be 100 % confident to be qualified. You just have to keep showing. doing the work and letting your actions speak louder than your doubts. So if today's episode hit home for you, share it with a friend or teammate who's probably wrestling with their own self doubt. And if you're ready to reprogram that inner critic and upgrade your confidence, check the show notes for resources to book one-on-one with me. Like, share, subscribe, do all the things. Leave comments and reviews. It helps grow the channel so I can continue to bring free content like this for you. I love you, I thank you, I really do appreciate you for being here. Let's go do life confidently.