That Mystic Podcast

From Silicon Valley To Sacred Living: Leadership, Healing, And Carmel Retreat Space

• That Mystic, Rev. Dr. Joya • Episode 138

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A single dad, two seven-year-olds, and an advanced cancer diagnosis that should have flattened him. Instead, Barry chose a different road: blessing what hurt, building a healing posse, and orienting every day toward joy, devotion, and the fierce practicality of staying alive. We walk through that turning point and the unexpected aftermath—how heightened senses, slow time, and simple music became medicine; how a century-old Carmel cottage turned into a sanctuary; and why generosity might be the fastest way to unblock money and meaning.

We dig into the quiet science of mysticism: breath that calms the nervous system, meditations that plant new patterns, and movement that clears the mind when “monkey brain” won’t sit still. Barry shares his coaching lens from Silicon Valley, where imposter syndrome visits executives and first-time managers alike. We talk feminine leadership in men and women—authentic communication, empathy without apology, and the strength to say what you mean. The theme repeats: expand your vessel so you can hold more light, lead with clarity, and let impact flow through you rather than from you.

Carmel becomes a character of its own: ocean air, redwood trails, and a garden stitched with Japanese maples he planted during recovery. Out of this place, Barry launched Postcards for Healing—free week-long stays gifted to people moving through loss or illness, nominated the old-school way with pen, ink, and stamp. It’s reciprocity made real, a tangible way to turn love into logistics. Along the way we trade practical tools: a simple breath ratio to quiet the mind, a daily two-minute visualization that rewires beliefs, and the “find your song” ritual to shift state on command.

Come for the story; leave with a blueprint for thriving. If this conversation stirred something in you, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find their way here. And if someone you love is healing, send a postcard and nominate them for Carmel right here.

Join The Held Circle - https://www.theheldcircle.com

You can book a 1:1 session with Joya at https://www.thatmystic.com

Joya:

Welcome to that Mystic Podcast, a sanctuary for the wild, messy, holy process of rebirth and resurrection. I'm Joya, teacher of the feminine mystic path, and I walk with women through grief, change, and awakening. Back home to the presence that breathes through all of life. We don't chase enlightenment. We embody a resurrection. We walk devotion in motion. And here we talk about the intelligence of the heart, the medicine of grief, the mysticism hidden in everyday life, and also the science of mysticism. Take a breath, grab your tea, let your shoulders drop. This is that mystic podcast, where heaven takes root in the flesh, and love learns to live once again through you. Hello, Barry. Thank you so much for joining me on that Mystic Podcast. I'm so excited to have you because I don't have a ton of men on my show, but I definitely want to start having more. And especially men like you who are very much in touch and in tune with the feminine side of nature and reality. And so let's start off this conversation, Barry, by introducing yourself after you ask, answer the question. What does living a mystical life look like and mean for you?

Barry:

First of all, thank you so much for having me on this podcast. I'm really excited to connect with you and your audience. So living a mystical life, I've always been interested in the mysteries of life ever since being a little kid. And now I define it for me more around spirituality. Um we will get to this in the podcast, but I've gone through my own journey where I wasn't sure and it wasn't clear whether I was going to survive. And so when you come out the other end of that, I was spiritual to begin with, but I think that really deepened my spirituality. And the way that I um express that is through deep connection with my environment, with the earth, with the ocean, with my surroundings, with community and filling every moment I can get with love. When I wake up in the morning and somebody asks me how I am, I say unbelievable because I'm above ground and I don't take that for granted. So that's that's getting into it a little bit. There's some teasers in there as well. And then I think you asked me a double question also to introduce myself. And I think one of the best ways to do that and connect with your audience is to say that I'm first and foremost a father, a single father to two of the most incredible twin boys on this planet. They were born in India in New Delhi. I've been raising them on my own since the day that they were born. And so, number one, imagine doing that. And then number two, imagine that they're six and just turning seven years old, and your doctor diagnoses you with advanced cancer. And you need to sit them down. Have a very sober discussion with two little peanuts who you who you love and who you don't know whether you will get the gift of being able to watch them grow up. And so I'll leave that out there, but we can explore it more. So that's that's who I am, and that really transformed and changed my life and brought me into what I'm doing today, which is I do uh leadership coaching for high-tech executives in Silicon Valley. Um, I have I'd say that I have more women clients than I do men. They seek me out, I believe, because they want that male perspective of really how the game works from the inside within Silicon Valley. It's predominantly male-run industry, although less so nowadays. And some of the bosses that I had in my couple of decades-long experience in Silicon Valley were women, and they were probably the best um coaches, mentors, leaders that I've ever experienced for a number of reasons. I can get into that later as well, too. But so now I am a leadership coach for those people, and then also I run boutique personalized retreats in Carmel, California, which is pretty much the most incredible place. Comparable maybe in the United States to Florence or Paris without going out of state. So we can cover a bit of that as well, too. But just so happy to be here.

Joya:

Oh my gosh. I am so happy you're here. And I'm like, okay, what's the spring-off point here? Because there's so many wonderful places we can go. And I think the first and most obvious one is the cancer diagnosis and that descent into yourself. I imagine that sent you into a deep place.

Barry:

Yeah, a deep place. But interestingly, it was like a really a space filled with light. And so um I had been, my mother had just passed away, and I was at her funeral with family, and I had some swollen glands that hadn't gone away for a couple of months. And so I got some encouragement to have them checked out. My when I did, my doctor said, Oh, you've been sick, and you know, but let's just have it checked out for sure by a specialist. So I went to see a specialist, and she walked in the room, she says, How are your swollen glands? She felt my neck and she became very serious instantly, and she said, She literally said, Oh, this is this is very serious. And she says, If this is what I think it is, um, you won't be able to get out of bed if you make it. And you will be in feeding tubes for the next six to nine months. And I said, No, wait a second. I I have two little kids who are just turned seven years old. Um and she started taking biopsies from me right there in the office. And then when she was done, she walked me over to the CT scan department holding my hand, walked up to the desk, and she said, put him first in line. So as you can imagine, I was processing a lot at that point. Um I called my sisters and I said, Listen, I think this oncologist thinks that I have cancer. And my sister's like, Okay, let's figure this out. And the oncologist turned to me and she said, I want you to start putting together your friends and family network. And I said, Do you think that we should wait for the um scans to come back? And she says, No, I want you to start it today. So a lot of things were going through my head. Um yet at the same time, when I heard her saying things like, You're not gonna be able to get out of bed for six to nine months, you'll be on feeding tubes. My brain said, Bullshit, I am. I don't know what your podcast is rated, but um, I I just said, That's not me. I said, That's not gonna happen to me. And she says, Yes, it will. And I said, But you don't know me. And she says, I've treated a lot of people for this. And so I said, Well, you haven't treated me. And something in me, it's not like I was trying to be belligerent or you know, oppositional. I really just felt like I'm on a mission. I have two kids to raise, I'm their only parent. I do want to watch them grow up. I want to see my grandkids. I have a full life that I'm gonna live. And um I went home and I started so many things. I radically changed my diet. I deepened my spirituality. I threw rocks off of clifftops, I screamed into the sky, I went through deep hypnosis, I I had a fairly rare form of cancer, and I went out and I found five people who had survived my type of cancer, and I made them my posse. And I said, What do I do? I hired a nutritionist. Um, so I did a lot, right? I I read incredible books. I the very next day I happened to speak to somebody who was um a radiologist, and he says, Hey, read this book, it'll change your life. I got it. I recommend it to my guests now who come to Carmel for Healing.

Joya:

What was the book?

Barry:

It's called Love, Medicine and Miracles. The people who believe that they will overcome whatever illness they have will. And in that book, you can read it says, if you're diagnosed even with pancreatic cancer, one of the deadliest forms of cancers, which has, I think, you know, a 5% survival rate or 95% that you'll be gone with in five years. Somebody's got to be in that 5%. Why can't it be you, right?

Joya:

Wow. And it sounds like from the get-go, your attitude was, I'm going to live. And you started doing things that were life-affirming and life-giving and contributing to your wellness.

Barry:

I did.

Joya:

Yeah. Rather than going and planning for dying, you started planning for living.

Barry:

I did some of that too. I had to be practical. Yeah. Right.

Joya:

Yeah.

Barry:

You get your trust in order, you make arrangements for you know, the worst case. But in my mind, when I heard her saying you won't be able to get out of bed for six to nine months, I said, no, I'm going to be running up and down my stairs every day doing cardio sprints. And I'll tell you too, like, I'm six feet tall and I was down to 130 some odd pounds. I lost 50 pounds. I couldn't swallow for months. I was Ubering myself to the emergency room every day to get, you know, water transfusion, water infusions so that I just I wouldn't dehydrate. Um, and I said, but I'm not going on feeding tubes. And I could not get food down, and I was losing a pound and a half a day. And I just gathered my posse of friends together and and we figured out how am I going to get food in? And we brainstormed and we and we did it. It was a team. I believe that healing comes through team and community and people who care about and love you. Um, but feel free to ask me some other questions because I'm, you know, I could just keep it.

Joya:

Oh no, it's so it's it's fascinating. And how long ago was that diagnosis? And are you in remission now?

Barry:

So so I'm no, I'm not in remission, I'm cured, which is really pretty spectacular. So I went from advanced cancer to my oncologist saying, Hey Barry, you are miraculously cured two years later. And he just said, Your cancer is not coming back. Get out of here. I don't want to see you again. You don't need to do any more scans. And I was like, because I was prepared to be doing my scans for the next five years. So I'm seven years out at this point. I still run up and down my stairs for my cardiac friends. I do rowing machine, I do my workout every morning, I eat all the broccoli I can find. So I do all those things. And I've now figured out what some of those elements of my healing are, and I don't really call it healing or surviving, I call it thriving. If you set your mind on thriving and having a great life, which I think we all want to do, then that's really our goal. And that's my mission now to help others do that too. My mission is to help other people thrive.

Joya:

And you're living such a beautiful life and where you live and the work that you're doing now, and this beautiful space that you have. So, how long have you owned that? And what was your transition into like this is what I want to do, along with of course the high performance coaching that you're doing?

Barry:

So, so number one, I mean, this this background behind me is Carmel. I mean, these these gardens I've planted, I planted them when I was at the height of my recovery and going through cancer, putting these like AM into the ground, planting Japanese maples, just a winding pathway through the gardens, things like that. I just found that that touching the earth was part of my healing process. So those, let's see, if my diagnosis was about seven years ago, I bought the property right after the boys were born as part of their college phone. I thought, okay, I'll buy this, I'll sell it when they go to college. So I bought it, they're 13 now, teens, and I bought it, I'm gonna say 12 years ago. So when they were less less than a year old, and I thought, I want to raise my kids going to the ocean in Carmel. And so where I live in Silicon Valley, I live down the block from Netflix, Apple's spaceship headquarters is five minutes away, eBay's headquarters is five-minute drive. So I'm right in the heart of Silicon Valley, and you go about an hour over the Santa Cruz Mountains to Carmel, and then you're just in this little tiny kind of lost enclave that not not every not so many people know about, but the ones who do, like they they never want to leave.

Joya:

I love it there, right?

Barry:

So I thought if I could ever own a home there, I would need to pinch myself. And I searched for one for three years.

Speaker 1:

Wow.

Barry:

Which, as I dig into more and more of its history, it is one of the I think original homes in Carmel. It predates the fairy tale Comstock cottages.

Joya:

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Barry:

Think of as Carmel. Um, this one was built in 1923, two years before the first Comstock cottage.

Joya:

Oh my gosh, could you imagine what it must have looked like there when that home was built? And oh, can you even picture it?

Barry:

It's hard to picture it. It's very, very rustic. And if we have time later, I can talk about how I've been digging into the history of this cottage. It was the first of all, the woman who built this cottage a hundred little over a hundred years ago, she bought 16 lots in downtown Carmel. She bought them, I think, for $5 a piece. And now they would be worth $2 million a piece of six. About $30 some odd million dollars. So I bought my lot from her granddaughter, who was 96 or 94 years old.

Joya:

Wow.

Barry:

Yeah, so I'm the second owner buying it from the original family who owned it. And so I figured I consider myself a steward of this property. I invite people here now for healing. But but two things. One is Eliza, who built the cottage. I think she's maybe one of the first feminists of our country. She was a school. I was gonna say English, rode around Kentucky on horseback, finding women who wanted to read literature with her. She moved to Carmel, became an English teacher. And I believe, because there's a historian who stayed in my cottage and started digging into the history, that Eliza may have been one of those people who had the original salons in downtown Carmel during the heyday of its art scene. And wow. Not just healing. Again, healing is surviving, experiencing joy and romance is really thriving. So I agree.

Joya:

Even self-romance. Like I always I buy myself flowers all the time. I'm just I love to surround myself in beauty. I just feel like that's such an important aspect of um healing and wellness and thriving, like you said, is I feel like it's the it's one of the unique things about being a human that we intentionally create beauty.

Barry:

Yeah, it's really true. And I think when you are along the ocean or hiking through the redwood forests of Big Sur that are just so majestic, and you're surrounded by it, you feel shrouded in beauty. You feel part of something large and incredible and beautiful. It makes you feel beautiful, and it's really an incredible experience.

Joya:

So beautiful. And for people listening to this podcast on audio, it might be one that you might want to watch on YouTube because I will actually drop in some photos of your property and um beautiful images of Carmel. I think it's just one of the most phenomenally beautiful places I've ever been. I really do love it there.

Barry:

I I guess tell me that. I mean, they say that they have a wonderful experience at the cottage, um, but I believe that Carmel does all the heavy lifting for me. So I have um I have a a women, a woman couple at the cottage right now. They're they're celebrating an anniversary, and they today are driving down Highway One to Big Sur in their convertible, listening to their favorite tunes. And if you can just imagine that, and I've sent them to one of my favorite places, which is called Nepanthe. It's one of the 1960s restaurants on a cliff top with just the most incredible view of the Pacific Ocean. You have a spiritual experience, even if you're just eating a burger and fries and drinking a beer there. It like it's incredible.

Joya:

I love that you just said that because I feel like you know, that's part of my mission and what I'm starting to grow into and what I'm like, what am I, what's my soul here for? And after going through, you know, going to those depths of the underworld and resurfacing, and it's like, okay, what's what is asking to be created from this? And it's really, you don't have to go to an ashram, you don't have to go to temples, you don't have to go far overseas. Like the sacred is right where you are in your everyday life. The spiritual is all around you. And when you have that, it's like an attitude that you cultivate, right? And how to live your life that way.

Barry:

So so many thoughts are going through my head, but but as I was going through cancer, I remember um my senses became really highly heightened. My sense of smell was became like I could smell jasmine blooming from two blocks down the street where I didn't see them around me. I would be walking two blocks later, I'd come upon them. It was like, wow, I what's going on? I've heard of women having what is it called, like pregnant nose. I can't remember.

Joya:

Yes, I had that when I was pregnant.

Barry:

Yeah, smelling like a dog. Colors became vibrant. I wasn't on any meds at this point.

Joya:

I know exactly what was happening. This is interesting.

Barry:

Okay, yeah. So it was me just embracing life. That's the way I took it, and you have a sense, you became a very heightened awareness of you're alive, and everything around you becomes so deeply beautiful that the most common things to you become beautiful. And I I remember being in the back of an Uber on one of my many rides to the hospital and blasting um ACDC thunderstruck through my headphones, because that's like one of my rally cry songs. I've I've looked it up. I've I've heard that the the phrase, the title, and the song itself means absolutely nothing. It's just like this hard rock song that for me was about embracing life. And I was looking out the window, there was the um the track team running down the street, running, and everything was in slow motion for me. And I'm listening to this thunderstruck, and I'm looking at people doing something as simple as running and knowing that just think if I ever get to the point where I can walk and just run again, I will be so thankful. But everything just became beautiful. So for people who aren't quite there yet, who haven't had necessarily that spiritual journey, I think you'll have one if you come to Carmel. In fact, I guarantee it. Absolutely. If you come to Carmel for a week, you won't leave unless you're spiritually changed. And um, and without like I I I have never done Ashwagandha, no judgment. I I'm not a fan, call me old fashioned. I don't like vomiting for whatever reason. And you will believe you will have a spiritual experience in Carmel.

Joya:

Yeah.

Barry:

A week longer there.

Joya:

And I know for people listening, they're gonna say, Oh, he meant ayahuasca. So I will say, I did. I knew what you meant, and I knew that you knew what you meant, but I could see it in the comments too. Like, what is he means ayahuasca? Yes, he meant ayahuasca.

Barry:

I do. Because I'm a fan of Ashwaganda. I do take it.

Joya:

Yes, exactly. That he does take. And I um neither have I. I've never been called to the mother to go and do have that experience. But I think what you're sharing with me is so fascinating right now because it to me, it's like a confirmation of um, I've been doing a ton of deep research about grief or loss. So when you're going into loss and you're experiencing grief and what it does to your mind, what it does to your brain, and it unplugs the part of your brain that's your default mode network, which is your real, your core sense of identity, and it actually maps like a brain on psychedelics, which is fascinating. So time slows down, the colors are heightened, like every experience of your life is heightened, including the pain. And so that's why this intentional participation in your own process that you're going through, and it sounds like you were a high or are a highly conscious human being, that you had that wherewithal to consciously work with your own experiences you were having. And I just think it's so beautiful. And for you, you're sharing that. I'm like, yeah, this is the this is the experience and the opportunity, if you will, that I'm like, this is what the creator wired within us, that our hardest times of our life can also become the route, the door, the pathway that open up to creating even more beauty and profound ways of being and living highly conscious states in our life if we allow it and go into it.

Barry:

I just want to let that sink in for everybody. First of all, thank you. Yeah, for sharing that. It's absolutely true. I also want to say, though, that despite feeling spiritual prior to my diagnosis, um, I have a monkey mind, right? It jumps all over the place. My background is in product design. I'm always coming up with new ideas. I love being in high tech, I love coming up with new ideas. Very, very hard for me to access that voice within and connect with my higher self. So I want to put that out there for your guests too, who also might have trouble accessing that, but that's what we really want to connect with. And some people that I've talked to have tried it, they'd be like, well, I can't sit still, I can't clear my mind, and things like that. Well, either could I. And so part of it is just spend more time at it. I don't know if there's any particular trick. There might be things that you use. There has been a meditation that I've found, and I think that's different for everybody that certain meditations for me, it was one where it actually walks me through steps of clearing my mind and then helps me plant seeds in my third eye. And then that gets me to a point of connection. So I'd say, once what do what you need to do to get to that point of connection. For me, it was that particular meditation. I keep it on my desktop, I can use it whenever I need it. I meditate twice a day. But when you're in that state and you're connected, you hear the voice. And when I say the voice, maybe it's not somebody talking to you, because I was like, wait, wait, is the voice of God going to talk? And what is what is what does the voice sound like? Well, for me, it's more of a feeling and an intuition, and it's located at some point in my body. So people might feel it that way too. But it's a signal, right? It's a message, and you learn to follow it and follow your instinct.

Joya:

Yeah, it's a frequency that we tune into, that we're wired to be receivers, right? That we're tuning into this frequency. And um, you do need to come with a you create that coherence within yourself to receive a coherent signal. You yourself need to be coherent. And that was one of the things that I noticed because my mind is the same way. It's very busy. I'm a very creative person. So I'm always like, uh, I'm one of those people who's like, oh, peanut butter, here's some peanut butter, here's some chocolate. How do they work together? My brain is always doing that. And uh I noticed that when I went into acute grief, that it felt like a whole forest of monkeys. Before I had monkey mind, and it felt like a whole forest of monkeys had been released in my mind. And I found that it was through um moving my body. For me, it became very movement-oriented that I just started walking a lot in the desert, even though it was hot. Even then, I still would get out and walk and not bring my phone undistracted and just be with that, noticing it, noticing it, noticing it, breathing. And then I found a fantastic meditation. So, like you said, I'm also an avid meditator and have been for years. But I used to do vipassana meditation, which is just insight noticing. So when you have a forest of monkeys in your mind, that noticing was not helpful. It drove me bonkers. And I found this meditation process where you simply inhale for six, exhale, inhale for five or six, depending on your breathing patterns. But inhale for five and you exhale for six, or inhale for six and exhale for seven. So it's one count longer, and you don't pause. So you just keep breathing like that in that rhythm. And I found within 10 minutes my mind would just be quiet.

Barry:

I think there are a number of tools out there, and we need to find the ones that work for us. Yes. And so maybe that's another message to people, which is hey, if this is working for Julie, then it's, but it's not working for me. Find something else, right? Which is why I was like, okay, I'm gonna try everything. Yeah, I tried the acupuncture, that did not work for me. I was like, hmm, what's wrong? I tried it again, did not work for me. I tried sound healing.

Speaker 1:

Yep.

Barry:

I went blind in one eye for the next two hours. I was like, okay, I'm not trying that again. I'm very susceptible. I think to hypnosis and sounds, but it had an adverse uh effect on me.

Joya:

I love that you said that because I'm a sound healer and I say that. I'm like, that's true.

Barry:

And you do what?

Joya:

I'm a sound healer. That's my trade. And has anybody ever had that that I've had some interesting experiences, and it's usually when someone's in acute trauma or they're very sensitive to vibration. And so I will always say, if you feel or and I like to find out what's going on with people too, because there are other sounds like gongs or Tibetan bulls or even crystal bulls can be very activating for people that it's so it's not necessarily better for whatever they're going through, where they might need more strings or just a gentle, steady drum rhythm and a humming voice. Like there's so many different ways to go about it. But yeah, there are counter, I'm glad you said that because there are um, you know, counter, what's the word I'm looking for? You know, where you're where it's not healthy for you to watch out for. And I'm sorry you had that experience. Oh my gosh.

Barry:

Well, I'll tell you, at the time it was pretty incredible. And like I said, when I when I went into hypnosis, separate from the sound healing, but when I found somebody who's really good at hypnosis, I think I was out within seconds. And in that space of connection, I was talking with my mother at that point, saying, Hey, just let me live. You know what? I have my own little kids to raise and just let me stay here. I'll join you later. I love you. When I did the sound healing, I was seeing psychedelics within a few moments. And I was saying, wow, I'm in a really good space. It was when she started to bring me out of it that I was like, okay, I can see through one eye now, but what's going on with what's going on with my other eye? And then, and then, and it was, I was fully recovered after maybe two or three hours, something like that. But I had to drive home. So I just like say, okay, I'll wait before I get in a car. Things like that. So the I think the message is find, find what works for you. How find what brings those messages to you. How do you connect with those vibrations? Right. So when we talk about connecting, we throw up blocks every day, every moment that keep us from connecting, right? And so how do we overcome those blocks too?

Joya:

Maybe I'll I think now is a good a good time to branch into the coaching aspect of things, and which, you know, talking about leadership and those blocks are your resistance, right? That are coming up within yourself. So, how do you work with women who encounter those big resistances, those big blocks? That's a question. And then I have another question I want to ask you, but oh, wait.

Barry:

Okay, all right. Well, I'll jump in with that one then. Um, yeah, because I mentioned I do work with um a number of leaders in Silicon Valley. Um one, she's she's one of the executives. I'm gonna say the top one of the top three most valuable companies in the world. So the people that I get to work with, they're they're executives, but then I also work with people who are, you know, frontline managers or individual contributors, things like that. But this one woman, she's a makamaka and She's got a team of a few hundred people. And I remember she's she was very, very competent, very bright, you know, driven, very accomplished and good at what she does. And she was invited to be on stage with some peers and names that you would recognize that are in the news every day. And we had our coaching session, and she was saying, Why am I up there? Is it because was I chosen? I'm the only woman on that panel. Was it was I chosen because I was a woman? Was I chosen um because um, you know, my cultural difference from them, was it being tokenized, things like this? And I said, If if you have, I said, number one, those are blocks right there, right? Because she has something to contribute and she's incredible. We all feel this imposter syndrome, even the brightest, most accomplished people, maybe even more, right? So I said, if you're in your head thinking about what people are gonna think of you in that audience, your head is in the wrong space right now. You've been given a gift. There are women in that audience right now who see you as a role model and think back to when you were in that audience looking up at that woman saying, I want to be like her. I said, You've been given a gift right now to share some of your gifts, and you're not delivering anything. It's coming through you, and you've just been given a gift to deliver something and share it with these people. I again, not you're not delivering something, you're sharing it. If you get in that mindset that you're sharing and you're not taking something, it unblocks you right then and there. That's just one thing that anybody can do. If they're stuck on something, I say, how is it that you're sharing something right now with somebody else in a way that allows you to give a gift?

Joya:

That allows you to give a gift.

Barry:

Right.

Joya:

Give a gift that's the key.

Barry:

To others and yourself. I'm a big believer. Like I believe people should make as much money and be as rich as they possibly can in a way so they can have greater impact and do more, right? I've coached a guy over the course of two years, and he had a hundred thousand dollar salary, coached him for two years, and he's earning close to two million dollars and he is in his mid-30s.

Joya:

Wow.

Barry:

So I have nothing against receiving for yourself too, as long as you're doing it in a way that allows you to share more and have greater impact with others.

Joya:

100% sacred reciprocity, right? And those people are making more of an impact. Good people do good things with their money. I'm like, money is neutral, it's a feminine energy, but it's neutral, kind of like the creative forces that we all work within is neutral, you know. So and I feel like money's the same, it passes through us, it passes through us, and whoever's the mechanism of expression is what's being expressed, and money is the same. Yeah.

Barry:

Yeah.

Joya:

Yeah.

Barry:

And one of the fastest ways to open up those money blocks too is to give it away.

Joya:

Give your money away.

Barry:

Give your money away. What will unblock it faster than giving away some chunk of money that's scary or painful for you?

unknown:

Yeah.

Joya:

I, you know, that I love that because I was at a charity event uh a couple of weeks ago and I was sitting there and they were they had this really fun auctioneer guy come, an official one. And I was like, oh, I've never been in an official auction where he's like auctioning and there's people, he has his people out there that are like yelling and pointing. And I was like, this is really fun. And I had this nudge to make a big donation out of my comfort zone. And I was like, okay, you told me to do it, I'll do it. And so when he got to that number, I raised my little number up and he's like pointed at me, and I was like, okay, it's done. But it's but it came through with an energy of uh sacred reciprocity. Like there was it was such a joy in giving in listening to that message and then in doing it. Yes. That I said, Well, who, you know, when you do that, you open up those channels for receiving.

Barry:

That's exactly right. It just immediately removes the block, it makes you feel good that you've done something. And for the people who say, Well, I don't have any money to give away, let's wait till I have a little bit more money or I'm wealthy and things like that. Don't wait. Because think about this. You want to give away something that feels uncomfortable for you. If you're wealthy, that's a big lot of money. Yeah. You don't have that much, you can give away some bit that feels uncomfortable. It's a smaller amount. But it's that it's the it's the piece of giving away some amount that feels a little bit uncomfortable for you, maybe a little bit scary, that's gonna help unblock that and get more money to flow back in.

Joya:

Yeah, and you know, I did that too. I think I've just always when I hit that, you hear that nudge, I'll do it. And it's been as simple as being so broke that I had five dollars, I was gonna go get a coffee. And instead of buying the coffee for myself, I heard give it to that guy on the corner. And I'm like, okay. So, like those kinds of things where it's uh it's a stretch, but listen.

Barry:

Yeah, yeah, and I think the other piece that I'm hearing as you're saying that is those are nudges in your column, right? But those are the voices, those are the messages. Yes, and so when we talk about being blocked, the messages are coming at us all the time, they're all around us.

unknown:

Yes.

Barry:

And when we say, Hey, please send me a message, they're there.

Joya:

Like, not that one.

Barry:

Well, sometimes we get reminders, right? When we say, Hey, please give me more money, we get a reminder, oh, I'll show you to appreciate money. I'll show you to appreciate what you already have. I will take money away from you. That can happen too. That's like a lesson. We get lessons instead of gifts, but those are messages too.

Joya:

Well, let's talk about that from a, you know, from a leadership standpoint and the work that you're doing, because obviously you're a very valued, wise guide for people who are really in positions of impact and power, but that's a really high level that people get to already. Do you find that it does not matter what level you get to? You still meet these same kinds of resistances as the human nature and they just get bigger in scale, or are they the same kind of things that everybody meets everywhere all the time?

Barry:

So the answer is actually both. So we all have these limiting beliefs, right? We we're not always aware of them or we haven't characterized them yet. So we don't know how to be tuned into them, recognize them for what they are. Um, what I find is with when I'm working with somebody who's an individual contributor or manager, director level person, they're kind of going through the ropes of becoming a leader for the first time, um, and they're learning how to inspire others, which is nobody ever teaches us how to do that, right? And so that's what I'll spend the bulk of my coaching sessions on for somebody at that level. Those are certain tools that I would use at that level, and they're different for somebody who I would use who's a like a C level executive or I also coach CEO startups of companies. There, it's a lot more in your head, in your heart, and connecting with your higher self. The tools are are different. If I started talking about connecting with your higher self to somebody who's a director and wants, you know, a tricky employee to listen to their direction better, it's not the right fit yet. They haven't their vessel's not big enough. Let's put it that way. Yes. We all have vessels for for for receiving wisdom. And what we don't want is more wisdom to come at us than we have vessel to receive it.

Joya:

Absolutely.

Barry:

Our vessel breaks.

Joya:

Yeah, let's let that land for a second because that was a very wise thing to say. And let and that's the prop process of this growth in the entrusting yourself and taking these risks and moving beyond your limitations, is that you expand that capacity to hold that light, to listen to those downloads and take action.

Barry:

Exactly. And so, how do we communicate that or vocalize it or wish for that? For me, it's I I pray to the light that my vessel will be expanded so that I can attract more light into it. If we're feeling that we need to grow, right?

Joya:

So and a note of caution, listeners, when you say that kind of prayer and you really, really mean it, be prepared for all of the stuff you're doing that's in your own way to reveal itself to you. Yeah.

Barry:

Which can feel negative. It can feel negative while we're going through cleansing. It can manifest as what's seeming what feels like very negative.

Joya:

It's like I was praying for the light. Why are all these problems happening? And it's like because the light's revealing to you what your shadows are casting.

Barry:

Yeah. Yeah. And they're lessons for us to move and grow through. And if we don't learn those lessons, they revisit.

Joya:

How do you teach people to look at everything as a lesson versus something happening to you?

Barry:

So I'm, you know, every I think there are coaches who have, you know, their set marketed tool chest of tools that they'll bring out in different situations. And I do have a toolkit of different things, but I don't have a prescribed path that I'm going to take people on a particular journey. I feel it's very, very individual. I have a backlog of people on my waiting list. I work with a few number of people. Um, I feel each person is unique and different. And so it's very tailored to them. And so it really depends on that individual. I I don't want to be evasive in any way, but also there are tools that we were just talking about on this podcast just now that wouldn't be appropriate for everybody depending upon their level of development.

Joya:

It's true. Yeah, it's very true. Yeah.

Barry:

So um, gosh, this is a disappointing answer, I guess. I guess the tools I would use to help them build teams, certain tools to help them communicate better, others to help them inspire, but then others to help them work through blockages and to connect and really get amped up to find their true purpose in their higher self.

Joya:

Do you find that there is a process of evolution that happens before somebody gets to that level of capacity where they're ready to open up and allow their higher self to live through them?

Barry:

Well, it's a good thing that I'm on this podcast today because I have never thought about it as an evolution. And this is this gets to be my own learn learning. So, what what journey am I taking people on? I know that uh work with people, you know, sometimes um uh let's say it might be six months, other times it could be two years and beyond, right? So there must be some evolution happening there, and clearly, I mean they grow. They I don't know that I've ever worked with anybody who hasn't gotten, you know, a promotion in their company within the first year of working with me. Some have gotten two promotions within a single year. There obviously large shifts and changes in their in their salary and things like that. So there's there's definitely an evolution in a career trajectory. Um, is there an evolution in them growing as a person, being open and so forth? To be honest, I don't tell them that I'm gonna take you on a spiritual journey. I do talk about things like expanding your vessel. I tell them about receiving more light, I say being open to more, but I also say things like we work so that we can connect with people and enjoy our families and our life, not the other way around. To me, that's very spiritual, but I don't connect it. I don't say, oh, this is my spiritual belief, and I'm sharing it with you. I think that's very basic, right? We connect with people, we enjoy the company of friends and family. And I have clients who have grown in ways where they have then gotten married, started families, have two children, bought a house over the course of a couple of years of working together, right? So there's an evolution there in that sense.

Joya:

Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

Barry:

And then I think certainly there's an evolution in terms of um, you know, what they're open to, I think receiving to.

Joya:

Yeah, I'm hearing it as that increase in capacity is the increase for goodness in the world coming in through you and how you're living your life. And that definitely impacts people, right? It's like when you go, I thought about this the other morning when I was walking and I thought, you know, it's as simple, we overcomplicate it. And it's really as simple as my purpose is when I go to Target, I show up as love for the cashier, I treat her with kindness, maybe make her laugh or smile. And when I leave, the next person who comes in is some guy who's a tech billionaire who's got his mind preoccupied on this deal that he needs, although he wouldn't be shopping at Target, but let's just use it. Everybody shops at Target. But she treats him with kindness now, which shifts his attitude that he goes out into the world and does this thing. So it's like this these big ripples get created in the world of which we have no no knowledge, right? And it's none of it's really none of our business, but it is to show up in our highest capacity of our own light and our own love and our own goodness and kindness in how we're treating other people in the world.

Barry:

Yeah, it's absolutely true. I find just building on what you just brought up, I find if you know it's so American. Oh, hi, how are you? How is your day? Yes, they don't care. And I'm gonna say it's fine. Go on. So, what I started doing over the past few years is the cashier asks me, How are you doing? And I say, unbelievable. There are very few who are be like, Oh, that sounds terrible. What happened? What went wrong, right? It'll tell you right away. Most of them feel inspired by it. They either start laughing or they feel happy. And once we're in a mode of feeling and expressing joy, that opens us up to right there. We are meant to live lives filled with joy.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Barry:

Right. We talked about other ways of unblocking yourself. Do something that makes you laugh, fill yourself with joy. You're gonna be open to more messages right around you. You'll be able to see them better.

Joya:

It's so true. It is so true. Oh my gosh. And my question that I wanted to ask you about uh working with women in leadership positions in Silicon Valley and in big, you know, big corporations making big impacts in the world. Do you find that there is, and even with men, is there a rise from your perspective in more feminine qualities of leadership?

Barry:

What was the word you said?

Joya:

Is there a rise in the yeah, a rise in the in the less? So what I'm I think what I'm getting at is like less of the um that hardcore masculine hustle culture that's you know, that used to be just so you bump up. It feels like it used to be like, and I lived worked in corporate America, and it felt like a bumping up against everything all the time, versus the feminine nature is more flow and open and receptive.

Barry:

And so I'm just curious if you've noticed a difference in leadership types and if well I can I can say what's made some of the women leaders that I've served on their teams, what I've noticed about them, what what their superpowers are. And and it's not exclusive to women because well, I'll just I'll I'll just tell you like the women they are much in in general tend to be much better communicators and more authentic right off the bat, right? Yep, they right. Um, so um we want empathy in our role as leaders, and if you're a woman and you're expressing empathy, it can be seen as weakness. So that's one thing to watch out for the women leaders that I served under, they weren't weak. I mean, to be a leader in Silicon Valley, you're not weak. Right. You've gotten where you are because you're strong and you know what you're doing and you're a mover. Um, but I've found what their real superpower is, is the ability to show up authentically, to, you know, if they're if they're let's say not the greatest presenter, own it, work through it, build it. I'll coach you through that. Um you know, people want authenticity and they want somebody who um uh isn't as afraid to speak their mind. That's the other thing. As a person on a woman's team, whether it's the woman leader, I knew what she was thinking. I don't always feel that way with dudes, right? We right. That said, um there was a VP at one of the companies at eBay. I was one of the design leaders at eBay, the VP that we had right there, he was a dude and he was unbelievable. He was empathic, incredible communicator, leader, driver, super creative, everything. So it's not exclusive to women and something that's I think coachable in men, but we tend to see it showing up more in women.

Joya:

Yeah, and I think that was really the what I meant by that question was when with feminine leadership is not not always women. It's also men who know how to portray those kinds of things, the empathy and the you know, it's interesting because I was just reading a paper and all the research I'm doing that women, you know, men, it's the masculine tendency for fight or flight, and women's natural tendency is tend and befriend. So we're more of, and that's why more women go to the fawn rather than fight or flight, where the masculine trait is more fight or flight. And so I think it's interesting that for women, for women, the natural ability is tend and befriend. And if you can do that to yourself first, then you can definitely have the capacity to show up like that for other people.

Barry:

That's that's true. I think another thing that I've noticed is not necessarily about the leaders, but it's like as I've been a hiring manager myself and trying to hire people, I've noticed that the women will show up to the interviews under um under expressing their powers. And I don't know they're intentionally saying, Oh, they're not saying I'm not good at this, but but they're not like braggadocea while you where you might get some men kind of saying, Oh my god, I'm so great at this. I delivered X, Y, and Z, and this is pretty amazing, and blah, blah, blah. And they show up and they're pretty good. But the women, you can kind of read it, you see the resumes, see the work they've done, they show up and they're like, I'm good at this, I know how to do this. And they're, I'd say for the more for the most part, understated, but in a way that doesn't shoot themselves in the foot, expresses who they are, and then they just show up and smash it out of the park. That's kind of when you find the right women. That's what women tend to do more of. So, and that's why I love coaching too, right? Because they're just like, oh my God, these are A-tier players who have their own limiting beliefs, and let's get that out of the way because you're going places.

Joya:

Wow.

Barry:

I love working with somebody like that. Um I wanted I want to ask you permission to to plug something that's that's okay, that's I call it postcards for healing, but it relates to something we were talking about before, and it's helping others heal if that's okay. Yes, of course. Because I know our time is winding down, and I love this. On a couple other podcasts, I I get on such a roll I forget to even mention it.

Joya:

Yes, please do.

Barry:

But I think it's valuable for your guests. One of the things I just launched at Carmel Retreats, which are these wellness, joy, romance retreats for a week in Carmel, is that I have gaps in my booking calendar. And I used to give away those gaps to artists and writers, and I'd meet really great people. But I started this new campaign that I just launched. You can be one of the first to know about it and your audience. I call it Postcards for Healing. And so I am now giving away those gaps in my calendar to people who are coming through healing, loss, and in need of wellness.

Joya:

Oh, that's beautiful.

Barry:

And it's 100% free. So I'm giving these stays away for free. Come to Carmel for free. And I want, I need to get the word out to these people. And so the way I've set it up is you go to my website, Carmel Retreats.com, click on postcards at the top nav, and I ask people to submit a postcard, literally a physical postcard. So this is one that I got recently.

Joya:

Oh about being love that showing up.

Barry:

Um, where you nominate somebody you know who's in need of wellness and healing. Oh, I'm the reason for that is like I wanted something very physical. Like we're just used to like, you know, tweeting and DMing and nowadays, and just like old school. I want old school postcards, right? I'm gonna make you write a postcard with pen and ink, put a postage stamp on it, mail it to me, and all the information is on that page. It's called Postcards for Healing. And it's kind of this two-step process where it's like maybe you, Joy, is you like you're nominating somebody else who needs it. That means there's a gift coming from you. And what do I do? I become the enabler of your gift.

Joya:

Wow.

Barry:

So it's kind of this virtuous circle, right? And then I get to have the person to my cottage who's coming through healing, which in turn that heals me because um I have I have so many incredible and actually unbelievable stories of healing coming out of that cottage that we'll we'll share that in another podcast. I can only for now I I I want I would love to have postcards. I know of a lottery and invite people to come stay for free.

Joya:

Oh, that's so generous and so lovely. And wow, I I love that so much. I will definitely have that link down below for everybody to be able to find that. And I'm gonna write my own postcard to send to you first. I automatically thought of somebody I want to have go there who can't afford it.

Barry:

Unfortunately, we we all know somebody who's coming through something.

Joya:

We do, right? We do. And that's why that's really why I transitioned my podcast too to talk more about the mystical aspects of life and grief and death and dying and all of the things of these aspects of life that are our reality that nobody wants to talk about or look at, but they're also the most powerful uh awarenesses that we can have that help us to live a life of meaning and impact.

Barry:

Right.

Joya:

Yeah.

Barry:

That just sparked something else. But you were gonna ask you.

Joya:

No, no, no, go ahead.

Barry:

What was your story? Um you know, coming through coming through healing and illness and so forth, I just remember when I was diagnosed, there's a lot of people out there who are just like, and I had one of a friend who unfortunately she didn't make it, but a lot of people say, Oh, F cancer. I won't use the word on the on the podcast, F cancer. It's like, um, and I don't know why I didn't embrace that approach. It's not like I thought, oh, that's wrong. I think that's works for a lot of people, but for me, I blessed my cancer. I blessed my cancer and I said, You're part of my body, and I bless you out of my body now. Go away. And I reminded myself one percent of my body is ailing. 99% of my body is absolutely 100% healthy, and so I think that's part of the healing process. When we remind ourselves, when we come to Carmel or Florence or Paris or wherever these beautiful places are in the world that we go, you remind yourself, yeah, okay, I'm dealing with this right now, but 99% of my body is healthy right now. Let that piece grow.

Joya:

So beautiful. So beautiful. Barry, I know we are coming at the end of our time here. Do you have any final words of wisdom that you would like to share with listeners?

Barry:

Um, wait, words of wisdom. I think well, I'll reiterate. I mean, I think it's that piece about trying to find that voice within. It's for that, I so what does that mean? It's so nebulous, but I mean it's really just spend the time, don't wait to be going through trauma, loss, illness. We all have enough signals in our life, like I'm stressed, my kids are, you know, driving me crazy, my job, my boss, everything else. We have enough of those small signals, right? Embrace those and say, I'm gonna be intentional about spending two minutes a day, which I couldn't even do in the beginning. I'm gonna spend two minutes a day attracting that vision in my mind of how I want things to go great. And I'm gonna do it in real time and tell my brain it's actually happening now. I already have that wealth, I have that number in my head, I have that next position that I want. I ace that next job interview. I've already done it. I already got that job. To spend two minutes doing that a day, I think anybody can do that. In the beginning, it might be a struggle, but that's just one tool. That or find find your version of Thunderstruck by ACDC. Um find your song and jam out to it.

Joya:

Yeah, mine is unwritten by Natasha Bettingfield.

Barry:

Okay. I put it right, put that out there, but I think each person needs to find their own song. So now they have two good possibilities.

Joya:

And those are both, they're both joyful exercises, right? That bring hope and vision and and elevate your consciousness. They elevate your frequency instantly when you do that. Yeah.

Barry:

I have two amazing um reasons to be healthy and thrive in life. They're my boys and they're pretty incredible. I'm so thankful that I get to spend my life with them. They're two of my greatest teachers. I think any parent would say that about their kids.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Barry:

Um, but thank you for saying those things and reflecting back for me so that I can kind of share some of those pieces more. But I'll say this too. I hope I see you in Carmel. Or maybe not even in Carmel. Maybe it's just some random spot, and I'm gonna be like, wait, I know you got podcasts.

Joya:

No, I'm definitely gonna be making a trip to Carmel. I will be in your neck of the woods in December for a fantastic, amazing, beautiful experience for the solstice. So I think I'll book some time at your place before that and give myself a little healing retreat of my own.

Barry:

I would love to see you. Yeah. That's wonderful.

Joya:

Barry, thank you for your time and for being here and for so generously sharing your heart and your wisdom and your space that you've created and just your eunus. You're such a special human being.

Barry:

I appreciate the time that you spent with me, and I appreciate your audience and your listeners for listening.

Joya:

Thank you. Thank you for listening. I invite you to like, subscribe, and share this episode with anyone you think would enjoy it. I appreciate it so much. And I would like to invite you to attend the Sacred Return Retreat in Sedona, Arizona in November. You can find all of the information for that on my website at thatmystic.com. See you next week. Bye.