E14: How to Know When It's Time for a Change

Sometimes the most important question isn't what you should do next. It's whether you're willing to stop forcing something that no longer fits.

In this episode I'm sharing a conversation I had as a guest on the Badass Women in Business podcast — a conversation that ended up being one of the clearest articulations of what this show is really about. We talk about how I knew it was time to leave my career in television news, what it looks like to follow the breadcrumbs of joy, and why learning to feel your way toward clarity is more reliable than thinking your way there.

What We Talk About In This Episode

• How I knew something was wrong even when everything looked right on the outside
• The difference between forcing a path and following what feels alive
• Why I spent years taking opportunities just to stay relevant — and when I stopped
• Following the breadcrumbs: how saying yes to small things that sparked something led me somewhere I never planned
• Why you can't always think your way into clarity — and what to do instead
• The inside work that has to happen before the outside can change
• How to recognize when something has run its course — without waiting for a crisis to force the change

Transcript

Hey everyone, welcome back to More Like You with me, Angie Mizzell Right now I'm deep in preparation for my upcoming talk at Take the Lead

powerful event for women leaders focused on health, wealth and career growth.

As I've been shaping my message for that stage, I kept coming back to this conversation I had as a guest on the Badass Women in Business podcast.

In that episode, we talked about something I know so many women wrestle with. How to know when it's time for a change and how do you trust yourself enough to make that change? How do you stop forcing a path that no longer fits and start feeling your way forward instead?

So today I'm sharing this conversation because it lays the foundation for everything I'll be talking about on stage next week.

And if you're in the Charlotte area on Friday, April 4th and want to be in that room, I'd love for you to come. The link to register is in the show notes and you can use code AMizzellVIP for $300 off your ticket.

Okay, let's dive in.

Speaker 2 (01:03)
So today we have the privilege of having Angie Mizzell live from Charleston, South Carolina. Angie, welcome to the show. It's a pleasure to have you.

Speaker 1 (01:14)
am so happy to be here. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 (01:17)
for you, a loaded one, tell us who you are.

Speaker 1 (01:20)
I am a mom of three. I am a former television journalist and I am a writer. And I say all of those things, especially starting with the former television journalist, because that is how I started my career. It is, I'm, I think like a journalist, you know, I have this training, but leaving that career.

had such a profound impact on me that it really forced me to look back on my life and figure out where I was going with it. and in the process of reinventing my career, I discovered that I was a writer. So, and through blogging, you know, I was a late adopter to blogging, but I realized that I really loved taking snippets of my life and anytime I had a moment where

just like a shift in perspective or something. I would want to tell a story about my day. So that is who I am. I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a friend. And I really am here to tell my story so that others can recognize themselves. And in my story, sometimes when you tell your story, they recognize their own story and they start to make connections with their own life.

And that's really why I'm here.

Speaker 2 (02:43)
feel like the subtext to that should be, am a woman, based on what you just said, because those are such powerful things. I love when our guests start by, I am a mother, because that just brings so many more colors to the conversation.

Speaker 1 (03:01)
I just believe in my bones that there's no right way to be a woman or a wrong way to be a woman. And that is really a message that I hope I can help people embrace so that they can pave their own way in their womanhood and recognize.

the gifts and the talents and the unique qualities that they bring to the table and their passions and their interests. It's all needed.

Speaker 3 (03:31)
love that perspective. Angie, one thing I found really interesting and kind of like reading through your website and how you got to where you are today is you said something that you want to be a catalyst who helps high achieving woman release a lifetime of shoulds. Can you go deeper into that and what that really means for you? Because I think that is an epidemic and I'd love to see some kind of ideas around it.

Speaker 1 (03:56)
If I back up to, I would say my mid to late 20s, my career is starting to take off in television news. And I start to feel myself shift and I start to go, oh wait, I'm not sure if I actually want this.

But in my mind, I was thinking, I should want to keep moving from city to city to advance my career. Why am I suddenly feeling like maybe I want to settle down in my hometown of Charleston? I shouldn't want that. And I think we get so many messages and they come from all sorts of directions that cause us to

doubt our inner voice and we just don't feel like we can trust it because we have all these other messages telling us what we should and shouldn't want. So I really feel like the best way to start to dismantle that is to create safe spaces for conversations, and that's really what I hope to do through my writing.

or even having a podcast like this where you bring people in and we start talking, that's how we do it. But when I just look at my story, the biggest thing that I suddenly realized that allowed me to walk away from a career in the spotlight was that I don't

have to be in the spotlight to be loved. I don't have to put myself in these positions to get praise to prove that I'm worthy. And I really want women to untangle those beliefs.

Speaker 2 (05:37)
We started this podcast originally because of a storytelling issue. We started this podcast because we were talking to a lot of women who are business owners who feel like they're not special, who feel like what they're doing is not extraordinary, who do not see that little piece of gold, the filament of gold that they have in their storyline that would make them attract other people and bring them in on their journey.

And so based on what you were saying, I was going to continue on that and ask you how, you you've worked in news, you're ready, you've written a book, you have all of these abilities to tell a story. And how has it helped you in growing who you are, your career, the ways that you have changed over time?

Speaker 1 (06:32)
It really was in working the story backwards that I started to get more connected to who I was

I really feel like it's important not just to figure out the sad things that happened to us and dig around in there and make ourselves really sad and depressed, but to start to look at how those turning points may have shaped how we defended ourselves the things we did to protect ourselves.

from pain and loss So what I feel like conversations do, because they're so connected to story, is it helps people peel back those layers of like the facade that we put up. And sometimes we don't even realize we're doing it. I think the closer we get to who we are on the inside, it helps us find fulfillment in whatever it is we're doing.

whether the work is bringing a lot of recognition or whether you're working silently in the background, because you know that you are contributing, that you are using the unique thing that you bring to the table and you are part of this bigger picture. And that's really what I want for so many women because we are always struggling for what is enough.

How do you measure success? Is it my paycheck? Is it how happy I am at work? Does it have to be all of that? Does my life have to look exactly like yours? I think we have to keep digging in and getting closer and closer to just being friends with ourselves so that we can answer that for ourselves. And you know it because you feel it.

Speaker 3 (08:29)
you probably didn't land at where you're at today as the storyteller, book writer, those pieces of yourself. What were the different steps and the paths and places along your journey that got you to where you are today? Like every time you hit that place where you're like, ooh, this isn't it. And let me go reinvent. My first question is, what gave you the courage?

to step into something new and then recognize it wasn't it and be willing to take a leap into something different.

Speaker 1 (09:00)
So in my memoir, Girl in the Spotlight, it is, it's truly a series of turning points and moments that build on each other so that by the time you take that leap, you realize it's not just one thing. But very close to the end of my career when I finally had the courage to walk away, I found myself in therapy. And I'm telling the therapist, I think I want to quit my job.

And she said, well, if you could be doing anything else, what would you be doing? And I said, I think I would write essays for Skirt Magazine. It was a local magazine. And maybe I would be a personal trainer. But where did that come from? And even when I was writing the book, I wrote the question, where did that come from? And everyone who was reading my story as a early reader was like, well, where did that come from? And I just think it came from someplace in me that I'd always...

exercised and found, maybe as I was connecting with my body, I realized that it would make me happier and I would see people at the gym. And so I don't really know. But when I walked out of that therapy appointment, I called one of my former personal trainers, is a really cool guy who's a friend of mine. And I said, I really feel like I want to explore this kind of random thing that came up in therapy.

And he sat down and met with me and a couple of things. I mean, he talked to me about the business of being a trainer. But the biggest thing that happened when we left that coffee meeting was he said, what's your perfect day? And I just looked at him like, what are you even asking me? What do you mean, what's my perfect day? And what I even realized in that moment, I think a perfect day is just having enough freedom in my life that I can

meet somebody for coffee if I want to. Like I had been so stressed that and then he asked me, he told me to get a book called Who Moved My Cheese. And I did, I ran back in and bought the book Who Moved My Cheese. And there was a question in the book that says, what would you do if you weren't afraid? So I knew immediately if well, if I wasn't afraid, I would walk away from this career. So

The first thing I did was I went to that trainer I met. said, hey, I read that book you told me to read and now I'm looking for a job. So I worked at the front desk of a gym. You know, I worked at, yeah, I worked at the front desk of a gym and I helped do sales and like sell memberships while I got my personal trainer certification. And I did start submitting essays to that magazine that I seem so interested in. And because I kept putting myself out there,

just different opportunities that lined up with my training kept coming up. I've done freelance marketing and PR with another woman. We just wrote press releases and helped people plan public events and opportunities to do commercials have come my way. It's interesting because it never really felt connected when people say, who are you? What do you do?

I'm like, I don't, I don't know. I just, it felt really, and sometimes you do have to look back and see the through line or just even fill out your LinkedIn profile. Cause we all have to do that. But sometimes when you start to do that, you're like, look at all the things that I can do that I have done that tell a bigger story about who I am. So I have really just been freelancing.

and keeping a very full schedule for quite a while while I'm writing a book on the side, doing a whole lot of things that didn't make a lot of sense to me in terms of answering that question, who are you, what do you do, until recently that it all kind of comes together. I don't really know what to make of that, except I think we can get really tripped up with trying to define ourselves instead of just letting our life

unfold.

Speaker 3 (13:21)
what you did is you kept yourself open to the journey versus boxing yourself in to a certain stereotype or position or career. When you open yourself up to all possibilities, it allows the universe, whatever you want to call it, to start dripping in different ideas, different connections, different opportunities that then clearly allows you to lead to where you are today, right? And if you didn't,

step in and do the work at the front desk. And if you didn't, you know, be like, can just do freelancing and piecemeal stuff together. You probably wouldn't be where you are today and as happy and fulfilled.

Speaker 1 (14:03)
But I will be completely honest when I say I resisted this the whole time. I mean, I could have also been a little bit happier and more free because I think I was trying still to like box myself in. But it's almost like my life wouldn't let me box myself in. what I realized somewhere along the way, though, I did realize

what I was doing was tuning in to how I felt on the inside. And I started to develop a radar that if an opportunity came my way and it made me feel contracted and kind of tense, I learned to pass on those. And what I realized I was doing is I was saying a lot yes to a lot of things because in the moment I was feeling some sort of spark. And I definitely feel like that it's like a trail of breadcrumbs. And once I stopped

taking opportunities because I thought it might, this is huge, because I thought it might keep me relevant. Because I think at the beginning I was doing that. If an opportunity came my way, I'm like, I need to do that because again, it's going to keep me relevant or make me look important. And then I would notice, well, I just feel miserable doing this. You start to tune into yourself and that's it. Follow the breadcrumbs of joy. And if something does,

spark inside of you, might be worth exploring. I'm not sure if I all the way subscribe to if it's a hell yes, if it's not a hell yes, then it's a no. But I have learned that it needs to be about 85 to 95 percent of a yes for me to do it, because I don't think any scenario is perfect. You know, there's always going to be pros and cons to any sort of adventure you take on.

Speaker 2 (15:59)
I love that journey of authenticity and I had that conversation, almost that exact conversation yesterday with a client who it's so easy when you're in front of somebody and that somebody says, hey, do you do that too? To say, yeah, yeah, I do, I can do it. And then you finally end up coming out of that meeting or that get to know period and.

you actually take inventory of the resources that it would take you to do whatever you promised that you could do. And you realize it is completely out of your comfort zone, that it will take you more time than it would have taken you to partner with somebody and grow that business And so many women especially do that because

they want to remain relevant. So I love it. I love that you took it there. also want to go back to where you said be friends with yourself because I feel that especially our gender has this habit of being really hard on oneself and being overly judgmental of how we look, of how we feel, of being just uncomfortable, most than being comfortable.

Speaker 1 (17:16)
But you know, I think it might have even been at the process of writing the book because it did sort of teach me to become my own friend in that in my story, I just had a lot of loss and things that I just think I was a children are resilient, right? And I was always the child that did the right thing and made the good grades. And everybody was proud of me and that kind of thing.

But when I really started to look at my story and look at these turning points of loss I started to make a connection between how the loss I was experiencing in my life came to a head just as I was about a senior in high school and I started thinking about what I was going to do. And I started to notice how I was turning to the spotlight as a way

to just ease some of the pain, know, just something I was subconsciously doing. And in looking back at the story, I had to look at the little girl that I was and love her and tell her that it was not her fault. She didn't do this. She didn't cause this. And...

I really realized I was carrying some grief that I had never fully processed. And I started crying for the little girl. And that I think is you work on healing yourself. because you start to have a lot of compassion for yourself.

And I've also been lucky that I think I have enough good people in my life, women in my life, who when they catch me using language, that is hard on myself. I'm very hard on myself and I don't even realize it. And I've had enough people in my life go, okay, let's reframe that. Like, you know, is that really exactly what happened? And to the point now that I've had so much practice that I catch myself.

you know, when I start talking negatively to myself and being too hard on myself. It's like you might just need a nap, you know.

Speaker 2 (19:36)
This is going to be the quote of the day. You might just need a nap. I'll just say that in my next live session when I feel deficed, I'll be like, you may just need a nap. That was brilliant.

Speaker 3 (19:50)
Thank you, first of all, for being so transparent and vulnerable. I think the more all of us start showing up as our true selves and sharing, it's not an easy journey or path that you've gone on. You talk about breaking cycles of the past. Those cycles could be your own or it could be oriented from the family unit. It could be oriented from your social environment.

Speaker 1 (20:08)
Right?

Speaker 3 (20:18)
from your physical environment? Talk to us a little bit more on how you went down the path of exploring the different cycles. Like you just mentioned, when you have really good people around you that know you, they can identify when you're doing it. But what was your trigger to start exploring that maybe this isn't mine, maybe this was just the way I was brought up, maybe this was just a condition in my environment?

What was it that made you start looking at your life in that perspective?

Speaker 1 (20:50)
start by saying, there's always a moment that stands out as a big one. But I do think it was slowly showing me right and even after I left my career and even later, it's like I do believe lessons circle back around until you really learn them. So a lot of this stuff kept going back around. what I really remember

is being at a place in my life where I felt finally ready to start a family. And I resisted it for a while because I thought I needed to reach a certain level of success in my career, that my husband and I needed to get to a certain place so we could be like, okay, now we're set. But I remember feeling ready and I could almost see myself holding my child that did not yet exist yet.

And I knew that I wanted to help that person become whoever they were supposed to become. That I was not going to tell them who they needed to be. Of course, I tell my children that they're great, but I'm not saying you need to...

take this career path or that, or you're really good at that, you should do that. So it was almost that first step was a decision to not live vicariously through my children. Now I am their biggest cheerleader and I love like when they're doing something big and I mean, I applaud them and I'm a super supportive mom, but I'm also trying to help them make decisions in the moment of

does this light you up?

So I think that that is just one thing I've done to break a cycle is to really just try to support my children on their path to becoming whoever they want to be And then I think starting to realize how the people pleaser in me

I really felt like I was responsible for everybody's feelings and moods. And that takes a lot of work to go, that actually isn't mine. I think it takes work to be able to go, wait, that's not me. And for stuff that's that deep, I highly recommend working with a professional. There's certain things that we have to dig into to try to do it on your own.

that could be more dangerous than not dealing with it at all.

Speaker 3 (23:37)
would absolutely agree with you. Yeah, we support therapy professionals, all of that, all along the way, because you need that support system outside of your family and friends, where you can just get really raw, vulnerable, but also be given tools, right? We've all done therapy, I've done therapy, and I always look back and I go, wow, look at all these tools I have now, which gives me the ability to reflect and see things through a different lens.

Like I just had my family here for an entire month and I was able to look at them from a lens of compassion where before I would get angry and frustrated and look at them and go, why do you think that way? And I'm like, it doesn't matter. That's their choice. That's their life. That's their journey. And when you can remove yourself from that environment and recognize that you have a choice.

That's really what you're talking about. And the thing that I absolutely love is the question, does this light you up? Like if we just even ask that simple question more often in every single thing we do, that is such a great guiding light.

Speaker 1 (24:47)
That is my advice to anyone. It's just start to recognize those moments like this right now, this what we're doing right now. This lights me up.

And I think when you notice that you're in a moment that lights you up, you start to notice when your energy is drained. I've been with these people and I don't, just, something is off. And I think we get tripped up because we think we need to do something about that right away.

Like, am I supposed to break up with that friend? Do I need to quit the job? I? Well, I mean, who knows? It's just to get to a place that you can even tell this, this is a yes, this lights me up. This leaves me feeling drained. And I think the more we are tuned in to what is happening to us on the inside, we're building our confidence to start making choices that serve us and support us.

Speaker 2 (25:49)
I love where you're taking this because it goes back to the conversation we just had about being friends with yourself, right? Because if it brings you joy and it lights you up, it brings you also confidence and it's easy. You don't have to work too hard at it. And I think that that's the thing that a lot of people and especially lot of women forget is the fact that if it brings you joy, it shouldn't be hard.

Of course there is some effort, but there's also the expectations that we're putting on ourselves that if somebody tells you you're supposed to be friends with this person, but there really isn't that connection that magnetizes you to them, then it takes a lot of effort. if it brings you joy, if you're confident about it, it shouldn't be hard.

Speaker 3 (26:38)
our listeners that are primary women who own their own businesses, who may be sitting at the top feeling really alone, you as someone who's doing all the pieces by yourself, where do you find the support to keep yourself going?

Speaker 1 (26:59)
I have always put a premium on my relationships. So I feel like I definitely get it from my family, my husband and my kids.

I have really good friends and I don't get to spend as much time with people as I like, but you know, I will just say that the support to keep going comes from relationships. It absolutely does. Because I, even though I'm a healthy person, I exercise, I eat well, you know, drink water and all the things you're supposed to do, my self-care is the first thing that I will.

knock off my list when I start getting too busy. So don't follow my example there. But I think it really is. It's just people. And I'll tell you, I really started to notice this during the pandemic, that we were feeling so alone. I just started to notice who was texting me. Who...

Who was making the effort to reach out? Now that doesn't mean I canceled the people who weren't reaching out. What I'm saying is, as busy as I can feel sometimes, I really pay attention to the people in my life who are making an effort, and I make sure to let them know that I appreciate it. I I feel like we don't have as much time as we want to spend with people, and I don't think it's necessarily about spending time. I mean, you can just, just to say thank you.

I'm thinking of you today. So I would say hands down, my relationships.

Speaker 2 (28:39)
That is such an exciting and sad topic as well because friendships and relationships and connections, take work, right? So we talked about ease, but I was the same way during COVID and trying to figure out like, who's going to reach out to me without me having to make the effort to reach out first, right? Because a relationship is supposed to be both ways. It's not just one person carrying the burden.

of that and the other person being like, oh, well, I don't have to worry about her because she always reaches out or whichever way you take it. But I find it such an interesting topic to delve in just because building relationships, know that Christy and I are very passionate about this because we believe that growth is done through partnership and collaboration, which means that we have to form those relationships.

with other service providers that are adjacent to us or our own clients or our friends and our personal networks because it takes a village to succeed. It's not just a you and a blip in the universe doing it all by yourself, but finding those partnerships, relationships that are two-sided is interesting.

Speaker 1 (29:57)
One is someone who are used to, mean, and when I say used to, I'm talking about high school me. You know, I was popular. I put a lot like that was a value to me, like where you collect friends. Or if I'm having a party, even now as an adult, I tend to want to invite everybody and sometimes a group dynamic can get tricky. So what I have learned over the years is that

you really only need, like if you think about your inner circle and who truly has earned your trust, does that need to be a whole lot of people? I mean, could it be just one? I say absolutely. But we need to try to have at least one. You know, if we have one or two people that we know are in our corner, I think that that's really all we need. And then

I don't play games with people anymore. So sometimes I do feel like, wow, I've texted that person a couple of times, I haven't heard back from them. I don't try to play a game. I'm gonna set this out and see if they notice that I haven't texted them. It's like, if I'm thinking about somebody, I reach out to them. And I think when you take that energy out of the relationship, this tit for tat.

We're keeping score here. The truest people will stay and they'll show up for you. And that's just something I've learned. don't mean that took a while to

Speaker 2 (31:31)
So for those of you who don't know, my life is literally a musical. So now in my head, not only am I singing All You Need Is Love, but all I wanted to say, since you said popular, is for me to go, you will be popular. You're gonna be popular. Thank you. Musical.

Speaker 1 (31:53)
Oh

my goodness. You are now speaking my love language. This is my love language. I want to just live in a musical. I mean.

Speaker 2 (32:02)
Well, you should have said that at the beginning. You should have said that at the beginning. I would have told Trey prepare a soundtrack, we will sing the whole thing out.

Speaker 1 (32:12)
do that with my kids sometimes. like, okay, now I feel like I can't do it on the spot, but I sing everything I need them to do. Like it's a Disney song, you know.

Speaker 2 (32:21)
And though the day

she does the rapping section. That's what she does.

Speaker 1 (32:34)
We could take the show on the road. I'm so excited.

Speaker 3 (32:37)
I'll

be the producer.

Speaker 2 (32:38)
Her backstage name is Christy Minaj and she knows what I'm talking about.

Speaker 3 (32:43)
Nope, nope.

Speaker 1 (32:45)
So funny.

Speaker 3 (32:46)
Thanks, Aggie, for letting the secret out of the bag. Angie, this has been super enlightening, and I'm sure there's many hearts that you will touch on this interview that we've done today, this time we've had to spend together. I like to end on two different things. One, if someone's super inspired by what they've heard here today, how do they find you? And number two, what is one thing that you feel that every single woman, that they can take that opportunity to take the next

in the exploration of themselves to figuring out what truly lights them up.

Speaker 1 (33:21)
I would say to any woman,

at any sort of crossroads or turning point, just go through one day and look back on that day or in the moment, pay attention to how certain interactions made you feel, like tune in to when you feel yourself expand, when you feel yourself contract. And I believe that's the first step to everything, noticing how you feel in your body.

when you're going through your day. Because I feel like our bodies, our bodies know sometimes before our minds do.

Speaker 3 (34:04)
Angie, thank you so much for being here today, being vulnerable, sharing your story. And I hope that many of our listeners go and support Angie, get her new book, really dive into her life story and learn how you can heal yourself as well along the way. Thank you, Aggie. Thank you, Angie, for being here today.

Speaker 1 (34:23)
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (34:25)
Thanks

ladies, this was fantastic. See you next time.

Angie Mizzell (34:30)
thank Aggie and Christy from the Badass Women in Business podcast for having me on their show and allowing me to share our conversation.

If today's episode sparked something in you and you're in the Charlotte area, I'd love for you to join me at Take the Lead Charlotte on Friday, April 4th.

I'll share how one shift in perspective can help you make bold, aligned decisions. the link is in the show notes and you can use my code AMizzellVIP to grab a ticket for $300 off.

More Like You will be back with new episodes in a few weeks. In the meantime, you can always connect with me at angiemizzell.com or on

this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it or leave a review. It truly helps more people find the

for listening. And until next time, pay attention to what lights you up. That's what leads you to a life that feels more like you.