How Will You Spend Your Dash?

In Today’a episode Lauren reads a poem that had a significant impact on her life and reads her High School Senior Speech. Join us for a vulnerable conversation on how you are choosing to live your one beautiful life!

Transcript

All right, welcome back to MILF season this week. I'm getting right into things. To graduate from the high school that I went to, you had to write a senior speech. It was a very big deal. It was extremely nerve-wracking. You started out at this high school maybe as a freshman. Maybe you went there for middle school. Either way, every Friday at Friday Forum, we would all gather in the gym, middle and high schoolers, all staff, all teachers, everybody, and we would do announcements for the whole school and then two or three seniors each week would get up and they would read a senior speech.

I can't remember the time limit on it, but it had to be at least a certain amount of minutes long and then couldn't be over X minutes long. And I volunteered to go first, which meant that I was reading my senior speech on Grandparents Day. So not only was I reading my speech in front of the entire upper and middle school, I was also reading it in front of everybody's, you know, two to four grandparents.

And the reason I chose to go first was not because I wanted to, or not because I wanted to get my senior speech out of the way. was because I was having surgery on both of my legs and the doctors kind of told me that there was a chance I would be in a wheelchair and I did not wanna do my senior speech sitting down in a wheelchair. So I volunteered to get it, go first and get it done.

And you know, going to this high school, you're really like, oh my God, what am I gonna write my senior speech on? It's something that you kind of start thinking about as a freshman because you're like, if I graduate from here, like I have to do this to graduate. it's a graduation requirement.

And I had no idea. All throughout high school, I was like, I have no clue what I'm gonna write my senior speech on. And then my junior year, I went to a girls leadership camp.

And I was talking to my mom because I was like, I don't even remember how I found out about this girls camp, but I applied and I got in and I went. And I don't remember much of it since it was from high school, but I remember it being an amazing experience. I met girls from all over the country who have all gone on to be really successful.

And I remember distinctly one of our sessions at this camp, the leader of the group was a woman who, now that I'm 24, she was probably college age, a little bit older, and she was great. And I remember us reading a poem called The Dash. And as soon as we read that poem, I was like, this is what I'm gonna write my senior speech on.

I knew instantly that the poem had such a profound effect on me, and I instantly knew I'm going to write my senior speech on this poem, which was also a huge relief, because like I said, I had no idea what I was gonna write it on. And senior year was coming up, and I was like, wow, I'm gonna have to have this surgery, I'm gonna have to get this done early, and I got an idea from a leadership camp, And today I wanted to read you that poem and then I'm gonna read my senior speech, which I haven't read this poem or read my senior speech since 2017.

It's now 2024, so you do the math. I haven't read my senior speech in several, several years. And for a minute, I didn't even remember what my senior speech was on.

I got to thinking about it one night. I was like, I wonder, like, what did I write my senior speech on? Then I was going to bed and I was like, oh my God, I wrote it on the dash.

And I was like, I should like read this on my podcast. So that's what we're gonna do today. So I'm not even gonna waste any more time with my intro.

Not waste, it's not a waste of time, but I'm not gonna keep chit-chatting and I'm going to read you The Dash. The Dash by Linda Ellis. I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following dates with tears. But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth. And now, only those who love them know what that little line is worth. For it matters not how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash.

What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that things can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel and be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love people in our lives like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, when your life's actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash? Alright here comes my senior speech based off of this poem. I've had a number of experiences that have forced me to stop and reflect on my life.

This summer, I attended a leadership camp called Grab the Torch, or GTT for short. I learned a lot about myself while at GTT. One of the most important lessons was that everyone has a purpose and everyone leaves a legacy.

During one of the activities at camp, where we had to reflect on what we thought our purpose was, I became incredibly frustrated. Almost all of the girls knew what their purpose was. They knew what they wanted to do with their lives and I did not.

I found this irritating and became upset with myself because I didn't have a plan for my future. I realized, though, there was a problem with the way I was thinking. Instead of thinking about what my purpose may be in the future, I should have been thinking about what my purpose was in everyday life.

We're constantly living for the future. We're always thinking about that big thing that may happen next in life. But why can't we live for today?

Why can't our purpose be part of our daily lives? After reflecting on these questions, I finally came to realize what my purpose is and how that purpose will affect my legacy. In fact, I began to ask, why must one's legacy be left behind after death?

Can our legacy be what we work on and think about every day? Linda Ellis reflects on this question in a poem she wrote called The Dash. When looking at the face of a gravestone, people generally look first at the name that's written, and following this, the birth date and the date of death.

Those dates are stark reminders that our time here on Earth is limited. If you know me well, then you know I don't handle the topic of death well. In fact, I don't deal with it at all.

For whatever reason, when the topic is brought up and I start thinking about it, I end up having severe panic attacks. So I find it peculiar that I was incredibly drawn to this poem by Ellis. When looking back at the gravestone, it is the dash in between those dates that is most important and Ellis' poem is about that dash.

She writes, For the dash represents all the time we have spent alive on earth, but only those who love you know what that little line is worth. I only have a limited time here on earth and time is the most important gift you can give someone. So how do I want to spend my time?

How do I want people to remember me? How do I want to spend my dash? Despite how much I don't like thinking about this, imagine you were told you only had a month to live or maybe even a day.

When starting to reflect on your life, would you be proud of the things you did during the dash? Your dash of life? Every little action or thing we do has an impact on the people around us.

Do we think enough about what kind of an impact we have on others? While at GTT, Dave Aldrich, the owner and founder of the camp, led us in an activity. We were each given a piece of construction paper and a tube of toothpaste.

Dave told us we had a few minutes to draw something that was important to us on our construction paper with the toothpaste. Once our time was up, Dave said, Okay, now I want you to put the toothpaste back in the tube. Not even 30 seconds had passed before almost all of us figured out that the task at hand was impossible. Are you sure it can't be done? Question Dave. Of course, being questioned by the adult running the activity instilled some doubt in our minds. But we stuck to our beliefs. We were sure there was no possible way to put the toothpaste back in the tube.

You're right, Dave concluded. There is no way to put the toothpaste back. You have made an impact on your paper and there is no way you can undo that action. The toothpaste is like our words and actions every day. In addition, everything we post on social media is permanently there. Every little thing we say, do, or post will have an impact on others surrounding us. For young people, this is a problem because we tend to speak before we even think about what we are saying. We believe something is true, so we blurt out our opinion and don't bother to listen to others. I mean, it is our opinion, therefore it must be correct, correct?" Ellis continues in her poem, So think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change?

I suspect that no one is completely satisfied with themselves. When thinking about my dash, I know there are things I would like to change, and I try to work on them. If I'm to be honest with you, I'm quite judgmental. The phrase judging a book by its cover perfectly sums up my life. I am very quick to judge and generally my initial thoughts of people are completely wrong. When thinking about my legacy and my impact on others, I don't want people to remember me as someone who is judgmental. Rather, I want people to remember me as someone who is compassionate, kind, and loving. I want my dash to have a positive impact on the people around me. It's important to realize that we leave a legacy everywhere we go, not just in school, sports, or after our deaths. This past summer, my sister and I got jobs waitressing at Migas Lodge on Sebago Lake. When starting my job, I was quite disoriented when it came to making my way around Migas. Through this disorientation, I had an experience I encountered on multiple different occasions and it had a powerful impact on me. When seeing me for the first time, many of the young mygas employees shook my hand and had a conversation with me.

I was taken aback by this. I hadn't yet encountered a young adult willing to shake my hand, introduce themselves to me, and make conversation. This small exchange of words and the mere act of shaking my hand isn't one I've forgotten because it was so significant to me. Little actions like these are ones I strive to keep in mind in my everyday life. So what is it you're going to do with the remaining days of your life? With every day of your life?

What do you want your impact on your loved ones and friends to be? How do you want them to remember you? If I had not attended GTT this summer, I would have never thought about my everyday legacy, and I would not have fully realized how much of an impact I make on others every day.

Ellis finishes her poem by writing, when your eulogy is being read with your life's actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you spend your dash? I, for one, intend to be proud of the things I did during my dash. Wow, I obviously got really emotional there reading that.

My mom told me when you read your senior speech, you're gonna cry. And I was like, there's really no shot. But I think it's so beautiful reading this back and reading the poem because when I think about who I was in high school, which I was telling my therapist I longed to be the person that I was in high school, and I talked about how I felt like college ruined me and it was a very hard time and I made a lot of big mistakes and my daughter was a huge quote-unquote mistake and surprise and I mean she's the biggest blessing that's ever happened to me in hindsight.

But when I think about the way that I've changed from the person that I was in college to the person I am now, I'm so proud. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I had this thought of reading my senior speech and reading this poem again after so many years when just two days ago I celebrated six months of sobriety and I should be done paying off my student loans this week, which was $50,000 of debt. And I'm so proud of the mother that I am and the sister that I am and the daughter that I am and I just am so proud of the legacy that I'm already leaving behind for my daughter and the person that I'm becoming and just being that best version of myself for her.

You know, I never understood when people would say, I have never been in love, and I lay my life down for my family, I lay my life down for my child, and that thought was kind of inconceivable for me, because as I said, I'm, in my speech, like I am terrified of dying. I cannot talk about it without really severely going into a major panic attack. And now that I have my baby, who I love so much, I like understand what true love is and I understand the importance of leaving behind a good legacy and just becoming the best a woman that I can be for her.

Wow, I can't believe I'm like actually like sobbing right now on this podcast. Yeah, wow, that was like a little form of therapy for me right there. That's all that I wanted to do today on this podcast.

This is going to be a really short episode and I really hope that you can maybe get a good takeaway from this poem and think about what do you want to do with your dash? Do your actions line up with those goals every day? Do your words line up with those goals every day?

Have you thought about what those goals are? I feel like a lot of us haven't. What do you want in your life?

Do you want to be a mom, a dad, a husband, a wife? Do you want to drink less, smoke less, learn to be in reality, learn to love yourself without needing those things? Do you want a good job?

Are you taking actions to have that good job, to make all that money? Are you paying off all your debt? Do you want to be financially free?

Do you want a house? How are you going to get those goals? Those are things that I think about constantly and every day, and I'm trying to make choices to lead myself towards my goals every day.

And this poem is an exact reminder of why. Because we only have so much time and we don't know how much time we have. So what are you gonna do with your time?

I wanna be able to do these different episodes that aren't just mom fails or lessons or dating, which I haven't even gotten to talk about those things yet, but I'm excited to talk about them. And I really hope that you enjoy the diversity of things that we're talking about here. So thank you guys so much for tuning in this week and I'm apologize that I cried but I needed it and it felt good. And yeah if you like what you heard please like and subscribe to this podcast. You could even rate me five stars if you want. That would be amazing. And you can follow me on Instagram at Lauren Kay 100 if you'd like to as well. Thank you guys for listening and I hope you enjoyed today's episode.