Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
18: Reflections & Transformative Lessons in Motherhood
What if the essence of motherhood lies not in the milestones we meticulously plan but in the unexpected lessons that shape us along the way?
As I reflect on a decade of motherhood, I invite you to join me in reliving that snowy day when I first held my daughter, realizing that motherhood is far more than a checklist—it’s a transformative journey filled with irony, growth, and profound love. Celebrating her 10th birthday, I share ten invaluable lessons that highlight the unpredictable nature of parenting, where trusting my instincts triumphs over the countless pieces of advice found online. Through moments of gratitude and grief, we explore how to cherish and be present in each fleeting stage of nurturing our children.
Love is patient, love is kind, and it's an extraordinary force that fills the heart of a mother. Drawing inspiration from scripture, I explore the parallels between divine love and the nurturing love mothers offer their children, enhancing our appreciation for this precious bond. Through passages like 1 Corinthians 13 and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, we uncover the immense privilege of channeling God's unwavering strength and grace in our parenting journey. Empowered by the assurance of an unbreakable connection to divine love, as promised in Romans 8:37-39, we celebrate the astonishing joy and growth that come from raising our little ones, continually fostering a deeper understanding of the infinite love that surrounds us.
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I remember it was snowing on the day that she was born, in fact, in an effort to speed up the labor process. I remember trudging through the snow around the hospital, hoping that my little darling would be ready to come sooner rather than later. And yet nothing prepares you for that moment, that moment when they place that tiny, scrunched up babe on your chest and you hold your child for the first time. I remember looking over at my husband, who had tears in his eyes, and saying how I am a mother and saying how I am a mother. You see, I approached pregnancy and motherhood like something on my to-do list. I know that's not great to admit. I know I wanted to have children someday and since I was edging towards 30, I figured, well, now is probably a good time to try for a baby. My husband was ready for fatherhood and was patiently waiting for me to decide that I was ready too. But truly, are you ever really ready for something like being a parent? I understood that it was unlikely that I would ever really feel ready, but still, I did all of the things that you normally do to prepare for your first child. You take the classes, you register for all the baby things that everyone tells you that you'll need, and you install the car seat before you leave for the hospital. But the truth is I was more or less following the steps. Don't get me wrong. I was thrilled to be expecting a baby and I was secretly ecstatic that the child I was carrying was a girl. I mean, the clothes are just so cute for baby girls, right? I prayed daily for this sweet one and I filled numerous journals with all of my hopes and dreams for her, and yet I truly didn't understand what it meant to be entrusted with a child. Not yet, at least. I didn't fully comprehend what it meant to be a mother. I just knew I was going to be one, and I was very happy. It was the moment of holding her in my arms instead of in my womb, feeling her little heartbeat against my chest. That was the moment my heart fully realized what unconditional love really means, and I knew to my core that I was a mother.
Leanne:Now that precious baby is turning 10 today, 10 years ago, my motherhood journey began. I know some would say that it started earlier, since I carried that baby for 41 weeks and a day, not that I was counting or anything. However, for me. It really didn't feel real until that special moment of holding her in my arms. Motherhood began the moment that sweet one took her first breath and I let the one I didn't even realize I had been holding go. Every year on her birthday, she likes me to tell her the story of her birth, and we flip through the pages of her baby book and look at all of the photos of my growing belly through all of the weeks and her photos at each of the monthly milestones, and I smile at the memories. Turns out, motherhood is the most amazing, wonderful, joy-filled mission and also the hardest, most difficult and heartbreaking endeavor I will ever have the privilege of experiencing. And while my motherhood journey has only been 10 years, I have learned so much in those 10 years. So in honor of my first born child's 10th birthday, I am sharing with you 10 lessons learned in 10 years of motherhood.
Leanne:Number one you were the very best parent before you actually had children. Once those precious ones make their appearance, suddenly all of those things you said you would or would never do go out the window. I remember promising I would never, ever allow my child to sleep in the same bed as me. I know that co-sleeping may work for some, but I was determined to not be one of them. And yet the second that darling baby cried I mean, she was probably like four hours old at this point I pulled her close to me and held her while she slept in my bed with me. Literally the one thing I said I would never do was like the first thing I did as a brand new parent. Oh the irony. Since then, I have learned that I will always be the best parent. Before I reach that next stage, once I'm standing in the middle of everything, all bets are off.
Leanne:Number two your mother intuition will always be better than what you just read on the internet. For every book you read or article you skim, there will be another book or article that says the exact opposite. In fact, there is more conflicting information on motherhood and raising children than pretty much any other topic. I've learned to put down the book and simply pray. James 1 5 says if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask a God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. Ask the one who gave you this child and your mothering instincts and trust that he will lead you in the right direction of what is best for your child, even if that path is countercultural or unpopular. What is best for your child is more important than the opinion of that stranger on the internet. Number three be all in where you are.
Leanne:The moment you have the current stage that you are in figured out, your child will hit a sleep regression or a growth spurt or some other milestone and you will be right back to square one trying to figure out and navigate this new stage. I remember thinking I was pretty awesome when I finally landed on a schedule that worked for my toddler. Our family was thriving, we had a solid rhythm going and then she decided to drop a nap. Ah, back to troubleshooting and figuring out a new rhythm. And then, the moment we got that new rhythm figured out, the ultrasound revealed that two babies would be joining us next. Seriously, I learned that the best thing you can do is to simply enjoy the season you are in right now.
Leanne:Number four gratitude and grief can coexist. Each stage of motherhood comes with joy and sorrow. The newborn stage is full of delights, like holding your precious baby, rocking her to sleep, smelling her little head, and it also comes with depression that can surface in that postpartum season, the toddler years, are so fun, as your child is learning so many new things and experiencing the world through her eyes is simply magical, but that season also comes with temper, tantrums and disobedience and throwing food across the dinner table. I have learned that with each stage there will be something wonderful and something really hard to work through. You will always be somewhere in between missing a part of the stage you just left and looking forward to something on the horizon, and that's okay, it is part of the journey. You can be grateful for where you are and where you are going and still grieve the part that you left behind.
Leanne:Number five their childhood is your motherhood. I am sure that there are countless lessons that can be learned through this phrase that you have likely seen or heard before. However, in my opinion, this simply means you get to play an active role in this hood Hood. In the sense of childhood or motherhood, it signifies a particular state of being or a period in your life. Childhood includes all of the experiences and characteristics of being a child, and motherhood encompasses the role, responsibilities and experiences of being a mom. These are intricately woven together for both the child and the mother, and it is such a transformative period of time in both of your lives. As your child grows and learns, so do you as the mother. The process of moving through the season of your life, through this season of your life, forever changes you, and you get the honor of making the most of it while nurturing your child through those years as well.
Leanne:Number six every child is unique. Just like you will never find two snowflakes exactly alike, you will never have two children exactly the same as the mother of twins, who could not be more different, I promise you. I am speaking the truth. Even when those children are raised in the same home, with the same parents, with the same rules and routines, each child is special in his or her own way. Your children each have a different personality. They have different needs and different ways of learning. The adventure of being a mother is learning the nuances about each of your children and loving them regardless of their quirks, and then helping those children see and understand how their differences are part of what makes them special as image bearers of God.
Leanne:Number seven for each child that you add to your family, you are a different version of mother. Your first child experienced the first time mom version of you, complete with all of the insecurities and uncertainties that come along with it, while your subsequent children each experience a more seasoned version of the same mom, the mom who doesn't panic at the sign of the first fever and feels perfectly comfortable leaving the house with just a diaper instead of the entire nursery. I remember when my daughter was small, I used to wash each piece of fruit that I gave her. I rinsed her pacifier if it fell on the floor. By the time my twin boys arrived, I was literally dumping the blueberries on the kitchen floor for them, since that's where they were going to end up anyway. Why bother dirtying another dish that they weren't even going to use? Same mom, different version. And yet, with each child, your ability to love expands right along with your growing family. You probably won't ever fully understand how this works, but you will know that with the birth of each of your children, your capacity for love grows.
Leanne:Number eight consistency matters. Even when you are still trying to figure out what works for your children and what rhythms work best in your home, your diligence and consistency will make all the difference for your children. Children thrive on consistent rules and routines. Yes, flexibility is important and giving your children. Clear expectations and boundaries gives them a sense of belonging and comfort. Number nine be a student of your child.
Leanne:Meaningful time spent with your children is how you get to know them better, and whichever child need you the most at the moment is the one who gets your attention for a period of time. For example, my daughter needs my full attention right when she gets home from school because she needs to unload all of the burdens that she's been carrying for the last six hours. So I listened to her while giving my boys a snack and I let her speak without interruption. It could take her five minutes or 30 minutes to share all of the things on her heart and mind. I simply need to be available to listen. One of my boys needs quiet downtime after school. As an introvert, he is done with being around people for a bit. However, he also craves physical touch people for a bit. However, he also craves physical touch. So I make a point to sit in a chair in the afternoon and he will inevitably crawl into my lap and read a book to me for 20 or so minutes. Finally, my other son loves to help me in the kitchen. He feels big and important when I ask for his help with chopping the veggies, and we spend the time companionably prepping dinner together, for however long that takes. Knowing the unique needs of each of my children helps me show up with excellence and be fully present, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. This means putting down the phone so that I can really pay attention and be in the moment with that child.
Leanne:And number 10, unconditional love, is the greatest gift you can give your child. I don't think I fully understood what unconditional love meant until I held that brand new baby girl Before she came along. Love had always been a choice. I chose to love my husband, my parents, my sister, my friends. I even chose to love Jesus as my Lord and Savior. But the moment that tiny baby was placed in my arms, I got it. Unconditional love means loving someone wholly and completely, without any limitations, conditions or expectations of receiving something in return. It's a form of love that remains constant regardless of circumstances, behaviors or changes in the relationship, very much the same way that our Heavenly Father loves us.
Leanne:One of the most famous passages in scripture, all about love, comes from 1 Corinthians 13, and it says Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others and it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Leanne:The love described in these verses perfectly relates to the love a mother has for her children, and we can be encouraged to know that our God understands what it means to be a parent. He entrusts us with these children so that we can begin to grasp His infinite love for us. He places these children in our lives to teach us lessons every day that sanctify us and bring us closer to Him, lessons of love, of truth, of humility, of patience and gentleness and of self-control. I have no doubt that these 10 lessons that I have learned in the last 10 years are only the beginning, and, while it is intimidating to be given these children to love and disciple, you and I are up for the task, because there are two things that we can know for sure.
Leanne:Second, corinthians, 12, 9 and 10 says this, but he said to me my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when I am weak then I am strong. And secondly, romans 8, 37 through 39 says no. In all these things we are more than conquerors, through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels or demons, neither the present or the future, or any powers, height or depth or anything else in all of creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, our Lord. What a gift it is to be loved so fiercely by the God of the universe and graciously be entrusted to extend that same love to his little children with excellence.