Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
27: Your First Love: Finding Your Identity In Christ
Discovering your identity in Christ creates a foundation that everything else builds upon. Just as I learned that ballet discipline transfers to other dance styles, I've found that knowing who you are in Christ creates the solid foundation needed for all relationships, including marriage.
The uncertainty of your twenties brings overwhelming questions about career, purpose, relationships, and God's will. When facing these crossroads, I discovered that drawing near to God reveals who I am in Him. This identity isn't tied to success, career, or relationship status—it's anchored in being a child of God, redeemed by Christ, and filled with the Holy Spirit. A "Christian's Birthright Card" my father gave me, filled with scriptural "I am" statements, became my anchor through difficult decisions.
Understanding Psalm 37:4 transformed my perspective on singleness. When we truly align with God, His desires become our desires. I visualize this as a triangle: when both potential partners pursue God at the apex, they naturally draw closer to each other. While waiting for God's timing, I focused on deepening my relationship with Him and developing my calling. This foundation of security in Christ—not in worldly validation—became precisely what attracted my husband. As a military officer, he needed someone whose strength came from something unchanging, especially during deployments. I boldly told him early in our relationship that he would always be my "second love" after Jesus—and after the initial shock, he recognized this was exactly what he needed in a wife. Whether God has marriage in your future or not, complete surrender to Him prepares you for whatever comes next. Your relationship with Jesus is a full and complete life—let Him be your number one and trust Him to choreograph your next steps.
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For as long as I can remember, I have loved to dance. So when I was three years old, my mother enrolled me in a ballet class and I absolutely adored every minute. I was terrible at it, but I loved it. I continued dancing even after we moved to a new state, and I quickly learned that ballet is foundational to so many other forms of dance. The technique and the discipline required to learn ballet transferred to many other types of dance and, honestly, other parts of life. By the time I started college, I had observed how much easier it was to turn in your legs for a jazz turn than it was for someone to turn out and complete a perfect pirouette. Knowing the basics of ballet gave me an edge that allowed for further training in many other forms of dance. I'm not saying that I was great with hip hop, but I could eventually figure it out. It was much harder for someone proficient in hip hop to learn ballet.
Leanne:The same concept that I'm sharing here can be applied to embracing singleness before marriage. Today's episode is inspired by you. I am always eager to hear your feedback and invite your thoughts on things you'd like to hear discussed on this podcast. One topic that you requested was on finding your wholeness in Christ before getting married. What a foundational concept to grasp and celebrate, and I am thrilled to step back in time, so to speak, and examine what life was like in my twenties so as to provide encouragement and inspiration for those of you listening who are perhaps in this season of life, or maybe you have a young adult child who would benefit from truth that can be gleaned in this episode. The best part is that this episode is also for you if you need to return to the basics of who you are in Christ. Whether you are single or married, or dating or divorced, knowing who you are in Christ is foundational to your Christian journey. Understanding your identity in Christ is the foundation for all relationships, including marriage.
Leanne:Life in your twenties is full of uncertainty and making really big decisions. I remember having a mini crisis, my senior year of high school, when it came down to making a decision on what college I would attend. I remember thinking well, what if I picked the wrong school? What if the man I'm supposed to marry goes to a different school and I never meet him? Honestly, I kind of chuckle when I think back to those very real fears and thoughts that I had, but the reality is is that at the time they felt like such big decisions and I was overwhelmed with what was the right thing to do. What do I major in? What do I want to do when I grow up? What is my calling and purpose? Where should I work? Where should I live? Who will I marry? Will I get married? How can I do everything with excellence for the glory of God? What even is my next step? I mean, it's no wonder that college kids need so much sleep. Right, that's a lot to think about and process.
Leanne:And here is the almost too simple truth that I wish I had really understood sooner. Simply lean into who God is. James 4, 8 says draw near to God and he will draw near to you. The foundational truth is that the more you study and understand who God is, the more you will know about who you are in Him and when you are sure of your identity in Christ, you are grounded in what is true and right and good and excellent. Your identity in Christ is not based on your attractiveness or your success or your career or even your status. Your identity in Christ is that you are a child of God born again, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb filled with the Holy Spirit, and you get to live every day by the truth of the Word of God. How comforting, right, how freeing.
Leanne:My dad gave me this little half sheet of paper before I left for college, and on it was written the Christian's birthright card. And then, below that title, were a bunch of I Am statements with scripture references for each one. I tucked this paper into my Bible and, honestly, I mostly forgot about it until, by the grace of God, it fell out of my Bible one day, and it was a day when I particularly was struggling with the heaviness of decisions and trying to figure out what was the right thing, the next right step for me. Here were some of the statements that really caught my attention. I am living in Christ's authority, which gives me power over the enemy Luke 10. I am not condemned, but declared fully forgiven and righteous in Christ Romans 8. I am secure in Christ's love for me. Also, romans 8. I am a new creation in Christ.
Leanne:1 Corinthians 5. I am a child of God who intimately and infinitely loves me. Galatians 4. I am God's workmanship Ephesians 2. I am one of God's living stones. 1 Peter 2. And I am fiercely loved by God. 1 John the whole book. It's all about love by God. 1 John the whole book. It's all about love.
Leanne:There were so many more on that half sheet of paper and yet reading these truths over and over again provided me with the basics that I needed in order to understand my identity in Christ. In the same way that a classically trained ballet dancer can learn the steps and the rhythm of a different form of dance, someone who knows who she is in Christ is able to navigate all of the different decisions and avenues that life may take her when she knows that foundation of who she is and who she belongs to. Really knowing and understanding who I am was the first building block that I needed in my 20s. From there, it became a little bit easier to make decisions based on my calling or my purpose. I felt more sure of the choices I made. I also believed and knew in my soul that even if I did choose something outside of God's design for me, I knew that God was faithful and sovereign and that he would steer me back toward the path he had for me.
Leanne:One verse that was like a balm to my soul during this season was Psalm 37, 4. And it says Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Now this verse gets taken out of context a ton. This verse doesn't mean that God will give you your desires. What it does mean is that when you align yourself with God, when you truly study and know who he is, when you truly trust him and lean on His wisdom and guidance, his desires become your desires, and that is an important distinction to make.
Leanne:When I finished college and I settled into my career, I felt that desire to be in a relationship with someone. I longed to be married. I wanted to be married, and yet I knew that I didn't just want to marry the first person who was willing, and I realized that continuing my pursuit of God was the best way to seek a man who was also following hard after God, a man who is also following hard after God. Two people who are faithfully seeking him while in pursuit of each other will draw closer to each other. Here's a visual that may help it make sense. So imagine this in your mind picture a triangle, if you are one point on the bottom right corner and the person who you are interested in is in the bottom left point of the triangle. So the line on the bottom is your mutual attraction to each other, perhaps. And then, if you place God at the top point, as you both pursue God first point, as you both pursue God first. So that means you're traveling up the sides of the triangle up to the God point, you end up closer to each other in that pursuit. Do you see that picture in your mind? You are farther apart if you are only moving on the corners, but as you move up towards God with your eyes focused on Him, you become closer to each other.
Leanne:So while I waited for someone who loved the Lord like I did, I found encouragement from scripture, and one verse that stuck out to me in this season was Habakkuk 2.3. I know this is kind of an obscure one, but listen. It says this vision is for a future time. It describes the end and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed Now. This verse is for sure not describing waiting for your future husband. That is not what it is about. However, from this verse I gleaned the truth that God's timing is always best. And if marriage is something that God had planned for me. It will come at exactly the right time and it will not be delayed.
Leanne:So what do you do in the meantime? Do you sit around and wait? You can deepen your relationship with God while continuing to develop your calling and to use your gifts to love and serve others well. You can build strong, christ-centered friendships while finding your security in Christ, not in someone else, but in Jesus. The greatest gift you can give your future spouse is a heart fully committed and devoted to God. It was in this season that I discovered my first love would always and forever be Jesus, and so long as I kept him in that number one spot, I wouldn't need any other relationship to complete me. And this, my dear friends, is exactly the quality that attracted my now husband to me. The fact that my security was so firmly rooted in Jesus gave me a confidence and an assurance that couldn't be found in any other worldly thing. This was the very quality that intrigued my husband when we were first dating.
Leanne:As an officer in the military, he knew that his future wife needed to be strong and secure. Apart from dependence on him, especially since he would likely be deployed and gone for long stretches of time. He was looking for someone who could be a helper and not a hindrance to the mission God was calling him to through the military. I had no way of knowing that I would one day marry a man in the military. When I was in my early 20s, I didn't know that my determination to seek God first would actually prepare me for a life as a military spouse. The only thing I knew for certain was that God is good and faithful and I can trust Him with everything.
Leanne:You may not know why you're going through various struggles or trials. You may have no idea what it is preparing you for in the future, but God knows, and when we trust Him, he leads us. Complete and total surrender to God is what prepares you for marriage. Whether God has planned for you to marry or he has called you to a life of singleness, your desire to wait on the Lord and fully trust Him is what is most important. My husband likes to tell the story of when I first told him that he would always be my second love. If you want to hear his take on it, you can listen to episode 21, and he shares his perspective of that conversation.
Leanne:We were on a date and I felt convicted to tell him this. It was important to me that he understood where he ranked in my heart and mind and after the initial shock of that statement wore off, I think he recognized this was exactly what he needed in a wife, someone who is firmly focused on loving Jesus, first and foremost, because God needs to be your number one. Your marriage is sweeter and more grounded when God's design and order is honored and valued, when you are both committed to pursuing Jesus with all your heart and soul and mind. Love God, then love others. This is a pattern that you can find repeated all through scripture, even in the 10 commandments. The first four commandments are all focused on God, and the second and the six after that are about how to honor and love others. Love God, then love others. That's our directive, and you don't need to be married to be complete. You do need a savior, you need a relationship with Jesus. You are, first and foremost the bride of Christ, first and foremost the bride of Christ. He is your first dance partner.
Leanne:To wrap up this episode, I felt that these verses from Colossians 3 really summed up what we've been discussing today. I thought about reading the passage from Ephesians 5, which is all about the role of a wife or husband within marriage, but this passage in Colossians 3, I think, aligns a little bit more with this. Embracing your singleness before marriage and really understanding who you are in Christ, whether God has plans for you to marry or to remain single, these are the basics that you can grow in as you wait on the Lord for His best for you. Here's what it says in Colossians 3. If, then, you have been raised with Christ, seek these things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth, for you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you will also appear with him in glory.
Leanne:Put to death, therefore, what is earthly in you sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desires and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Leanne:Passion, evil desires and covetousness, which is idolatry. And then, further on, in verse 12, it says put on, then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other. As the Lord has forgiven you. So you must also forgive and, above all else, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony, and let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you indeed were called in one body, and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thanksgiving in your hearts to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God, the Father. Through Him. Friend, I don't know if God has planned for you to be married. What I do know is that a relationship with Jesus is a full and complete life. Let him be your number one and trust him to lead you towards whatever comes next.