Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
34: Memorial Stones - Building Resilience in Kids During Life's Transitions
Remember that time when life suddenly shifted beneath your feet? Maybe it was a cross-country move, a new job, or an unexpected loss. Now imagine experiencing that as a child, without the emotional vocabulary or life experience to process it.
Transitions are inevitable in family life. As parents, we're entrusted not just with navigating these changes ourselves, but with guiding our children through them with grace and wisdom. Drawing from my experiences as a military spouse who moves every few years, I share how even well-prepared children struggle with change.
Children sense when change is coming, often resulting in behavioral challenges as they process confusing emotions. Rather than shielding them from these transitions, we can engage them in age-appropriate conversations that acknowledge their feelings while pointing to unchanging truths. When we had to change our daughter's school shortly after moving to California, including her in our discussions helped her not only accept the change but recognize God working through it. Her own words—"Mom, I think God is closing the door to this school"—reflected a spiritual maturity born from being invited into our family's discernment process.
Scripture offers powerful anchors during transitions. Hebrews 13:8 reminds us that "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever"—a comforting truth when everything else feels unfamiliar. The biblical stories of Abraham leaving everything behind and the Israelites setting up memorial stones after crossing the Jordan provide templates for faithful responses to change. By keeping a "journal of evidence" documenting God's faithfulness in previous transitions, we create tangible reminders our families can revisit during future changes.
How might you use your family's next transition as an opportunity for discipleship? Instead of simply saying "kids are resilient," consider how you can intentionally help them cultivate that resilience by modeling trust in God's unchanging character amidst life's inevitable changes.
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Transitions and change are a part of life. They are inevitable at some point in every family. Whether you are bringing home a new baby, moving to a new state, switching careers or walking through grief or loss, change is something you will have to deal with at one point or another in your lifetime, and it is very likely that you will be entrusted with helping your child navigate big changes too. Today I want to discuss and acknowledge the emotional weight of transitions, especially for kids, so that you, as the parent, can have biblically grounded, emotionally attuned conversations with your children. As a military family, we experience major periods of transition every couple of years, and yet, even with the frequency of these changes, it's still hard and requires some thoughtful conversations with our children. The first time we moved to a new place with our daughter, she was about two and a half years old. The only home she had ever known was a charming flat in the heart of a little village not too far from Stuttgart, germany. As movers descended upon our home and started packing up her things, we talked to our toddler about moving and that we would have a new house in Virginia. We showed her pictures of the house that we would move to and where it was on a map. We showed her the flight path of our airplane and we talked up her new room and the big girl bed that she would get in her new house. We kept the conversation positive and lighthearted and tried our best to keep our own stress and anxious feelings away from her. A few weeks following our move, after picking her up from her Sunday school class at our new neighborhood church, she loudly exclaimed that she was ready to go home, and she didn't mean the White House that we now lived in, but home. She meant the home that she had known in Germany. Change is a hard concept for children. It feels a bit abstract until they are right smack in the middle of the change, and it isn't always a pleasant feeling. I mean, if we as adults struggle with change, imagine how it feels for a child. This is often why you might see more extreme behavior issues. Right before a major transition or a change, your child senses something is coming and they're trying to sort through a myriad of feelings and emotions that don't make a lot of sense at the moment.
Leanne:A truth that you can share with your children, no matter how young or old that they may be, is found in Hebrews 13.8, which says Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. This verse serves as an anchor in times of change. The truth is that, while our circumstances may change, god never does. There is comfort in knowing that God is constant, even when nothing else makes sense or feels familiar, and rooting your child in this truth is a way to help them secure their identity, and the only one who will never change. When faced with change, it is important to be honest and engage with your children in age appropriate, hopeful conversations, talk with them and explain the move or change at their developmental level. I think sometimes, as parents, we think that we will protect them from it and we won't tell them everything about it, and to some degree that's true. It needs to be age appropriate and you don't want to burden them with your stress or worries, but I think including them in the conversation is also really important.
Leanne:After moving to California from Japan, we struggled to find the right school for our children. It was the first move with school-age kids and this added a whole new dimension and complication to our frequent moves. We settled on a nearby charter school for our kids and we prayed for a good school year. Well, it became clear after a couple of months that this school was not as wonderful as we had hoped, especially for our daughter, who was in third grade at the time. There were some concerns with behaviors of students in the class and disruptions to the learning environment and, unfortunately, even after speaking to the learning environment and unfortunately, even after speaking to the administration, there wasn't a lot of things done about it. And so, after much deliberation and prayer, my husband and I decided to remove our daughter from that school and enroll her in another one. It was honestly really hard to look her in the eyes and tell her that this school wasn't a good fit. She was devastated to have to leave friends she had just made and start all over again so soon. And yet, because we had included her in the conversations from the beginning about some of our concerns, she accepted that this decision was for the best. She knew that, even though it was hard, god was working in our midst.
Leanne:Ecclesiastes 3.1 says there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun, and I personally struggled with mom guilt during this season. I felt like I had failed my daughter by not choosing a good school for her. And yet the entire process ended up blessing us all because of the lessons God allowed us to learn in that season. We were honest with our daughter from the beginning about our concerns. She voiced her concerns too. We gave space for her to be able to share what was on her heart and mind. We prayed together as a family for God's direction and asked her for her input too. Ultimately, she knew that mom and dad would make the final decision, but by including her in our conversation, she was invited to see how God was working too, and it was actually her own words that sealed the deal for our decision. After a particularly hard day, she came home and said Mom, I think God is closing the door to this school. Your kids will pick up on your feelings and emotions. If I had remained stuck in my feelings of guilt and worry, my daughter would have done the same. But since we decided to trust God to point us in the right direction, that is what she did too.
Leanne:Proverbs 3, 5, and 6 says Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways, submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Invite your kids along on the journey of transition or change. Let them share how they are feeling about it. Make a point to listen, to understand and not respond or defend. Share stories of others who have been through a similar change or transition. Help them see that they are not alone. Maybe your child needs to hear your honest feelings too and how you are laying those at the feet of Jesus. It is also healthy and good to help them grieve what they are leaving behind and then celebrate the new that is coming. There's no need to rush through feelings during seasons of change. Perhaps it's better to lean into those feelings and walk through them little by little together. You can encourage writing down or drawing pictures of these feelings and then surrendering them over to God.
Leanne:In Genesis 12, we have a great example of Abraham, who is given the direction from God to go. He was told to leave everything behind and go to a place God was preparing for him. He didn't know where he was going or even when he would get there. He simply needed to trust that God had the plan and that his plan was for Abraham's good. This story is a perfect reminder that transitions and change often require obedience and stepping into the unknown. This can be scary, but it is also an opportunity to experience God's faithfulness in action.
Leanne:I actually keep a journal of evidence of God's faithfulness. It's a journal full of all these little things that God has done over the years to remind me that he cares about even the tiniest details. Anytime I feel worried or anxious, especially about upcoming moves or changes, I can flip through this journal and remember that God is good and faithful. And now I get to share these with my children. I invite them to add their own reminders to the journal as well. Moving and changes are opportunities for discipleship. We can lean into these moments and get a glimpse of how God is forming resilient, trusting hearts in our children, hearts that seek Him in the midst of change. We like to say that, oh, kids are so resilient, they'll be fine. But I really think that it takes intentionality to help them cultivate that resilience. It doesn't just come naturally, and by being intentional with that you can really help them trust God through that process.
Leanne:To close today I want to read a couple of verses from Joshua 4. These verses signify an important moment for the Israelites. They were finally entering the promised land that God had promised to Abraham all those years ago, when he had said go. And now God was directing them to set up memorial stones as a reminder of his faithfulness and keeping his promise. Meditate on these verses this week as you consider the ways in which you can shepherd your children during seasons of change.
Leanne:Joshua 4, verses 5-7. Go over before the ark of the Lord, your God, into the middle of the Jordan River. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you In the future, when your children ask you what do these stones mean? Tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord and that these stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever. Something for you to ponder this week how can I model and invite my children into trusting God in the midst of change or transition?