Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
38: 13 Years, 13 Lessons - A Marriage Journey Through Scripture
The beauty of marriage often lies in the ordinary moments—the regular Tuesdays that make up a lifetime together. Thirteen years ago, my husband and I chose to get married on a Tuesday, a detail that perfectly captures the essence of what marriage truly is: not just a special occasion, but the beginning of countless ordinary days spent united as one.
Marriage isn't the perfect 50-50 split we often imagine. Sometimes one person carries more weight while the other struggles. There's no scoreboard in a healthy marriage—just two people committed to showing up completely for each other through every season. Your spouse brings incredible value to your life, but they were never meant to be your savior. Only Jesus can fill that role perfectly, allowing you to love your partner freely without impossible expectations.
The magic often happens in small moments—a note of encouragement tucked in a lunch bag, holding hands during difficult conversations, or celebrating your unique differences rather than trying to change each other. Cold hands meet warm ones. Type-A meets Type-B. Extrovert meets introvert. These complementary differences create a beautiful harmony when embraced rather than resisted. Through thirteen years of military moves, parenting challenges, grief, celebrations, and everything in between, we've discovered that prayer remains our greatest tool and forgiveness our most necessary practice.
Looking to strengthen your marriage? Consider implementing regular check-ins, prioritizing date nights, serving one another daily, and remembering that above all, love covers a multitude of mistakes. Marriage brings together two imperfect people making many missteps, and yet love carries us through when we choose it deliberately every day. What might it look like for you to love your spouse earnestly this week?
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We got married on a Tuesday and I have always loved this little detail, partly for its randomness and also for the symbolism that it brings to mind. When you get engaged, you feel all the feels excitement, joy, overflowing love and then you start planning the wedding and it is so easy to get pulled into the nitty-gritty of seating, charts and venues and flowers and menus. It doesn't take much to lose sight of the fact that your wedding is just one day and your marriage is for a lifetime. So I loved that we got married on a Tuesday, just a regular day of the week, simply a day to mark the beginning of all of the days that we get to spend united as one. And this week my husband and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage and while I have so much to learn and a lifetime to go, I thought it would be fun to pause and share 13 things I've learned in 13 years of marriage. Sound good? All right, let's give it a try. So the first first thing, number one marriage isn't 50, 50. Philippians two, 3-4, says.
Leanne:One of the hard parts of marriage is remembering that there isn't a scoreboard and you are on the same team. There isn't a scoreboard and you are on the same team. The reality is that there will be seasons when one of you will need to step in and do more for the other person. Perhaps your spouse is sick or overwhelmed with work deadlines or deployed overseas. It is during these seasons that you have the opportunity to love unconditionally. Marriage isn't about dividing everything up 50-50. It is about showing up for your person 100 times out of 100, loving him 100% of the time. Marriage isn't meeting each other halfway, but it is going the distance for him and with him, but it is going the distance for him and with him.
Leanne:Number two your spouse isn't your savior. Psalm 62.1 says truly my soul finds rest in God. My salvation comes from him. I have shared this story before about when I told my husband that he would always be my number two, and then he has even shared his reaction about when I said that to him. And yet the message bears repeating. Your spouse can't be your savior. Only Jesus can perfectly fill that role, and to put your spouse in that position is simply not fair to him or to you. Your spouse is absolutely going to disappoint you and fall short of your expectations. Your spouse is going to hurt your feelings and let you down. Only Jesus is capable of loving you so completely and wholly and perfectly. Jesus is the only one who can save you. So put your trust in him and then love your spouse freely, knowing your savior is Jesus. Number three small things are big things. First, john 3.18 says Dear children, let us not love with words or speech, but with actions.
Leanne:And in truth, a year after we got married, chris and I moved to Rhode Island and it was our first move together and my first move as a military wife and like many military spouses have experienced, I was struggling to find work. My teaching credential was taking longer to process and so I decided to be a substitute teacher. My first job in a role as a substitute teacher was at a high school and as a math teacher, and I was terrified, up to that point, of my teaching experience. I had worked with elementary kids and multiple subjects. High schoolers were intimidating. I remember getting through the first couple of periods of that day and then sitting down to eat my lunch, and then I discovered a note in my lunch bag. My husband had left me a note of encouragement and told me that he was so proud of me for going out of my comfort zone and doing hard things. That little note meant the world to me and 12 years later I still have it. Your seemingly small gestures and words of encouragement are huge. You may never fully know the impact that those texts or those sweet little treats or moments of tenderness truly have on your spouse. Don't dismiss the small things. They add up to big things.
Leanne:Number four arguments and disagreements are valuable. Ephesians 4, 26 says in your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Our pre-marriage counselor told us that couples usually fight about one of three things family, money or sex, and I'm pretty sure he was correct. And yet the arguments or disagreements that you and your spouse have are valuable, as they help you better understand and communicate with each other. Whether it's unmet expectations or unresolved anger, these arguments inform what underlying issue needs to be addressed, and taking the time to sort through the feelings and the facts and then find the root of the problem. All of that is worth it. The strength of your marriage is tested in these moments, but it is also restored and redeemed. Number five celebrate your differences.
Leanne:First, corinthians 12, eight through 10 is a section of verses that talks about all the different types of spiritual gifts. I'm going to read them for you here. To one, there is given, through the spirit, a message of wisdom, and to another a message of knowledge. To another, faith by the same spirit, and to another gifts of healing. To another, miraculous powers, and to another prophecy to another distinguishing between spirits, and to another speaking in different types of tongues. And to still prophecy to another distinguishing between spirits, and to another speaking in different types of tongues, and to still another, the interpretation of tongues. My hands are always cold, his are always hot. I'm an extrovert, he is an introvert, I cannot tell which direction is North, and he seems to have a built in compass. I have a plan for everything and he just kind of rolls with it. I'm definitely type a and he is, for sure, type B, and yet it is our differences that complement our relationship. The areas where I struggle, he succeeds. The strengths that I possess help, support and encourage Him, much like the body of Christ that is referenced in those verses in Corinthians, each of those different spiritual gifts work together to create a community. And each of those gifts, each person, has a different gift, but they compliment one another and they come together to create this beautiful example of the church. Instead of trying to change each other, look for ways to celebrate your differences and praise God for his sovereignty in bringing two very different people together in such a beautiful way.
Leanne:Number six forgiveness is necessary. Colossians 3.13 says bear with each other and forgive one another. If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord forgave you. We have this wooden sign above our bed that says always kiss me goodnight. It is hard to kiss someone when you are mad at them or if there are unresolved issues. While the Bible gives many examples of why it is best to forgive, I think the most practical reason to forgive one another is to avoid harboring resentment and bitterness. Nothing crushes a marriage faster than bitterness. It takes courage to forgive and it takes courage to lay your feelings down and willingly work through the conflict. Choose to be courageous and to do the hard work of forgiving each other.
Leanne:Number seven date nights and laughter matter. Romans 12 10 says be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. When you are dating, or even in the beginning stages of marriage, love and laughter flow freely, and then you are sleep deprived, maybe with babies or work. Maybe you're in the trenches with toddlers or up late trying to finish projects. Life has a way of getting in the way of quality time spent together. Choose to be intentional. Pick one day a month or even set aside one night per week to simply enjoy spending time together.
Leanne:Number eight intimacy is more than physical. Genesis 2 24 says that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh. Deep connection with your spouse goes beyond romance. Yes, sex is important for a healthy marriage to flourish and thrive, but regular conversation and check-ins are also necessary for intimacy to grow. A while ago I invited my friend Tori Tippins on the show to talk about the marriage meetings that she has with her husband once a month. At first glance these meetings might seem sort of silly and awkward, and yet creating space to talk about things that are working in your marriage and then honestly discussing the things that aren't working actually leads to more intimacy. I remember during our conversation before we started recording that episode, she said if you want better and more frequent sex with your spouse, then you need marriage meetings, and I think she's correct.
Leanne:Number nine it's okay to ask for help. Ephesians 4, 2 through 3 says be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. My favorite thing about being in a community group or a life group with other like-minded couples is that you get to do life together, and this includes praying together. When you or your spouse are going through something challenging, it's okay to invite other trusted people into your circle to help you and pray for you, and sometimes it is even appropriate to seek out a marriage counselor. This requires humility and patience, but it's worth it to get the hidden things out into the light so that the darkness loses its power and your marriage is worth the effort.
Leanne:Number 10, prayer is your greatest tool. Ecclesiastes 4.12 says though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Anytime my husband and I are feeling stretched or stressed or even distant from each other, it is usually because we haven't been praying together. I pray for him every day and I know that he's praying for me too, and yet there is unmistakable power when we pray together. Never underestimate the power of holding hands and praying together and inviting God into the center of your marriage and realigning your marriage with Christ in the center. That's the three cords that are not quickly broken. That's what you're looking for, you, your spouse and God.
Leanne:Number 11, we're growing together. Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 10 says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. Every once in a while, a picture will pop up in our social media memories and we will look at it and exclaim oh, my goodness, we were such babies. Have you ever done that? And it's true. We have been through so much in 13 years of marriage. We have navigated overseas moves, we've added three children to our family, we have worked through seasons of loss and grief, we have celebrated promotions and great achievements, and through all of these seasons we have grown closer. We are not the same people we were when we first met, and that's okay, because we get to experience all of these hills and valleys together. We are growing together.
Leanne:Number 12, serve one another daily. Galatians 5.13 says you, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh. Rather serve one another humbly in love. This sort of circles back to where we started. Marriage is about laying down your life for one another, putting your own selfish desires behind the needs and wants of your spouse. And when you are both committed to serving each other, you find more than you could ever hope for on your own. The kindness of one often spurs on the kindness of the other. So keep showing up to love and serve every day. And number 13, love is a choice every day. And number 13, love is a choice every day. First Corinthians 13, seven says love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Leanne:I couldn't let this whole episode go without bringing to mind this passage of scripture on love, one of the most quoted scriptures. And the Bible tells us that, out of faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love. When you choose to love God first and then love your spouse, you are choosing to live in God's design for marriage. Draw closer to God every day, and you will find yourself drawing closer to your spouse too.
Leanne:To close this episode, I will leave you with one more verse to meditate on this week 1 Peter 4, 8. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. This verse paints a realistic and grace-filled picture of marriage. Marriage includes two sinful people making many mistakes, and yet love is what carries us through. Love God, love others. This is what we get to do every day, whether you've been married a few months, many years, or you're waiting on God's timing. My prayer is that you're reminded of the beauty, challenge and holiness of marriage. May we be people who honor, forgive, serve and love well, not in our own strength, but through the love God has poured into us. And something for you to ponder what would it look like for you to love your spouse earnestly this week?