Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
39: When It's Time for "The Talk" - A Faith-Based Guide for Parents
Every parent faces that moment of dread – when it's time to have "the talk" with their children. The questions flood in: When should we have it? Who should lead the conversation? What exactly should we say? Most importantly, how do we frame these discussions within God's design?
This episode breaks down this challenging parental responsibility using simple who, when, where, what, why, and how questions to create a practical framework for success. Starting with the foundational truth that God created sex as something good and beautiful within marriage, we explore how to communicate this life-giving message to children of various ages. Rather than treating sex education as a one-time awkward conversation, we discuss the importance of ongoing dialogue that evolves as children grow – from teaching proper anatomical terms to preschoolers to addressing dating and relationships with teenagers.
The reality is sobering: most children are exposed to information about sex by age eight, often from sources that contradict biblical values. By proactively engaging your children in these conversations, you position yourself as their trusted source of truth. Even if you feel inadequate or have regrets about your own past, God's grace covers all, and His Spirit helps in our weakness. Excellent resources like the "God's Design for Sex" series can support your efforts. Remember Psalm 119:9 as you navigate these waters: "How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." What legacy will you build regarding how your children understand God's design for their bodies and identity in Christ?
Related Resources:
God's Design for Sex by Stan & Brenna Jones
How & When to Tell Your Kids About Sex by Stan & Brenna Jones
A Child's First Book About Marriage
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I'm pretty sure every parent dreads the day when they need to sit down and have the talk with their children. It feels awkward and weird and we worry about what we will even say. And then there are a whole host of other questions that flood our minds, questions like when should we have the talk? Who should be the one to have the conversation? Where do you have this talk? What do you say? Why do we need to talk about this? What if they have questions that you don't even know how to answer? Whether you have already had this talk with your children or your kids are still in diapers and you haven't even thought about this yet, knowing when and what and why and how is really helpful when it comes to talking to your kids about sex. Today I'm going to break the talk down for you so that you can feel more empowered and equipped to have this important conversation with your children when the opportunity presents itself. I'm going to use the reporter's questions as a framework for this episode by covering the who, when, where, what, why, how of all of the basic elements of this topic. And remember, it's only awkward if you make it awkward, so let's do our best to not make this weird. Our first question to address on this topic is who? Who should have the talk with your child. While there are sex education programs available in schools, I believe ultimately it is your responsibility as the parent to have this conversation with your child, and I would even take it a step further and suggest that it is really up to the primary caregiver to initiate the conversation. Traditionally, that means mom, but in your home it could be dad or mom. I say this because you are the one that they will likely come to first with follow-up questions, as you are more readily present. The beautiful part of this is that children tend to come back to the first person who they heard about it from. They trust you, especially when you are open and honest with them, and so they keep coming back to you with questions and, truthfully, I want to be the first person they hear about it from. I want to be the person my kids come to with questions about sex. I'd rather they ask me than turn to their peer who heard something about it from his or her older sibling. Now, if my sons have questions that I know that their dad can answer better, then I will absolutely suggest that they go ask their dad. But as far as the initial conversation about sex is concerned, that is going to be my job as their mother, the primary caregiver. The sooner you accept this role and kind of wrap your mind around it, the better and less awkward it will be. So now let's talk about the what.
Leanne:With a biblical worldview in mind, it is important to note that God designed sex and it was good. Genesis 1, 27 and 28 says so. God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God. He created them, male and female. He created them. God blessed them and said to them Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it, rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground. God created sex for intimacy between a husband and a wife and for procreation of children.
Leanne:The concept of two becoming one is also a picture of Christ and his church. The apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5, 31 and 32, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, and I am talking about Christ and the church. So sex is good and beautiful and part of God's design for marriage and families, and it's important that we start there. And yet sin distorts what is beautiful and good. Because of sin, sex has been corrupted with shame, secrecy and self-gratification. The world has twisted what God created to be good, and this is not something new. Romans 1 and 1 Corinthians 6 describe the sexual depravity of mankind as the focus has shifted from what brings God glory to worshiping the self and what feels good in the moment. As parents, we get the opportunity to talk to our children about sex without shame, when it is rooted in God's truth and grace. With redemption through Christ and the work of the gospel, we can reframe the conversation from one of fear to that of freedom. We can address the beauty and the goodness of sex as part of God's design.
Leanne:Now the next question that is most likely circling around in your brain is when? When should you have this talk with your children? I think first, it is important to know that this is not a one and done conversation, more or less. You are opening the door with your initial conversation, the door with your initial conversation. For sure, expect to have many talks throughout the years with your children as they grow and mature, and it is important to note that, first and foremost, this is something that requires prayer. When you talk about sex with your children, it needs to be covered in prayer. Let the Lord prompt you and lead you in the timing that is best for your children. You also want to be on the same page as your spouse. Be sure that you have discussed this together before you bring it up with your children. Let your spouse be prepared for possible questions. No one wants to be blindsided by seemingly random questions about sex, so make sure you both are on the same page and aware that this conversation is happening soon. That said, I do think the earlier you can begin this conversation the better.
Leanne:The unfortunate reality is that kids are hearing about sex at younger and younger ages and, like we already discussed, you want to be the first person your child hears about sex from. So, in my humble opinion, I suggest having this conversation sometime between first and second grade, or around seven or eight years old. Statistics show that most children will have heard about sex or seen something sex related by the age of eight. So take that into consideration as you prayerfully navigate when to have the talk. When I had this conversation with my oldest child, I prefaced by saying that this was something she was going to hear a lot about for the rest of her life, and a lot of what she was going to hear would be conflicting and confusing. But I told her that God is a God of order and not confusion. So if she heard anything that she didn't understand, I encouraged her to come to me and together we would look at scripture and then find the truth together. This helped to encourage the ongoing conversation, nature of the talk, and when you choose to have this talk, be calm, confident and open.
Leanne:Remember God's design, for sex isn't shameful. This is an opportunity for you to come alongside your child and disciple them in accordance with God's design for sex, which is beautiful and good. So now, where do you have this talk and perhaps, more specifically, what are the age-appropriate conversations that you can have? Simply put, I recommend having this conversation where you feel most comfortable. Your child will always be thrilled to get time with you, so choose where you feel most at ease. Honestly, at home is usually a good place, as your home is a place of safety, and I do think that your child will equate truth and honesty with where you have these conversations Somewhere between three and five years old.
Leanne:You can start introducing the topic by teaching your child proper names for body parts and that God made our bodies good, as well as basic boundaries and the concept of privacy. You can also talk about God's design for families. This might come up with books that you read or just in passing conversation. Then, around seven to nine, as I mentioned earlier, you would introduce a more complete picture of sex from a God-glorifying perspective. I suggest having the conversation one-on-one. If there are younger siblings about, perhaps choose a time when those children aren't present or your spouse has them otherwise occupied. The private nature of the conversation makes it more special and signifies the importance of this talk. Then take the time to explain reproduction and puberty, what makes sex sacred and special, and build trust for ongoing questions. Depending on your child, you might address pornography and social media influences around this age too.
Leanne:And then, around 12 years old and beyond, you can engage in conversations about dating, temptation, purity and repentance. You can talk about emotional connection. Consent, boundaries, emphasize grace over guilt, especially if kids have seen or done things that they regret. This is true for you as well. If you have regrets about past choices, it is important to have open dialogue about cultural messages versus biblical truth throughout the preteen and teen years. Which brings us to the next question to consider why.
Leanne:Why do we need to have all these conversations? Wouldn't it be easier to just have one talk and then be done with it? Sure, that would be easier, but it is literally our job as parents. God has entrusted us with these precious children and it is our honor and privilege to disciple them in wisdom and truth. And discipleship is not easy. It takes time and energy. It means staying up later to help a teen process her feelings and emotions about dating. It means being uncomfortable with the questions that your children ask about sex and it means learning how to keep your face neutral and non-reactive when they ask you something way out there and possibly wildly inappropriate. But again, remember that your child is going to ask someone these questions. Wouldn't you rather they ask you? I for one, would definitely prefer my child ask me the craziest questions so that we can find answers together.
Leanne:It is my desire for my children to know that they will hear truth with love when they ask me questions about sex. And at the end of the day, we can always pray for wisdom. And if you are someone who feels ill-equipped for these conversations because of your own fears or insecurities, please remember that there is grace and humility and repentance available for you too, even if your child already knows too much, even if you didn't model God's design for sex in your own past, or even if you feel like you will say all the wrong things. God is bigger than all of these fears and worries and he stands in the gap for us. He multiplies our efforts. Romans 8, 26 says in the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us. Not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us. And then in Romans 8, 28, it says and we know that in all things, god works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. We have been called to disciple our kids and to talk to them about God's design for sex. You can confidently move forward in grace, knowing God is with you.
Leanne:The last question that I want to address is how and this might be my favorite part of this whole episode I am someone who loves a good plan or curriculum to help me navigate things that are less comfy, let's say so I would love to leave you with a couple of resources that will absolutely help you as you engage in these conversations with your kids. First, I highly recommend the God's Design for Sex series by Stan and Brenna Jones. I will link this in the show notes so you can find the resource there. There's also a companion book that they wrote called how and when to Tell your Kids About Sex, and this resource will go into so much more detail that I could ever cover here and will likely give you the confidence that you need to have these conversations with your kids. For younger children, I recommend God Made All of Me and A Child's First Book About Marriage. Both of these are also linked in the show notes and they are fantastic resources for just kind of sprinkling this conversation in before you really have that talk. I also recommend Good Pictures Bad Pictures by Kristen A Jensen.
Leanne:It's an unfortunate reality that we need to discuss pornography with our children, but it is even more terrifying to avoid the subject and miss out on an opportunity to educate and prepare your children, especially with the prevalence of technology in our world today and again, particularly boys, but really all kids. The statistics say that they are exposed to pornography anywhere between eight and 10 for the first time. So, again, it is so important to have those conversations before that, to prepare them and educate them. This is a sensitive topic to cover and I am thankful that you have made it to the end of this episode. I hope that you feel encouraged and perhaps even inspired to have the talk this summer.
Leanne:It's never too late or too early to begin these conversations. Remember that God will equip you and give you the words to say Lean into his direction. To close this episode, I would like to leave you with a verse to meditate on this week. Psalm 119.9 says how can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it. According to your word, this verse speaks directly to purity, guidance and the foundational role of scripture in both your life and in the life of your child, and it encourages both you and your children to seek God's truth as the standard. Something for you to ponder. What kind of legacy am I building when it comes to how my children understand God's design for sex, their bodies and their identity in Christ?