Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
40: When You Feel Triggered - Parenting with Grace
Summer should be magical—carefree days with happy children, beachside memories, and starlit evenings. But halfway through summer, most of us are facing a different reality: sibling squabbles, constant noise, mounting messes, and our own fraying patience. That gap between expectation and reality is where our emotional triggers live.
When you're ready to scream if you have to break up one more fight or clean one more mess, you're experiencing triggers—emotional reactions to stressors that reveal what's truly filling our hearts. The beautiful truth is that these challenging moments aren't failures but invitations to grow in grace and connection with both God and our children.
Scripture offers us powerful guidance for managing our triggers. While we tend to focus on behaviors and Instagram-worthy moments, God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). He calls us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19-20). Yet these responses don't come naturally—they overflow from hearts that are regularly filled with God's truth and grace.
Practical strategies can help us navigate common summer triggers. Establish daily quiet time for everyone (even mom), practice and reward peacemaking behaviors, and hold summer plans loosely, recognizing God might have different—and often better—purposes. Remember, God's grace meets us in our weakest parenting moments, and His power is perfected in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
The next time you feel triggered by summer chaos, pause, pray, and choose grace—for your children and yourself. What trigger have you noticed lately, and how might God be inviting you to respond differently? Summer's challenges aren't just obstacles to endure but opportunities to experience God's patience, wisdom, and joy as you seek Him first.
Recommended Reading:
Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake
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Oh, the joys of summer Kids happily playing in the backyard while you read a book from a comfortable chair, long, lazy vacations by the ocean, barbecue, chicken and s'mores by the fire, and staying up late to watch movies outside under the stars Sounds idyllic. Right, that's because it is. And for sure not reality, at least not in my house. And for sure not reality, at least not in my house. Summer is full of joy, but also full of emotional landmines for parents and children, whether it's because of the lack of structure so much more time together or the higher expectations for fun. There is often more mess and conflict during the summer. That can expose triggers for both you and for your children. Today, we're going to look at how to face these triggers with grace.
Speaker 1:Earlier this summer, I was explaining our summer schedule to my kids and getting them all pumped up for the fun that I had planned for them. After I'd finished going over everything with them, my daughter spoke up and said mom, this all sounds great, but also, what about when we start to lose focus and our mornings don't go this well? The first few weeks are always really good, but what happens when it stops working? I'm telling you what this girl she knows how to keep me humble, and she was totally right. We often start out the summer with great plans, awesome adventures, all these good ideas, and now we're at the halfway point. How are all those plans going? Let's be honest You're probably burnt out. I know I am. If you have to break up one more sibling fight, you might scream, but you still have another month of summer break. So instead of giving up and handing everyone a screen, let's rally and address the issues of triggers head on.
Speaker 1:Last summer, I was feeling the fatigue of constant conflict resolution opportunities and I stumbled upon the book Triggers by Amber Leah and Wendy Speak. Today's episode is inspired by this book and what I gleaned from reading and rereading their wise words. First, what are triggers? You've probably heard this word, especially in our current cultural climate. For the purpose of this episode, triggers are defined as emotional reactions to stressors, both internal or external. Some common triggers that you and your children might encounter over the summer are things like noise and constant togetherness, messes and lack of alone time, kid boredom, screen time, battles, sibling conflicts and unrealistic expectations for perfect summer memories. Each of these issues and more are covered in this book, and I have linked to the book Triggers in the show notes at the end of this episode. I was especially convicted by the chapters on whining and complaining, overstimulation, roughhousing and feelings of guilt. And yet the thing that stood out to me the most from this book was remembering that, as the adult, it is up to me to set the example for my children, especially when it comes to handling my emotional responses to these triggers. How can I expect my children to overcome their own triggers if I am constantly demonstrating the opposite?
Speaker 1:The best place for you and I to go when we are feeling overwhelmed and triggered is the word of God. In fact, if you have drifted away from spending time reading your Bible for whatever reason, consider this your gentle reminder to get back into the habit, for whatever reason. Consider this your gentle reminder to get back into the habit. It's not a magic formula, but it does realign your heart to God's, and that's what you really need when you are feeling emotionally burnt out. First, samuel, 16, seven, reminds us that the Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearances, but the Lord looks at the heart. God cares about our hearts and the hearts of our children, not just their behavior. And he's not looking at your Instagram profile with all of the pretty pictures of all of your fun summers. He's looking at the hearts, and the heart of your children.
Speaker 1:As parents, we tend to get caught up with behaviors we see and then we feel frustrated when our children don't act the right way. But by realigning our hearts and minds with God's way, we begin to understand the importance of the heart first and foremost. We begin to understand the importance of the heart first and foremost. James 1, 19 through 20 says my dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. From these verses we see what our emotional responses should be, but apart from God, it's impossible, which is why it is vital that we submerse ourselves in scripture, since, as it says in Luke 6, 45, a good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of his heart.
Speaker 1:When I am not making it a priority to read my Bible or listen to worship or spend a few moments covering our day in prayer. My heart does not typically overflow with goodness. I am quick to lose patience, get angry and frustrated with little things, but when I come back to the word, day after day, I find the strength that can only come from Jesus to be patient and self-controlled. Again, it's not a magic formula for parenting success, but truth and grace can be found in the pages of scripture, and that's where I want to start every day, always. Galatians 5, 22 and 23 says but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. This fruit can only be produced when I rely on the Holy Spirit instead of on my own strength. I am not naturally patient or gentle or self-controlled, and I certainly cannot expect my children to produce this fruit on their own either. Instead, you and I can show them that surrendering our will to God on a daily basis is the only way to see this fruit in our lives.
Speaker 1:So, again, managing your emotional responses to triggers begins with you, and if you are feeling guilty or perhaps even defeated because of angry outbursts that have occurred already this summer, here is the beautiful truth that you can cling to from 2 Corinthians 12 9. But he said to me my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will boast most gladly all the more about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may reside in me. God's grace meets us in our weakest parenting moments. He stands in the gap for us and it is his strength that carries us through the struggle. So, with these truths and reminders fresh in our hearts and minds, let's discuss some practical and redemptive responses that we can have with some of these common summer triggers, when the noise and the chaos threatens to bring out feelings of anger or withdrawal.
Speaker 1:Remember that even Jesus sought out quiet time with his Father. Mark 1, 35 says Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he got up, went out and made his way to a deserted place and there he was praying. Make it a priority to establish quiet time boundaries In our home. We have a room time reset every afternoon after lunch. This is time when everyone goes to their rooms to either rest or play quietly or listen to an audio book. This also gives me a break and time to reset my heart and mind on things above and not on my guilt over being angry or frustrated, and it's an opportunity to pray for more patience and strength for the rest of the day and nine times out of 10,. Everyone feels better after this quiet time.
Speaker 1:When your children are fighting with each other yet again and you are tempted to yell in frustration. Remember what Jesus said in Matthew five nine blessed are the peacemakers. Practice what it means to be a peacemaker with your children Again. In our home, my children love to role-play together. We brainstorm some conflicts that keep happening and then we role play what it looks like to peacefully resolve the problem. Then I reward words and actions that reflect a peacemaker, so as to draw attention to the heart, attitude and behaviors that I hope to see more of. You could even write Matthew 5, 9 on a note card and commit to memorizing this verse together throughout the summer.
Speaker 1:When your amazing summer plans don't go as planned and you feel disappointed, remember this biblical truth from Proverbs 16, 9. A person's heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps. Perhaps God has a different plan for your summer and even if it's not what you expected, his ways are always for our good. Release control and focus on connection over perfection. Look for opportunities to be intentional with the sweet ones right in front of you. Look for opportunities to be intentional with the sweet ones right in front of you and don't forget to celebrate the moments that do align with your hopes and dreams. I like to call these God winks. So the next time you find yourself triggered by unmet expectations or sibling conflicts or the overstimulating noise levels in your home, decide to frame your emotional reactions not as failures but as invitations to grow in grace. Consider every triggering moment as an invitation to surrender your need for control. Learn something new about your child's heart. Pause and pray.
Speaker 1:I had planned a much needed break to go grocery shopping by myself. My husband was home to watch the kids and I was planning to shop in peace. I turned on the sprinkler in the backyard for the kids and I left some popsicles in the freezer for a fun little snack. And as I was heading out the door, one of my darlings whispered Mom, can I come with you Now? Friends, I really wanted this alone time. That was my plan, but, by the grace of God, I said a quick prayer for patience and I responded with yes, you can come Now. This child is my most introverted child, so I think he was looking for some peace and quiet too. Perhaps he needed a break as much as I did. And then, after a few minutes in the car, he started talking. He opened up with all the things that were on his heart and mind. Lately I was amazed to hear all of his thoughts. We had an incredible conversation that was completely Holy Spirit-led. By the time we got home I realized that I would have missed this discipleship opportunity if I had held on to my expectation of solo shopping.
Speaker 1:Praise the Lord for his divine intervention. The truth is, we are all going to face triggers this summer. Thankfully, god is with us, even in our moments of emotional frustration and you're not a bad mom because you are triggered and yelled at your kids. God is refining and sanctifying us in the midst of our mess and these ordinary summer days. To close this episode, I want to leave you with a verse to meditate on this week. Psalm 103.8 says the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love. What a glorious truth that we can soak in throughout the rest of the summer and beyond. Our God is full of patience and wisdom and joy, and he is graciously prepared to share this with us. When we simply seek Him first. When we simply seek Him first, and something for you to ponder as you go about your week what is one trigger you've noticed popping up a lot this week, and how might God be inviting you to pause, pray and respond with grace instead of frustration?