Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
41: Tech Boundaries - Reclaiming Childhood from Digital Distractions
Navigating the delicate balance between technology and childhood development has become one of parenting's greatest challenges. Drawing from insightful works like "The Anxious Generation" and "Opt Out Family," this raw exploration delves into what happens when families dare to set counter-cultural boundaries around screens and devices.
Through personal stories of both struggle and triumph, I share how eliminating screen time during dinner prep transformed my twins from passive viewers to creative players. You'll discover why establishing tech boundaries isn't about restriction but about creating space for imagination, problem-solving, and genuine connection. Rather than following cultural defaults that have drastically shifted childhood from play-based to phone-based, we can intentionally shape our family's relationship with technology.
The truth is uncomfortable but liberating: easy parenting choices rarely yield the best outcomes for our children. When we pacify with screens for momentary peace, what long-term skills might our children be missing? This episode offers practical alternatives including designated tech-free zones, outdoor exploration opportunities, and age-appropriate boundaries that evolve with your children. Most importantly, you'll find encouragement that you're not alone in questioning the prevailing wisdom about kids and technology. Many parents are quietly choosing to prioritize presence over convenience, guided by biblical principles like "guarding our hearts" and "making the best use of time." What rhythms around technology might help your home better reflect what you truly value?
Recommended Reading:
The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch
The Opt-Out Family by Erin Loechner
How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims
When the Street Lights Come On by Ginny Yurich
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You can find me on Instagram @mrs.leannetuggle or you can email me at leanne.tuggle@gmail.com. I love hearing from you!
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Before I became a teacher, I spent some time reading all that I could on things like classroom management and curriculum development. I also read all the books that 4th and 5th graders were into so that I could be prepared for my students. When I started my first business, I read everything I could on leadership and team building, and then later on I took courses on sales skills and communication. Then, as a first-time mom, I read everything I could get my hands on about motherhood, raising babies, sleep training and baby led weaning. So if there's one thing about me that will likely never change, I'm going to read all the things in preparation for my next season or stage of life. And that brings me to the topic or the theme that I have been devouring lately technology and teens, or something close to that. I started by reading the book the Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, then I read the TechWise Family by Andy Crouch. From there I found the Opt Out Family by Aaron Lochner, and then this led me to how to Raise an Adult by Julie Leithcott-Hames, and I just finished when the Streetlights Come On, by Ginny Urich, and she is the founder of the 1000 Hours Outside movement, and I know I am starting to get my head around a particular topic when the books that I am reading start referencing each other. This topic piqued my interest for two main reasons. The first my own children are creeping up to those teen years and I want to be ready for their questions regarding when they're going to get a phone and how to use it responsibly. And secondly, this topic includes so many different perspectives and opinions. I want to ensure I am making the best decisions about technology for my family, best decisions about technology for my family. Of the books that I have just mentioned, the one that has been the most impactful for me, especially right now in the season of life that I'm in currently, is the opt-out family. Much of this episode is inspired by themes that stood out to me from that book, and I will link all of those books in the show notes for you to look at. The main takeaway that I want to break down for you today is that, when it comes to all things screens, phones and even social media we need to be prepared to live counter-culturally and intentionally, for God's glory.
Leanne:According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children under two are encouraged to watch only educational programs with caregivers. Children under five should be limited to only an hour of non-educational screen time during the week and no more than three hours on the weekend. And then for children six and older, the guidance simply says to encourage healthy habits and limit activities that include screens. Well, that's about as vague as you can get, isn't it? And unfortunately, many parents would see guidelines like this and consider it permission to give their children screen time instead of considering that perhaps there's an alternative. Romans 12 says do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. The truth is that technology is shaping our attention, it's affecting our imagination and our family rhythms.
Leanne:I remember when my twins were about three, I think, and I believed that the only way that I could make dinner was to let them watch a show while I cooked, and every day I would set them up with something kid-friendly and then I would go about trying to make dinner as quickly as I could in that time frame allotted. The problem was after the show ended, and every day it was the same struggle crying, screaming, pleading for just one more show. They didn't seem to know how to transition back to playing. After staring open mouthed at the TV for 23 minutes, I convinced myself that it was because they were hungry or tired, or they just needed to eat dinner and go to bed. I'm not sure what it was that helped me connect the dots, but one day I came to the conclusion that screen time was the problem. So I stopped allowing them to watch shows and, honestly, I did a cold turkey, which is terrible. It's awful and for a whole week I had to deal with cranky kids begging to watch a show and I had to stay firm in my decision that, even though it felt like it would be so much easier to just give in and let them enjoy 20 minutes, and so that I could enjoy 20 minutes of no screaming, thankfully I held my ground.
Leanne:And then something amazing happened. They figured it out. They found toys to play with, they created new games, their imaginations took over and they stopped asking for shows. I couldn't believe the difference. It was then that I decided that just because culture says it's okay to give your kids screen time doesn't mean you have to.
Leanne:This discovery with my own children led me to create some pretty firm boundaries around screens and technology in our home. I share this with you simply as an example. I truly believe each family needs to find what works best for them, so take this as just an example, not something that you have to do. Every Friday, we watch a movie together as a family, and then on Saturday mornings, each of my three kids is allowed to either choose one show they can all watch each other's shows or they could choose to play parent-approved games on their tablets for about 20, 30 minutes maybe, and then on Sunday, they get to watch one biblical-based show to help reinforce what they have learned in Sunday school that morning, and then that's it. Those are the only screens or technology that they are exposed to during the week.
Leanne:By setting up these rules or guidelines around technology, I am able to teach my children the importance of stewarding our time well. Ephesians 5, 15, and 16 says look carefully, then, how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. The things that we allow in our homes shape the hearts of those who live there. It was important to me that my children learn what it says in Proverbs 4.23, above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. If I want my children to learn to value building relationships and being creative and cooperating together peacefully, then how we use technology in our home needs to reflect those values. That doesn't mean that we'll never use screens or that my kids will never have their own phone, but it does mean that we will be intentional with how we allow screens to influence our time and our hearts.
Leanne:Now, as my children get older, I realized that technology isn't going anywhere and it will be important for them to be able to create and manage healthy boundaries for themselves when it comes to screens or phones or even social media usage. And for this reason, I find myself encouraging my children to use discernment when it comes to technology, and I'm actually going to take that topic of discernment and make a whole other episode about it. I think there is so much to unpack with just that, so stay tuned for a future episode on the topic of teaching your children discernment. I know that I cannot control my kids. There will be times when they will have access to screens or the internet when I'm not around, and I want them to be prepared to navigate these instances wisely. Two core principles I found particularly helpful in the book Opt Out Family is to establish no tech zones in your home, so this might be the dinner table or even the bedroom. Help your family focus on things that matter most, like conversations around the table, without the distraction of cell phone notifications. You can show them what it means to guard their hearts. You can show them what it means to guard their hearts like no doom scrolling before you go to sleep and by setting rhythms of presence and creativity. While your children are young, you are laying the foundation for technology boundaries when they're older. Not only are you modeling it for them now, but you are helping them see what boundaries your family values, but you are helping them see what boundaries your family values.
Leanne:One of the main concepts that I gleaned from the anxious generation is how childhood has moved from play-based to phone-based over more recent years. The unfortunate consequence of this shift is that children are growing up without the ability to problem solve and be creative. They are not interacting with people in person as much as they used to and, as a result, the ability to work with others and communicate effectively are becoming obsolete. There is more supervision for children outside and less supervision for children online and honestly that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's how the shift has occurred. Somehow, the thought is that children are safer when they are at home playing video games. Then they are riding their bikes around the neighborhood with friends until the street lights come on. Do you remember those days? I do. Maybe that makes me old, but I do remember those days.
Leanne:Personally, I think that we should encourage more unsupervised playtime outside. Kids need to learn to be responsible and make wise choices without their parents hovering over them. This is part of the reason why I take my kids to a nearby forest every week with another family. So there's a group of about five or six kids and we let them go out by themselves. We are there in the forest too, but we let them go to places where we can't see them and they have to come back after an hour. There's a timer set on their watch and during that time they are exploring, they're adventuring and they're learning how to problem solve and work together. Of course, they're going to make mistakes, but I would rather my children learn from these mistakes while they're still under my roof than later on, when I'm not around at all, to help guide them through it.
Leanne:Parents often turn to screens or like handing their kid a phone when they are just tired of managing the chaos in their home. They feel like cruise directors trying to keep everyone entertained and busy, and then, when they reach the point of burnout, out come the tablets and the screens. You see this a lot at restaurants too. Parents feel it's easier to just let their kids watch something on their phones instead of engage in conversation together or even teach them the fine art of waiting. While it is certainly easier to pacify a child with a screen, is that what's best for them? Is that what's best for them, and is our momentary comfort worth the discomfort in the future? Easier doesn't always equal better. What if we decided to live counter-culturally? What if we choose intention over convenience? And what if we opted to lean into discomfort and awkward moments instead of turning to our screens to occupy our minds and, eventually, our hearts?
Leanne:Here are three practical suggestions for you to consider as you wrestle with your own thoughts and concerns regarding technology in your home. First, think through age-appropriate boundaries for your children. Perhaps you have tech-free mornings or your kids can earn tech tickets for screen time. Maybe you adopt a rhythm of no phones for the first hour of every day and the last hour of every evening. Talk over these ideas with your spouse and make a plan that you can begin right away. You can always adjust your plan as your kids get older or you see some more maturity and responsibility beginning to develop. Another thing is to brainstorm some boredom buster alternatives. Taking my kids outside always seems to get creative juices flowing Truly. Outside is like the best place to be. Reading together is another way to open doors to imagination and limit the need for turning on the TV in the evening. And another last thing that you can do is encourage digital literacy while also discipling your children on how to be discerning with technology and how they use it.
Leanne:I always find it fascinating how kids don't seem to need to be taught how to use a phone. They just somehow seem to intrinsically know how it works. So I don't think we need to worry that our kids are going to be left behind when it comes to technology. I hear that argument a lot. Well, I want my kids to know how to use it. They'll be fine. I'm fairly confident they'll be able to figure it out right away. In the meantime, there is a very real possibility that they will lose the ability to think critically if we don't give them opportunities to be independent and to explore dangerous activities safely. I think you've heard that phrase before and I think it makes sense. They need those opportunities or they're going to look for them in other places, maybe online, and maybe it's not as safe as we think.
Leanne:The truth about all of this is that I don't have all the answers and I am still learning and adjusting as I go. What I do know is that technology has irrevocably changed the basics of childhood and adolescence, but that doesn't mean that I need to give in and hand my 10-year-old a phone just because everyone else in her fifth grade class has one. We have to dare to be different and to not be afraid to talk about our thoughts and concerns with others. You might just find that you aren't the only one to express these hesitations when it comes to technology. There are plenty of parents out there, myself included, who are choosing to be focused on intentionally living for God's glory than simply just going along with the crowd.
Leanne:I am sure that this is just the beginning of conversations around technology, especially as my children grow and become teenagers. This is something that I will be revisiting and reviewing often, and as always, I will share what I learn and find with you along the way. To close this episode, I want to leave you with a verse to meditate on this week. Psalm 101, verse three, says I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. Let this verse encourage you to prayerfully consider what is best for your family regarding technology and avoid the temptation to just do what everyone around you is doing. Let the fear of God form your basis of wisdom and understanding, and understanding Something to ponder this week what rhythms or boundaries around screens might help your home reflect more of what you truly value.