Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
44: Iron Sharpens Iron - Build Meaningful Friendships Today
Remember in fourth-grade where cliques first form and best friendships begin to blossom? That pivotal age when children transition from befriending everyone to selecting their inner circle marks a critical developmental stage in social awareness.
The Bible offers profound wisdom about friendship's true nature. Genesis tells us clearly that solitude was never God's design – "It is not good for man to be alone." Jesus himself modeled perfect friendship through his relationships with the disciples, demonstrating loyalty, honesty, and selflessness. His words in John 15 reveal the ultimate standard: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." Throughout Scripture, we see friendship's transformative power in relationships like David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi. The Proverbs remind us that "iron sharpens iron" – true friends challenge us to grow.
For military families constantly uprooting and rebuilding community, friendship requires unique courage. There's a temptation to keep relationships surface-level to avoid inevitable goodbyes, but Jesus showed us a better way. With only three years of earthly ministry, he didn't hold back from deep connection despite knowing separation was coming. Military friendships often develop remarkable depth precisely because time feels precious – there's no space for small talk when deployment looms. If you're hesitant to befriend someone who'll eventually move away, you might miss one of life's most enriching connections.
As parents, we must thoughtfully guide our children in choosing friends wisely while allowing them independence to form their own relationships. The people we surround ourselves with profoundly shape our character, values, and decisions. Consider the wisdom of Proverbs 13:20 – "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Teach children to observe potential friends carefully: Do they show kindness? Demonstrate integrity? Tell the truth? As my daughter entered fourth grade, our discussions about friendship qualities became increasingly important, and I found myself sharing a simple mantra with my sons: "Good is cool."
What kind of friend do you want to be in this season? Who might God be inviting you to pursue in friendship, even if it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar? Take one small step this week – send that text, extend that invitation, initiate that conversation. Remember Ecclesiastes' wisdom: "Two are better than one... if either falls down, one can help the other up."
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One of the things I loved most about teaching fourth grade was watching the social dynamics take shape. It's around nine and 10 years old that children move from being friends with anyone and everyone to choosing a small group of people with whom to spend the majority of their time. For better or for worse, I would observe cliques forming based on common interests. I would comfort students who felt excluded from a particular group while encouraging qualities of being a good friend. It was while I taught fourth grade that I noticed best friendships forming, and last year I had the privilege of watching this whole dynamic again, but this time as a parent. It is for this reason that I wanted to talk about friendship in this episode, especially as the start of a new school year creeps closer. In fact, for my children, today is their first day of school, is their first day of school. Since navigating friendships has its ups and downs. I wanted the focus of this episode to be on understanding friendship from a biblical perspective learning how to manage friendships when you move frequently, and teaching your children how to choose their friends wisely. This is especially important for your children if they are in those middle years, around 8 to 12 years old and, honestly, I think a reminder of what friendship is will be a good thing for all of us. Friendship is a special gift that unites us together as well as challenges us to become the best version of ourselves.
Leanne:God created us for relationships, genesis 2.18 says. Then the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. Our God, in His infinite wisdom, knew we needed the companionship of others in order to live the lives that he intended for us, and, ultimately, his desire to be in relationship with us is why we have a Savior whose name is Jesus. It makes sense, then, that Jesus gives us the perfect example of true and perfect friendship, that Jesus gives us the perfect example of true and perfect friendship. He modeled what deep friendship looks like with unending loyalty, honesty and selflessness, but it was his steadfast, unconditional love that conveys the true depth of his friendship with his disciples and now with each of us. John 15, 13 through 15 says greater love has no one than this that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends If you do what I command. You no longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends For all that I have heard from my father. I have made known to you All.
Leanne:Throughout scripture we see beautiful examples of friendship. One that always stands out to me is the brotherly friendship of David and Jonathan. The loyalty and love between Ruth and Naomi are another good example. And yet it is verses like this one in Proverbs that addresses what true friendship is according to God's design. Proverbs 27, 17 says Iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another. A friend who loves you enough to gently tell you the truth is a friendship to treasure.
Leanne:In our world today we are the most connected that we have ever been, while simultaneously the most disconnected. Young adults today are struggling to find deep friendships and this is leading to a rise of mental health issues and other complications. Again, we were created for relationships and I think it is safe to say that in-person relationships far outweigh virtual ones. Philippians 2, 3, and 4 says do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. It's hard to consider the interests of others and practice humility If you're not around people. If you spend your day staring at a phone or commenting on posts online, you don't have the opportunity to see how your words and actions affect people. The more you interact with others, the more opportunities you will have to become the type of friend that you would like to find. It is always wise to reflect on whether or not you have the kind, or that you are the kind of friend that you are looking for, and to remind your children of this as well.
Leanne:One of the unique challenges of being a military family is that we move frequently, usually every two to three years, and this can make it difficult to form deep and solid friendships. If you move frequently or you are also a military family, then you know how hard it is to build and rebuild community over and over again. It was actually a conversation that I overheard that inspired this episode. Unintentionally, I heard a mother telling her daughter to be careful about developing a close friendship with people in the military because they will just move away. It broke my heart to hear this advice, even though I understood what she meant and what her heart was behind it. I know that this mother was trying to protect her own child from the sadness of losing a friend, but I also cannot help but think that they were missing out on something really special.
Leanne:In the meantime, there is a definite temptation to self-protect or to stay surface level in an effort to guard your heart. And yet, once again, I am reminded of the example of Jesus. Jesus only had three years with his friends here on earth. Three years to develop deep and lasting friendships. He didn't remain distant, even though he knew that he would leave, and even in the 40 days that he had between his resurrection and his ascension, he spent time with his friends. He made the most of the time that he had.
Leanne:Even though you know the connection is temporary, god can still use it. If you are a military family, then you know, the sooner you build community, the longer you get to enjoy it, and you likely possess greater skills in forming friendships quickly than the average person. For these reasons, bravely initiate friendships. Your courage to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there will create the opportunities to build those deeper friendships for the time that you have. And if you are not a military family, do not fear the temporary nature of a friendship with someone who is in the military. Their friendships are fast and furious and often full of depth that is unmatched in other relationships, simply because there is no time to waste.
Leanne:Personally, I'm not interested in surface-level friendships because I don't have time for that. This type of friendship comes with a lot of trust Trust that the friendship will be worth it and trust that God will meet your relational needs. In each season, before every move to a new place, I have a habit of praying for the Lord to go before us and to prepare the way. I pray for Him to prepare the way for us to find a new home, a new church, a new community, and then I have to trust that he will provide. The best part is that, after countless moves, I have so much evidence of God's faithfulness. He always provides a path to friendships and community that are even better than what we could have imagined or hoped for, that are even better than what we could have imagined or hoped for. Over and over again, we have been blessed by wonderful friends in every place that we have lived, and I would be remiss to not mention that, thanks to modern technology, we are able to keep in touch with some of the dearest friends even after we have moved to a new place. Now we have the added benefit of friends all over the world, and my children have numerous pen pals Around.
Leanne:This time last year, just before my daughter started her fourth grade year, and knowing what social dynamics were sure to come, I wanted to talk to her about the value of friendship and choosing our friends wisely. I firmly believe that the sooner we begin these conversations about character, kindness and influence with our children, the better and more equipped they will be to choose their friends carefully. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn is credited with saying you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Perhaps you've heard this quote before, or perhaps you were thinking that it reminds you of other wise words. The book of Proverbs in the Bible is full of wisdom passed on from a father to his sons, and Proverbs 13, 20 says walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. The biblical truth here aligns with what Jim Rohn is saying in his quote. Our friendships shape who we become. For these reasons I encouraged my daughter then and remind myself and my children now to observe their friends and choose wisely who they want to spend the most time with. Consider how those friends treat others. Look for evidence of integrity and honesty. My hope is that my children will pursue friendships with others who are kind and considerate and truthful.
Leanne:Something I tell my boys who are starting second grade today is that good is cool. It is a simple phrase that I hope they hear in their heads for years to come. When faced with the choice of going with what is good or what is cool, I pray that they choose to do what is right, because that is the cool thing, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment. 1 Corinthians 15.33 says Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character. I think it is wise for us as parents to remind our children of this truth, while also empowering them to form these friendships on their own. We can equip them with the truth and then pray like crazy that they choose to surround themselves with others who encourage them to do what is good and right, and I am certain that they won't always get this right.
Leanne:I know I have not always picked the wisest friendships. I learned a lot through those encounters with people who did not share my same values. Those lessons learned have given me greater wisdom and discernment regarding friendships today. So even when I see my children befriending others who do not display the most positive behaviors, I can pray that the truth becomes evident to them quickly. And speaking of prayer, let us not forget that praying for these godly friendships is likely our best option. My sweet girl has been praying for a godly best friend and I cannot wait to see how God blesses her through this pursuit. I know that as she prays for this friend, god is molding and shaping her into the kind of friend that she hopes to find Friends. Even if I don't know you personally, I do consider you my friends.
Leanne:Friendship is worth the effort. It is worth it to get out from behind the computer screen or to set down the phone. Even in the midst of hard seasons, busy seasons or even ever-changing seasons, a friend is always worth the investment. To close this episode, I want to encourage you to take one small step this week in pursuit of friendship. Text someone an uplifting note, invite someone over, initiate a conversation. It is my prayer that you feel inspired to courageously be the friend that you hope to meet. I also want to leave you with a verse to meditate on. Ecclesiastes 4, 9, and 10 says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. And a question to ponder this week what kind of friend do you want to be in this season? Who may God be inviting you to pursue in friendship, even if it's inconvenient or unfamiliar?