Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle

52: Unseen Work, Eternal Significance with Emily Curtis

• Leanne • Season 4 • Episode 52

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What happens when your most important work is the work no one sees?

The mental load of tracking school uniforms, doctor appointments, meal planning, and a thousand other details can feel overwhelming—and often thankless. When your achievements aren't visible or celebrated, how do you find meaning in the mundane?

In this soul-stirring conversation, Emily shares her journey through the invisible terrain of motherhood and homemaking with refreshing honesty. "My kids just magically think 'oh, there's clean laundry on my bed'—the laundry fairy must have done that," she laughs. Yet beneath this observation lies a profound truth: some of our most significant contributions happen behind the scenes.

We explore the tension between craving recognition and finding divine purpose in everyday tasks. Emily offers this perspective-shifting insight: "I am irreplaceable in my home. Everything I do outside my home anybody else could do, but I can only be mom to my kids and wife to my husband." This reframes domestic responsibilities not as burdens but as sacred privileges—the holy work of creating a safe harbor for those we love.

Our discussion doesn't shy away from challenging cultural norms, including social media's impact on our sense of worth and the strange glorification of the frazzled, exhausted mother. We question why busyness has become a badge of honor and offer a counterintuitive alternative: showing up with excellence in whatever season you find yourself.

Drawing wisdom from Psalm 16, we discover that "the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places"—revealing how God's sovereign placement in our lives isn't limitation but invitation to freedom and joy. If you've ever questioned whether your unseen work matters, this conversation will remind you of its eternal significance.

Listen now and rediscover the sacred ground beneath your feet—right where you already stand.

Recommended Reading:

The Gift of Limitations by Sara Hagerty

Unseen: The Gift of Being Hidden in a World That Loves to Be Noticed by Sara Hagerty

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Leanne:

Emily, thank you so much for joining me on the show again. It is so fun to have you back. You are someone who I just love talking to. You exude wisdom and you are very intentional with your words, which I really appreciate, and I know that the Holy Spirit is directing this conversation today, so I am so excited to share the stage with you as we discuss a super important topic, just about being faithful with our work as women, especially when no one else sees it. But before we jump into that, emily, can you just remind our listeners a little bit about who you are?

Emily:

Yes, thank you so much for having me Leanne. It's an honor to be back. I love chatting with you, whether it's here on this podcast or our long monthly phone calls. But yeah, I am a military spouse. I've been married to my husband for probably 15 years. Next May we have an eight-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son. We are currently stationed in Hawaii. I have been of those years of being married and a military spouse. I've been a stay at home mom for well, I guess all more than eight of those years, now that I've got an eight-year-old. So, love traveling, love exploring this, this Island that we get to call home, and I'm really grateful to just continue in all seasons of my life to just try and walk with the Lord wherever he leads us.

Leanne:

I love that. Thank you so much, so fun, and we've been able to be friends for many of those years as well. So, as I mentioned just a moment ago, today we're going to be talking about what it means, as women, to be faithful with the unseen work of our ordinary days. With the unseen work of our ordinary days, so much of what we do as wives and as moms goes unnoticed. So, emily, can you share about a season of life where you were doing unseen or unnoticed?

Emily:

work and how God met you. In that, yeah, you know, I first think of like my early days of motherhood where I, you know, had this newborn and my husband would come home from work and I'd be in literally the exact same spot that he left me in. It's like burp claws everywhere and lukewarm coffee cups strewn all over the house and, just you know he'd say how was your day? And I'd say it was great, like what. I had nothing to show for it besides that I nursed and cared for this baby. So that that's the first season that comes to mind.

Emily:

But really, as I think more about this, because I've been a stay at home mom for so long, I feel constantly like I'm in a season of doing the unseen or unnoticed work. I mean, I'm just thinking about juggling, like okay, what shirt are you supposed to wear for your school uniform? Is it a spirit day? Okay, are you getting school lunch? Who needs a doctor's appointment? Who's form? Like? What forms do I need to sign? Did I pour into my kids enough today? Have I been on a date night in a while? Are my baseboards clean? Like just all of these, like random collection of tasks, things that I do, some you know, significantly more important maybe than others, but just kind of the daily grind of these tasks that can feel so mundane or so overlooked.

Emily:

I feel like I'm constantly in that in that season of my life and yeah, it's challenging, I think, sometimes to see those things as valuable because no one sees them.

Emily:

My kids do, my husband does but, and I do feel appreciated by them. But I think sometimes they don't realize just the extent of like how much I think my kids just magically like oh, there's clean laundry on my bed. Oh, okay, like the laundry fairy must have done that, you know. So God has met me in that sense of feeling like all I do is just ordinary mundane things, by reminding me that it's valuable and important to him and that I am irreplaceable in my home and everything I do outside of my home anybody else could do. But I can only be mom to my kids and I can only be the wife to my husband and creating a safe, loving, warm, organized home and kind of rhythm for our family's life. Doing that for them blesses them and it blesses me and it is significant because I want them to feel like they can come home to a place that is a safe place to land, a soft place to land.

Leanne:

Oh, that's so beautiful. I just I hear you talking about all of that mental load that women bear and I think it's really easy I know I've heard it before, I probably even said it before where there can be this like kind of almost a grumbling or a complaint, like you're the only one who can remember all of this stuff or keep it all straight. But I also think and this is like where I feel like God meets us in that is, that he uniquely designed women to be able to manage all of this information. Chris and I, early in our dating or actually I think we were newly married we read this book called Men Are Like Waffles and Women Are Like Spaghetti.

Leanne:

I don't know if you've ever read that book, but it was interesting because it was talking about how men's brains like work in like boxes that they stay in, like this one compartment, so they're in the work box and then they come in there at the home box or they're in the playing with kids box, and they even have a box where their brains can be completely empty, which like blows my mind, cause I don't think I've ever experienced an empty mind. But women have, like our brains work like spaghetti. Everything is all connected together. And so I just think about, like, all that mental load, that all of those thoughts, like God has given us the capacity to be able to manage all of that and even when something does fall through the cracks or something like that, like he's so good and gracious to meet us there and let us know that we don't have to do it all perfectly to be able to show up with excellence in it.

Leanne:

And so I just like, I just think it's so cool that God has uniquely designed women for a capacity to carry a heavy mental load. I just think that's so cool. So so much of the work that women, that we do, is unseen and and often unthanked. I mean, you mentioned you do feel appreciated, which I think is really really good. How do we reframe our mindset to see this work as valuable in God's eyes? And you kind of touched on that a little bit. Can you maybe expand on that just a little bit more?

Emily:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man, we want to be thanked, we want to be noticed, we want to be seen, and so it's really yeah, that's just, that's our pride, speaking right like that's us wanting like, hey, everybody, look at me, I'm so awesome, I'm doing all these things. And so I think we have to ask ourselves and I ask myself this sometimes too why am I doing this? Why am I serving my family? What is my motivation? Is it because I want my house to be beautiful? Is it because I want my kids to be safe and loved? Do I want my husband to be able to have the support at home? Yes, yes to all of those questions, but truly it's deeper than that. Yes, yes to all of those questions, but truly it's deeper than that. It's about recognizing that this is the day the Lord has made. This is the season that the Lord has given me, and he's given me the opportunity to serve him. Right, like, we all have an opportunity to serve the Lord. Whether you are working outside of the home, whether you are in the military, whether you're a teacher, whether you're a stay-at-home mom with a newborn, whatever it is that you are doing, you have an opportunity to serve the Lord with just joy and gladness, should you choose to, and and my spot that he's put me in is in this home, with these people, with my children and with my husband. And so everything that I want to do, I want to honor the Lord in that I'm not taking the time to make a menu plan and do the grocery shopping and make sure my kids have the right size shoes, all of those things that come with the mental load, my kids have the right size shoes and all of those things that come with the mental load. I'm not doing that just because I'm doing that because God has asked me to steward well the lives that have been entrusted to me and I see that as really significant and holy work. It's valuable to God, I think.

Emily:

And I'll be honest, I struggled with this a lot, especially in the first couple years of um, after my son was born. I really struggled with this because I just felt like I'm just day in and day out, I'm just feeding and diapering and constantly cleaning the kitchen and there's no rest, and that was a really, really hard season, and so I can sit here with both of my kids at school having a little bit of a break to kind of you know, do all the other things. It's not like I'm eating bonbons on my couch. That season it was harder to see the work as valuable, because it was just harder. It was physically, mentally, emotionally exhausting. Now that I have a couple years out of that season of my life, I can see just how valuable it was. I have the privilege of shepherding two lives. Like how is that not valuable to God? Right? Like I have eternal significance in my home and that's. That's a huge responsibility and a huge privilege.

Leanne:

That's so, so, so beautiful, and it's like that difference between the I have to do this or I get to do this and I think that's what I hear you saying here is that it's like this honor, and I think when we just that tiny little word shift, is what changes the mentality.

Leanne:

From here we go again another day to.

Leanne:

This is the day that the Lord has made and that what he has set on your plate is good.

Leanne:

And it's something that I'm reminded of because I've been in and out of seasons where the monotony of the day-to-day just feels dull, for lack of a better word, even though the work is good and it's holy, and folding laundry is important and all of that. But there's this I have had to wrestle with that Even if no one ever sees anything that I do, and even if no one says thank you for any of the work, that it is still enough because it is what God has asked me to do and, like you said, stewarding those, that thing. Well, to be a woman on a mission who can do the things she's called to do and receive nothing for it, and then that's okay and it's that like eternal reward, that's what we're looking for instead, and I think that that kind of goes back to just this thought of like how can we discern the difference between a healthy desire for affirmation and craving recognition, and how does that distract us from holiness?

Emily:

Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a really tricky fine line. You know, the Bible says we should encourage one another and build one another up, right? So affirmation is important. I don't think that that's, you know. It is important.

Emily:

But I think we need to know, I think we need to know who we are in Christ and what our identity is. First, you know we are, if we have the best faith in Jesus. We are a child of God. We've been forgiven, redeemed, adopted, loved, cherished. No matter what we do, whether the world sees it or they don't, no matter what we do, we've received everything we need in Christ, right and that, and that truly should be enough. So we don't have to crave the recognition of others because we know we've received everything we need from God.

Emily:

But we're human and I think we do struggle to carry on in the work God has given us. We do have those dull seasons. I mean, life is just hard. I don't want this to sound like figured everything out and I just love to work every single day. No, that's not true. We've had sickness in our house for like the entire month of September and I am so sick of sanitizing my house and doing laundry, like there's just seasons that are hard, right.

Emily:

But I have a good example of this. That just happened the other week. Just the other day or, yeah, just a few weeks ago, my husband told me we were like on a date night and just out of the blue, he was like hey, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. I see how hard you're working with I'm on the exec board for this military ministry here. And he was like I see how hard you're working on that. I just want you to know I'm really proud of you. And it was like wind in my sails. It was just like this wow, thank you. Like that means so much to me. I didn't know that you saw that it meant the world to me and it really kind of boosted me to want it, like encouraged me to want to even work harder. Before he gave me that affirmation, I already felt like hey, lord, I know this is work you've called me to. I am just so excited to serve you in this, so I didn't feel like I needed his affirmation but was it wonderful to receive.

Leanne:

Absolutely.

Leanne:

I think that's so great, it's really good.

Leanne:

And another thing too I think that's just something I've been thinking about a lot is I was reading Little House on the Prairie with my daughter and I remember when my mom read them to me when I was younger I very much loved hearing about Laura and Mary and all of their little things that they did, and now, reading it to my child, I'm very much identifying with Ma Ingalls and all of the things that she did and I'm like man, this woman, and one of the things I was thinking about while reading is I don't think that she was doing any of that work and it was so much more work than what we have to do today.

Leanne:

She was not doing any of it for praise, like just all of the different things she was doing, and I think that this desire for recognition is partly due to a such the visibility of our culture today, like everything is on social media and we can look around and we're constantly struggling with this comparison of looking around like, well, what's she doing, maybe what I'm doing isn't enough, or oh, wow, like she has such a great attitude about this and like I was complaining the other day. We see so much more about what other people are doing that I think sometimes we lose track of what, what we are supposed to be and like where our eyes need to be focused. I don't know if you have any thoughts on that.

Emily:

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it makes me think of something you shared before about staying in your lane. You know, like, what has God given me? What is, what are my responsibilities, what are my? What are my responsibilities, what are my skills and my gifts and my strengths and how can I kind of live into that? But even beyond that, for me, when I feel like I'm just like the comparison thing is getting challenging, I just have to to not go on social media. I truly like that.

Emily:

For me, that's a big thing in the past couple of years that really, you know, there's a lot of good out there. Truly, there's a lot of encouragement. I've gotten some great like biblical resources for my kids and you know all these things right. But I go on there and I see this perfectly created. You know ball tablescape and I'm like, well, mine doesn't look like that. You know ball tablescape and I'm like, well, mine doesn't look like that.

Emily:

You know, like you know, whatever it may be, it's just it immediately makes me feel like what I have is not enough. You know, and I don't want to feel that way because I want to again steward well, the things that God has given me, and it kind of goes back to what you were saying before If nobody sees this, does it matter? If nobody sees my house, like, if I'm not posting anything on social media, if I'm not sharing with my friends, if I'm not telling everybody look at me, look at me, does it still matter? And that I ask myself that a lot, because it's just fascinating part of our culture that I wonder how often maybe I'm the only one that does this, where I'm like looking around my house, like, oh, that would be kind of cool to share, oh, that's a pretty lighter, oh I have something to say about that.

Emily:

And then I, and then I have to check myself Do I want to share that Because I think it could bless somebody or encourage somebody or, you know, teach somebody something? Or do I just want praise? That's that's the difference too. And and I'd be kind of curious your thoughts on that land, because so much of what you do is very visible to the world, and for me that's just, that's a heart check that I have to do to be like what does this really matter? And to who.

Leanne:

I think that is such a good point and I love that you bring that up because you're right, there are so many little things where it's like a motivation check, right, like what is your motivation for sharing something on social media? Is it to get praise or is it to be helpful filter? That I'm going through and even this last summer I took really long breaks from social media as a way of kind of heart check, like what is my motivation here? And so I think that if what you are posting on social media or what you are sharing is truly adding value, then that's wonderful.

Leanne:

But if it is just self-glorification, then it's not, it's not something that needs to go out there, and there have been times where I have wanted to post something and decided not to because it was absolutely a self-glorification and I and that is not what we want to be. It is all we. We show up with excellence unto the glory of God. We are here to do kingdom work, even if no one else sees it, and I think that that's where we you that that heart check is so important in our current day and age, because it is not like what it used to be 50 years ago. Everything is so much more visible, and so we have to hold ourselves accountable. I think, in a different, in a different way and kind of on that same track of social media, I think one of the trends or things that we I know, you and I have talked about this before is, like our culture often glorifies this image of the exhausted or the frazzled mom. And why do you think so many women feel the pressure to live up to that image?

Emily:

Yeah, it's so interesting, right? Because when I think about it, like, why, why would I know? I have fallen a bit guilty of that, especially in early days of motherhood. Like, oh, yeah, look at me, I'm just so busy, I'm so frazzled, I'm like, oh yeah, oh, is that spit up on my shirt? Oh, I was up all night.

Emily:

Like there's this sense. I mean we value being culture or being busy in our culture. We value that, you know. I mean how many times do you run into someone? Oh, how are you doing? Oh, I'm just been so busy. There's just so much fun. Like we celebrate that, we value that.

Emily:

And so I can't think of anyone busier than a mom trying to care for all of her little people, right, like, especially when they're little, and there's a lot of them. I remember I used to walk through Target when my kids were, like, you know, newborn and toddler, and people would look at me and be like, oh, you have your hands full. Like, yes, I do, and I'd like stand up a little straighter. Like, look at me, everybody, I'm this busy mom, I've got a baby and I'm crushing it. Like now I don't hear that very often because my kids are older and I have to catch myself sometimes and be like but it's still hard sometimes. Don't you see me everyone? Don't you see how hard I'm working?

Emily:

But we do. We celebrate that. We wanna feel seen, we wanna feel noticed, we wanna feel popular, we wanna feel loved and celebrated. And our culture celebrates busyness. We celebrate being frazzled. It's harder and more intentional, and requires more reliance on God, to say, yeah, okay, I might be in a busy season, but I can get up earlier, unless you've been up with the baby all night. Right, like, I can get up earlier, I can brush my hair, I can wash my hair, I can put on an outfit that makes me feel beautiful, I can do my best with the season that I'm in and I love. What you talk about, leanne, was showing up with excellence.

Emily:

Sometimes, showing up with excellence, meaning put, means putting on your most excellent yoga pants right, like it doesn't mean having to be dressed to the nines all the time, but I think it does mean showing up the best that you can with what you have to offer the Lord and allowing Him to be enough for you in those gaps.

Leanne:

I think that that's so true because, depending on the season you're in, is going to require a different level of work and it will look different, and so I think that that's important to remember and another reason why we want to stay in our own lane and not look to the right or to the left and see what she's doing, cause she's in a different season than what you are.

Leanne:

You and I are in slightly different seasons of life, and so we will show up to do our very best. But again, it's that heart attitude of like. What is our motivation? How are we? Are we looking at this Like, I have to do this, or I get to do this and like, and then, whatever it is that is on our plate for the day, we're offering it and surrendering it to the Lord to say, you know, like, multiply my efforts, lord, let this be something that is honoring and pleasing to you and that I, you, get to love and serve your people well right, or even even sometimes I've prayed like Lord, show me in the midst of this sickness of my kids and just all the things that go along with that, like soften my heart, Show me how to love really well.

Emily:

Show me how to show up when I don't feel like showing up, Like change my heart. And it is beautiful to see how that tiny little prayer sometimes surrendered on your knees with tears as you're scrubbing toilets or whatever that God hears that and he responds, and I have seen Him time and time again soften my heart from the grumbling oh, I just don't want to do the two. All right, Lord, I'm ready. Show me, and it's beautiful to see that happen. I think so too.

Leanne:

I just love that. Well, emily, I know we could talk about this for like a whole long time. I feel like we just barely scratched the surface of this conversation. But you have a few verses from a psalm that you wanted to share, and I would just love for you to read those to us and just encourage us with that.

Emily:

Yes, these verses come from Psalm 16, verses five and six, and they say Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance. I wanted to share this Psalm because I first, I first heard about, taught on.

Emily:

This Psalm from the book the Gift of Limitations by Sarah Haggerty, wonderful book that I highly recommend, talks about how we are limited beings. We have boundary lines in our lives that God has placed there, and those boundary lines are not physical. It's not our home, although I suppose it can be, but it's more like what is the season that God has put you in? What are the limits to your life that God has given you? Maybe it's a physical ailment, or maybe it's, you know, I don't know. Whatever the case may be right, but it says the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

Emily:

Within those boundary lines there is freedom and fullness of joy because God has you exactly where you're supposed to be. He makes our lot secure, he is sovereign over our lives and in Him we have a delightful inheritance. That goes back to what we were saying before. In Him we have everything that we need all the riches, though they may be, you know, though they may be eternal, we have everything that we need in Jesus, and so that really encourages me on those hard days when it does feel dull and it does feel unseen and I don't feel, I don't feel like I'm enough, I don't feel like what I'm doing is valuable, especially when I meet new people and they're like oh so what do you do? Like, oh, I get home with my kids. Oh, that's nice, okay. And then, moving on right, god sees, he has put me right where I need to be.

Leanne:

And that you are more than just a mom, right, you're a woman on mission, doing the things that God has called you to do, and that is, that is enough. And I think that you are doing exactly the thing that God has called you to do, and that is, that is enough. And I think that you are doing exactly the thing that God has called you to do. I love that, emily. Thank you so much just for sharing these words and this encouragement. No matter where we are in our journey of being a wife or a mom, or just a woman, I think that these words are encouraging and the wisdom is helpful for all of us.

Emily:

So, thank, you so much for sharing today. Thanks for having me, friend.