Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
Encouragement and Inspiration for women choosing to rise above the “just survive” mentality and instead set their mind on thriving in all that they say and do. The ultimate goal is to equip you to pursue whatever is excellent in the midst of your ordinary life and in all that you say and do.
Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle
57: Loving Difficult Family Well with Biblical Boundaries
Holiday tables can feel like tightropes: old roles resurface, expectations collide, and the urge to keep the peace can eclipse the call to make peace. We open up about awkward family moments, the pressure to please, and the liberating truth that you’re only responsible for your actions, feelings, and words—not for anyone else’s reaction. From there, we map a clear, grace-filled plan to navigate tense dynamics without losing your center.
We break down biblical boundaries as stewardship, not selfishness, and explore how guarding your heart actually frees you to love better. You’ll hear why pre-decisions reduce stress, how simple scripts like “Yes” and “No” protect your peace, and what it looks like to be both firm and kind. We dig into prayer as preparation, not an afterthought: confessing bitterness, asking for compassion, and receiving the peace of Christ that steadies you when conversations get loud. For heavier situations, we talk about fasting as a way to surrender control and seek wisdom, much like Esther did before a hard moment.
To round it out, we offer practical, memorable steps: cover the gathering in prayer, clarify your limits ahead of time, communicate clearly and with kindness, and compliment generously—even when kindness isn’t returned. Expect some disappointment from others and let that be okay. You can’t engineer outcomes, but you can cultivate a heart posture that honors God and blesses your family. If you’re ready to trade people-pleasing for peacemaking and step into the holidays with calm clarity, this one’s for you. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show.
Recommended Reading:
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Connect with me!
You can find me on Instagram @mrs.leannetuggle or you can email me at leanne.tuggle@gmail.com. I love hearing from you!
Would you like more weekly encouragement? Subscribe to my newsletter Whatever is Lovely and be inspired to open your inbox again.
https://leannetuggle.myflodesk.com/v3r2zwdaik
If this is your first time here and this episode resonated, hit “subscribe” and submit a 5-star rating if you feel genuinely inspired to. Your positive feedback means the world to me!
Episode Sponsors:
Rodan + Fields - Take this brief quiz to find your customized skincare routine!
Red Aspen - Skip the salon appointment and shop here for hands that are hardworking AND elegant.
Whatever is Lovely - Subscribe here to the weekly newsletter designed to encourage you with words of wisdom and relatable content. Be inspired to open your inbox again.
My daughter has this sign in her room that reminds her that the only actions and feelings and emotions that she can control are her own. To be honest, every time I'm in her room, I take a glance at this sign too, because I also need to be regularly reminded of this truth. Today I want to discuss how to handle the more difficult relationships in our lives with excellence. Specifically when it comes to family members, like maybe siblings or in-laws, those people who you will very likely be coming into contact with in the next few weeks as the holidays draw closer. I have to admit that I really feel personally blessed with my family. I enjoy spending time with them and even with my husband's family. I really truly don't have any complaints about spending time with family. However, I do remember some awkward family moments when I was growing up. I especially remember dreading the questions that all the well-meaning aunties and grandparents asked, like, who are you dating now? Or what are you studying? Or are you still doing? And then fill in the blank with whatever it was I told them last year. It was the interrogation part of the holiday that I really looked forward to being over every year. So while my experiences with family dynamics is more along the lines of just being awkward, I do know many others experience the tension of difficult family relationships and perhaps even feel torn between peace and people pleasing during holiday gatherings. According to statistics, the second leading cause of stress during the holidays is managing difficult relationships and family dynamics. So with this in mind, how can you, as a woman of excellence, set appropriate biblical boundaries while still loving and serving the people you will interact with this holiday season? Let's break it down, shall we? I think it's important to begin with boundaries. And what is a boundary? A boundary is simply where you end and someone else begins. Setting appropriate boundaries is about stewardship and not selfishness. That's an important distinction to make right from the beginning. Proverbs 4:23 says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. This means that setting appropriate biblical boundaries begins in your heart. Understanding who you are in Christ will help you graciously take responsibility for your own feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. And healthy boundaries help bring that freedom and not distance. So boundaries are a good thing. The holidays tend to bring up and amplify boundary issues, especially with unresolved tensions, expectations, and even the different roles people play. There is a pressure to just keep the peace in order to survive the holidays. And yet, peacekeeping is not the same thing as peacemaking. Romans 12, 18 says, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Did you catch that if possible? And as far as it depends on you, that means that you are only responsible for your part, not everyone else's response. Remember that sign I mentioned in my daughter's room? Yeah, you can only control your own actions, feelings, and emotions. As far as it depends on you, be a peacemaker to the best of your ability. To help you prepare for this holiday season in a God-honoring way, I want to give you four practical steps for setting healthy boundaries. And I also want to recommend the book Called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. If you would like more information on this topic, they actually have several books now about boundaries, but this original first book that they wrote on boundaries is a great place to start, especially when navigating difficult relationships. So the first thing that you can do to help you set up healthy boundaries for the holiday season is to cover your family in prayer. I love this verse in James 5, verse 16. It says, Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Your prayers are so powerful, and I think we forget that sometimes. But praying during the week, leading up to these family gatherings or these different holiday events, pray for your own emotions, your time, your energy, your reactions. Pray that they will honor God and bring Him the glory. Take it some time and confess any bitterness or perhaps any unforgiveness that may be in your heart. Taking the time to really pray through those things and cover that family gathering in prayer will make such a difference. Not even just in the other people, but in your own heart. Romans 11, 36 says, from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory. This is our ultimate goal when it comes to interacting with others. It's all for God's glory. Let your desire and your purpose be to bring God glory in all that you say and do. And pray for this. Colossians 3 is a beautiful chapter to read during this time of preparation and prayer. I know I like to read the Bible and then pray in what before specific family gatherings and things. And Colossians 3 is a great chapter to read. Verse 12 says, Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. All of those things are so helpful in preparing for interacting with people, no matter whether they're difficult people to interact with or really easy to interact with. This is how you want to approach any of these family gatherings. Pray for each of these, especially before you're interacting with difficult people in your life. And then verse 15 in Colossians 3 says, Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body, you are called to peace and be thankful. Here we are in this Thanksgiving season, and sometimes we forget to be thankful for the people in our lives, even the ones that are hard to be around. Looking for something to be thankful for regarding that person may be the heart change that you need in order to approach the season with grace, with peace. And I love that this verse is alluding to the fact that you can't have that peace on your own. It's the peace of Christ that rules in your heart. It's his peace. And that's why covering this family time in prayer is so important so that his peace is ruling in your heart, because apart from him, we can do nothing. So pray for his peace to rule in your heart and let that prepare you for the attitude you need going into a more tension-filled holiday. Pray specifically for the person or the people who are the most difficult for you. Pray for them. Ask God to give you compassion and to see that person the way he sees them. There is something powerful about asking the Lord to soften your own heart to receive the more challenging personalities with loving arms. When my husband and I were dating, we were spending a Christmas holidays with his family. And there is one particular family member in his family that I do have a harder time with. And I remember I knew that going into it. And so I spent a lot of time praying, praying that I would have the right attitude, that I would know when to speak and when to be silent, and just to be able to love that person the way Jesus did. Because I certainly couldn't love that person on my own. And I it didn't necessarily solve all the problems, but I noticed that my own heart was different while interacting with that person. I had more grace. Little things didn't bother me as much as other times they may have. So whether or not that person is easier to deal with or not, your own heart is changed because the grace of God. Again, you can't control what God is doing in the hearts of others, but you can seek him faithfully and cover the whole affair in prayer. And depending on the level of difficulty that you are preparing for, you might even consider fasting. Queen Esther in the book of Esther fasted for three days prior to interacting with the king on the behalf of her people. This time of fasting prepared her own heart and mind. It didn't control the reaction of the king, but it allowed her to enter his court with peace and trust that God is sovereign no matter the outcome. So perhaps fasting is something that you can do to help prepare you for the holiday season and to help do a work in your own heart so that you can receive those people with the love and grace that God wants you to. Third, communicate clearly and with kindness. This is probably the one I'm most passionate about. Proverbs 15:1 says it best. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Anytime you are interacting with a difficult person or family member, you need to be clear with your words. Clear is kind. And I want you to repeat that in your mind. Clear is kind. This type of communication also eliminates a tendency to default to people pleasing. I think a lot of times we are not clear in our communication because we are afraid of hurting someone's feelings. And so we're vague or we're we have this wishy-washy mentality, even though we know in our heart of hearts what it is that we want. We are afraid to communicate that because we're afraid of the reaction. Again, you can't control the other person's reaction, but you can be clear. And the more clear that you can be, the more loving you are being. It seems counterintuitive, but it is the most loving thing that you can possibly do to be upfront and clear. Not spoken in a harsh tone, with kindness. If you are clear and upfront about things ahead of time, it will relieve some of the awkward tension later. So here's an example that may come up. If you by saying, I'm not able to stay overnight this year, but we'd love to join you for dinner, you are being clear, it's kind, and you're setting a boundary that works better for you, and you are still honoring that other person. Them knowing that ahead of time is very loving. Otherwise, you're in your head about it the entire night trying to figure out how you're going to tell them you're not sleeping over, right? But if you are clear ahead of time, it takes away any of that tension. Matthew 5, 37 puts this in such a succinct, clear way. Let what you say be simply yes or no. Anything more than this comes from evil. I cannot say it any more clear than that. It is not kind to be wishy-washy in your language. Be clear, yes or no. Communicate clearly. Your clear communication with the other people or whomever needs to be communicated with, the more clear you can be, the more loving and kind you are actually being to that person and to your own family. And it is very likely that others may not like your boundaries. And that's okay. Once again, you are not responsible for their reactions and you are not responsible for their happiness. It is very likely, in fact, just expect, that you will disappoint people. And yet, your clear boundaries allow you to love and serve others better. Approach any tension or difficult family dynamics with humility and compassion. And also ask the Holy Spirit, again, we're praying, to show you where to extend grace and where you need to stand firm. Pray about that ahead of time. Use that to help you communicate clearly. That's the loving thing to do. And finally, I encourage you to actively look for opportunities to compliment the family members who are the most challenging for you. Even if they won't return that kindness, he or she is still made in the image of God and their worth is immeasurable. See if you can make the other person feel important. Be sincere in your compliments. Show respect for their opinions, even if, especially if they are different from your own. That's hard to do, but you can still be respectful. And then avoid any gossip, negative talk, sarcasm, or embarrassing put-downs. Walk away from all of that. Do not let any of those things come out of your mouth. Choose instead to give out encouragement freely. In this way, you are above reproach. When you are showering them with kindness and love, even if they do not return it, especially if they don't return it. You want to be known as someone who is encouraging and who avoids those negative things. So this holiday season, as you prepare for navigating difficult family relationships or dynamics, I want you to remember to cover the day, the person, the holiday in prayer, clarify your limits ahead of time, communicate clearly and with kindness, and compliment or encourage as often as you can. I tried to make that easy for you to remember. Cover, clarify, communicate, compliment. They're all C's. And finally, pray. Philippians 4, 6 and 7 says this: do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. Let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. So if you are feeling anxious leading up to this holiday season, surrender it to the Lord. Place it in his hands, be thankful, and his peace will go with you. Enter this holiday season with peace and purpose. Honor God by loving and serving your family well from a place of order and not overwhelm. To close this episode, I want to read a portion of Psalm 62 to you. This holiday season, some of us are walking into spaces that don't always feel peaceful. Family gatherings can stir up old dynamics, unmet expectations, or unspoken tension. But even when the world around us feels shaky or our hearts feel unsteady, your security doesn't come from people's approval or understanding. It comes from the Lord. So you can go into this season and may your soul find rest in Him alone. May His peace guard your heart. I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory. My mighty rock, my refuge is God.