Whatever Is Excellent with Leanne Tuggle

59: Peace Over Perfection with DeAnne Bruinsma

• Leanne • Season 4 • Episode 59

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What if your home became the place where people exhale the moment they walk in? That picture guides our conversation with Deanne, a longtime friend who has spent decades turning ordinary rooms into a refuge—welcoming neighbors, college kids, missionaries, and foster children with a calm, open-handed approach that prioritizes people over performance.

We unpack the real difference between entertaining and hospitality and why it matters most during the holidays. Deanne shares how she moved from a packed December calendar and Pinterest-perfect checklists to a slower, simpler season built around what her family actually loves—favorite foods, nights at home, and unhurried conversations. You’ll hear practical ways to host without stress: paper plates, takeout pizza, game nights, and small, repeatable rhythms that make guests feel seen and safe. We also talk about involving kids so hospitality isn’t a one-woman job—letting them choose traditions, help set the table, play music for neighbors, and own small acts of service that grow into a shared family culture.

Rooted in biblical hospitality, we explore how to create a life-giving space where expectations soften and presence grows. From the Jesse Tree to shared Advent readings, these simple practices keep Jesus at the center and turn the month into a time of spiritual formation rather than frantic activity. Anchored by Psalm 85’s promise of peace and harvest, this episode invites you to reclaim your home as a haven: less noise, more grace, and an open door that people want to walk through again.

If this conversation helps you breathe a little easier, share it with a friend, subscribe for more, and leave a review with one simple tradition that centers your season.

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Leanne Tuggle:

Friends, I am so excited for you to meet my dear friend Deanne today. So Deanne and I have known each other. We were just chatting before this recording. I think since I was like eight or nine years old. So it has been a very long time. I won't say how long. Um, that we've known each other. And Deanne was someone that I just always looked up to and admired and looked for advice from. She was like my first mentor, I think. So it was just, it's so sweet to be able to talk with her today. And one of the things that I have always been so impressed with is how Deanne stewards her home with excellence. And so thank you so much, Deanne, for joining me here today. Um, I'm so looking forward to this conversation with you. Um, but before we jump in, can you share just a little bit about who you are, where you are, and then maybe just a little bit about what stewarding your home with excellence means to you.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

Yes, thanks, Leanne. It's fun to have this chat with you. Yes, I my name is Deanne. I have been married to my husband Todd for 27 years. We have three kids, 22, 20, and 17. So kind of launching them now as as we're going along. One is graduated college and has a job. And uh my son, I have a girl, boy, girl. My son is in college, and then my baby is getting ready to graduate high school. So we currently reside in Franklin, Tennessee, and we love it. We've been here for 13 years, but I obviously I met Leanne when we lived in Washington State, and yeah, her her parents did our marriage counseling. So that was that's a fun memory. And so yeah, we have a long-standing friendship, which is sweet. But as far as stewarding my home with excellence, so that's obviously it's been something that as a mom and a wife I've strived to do. And it's something that I feel passionate about as well. For me, it has looked like just creating a place of peace in my home, like a respite from the world. When my kids or my husband can come home, they can feel like it's a place of rest for them. And especially for my kids, we we chose to do public school. And so, you know, you're going out there and you're in the world, and sometimes there's a lot of things bombarding your you all day long. And so when you can come home, it can just be that place of peace. So that was a big, a big thing that we've strived to do. Really having an open door policy. We love having guests in our home. We love having missionaries. We're also just in the last few years, we did become foster parents, actually. So we've done a little bit of foster care on the side and respite, which is kind of my favorite part of foster care, which is helping other families just if they need a break or going on vacation. So short-term, short-term stuff. So that's something that we like to do is have an open home and just having my house, just practically, I guess, just this with the excellence piece of stewarding my home, having it picked up, not like being so anal about every corner being perfect, but just having it picked up, having it clean, having it inviting. So if someone does stop by, you know, you're like, yeah, come on in. It's not perfect, but we're living here and it's a place of peace. And so that's actually been something that people have said when they've come into my home, like, wow, this just feels really peaceful here. So that's because of some of those things, and obviously because of Jesus. So I love that.

Leanne Tuggle:

And I can attest to that too, just being able to spend a couple days with you while driving across the US from Washington, DC, all the way over to to see my parents in Idaho and just being able to spend a few days, and it was so peaceful. And my kids still remember that, even though they were so little. So I love it. I can definitely attest to your peaceful home. So, in a culture that often undervalues homemaking, how do you reclaim the beauty and importance of it as a follower of Christ?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I think for I think some of the things of the the ver I think we talked about a little bit about the entertaining versus hospitality. And sometimes the world is like, well, you need to entertain and your house needs to look a certain way. But as a follower of Jesus, you know, obviously in scripture it talks a lot about hospitality and what does it mean to be hospitable. And that's just really having an open door to the stranger or to even your friends and to not feel like things have to be a certain way in order to say yes to opening up your home. And your home is such a it's a sacred space, but it people, when they're invited into your home, I think they feel it's something special that they get to know you on a deeper level when they come into your home. We love to meet at restaurants with friends, but it's sometimes really sweet just to have people come into your home and share a meal in your space. And so I think the value of that is that the world says, oh, it needs to be the show, but but having having a place where people can just come and be themselves is what makes that piece, I think for us really sweet.

Leanne Tuggle:

And I love how you said you've kind of mentioned it a few times too, just like that your home is excellent in the sense that it is tidy, but that it's not, it's not about the perfect. It's not about everything just being like you just cleaned it, but it's lived in, it's loved, and that makes people feel like they can let their guard down and just be themselves. And I think you guys do that a great job too, with just your own demeanor and how you handle yourselves too, is that you guys are comfortable in your home and are able to help people feel that peace too. Yeah. So kind of along those lines, what are some of the ways that you've seen the atmosphere of your home impact maybe your own family's spiritual and emotional health? Like maybe you have an example for with your kids or something like that.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

Yeah. Well, I know for one, like my kids have liked inviting people over to the house. So that for me was a big deal. I was like, I want them to say, hey, come over to, you know, come into our house for dinner. And that's been especially sweet as they've gone off to college. They want to bring their college roommates and friends back to the home. And I and I always joke with Todd and he's like, we're trying to launch these kids. And I'm like, oh no, I want them to keep coming back. And if it's for my cooking, then I'm good with that. So, but yeah, that that is that's a sweet part of, but also I think I've had personal experience with people being hospitable too, with us in times of crisis, in times that were challenging, when there's been sickness in our family, and having having those encounters with hospitality, whether someone's bringing a meal or you're taking a meal to somebody else, that piece of hospitality is is really sweet. So, yeah.

Leanne Tuggle:

So being able to extend it even beyond your home too. And I love that. I am going to need all the tips on uh how to have your kids want to keep coming back. That's like my dream too.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I'm like, please bring all of your having family tonight. Everybody loves it coming back for it.

Leanne Tuggle:

Yes, I love it. I'll make all the pizza. Yeah, that's so fun. So, like you've mentioned, scripture does call us to be hospitable. And maybe you could just touch on a little bit more like what does biblical hospitality look like in practice? And particularly like here we are heading into the holiday season. So, what does that look like during a busy season?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

Yeah, that's good. Well, I that's been something I've honestly wrestled with over the years of the hospitality versus the entertainment, and especially through the holidays. And that I've grown in that for sure. I know early on I wanted everything to look a certain way and be a certain way. And like I had like this checklist, like, okay, if we do all these things, then it's gonna be a really great holiday. And early on, if you would have asked me, I love my calendar full in December. I was like, yes, it's packet full of all the things. And I've realized through the years that that's really doesn't create a peaceful holiday experience for anyone. And so now one of the sweet things as your kids get older is even asking them, like, what are some of the things you love about Christmas? Like what makes it special for you? And so taking those things that they share, and it's normally just very simple things, nothing complicated, and going, wow, if we just have these things as part of our Christmas celebration, whether it be a favorite meal, there's a bread, there's a maple ring I make at Christmas time, and one of the kids really likes that. And, you know, they like to stay home and not really go anywhere. So those that have been fun to simplify down what sometimes we think we need to be doing in our own minds, but it's not, it's not that complicated. And we we make it more complicated because maybe we're comparing or we're seeing things on a Pinterest board that, oh, I really want this to look a certain way. And that doesn't create that peaceful, hospitable atmosphere for even margin to say to someone else, hey, you want to come over or you want to join our family? Because it feels like you're trying to have an expectation. So that's been something I've definitely learned and matured over the years. And I still ask my kids, like, hey, what's one thing, you know, that would make this year really great? And they'll say something from the past or something that they thought of. And so it's it's helpful to bring it down to even, you know, let's just be as a family and enjoy and not succumb to all the pressures of doing all the things and all the events because inevitably it's just, yeah, it just feels like you're running around in circles.

Leanne Tuggle:

Totally. I couldn't have said that better myself. I feel like that is a lesson that I keep learning every year. Yes, yes. And it is really helpful to ask them like what do you really want? And it every year, I'm always surprised that it's the free, the things at home. It's super simple. And what I love about that too is that you are really at the heart of hospitality here, is that it's not about the perfection, but it is about focusing on the people. Like, what do they really want? What would be really special for them? And so it's that shift from entertaining to focusing on people. And I think that's just so great. So you mentioned that you've grown in this over the years. So, what would be a piece of advice that you would give to someone who is feeling intimidated by hosting this year and they feel like their home isn't good enough? Like, what would just be some advice that you could give to someone?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I think one of the big things, and I heard this quote one time, and my mom, I think, repeated it sometimes as well, is that people are more important than things. And so if people feel invited and they can be just themselves in your home, honestly, I think people feel more comfortable when your house isn't perfect. They're like, oh, you got, you know, sticky floors or whatever. They can feel, they can just feel and be themselves. And so that for me, I always had to remind myself because I was like, oh, I wish I had all these matching dishes, or I wish it looked a certain way. And honestly, people are thrilled to have paper plates and order out pizza. I mean, if it's as simple as like saying, hey, we're gonna get together for a game night and order out pizza, those are probably some of the greatest memories that my kids have had with friends that we've invited over during the holidays. I remember one year during that COVID awful time, um, we we did this Zoom and we zoomed games and we had pizza and it was so fun. And you know, that's something we look back on. Obviously, that wasn't having someone in my home, but it was still the it was not about it has to look a certain way and be perfect. I think that's one of the biggest things. And to let go of that for yourself, that expectation. And I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how really people feel warm and welcome. And it's really about the connection with another human being, not about the stuff. As lovely as it is, but not about that.

Leanne Tuggle:

Yeah. Right. So delete our Pinterest sports. We don't need to delete them.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

You might find some good recipes, however. That's true.

Leanne Tuggle:

That's true. I love that. Um, but it's such a good reminder, though, too. And you've said it a few times, and I think it just bears repeating that we often have these certain expectations of what we think is the best. And our expectations often do not match what other people expect from us. We often have this super high standard of like, oh, everything has to be just so, and that's not that's not what what we need to do, and no one else is expecting that from us. So we don't need to do that to ourselves. I think that's a good reminder for me, for all of us. I think. So what what do you think it means to create like a life-giving space? And what would be some small ways that we could start doing that? That you think?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I think creating a life-giving space is just really giving grace to anybody who needs a place to be, whether it be, you know, us like the some of the foster kids that we have coming in, honestly, that looks like serving the least. Maybe it's a neighbor. I I'm always surprised how neighbors live in such closeness with each other, but yet they sometimes never go in each other's homes. Um, so that was a big thing for me early on, just to invite neighbors into my home. And that's something I still really enjoy doing. I think that just trying to keep the noise and the pressure of the world turned down when they're when people are in your home. Okay. And I guess for practically, that looks like, I mean, for me, it's every day just saying, okay, you know, God, I just want this place to be a place where your spirit is and where people can come and be themselves and not feel pressure or really just be able to relax. And whether that be for my kids or friends or whoever is coming in, and people, I think when they come and then they go, they leave with that life with them, whether or not they're a believer or not, there's something, there's a transaction that happened for them just spending that time in your home. And you know, sometimes you get to pray for people. I've had that with neighbors, and like years later, they're like, I remember that one time I was having a bad day, and I came to your house and you just offered to pray for me. And, you know, that was so huge. So I think that's part of creating a life-giving space is really an open door policy. And thankfully, my husband also loves that. He sometimes will be more than I am. I'm like, I need a break, but he's like, let's do it. So it is great to team in that way. Yes. Um, that can be hard if you know you're not both on the same page. But yeah, that's kind of for me, I think, giving that life giving to people that come in. And sometimes it's my family.

Leanne Tuggle:

Yes, I know our family needs that too. And so I think that's really that's really great. And I I love that just that openness to plant those seeds, even if these are people who don't know Jesus, and just being able to give them that feeling. I think another one of those things that people remember more how you feel than like what you did or anything like that. Sound true. Like, yeah, yeah. So I think that's I think what you're speaking to, that that life-giving space is less about the actual space and more how they felt well in your space, yeah. And like how they walk away after, which I think is such a good reminder of that. Uh yes. So, do you have a favorite holiday tradition that you have done with your family that maybe has helped you stay focused on Jesus or just a favorite holiday tradition?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

Well, yes, when the kids were young, we love we started doing the Jesse Tree. I think your parents did that. I remember I might I might have even first heard about it with your parents, but we did the the Jesse Tree with the kids, and we did it and Voss Camp has a great book we used. As they've gotten older, we have continued with the Advent study, but I've done it with She Reads Truth and the girls all do it. My mom, and it's something really special because it really helps slow the holiday down. It starts, you know, right after Thanksgiving and it's a daily reading. And then we have my mom normally comes for the holidays, and so then we're able to like connect on what we've read over the time and finish off the season together. So that's probably my favorite. I think if you ask the girls, that would probably be their favorite. My son, he doesn't do it, but he does remember the Jesse tree that we did together, and they get would get to hang a different ornament. And if you don't know what the Jesse tree is, it's basically the story of Christ. I know you probably know what that is, Leanne, but from creation to the cross. And yeah, it's a sweet, it's it just helps keep perspective on the holidays. And that's been something that's been really important to our family. I mean, we have lots of other little things that we like to do, but that's probably been the overarching, the number one that's still continued in its different form of doing like an advent study.

Leanne Tuggle:

I love that. I love the She Reads Truth study also. I love to do that one every year. So good.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I mean, of course, we don't ever have a holiday without the tiffs, gritz crackers, damp chocolate with peanut butter.

Leanne Tuggle:

Yes, those are the best, and they make great gifts too. They are able to give to others. So that's okay. I know I still make that recipe too. It's I love it. So, what kind what encouragement could you give to a woman who maybe feels very weary and overwhelmed by the expectations here of the holidays? So maybe even thinking back to when you had littler kids, just a woman who's looking at the holiday season and just already feels tired. What encouragement could you give to her?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I think the biggest thing would be to exercise saying the word no to all the extra asks around the holidays. Really decide what you want to value and make important because you will be asked a million things from school to church to friends. And as wonderful it would be to say, yeah, I want to go to all these parties and do all these things and be on the room parent and do the thing at church. You really need to look at your calendar, I think, and sit down and say, what do I feel like I really want to pour my time into? What do I have, what do I have margin for? I mean, if your kids are super little, it might be not very much. Maybe one thing and maybe, you know, maybe it's just you're gonna get the tree up and decorated and you're gonna, you know, try to spend time doing an advent study or whatnot. But I think it's just really not being overwhelmed with all the asks. That's just was always a big thing. And sometimes for me, that was always hard to say no to things, but to really just narrow it down to what you feel is the most important. And honestly, the most important is just you spending time with Jesus during the holidays. And if you can squeeze in that time with a with a reading or whatever, I remember I had just a small one I'd keep in the bathroom sometimes when the kids were really little, whenever those moments I had. But so you aren't get so you aren't getting to Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, and you're just so spent and frazzled that literally the only thing you want to do is take a nap. But that's because that's real. But I think that the biggest advice would be just to say don't say yes to all the things that you feel the pressure to say yes to.

Leanne Tuggle:

Um yeah. I think that's great advice. I like to say no a lot too. It's it's a hard lesson to learn, but it is. In fact, I feel like I am just now starting to be able to say yes, maybe a tiny bit, but yes, that's good. A lot more no than yes.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

Yeah, that's good, girl.

Leanne Tuggle:

I know, I know it's a good reminder. How the the one other thing I'm curious about from you that I was thinking of is so you mentioned your girls are, I think Francesca's 22 and Sophia's 17, I think you mentioned. So, and and also honestly, Simon as well. Yeah, how do you involve your family in this hospitality and so that it's like a shared joy and not just your responsibility as the one? How have you involved everyone in it?

DeAnne Bruinsma:

Well, the one like I referenced earlier is just asking them, like, okay, what is something that you really love to do? And then that kind of helps them have ownership. Like, I really love it when we do, we make this thing together. Okay, so we're gonna wait and we're gonna do that together when you're home or whatever, however, that can look. I think those that that that's been a big piece. As they've gotten older now, it can be like, hey, why don't you make that? Or why don't you, you know, take ownership of that? The you know, inviting people or delivering cookies to the neighbors or something like that. My son plays the piano, so this year I'm like, okay, I would like you to play the piano and we're gonna have neighbors over and serve cookies. And so he's like, okay, you know, so I think just getting them to buy in on the hospitality piece of this is an opportunity for you to serve, serve your family, serve, you know, neighbors or whatever it looks like. I think it's helpful when they're really little, you know, it can be more simpler things, obviously. But I think that asking them what they value in the holidays, then they that's probably something that they're gonna carry on to their families and their traditions. So yeah, just getting their buy-in, I think is great. Cause sometimes I think something's really great and they don't. So then it's like pulling teeth to try to get everybody to do it. And I'm like, why am I fighting this when they don't even fight? They're not taking joy in it. So, and when we have people over, it's like, okay, hey, help me set the table, help me do this for whatever. And yeah, so it's a it's a family, it's a family effort. Sometimes they're sharing their room if we're having people stay the night. So cleaning up and getting, you know, tidying and those types of things is all part of serving together, definitely.

Leanne Tuggle:

Oh, I love that. So fun. Makes me just want to come over and and hang out or bring some cookies. You're invited, Leah. Thank you. So this is uh just so so many helpful things here. And I think that what I hear from you a lot is just to let down your let go of your own expectations, open your doors, let people in, and just be who God made you to be, which is loving and giving and just not worry about how it looks or how it sounds, that people will get something really special out of it. So, Deanna, I had asked you if you had a psalm that you could read for us that kind of tied into this idea of hospitality or opening your home. And I was hoping that you could share that with us.

DeAnne Bruinsma:

I do. I was actually, I was when I you told me that or you shared it with me, I was like, you know, thinking about specifics, and I'm just gonna share the one I actually have on my chalkboard right now in my kitchen because it's a really about more about the season of harvest and receiving from the Lord his promises to his people. So that's the one I'm gonna share. It's in Psalm 85, and it's verse 7 through 12. It says, Show us your unfailing love, Lord, and grant us your salvation. I will listen to what God the Lord says. He promises peace to his people, his faithful servants. Surely his salvation is near those who fear him, that his glory may dwell in our land. Love and faithfulness meet together, righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven. The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest.

Leanne Tuggle:

I love that. What a great psalm for this time of year, and just for the harvest. That's good. Yes. Thank you so much, Dean. This has been so fun just to be able to hear your heart behind your how how your home is just very life giving. And I know that you bless and minister to a lot of people with that. So thank you so much for sharing all these great ideas and all of your wisdom. Thanks, girl. It was a pleasure chatting with you.