65: Cultivating Faithful Friendships

What if the friendships you’re longing for begin with the ones you choose to build? Today we trace a clear path from the church in Acts 2 to everyday life, showing how Scripture, prayer, and small acts of courage can grow a circle that actually strengthens your walk with Jesus. We talk about the friend who simply shows up, why “faithful wounds” are a gift, and how loving God first shapes the way we love each other.

We get practical about finding and becoming that kind of friend. You’ll hear how to pray specifically for a kindred spirit, how to spot women whose lives overflow with a love for God, and what it looks like to take the first step—coffee, a text, a simple prayer. For moms and anyone in a tight season, we share lightweight ways to build community, from play date fellowship to starting a simple Bible study when your church doesn’t have one. We also explore the power of mentorship through Titus 2, the beauty of learning from women one step ahead, and the surprising ways books and podcasts can fill gaps when local mentors are scarce.

This conversation doesn’t stop at the church door. We reflect on being salt and light with friends who don’t share our faith, living lives that naturally invite questions and allow us to answer with gentleness and hope. Anchored by John 15, we rest in the truth that Jesus calls us friends and sends us to bear lasting fruit. If you’ve felt lonely, stuck, or unsure where to begin, you’ll leave with simple steps, biblical wisdom, and fresh courage to pray, initiate, and stay. If this encouraged you, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick review so others can find it.

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Transcript

A Picture Of Biblical Community

Leanne Tuggle 0:50

This year my kids and I are studying the early church as a part of our morning devotions. And today it was so cool. We just so happened to read this passage that comes towards the end of Acts 2, which says this. And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. As I was reading this, it reminded me of the gift that is community and especially the friendship of other believers, to be able to gather together and encourage one another in the Lord. And so it is with this in mind that I thought it would be fitting to write this episode about faithful friendships and perhaps even what it takes to cultivate godly relationships. From an early age, we delight in and we seek community with others. We crave connection and relationship with others. This is likely because we are created in the image of God and God Himself enjoys perfect fellowship with God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. God also created us to be in relationship with Him. So it isn't any wonder that we desire deep fellowship and friendship with others. When my twin boys were teeny tiny, I loved catching glimpses of their special twin bond. I have a photograph of the two of them clasping hands while they slept, and they were only like three months old at the time. No matter how far apart they started from each other when I laid them down for a nap, I always found them snuggled up together when I came back to check on them. But my favorite memory is from a time when they were about eight months old. They had just started crawling and we were at the library for story time. Each twin was off exploring different parts of the kids section, as twins do, they go in opposite directions, when one of the boys fell down and started crying. The other twin immediately changed directions and crawled right over to where his crying brother had landed. He didn't do anything to comfort or console, he just showed up. And he stayed close by until help, that would be me, arrived. Once he saw that his brother was taken care of, he crawled away and carried on with his exploration. I love this story because this is exactly what we're looking for when it comes to friendship. Someone who will willingly come alongside of us in good times and bad and stays closer than a brother, like it says in Proverbs 18, 24. And speaking of Proverbs, there are numerous verses about friendship that can be found in the midst of the 31 chapters. Proverbs 17, 17 says, a friend loves at all times, which informs us of the power of godly friendship that is intentional and prayerful. Who doesn't want a dear friend who loves with unwavering loyalty and grace? And yet, the closest friends are those who are also willing to lovingly point out where you might be heading in the wrong direction. Proverbs 27, 6 says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend. True friends are not just affirming, they are also refining and encourage you to seek God first in all things. These are the kind of friends that we want to surround ourselves with. In Matthew 22, Jesus tells the crowd that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. And then in verse 39, he says, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The best way to cultivate godly friendships is to be close to God, to love him with all of your heart, soul, and mind. And then from an abundance of this deep and abiding love, you can love others well. In order to have these deep-rooted friendships, we must start with our relationship with God and then become the kind of friend we would love to find. In your lifetime, you will have many different friends. Some friendships will last forever and others will come and go. Some friends will share your same values and beliefs, while others will come from different backgrounds and perspectives. And I think each of these friendships has value and is necessary during your life. For the purpose of this episode today, I want to talk about cultivating godly friendships and how you can embrace excellence in these friendships as you learn to love others well, like Jesus commands us to. Ideally, you want your closest friends to be Christ followers. In the same way that you don't want to be unequally yoked with your spouse, it is much easier to encourage one another when your closest friends are also walking with the Lord. When I am going through a difficult circumstance or a season, a woman who will gently and graciously come alongside of me and pray with me is exactly what I need. Even if part of praying with me is showing me the error of my ways, I want my closest friends to be willing to say the hard things because that is the most loving thing to do. Proverbs 27, 17 says, iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another, or in this case, a woman. This is what I want you to have with your closest friends. Someone who isn't going to just tell you what you want to hear. She is going to tell you what you need to hear, or rather, what the Holy Spirit is prompting her to say on your behalf. These friendships are beautiful and precious and rare. So when you find them, praise the Lord. Now, if you are listening right now and you feel a little bit discouraged because you don't have a godly friendship in your life, let me encourage you with this. Prayerfully go and find her. Just like you might pray for your future husband or you did pray for him, pray for a David and Jonathan type of friendship. This is what I have done over the years. We are a military family and we move all the time. And in every place that we go, I always pray that I can find one woman who would be like this friend for me in this place. I think that we do have friends that are all over the world now, and I can keep in touch with them over the phone. But being able to find that sister in Christ right there where you are is something that you want to pray for. And the Lord is so gracious, He will provide. This last fall, I introduced my daughter to Anne of Greengables. And oh my goodness, how wonderful it was to share this delightful story with her. One of her takeaways was regarding the special bond that Anne and Diana shared as best friends, or as they said, kindred spirits. Anne, in her desire for a dear friend, went after that friendship. And she honestly did a lot of the initial heavy lifting to make it happen. You can do the same. You could sit around waiting for a best friend, or you can go out and find her. Seek the Lord and pray for that deep friendship. And then consider the women in your life. Who do you admire? Who do you see walking with the Lord and loving Him with all of her heart and soul and mind? Once you have identified this woman, ask her to be your friend. I know that sounds like kindergarten, but that is one way to go up to someone, ask her if she would like to get coffee with you or even pray with you, whatever that may be. I know that that seems scary, especially if you are a more introverted person, but pray for that boldly boldness to go to that woman and seek her friendship. And if you are a more extroverted woman, you can be the one to initiate those things. You might make that other woman who is more introverted, you might make her day by going and seeking her first. She may be feeling the same way and wants to connect with you and is just hasn't worked up that courage yet. So if you do tend to be a little bit more extroverted, this is where you can shine. In my opinion, one of the best ways to find this kind of a woman is in a Bible study or even in your community group through your local church. Again, you are surrounding yourself with like-minded women who understand the command to first love God and then love others. It is often through this time spent in the Word together that you will be able to identify women who are either in a similar season of life or who are seeking this deep friendship. If you are seeking godly friendships, start with getting plugged in to a women's Bible study or a community group. And if you don't have something like that in your church, again, start one. I know someone listening to this just gasped. But truly, if the thing you were looking for doesn't yet exist, perhaps God is leading you to create it. I remember when I was in a season of being nap trapped with three kids that were three and under. And it was hard to leave the house and meet up anywhere regularly. I didn't have the bandwidth or the financial means to pay for toddler gym classes or weekly outings. And so I decided to host a weekly play date at my house. I invited two or three other moms with kids around the same age as my kids, and I let chaos reign in my home for a couple of hours. And the time spent with these other women was life-giving. It provided an opportunity to build community right in the middle of my mess. While some of these friendships did go deeper, I found that friendships of convenience and circumstances were also just as beneficial in that season. Motherhood is particularly isolating. When I moved to a new area and I found that there wasn't a regular Bible study happening, I borrowed from my experience of inviting women to my home for a play date and I started a Bible study. If you are seeking friendship with other women, chances are you are not the only one. Invite, build, open up your heart and home, and lean into how the Lord guides you to create create the community that you are looking for. I love the verse in 1 Timothy 4 12, which says, Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity. I think that you can apply this verse here. Set the example. Be the one to start the Bible study or the play date group. You can be the one to initiate the community and friendship. You can set the example. Another area of cultivating godly friendships that I am particularly passionate about is the role of mentors. These are a special kind of friendship. Titus 2, 3 through 5 honestly says it better than I could. Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves too much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. If you are a seasoned wife and mom, or if you possess a spiritual gift of leadership or service, consider the blessing of being a mentor, of coming alongside a younger woman and continually showing her what it means to first love God and then love others. And regardless of your age or season, look for women in the next season or stage of life who you can learn from. It is my personal opinion that life is so much richer and lovelier when you are reaching up and reaching down simultaneously. When I was a first-time mom living in Germany, I was fairly isolated from other women just locationally most of the time. I did have a Bible study that I was a part of, but other than that, I did not have a mentor or someone to look up to. And so my mentors became the authors of the books that I was reading. I am certain that this was a huge influence in why I have such a great desire to be a mentor for other women and to offer what I did not have in that season. But I am grateful for what I learned in books. I know that there is more to be learned through side by side living with other faithful women. But if you find yourself in a season where there aren't any other women around you who can mentor, seek the same from trusted Christian authors. You can, or even podcasts that you can listen to. There are women who love mentoring and you can find them in different avenues. So here's what I'm hoping that you take away from this episode on friendship. Surrounding yourself with other Christian women is important. But most important is that you deepen your dependence and relationship with the Lord. Believe that he will bring women into your life at the right time. And know that he might even call you to be the one who boldly opens the door to friendship with others. Set an example for other women and walk in obedience. If you feel the nudge to mentor someone or ask for a woman who you admire to mentor you, be the friend that you wished to find and walk in obedience. One more thing I want to note as I wrap up this episode. I do believe that it is important to have non-Christian friends in your life too. I know I have spent the last several minutes talking about cultivating godly relationships, but God's command says to love our neighbor as ourself, and your neighbor could very well not know the Lord. These friends may not be a part of your inner circle. They may not be who you go to for advice or marriage or motherhood tips, but God is clear in his word that we are to be the salt and light of the earth. As Jesus says in John 17, 25 through 26, may we also pray this. O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them and I in them. The best way to share the gospel with others is to come alongside of them and let them see how you are living your life. Let your life be a testimony. First Peter 3 15 says, But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy. Always be prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and respect. God created us to crave community. He designed us first for a relationship with him and then gave us a desire for friendship. This year I pray that you would seek the Lord on how you can become the friend or the mentor that you long to find. This passage in John 15 feels like the best way to close this episode. Jesus is speaking to his disciples just before he goes to the cross. And it is here that he calls his disciples friend. Remember that Jesus is your Lord and Savior, he is your redeemer and judge, and he is also your friend. John 15, 12 through 17. This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone laid down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another. May we go and do as he has commanded us today and every day.