76: Conviction Vs Condemnation For Moms

Mom guilt can feel like a permanent background noise, but not all guilt is the same and that difference changes everything. We’re opening Season 6 of Whatever Is Excellent by digging into what mom guilt is, where it comes from, and why so many of us wear it like a badge of honor even when it’s quietly draining our joy. I share a personal story about leaving for a work trip with an eight-month-old and how that moment exposed something deeper than “I miss my baby.” 

We talk through two categories that often get lumped together: Holy Spirit conviction versus condemnation. Conviction leads to repentance, repair, and freedom. Condemnation piles on shame and keeps us striving, and Romans 8:1 reminds us it doesn’t come from the Lord. I walk through examples that look similar on the surface but produce very different fruit, then offer a simple way to pause, pray, and check your heart when guilt flares up. 

From there, we zoom out to the culture around motherhood and children: why kids are often framed as interruptions, how that message shapes our expectations, and what Scripture says instead about children as a gift and a blessing. We also get practical with real-life strategies for overcoming mom guilt and protecting your peace: slowing down, releasing unrealistic expectations, setting boundaries, sharing the load, and checking your inputs so comparison stops running your mind. If you’re tired of shame and ready for truth-filled motherhood rooted in grace, press play, then subscribe, share this with a mom who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

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Transcript

A Work Trip And Mom Guilt

What Mom Guilt Really Is

Conviction Versus Condemnation

Motherhood Reflects God's Heart

Culture's View Of Children

How Motherhood Shapes Character

Choosing Gratitude Over Guilt

Slow Down And Be Present

Boundaries And Better Inputs

Leanne Tuggle 0:50

Welcome to season six of Whatever is Excellent. After a two-week break, I am so happy to be back with all new episodes to share with you, as well as some new guests to introduce you to. This season is packed with powerful testimonies and stories, as well as some helpful tips and strategies so that you can embrace excellence right here in the middle of your ordinary life. It is my hope, as always, that these episodes encourage you to do that next right thing, as well as inspiring you to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus no matter what. So, with that, let's go ahead and kick off this brand new season of Whatever is Excellent. I remember the first time that I really wrestled with mom guilt. My daughter was eight months old. Well, I should say I probably felt mom guilt before this, but this is the first one that really stands out in my memory. So my daughter was eight months old. I had a work-related trip to go on. And even though I knew that the three days that my husband and my daughter were going to get to spend together was going to be so good for them, I still couldn't help but feel like I was letting them down somehow by not being there. I felt like I wasn't a good mom. And since I was still nursing her, I made it my life mission to ensure that there was plenty of milk stored up for her in the freezer. I planned all of the meals that the two of them would eat, even though I do think it is worth noting that my husband is a much better cook than me. So this probably was an unnecessary step. I also had all the laundry done and I had a plan for like every conceivable contingency that I could think of. And still, I felt so guilty on that plane. What was I even thinking? We hear a lot about mom guilt, but what even is mom guilt? Mom guilt can be defined as a chronic sense of falling short in motherhood. In our culture, we see mom guilt almost worn like a badge of honor. And yet I can't help but think that maybe this isn't the healthiest way to live. Mom guilt typically comes from comparison, especially when you take into account social media and the comparison that we do with other women there. Mom guilt also comes from unrealistic or unmet expectations. We have this idealistic vision of what motherhood will be like, or even what kind of a mother that we want to be. And then the realities of colicky babies or children with special needs, or even just that heavy feeling that we are simply not cut out for this job. We have this misplaced identity and we struggle with thinking that our worth is based on our performance instead of who we are in Christ. Now, the truth that we need to remember in these moments is that conviction comes from the Lord. Holy Spirit conviction is what leads us to repentance and freedom. It's kind of like that gut punch you feel, like when you yell at your kids, and then you realize that that wasn't the right way to handle your anger or frustration. And so you feel compelled to seek out their forgiveness and then try again by the grace of God. That's conviction. Condemnation is rooted in guilt and shame and leads to heaviness and striving. Condemnation does not come from the Lord. Romans 8, 1 says, there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Now, based on all of these definitions, I think it is important to consider that there might be two different types of mom guilt. The first could be rooted in conviction that you aren't in alignment with God's will for you. While the other form of mom guilt is rooted in shame or feelings based on your performance. Let me give you an example of each of these so that you can kind of see the difference. Earlier, I mentioned feeling guilty for going on that work trip. Now, while I want to be clear that there is nothing inherently wrong with being a working mom, I was wrestling with what I wanted and what God wanted for me. Being away from my family for a couple of days wasn't the issue that led to the guilt. It was the conviction that perhaps work that took me away from my family wasn't right for me. So this led to my decision to reorder some of my priorities when it came to work so that I didn't have to be separated from my family for work trips. I was convicted of what it says in Titus II about what older women are to teach younger women. Titus 2, 3 through 5 says they are to teach what is good and so train the young woman to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the work of God may not be reviled. I really felt convicted by that verse that maybe what I was doing was not in alignment with God's will for me. Now, compare that to another instance when I was struggling with mom guilt. I had been through a particularly hard season of solo parenting, and my husband had recognized that maybe some time away would be very restorative for me. I felt that I was being weak and needy, and I felt ashamed for not being able to handle mothering my three young children. Finally, my husband did convince me to go spend two nights at a hotel just to simply rest and replenish. I felt guilty for leaving my family, but that two nights away filled my cup so that I was able to better serve my family from a much healthier place. Now, both of these examples involved me like spending some time away from my family. But can you kind of see the difference between the two different types of mom guilt? One is rooted in conviction, and the other was an example of mom guilt that is rooted in condemnation. We use that phrase, mom guilt, for both of these, but they are actually very different. So when you do start to feel that mom guilt, rear its ugly head, use it as an opportunity to pray and check your heart. Is this feeling of mom guilt coming from a place of conviction? Or is it coming from a place of condemnation? It is also important to remember that God specifically designed women to nurture and cultivate and care. That is a unique characteristic of women, and God did not make a mistake when he created women like this. Motherhood reflects God's heart of compassion and tenderness, patience and guidance. This verse in Isaiah 66, 13 says, As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you. You shall be comforted in Jerusalem. And I love this because God is comparing himself to like a mother or a woman, someone who is compassionate and tender. And I love this beautiful truth that God comforts us just like we might comfort our children. We are created in the image of God, and God also has those characteristics of nurturing and cultivating and caring. There is another side of this that I think that it is important to address. Motherhood isn't easy. And since our brains are hardwired to avoid things that are hard or even painful, I find it interesting that more and more women are choosing not to have children. In fact, the birth rate in the United States is at an all-time low right now. Is mom guilt to blame by convincing more and more women that they don't want to have children? Or perhaps more women are believing the cultural lie that children are a burden. You don't have to look very hard in mainstream media today before seeing children framed as interruptions, inconveniences, or obstacles in the way of achieving what you want from life. However, the Bible tells us that children are a blessing. In fact, Mark 10, 13 through 16 recounts Jesus' interactions with children like this. And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and he said to them, Let the children come to me. Do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. Children are a reward, a gift. Yes, it is true that children are hard work. And instead of taking from your life, they help to shape your life. Motherhood is meaningful, refining, eternal work. And honestly, I would argue that motherhood actually makes you a better person. When I lean into motherhood as something that God has chosen for me, I can see how motherhood exposes things that I need to work on. My impatience with my children is an opportunity to grow in patience. My selfishness is exposed, and it shows me where I need to grow in selflessness. And my need to control everything is actually an invitation to trust God. Being mother has refined my character. These are all lessons that have come from my journey as a mom. And thankfully, God isn't finished with me yet, as it says in Philippians 1:6, and I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. So, what would it look like to delight in motherhood instead of feeling guilty? To embrace a posture of gratitude and joy in the midst of the everyday trials that we face as moms. Personally, I have found it helpful to just slow down. I can't enjoy the sweet moments that motherhood brings if I'm constantly hurrying everywhere and rushing my children along to get there faster. I was feeling frustrated with one of my boys the other day because I felt like I just did not have time to listen to him read. He needs to read out loud every day for practice. And there was just a lot of other things that I felt like I needed to get done. And so I was rushing him. Well, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my selfishness and the need to control. And so the next day, I decided that I was going to slow down. I gave myself more time for us to read together. And you know what's so funny about it is that he actually read more fluently and more clearly because I wasn't rushing him. And the time that it took us to read together actually took less time than the day before when I was trying to rush him. So just slowing down to be fully present in that moment ended up not only having the better result of an enjoyable time together, but it actually ended up taking less time. We had the best time together. And I know it's because we were simply just not in a hurry. This reminds me also of how important it is to speak life over your children. Release your unrealistic expectations. You will feel less guilt if you can embrace your specific season and not try to rush ahead or skip any of the seemingly mundane moments. Someday you will look back on these years, wherever you are right now. And I think that those simple days will be the ones that you might even miss the most. So since Mother's Day is coming up, let's just say no to mom guilt that is rooted in condemnation. And let's replace that shame with truth. Remember that you are called, equipped, and sustained by God for this role. 2 Corinthians 12 9 says, But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. I feel like this verse is a treasure for mothers who are struggling with guilt and shame. You also need to set boundaries for yourself. You cannot do everything, and you were not meant to carry this burden alone. When I finally broke down and told my husband how I had been feeling, he gladly stepped up to support me, to suggest that I take a couple of days away to replenish, to share the load that I was pridefully trying to carry on my own. Another thing that you can do to eliminate mom guilt is to check your inputs. Limit the voices that fuel the comparison or pressure. Unfollow, turn off, or put down any influences that are not encouraging you to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, like it says in Matthew 6.33. And lastly, probably the most encouraging thing, is that even in motherhood, God's mercies are new every morning, just like it says in Lamentations 3. So for this season of Whatever is Excellent, I want to close each episode with a question for you to ponder or to think about during the week. Perhaps something for you to spend some time journaling about. And then I also want to leave you with a scripture to savor, maybe even a verse to commit to memory, so that the next time that you notice mom guilt or condemnation trying to creep in, you are not powerless to stop it from stealing your joy. So something for you to ponder this week. Where has guilt or shame been stealing joy that God is inviting you to proclaim? Scripture to Savor. Psalm 127, 3. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.